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WOjIEJj AS SOhCfiS. j
FAMOUS WRITERS TELL WHAT
THE RESULT WOULD PROB
SUSAN B. ANTHONY CAUSTIC
IX HER SCATHING CRITICISMS
OF CONGRESS— HELEN 31.
SENATORS OPPOSE THE IDEA.
Believe It Would Result "in De*
■feneration of the l,im-)liik
WASHINGTON, Nov. S. — The
"New Woman" is rapidly coming to
the front in the United States. She
already votes in many localities, and
within the past year she has made
herself felt in many of the states
upon the public boards. The ques
tion will soon come as to whether ;
she ought to have a place in the halls !
of congress at Washington. This \
question has already been discussed,
and during the past few weeks I have
sent requests for an expression as to
the effect of such an Innovation to
a number of our prominent states
men, and also to the leading women
of the United States. My question
"If women came to congress, what
would be the result?" It was ac
companied by a reply postal card,
and the answers were necessarily
WOULD ABOLISH SPITTOONS.
Here is what Susan B. Anthony
"When women come to congress,
both the men and the women will be
put on their best behavior morally,
intellectually, socially because the
sexes together always inspire each
other to be and to do their best.
The huge cuspidors at every seat
will be banished, the heating regis
ters will no longer emit the fumes
Cassias M. Clay.
of burned tobacco juice 7 ;the two
houses and the corridors will cease
:o be filled with tobacco smoke thick
enough to cut with a knife. The
desks will not be used as foot
tenches; decency and good order will
)e_ observed in the discussions, and
the proprieties of civilized society
.v ill obtain.:,- Then justice, not bar
gain and sale, will decide legislation.
May. the good time come speedily!
—"Susan B. Anthony."
CADY STANTON'S OPINION.
"The result would be:
"First— Justice, liberty and equal
ity for women.
"Second— would lighten the bur
den's of .men. ■-' •"».-
"Third — would improve the man
tiers of statesmen at the capitol, and
society at large in the city.
"Fourth — It would give us the unit
ed thought of man and woman on
all the vital questions of the hour,
introducing a moral element into the
discussion of questions now viewed
only from a material standpoint, and
thus promise the welfare of the na
tion and the stability of the republic.
—"Elizabeth Cady Stanton."
VIEWS OF A WOMAN LAWYER.
"If a woman was sent to congress,
she would go there by the votes of
the people, and would therefore be
likely to be a wise woman, and if so,
would study political questions and
their bearings upon the mass of the
ROGER Q MILLS.
people, and would probably say the
right thing in the right place, and
vote the right way. My experience
with women in great international
congresses, where much thought is
required, is • that they are zealous
and . conscientious. The effect of
women, in. congress on the masculine
portion would be civilizing and re
fining.- Beligerent encounters would
be. unknown. . '..
: ~'-~ — "Belva-A. Lockwood.
WHAT A WOMAN DOCTOR SAYS.
"Why, don't you ask me to settle
the silver question on a postal card?
As matters are, the conditions could
not be worse with woman in con
gress than they are now without her.
The sending of women to congress
would"' strengthen women, restrain
men, elevate congress, improve na
tional raff airs, and, cleanse social life,
giving .one. -standard of virtue for
men and women alike, and equalize
all of 'the relations of life that are
subject to human 'adjustment, and
give" to posterity ' the political ethics
that would revolutionize our pres
ent methods of dealing with moral
questions, the treatment of criminal
•lasses, the insane, the weak and the
THE SAINT PAUL DAILY' GLOBE: SUNDAY MORNING, NOVEMBER 10, 1895.— TWENTY PAGES.
unfortunate, opening, a door, leading
to the answer of our daily prayer,
"Thy Kingdom come on earth.'
— "Sarah Howe Morris, M. D.,
"Buffalo, N. Y."
SOME MEN DON'T WANT THEM.
"The result would be— chaos!
— "James H. Kyle.
"U. S. Senator from South Dakota."
"If women come to congress and
wear the high hat® they do in ,, the
theater, I will speak for a front seat."
"Yours truly, — "K. 'Q. Mills,
"U. S. Senator from Texas.','
"If women came to congress what
would be the result? " <:■ ■''• ; - '"
"I reply words and- war!,.,.^.'
— "Fltzhugh Lee."
"Dear — My views with regard
to woman suffrage are unknown, and
will be further set forth in a 'work,
'Icarus,' by me. c- '-'^ i
"If women came to. congress: what
would be the result? '■■ • ' -«- •"'■' "■.■ "-''-.'
"The demoralization, of "men ".and,
women from the employment of wom
en clerks in Washington IS; a ..fact,
and 'the result' of the, advance, would
be a quickening of the . 'Decensu-
Averni! .."-,■- ' ....
— "Cassius Marcellus Clay, ..-••
"Ex-U. S. Minister to; Russia.".-,
A POETIC VIEW. .":'.
"If women came to congress, ' what
would be the result?",,, K y '.r-yy~ ■"
Taking the sitting of women In con
gress as emblematic *f' the political
equality of the sexes,; I answer this
question in the words of Tennyson:',.^
"And so these twain, upon the skirts
of Time, . •■'■ r.^r -/' }; : -' y
Sit side by side, full sum'm'd In all
their powers, "/"." ' '
Dispensing harvest, sowing the To-be,
Self reverent and reverencing each.
Distinct In individualities, •'• ir***]!?*'*.'!
But like each other. ev'h" as;, those who
love; •';' X[ ', ■' Miiijsi
Then comes the statelier Eden back to
men: ■• . • - * - : '-;
Then reign the world's great bridal's,
chaste and calm: ' \-
Then springs the crowning race of hu
man kind." :.yy.y.
—"Isabella Beecher Hooker. -
BETTER MANNERS, PURER. AIR.
"Dear Sir: The idea of a representa
tive government would be more nearly
carried out. There would be more
ethics and less elocution. There would
be betten manners and purer air. Re
spectively, —Jean Brooks Greenleaf
"Pres. New York State Suffrage as
"For one thing, the dirty, vile, pois
onous tobacco smoke and spit would
have to leave the house and the. com
mittee rooms. Tobacco kills the men
who use it as well as those who have
to breathe It. ' —Elijah A. Morse,
"Member of congress from Massa
"Among other results, we . would
have better laws —generally and purer
air specifically. H. C. Hansbrough,
"United States senator from North
SHARP WORDS FROM INDIANA.
'•If women came to congress, they
would be attired in the garb of the
lady, never in bloomers. They would
not require the expense of spittoons,
nor perfume themselves In the capi
tol building saloon, neither would they
be found In a maudlin condition under
their desks, even on the occasion of
the usual hilarious adjournment. They
would be superior to money bribes.
The third house would have little In
fluence. Natural law rules human ac
tion. It Is the nature of woman to be
just, merciful, tender and conserva
tive. These beatitudes would be re
flected in laws. A constituency of
women would constrain them to be
open and honest in all their legislative
actions. One lapse from the line of
rectitude would seal their political
doom forever after, for women never
forgive without a mental reservation.
They woud do more work in less time
than men do, and do it better. "Fili
bustering" would be at an end in con
gress. They would bring a higher ay-
erage of intelligence sobriety, virtue
and statesmanship • than the , men
now do. • -* ;:i «■,.:_.■;..'.'
"In short, Uncle Sam's congressional
household would be vastly improved
by Aunt Jane's housewifery. Yours
for a seat in congress, . . r -. .• ■„.■
—"Helen M. Gougar,
JENNIE JUNE'S OPINION. .V:.
"What is the result of the advent
of women anywhere? It is attention
to, and performance of, the business
in na: d. whatever it is. It 'would be
the same in congress;' Incidentally,
the result, so far as men are concerned,
would also be better attention to busi
ness; less time given to the congress
ional bar; and fewer of .the tactics,
appearance of a bear garden. - Very
sincerely, "(Mrs.) J. C. Croly."
CLARA BARTON'S VIEW. i, •
"It would seem that a. glance back
ward would be helpful in this attempt
at forecasting the future. What has
been the result "of mixed assemblages
of men and women; the miners' camp
and all pioneer life? Did> the advent
of women there demoralize? Did it
impair the atmosphere, morally, re
ligiously, socially or economically?
Did it retard progress? :***• r_r- -"
"If .woman had not gone, what would
have been the result?,,:^-'jchurches-
were they better without .women? --as
their presence there been demoralize'
ing? Have they bred discord? ' Have
they readily entered.into > iniquitous and
tricky plans? Have ' they ' -been easily !
bought and sold? Are they costly ele- i
merits In the churches? -Would ; ; the
churches like to dispense with, their
presence? - mJ 'y.>;i~''«d.rdti''t'd;
"If women had not gone", WfiUL- W"*_""_r:
have been the result? Schools— Have
: women students demoralized
schools, collies and ' ur'vei-siMes as
have admitted them? ; Has. the startd-r
ard been lowered, and, : the^-_rf_c"*ulUm',
made easier to suit their* Inferl^i-"tca^:
pacifies, and enable' them to keep
abreast with their classmates? Per
haps the classmates themselves would
be the more correct testimony in this
matter. The experiment' is r compara
tively new and 'has been fraught. -vvith
difficulties; we are willing to suhmit
it to a twenty years' trial,' and then de
cide 'the results.' ■■'v s Zr ?&>■'* ;y -.-"
"Where women are members of con
ventions, do they disturb or lower the
tone of thought and action? have
no way of judging the future but. by
the past,' and judging by the past, '■
i what are we to expect, if -women
! should come, to congress? :---. r .'
§— "Clara Barton." .
VOICE FROM BOSTON. -
"No human being can answer intelli
gently such a question In a few words.
j One result is certain; It would estab
lish for the first time In the history of
j the race a republic where equal justice
I to all citizens of the state was a fact
! and not a mere glittering theory. It
would be for the first time a 'govern
ment of the people, by the people, for
the people,' instead of a government ot
men, by men, for men, as It ls today.
It would result ln removing the stigma
of unfairness from men. He who is.
not willing to give an equal chance in
life to every other human unit is a
coward who has yet to learm the mean
ing of justice and ' fair dealing. It
would result in proving that men can
be manly. "Helen H. Gardner.
"Boston, Mass., Oct. 4."
LETERS FROM STATESMEN. ."'
"The result would be that at the first
session they would vote the country.
Into a war— in which the men would
have to do the fighting. Yet I have
often thought I would vote to let
women vote. :'■'.'.';-.'..
women vote. — "W. E. Chandler.
"United States Senator From New
"It would depend very myich on the
kind .of women. If they were disci- .
John J. I Jin Us.
pllned parliamentarians, philosophic
thinkers, trained debaters, students of
history, acquainted with political econ
omy, accomplished in oratory, and ex
empt from all the Incidents of mater
nity, the result might be beneficent.
— "John J. Ingalls." ■•*
"My early and Intimate acquaintance
with woman has taught me that she is
always to be trusted, and is oftener
right than men are. Yours truly, '
— "D. B. Henderson,"
"Member of Congress from lowa,"
"She would take the official oath,
draw her salary promptly, strive to win
a good seat in the lottery held for that
purpose, and then would be of some'
account/ or of no* account as a legis
lator, just- as her brother is.
"With industry, ability and character
she would be valuable, without those
'qualities she would only be useful on
roll call and then only after being told
how to vote. Yours,
—"J. G. Cannon, .
"Member of Congress from Illinois."
"The Lord only knows.
—"J. C. Burrows,
"United States senator from Michi
gan." ' xy \.y
CONGRESSIONAL MILLENNIUM. [
"The presence of women in congress
and in all other legislative bodies could
not fail to be of excellent effect. Such
scenes as disgraced the closing hours
of the last congress would not have
been possible had there been honora
ble women among the members of both
houses. The objectionable female
lobbyist would disapear were there dig
nified women on the committees to !
which they now appeal. - . ,
—"Lillie Devereux Blake."
"The women would have more of the
fun if they went to congress, but 'let
come what may,' they are going there,
and before long. Some of us who be
lieve in making the most of everything
good, believe In It, too, and say 'speed
the day.' "Mary Fairbrother.
"Editor of Woman's Weekly and Wom
an Suffragist, from Nebraska."
"No one can predict the result until
the experiment be tried.
"Justice demands the trial, and ab%
stract justice can safely trust the con
sequences. * .
—"Mrs. Louisa Southworth, '
"Woman Suffragist from Ohio.". .
"If women went to congress, among
the results would be better English,
better manners and better morals dis
played by that body. Yours very
truly, — "Margherita Arlina Hamm."
"When men and women work to
gether as servants of the people (not
as spoils seekers and tools of corpora
tions), it will have a good effect upon
both, making men purer and women
stronger. It would give us- more just
legislation and a nobler common
FRANCES ELDREDGE . RUSSELL.
"Since men and women, working to
gether harmoniously in the home and
other relations of life, secure the best
results for humanity, it is reasonable
to suppose that when working upon a
footing of equality and freedom, sim
ilar results would follow In that larger
home— the state. • Women might make
mistakes. Men do; but their combined
wisdom would reduce them to a min
imum. — Zerelda G. Wallace."
Assuming that this -Implies woman
suffrage, every child in the country
would have a good common school
education, and thus be qualified to be
a citizen of the United States and of
the state in which he or she lived.
•The liquor traffic would be abolished
by the national constitution properly
amended and enforced by appropriate
The American home and American
home market would be protected and
Congress would become a genuine,
good government club, and the prob
lem of the ventilation of the hall of
the house of representatives would be
solved without expense, to the country
by the exclusion of the use of tobacco
in all its forms.
Things generally would be about as
they now are, only cleaner and better.
—Henry W. Blair.,
Ex-United States Senator from New
"In my judgment, the result would,
viewing from every possible stand
point, be beneficial in all respects. Thd
public morals of congress would be im
proved, its legislation would be ele
vated and liberalized in tone and char
acter, the rights of one-half .of the*!
comprising the citizenship of our coun
try and now unfortunately and unjustly
deprived! of all voice in making both
legislators and laws, would be better
protected than they now are and an act
of long-delayed justice would be done
to this disfranchised class of our fel
low citizens. Respectfully,
* —John H. Mitchell,
"U. S. Senator From Oregon."
DEMORALIZE ' CONGRESS.
"The question involves a groundless
speculation. The women of this coun
try, as a whole mass, do nor desire to
become members of congress; with few
exceptions,, they do not even desire to
vote, nor to perform military service—
these two public duties naturally being
attached to each other. But if such
conditions were changed; if, with the
elective franchise, representative duties
were imposed upon women, from my
experience in legislature I should say
the result would be the deterioration
of congress and the moral degradation I
of such of the gentler sex as become
members," - - .
—Thomas Dun English,
Member of Congress from New Jersey,
and author of "Ben Bolt."
"Women do not need to go to con- ■
gress to have their rights protected. I
cannot imagine anything that would be
more injurious, more detrimental to
the moral influence and solid status of
woman than for her to descend from
her exalted place in- the esteem of tho
best manhood and the most devoted ■
and enlightened sentiment of all ages
unto the low and demoralizing plane '•■
of politics." Yours truly. -
.■-.**. — Patrick Walsh. ■'-'■'-
United States Senator from Georgia. '•
"I do not know but a congress made
up solely of women would be an im
provement, but do not think one com- '
posed of both sexes a thing to be de
sired." Respectfully. - • -
—Michael D. Hartef,"
Ex-Congressman from Ohio.
"I do- not believe that it would have
any appreciable influence on the trend
of legislation if a few women were in
terspersed among a much larger num
ber of men. I would not attempt to
sap what the effect would be if they ;
were in the majority." '•••• ■•-■
Isidor Straus, 1 ! .
Member of Congress from New York. : ;
*— Frank G. Carpenter."
24 Hoars Saved to California.' .
There is but one quickest, cheapest I
way to reach Los Angeles, California, j
It is via the Chicago Great Western I
Ry. (Maple Leaf Route), which runs !
comfortable ' Tourist Sleepers every i
Tuesday. Tickets at Maple Leaf
Ticket Office, Robert and Fifth streets.
§ Mr. / Gutter's Surprise, 1
1.-* v ,('■>'**'- .-:, " -"*•'. __V_lS
WV'- .'....'., . BY B. W. L. ALDEN. *w]
Pall Mall Magazine. •
It had been an intensely hot day.
The thermometer had stood at 90 deg
in the shade at 9 o'clock in the morn
ing, and it had steadily mounted ever
since. At 4; o'clock in the afternoon
there was' not a breath of air stirring,
and the sky had the tint of 'a grea_y
copper saucepan. My room in the Je
richo hotel was like an oven, and my
nerves were as thoroughly unstrung
as if I had undergone three days "of
a Sicilian 'sirocco. Knowing that my
friend, the station master, with his
250 pounds of flesh, must suffer from.',
the heat even more severely than my-;
self, I hoped to derive some consola
tion from his misery, and so strolled
up' to the railway station to meet him.
I found- him sitting in a chair on the
platform '"of the station, moist, but
cheerful. " ' \ . ,0
"This Is what you might call right
smart of a hot day," he remarked.;
"You Englishmen, living in your ever- :
lasting fog, don't know much about 1
our Montana weather. I tell you,
when we. start out to manufacture,
weather, we can just beat all creation."
. "Is' this sort of thing usual in this
part of the country?" I asked. ;'.-_ ■': *"
'"Well, no!" he replied, "I can't ex
actly say as it is. I've seen the ther
• mometer considerable higher than it is
today, but I never saw a sky like that
before, and I never wilted under the
heat as I've been wilting since morn
ing. : Come, along inside. I'll tele
; graph up jto Athensvllle and ; ask
where Number 42 is, then . we'll . set
; down and: have a cigar." .X \
The station master went into the
' telegraph' office and sat down at his
desk. Suddenly I heard a sharp,
• cracking- noise, and my friend ran
out of the office with a startled ex
pression of face. \-;'
"There's an electric storm in the
air," he exclaimed, "and I don't want
to be too near that there Instrument
if I can help it. Besides, there's no
use in trying to telegraph. The wires
won't work, and now I think of it, I
haven't heard a message go through
the office for the last two hours.
Mighty curious weather this. I can't
account for it nohow."
He dropped into a chair; and almost at
the same moment his dog, a big collie,
came whining into the room, and
coiled himself up in the extreme cor
ner, trembling and moaning as if in
"That there animal knows that
something's wrong," said the station
master, ''but he ain't going to tell what
it is. Well! this weather can't last
, much longer, and we'll probably have
a thunderstorm by sunset."
"Tell me something to pass away the
time," said I. "My nerves are all up
set, and I want to forget myself for
awhile, if I can."
"Let's - see," said the station mas
ter, reflectively; "did I ever tell you
about Jim Cutter, and the way he was
surprised? It ain't so very much of a
story, but perhaps it'll do all the bet
ter for that reason. A story that has
got much to it is a mighty thirsty sort
of thing, and there ain't anything to
drink here just now except warm wa
ter. . Well, here's the story, such as It
is, and If you get tired of listening,
just say so, and I'll put on the brakes!
"Jim Cutter was the conductor of
a freight train on the West Huron
railroad, and he was one of those
chaps who think that they know it
all, and you can't surprise "' 'em do
what- you will. One night, about ten
years ago, we had one of the most
tremendous storms that ever blew in
the lake region, and the West Huron
track, which runs for thirty miles or
so alongside of the lake, was six or
ten feet under water. The day after
the storm let up, Jim started out with
his train and went feeling his way
along the line, looking out for wash
outs, and driftwood, and such, and
finding rather more of them than he
wanted. Just hold on a minute till
I light the lamp. It's grown as dark
as a winter evening, and it's only 5
o'clock. This weather clean beats me!"
A sudden darkness had fallen over
Jericho, and while the station master
was. lighting his lamp I went out on
the platform for a look at the sky.
The. coppery tint had nearly disap
peared, and a vast cloud of
inky black had overspread nearly
the whole heavens. Trusting that this
meant rain and subsequent coolness, I
returned to my seat, and the station
master resumed his story.
"Jim was nearly all day running
from Chicago to Ithaca Center; and
just a little, after sundown, as he
came around a curve, he saw a big
schooner lying directly across the
track. He stopped his train and
walked up to the schooner and hailed
her. There was a man on the quarter
deck a-leaning over the rail, and says
Jim to- him: - i , ".'•';
" 'Who are you?'
" 'I'm the schooner Matilda G.Smith,'
says the man. 'Who might you be?'
" 'I'm the express freight,' replies
Jim, 'and I'd like to know what you're
a-doing on my track.'
" 'Looks as if I was anchored here,
don't it?' says the man. 'The schoon
er 'dragged her anchor last night, and
came ashore here, where there was
about six feet of water at. the time.
If you'll give a look around you'll see
that my anchor's down, and that I've
got a riding light in. my fore-rigging,
all regular and shipshape. I'm the an
chor watch just at present, my men
having allowed that they'd had enough
fun last night to last them for some
time, and having gone on to the next
town in hopes of finding somethng to
drink. I've got a little old Jamaica in
my cabin, - and- if you'll come aboard
we'll sample it.' -."'.. ""* "*.' *
" 'I ! don't want none of your Ja
maica, nor yet none of your lip,', says
Jim, putting on more or less airs, as
was his ' general style. ' 'What I want ;
to know Is when you cal'late to get ,
off my track and, lie* me take my train ;
up the toad.' ' \ ':"-.' *I'j
".'I did tell one of the men,' replied j
the captain of the schooner, 'to tele- I
graph to- Chicago for a wrecking tug. j
If he dldri't' forget to do it before ' he j
found any whisky, that there tug will ;
be along, in'afoout two days, and then j
we'll see' what we can do about get- i
ting the schooner into water again.';--!
; " 'Do you mean to tell me that I've
got to wait here - for two days.-.ancJv!
marie?' says 'Jim. 'I'll do nothing of;
the kind. You get your Wasted schoan-/
er but of. the way, or 'I'll make 'kiri^
ling wood of her.' j
• " 'Considering that I'm at anchor i
with a proper light displayed,' replied*
the man, 'it's your business to keep !
clear of me, and I've no concern about I
It. That's the law of the road, and If |
you don't believe me, come aboard "and j
I'll show it to- you.' " . •'.'"'•; ail
• A shrill whistle, prolonged at the; !
same pitch, and growing momentarily!
nearer, Interrupted the station master,, j
: "What's up now, T wonder?" he.ex- j
claimed. "There ain't no train due
here at this hour." '•' • : "• ■:' 1 -j
: We both went on the platform. Far
■up the" road the headlight of a loco- |
motive was visible, and the shrlckirg :
of the whistle increased In volume with ;
such rapidity that it was evident that !
the locomotive wa*. approaching us at j
a tremendous speed. . Almost before,
we. ! had time to. speak of j the. strange
apparition it was upon us. Through
the station rushed, at a frightful .peed,
a locomotive with a single car. The
driver was leaning: far out of the cab
window on one side, with "-.ls hand, on
the lever and his eye fixed unswerv
ingly on the track. The fireman was
shoveling- coal into the furnace, and a
third man was standing- erect, holding
fast to the brake-wheel to keep him
self from being- thrown from, side to
side by the swaying of the machine.
In another moment the locomotive had
■ vanished) around a curve-,, and the
shriek, of the whistle was growing
! fainter. . •' :>r': :! . . '
I .. "Well! I've seen some hustling be-'
,j fore today," exclaimed my friend, "but
[that there engine beats the record,
1! She's running eighty miles an hour if
-she's running one. You saw that c,hap
; standing in the cab?" -..''*-. :....■
I ; I replied that I had seen the map's
j figure, but that he had flashed; by, at,
«| such a speed that I could not say. that
• I had seen his face.
I "Well, I saw it," replied the station
'| master. "That was the division, su
1* perintendent, and there's something
1J mighty serious the matter for him. to
1 be traveling with a special engine at
I that gait, especially as the telegraph
I isn't working. Come to think of it,
I that's just the reason why he's -tear
j ing down the road. There's some news
'that he wants to take to Spartansville
i before the 6:30 express starts out. I'd
! give something to know what It __}"'**" '
! "Do you suppose there's been an ac
cident?" I asked. *.:;>;..,...
i "It looks some like it," was the re
| ply. "That engine may be going to
■ fetch the doctors and a wrecking crew,
, or maybe there's been a washout up
! the road, and the superintendent wants
to notify the up express. Or maybe
he's only in a hurry to get to his wife,
; who was married to him about a
; month ago, and lives down to Spar-;
| tansville. Well, there's no use stand
' ing here speculating. It's darker than
ever, and for all I can see, about as
hot as it was at noon. There's some
kind of an astronomical riot going on,
and it wouldn's surprise me the. first
. bit if some blasted comet was to pile
j into us before morning." '•
j "Where was I?" asked the station
] master, as we resumed our seats. "Oh!
j I remember. Jim was sassing the
. schooner captain, and telling . him to
get out of his road. Well, the captain
stuck to it that in case of anything
running into him while at anchor he'd
j collect big damages; and Jim kept on
' talking sharper and sharper, and get
i ting madder and madder all the time."
i " 'If you want the schooner moved
!. tonight you'll have to do it yourself,'
says the captain, 'for you can see that
I'm short-handed, even if I wanted to
accommodate you, which I'm free to
! say I don't.'
I "'I can move you easy enough,' says
Jim, 'and that's what I cal'late to do.
: If I was to run into you at full speed
i with my big engine and a heavy train
! of thirty-nine loaded cars, we'd go
through your dirty little schooner as
jif she was made of wrapping paper.' ,
! ' 'Did ever you have- a collision with
a schooner?' asked the captain. .
" 'No, I never did," says Jim. 'But
it's about the only thing I haven't run
into in. my time. I've run into a brick
house, owing to getting off the track,
with that identical engine, and smashed
the whole concern into smithereens,
without turning a hair of the machine.
Your schooner wouldn't have no more
chance against my train than a yaller
dog would have with a Bengal tiger.'
" 'Of course,' says the captain, 'if
; you see fitten for to run me down, I've
'.nothing to say. Only I can tell you
that you'll be more surprised than you
ever were in your life before if you do
run Into me.'
- " 'I ain't. going to be surprised by no
trifling schooner, and you can just bet
on that,' says Jim. 'I'm going to back
down for about a quarter of a mile;
and when you see me coming, you'd
better get off that schooner in double
quick time, or else you'll find yourself
knocked clean into the next county,
and you'll be the worst looking lot of
remains that any coroner ever tried to
" 'You've quite made up your mind
! to run into me, have you?' asked the
j j " 'I'm going to give the order to my
engineer this blessed minute,' says Jim.
i " 'Well,' says the captain, 'you can't
.'say how I haven't warned you that
i you'll be everlastingly surprised, so
don't try to blame me if the thing don't
pan out to please. you. Now, I'll just
j go below and! get my log book and my
: papers, and then I'll go ashore; and I
call you to witness that I'm the last
man to leave this craft, having done
! all that a man can do to see as how his
i owners and the underwriters ain't
! cheated out of none of their rights.'
" 'You'd better hurry up.' says Jim;
' for when I start for this hyer schooner,
I there ain't no signals as is going to stop
me. I'm going clean through your
schooner; and I'll be a mile down the
road before the chips will get through
"Well, the captain collects his papers,
and climbs down to the ground, and
goes off into the woods, where he could
have a fair view of the coming catas
trphe, without too. much risk of having
his head stove in. Jim, he interviewfs
his engineer, who allowed tha£ unless
; the schooner was loaded solid witn
timber, or railroad iron, he'd under
j take to run through her without losing
j anything except, perhaps, his ' smok
stack, and that he'd be pleased ; ' to
I undertake the job. I disremember the
j engineer's name, but he was a careful
I man, and he knew pretty well that no
vessel loaded either with timber or
railroad iron had any call to be in that
part of the lake at that season of the
j year. :-:'XXX .:".'■_ • " • ; ''■_■' "'
".Well,' Jim climbs Into his caboose/, I
1 which, of course, was at the end of the
I train, and he takes his three brakes- !
j men with him, so as to keep them out i
! of harm's way; and then the. train
] backs up a long distance, and after a
j big screech on the whistle, Just to let
! the schooner's captain know that' the
! circus was going to begin, the train I
j starts for the schooner, with th^'throt- i
I tie wide open and a full head of steam
; on. -Jim says that when she struck the'
j schooner the train was doing a good
! fifty miles an hour; and he expected to
] go through her without feeling so much
I as a shock, he being a man that was
I used to collisions, and could generally : .
j predict, before he ran into anything.'
. just exactly what the . result ' was go
! ing to be... The engine struck the ;
! sohoonrr good and fair, but she never ;
I went through it. To Jim's tremenjoii^'
i surprise there was a sound as if all the v
I powder mills in the state"of Illinois had
busted at the same minute, art-t hen
i the freight cars began to grind against
j one another and to ' climb on. v "the* top
I of oneanother.and the splinters and the :
gravel began to fly, and Jim saw that |
I there had been a miscalculation about
i that colllson. X. 'X ' J ' : ;""'T : .
1 '/What had happened," continued the '
I station master, pausing for "a moment
! to throw a potato at the dog. who had •*•■
I begun >to howl In a most depressing
• fashion, "was this. That there schcon- \
I er was loaded partly with dynamite,- j
J it went off and blew that engine into
! scrap Iron. It seemed to Jim about I
: five minutes before It /quit raining I
j iron' and billets of wood; and when
: had quit, the wreck was in full blaze
I in consequence of the petroleum hav
j ing caught fire. .As for the engineer
and' the fireman, there never, was the
1 smallest particle of them found in the
1 Bl__**e of remains; and where the en- ■
I A Few Christinas I
x r^ _a. c Ss
g How hard you find it to decide that much ©
g mooted question: "What shall I give?" Some= ©
|> thing that will please and be appreciated. 0
I A WATCH, DIAMOND EAR DROPS or RING, |
I SCARF PINS, OPERA GLASSES, CLOCKS, f
| STERLING SILVER FORKS or SPOONS, |
I HAIRORNAHENTS, MATCH BOXES, FANCY |
| ARTICLES for the DRESSING TABLE. You f
0 can select any article in the store, the auction- g
© eer will put it up, and you buy it at your own $>
1 price. GOING out of the RETAIL BUSINESS. |
| Everything A I T.T'TIOIV i
| to be sold at _rH_J w 1 Iwl^l g
% Watches, Jewelry, Clocks, |
I , Diamonds, Silverware. |
® Every Article Guaranteed as Represented. §
>£ ' Two Sales Each Day 2:30 and 7:30 P. M. V
*^ Ak H 1 /Vl _P1 Jeweler and
g __Lj-__© m. __• 4__7_ll V ll\_^l l Diamond Merchant §
V SEVENTH AND JACKSON STREETS. $
gine had struck the schooner, there'
was -a hole as big as a cellar scooped
out in the ground.
_ "Jim and his three brakesmen had
to set to work to save what they could
of, the train by uncoupling a car at a
time, and shoving it back out of reach
of the fire. The cars were heavy, and
the grade was pretty -stiff, and by the
time that they had saved six cars, Jim
allowed that he was clean beat; and
he went and lay down on the grass,
and let the rest •of - the train burn.
Presently up came the captain, and
says, 'Perhaps, Mr. Conductor, you're
prepared to allow as you've been a
little bit surprised?'
"Jim didn't have anything to say,
except to cuss the captain the best
he knew how.
. " 'I'm . afraid,' says the captain,
'that you've made a bad business of
this running of me down. My owners
is fully insured, to start with, and
they'll be certain to get big damages
out of your company for making kind
ling wood of the schooner. What, be
tween the insurance and the damages,
I cal'late that this'll prove to be the
best voyage I've made this year, for to
tell the truth I didn't have any expec- j
tation that the wrecking tug would be :
able to get the schooner afloat again. 1
Well, I must be going now; and the
next time you find a schooner lying at
"anchor on your track, with her light '
burning and her anchor watch set, j
' you'll remember this hyer surprise, I
and won't be quite so anxious to run
that there schooner down.' . .1 I
"What's that?" exclaimed the sta- '
tion master, abruptly quitting the 1
story of Mr. Cutter's surprise. "As J
I'm a living man, that's a cyclone!"
We both sprang up, and I was mak
ing for the door, when the station mas
ter pulled me back. "Stay where you
are!" he cried. "We may have a lit
tle chance inside, but we'll have none
The dull moaning sound which had
startled the station master had al
ready grown to be a mighty roar, that
came nearer and grew louder, with
even greater speed than that with
which the flying and screeching engine
had approached us. Suddenly all the
doors and windows of the building
buret open from the inside. Then
there was a rush of air through the
place, and the roar of the cyclone grew
lower and fainter. The terrible visita
tion had passed within fifty feet of
the station, leveling everything in its
path, and was already miles away.
• "There!" said the station master, "I
reckon you're somewhat more sur
prised than even Jim Cutter was. I
expect the whole town of Jericho is
gone, and if I hadn't been up here
listening to my chatter, you'd be a
dead man by this . time Well, I'm
glad to be of some little use in the
world, and I'm glad an Englishman
like you has had a chance to see what !
Montana can do in the line of weath- I
er when she really humps herself."
.'"*s •'_.': Nevr Line to Peoria
.:. Via «The Milwaukee."
, D.ally through buffet sleeping car
service between St. Paul and Minne
apolis and Peoria, 111., passing through
Faribault. Owatonna, Austin, Mar- }
' shall town, Oskaloosa, Kiethsburg. etc.
Leave Minneapolis 4 p. m., and St.
Paul 4:10, daily, arriving Peoria 10 '
o'clock next morning. First-class ser- j
vice. For particulars call on "The
Milwaukee" ticket agents in St. Paul I
and Minneapolis, or address J. T. Con- t
Py, Assistant General Passenger
Agent, St. Paul.
;ri ._' y.y.
**■'* The Benefit of the Doubt.
• 1 Matron— is this novel a fit one
for mv daughter to read?
v Bookseller— Well, candidly,
madam, I think it a book of doubtful
morality. ■ ■'-- ..'
Matron— Well, I'll take it. Most of
those I've read lately have been of un
doubted immorality. -'." r .
__■ : -"/-'-'
..The Maple Leaf Lienila.
' The Chicago Great Western Ry.
(Maple Leaf Route) offers the free use
of newspapers and magazines on its
through trains, leaving at 7:30 in the
GUfISE TO EUROPE,
THESULTAX OF TURKEY A VER
ITABLE FIEXD IX HUMAN
NOTHINGS LIKE THIS EMPIRE
AXVWHERE ELSE OX EARTH
THE CHIEF EUNUCH HIS AD
HIS, THROXE IS TOTTERIXG,
Ami He Id Steadily Sinking: Under
- ! Political Complexities He
A weak and vacillating man, sink
ing down under a burden of political
complexities which he is unable to
master, is Abdul Hamid 11. The sul
tan of Turkey has sought to evade
the responsibilities for the Armenian
massacres by dismissing the grand
vizier, says the New York World.
But everybody who knows anything
about -the Ottoman empire is aware
! that the principal duty of the grand
vizier, besides affixing his seal to
ABDUL HAMID 11.
; .i>,.. '*» -,Qj;: I .
every dish that goes up to the sul
tan's dining table, is to stand ready j
for dismissal at any - and all times.
He is : put .up to be knocked down.
At the same time that the grand j
vizier was dismissed for allowing '
Armenian' 'Massacres'- to take place j
those' who committed the massacres !
were rewarded by the sultan. This j
double event exactly illustrates the j
policy of the sultan, who has sought
to placate public opinion at home j
and abroad. ] ; ,--> "••'«• • . ;->
By trying to satisfy everybody he \
has satisfied nobody, and for years j
his rule has been one long series of l
miserable compromises, just as in his I
dress he wears a frock coat with a |
fez cap ) and in his morality prates
of education, but maintains a harem
of ever 1,000 women. Before the Eu- j
ropean visitor the sultan poses as an
enlightened monarch, and before the
fanatical Moslem he represents him
self as the essence of Moslemlsm, at
once brutal, ignorant and supersti
tious. •"•-■' "yyX ' :.dy
What can be thought of a govern
ment in which the grand eunuch
stands" next in importance to the
grand vizier, who is th« prime minis-
I ter and whose daily duty it. is to go
down to the kitchen and see that the
dishes intended for his master are
not poisoned? Yet such is the gov
ernment under which 33,000.000 people
. 1 live, more abject slaves than any.,.
of the subjects of the czar, a govern
ment that is reeking with corrup
tion and distrust, discredited in all
the money markets of the world
and just now tottering to its fall..
' Yet Abdul Hamid may not be held
wholly responsible for this. He is a
weak man of good intentions, but a
strong man of bad intentions might
" make a better ruler.
Without knowing what he wants the
sultan, who is just now fifty-three
years of age, has many sides to his
character. He has no one decided pol
icy, but just what kind of a man he is,
1 his fean3 and hopes, his amusements,
his habits, the queer things he does
and says, may be best judged from his
This curious ruler, just now In the
forefront and not unlikely to be th,
last of the sultans, is afraid of his life.
He trusts nobody and lives a life ol
terror, which has driven him ,of re-,
cent years more and more into tha
retiracy of hi 3 seraglio of beautiful
' . He spends more money than an>
one man alive, and is constantly bor
rowing. He fears assassination, and Is
forever provoking hatred. He boas-**
1 of abstemious habits, and maintains
the most luxurious establishment in
\ When a new sultan ascends the
throne the harem women of his pre
decessor may be unceremoniously
1 dumped into the Bosphorus to prevent
them plotting. Abdul Hamid is said
to have drowned 154 In this way. his
brother having been on the throne
only a few months and not getting
much of a start for his harem.
Americans who have studied Abdul
Hamid say he bears a strong re:em
blance to Jay Gould.
To California on the '.Maple L.enf.**'
Every Tuesday the Chicago Great
Western Railway (Maple Leaf Route)
run a Tourist Sleeper via the Santa
IFe Route to Los Angeles— 24 hours
shorter than by any other line! Tick
ets at Maple Leaf Ticket Office, Rob
ert and Fifth streets.
Wild villus in (lie liny.
MILWAUKEE, Wis.. Nov. 9.— A flock
of wild swans made their appearance
in the bay yesterday morning, coming
from the South, and after circling
about the lightship several times final
ly settled in the water near the canoe
club house, where they remained until
noon, when they took flight North
ward. Birds of this description have
not been seen near Milwaukee for sev
eral years. ; ■■
j Science is " knowing how.
j The only secret about
I Scott *s Emulsion is year?
lof science. When made in
large quantities and by im
proving- methods, an emul
j sion must be more perfec;
j than when made in the old
I time way with mortar ana
j pestle a few ounces :' at .1
I time. This is why Scott's
i Emulsion of cod-liver; oil
neve separates, keeps
sweet for years; and why
every . spoonful is equal to
every other 'spoonful. An
even product throughout..
In other emulator- you are liable to got ''
_n uneven benefit— either an over or
under dose. Get Scott's. Genuine !___
• -olmon-solorcd wrapper