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4 GLOBE'S TELEPHONE CALLS. THE NORTH WESTERN. BnslnesH Office 10(15 Main BdUorlnl Rooms T8 Main Coiupoalng Room ..... 1031 Slain ' MISSISSIPPI VALLEY. Baatn<-»* Offire MM .3 Editorial Room* 78 ffihe§t^cml©iot«? OFFICIAL PAPER. CITY OF ST. PAUL. TI!K GLOBE CO.. PUBLISHERS. Entered at Postcffice at St. Paul, Minn., as Second-Class Matter. CITY SUBSCRIPTIONS. By Carrier. I 1 mo I 6 mos 1 12 mos Daily only ........J 40 I $2.25 I <4.00 Dally and Sunday .50 I 2.75 | 5.00 Bunday I .15 I .75 I 1.00 COUNTRY SUBSCRIPTIONS. J3y Mall. |_J m<> I 6 mos |_M tnos Dally .-mly I -25 $1.50 I " J3.00 Daily and Sunday! .35 2.00 I 4.00 Sun clay I ... I .75 I 1.00 BRAKCHOFFICES. Kew York. 10 Spruce St . Chas. H. Eddy In Charge. Chicago. No. S7 Washington St., Wil liams & Lawrence in Charge. SI'XDAY, JUNE 2, 1001. Tim tiOVBHXOR'S FRIEND, JOHN SOX. Oov. Van Sanfs judgment on his Belf-imposed investigation into tne conduct of the office of Auditor Johnson is remarkable mostly for what it ignores and for what it fails to decide. It may operate as a coat of Whitewash for Johnson; but the white wash is so hopelessly diluted that its eft", ct cannot be especially enduring. The governor in that remarkable docu ment uses the following language: The examination before me bears out fully the report of Gen. Pope, and es tablishes beyond doubt that the business In the auditor's office, so far as tax re fundrm-nts are concerned, has been con ducted in violation of law. • • • It ap pears conclusively that Harry Griswold, who was employed In the auditor's of fice by Mr. Johnson, has been guilty of the violations referred to. The evidence satisfies me that public moneys were ad vanced through Griswold to parties who wi re li'it at the tirru> entitled to receive the .same, lie also caused public moneys to be refunded to parties without can celing or filing of the certificates, and it appears that refundments were made, but the certificates called for, are miss ing. * * • Now, all these things having happened In the oflU-e of the county auditor under Mr.Johnson's administration.what is Gov. Van Sams judgment in the premises in relation to Johnson? W'ny, nothing more than that Johnson is a very good fellow who had a very wicked deputy;, and tnat Johnson, like the good and wise man that ho is, has discharged his wicked rgo, quotfsthis executive Dog berry: "I will not appoint a commission to inquire into this good man's fitness for ■!hce." O, lame and impotent conclu ei^n, conceived In political fellowship and born of the necessity to help out a po litical compatriot! The governor also .says in his report: As to Mr. Johnson. I desire to say that during the investigation he has shown no disposition to defend or excuse the conduct of Mr. Griswold. Had he ftp proved the acts of Griswold I would without hesitation feel it my duty to at once appoint a commission looking to hi 3 dismissal from his office. And when did Johnson decide to let Griswold go? Griswold, we are inform ed, got his conge the day that the gov ernor liled his startling decision. John son first ridicules the investigation and all who urged it; then he submits to it, and as a last recourse, after having sworn to stand by his deputy to the last ditch, he dismisses Mr. Griswold—presumably after he has learned what the governor's decision is going to be. So It required several weeks of investi gation on the part of the public examiner to ascertain, as far as Johnson is con cerned, that his deputy was guilty of wrong doing. It required a public hear ing, which lasted several days, for John son to learn that his deputy was not at tending to the duties imposed on him by law. If Johnson was not to blame, either wholly or partially, for the violations of law sot forth by the governor, as a result of which the public treasury might have be n depJeti d, then why did not John son himself take the initiative in the ex amination of his office, and not wait till a state official made a searching and ex hansf.ve ar:algnment of him and h's offi cial methods? If Auditor Johnson had been honest in the transaction, as the governor says he was, hs would have ordered an in gatlon by the grand jury, at least against the parties who practically stole money from the county treasury, under the fal.se applications filed in his office. In order to show his honesty, he has yet a chance to appear before the grand jury, anil insist on their indictment, and also that of his discharged deputy. If the governor expected the people of this county to take hia report seriously he should have recommended that the at torney general appear before the grand Jury and submit the case against the pasties incriminated, who should be In dicted for obtaining money from the : v treasury under false pretenses, and procure an indictment against offi who, according to the governor, falsely audited claims for tax warrants. The state treasury is interested as much as the county treasury of Ramsey county. There is only a difference in degree. THE AKMY CAVrEEX, We do not believe if the rank and 'Me * r the so-called terapermice people co-.ild 'nave foreseen the result of the abolition of the army rantecn they would have urgftd t:pon congress its abolition. It Is true that many are absolutely uncompromis ing. They contend with seme show of that if the selling: of intoxicants is ■ sin, the government ought not to af iimatlvely countenance it. Filled with Ehia idea they fail to see the practical side of the question. Tins is not an un usual fault with socinl reformers. They see but one side of the shield and refuse lo change their point of view so they can see the other side. There are those who start out with the assumption that the granting of divorces is wrong. To thto they cling and will not allow the con ditions to govern a p.nrticular case. It * so with all the other ills that society "fc heir to. The reformer la always ami of one idea and he gathers about him others whose mental vision will take in nothing but that one idea. They do not recognize- the word expediency—lt Is rot in their dictionary. Risfht and wrong with them are absolute""cfuantitles and not relative terms which change with conditions and with people. It Is hardly fair to call the people who insisted upon the abolition of the army canteen cranks —they are cnthusiastis who are so emo tional that they are incapable of weigh ing the evidences of right and wrong. They were warned before the enactment of the act abolishing the canteen what the result would be—it is demonstrated to them now and still they will not be lieve. To all those who are honest in their opposition to the army canteen the Globe would suggest the reading of the paper read by Lieut. Louis L. Seaman be fore the association of army surgeons Friday. There is little doubt that for the good of the soldiers the canteen ought to be restored, and at once. It may be the lesser of two evils, but it is so much the lesser that it appears almost liko a godsend. CUBAN PROPOSITION REJECTED. The mistake of the Cuban convention in accepting the Platt amendment with slight changes, has been remedied by the decision of the administration to reject the acceptance on the plea thatt it is not a substantial compliance with the spirit of the Platt amendment. This relieves the Cubans and places the question where it was three months ago. The administration by this action has unwittingly done both Cuba and thds country a lasting service, if this con tinued delay will result In the absolute rejection of the Platt amendment. For the benefit of the United States and for the salvation of Cuba, one of two things must occur. There must be annexation with all the privileges of a state or the Platt amendment must be amended so as to provide for free trade between the island of Cuba and the United States. The Globe has been of the opinion that the Cubans should use their posi tion to force congress to couple with th* demand for suzerainty an offer of the markets of the United States free to Cuban products. The interests of Cuba and those of the people of the United States axe interdependent. This the Cubans ought to know. This the people of the United States do know, but the tobacco and the sugar interests are so powerful at Washington that it will bo impossible to secure free trade with Cuba unless that be made the one condition of suzerainty cr unless aproposition of abso lute annexation be made and accepted. It is a severe comment to make, but it is true, nevertheless, that the Cubans are in as much danger now from the aggres sions of this Republican congress as they ever were from the aggressions of Spain. Between the rapacity of the band of ex ploiters which dominates ths present gov ernmental policy and Cuban interests, stands like a bulwark, the Teller resolu tion. Behind this and armed with the simple weapons of Justice, the Cubans, if they be wise and reasonably discreet, can secure the commercial concessions to which they are of right entitled as a compensation for those attributes of sov ereignty which they are asked to re nounce in favor of the United States. The administration Is absolutely righit in rejecting this modified, annotated and expurgated edition of the Platt amend ment. What congress has laid down must go without the dotting of an "1" or the crossing of a "t." Is not this the law as laid down by Justice Brown? The addition in the way of explanation that this suzerainty is but an amplification of the Monroe doctrine, is particularly ob jectionable to the administration in vinw of its anti-Jlonroe policy. Such a declar ation on. an international agreement might lead to further and very unpleas ant consequences. Just now t'ne Monroe doctrine is a delicate subject to refer to in the presence of the Philippine diffi cult ies. Although both parties seem to be work ins in the dark, one for purely selfish ends the other to attain the hollow distinction of national independence, circumstances may defeat both and shape the future for the good of both. We are half in clined to believe that "there is a divinity that shapes our ends, rough hew them as we may." OXE SEA THAT IS FREE. If one would compare the practical re sults of free navigation and free com merce with the fruits of a turift" taxed trade and a statute-ridden shipping, let him compare the growth of our Great Lakes commerce with our carrying? trads on the high seas. Because of the fact that the Unfed States has free trade between states, cur Great Lakes commerce, so far aa regards the traffic East and "West, is tariff free. Moreover, the navigation and shipping laws which hamper and cripple our mer chant shipping on the oceans and gulf have no application on the Great Lakes. What is the result? Our Great Lakes commerce, our Great Lakes navigation, our Great Lakes ship building, are progressing with phenom enal strides. The rate of growth is com mensurate with our growth in population, in farming, mining, manafacti:ring, ana rail transportation; while our mere-hint marine on the high seas creeps behind that of almost every foreign nation. It is difficult to believe; neryertteleas it is a fact, that over one-half of the Iron and steel vessels of 1,000 tons or over in the United Stales are engaged in the Great Lakes trade. The total num ber of that class of merchant vessels 13 given at 778 and the tennage at 1,710,136. Of this, 44S vessels of 91,538 t n3 are on the Great Lakes. That is to say, of the large-sized iron and ateel v ssils worthy of carrying the American flag over American products, 54 per cent <«: the whole fleet and 53 per cent of the tonnage are on our inland seas that are not hampered and hamstrung by hostile tariffs and barbaric navigation restraints. The Great Lakes shipping industry has pushed ahead at the strong normal rate of HO per cent growth in tonnage during the sarnie ttn-year period in which our THE ST. PAUL GLOBE, SUNDAY, JUNE 2, 1901. ocean shipping has made such unsatis factory progress. During the past fivei years the actual tonnage built at the Great Lakes shipyards is fully 75 per cent of the total construction at Atlantic. Gulf and Pacific coast yards; indeed, in 18S6 and 1897 the lake construction was larger than the entire seacoast construction. The increase in tons of freight carried, from less than 9,000,000 tons in IS9I to 25,G43,000 tons in 1900, shows how free com merce and free navigation affect the in terests of the producer and shipper. In deed, the sailor, the shipbuSder, the miner, the farmer, the manufacturer, the railroad man and the jobber have all prospered through the unrestrained com merce and navigation which have ruled the inland seas. And all of this inland commerce has sailed under the Ameri can ftag, while 80 per cent of our eea coast commerce still travels under Use flags of foreign nations.- The short of the matter is. that under free trade and free navigation on the Great Lakes American trade follows the American flag; while under a tariff-taxed and red-tape trade and navigation on the high seas American trade follows the rag of any old foreign country. WHIT IS A FIMPIXO CITIZEN? Truth harmonizes with every fact in the universe, but a lie-is out of Jclnt with everything. So intricate and far-r:j3c^- ing are the ramifications of t'r.e EOc'sS order of things, that a false account ft incidents concerning a single human be ing is sure to carry with, it lntiub tale proof of its own origin. The administration, backed by a bars majority of the supreme court, has at tempted to introduce into our system of government a policy totally at var ance with the genius of a democratic coramoit wealth, while at the same time holding: fast to democratic principles and the traditions and precedents of the nation. They have attempted to introduce into the symphony of popular government the discordant bars of imperialism without disturbing the harmony of the whole. The task is all too great for human in genuity. In the very nature of things it cannot be done. The attempt of Justice Brown to graft upon the stem of democracy the scion of an imperialistic policy is no doubt the best effort of which the human mind is capable, but even the abundant salve of sophistry which ne uses does not cover the ugly Joint. The administration and Justice Brown must begin to realize the force of the sentiment: "Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to declve." In their eagerness to sustain the For aker act, and thus preserve intact tne tariff schedule as laid down by the Dingley bill, they lost sight cf th e logical conclusions which follow in reference to the rights and duties of the inhabitants of the acquired territory. Like the g'"o.3t of Banquo, the dlsembod'ed shade of In sular citizenship Insists on occupying the seat of honor at the feast, while McKin ley, quaking with characteristic inde cision, exclaims, "Shake not thy gory locks at me, thou canst not say I dil It." Already the question of the status or the Filipinos has- asserted itself in a way to forcibly illustrate the absurdity of this illogical theory of republ;co-im perialism. The following dispatch speaks for itself: LONDON, May 31.—The Filipino junta in London sprung a surprise on Ambas sador Choate this afternoon. Felix Vor zosa, a Filipino, accompanied by bis counsel. Dr. Rigldor and Senor Jurado, visited the embassy to get a passport lor an European tour. Choate said: "I am afraid I must refuse, as my pow er to act in such capacity has not yet been decided." Dr. Higidor came back with the query: "Then to whom shall we apply for pro tection abroad? The Spanish embassy referred us to you." Choate replied: "Yes, Spain is unable to help you. I don't know how the difficulty can be bridged unless, perhaps, you are grant ed a certificate showing that you are Filipino citizens entitled to American protection." "Do you refuse passports to residen'a of present American territory?" askel Rigidor. The ambassador didn't reply, and Rigidor said: "If we are not American citizens, what is our nationality?" "All of these questions are for the su preme court of the United States to de cide," said Choate. Can a Filipino or a Porto Rican be guilty of treason? If he be not a citizen of the United State 3 and entitled to the protection afforded by the constitution, what Is his status? If he suffer ind;gnity at the hands of a fore:gn government, will the army and navy of the United States be called upon, if necessary, to vindicate his rights under the Stars and Stripes? As Dr. # Rigidor aptly asks, "If we are not American citizens, what Is our na tionality?" If we are not citizens, are we subjects? If subjects, what are our rights and what are our duties? Who is our ma-'tcr? Shall we look to the execu tive of the great republic for" instructions and protection, or are we to depend ' upon the uncertain action of congress? Can this congress or the executive Im pose upon our territorial inhabitants ob ligations and taxes without representa tion in that congress or without the or- ! dinary guarantees of American citizens? j To adopt the language of Chief Justice | Fuller in his dissenting opinion in the i Downes case, "we cannot believe that cor gross has the power to keep it (Porto Rico), like a disembodied shade, in an intermediate slate of ambiguous exist ence for an indefinite period." The curtain has just risen on this farce-tragedy—the trouble has just be gun. WHAT WE EAT. It is a familiar statement, and one not over complimentary of the race, that the shortest way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Whether the stom ach is the seat of the affections of the male animal or not, it certainly plays a most important part in deciding what measure of health and happiness shall come to him. The food we eat and our manner of eating it decide more as to feelings and conduct than perhaps all other daily ex periences combined. In the strain and stress of life In an American city men are found falling- every day by the way side, broken down in nerves and reduced to the minimum of vitality, who, If they but knew and observed the simplest rules of a healthful regimen, need never suffer till the day when the fatal illness seized them. It is undobutedly true that men, es pecially of sedentary habits, eat too much, solid food. It is equally true that such troubles as have their origin in the stomach, and nerves are not due so nmch to excessive eating as to 111-chosen food and foolish methods of consuming food- lien are every day avoiding the consumption* of ft«sh meat in order to preserve their health who are doins: themselves- grievous physical injury by their abstinence. Men are seen every day who regard themselves as having their appetite for food in complete con trol, and who avoid meat diet, who are merely denying their bodies necessary nourishment. Other men eat heavy and indigestible food arid eat it at such times and in such manner as destroy their ca pacity for assimilating it, thereby inflict ing on themselves the insufferable pangs of dyspepsia and indigestion. Nature tells us when to eat and what to eat; but we choose mostly to disre gard her directions. If intelligent men would, for instance, learn a few funda mental facts regarding their daily food there would be no danger of the Ameri can becoming a dyspeptic race, or, phys ically, a degenerate one. The consumption of a certain quantity of fats, of sugars and of albumen Is in dispensable to the preservation" of health. The needed proportion of these elements jis established with accuracy, and the articles of food which furnish them, and the proportions in which tTley furnish them, are equally well known. The al bumen we must look for principally from animal flesh, from butter and cheese and from certain vegetables, like peas, beans and lentils. The sugar we gJI wholly from the vegetable kingdom and from the sugars The fat» come from both animal and vegetable bodies. The vegetarian steadily trie.? to con vince himself that he may avoid animal food- wholly, He Is mistaken. Whfn h* confines him-aelf to a vegetable cll.'t s 1 ly and avoids animal products, such as mile butter and cheese, he ia undermining ii vital resources in such manner tee wffi one day bring with it the payment i f a heavy penalty. To provide himstl win tie necessary albumen he must eat in ery mous quantities, and even then te ur.ab'.e to secure the necessary albumen. \ ea table albuminous substances lis-e from 20 to 25 per cent of matter, which i a^ees through the' body undigested; wh/.o the loss in the case of animal album] v us substances is estimated, at 10 per cent at the most. With the growth of exact knowledge on the subject of dietetics there Is no reason why any intelligent person should suffer from the evil effects of ill-chosen food or of excesses in eating or drinking. The main constituents of freaKhful f;oa are generally known. The kinds of dishes we eat, and our manner of eating them are of vital importance. Those who do light physical latoor need less; tho33 who do hard physical toil, more, of the albuminous substances in food. The man who eats wholesome food and enough of it to stay the pangs of hunger, avoid.ns eating to repletion. Is bound to get more out of life, everything else being equal, than the man who lives abstemiously, Or who deprives himself of needful foods in the effort to escape the danger of con suming food too freely. The variously used expression, "good' cheer," taken in its broad«r and more comprehensive sense, applying it to mind and body alike, contains the greater part of the secret of how to eat an I what to, eat In order to promote good health. The experience of Miss Melt will bring back hope to many an ancient school teacher. Among the royal personages at Berlin are Queen Wilhelmina., her Impecunious husband, the swearin' prince, and Senator Albert J. Beveridge, of Hoop Pole town ship, Indiana. England is' reported to be shocked at the news of another British disaster. England will not stand many more such shocks, the ministry is r.olt on any too firm a base now. Blatherskite Loomis continues to pelt his name in the papers. The latest is that he will not so back to Venezuela. It would have beon much to the credit of the United. States if he had never been to Venezuela. Jules Si.gfrird states that McKinley told him that it was public opinion which directed governmental politics. Ma*. Mc- Kinley must have been joking. It is Mark Hanna who directs cur govern mental policy. This Is no joke. President McKlnley was once an ultra protectionist, but he says times have changed and he has changed with them, lie was once of the opinion that our plain duty was to give free trade to Porto Rico. Did times chnnge that he should have almost immediately gone back on his official declaration? Justice Brewer is sixty-five and his bride is a Miss and sixty. This is pretity late to start out on a honeymoon ex cursion, but from what we know of Brewer any maiden might well Mls3 most of her life to be able at last to hit it so well as did Miss Mott. What Is that, a baby squalling With the fits? Or is it a boy a-tiawling. As across her knee he's sprawling, While his mother does the mauling With her mils? It Is neither baby squalling, Nor a wicked boy a-bawiing— Only Mrs. Cattawalling To her kits. Gov. MeSweeney has returned to Sena tors Tillman and McLaurin their resigna tions with the admonition that they had better cool off and go in swimming. Thi3 action of the governor may have tho ef fect to spoil one of the finest exhibitions •of jawcrobat that was ever staged. Wiltli prize and bull fghts in Re-publican Nebraska it is a pity that South Caro lina cannot have so much as a tongue fight. The Family Skeleton. Washington Star. "Where have you been?" asked tho Boston boy's father. "Up to the library." "Haven't I told you not to disturb those books without my permission?" "Yes. I now perceive the reason of your caution. You were afraid I would discover that you devoted to 'Robinson Crusoe' and 'The Arabian Nights' those precious hours of youth which ought to have been applied to Plato and Euripi des." Policemaoi Murphy on Funston. "The day of miracles is not past," said Policeman Murphy, pausing in his beat on the corner of Holy Saint and Schlitz Beer streets. "And Is it Punston yez mean?" aske^l Policeman Finnegan. "I do, for he's a great lad. Finnegan, and the fame iv his glorious deed will live long after the tee factory is com plated and Misther Aguinaldo's tomb stone Is sold for old ir-ron." ''But how did tt happend?" "And do yez not know? Well thin, it was like this. Ysee, Fennegan. it was reported to the authorities that Misther Agginaldo be furnlshin' the funds for the war-r toe the runin' iv a drug store in Caibibagrohack, which, Finnegan is somewhere in the mountins. Whin Gen Mac Arthur hear-rd about this he wrings his hands in despair. 'What,' says he, 'shall I do for to save me beloved counthry? 1 'Aha gadzooks; I have it,' says ho, 'I will send for the brave lad, Fun3ton,' says he. Sa he shoots off his pistol for to wak up the thir-rty Fili pino lads who be sleeping on a bench be hind the ice-chist. 'What, ho! knaves!' says he. 'Ay . jnt! and auit me sight, and a dollar raise in the salary iv the first of yez to brins me thither the brave lad Funston.' .Ac] with t :;.t, Finnegan, th? lads run oui in all ri:-:e ti ms. And they found the in.h/epd I uns on swimmin 1 with his swor-ri :n bis t<r_h, to Hung hong, a huntin" for the tbrougfcile t'hot be ragin' emorg the heathen in thot counthry. and \v. in he hear-rd the news, hn swims back t. > Manila. "Now this iait Furs was well fitted I I for the gr^at task, Le'ore him. havin ! endiirf-.i all the 'hardships in bein' born ' I i and r-ras;-d in th ■ state iv Kansas. He | i wint to schoal ti tlie Southeastern Bap- i ; ; tist Academy and; Tfacfters' Insthitute in j Jefferson i a :nt/, Finn gan. and he made | his way fia can\*assin_' vacations among I the farmers for the Life and Warks iv ; L.ydia Fir,kh:>.m." Be this* means he be- DISTURBED RUSSIA. The censorship, in Russia is such a complete and crusMng- institution that the Russian* newspapers are about the last source > f infi.rma ion to which• any one would", turn who rally wisned to know what was going- on In Nicholas 11. Soitiiniona. The truth has to bo smuigs'led oat of holy Russ a to the Euro pean. press as beat it may. Even so. it lias* kfxm absolutely impossible to con ceal from Europe the notable semi-revo lutionary manifestations in St. Peters burg, Moscow, Kieff oral other towns, say* the London Express ProbabLy greai iiiiimlni'iii of the mani festing students could oat inline too clearly what it la they want. They have imib/bed i^octrir.es of liberty from their stixttes, and the consequence Is this incipient upheaval In many ways Russia stands now where the bulk o-f. the continent stood in. the earlier part of the nineteenth century, In the years after the overthrow of Napoleon, when the influence of Austria stifled any ru dimentary papular feeling in Europe. Boyish manifestations by certain eager German students were the only protest then; they came to nothing at the timf, but they were the premature forerunner of the revolutionary ou.tbrfa.ks that up set the whole continent years later. And so it may be with the Russian students. They may not effect anything now; Rus sia is too unrip.? and ignorant yet, it may be. But their movement, at any rate, i.s a sign of things to come. No one wiill imagine that the am'atole young- czar himself is to toe held responsi ble for the trouble. He ha-3 inherited a system; he is in the hand-) of an all powerful ring of bureaucrats; he Is not even permitted to know the whole truth about many things. His own tendency is known to he. toward clemency and Ju dicious reform, the latest example being the amnesties conceded to students by the minister of education whom he has Just appointed. But the czar cannot help himself. He has been forced, whether he realizes it or not. to break his own and his ancestors' pledged words to his Finnish subjects, and he will be powerless to stem the selfish, repressive policy of the ring which withstands all material amelioration und intellectual advance in Russia. Russia has work enough at home, with out seeking for more in China or else where. But the bureaucracy persist in sowing the wind which some future czar, df not Nicholas 11., may reap in whirl wind. NUGGETS. Pen and Ink Studio. Chicago Record-Herald. "Stubib's poems are very artistic" . "Yes; he says he thinks it's because he works with a norlh light." A SnocojiMfnl f'ii.sc. Ohio State Journal. First Lawyer—l just concluded a very successful case. Second Lawyer—Tour cM-nt won, eh? First Lawyer—Oh, no, but I gjt my ifee3. The KviX of It. Richmond Dispatch. Dumbleton—Fritter's chief fau'.t is that his temper occasionally gets the best of him. Flasher—Very true, and that wouldn't he so bad if it didn't reveal the worst of him. She Didn't Moan That. Boston Globe. Mistress—Bridget, I cannot allow you to have your sweetheart in the kitchen any more. Bridget—Oh, mum, It's vc.r.- k'n-d of you, but I'm afraid he's too bishful to come up into the drawing room. Not Seeded. Indianapolis News. He was obviously anxious, and she seexr.Pd almost willing-. '"I shall refer you to [>ar>a," said she, with a becoming blush, '"before giving you a final answer." "But I am perfectly willing to take you without any reference," said he, magnanimously. JOKELETS. Old Joke Over A?ra Tn —"Did you even hear that George Washington had an Im pediment in his soeeoh?" "Why, no. Did he?" "Well, they say he couldn't tell a lie."—Philadelphia Evening Bulletin. Grounds for Suspicion—Bank Director — What reasons have you for suspecting that the cashier's accounts are crooked? President—He says he can't afford to take a vacation thi3 year.—Chicago News. A Tie In Opinion—"What did you and Joe fall -out about?" "He thought I ought to foe friendly enough to give him that dog; and I tho:ght he ought to be friendly enough to buy it of me."—De troit Free Press. Sayings of Little People—A l'ttla girl read a oompos'tlon before the minister. The subject was "A Cow." She wove in this complimentary sentence: "A cow is the most useful animal in the world, except reilgion."—Les ie"s Weekly. Degrading—"But then the marriagw service; it seems to lower one so." "How do you make thst out?" "Why, the man takes the woman, and the woman the man, for better, for worse. It's so like a rummage sale, you know."—Brooklyn Life. "The Sins of the Father," Etc.—Tom my (studying his lessen)—l say, pa, where does the Merrimac risel, and into ■what sea doey it empty? Pa—l don't know, my sen. Tommy—You don't know, eh? And tomorrow the teacher will! lick me on account of your ignorance.—Har lem Life. A country servant was given a ticket by her mistress for a local concert. She arrived home rather late, and was ciues- came skilled ln cr-raft and strategy and valor-rous in war. "When he comes to MaaArthur ho gives the general the wink and say, 'Lave it to me, Mac,' says he. Thin ho hires a Filipino guide, bays a pr-rospec tyus and rows up wan Iv fne creeks. When he sees the drug store, which h» knowedf be the ten beer sign on the gate post, he lands and walks ln. "What the divil do yes want?' says Misther Agginaldo, affably. 'I be the agent for a new and monumental wor-rk," says the fearles Funston, 'which is entitled 'Shad ows in the Past,' say he. 'Be suibscribln" $25 Mcx yes'l be entitled to a full page steel engr-ravin' iv yowrself and wan volume iv the wor-rks bound in iligan mor-roos,' says he. "Put me down for tin volumes,' says Misther Agginaldo, 'will yez take a drop iv senathin', says he. "And while he was lookin' at the pros pectyus, the brave lad Funston trips him up and sets on him. 'Surrender:' says he, and he breaks all the quinios battles and throws the sodowater fountin' into the sthreet. 'Alas! me beloved country!' says Misther Agginaldo weepin'. 'And me thrusty followers, what will be.iome I\' them?' And thin, Finnegan, the lad Fim nton, who has a kind hear-rt, was touch ed, and he says, 'Let thim take their bolos and go home,' saya he, 'thfy will need thim for the spring plowin,' saya he. "The next day, he walks into Gn. Mac Arthur's office, and he says, salutin': 'General, l have the honor to report the capture iv Misther Agginaldo.' 'Give him a square meal and ha.vo him vaccinated at once,' says the general. And thus, Finnegan, closed a glorious page in our oounthrie-'s history. '•Funston Is a great tooy," observed Po liceman Finnegan. "He is that!" replted Policeman Mur phy, resuming his beat. —J. E. S., in Manila Freedom. tloned by her mistress on the matt«r. "I came away before 'twas over," she re plied, "and they were hurrying it on, 'cause they wire singi.ng two at a time when I left."—Tit-Bits. Revenge—Mr. Fijjit—l thought you said our new neighbors would not let their children play with our Tommie; I Sf9 him with them n^w. Mrs. Fij.il:—Yes but their parents don't know it; Tommie is just getting over the measles, an i I want their children to catch "em—the stuck-up things! '—Ohio State Journal. What She Would Havp-'BVr Instance, Johnnie," said the teacher to the bright boy of the arithmetic class, "suppo.se your fatlwr had a hundred dollars and gave your mother fifty, and then bor rowed ten from her—what wou'.d she have?"'"She'd lave a sore hanl." '-What do you mean?" "He'd ha\ c to cut thu money loose from her lingers."—Balti more American. A TERRI3LE TALKEK. Milwaukee Sentinel. A -well known Milwai k. c lawyer, with a weakness for- long stories, was a vis itor at Madison "once upon a time," as the story books put it. He saw upon the register of the Park hotel Uhe name of. Col, Gabriel Be ; U. cf Oshkoah, and decided fhat he was in duty bound to call ,upon that Nestor of the Wisconsin "bar. especially as th«y had 'botfii occupied the position of grand mas ter of the grand lodge of Wisconsin Ma sons.. =• :■. :.*'■■-.■■ He called, on Mr. Bouck In his room in the hotel, and found the Osih'koshian in •his sCiirt sleeves, yawning. He began on Masonry. -, First he gave his views of the brotherhood, from 'the building cf Solomon's temple "without sound of tool •or iron," down to date, and then he start ed in on the cihap:«r. . Finally, startled by an extra yawn, he broke off his story with: "Well, Gaibe, as T 'have been a;po!nt( d trustee for the asylum for the d eaf and dumb, I think I ttSffcd better go to bed; I have to take an early train for Janes ville." "For land's sake! Ts it possr'Jble that you are going to learn to talk with your hands, too?" came the blunt reply from the old lawyer. "THE AMEEICAU DUCHESS." From Geralrtine Bonnor's Paris Lf-tter. To my mind Colombln's is the most at tractive and characteristic of all tho Paris tea.-room 3. Hf-re, If one knew them, may be seen -many of the repre sentative fashionable French women of the day, and from time to time English women whose names are on many tongues. I saw tha Duchess of Marl borough there the other afternoon. She was in her royal mourning, all black, and is an exceedingly tall and slender young woman, with an incredibly long neck and a small, delicate, pretty face. I waa sur prised, for I never had heard she was pretty. tiil: saiajtk. With clarion call of warning It roused the laggard morning; Its stormy greeting rent the mist in twain. As down the glimmering river, with its silver stream a-qulver, The mighty ships stood outward to the main. And above the battery lifted, where the cannon smoke had drifted, A cloudy pillow shook against the s'm, While in measured tones and solemn, from the core of the pale column, "Good-by! and God be with you:" roar ed the gun. "Farewell on your far far faring!" boom ed the gun. Beside that burly Titan I had watched the gray dawn brighten And golden billows Hood the flaming sky; And by the vigil wraried, long hours that trailed and tarried, My jaded heart made petulant reply: "For all your Bounding clangor, your show of empty Rngi r. What part have you, whose fighting <iays are done, What portion or possession In all that fair procesHlon?" I cried in scornful challenge to the gun; In mocking, scornful challenge to the gun. Then he to me o>fian.t, like some easy tempered giant. Too cool and strong for pettier souls' to fret: "Discarded and disrated, of a type and form outdated, Past work 1 am, but not past service yet, Though guns of heavier metal resound in England's battle, Still. still my lips proclaim her tri umphs won; Still fcrec-t her stately daughters as they pa.=s on yonder waters, And hail their flags returning!" said the gtm~; '•The stately ships returning!" said the pun. "And you, securely Jesting at the worn out mastiff resting Before the gate my watchful brothers keep; Were you as true a servant, of your mag ter's will observant. The foe had never stolen on ytrar sleep. For you the kind Preator gave a harder task and greater, A kn'grhtly sword, that noble deeds had done: But you faltered and mistrusted; till the Idle sabre rusted In the never-empty scabbajd," said the gun; "Cold heart and coward spirit!" growled the gun. The day grew broad and splendid as the grim old pedant ended— A Boyal day, for some great victory made. And I left that ancient warder with his brethren all In order Along the heights In somber menace laid. And as down the glittering fiver, with Its burnished waves a-quiver. The stately ships spread seaward one by one, Like a mighty host retreating, colors high and tambours beating, Far down those shining reaches rang the eun; The fading, far-off thunder of the gun. GLOBE'S CIRCULATION FOR MAY. Ernest P. Hopwcod, superintendent of circulation of the St. Paul Globe, being duly sworn, deposes and says that ths actual circulation of the St. Paul Globe for the month of May, 1901 was as follows:— Total for ths month. 580,700 Average per day 18,732 ERNEST P. HOPWOOD. Subscribed and sworn to betore me this 31st day of May, 1901. H. P. PORTER. Notary Public. Ramsey Co., Minn. [Notarial Seal.j FUR PHER FROOF IS RK ADV. The Globe invites anyone and every one interested to, at any time, rnak; a full scrutiny of its circulation lists and records and to visit its press and mail ing departments to check and keep tab on the number of paoers printed and the disposition made of the same. WIRE GRASS FURNITURE. New Orlenji, I npit;ilf»t* to Try an Experiment. A movement Is on foot to establish a factory in New Orleans for the manufac ture of wire grass furniture, and. if s.c --•r m ' r s klU(l 111 ** world- s»y« "* J lines Democrat. The use of cat ex stricta. or wire grass, SJS" manufacture of binding twine for dSI- 1 ,airs' settees. tabks, screens, li r»/» % y,carnagfeS- musi<> stands ami in fact of almost every article of furni ture and every novelty i. wn:eu vi, v* or rattan is used. la a new tatoSJ?(h« years eV°Ped ° nly in tho >** -thrU trn'n£i cUreeUre oulput iS at Pr ' nt «>» \o,l by,""° r! rm - and so great lias snfrt t k deman(i thM this company is *££. tO, t he Slx, months behind m Is' or ders, it requires expensive machinery )I J IJ iYe t0 be purchased from it but con^e^TorsT™ Wholly larking in nuu'ti'. mock if, th? t 4t 1B unnt for feed rur and many'thou^and acres i bS secured Ijy lease. Uut it is said ih't h grass abounds in the marshes offi out uti izrTh °,V hfcr "^th.rn states. and°to ■■ii The new industry, if starte.l will t,a •such variety as to proiuce'a ■ eic.es in wnicn lightness rinr- iv» ■ . artistic effect are desired 4 " a:id thowav th f present cost Is r>erhaofl in mo way of general use o/ « r .- cr-i^s competition, which is bound to a rise wtll vill soon bo the furnishing ma terial of the future house. rnwnlns nia" JOSIAH FLINT AND MUNICIPAL REFORM. In the opinion of an astute corre spondent ofMcClure Magazine, "Joslah Flynt s articles have done more for" the Improvement of municipal government than has been dono by any, or perhaps all other movements in that direction" Such being the case the citizens of Bos ton, particularly those of the Back Bay should welcome Mr. Flynfs article in the June number. "Boston—A Plain Clothes Man s Town," in which "Boston Com mon Sumy," a hobo, discourses as fol lows : lll re'S oa Back Bay In cv'ry town am there? Sometimes it's like Fifth av'noo up-town in" York, an' it k2eps Thi« th i, T Ut> >""' SQ»«ttoes It ain't. This Back Bay here in Boston don't snout such a lot. but it shouts just enough to keep the mayor, the chief an' the otner guys a-llstenln'j see? The tow II never be absoloofly shut—dead t/ i iUt h m.? aJJ- CVfcn H ">e Back Bay screamed itself hearse. You can't tell G0i),000 men an women to be good an' think they're groin to jus' 'cause you say so All that the Back Bay's shoutln' really does here is to keep the graft from gettln' too bad, rotten bad,' " ■——^^^^—— Eitreme Reluctance. o Tribune. "Young man," the rising said to the reporter, " . |< tv is exceedingly distort* you have asked me to give of the particulars of the in my life I will comply. I ever, with great reluctance." Here he took a typewritten she t from a drawer in his desk and iiandtd it t i c-r. "I suppose, of courr?.--." ho added "you will want my portrait, and alth like anything that savors of undue p b licity, I can do no less ..han comi/ly with your wish." Here he took a photogrnph from a la'g'i pile in another drawer and ga.vo it to t » reporter. "When this appears in print." he .-id "you may send me 2i>() copies of the Dai per." mt Say* Btr. DleildergrntM. Baltimore American. "I see," said Mr. Meddergrass "that ono of them New York preachers allows that a minister has a right to indulge in a few able-bodied cum words at times I don't know about that line of business' but it always seemed to me that if I was a preacher, and they give me one of these donation parties, where they tramp butter Into the parlor carpet ;tnd spill molasses on the piano, I would be apt to go down In the* cellar an.i heap profanity Into the furnace until some bedy turned in a fire alarm." A.a Proxy. Chicago Tribune. "I can't see what a man of his size I wants to be crowding women away fr»m ; the bargain counter for!" snapped one of . the crowded. "Madame," plaintively spoke the lnrg« i man. turning his head to address her. "I ; am hero as the representative of a fanv i ily of eleven daughters." Mo»sJi-ur'« Way, Cleveland Plair.dealer. "You will have to be careful, monsieur, in accustoming yourself to our climate. Do not change your flannels until you are quite sure the weather la entirely fa vorable." "Do not worry about me, sare. I nevairc change my flannels." A Prolific Romance*. Cleveland Plalndealer. "The papers say that Jules Yerno hoi commenced on his ninety-ninth volume. ' "Say, he ought to be called th* grand* father of UeV