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20 THE ST. PAUL GLOBE ' THE GLOBE CO., PUBLISHERS (ffICML p« <^||^>' cmr OF st. P3ll Entered at Fostoffico at St. Paal. Mini., a-. So=3n3-CIa»» Mattj.-. TELEPHONE CALLS. Ncrthwsstem—Bn3ln9S3. 1065 Main. Edltsrni. 78 Malrv Tvlm City—Business. 1065. EditDrlal. 73. ■ CITY SUBSCRIPTIONS. . m By Carrier | Ima 1 6 moa I 12mo« t«l!yonly 40 $2.25 $4.00 Dslly and Sunday 50 2.75 5.00 Sunday ■ .13 .75 1.00 COUNTRY SUBSCRIPTION?. ' By Mall | 1 mo | 6 mos I I 2 moa t>«!!yon!r ( .25 $1.50 | $3.00 Dsi!y and Sunday |» .35 2.00 4.00 Sunday I .... .75 I 1.00 ERANCH OFFICES. Bwp York. 10 Spruea Street. Chas. H. Eddy tn Charge. Chlcaeo. No. 87 Washington St.. Ths F. S. Weab Conony it Z'w-'.y SUNDAY, MARCH 15, 1903. THE REGENERATION OF RUSSIA. The white czar lias proclaimed by ukase religious freedom throughout the Russias. The imperial procla mation would be more impressive but that it reminds us of the fact that the present empress of Russia, who was Princess Alix of Hesse, was compelled to abjure the faith she was brought up in before she was permitted to mar ry the descendant of that delectable monarch, Catherine the Great, who now sits upon the throne of the Roman offs. V,u\ the attitude of Nicholas, which has been gener p'.'y reactionary compared with the position of his grand father, indicates some hope for the future Russia, He is essentially a weak ruler, given to spasmodic outbreaks of liberality, inspired, it is not to be doubted, by the gentle who shares his throne. It is un fortunate for him and his empire that he has little of that dogged determination that characterized so many of accstors. If he were a ir.an capable of such a deed by Peter the Great fortified himself against the liberal tendencies of his foredoomed son, there might >d for Russia come out of the present ukase. Bui Nicholas is not the-autocrat that Peter was nor does he possess the spirit of Alexander 11. He has ; I an ukase, the bureaucracy that rales him and Rus sia, through the church, trill see to it that it is made op erative only so far as comports with the aims of or \y. The imperial mandate would not be worth the atten tion ji has attracted but for its possible bearing on the ill-fated Jew- of Russia. It does not appear that it will lift any burden from ike Jew. He is the victim of civil rather than religious persecution. He is segregated aud taxed to within an inch of his life, but he is not denied the practice of his religion by the local tax collectors generally. Tbe proclamation of religious freedom is not likely to be touch mnrc effective than wa> the act of Alexauder 11. liberating the serfs. That promised much and accom plished little for the masses of the people. The owners, in fact, r,i the soil to which the people were bound, found means to render the act of Alexander abortive, the bu reaucrats will evolve a method to interpret the ukase of Nicholas in such a manner as will best serve their own ends. x The progress of civilization is slow in Russia and the BFs are not to be depended on to carry out a policy. In the few years of his reign the father of the present czar undid all the work of his predecessor and the present heir presumptive is even more reactionary than was his brother Alexander 111. Liberty for Russia must come up out of the people. It cannot be brought about by imperial proclamation. An act of justice was done in making the salary of the attorney general $4,800 a year. There are some other in-tances of injustice and inequality in salaries that might be remedied. TO COMPLETE THE CAPITOL. After a very thorough and complete investigation of the work and records of the state capitol commission, a committee of the house of representatives reports the work well done, all moneys honestly expended, com mendable zeal and watchfulness on the part of the cap itol commission and the supervising architect. With this showing The Globe anticipates prompt action upon the request for an appropriation for such ad ditional money as is needed to finish the work and get the magnificent structure ready for occupancy. The taxpayers of the state will not begrudge the sum required to complete the beautiful capitol now that they arc assured the money is being honestly expended and that the commission and architect are guarding the state's interests faithfully. By reason of her population, wealth nnd the grander future opening out, Minnesota is entitled tc a capitol such as is being built. It will be a source of t-tate pride and a joy for generations. Every consideration of business judgment and econ omy require that prompt action be taken by the legisla ture. Delay in providing the money will handicap the commission in its effort to hurry up the work as fast a 9 possible consistent with securing the best results. Spring contracts arc being made; builders and decorators in all lines are planning their work for the season; ordcjrs ;/.e being placed for material, and unless the capitol con tracts arc scon ready they will be filled after all the pri vate work undertaken has been done. This will .reduce the number of men who will be in position to bid, thus rendering it probable that bids will be higher. There is no good reason for delay; there is every reason for prompt action in passing the capitol appropri ation bill. The acclaim with which the British people received the Rt. Hon. Joseph Chamberlain on his return from South Africa goes to show that the British public knows how to make the best of a gold brick after it has in vested. PHILIPPINE INVESTIGATION. There is a widespread opinion that the half was not revealed by the investigation into conditions in the Phil ippine islands, when the "water cure" and other atroci ties were brought to light. The matter was dropped too suddenly when the revelations bid fair to be harmful to the political interests of the Republican party. Occasional items of jicws get into the public press going to show that the usual conditions prevailing in European colonies prevail in *>ur Oriental possessions that is, that brutality, even the killing of persons for petty offenses, the infliction of such torture as the com mander may order or wink at, pillaging, looting and dep redations, are practiced. It is folly to imagine we can control tropical col onies in any other way than European nations with cen turies of experience control theirs. The life of the native is held in contempt by the soldier. Native women have no protection from his passion. Native property is his for the taking. Lawlessness of soldiers in a colony is greater or less according to the character of the officer in command and the distance from the home govern ment. The United States has had experience of the kind in dealing with the Indians. 2J*a Globe believes that a the full facts of the Philippine condition were known to the people of the United States they would with practical unanimity de mand a change of national policy. For the sake of a few dollars this great republic can not afford to be party to such crimes as are committed in the name of "trade." One disadvantage that confronts the proponents of the movement to send the militia to St. Louis lies in the fact that the governor's staff would have to go along and the state would be left absolutely at the mercy of any invading army that might come along. SENATOR LAYBOURN'S BILL. It is evident that the measure introduced by Senator Laybourn having for its object the amendment of the constitutional provision regarding the grand jury is not going to pass without a considerable amount of opposi tion. Yet it is worthy the closest attention of the legis lature. If the measure is passed and made effective by a constitutional amendment it will change the present sys tem of a periodical grand jury and permit the procedure in criminal cases to be initiated by the laying of informa tion by the county attorney. The grand jury will not be abolished, it may be called together at any time by peti tion or at the direction of the district court. The grand jury is a survival that is not altogether desirable. It is a relic of the past that might be dis pensed with in the interest of economy and it does not appear that any of the rights of the individual will be lost by its suppression. It has been complained, and sometimes with justice, that the grand jury is a pry ing institution working in the dark and not always to the best interests of the public. An indictment does not im ply the probability of a conviction, but there is a certain odium attaching to it that cannot be escaped, yet too fre quontly the grand jury finds indictments when there is no hope for a conviction. There is no redress for the individual. The interests of the people would be quite as readily conserved if the procedure in criminal cases was by the laying of information for, in case of dereliction on the part of that official the court or the public could direct the calling of a grand jury. It is not to be doubted that in Wisconsin and other states where the grand jury meets only at the instance of the people or the court the ends of justice are quite as well subserved as they are in Minnesota where the grand jury is a periodical institution. It is a cumber some piece of legal machinery and might readily be dis pensed with, according to the evidence furnished by the experience of other states. It might be in the interest of economy for Imprcs sario Wcinholzer to get a bed room in the court house so he could give all his time to his iegal business. EDWARDS WILL LIE ABROAD. Maj. A. W. Edwards has been appointed consul of the United States at Montreal, whereby something will be taken from the picturesqueness of North Dakota and Canada will be illumined. It is now many years since the major went into Da kota and started a newspaper which proclaimed that ".Records East of the Red River Are Barred." His ample person and trenchant pen were soon among the notable assets of the territory. He had warmer friends and more cordial enemies than any man in the territory and his biting sarcasm made him to be feared as much as he was hated. But through it all he was picturesque and embodied the spirit of the West. He has been shot at, beaten for office and forced to the verge of bankruptcy so often nothing could possi bly affect him, else would his present good fortune be fatal. Newspapermen thronghout the Northwest will not be inclined to quarrel with the administration for giving the major a good berth, for his friends will rejoice at his good fortune and his enemies will be pleased to get rid of him. Incidentally, his location the other side of the line, will make for the development of the annexa tion sentiment. The Canadians will be glad to ca.me into the Union in order to get rid of a consul whose Americanism is a standing reproach to all things British or foreign. "Doc" Ames' declaration that he would make the fur fly on his return to Minneapolis is probably merely a promise to shave off the whiskers that now disguise him. GROWTH OF LIFE INSURANCE. A table recently prepared by the Spectator reveals the magnitude of the life insurance business of the United States, and gives an idea of the immense profits of the regular companies. The table mentioned does not include the fraternal insurance business. There was a large increase in every item in the reports for 1902. On the Ist of January, 1903, the companies had as sets amounting to over $2,100,000,000; surplus over liabilities, $295,000,000; received in premiums in 1902, $407,000,000; total income in 1902, $504,000,000; total payments to policyholders in 1902, $195,000,000; total dis bursements in 1902, $320,000,000; whole amount of in surance in force, $8,719,000,000. These figures show that life insurance is one of the great industries of the country. The table shows that no other business can boast corresponding gains in every material respect equal to those of the life insurance com panies. The amount distributed to policyholders, almost $200,000,000, without doubt brought material relief to nearly half a million people. Estimating the policies at $2,000 each, there would be more than 99,000 direct ben eficiaries, a large proportion of whom hid others de pendent upon them. Add to these disbursements of the regular companies the sums annually paid by the fraternal companies, and the magnitude of the life insurance business can be ap preciated. Since coal was put on the free list there has been no evidence that that "infant" industry is in danger of be ing crushed by the pauper coal of Europe. Thee has "been no cut in miners' wages. Why not try the experi ment of putting .some of the other necessaries of life on the free list.'' It is suspected the beef trust and the steel trust would survive, just as the coal combine has kept on at the old stand. The latest theory in the Burdick case is so simple that it is odd it was not thought of before by the Buffalo police. Of course he committed suicide. Beating one self to death with a hammer is essentially a Buffalo method for getting rid of trouble, but it must be easy enough if one is used to using the hammer. King Edward has been restricted to ■Hve cigars a day by order of his physician. He is not allowed to smoke those given by applicants for jobs. Kentucky will soon be free from debt, but the world can never repay the obligations it owes the Blue Grass state for the unique nectar given mankind. Minneapolis laments the fact that her streets are the worst ever. Let her come over and look at ours and cheer up. ' If the Republican senate doesn't confirm Dr. Crum's appointment, will the colored vote crumble and fall away? ' One must pity Reed Smoot wfeen he thinks ot the awful job of explaining, the intricacies of parliamentary /?ACUce&4B«M wile. ' IHE ST. PAUL GLOBE, SUNDAY MARCH 15, 1903. fMr. Dieiey on the Achievements of Congress || BY F. P. DUNNE. ! L 5 Copyright, 1903, by Robert Howard Russell. "I see," said Mrj Hennessy, "that congress has knocked.pff wurruk.' "It has," said Mr. Dooley, "or, to speak more ace'rately, th' house iv riprisintatives has gone back to wur^ ruk. Th' sinit is still there with its feet Up on th' desk an' Its vinrable nose burrid in its chest. It's been a gr-reat session Iv congress. It will live long in th" mim'ry iv th' American people if they don't frget. Ivry time I think iv it, it makes me proud I'm an almost native iv this counthry where th' meanest citizen can go to Wash'nton an* get his rights but no body else can. "What has it done, says ye? Well, to begin with, it has smashed th* thrusts —well, almost smashed thim— veil, give thim a good hearty pat, an nyhow. In th' beginnin' it looked as though on'y half-way measures wild be adopted. They was unimportant bills to take th* money away fr'm th' thrusts, to burn thim In He, to mur dher thim, to lock thim up f r life. But th' leaders iv congress demanded more dhrastic measures. Me frind Sinitor Aldrich, who riprisints a constitooncy that's almost as big as my back yard, was detarmined that no pains shud be spared to bring th' thrusts to their knees in fear or gratichood. 'Gintle men,' says he with a chokin' voice, 'th' bills now up do not meet th' case. They are well enough in their way, but -what is th' use Iv attackin* th' thrusts at their sthrong point which is their money? They have gr-reat knots iv this, as I have obsarved, havin' lived in th' house with thim, an' th' best annywan can do is to pick off a little at a time,' he says. "My idee is to attack them at their weak est point. An' what is their weak point, gintlcmen? It surely is their binivolence. I propose to assail thim there. I do it with pain, fr, as ye know, howiver brutal me feelin' to'rd thrusts may be as a pathrite, as a citizen I have a rale affection fr wan iv thim. Th' bill I am goin\ to offer in th" name IV me frlnd Sipitor Elkins, who is poundin' his ear in th' cloak room at this minyit, wrings me heart. It is an assault on all ftat' I hold dear in life —on' don't, expict to sell till it's a good deal dearer,' he says. 'But,' he says, 'no wan iver knew Erasmus Haitch Aldrich to fail to respond to th* call iv Jooty howiver ad valorem,' he says. 'My counthry calls me an' I lay aside ivry considheration an' rush to th' bank/ he says. 'Th' still small voice iv jooty as it ticks off th* figures on th' tape is iver in me car,' he says. lam here to belt th' thrusts,' he says, 'an* here I am. I move ye, sir, that we substichoot f*r th' bill en titled a Bill to Murdher Thrusts this here small but fragrant law entitled "A Bill to Give Thim a Hearty Hug." Undher th' terms iv this bill, it will be illegal f*r a thrust to charge annywan f r its produck more thin it can get, to pay back money to annywan, to divide its profits with th' poor, to burn down its buildin's onless insured, to advance wages, to build churches an* orphan asylums, or to create a fund f r th' missionaries in Chlny. If caught in any iv these neefaryous inther prises army officer iv a thrust will be lible to a fine Iv four mlllyon dollars or imprisonmlnt in a loonytic asylum or both. As I said, I offer this bill with a sad an' achin* heart," he says. 'But I have done me jooty an' with that I mus' be contint. F"rgive th' tears iv a Spartan Father-in-law an', boy, call up New York an' get twinty-two, twinty Broad,' he says. "V at else has congress done, says ye? .Veil, th' house iv riprisintatives has passed a bill irritatin' th' arid plains iv th* West, an' a bill to relieve th* Filipinos iv th* necessity iv' askin' fr relief. » has passed th' chewin' tobacco, th* flask, th' time iv day, th* Men, Women and Things It Is reliably?tep^rted that the ameer of Afghanistan Is coming this way. Sooner or later we get all the celebri ties and see all)th« sights of the world, not meaning t* imply, however, that the ameer is a tighft. It seems that thh ameer, like all the truly great, though born in another clime, is an American at heart, and desires to see the coun try which he yearns for and which yearns for him, sjpee learning what a truly wise and B<k>d potentate is he. For some time he has been preparing for this visit, and recently called all his wives about him and issued a release for all but four. He picked out four of the most pleasing of his large fam ily and to the others he promised a pension, especially to those who did not enter into another matrimonial entan glement. This shows that the ameer, though living far from us, and never having enjoyed the benefits of assimi lation and benevolence, is nevertheless not entirely uncivilized. Some may cavil that he retained four wives in stead of only one, but it may be urged that as he is soon coming over here to visit us, he wanted to have some stand ing in Chicago. Young Rockefeller's Philanthropy. Young Rockefeller is a philan- TODAY'S WEATHER. Minnesota—Fair Sunday except snow near Lake Superior; Monday fair; fresh northeast to east winds. Upper Michigan—Generally fair Sunday and Monday; fresh north to east winds. lowa—Cloudy Sunday; Monday fair. Wisconsin—Generally fair Monday; fresh northwest winds. Montana and; North Dakota—Generally fair Sunday and Monday. *•* South Dakota^-Cloudy Sunday; probably snow; Monday fair". St. Paul — Testerday's temperatures, taken by the United States weather bu reau, St. Paul, W. JE. Oliver, observer, for the twenty-four hqprs ended ; t 7 o'clock last night—Barometer correct-d for ter- , perature and elevation. Highest tempera- : ture, 28; lowest temperature, 26; average temperature, 27; daily range, 2; barom eter, 31.38; humidity, 88; precipitation, 0; 7 p. m., temperature, 28; 7 p. m., wind, northeast; weather,- cloudy. Yesterday's Temperatures— •BpmHi|hj *BpmHlgh Alpena 3t> 32 Marquette 20 20. Battleford ... -3 '2|Medicine Hat .16 16' Bismarck 20 - J2|Milwaukee 32 34 Buffalo 44 <64|Minnedosa . ...10 26 Boston 60. £01 Montgomery ...68 72 Cheyenne $D SOlMontreal 38 3S Chicago 3? 56INashville 62 68 Cincinnati 5S «2|New Orleans ..62 63 Cleveland 48 52|New York 58 68 Davenport ....40 48INorth Platte ...30 32 Dcs Moines ...38 38 Oklahoma 50 62 Detroit 40 52 Omaha 32 32 Dubuque . ...38 42|Philadelphia ...62 70 Duluth 22 22|Pittsburg 62 66 Edmonton . ...16 20!Qu'Appelle 6 10, Gatveston . ..66 68|San Francisco .50 52 Grand Haven .40 42|St. Louis 54 66 Green Bay ...30 30! St. Paul 28 26 Helena 22 22|Salt Lake ....52 58 Huron 24 26|Ste. Marie ....26 32 Jacksonville -66 "4lWashington ....68 68 Kansas City ...42 421 Winnipeg ' 2 11 •Washington time (7 p. m., St. Paul). - Below zero. buck an' th' lie direct. It has sung 'Ol' Lang Syne' an' it's gone home. That's a good record f r the house. "Th' sinit with ith thraditions grim with age is still goin' on, Hinnissy. Me frind Tiddy Rosenfelt wrote thim a letther sayin' that they had done well, i They were a credit to th' counthry an' ' he was as proud iv thim as he cud be, constoherin' th' diffrence in their age. i He wud like to pat thim on th' head, ! but he cud on'y pull their .whiskers. ■Sinitors.' says he. no sinit since I come Iv age has excelled ye. If annywan Iv ye want a ricommindation as sinitor somewheres else I will write It f*T ye. I have found ye faithful, accomydatte", ] obligin', industhrees, honest, yes. in deed. I have niver known ye to fail 1 in politeness in showin* me the dure. j Ye have well fulfilled th' best thradi j tions iv ye're hon'rable body, but ye t haven't done army wurruk. I mus' call j ye in extra sissyon an* ask ye to get busy if ye don't want to be an ever , lastin' disgrace to th* counthry,' he says. "An there ye ar-re. What's th' throu ! ble, says ye? They ain't army throu j ble. It's a question iv sinitoryal cour -1 tesy. What's that? Well, Hinnissy, I >'c see, there ain't army rules In th* ! sinit. Ivrybody gits up whin he wants j to an* hollers about annything that conies into his head. Whin Dorgan I was in Wash'n'ton he wlnt to hear th' i debate on th' naval bill an* a sinitor I was r-readin* th' 'Life iv..Xapolyon' to | another sinitor, who was asleep. Sini toryal courtesy rules th' body. If ye let me talk, I'll let ye sleep. Th' pre ] sidin' offiVer can't come down with j his hammer an' bid wan iv thim yin"- I rable men. grim with thraditions to , ctese himself fr'm th' flure. In such a case it wud be parlyminthry fr the ! grim s'nitor to heave an ink-well at th' j presidin' officer. Undher sinitorya.l : courtesy It is proper an' even affable to^ call a fellow sinitor a 'liar.' It is i th' hith iv courtesy to rush over an' push his cigar down his throat, to take him be th' hair and dhrag him around th' room, or to slap him in th* eye on account iv a difference iv opinyon about coUietors iv iutarnal rivinue. "Southern sinitors has been known j to use a small case knife in a conthro | varsy. It is etiket to take oft yeVr boots in th' heat iv debate. It is cour teous fr a sinitor to go to sleep an' swallow his teeth while another sin itor is makin' a speech. But wanst a siniior is on his feet, it is th' hith iv mi.sbehavyor to stop him except fr th' purpose iv glvin* him a poke in th' nose. Afther a rough-an'-tumble fight th' sinitor who prevyously had th' flure | can get up fr'm it, if able, an' raysume his spectacles, his wig an* his speech. But while he has wan syllable left in his face, he Is th' monarch iv all he surveys. No rules fr thim ol' boys. Ye can say annything against thim, but if ye attack that palajeem iv our liberties, th" sacred right to drool, they rally at wanst. Me frind Sinitor Mor gan knew this an' says he: 'Gir.tlemen, they'se a bill here I don't want to see passed. "It's a mischeevous, foul, crim inal bill. I didn't intbrojooce it. I don't wish to obsthruct it. If annywan says I do, sinitoryal courtesy will compel me to Jam th' libel down his throat with a stove lifter. I will on'y make a speech about it. In th' year fourteen hundred an' two' —An' so he goes on. He's been talkin' iver since, an' he's on'y got down to th" sixteenth clnchry, where th' question broadens out. No wan can stop him. Th' air is full iv his wurruds. Sinitors lave Wash'nton an' g:o home an' spind a week with th' fam'ly an' come back an' that grim oV vethran is still there, poorin' out moist ; an' numerous language. They'se no raison why he slmdden't talk f river. I hope he will. I don't care whether he does or not. I haven't a frind in th' sinit. As fr th' Pannyma canal, 'tis thirty to wan I'll nlver take a ride on it. But that's sinitoryal courtesy." j "What's to be done about it?" asked Mr. Hennessy. '•What do I do whin ye an' ye'er aged i ftinds stay here whin ye ought to be homer* asked Mr. Dooiey. "Ye tur*rn out th' gas," said Mr. Hennessy. "An" that's what I'd do with th' sin it," said Mr. Dooley. thropist. He Is endowed with a kind heart, but fearing that it might run away with him and induce him to do many things that would not be for the public good, he has taken a course In sociology, and now understands why the reckless giving away of money is a very bad thing for the givee. The reali- Eation by students of sociology thai there is something more needed by the poor than money has been of Inestima ble benefit to the submerged tenth. So win n Mr. Rockefeller finished his course he saw the mistakes of his father in presenting cash donations to the poor, and decided that when h» began his operations he would give them kind words, which Is what they truly want, or would want, if they thoroughly understood scientific char ity. Scientific charity is the latest cry of modernity. It educates the minds of the poor before fulling their stomachs, and young- Mr. Rockefeller is becom ing one of its chief exponents. He is full of love for his fellowmen, but he does not desire to love them too much, for that is bad for them. Kind words are what they want, and Mr. Rocke feller is disposed to act generously. The fact that his assessment has re cently been reduced from $500,000 to $30,000 shows not only the effect of kind words, but evidences the reward that comes to a man when he earnest ly works for the uplifting of humanity. Two Brains Too Many. A discovery which cannot but be of practical value in every-day life has lately been made by one Prof. Farring ton, who announces that our old friend, the dinosaur, had two brains, one In the place usually reserved for brains and the other in the "extraordinary en largement of the spinal column." This will assist somewhat. The professor further argues that the dinosaur must have been of remarkable intelligence; though it by no means follows. Not be ing up in dinosaurs, but reasoning by analogy from dinosaurs to human be ings, we know of several instances where one other brain like the one pos sessed by some beings would only re sult in confusion and distress. In the dinosaur period brains may have been lying- around loose, but at the present time they are so scarce that many moderns are obliged to get along with out any. When Patti Comes. Constant Reader: Adelina Patti was born on Manhattan Island shortly after It was ceded to the Dutch. She is the greatest living soprano and champion short-distance international marriage artist of the Caucasian race. Her "Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc" have been erroneously attribu ted to Mark Twain, her only living con temporary. Her latest matrimonial achievement was Baron Cederburg, whom she has taken to raise. When Patti comes and sings us o'er. In halcyon tones we've heard before. We must give o'er our cheese and beer And save our coin that we may hear— When Patti comes. Old veterans of that famous war, When Washington our freedom bore. Left us deguerreotypes severe, In which is Pattl's face sincere; And we. the Sons and D. A. R. Must cheer each wrinkle and each scax— When Patti comes. Why Danesbury Fell Down. Sometimes when a man la deter- P The Modern Fable of the Up-Lo-Date Atlas £3 Who Carried the World On His Shoulders Copyright. 1903, by Robert Howard Ru33elL Once there lived in a Jim Crow Town a glowing Intellect who was Posted on all the Issues of the Day. Some one had to keep Cases on the Government and prevent the whole Outfit from getting out of Kelter, and so the Job fell to Mordecai F. Quinsy. Mr. Quinsy found that he could give his Time to regulating the Washington Game, because his Wife did Sewing and his Daughter was an Expert Ste nographer. Between them they kept him supplied with good o-cent Segars and relieved his Mind of all Business Clares. He had nothing to worry him except Affairs of State. When he tackled a large Interna- How to Manage a Bond Issue. tional Problem he could do so with a keen, active Brain that had not been fagged out by any cheap exertion, such as trying to locate the Winter's Sup ply of Coal. Mr. Quinsy had the solemn Phin of a professional Pall-Bearer, and much I meditation had corrugated the Front of the Dome. Those who merely caoght one Flash of him and never looked up his Record and checked off his Ped igree thought he -was about due to break into the senate. To tell the cold and icy Truth. Mordecal could not have been elected Constable, but just the same he knew all about John Hay's next Move and sometimes he fretted a good deal for Fear that John would make a Miscue an<J pernajt himself to "be Hornswaggled by them foreign Dip lomats. Mr. Quinsy could sit on a Kit of fl^i A^ttl Aj J ''3 To See No. 6 Go Through. Mackerel with a Bunch of Keys, a Barlow Knife, a Plug of good eating Tobacco and about 35 cents In Cur rency secreted in his Jeans, and he could tell tha Treasury Department just how to manage the next $100,000, --000 Issue of Bond:-. One thing that worried Mr. Quinsy a lot was the possibility that Teddy would make some serious Mistake. He felt more or less responsible for Teddy Inasmuch as he had formally nomi nate him In front of Pllklns' Hard ware Store as far back as 1889. If he could have been at Teddy's Elbow all the time to whisper Advice, there would have been no Chance for the Administration to get balled up. But the Trouble was that Mr. Quinsy was out at Peewee Junction and Teddy was up at Washington, and they could not mined to forget himself and live solely for the good he can do to others, he finds his path strewn with tacks in stead of roses. Such was the case with an altruist In New York, who started the "International Financa Operating company," and who describ ed himself as a "High Grade Invest ment Broker, Expert Finance Operator and Speculation Scientist." So self effacing was this scientist that it is re ported he was dressed in a red cardi gan jacket and his other articles of apparel were sadly frayed at the edges. In order to keep down hia expenses, his office was a letter box In a cigar store, and his residence a cot in a Bowery lodging house. He promised his customers 1,000 per cent a year on their investments, and when question ed by the police, remarked that his idea was ail right, only "I did aoi have the capital to -work the scheme like those Wail street -expert finance opera-tots do." Mr. Danesbury— such was Kis —received letters irom all over the United States, Inclosing coin of the realm for Investment, and among those who contributed to bis board and lodg ing we find the name of one fair finan cier from St. Paul, who sent 55* expect' ing a stipend each month from its In vestment. If Mr. Danesbury had been alone and the. police had minded their own affairs, he might now be oc cupying a spacious Wall . street office, with the other operators, but this is no longer a free country for those who would benefit their fellow men. All Mr. Danesbury needed was time, mera money and the continued confidence of his customers. - ■' ■ • • ■ • ..-■■-.. When Mr. Schiffmann named his boat Carrie Nation, he 2 might have iciKrern It would not keep out of the water. . —M&b. ... St. Paul, March 14. 1808. .. ■ "^ ' : — • Indians Visit Longfellow* Daughter. BOSTON, Mass., March 14.—A delega tion of Ojibway Indians In all their tribal glory of raiment, paid a. visit to Mi 33 Al ice Longfellow, daughter of the poet, at get together to frame up a Policy. Mr. Quinsy wa3 a man of Regular Habits and very Methodical. He had so much to do every Day that he had to work on a close Schedule. In the Morning, after his Wife had arisen and started to make the Fire, and put on the Griddle, Mr. Mordecal F. Quinsy would arise and take a few- Observations of the Weather. He was a very able Prognostlcator and one of his favorite Stunts was to get up in the Morning and do a little Forecast ing for the benefit of his Wife and i Daughter. After Breakfast he put on his Over coat and wrapped himself up in a Com- forter so as not to catch Cold and lose the Use of his Voice. If Mordecal P. Quinsy had lost the use of his Vole« this Country would have been in a Bay Way. Mr. Quinsy knew a Druggist wlio took a Daily Paper and so. the first thing every Morning, he went to the I Drug Store to find out what Foul I Break had been made by Congress. ! After reading the Paper he sat by the j Stove and laid out some Work for tha Ways and Means Committee. After which he went down to • th» | Station to see Number Six go through. j After which he went to the Post ; Offlce to wait until the Mall had been ] distributed. One day in ISS9 Mordecal | received a Seed Catalogue and after I that he was encouraged. While waiting for his Mail Mr. Quinsy said a few/ plain Words about the Knis»r and j stood up for the Monroe Doctrine. About 11 o'clo<#. ever/ day Mr. Quin , sy acted as Referee in a Pool Game and then went over to the Barber Shop to look at the Illustrated Papers con taining the Pictures of Footlight Fa ; vorites and Noted Criminals. Mr. Quinsy being possessed of an Analytl ■ cal Mind, was deeply interested in all ; Murder Mysteries and for every Case he had a few Theories of his own that would have been a great help to tha Police. Just at 12 o'clock Mr. Quinsy went ( home and ate a hearty Dinner, after WB^r^' ■^**^^^Sk EL M^ Wanted a Litt!» Rest. which he returned to Main Street, smoking a Farm Hand Regalia and gazing thoughtfully at the Ground« I trying to straighten out the Panama Canal Business. In the Afternoon he hung around I the Court House more or less becauso j he played a good Game of Checkers, j and besides he liked to be on hand In ! case the Slate needed the Services of an unprejudiced Juror. Mr. Quinsy had a Weak Back which prevented him from splitting Wood, | but he loved some kinds of Work and I th« Honest Toll that suited him best ! was to sit on a Jury in a Case Involv ing Assault and Battery. ! If there was nothing doing at lha | Court House, Mr. Quinsy usually went to a Real Estate Office and grappled with the Trust Problems. He had given much Thought to the Matter of legislating against Infamous Combines and he was one of the first to discover that the Trusi were ying to whip saw the Working Classes. About the time that he had solved the Trust Problem, he had to go ov-V and see the Afternoon Train go through and wait for his Mall once more. Late in the Day he usually dropped In at an Undertaker's Shop, wh Veterinary Surgeon and a retired Truck Fanner were collaborating on a Foreign Policy for the State Depart ment, Mr. Quinsy was always ■■< slip in a few Suggestions. He i dead set against the Anglo-Saxon Al liance and believed in the Annexation of Canada even if it Involved War. At 5:30 he would purchase a Pound of Oyster Crackers and have them charged. Then he would go home to Tea and tell Mrs. Quinsy and Daugh ter to fix up the Sofa for him, aa h« was suffering from a Headache and wanted to Rest for a lltle while. Moral: What we need in America la the Gospel of Relaxation. the Longfellow home in Cambridge today. and left as a remembrance a belt ol waupum. Miss Longfellow was invited to visit the tribe at Garden River reser vation, Ontario, next summer. «•»- . CHARGES OF POLYGAMY TO BE INVESTIGATED Special Grand Jury Will Bo Called at Salt Lake. SALT LAKE, Utah, March 14.—At th» request of County Attorney Westcrvelt, three Judg-es of the district court today decided to call a special grand jury for the April term to investigate "sundry public offenses" alleged to have been committed, referring to. the charges re cently made of the practice of polygamy in this city and county. Statements in the press that a mezntxr trf the local ju diciary wa3 dnirged with bavins recently contracted. plural .marriages is believed to have been Instrumental In bring Lna; about the proposed Investigation. ■.———.—- m NOT "BEAUTIFUL SNOW." O the soot! The beautiful soot! Soft as a klas and a^j black as a boot. Drifting and falling on alley ana street. Falling also on th« people you meet; As dark and as d^ep is this beautiful soot Ab the Democrats painted Apostle Reed Sraoot. Ceaselessly, heavily cometh It down. Clothing In mantle of sable tha town; Soiling the features of matrons and maid. Dyeing ail skins with an African shiulu. Slowly evolving a city of brunes (A • century more •will rind us all coons). Pomp*irs fat« wares to constantly root Or -we "will be buried in beautiful soot. I Once I was black as the V>eauttful soot: Xow no one knows but what Tm R beautj Pot, thanks to Smote Jones an 4 his llul« flim-flam, ..' *: Tbc fairest of blondes 13 as dark as I a*n. O"«3tf..«hoald'.'w«'Xear to embezzle, ar.4 loot? We may hide an our track* with beautiful ' soot. —St. Louis Globe-Democrat.