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THE ST. PAUL GLOBE
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SUNDAY, MAY 17, 1903.
THE SENTENCE OF AMES.
Have the ends of justice been subserved by the, t/n
--tence of Ames—does the mere conviction and sentence
curr\ the necessary moral lesson to evildoers? ■
The question is likery to be put seriously shortly, for :
there is no manner of doubt that Dr. Ames will appeal
for clemency on the grounds of his age, his failing
health and his impaired mentality. No weight need be
given to the latter claim. The doctor is sound enough
mentally. The only evidence he has given of weak-mind
edness was in allowing his attorneys to plead insanity,
lie is in had physical health, no doubt, and that he is
full oi years that are without honor is certain. But are
these facts sufficient to justify the interposition of the
hand of mercy to bar the prison doors to him? There
Will Ik- some difference of opinion about this and The
Globe will not presume to judge.
This man went with a clear mind into an evil scheme
to nrofu by the abuse ol a trust. That he did profit by
bribery and corruption of a sort that disgusts all decent
men has been demonstrated beyond belief. That he
should be convicted on the testimony of men no better,
even worse than he, who were in some measure his part
ner- in crime, is but an additional source of his shame,
lie was old and had arrived at that time of life when he
might have worn his honors gracefully to the end. He
chose to ally himself with the scum of society and to
prey ( :i the vicious.
Public sentiment is likely to demand more than the
mere reprobation of bribery that goes with a conviction.
Morally the law has been justified, but the aim of the law
is punitive as well as reformatory. The conviction .of 3
man does not act as a deterrent when the punishment
Stops at the shaming of the criminal.
If Dr. Ames and his advisers are properly and sen
sibly guided they will not attempt at this time to set
aside the dictum of the court and jury. If, ajft^r a time,
i: is shown that the state of the man's healths*^-Such that
imprisonment would involve cruel and inhurnaft prmish
ment then clemency would be dictated in the infeYests of
mercy and justice.
Chicago papers announce a scarcity of farm hands.
It was merely a matter of time when the temkwr^.fcke
Chicago farm hand to engage in the gold brick industry
would cripple the agriculturist.
THE KISHINEFF MASSACRE.
Religious fanaticism in the dark ages led to many
bloody massacre; but history records none more atro
cious than that which within the past few days has been
visited upon the Jews of Kishineff, Russia, during the
recent Jewish celebration of the passover.
A hundred or more killed and 1,000 injured, $5,000,
--000 worth of property taken or destroyed ami the en
forced exodus of 37,000 persons, only faintly tells the
story. The atrocity of the outrages beggars description
and appeals to the humanity of the world.
It is stated that only 300 men participated in the'
murders and plundering, whereas there are 300 police
and 5,000 soldiers in the city. It is apparent, therefore,
that the authorities winked at the atrocities. Only one
Jewish merchant was protected, and he paid a captain of
Cossacks a round sum for protection.
The uprising of the peasantry against their Jewish
creditors appears to be the foundation of the popular
prejudice which supported the murders. But the gov
ernment is charged with being committed to the idea that
extermination or immigration of the Jev/s will aid na
tional solidification. Race prejudice and religious fanat
icism aroused by the Jewish religious festival did the
The amazing feature of the massacre is that prom
inent native business men are said to have led and in
stigated the crimes. This may have been brought about
by hical causes exceptional to that locality. The Rus
sian government denies having connived at the crimes or
sympathized with the guilty in their programme- at the
same time, it must be admitted that the Russian govern
ment has not exercised the precaution expected of it in
protecting a numerically weak nationality. It is up to
the czar to show the world that his domain stands for
religious and racial freedom and is a guaranty of civil
liberty and security to those who live under it. The
thorough investigation of the charges and the speedy
punishment of the guilty are incumbent upon the gov
ernment, if it retain the world's faith in its professions.
Late dispatches from St. Petersburg say that the
participants in the anti-Semitic outrages have been ar
rested, and tried and sentenced in varying punishments.
The prisoners protest their innocence, although arrest
ed with the plunder on their persons. It now looks as
though the Russian government had the situation well in
hand, and that the outbreak is stamped out.
If Fred Ames had started in serving time immedi
ately after his sentence he would just get out in time to
have a family reunion with the doctor when he is re
THE KUHUNA AND THE BIBLE.
"False are the teachings of the white brother and
full of lies unspeakable is the white brother's big medi
cine book," sadly declared the kuhuna of Hawaii.
The kuhuna sits in a white man's cell, guarded by a
white man's gun, but he himself has cast from him for
ever every evidence of the white man's civilization. A
little heathen god occupies the place of honor in the cell
and at its feet have been laid the "plug" hat, the bright
col, -red missionary handkerchief and the pink silk par
asol in which the kuhuna once delighted to garb himself.
A week ago and none so willing as the kuhuna to do
the white man's god honor. With the pmk silk parasol
held carefully over his head and the white man's Bible
tucked under his arm he went about among his people with
the confidence of one who is doubly armed. For hadn't
the white missionary brother declared that the Big Book
would cast out devils? And what did the kuhuna exist
for if it was not for the purpose of casting out the devils
that afflicted his brother natives?
One day seven devils took possession of a friend and
the wife besought the great kuhuna on her knees to free
the afflicted one of the demons that tormented him. "Bid
ding the woman be of good hope, the kuhuna set about
his task. Until he, the kuhuna, was wearied almost unto
death did he apply the great and good book to the sick
one's head. And when his strength failed him, he di
rected the sick one's wife to take up the task. She, too,
beat with a will. Every bit of the good book was in
jected-into the sick on^s head. The kuhuna is willing
to swear to that. But did the unspeakable book cast out
the devils? The kuhuna acknowledges sadly he does not
know. The only thing he is sure of is that the sick one
was gathered to the bosom of his fathers and the sick
one's wife upbraided him, the powerful medicine man of
So in his cell the great kuhuna lays a portion of all
the food that is offered him at the feet of the little
heathen god for he knows that full of lies is the white
man's big medicine book and false are the teachings of
the white brother.
That Ann Arbor professor who defined the laboring
man as a $5 cart horse and the capitalist as a thorough
bred of value did not go into the price of asses, hence he
did not put a quotation on himself.
PROGRESS OF CHURCH MERGER.
The church merger issue, started in Ohio with a
consolidated membership of 1,600,000 and moving to
Pittsburg, where a national convention was held, has
reached as far west as Dcs Moines. The latter city
claims to have more churches in proportion to popula
tion than any other city in the world; and so church
mergerism there is a burning subject.
Notwithstanding the fact that union of church or
ganizations would throw « number of pastors out of po
sitions, it is stated that the pastors of Dcs Moines are
unanimous for consolidation. Congregationalist, Meth
odist and United Brethren denominations are those iden
tified with the movement to date. .Plans are already ma
tured to unite a number of the churches in these denom
inations and reduce the number of scattered institutions.
In the villages of the United States, where six or
eight churches of different denominations may custom
arily be found in a town of "800 to 1,200 population, the
church merger will probably prove of greatest value.
Throughout the country, church influence is reduced and
often made practically nil in the small towns because of
the frictions arising from a superfluity of weak and
struggling little church organizations bickering and pros
elyting over a handful of candidates for membership.
Often these denominational feuds destroy the progress
of the village, enter its business and political life, and
carry strife where they are supposed to produce peace,
love and charity.
It is in the smaller cities and in the villages of the
country, that the church consolidation movement will
perform its most valuable mission, although there is little
question that the reduction of sects by union is destined
to be general and progressive.
Goy. Taft proposes to solve the labor problem in the
Philippines by excluding the Chinese, and. as no one
works in the Philippines but the Chinese, it looks like a
sure thing for Taft.
MILES AND HIS CRITICS.
Because Gen. Miles, the head of the American army,
has exposed the offenses committed "in the Philippines,
the administration army and navy circles have attacked
him Jas an enemy of the army. In his reply. Gen. Miles
properly asks if the postoffice investigation now going
on proves that those supporting the prosecution are enf
mies of the United States postoffice. «
Among the interesting features of the general's ra«
ply to his critics are the following:
I. He went to the Philippines in his official capacity,
"antr dislikes to have his report on conditions there
garbled and published piecemeal, and not only that, al
tered so as to mislead the reader.
The existence of torture is a subject demanding se
vere and serious attention. There was not one case, of tor
ture in the history of the entire Civil war, where 3,000,
--000 men were engaged; nor have the soldiers been per
mitted to retaliate upon the Indians with torture in 100
years of war with Indian tribes.
2. That the government war department and its polit
ical disciples should lend themselves to attack and insult
a man of the standing of Gen. Nelson A. Miles before the
world, is something past finding out. It will be a long
time before any of his traducers possess a tithe of the
reputation and popularity commanded by- Gen. Mi^:s
either in this country or in Europe.
For the cause of an efficient and respectable soldiery,
as well as for the cause of humanity and the good name
, of the American flag, Gen. Miles has done noble work,"as
the public is well aware and cordial to appreciate.
It is said down in lowa that it is a libel to call a cor
poration a trust. There are some corporations that would
consider it a boost.
THE DIVORCE COMEDY.
In her hotel apartments in Sioux Falls Mrs. Roland
Molineux is preparing to become a bride. Incidentally,
she is waiting for the law to make her a widow. Though
not yet off with the old love, she is engaged in the prep
aration of a trousseau that will do her justice in the eyes
of the new. Of course, there nothing so remarkable in
this. Life is filled with little ironies and men and women
have grown accustomed to seeing the funeral baked
meats served up at the marriage feast.
The Molineux incident would not be worth noticing
did it not give point to the statement that some Amer
ican dramatist is ignoring an excellent opportunity by
overlooking the possibilities of Sioux Falls as a setting
for a play. It would have to be a comedy or a farce, of
course. There's golfing and there's gambling and there's
grumbling at the law's delay in Sioux Falls, but there's
no grieving. At least, not enough to make a tragedy.
Such a play might fail to catch the conscience of the
people, but if handled skillfully—by one Mr. Fitch, for
instance—it. could not fail to entertain which after all,
is the main thing. Americans pride themselves on their
institutions and where could be found one more native
to the soil than the fashionable divorce mill at Sioux
Falls? It deserves a place in dramatic literature for this
reason if for no other, that it has proved the fallacy of
the old adage that he who marries in haste must repent
at leisure. In Sioux Falls one has to repent only a little
over a year and all that time need not be spent in repent
ing either, as Mrs. Molineux's case shows.
Poor Workman Lacks Interest.
Mr. Carnegie does not believe that merely salaried
service brings out the best that is in a man. His idea is
that the personal equation, the intimate interest evolved
by participation in the profits, he says, can make no
headway against a crew of partners. Mr. Carnegie has.
enunciated most of this in this country at other times,
although It was new to his audience. But even here',
where his views are familiar, the reiteration of his be
lief is of pubHc benefit. It contains the germ of the ulti
mate solution of the labor question. If capital and labor
are to become reconciled beyond the possibility of dif
ference it must be accomplished along this line. Pitts
It's a Warning for Uncle Sam.
The rumor that Colombia has succeeded in holding
up the Panama Canal company for $12,000,000 of its
$40,000,000 will not be very agreeable information for
Uncle Sam. But he will know a good deal more about
Colombia as a result.—Columbus Dispatch.
Artists Are Appreciated.
The barber bill has become a law and hereafter bar
bering in Wisconsin will be conducted under state con
trol. The professions are getting to the front.—Mil
THE ST. PAUL % O Rgi WAV, MA* 17, 1903
Men, Worn hi
An item of interesting news which
comes from New York is that Mrs. O.
H. r. Belmont has again changed the
color of her loc^h. Mrs. Belmont is
given to changes', aud sudden ones at
that. One day ajie rose as Mrs. Van
dcrbilt, but before night she had be
come Mrs. Belmontl and the love of
change seems to ha.ye gotten into her
blood. It is now reported that every
morning a man with a bag- arrives at
Mrs. Belmont's door, is let fn and does
something to her hair which is making
it a beautiful brown. When she was
Mrs. Vanderbilt it was black, now she
is another woman and wishes to
change her entire appearance. This is
one of the advantages of the age in
which we live. Women who are sup
posed when they marry to leave hope
behind now find that they can marry
anybody at any time and change their
hair to suit the change of each hus
band. Indeed, there is a man in New
York who claims to be able to give
one a new face if the original is not
entirely satisfactory. All these mod
ern improvements — and comforts —
arouse in our breasts the most pro
found pity for our grandmothers, who
had but one husband and the same
face and hair during a long and hard
The Fourth of July is ffoing to be a
lovely, peaceful day this year—that is,
if the plans of the quiet-day commit
tee .are realized. In Chicago the school
teachers have asked the small boy if
-he would not enjoy celebrating 1 by lis
tening to patriotic lectures on the
grent and glorious feafs of his heroic
ancestors, rather than in shooting off
firecrackers and splitting the ear
dru.ms of his progenitors. And the
small boy said of course, he would,
1 and-4-hen he winked his other eye. He
has been told that Jie can recite Sheri
dan's Ride or that of Paul Revere as
early as 4 o'clock in the morning, but
not a cracker rnsis|jLbe set off unless it
has been water 'ifof The St. Paul
Johnnies and "W? lit 3 w.H probably be
invited to a mejj tSfe of the Chamber
of Commerce anjj tjStoli what a grand
day it is, but fu«h|f than that it must
not go. Meaninjj d » disrespect to the
worthy committf ; jfe viould venture to
predict that nev»i»«^n the history of
this commonwelj th. will there ever
have been so noisy and awful a Fourth
as the one scheduled for two months
hence, nor so mgn^eyes blown out or
fingers blown ofl| fjf Johnny and Wil
lie had been agkesfl to the meeting
things might be ai#erent.
Life in our sister republics Is even
more strenuous than it is up here,
where it is surely hard enough. They
get a new president in one of those
small countries and an entirely new
cabinet, and befor^ the chief executive
can have his name printed on the offi
cial stationery he will wake up and
tirid a revolution has started during
the night and that an envoy of Signor
Taraboom is waiting at the gate to
hand him his abdication. Then they
find a*i entirely new set of presidents
and other officials, and start again
only to repeat the experience. Then
missionaries -from this enlightened
land go down, and no one knowing why
they are there they are misunderstood
anrf their righteous motives impugned,
ami they find themselves prisoners of
a Government that has been estab
lished over night. We reproach Vhese
'pwn^e with their lack of progress.
while it is sufficiently evident that they
scarcely find a moment in which to
wash their faces, and that it takes
most all the time there is to find out
who is president.
Art has had a knockout blow lately
in Liondon. One of the most promi
nent and high-priced of English tail
ors went to the Royal Academy to
view the portraits and came away dis
gusted. He has not much of an
opinion of the artist who painted
those portraits and he has said so in
no uncertain terms. The first picture
he. criticises is one of. Lord Mount
Stephen which will do very well aB
to the face, but the way his coat was
painted 'would make an honest tailor
Jump. There were no buttons on his
coat. Now where was that artist
brought up, and if he does not paint.
buttons on coats what is the use of
his calling himself an artist? Also The
si He'on the collar of Lord Mount
Stephen's coat is an inch narrower
than the present style. No. 73 which
isa portrait of Mr. H. T. L^vy is a
personal affront to all tailors. The
silk on the lapels "is indicated as
fofiming a continuation of the collar,
a style that old women who mend
clothes might adopt. It is a libel on
tailordom. It h^as the breast pocket
round and out ; of all shape and the
collar Is short and turning up." An
other terrible thing? is in a portrait of
Mr. Leslie Melville. The right lapel
of his coat is at least five times as
large as the 'left; Another painful
thing is that in t^ie picture of the
Rev. Nelson Loraine and his dog,
there is not a single seam in the coat
of the reverend gentleman. The cut
of the dog seems Satisfactory. Here
after it is to be hoped that English
portrait painters will take a course
in up-to-date tailoring before they
go to work.
The marriage of a mother and
daughter to two brothers the other
day in New York is only a reminder
of how mixed the relationships in the
smart set are becoming. I n this case
the mother and daughter are now
sistera-in-Jaw, and one of the broth
ers becomes step-father to the other—
that is as far as we can go. Let hrm
who can figure it out.
St. Paul, May 16. 1903.
Minnesota — Showers Sunday: not so
warm in west and south portions; Mon
day showers and colder; fresh .to brisk,
south wjnds, becoming northwest.
i • —Showers Sunday except in
northwest portion; Monday showers and
cooler; fresh south winds, increasing.
Upper Michigan—Fair in east, showers
in west portion; Monday showers and
colder; brisk south winds. -_:^:^. ».
; Montana— Sunday; colder in east
portion; Monday fair and warmer. ;.
• South Dakota — Showers and colder
Sunday; Monday fair hi west; showers In
east portion. , • . -
North Dakota and lowa— Showers and
colder Sunday; Monday fair. "
St. Paul—Yesterday's temperatures
taken.by .the United States weather bu
reau, St. Paul, .W. E. Oliver, observer, for
the twenty-four hours ended at 7 o'clock
last night—barometer corrected for tem
perature and elevation. Highest tempera
ture, 81; lowest temperature, 59; average
temperature, 70; daily- range. 22; barom
eter. 29.89; humidity, ,60; precipitation,
0; 7 p. m. temperature. 78; 7 p. m. wind,
southeast; i weather, -clear.
■*'.: ■■:,■ •fcpimligtti . •SomHigh
Alpena ....68;. (^[Medicine Hat..4B 64
Hattleford 70 Milwaukee ..56 62
Bismarck ....8v &6 Minnedosa ..68 78
Buffalo... 7(J 82 Montgomery --76 80
Boston ....;.. 50 56 Montreal ......64 74
Calgary.. .'!» 62 I Nashville .....78 84
Cheyenne 60 7.9 New Orleans • .74 82
Chicago ... v.. 64 M I New ; York .:. 62 72
Cincinnati 80 84 Norfolk ... 74 74
Cleveland It 72 North Platte .68 76
Detroit 7(T .76 Omaha .. 76 so
Duluth 5% 62 Philadelphia . .68 78
Grand Haven.7o 76 Pittsburg 76 r 80
Green : Bay ...7« 80 Qu'Appelle ....58 74
Helena 4£ 44|San Francisco. sß 60
Huron 76 82|St. Louis 76 86
Jacksonville .66 - 741 Salt Lake ....44 52
Kansas City..7B SOISte. Marie .. .64 78
Marquette 70 82|Washington ..72 80
Memphis . 78 821 Winnipeg .....60 74
•Washington time (7 p. m. St. Paul).
Danger Gauge. Change in
Line. Reading. 24 Hours.
St. Paul 14 10.1 ♦0.5
I*a Crease 10 9.6 *0.5
Davenport 16 8-8 *0.2
St. Louis 30 15.8 —0.1
•Rlsft. —Fall. . : . --.--I
- The - Mississippi • will rise - slowly in the
vicinity of St. Paul during the next thirty
lsix hours. ,' *
Grist of the
The eocksureness with which well
informed Hennepin politicians assert
Lieut. Gov. Ray Jones will h«ve no
trouble with the Hennepin delegation
revives rather than diminishes the in
terest which attaches to the candidacy
of C. A. Smith, of Minneapolis, a ten
tative aspirant for gubernatorial
The men who are banking strongest
on a free run for Jones, which of
course leaves Smith out oS the list
of gubernatorial candidates, are men
perfectly familiar with the shifting
winds of Hennepih's Republican sea
and make their calculations according
ly. They consider Smith out of the
race or they could not be so confident
of the -delegation for Jones. Without
considering the relative importance of
a governor and the presiding officer of
the state senate it would require a lot
of faith to believe that Jones could
beat Smith in a chase for the dele
Jones Is a good fellow. He made a
very acceptable lieutenant governor.
He has many friends and money and
is perfectly willing to part with the
latter. Smith also has money, which
he would be willing to separate him
self from if he went out to get that
delegation. But in the last analysis
Smith has Jones chained to the post
on the question of nationality. He
could make his campaign as a repre
sentative Swedish-American and it
. It does not require a long political
head to understand that situation, con
sequently it is fair to presume that
the men who assert confidently that
Jones will have no trouble are con
fident that Smith will not seek guber
natorialiionors. The chances are that
Mr. Smith will not seek the nomina
tion which in 'all probability he is sat
isfied he could not land. If C. A.
Smith is a candidate for governor it
will not be with the idea of landing
the plum but to get satisfaction. "
; Mr. Smith does not like "Bob" Dunn,
and the idea of the former state audi
tor as governor is doubly distasteful
to Smith since an encounter with the
former auditor which netted the state
about $30,000. The payment of $30,000
hurt some, but Smith's friends claim
what most deeply wounded his feel
ings is that other lumber barons who
might have been mulcted on the same
grounds got off without paying a cent
arid without annoyance. Regardless
of how much truth there may be in
the charge of favoritism, Smith does
not like Dunn and might carry that
dislike to the point of becoming a can
didate if by so doing he believed he
could break up a combination favor
able to the Princeton man.
Col. Everett, of the Fairmont News,
is out to support Frank Eddy for gov
ernor. The colonel admits that he
does not enjoy a personal acquaint
ance with the handsome gentleman
from the Seventh district, but thinks
Eddy the logical candidate. The
"From various quarters of the state
comes the .whisper ,-♦ that ex-Congress
man Eddy Will be a candidate for gov
ernor before the next - state convention.
We have not had the pleasure of a
personal acquaintance with him,' but
,are>, inclined, to think that he. is the
logical L candidate - for that honor. Trot
out Eddy." ,'- . '
The Redwood Reveille, throws cold
water on the scheme to pit Michael J.
: Dowling against Congressman Vol
stead for the Seventh district nomina
tion next year. The Reveille man
thinks Volstead will do very well and
that a change is unnecessary. .
It ¥■'■ ":'"■'•/■'■ George A. Van Smith.
_ m —
POEMS WORTH WHILE.
Z, THE DEAF AND BLIND.
A boor who never saw but with his eyes,
. ' Whose dull ears told him all he ever
i heard, . . •'■' '-
'■ Proved without doubt that "Soul was
but a word ■*--.-!
Without a meaning; and that "Para
—"Heaven"— these were nothing
. more than lies;
That "Immortality" was quite absurd,
'. . "Created" a misprint—please read "oc
\ He proved all this, for he was very wise.
7 And not one flaw showed in his argu
■. i.v- ments;
! His word has stood the test of many
; And it will stand the tests of centuries;
Yet each true heart knows with a faith
intense - ■ .'.'-..•.
'Tis true for those who hear but with
1 : their ears ; . ..r:
Only for those who see but with theii
SMILES WILL COST YOU NOTHING.
Oh, let's put away the worry and the
•>. heartaches for awhile.
And look upon the sunny side of life,
And meet each rugged obstacle with just
a pleasant smile.
And forget about the .troubles and the
j • strife.
Let's be glad and we'll be happy, and the
. cares will fly away.
And we'll only see unclouded skies of
V ■ blue. :•- --■■ * ' ■■ -. .- "-
For, remember, that a smile* is worth :
'*-t. - heartache any day.
And glad smiles cost you nothing—
• •'.» .heartaches do.
Don't be grieving over errors that have
been_made in the past.
But resolutely face the glad today;
We will meet with some discomforts, but
these trials seldom last
If wo smile the doubts and borrowed
Let's go singing- on life's journey with i
heart that's glad and light.
Filling other lives with joy and sun
And remember that a smile is worth r
heartache any day.
And glad smiles cost you nothing—
—E. A. Brininstooi in Los Angeles Record.
(A fond mother and admiring wife sends
the following lines to The Globe with
the explanation that they were written
by "Baby Dor's" papa while he was trav
eling on a 'way freight and wishing he
was at home in St. Paul."—Kd.)
Mama's hope and papa's joy.
Always wanting a new toy.
"I WYe mama, papa. too.
I don't want no mama new.
I want that one, mama, who
Loves Baby Dor.
Who climbs upon her papa's knee?
Baby Dor. ..-..:.
Who keeps him busy as a bee?
: , Baby Dor.
Who sets his match-safe, knife and lovtj
And watch her ladyship to please
And from his head his hat will seize?
Baby Dor. .
Who is worth her weight in gold?
Baby Dor. ..
More than boundless wealth untold
Baby Dor. *
Tho' she Is a constant care
Grin and boar ' It, no not swear—-
Visions of an empty chair,
ffThe Modern Fable of the Thoughtful Wife Who
Tried to Give Henry a Restful Vacation. E
Copyright, 1903. by Robert Howard Russell
Once there was a great big Burly,
who had a Wife about the size of a
Grasshopper. Usually she wore a gray
Tailor-Made that looked as if it would
have to be let out If she gained anoth
Any one, to look at Gessaline, would
have said that she was rather frail
and Weakly, while the he-end of the
Sketch looked husky enough to pull a
Dray. It often happens that the heavy
draft Bachelor picks out a Midge and
makes love to her and she Is so scared
at the size of him that she hasn't got
the Nerve to throw him down.
At any rate, the cute and dainty lit
tle Jessaline with a Waist Measure
ment of 11 inches was all hooked up
- . -_. ■ «»~. -'
"Ain't this grand?" asked Jessaline.
with the human Mastodon who went
by the name of Henry and looked the
Now it happened that Hen and Jess
lived in a nice little Town, where there
were a great many lonely Old Families
and a great deal of Wealth, but it was
pervaded at all Hours by a Cemetery
Calm. The Social Gayeties of the
Place revolved slowly around a Mis
sionary Society. Any one desiring to
mix a Cocktail had to pull down all the
Blinds and disconnect the Telephone
and also it was advisable to wear
Masks* at a Poker Party.
Jessaline would, often become restless
and champ at the Bit. She had at
tended a Select School for Girts, at
which she had learned how to turn
Handsprings and do other Parlor Di
does. No wonder that she hated to
play Dominoes all Evening and then
turn out the Lights at 9:30 p. m.,
which, in Keen Society is .the mere
Edge of the Night.
Now it chanced that Jessaline had a
Chum. They had eaten Olives out oi'
the same Bottle while attending 1 the
Select School for Girls. Chum had
gone against the Matrimonial Game,
the same as Jessaline, only, instead of
landing in Sleepy Hollow, she was up
in the City, taking in the Big Show.
She wrote to Jessaline, urging her to
come up and put In a busy Week.
After working on the Handwriting for
several Days, Jessaline succeeded in
reading the whole Letter and she be
gan to tease Henry to knock off for a
Week and take her up to the hoop-la
Metropolis and let her burn a few
Holes in the Track. She told Henry
that he had been sticking to his Desk
too closely and that he needed a good
Large Bodies move slowly and sev
eral Days elapsed before Henry came
They Watched the Scenery Spin By.
to her Way of Thinking 1, although It
was a Pipe, from the beginning that
she would bring him around.
Jessaline got busy-and put six Wom
en to work building a new Evening
Gown for her. It was a Pale Blue Ce
rise with Battenberg Insertion, yoked
with Mayonnaise and Valenciennes,
the Flounces being gathered in with
Passamenterie and the Bodice hand
painted. When Henry got a Flash at
the BIU he allowed that instead of
taking a Vacation, it would be better
for him to stay at Home and work
about twice as hard. But winsome
At> the Hotels
"Twenty years ago the fifteenth of
this month I was In St. Paul and I have
not been here In all the intervening time,"
satd E. P. Claire, of Keokuk. lowa, at
the Ryan last night. "I most surely do
see a great big, marvelous change in
the place—l had heard and read quite a
little about the Twin Cities of the north,
but I had no idea that St. Paul could
ever amount to anything like It has.
When I waa here the place where that
large store (Mannheimer'a) is standing
was quite marshy, what wo call in the
country swaley." I stopped at the Saint
James hotel, and I remember that the
night I was there the liight clerk skipped
out with the contents of the cash drawer.
Yes, yes, a wonderful change—a tre
mendous change In the place." , '
"Saw rather a funny thing today while
coming from Minneapolis on a car," said
the clerk at the Windsor last night. "A
very swell young woman was sitting op
posite me-and beside me sat, as I thought,
Wifey had everything packed, so she
took him in Tow and they boarded the
"Ain't this Grand?" asked Jessaline.
as they sat in the palatial Parlor Car
and watched the Scenery spin by.
"We have a whole Week in which to
rest up and nobody to keep Tab on
what we do and then report us to the
Methodist Minister. I'm sure that you
will like Clara. She is a Holy Terror.
She was engaged nineteen times be
fore she finally hooked up, and since
she g-ot Married People come for miles
to get her to act as Chaperon."
"What is the Programme?" asked
Henry, who was a mite Leary.
"There'll be something doing every
Minute, all right, all right," said the
Child-Wife. "Ask no Questions, but
follow little Bright Eyes. I haven't
had a touch of Real Life since I
crawled down the Lightning Rod at
the Select School for Girls."
At that time Henry did not realize
that a bright young Thing with a
Boarding School Education can give
the stalwart Business Man any kind
of a Handicap and then leave him
somewhere back of the Flag.
Clara met them at the Train with a
Buzz-Wagon. She had framed up a
List of Engagements that made the
Roosevelt Itinerary look like Open
Time. Clara had arranged to give
them a little of Everything, except
Sleep. Jessaline was tickled nearly to
Death. She was waltzing all over the
Track, waiting for the word "Go!"
The Getaway was a dinner of seven
teen Courses, at which Jessaline
tackled everything without losing any
part of the Conversation. After that
they went to the Opera, which was a
little too high for Henry, but Jessaline
threw a Conniption Fit every time
Signor Dagolini climbed up and hit a
Top Note. They went back to the
Apartment and ate Stuff* out of a
Chafing-Dish until 3 g. m. When they
turned in, Henry was on the point of
Passing Away, but Jessaline was just
beginning to warm up and be kitten
"We shall have Oodles of Fun to
morrow," she said. '"First we have a
Breakfast at the French Restaurant,
then a Swell Luncheon at the Club,
then a Musicale. then a Dinner at the
biggest Hotel on Earth and then a
Show and then we are all going out
"I drop out," said Henry. "One day
has put me to the bad."
"Don't be a Quitter," said Jessaline.
/ >2 li^JT^
I >^^ ft ' ' iflSafrßfßSSy i S I!■
miw^ ftj^ ■■■iiiim ' j|Rg
"Send for a trained nurse," said the
"Stick to me and I'll give you the Time
of your Life."
Next day she took mm over to Jumps
and he followed with his Tongue hang
ing out. He did not like to admit that
he could not keep up with a 90-pound
Canary who was somewhat of an in
valid. But when he sat and watched
her eating her fourth Hearty Meal and
chatting gaily, he tried to figure out
how any one with a Waist Measure
ment of 11 inches could manage it, but
the Problem was too much for him.
Tiie third day of Rest included the
usual number of Eats and wound up
with one of those Dancing Parties that
last until the Germans become peevish
and refuse to play any more. Henry
was off in a Corner eatirfg Soda Mint
Tablets and holding on to a Chair to
keep from falling off. Jessaline was
right out in the center of the Mix-Up,
looking as fresh as a Dollar Bunch of
Russian Violets. After every Dance
she would tear out and get a few
Glasses of Knock-Out Punch and eat a
couple of Sandwiches, after which she
would be ready to do some more two
stepping. When the Orchestra finally
struck and she had to pull out. she
found Henry in a Comatose Condition
leaning- against the Hat-Rack. She
aroused him and told him the Glad
News that they were to get an Early
Start and go out to a nice Road House
and have something to Eat. Where
upon Henry fell into a Heap and asked
to be counted out.
All the way Home in the Carriage
she toasted him and charged him with
a lack of Appreciation.
"You act like a Dummy," said the
indignant Jessaline. 'Why don't you
cut in and have a Good Time, the same
as I do? I dont want-People to think
that I married a Rube."
"I can lift 1,200 pounds in Harness
and I can play 72 Holes of Golf without
turning a Hair," said the fallen Giant,
"but when It comes to eating little
Birds and taking a new kind of Salad
every twenty minutes and holding ani
mated Conversation with Perfect
Strangers, I am not in your Class Send
for a Trained Nurse. In a Week or so
I shall be able to Travel and get back
to Hard Work and rest up. In the
meantime, go it alone."
So Jessaline put the Weakling on
the Shelf and went out and had a
MORAL: Capacity cannot be deter
mined by any Outside Measurements.
and still think was a professor of some
thing from the state university, judging
by the quizzical appearance of the man.
"I took no notice of the fact that the
young female wad toting a book until
the old geyser leaned over and said to
her: 'Pardon me. but I cannot refrain
from asking you if you are in the con
stant habit of reading such works as
you have there?' She blushed very becom
ingly and then said: 'Oh, I didn't look
to see what it was when I chose it at the
M^Sr y~at ,'? !t anyway?—why it's
GJbb's Antiquities! I picKed it out be
cause it matched my gown as well.'"
Those at the Ryan last night were: J.
J. McCarthy. Dubuque. Iowa; C. IP
Walker. Winnipeg; William Billstoin.
West Superior. Wis.; A. C. Goodrich.
Keokuk, Iowa; William N. Silver. Duluth-
Harry Wrtght, Nelson. «. C.; Miss Chris
topher. Seattle; James S. Boynton. Pre
toria. South Africa.; Mrs. W. J. Olcott
Duluth; L. W. Powell and wife. Puluth;
W. J. Miller and wife. Wlnona; R S Colo
and wife, Duluth.
At the Windsor: W. O. Rill. Keokuk,
Iowa; M. C. Goodrich, Keokuk; Frank M.
Eddy, Glenwood. Minn.; A. Wood Manis
tee. Mich.; G. H. Compton. Fargo, N. D.;
Miss Ida Schenck, Spokane. Wash.; Rich
ard Smith. Spolfane; John G. Steiner Al
bert Lea. Minn.; Mrs. William Clark," Red