Newspaper Page Text
Cruelty to Vacationist.
That's what I call mean."
"I sent Brown a card from our Bum
mer cottage, and to make him jealous
I wrote on It that I was having fresh
Bah for dinner every day."
"He sent me one right back saying
that after receiving my card he went
Into a barber shop for a shave, ate a
porterhouse steak for dinner, and be
fore retiring took a nice cold bath in
s, porcelain tub, then mentioned Inci
dentally that there were no flies in
bis bedroom, either."
wOOCoooooocD,-Doo(:ooaxx5t BELIEVED GABRIEL HAD COME SHOWS WEAKNESS OF MAN
jjjj Albert Payson Terhune
Kentucky Colonel Tells of an Incident
That Occurred When Balloon
ing Was a Craze.
Helplessness of Four Who Were Lost
for Five Days In an Hawaiian
A number of gentlemen drifted Man that is born of woman is
together in the smoking room of a , small potatoes, and few in a hill ; as
"Washington (D. C.) hotel and got t the modern Job has written some'
"Here Is a country newspaper which
contains the account of a rural dance,
but, strange to say, the editor does
not refer to the crowd os 'tripping the
Bght fantastic.' "
"Perhaps they don't."
"How is that?"
"Oh, rustic folk are much enlight
ened these days. Perhaps they did
Che 'turkey trot' and the 'grlzzsly
Th fnu PabUahlug Co. (Th Haw Tor World)
Erie the Red, the Scoundrel Who
Mav Have Caused America's
A NORSE pi
of hair and
a murder that led
indirectly to Amer
Here is the story:
Eric the Red
nktt a Viking; &R'C THE R&D
chief of a band of sea robbers and all
around ruffians, whom he held In
chetk by a brutality even greater than
thelj' own. He was born In Norway
about 950 A. D., and was the son of a
Jail, or Earl. In the Intervals between
hi voyages of2 piracy he huled a
group of barren farms and fed at his
table a throng of hard drinking, loud
voiced Vikings who had sworn al
legiance to him.
Laws were few In that land, and age
of violence. Human life was cheap.
Yet Kric committed a murder so re
volting as to shock even the hardened
Norsemen. To save his own life he
was forced to flee from the country.
With his followers he sailed to Ice
land. There he established a new
home. But his stay was brief. His
loodthirsty yearnings would not con
to talking aviation.
"Every time I hear flying men
tioned," said a white-haired Ken
tucky colonel, "I think of Uncle
Josh, an old colored man, who lived
in my state, and who owned a little
stump patch which he called a farm.
"Ballooning was then a great
craze, and a daring aeronaut at
tempted to take the all-air route
from Cincinnati to Louisville. Some
thing went wrong on the way, and
he came down in Uncle Josh's stump
"Uncle Josh, who had never seen
a balloon, nor even heard of one, was
engaged in tickling with a single
shovel plow the earth about the hills
of corn wedged in among the
stumps. When the old mule hitched
to the plow saw the balloon it got in
a big hurry for the first time in its
life; in fact, it ran away and tore
up the plow.
"The balloon struck about fifty
yards away and a being strangely
garbed disengaged himself from the
"At the same time Uncle Josh's
knees smote together and then col
lapsed. He was so scared he couldn't
: walk, so he pulled off his hat and
started crawling to meet the stran
' ger. The aeronaut was surprised at
first, but he understood the cause cf
the worshipful approach when Uncle
where. When man is divorced from
the inventions he has forged to con
ceal or to eke out his weakness, the
pessimistic statement seem true.
The other day a party of four per
sons was lost for five day3 in the
mountains of one of the Ilawaiian
Think for a moment what this
means. The largest island of that
group is not half so large as a New
Mexico county. It contains a large
population. The barren portions of
it comprise considerably less than
half its area.
Set it down where man has been
working for a generation or two, and
a presidential candidate could hard
Iv tret his throat rested for a good
speech while crossing it.
But, brought to close grips, with
no inventions to aid tnem, lour
hoalthv and intelligent persons wan
dered around in this tinv space for
five days, and nearly starved.
Probably they were city men, un
accustomed to depending on their
lers. or to usim their eves on nat
ural things. But even so. what a
seeming impossibility it is that cren
tures so wretchedly endowed have
mastered the earth, the waters, and
very largely the air.
DOWNFALL DUE TO SAUSAGE
OFFICIAL JAPANESE PILOT.
Capt. Arthur Fisher, for twenty;
years at the head of the Japanese
pilots, is a Nantucket man, who has
followed the sea from the age of five
years, having that early in life be
gun voyaging with his father, a suc
cessful commander of half a century
ago. Captain Fisher has many times
circled the globe, and has sailetl
many vessels. His present position
is a paying one, though with many
cares and heavy responsibilities.
During his career as a pilot he has
taken hundreds of 6hip9 in safety
through the treacherous Japanese
waters. His home is at Kobe.
"Peggy's In a terrible fix."
WhafB the trouble?"
"She's just counted up and found
She refused a dozen offers of mar
riage, and now though she's crazy to
tuarry Dick, she's afraid to accept
him because he's the thirteenth."
form to any law, and In 984 he fled
once more for his life, after a second J0sh greeted him
'How yo all do, Marse Gabriel ?
The Judicial Mind.
1 think my husband must have
"Whenever I catch him doing any
thing be ought not to he Is ready to
spring a precedent on me by Insisting
that some other man whom I have re
spected has done the same thing."
SAFE AND 8ANB SYMPATHY.
"X make It a practice never to kick
a man when he is down."
"Then you are for the under dog?"
"Tea if I can be for him from
aorosa the street"
Tl now the summer bachelor
Piles dishes mountains high.
And sighs the. while he looks at theml
Til wash them by and by."
Or Rah-rah Socks.
"How are we to get the plain people
this year? AH the candidates are
"Our side has its plans mapped out,
We're going to tell 'eta that our man
never wore a clamshell cap when he
Vent to college."
"Will you have a biplane or a mono
plane?" asked the salesman.
"What's the difference?"
"With a monoplane I believe you hit
the earth a little ouloker when the
Growing Dearer Dally.
"He savs he loves his wife better
"And I believe him. That woman
has received three inheritances slnoo
be marrlod her."
"My easy chuir alwuys puts me to
mind of a mountain gorge."
"I suiipoBo because a elepy hollo
taturally recalls a yawning cbtuw."
Homeless, an outlaw, a price on his
head, Eric the Red sought for bead
quarters far enough from civilization
to make a safe abiding place for him.
He and his men scoured the northern
seas In their serpent-prowed galleys,
until at last, after doubling Cape Fare
well, they caie upon a vast tract of
ground covered with high green grass,
on which thousands of reindeer were
feeding. Here Eric landed and found
ed a city. He named the country
Greenland." Rumors of its where
abouts had come to him from another
Nor was Greenland the only strange
country of which wandering Vikings
had told Eric. These sea robbers
In their restless Journeys in search of
plunder were often swept out of all
known routes by storms. More than
one survivor of such voyages bad
spoken of having sighted a great land
far to the westward.
Eric was uncertain how long Green
land might prove a safe asylum for
him, and he was ever eager to find
new haunts for loot and pillage. So
he decided to explore this strange
westward country and establish a col
ony there. In the year 1000 A. D., or
thereabouts, he bade his son Lief to
jola In the expedition.
Lief was wellnlgh as fiery and brutal
as his father, but he had many finer
Qualities as well. He was high in the
service of King Olaf of Norway and
was known as "The King's Guards-
nan." His constant good fortune had
also won for him the nickname of
"Lief the Lucky." Like the rest of
King Olafs court, he had embraced
Christianity, forswearing the heathen
Norse gods and forcing his followers
to do the same. Eric was furious at
his son's conversion. A fierce quar
rel arose between the two, hut their
differences were at last patched up
and they made ready for their Joint
voyage of discovery.
As the Vikings hastened down to the
waiting ships Eric rode at their head.
His horse, according to the story,
stumbled and threw him just as they
reached the water's edge. To Eric's
superstitious mind this seemed an1
omen of disaster. He refused to go
on the expedition and sent Lief as Its
commander. This filled the Vikings
with joy, for they hated Eric and loved
his gallant son.
After a long sail westward Lief
came to a gloomy, cloud-wrapped coun
try (probably . Newfoundland) and
sailed southward, looking for less for
bidding shores. He found them. He
is supposed to have landed somewhere
along the southeastern New England
coast The place seemed a paradise
to these men from the bleak north.
The soil was rich and verdant Wild
grapes grew everywhere. Lief, be
cause of the multitude of grapes, call
ed the country "Vlnland," or "Wine-
Here he is supposed to have found'
ed a colony
discovery. 0.l"?r NorBs crUittas are
r-t-lU-v-'il to li.u "oMot.'d fciii ro Ne
.u:'i;, brt t'l -lr face tai I'-sir very
exigence lf shrouded in duul U
How yo' lef yoah folks?'
BEAUTY OF BABBLING BROOK
Every Farm Should Have One
These Pretty Streams Running
Through Its Meadows.
THE NEW SPORT.
"There here New Yorkers is
bound to have their sports, I see,"
said Uncle Silas.
"In what way?" asked the board
"Why," said Uncle Silas, "senca
they give up boss rac-in' they've gone
in heavy fer the turkey trot. Don t
seem to mc's if tb.ct could be very
excitin'." Harper's Wot klv.
SENSITIVE ON THE SUBJECT.
"For mercv sake, don't ask Mrs.
Joggins to join a shut-in society !"
"Iler husband's doing time."
I have found it at last the thing
I have been dreaming about during
all these years of city bondage; the
thing that opens up vistas of bucolic
beauty and benediction; a rift of
blue sky through the smudge and
smoke of the strenuous strife I And
it has everything on it, except the
brook murmuring lazily through the
meadows and kicking up its silver
heels over pebbled pathways. But
you can't have everything on a small
farm that someone else laid out in
the days when city dwellers were not
looking for babbling brooks. If I
had had the parcelling out of farms.
I would have put a "laughing brook
somewhere on each one, for the pink
footed ducks to frolic in and snap
their long bills over juicy bugs and
worms. Perhaps the great and good
Husbandman did not have enough
brooks to go 'round, and I must
worry along without a brook. Per
haps I will make one some of these
days. In the meantime, I advise all
my neighbors who have babbling
brooks to take them in at night.
Treeman A. De Wesse in Suburban
Policeman of Hamburg Stole Savory
Bit and Was Arrested by Stern
The best hamburg does not come
from Hamburg, but just the same in
Hamburg the butchers have very
good sausage. The other day a po
liceman was patrolling his heat in
that German city when his nostrils
were filled with the most tempting
of odor3, newly prepared sausage
fresh from the mangle and only
lately come from the oven. The
sausage lay in the open window of
a delicatessen shop, and the window,
the shop, in fact the whole neighbor
hood was redolent. Now the police
discipline in Hamburg is strict, but
this policeman was hungry. He was
moreover an economical man and a
person of resource. "Why buy sau
sage when one can have it for notlv
ing?" he asked himself, and, draw
ing his sword, he thrust it through
the window, and neatly impaled the
morsel on the point.
He was about to devour his spoil
when a civilian, who had 6een the
theft, came up and told him sharplv
to follow him to the police station.
The man was so taken aback that he
forgot he was a policeman and made
no attempt to resist. He implored
the amateur to forgive him and not
to cause his arrest, but entreaties
were useless, and, as if mesmerized,
he meekly followed his captor to the
station, where he was duly accused
of his larceny and is now awaiting
"Do you believe Shakespeare wrote
his own plays?"
"What's the odds? If he didn't,
ho wrote somebody else's."
Guest Would you give me an in-!
finitesimal portion of wine?
Host (dubiously) I m afraid we
haven't that much in the house.
"There is absolutely no use to talk
to me about woman suffrage."
'Eeallv, old man, I cannot under
stand why you oppose it so strongly."
"Well, I'll tell you. I was in a
clothing store last week looking at
some neckties when a woman cama
in and told one of tho clerks she
wanted to buy a collar for her dog."
MIGHT DO WORSE.
"You are always giving advice,"
said the impatient person."
Well," replied the sentient friend,
'you ought to be thankful that I
give you the results of my experience
instead of asking you to listen to tha
entire hard luck story." Washing
Ruyters Kramp What are your
objections to my poetry?
Magazine Editor Well, for one
is supposea w ieu- j tw R on comiaj? Fix that
j in live uvko. wi . ,
the news o his vondorful fcr me and 1 11 wiuve tho other rca
A HARD ONE.
-. ill..;; fe,.fr.-.
..' for rliii
..is' p ..'n'. mv
"Don't you think Jim's profile is;
somewhat on a prowitlwms order?".
"Well, you kuw, I did beg him to
act a doctor about. it.
Howell It costs a good deal more
to live than it used to.
Powell Well, it's worth the dif
ference. New York Press.
ne was fresh from the 6hort grass
and his first visit to a museum of
art was proving decidedly interest
ing. After taking in the classical sec
tion, he met a habitue of the gallery
and in his breezy western way, broke
"They've got some pretty fine pic
tures here, he began.
"Yes," replied the other, "some of
the pieces are very valuable.
"But say, said the newcomer.
"They've got some rocky ones in the
medical department, am t they?"
Have Faith In the People.
Let us believe in the great mass of
the people not because they are In
tellectually clever, not because they
are independent thinkers, but because
in the losg run the safest and sanest
safeguards of national character are
to be found not In the mental attitude
of the few, but In the sound, sane feel
ing lajd down In the fundamental
.character of the great mass of the
satloa. Prof. George Is. Vincent
SPOILING THE POINT.
"Jack says my eyes would inspira
a man to dare and do anything."
"Did he? But, you know, this ifl
the 6illy season."
"The British sutrragettes have de
clared open war."
"Is that why they are breaking
"The real facta in the case leaked.
"Of course. Smith's aoccrant
wouldn't hold water."
SOME LADY KILLER.
"There goes ono of
lady killers in town.'
"That homely lnau !"
"Yes, he's a LuVoj' specialist.'
"Trouble never comes single.'
"It doa't in our family. Last
year I had double pneumonia, and
lua year we had twins.
"nave thev i
house you lool.t
"I should jr, J
way every plaut
"Tolly was :
for a cashier'
"What was ' .
i'-ig vai.er ia the
!" V.d ir.un the