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title: 'The Kansas City sun. (Kansas City, Mo.) 1908-1924, February 21, 1914, Image 7',
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THEIR BEST PEOPLE
By LAWRENCE DEVINE.
Llnfleld meant to buy the old house
In that remote Mississippi county. He
held the option, and Colonel Jarrott
had courteously left him In charge for
two weeks while ho went to Now Or
leans to sell his tobacco. LlnQeld was
tired of olty life; ho wanted a good
soil for tho crops 'ho intended to
plant, with hunting for his leisure
hours, and enough atmosphere to make
his next novel readable. Besides, hie
people, came from the south.
Then there was the girl a shy, won
dering girl of about twenty years, who
toolc her hounds out walking every
day past LInfleld's gate. Llnfleld had
been set upon onco by Tiger, and tho
girl's apologies opened tho way for
an Introduction. Llnfleld learned that
her name was Mary Gates, and that
her father, the major, nnd three broth
ers, lived in the big house a mile away,
among the cotton-pickers' cabins.
Onco, whllo they were talking, one
of the brothers rode by, and at the
sight of him tho girl turned Bwlftly
aside, as though she had not spoken
to Llnfleld; yet, as tho man rode by
JUntlelU could see that be half checked
his horse, with a frown on his face.
After that the girl only offered tho
"Our beet people, tho Gates," said
tho only other neighbor that TLlntleld
had the man who brought the milk
and provisions from the town, four
miles away. "Real southern gentry,
"Those brothers don't seem remark'
ably friendly," said tho writer.
"Friendly!" echoed the other. "They
haven't any friendship for strangers,
Why, only last year there was a fellow
lawn here from Nashville, staying
with Colonel Jarrott. Miss Mary used
to go post his gate, and a sort of fllrta
tlon sprang up. She got talked about
you know country ways. Tho broth'
ers came down with guns to shoot
him Up, but ho got over the back fence
a minute too quick for 'em. Jarrett
and Gates haven't spoken since."
Evidently the Gateses were danger
ous neighbors. Llnfleld was conscious
of an increasing interest In Miss
Mary. She was a type he had never
met before, a primitive survival' In
these wilds. Next time ehe passed he
drew her into conversation. In the
midst of it hoofs were heard, and In-
stlnctlvely the girl darted into the
shelter of a high privet hedge, leaving
Llnfleld staring foolishly Into the face
of the rider as he came past.
Stolen interviews are proverbially
sweet, and not many days had passed
before both were conscious of their
dawning love. But when Llnfleld hint
ed at an invitation to the house Mary
showed every sign of terror.
"I had a friend last year," she said
"What Do You Think of This, Mary7
tremulously. "He was only a friend
he lived here and Jim and Bob
threatened to shoot him. Some busy
body eaw us talking. Colonel Jarrett
and father haven't spoken Blnce. You
see, we are very formal In this dis
trict If only we were friendly with
the colonel, and he could introduce
The thud of fists against his door
startled Llnfleld out of his sleep. He
struck a match and lit his oil lamp.
The blows were redoubled. Outside
were threatening voices.
Llnfleld opened the door. A ruBh of
men bore him to the ground. In a trice
he was bound, limp and helpless, and
staring up into the faces of the Gates
"Get his clothes on, Bob," said one
Ten minutes later, having been un
bound and dressed, Llnfleld was con
. ducted at pistol point Into the road,
where, fastened to a horse's bridle, he
was made to og over 'the rits and
stones until tho Gatea house 'was
reached. Tho captors led him into the
There stood Mary and an old man
with a long beard, whom Llnfleld
guessed to be her father. And a little
apart, with downcast eyes and clasped
hands, stood a man In clerical cos
tume. "We've got him, dad," said one of
The old man turned to Llnfleld, and
his hands shook with passion as he
"We've caught you this, time, you
.Internal nr-nunrlrAl " ha
J-inougm you a eiuaea us last year,
didn't youT In these parts, when a
man gets a woman laiKea about
"Father," cried Mary In agonized
tones, "I teiryou this isn't "
"Silence!" ' roared the old man.
"When he gets her talked about he
dies like the dog he Is or "
"Marries her!" yelled tho young
men In chorus.
"Make your choice and make It
lulck!" said Major Gates.
Llnfleld lifted his eyes toward the
blushing girl. It they had said hell or
.heaven he would have felt much as hj
did then. "I'll marry her," he' said.
"Parson, you may proceed," Bald the
inajor to the clergyman.
Five minutes later he gripped LIn
fleld's hand between his own.
'My boy," he .said, "family relation
ships are hard things to come by some
times, but, once made, wo hold to
them In this part of tho country."
Thero wero tears In his oyes as ho
clasped his daughter in his arms.
'What do you think of this, Mary?"
asked her husband, reading the above.
"I think It's tho stupidest story I've
over read,' answered LInfleld's wife.
And you'vo actually used our names."
"I have to, dear, according to the
rules of the competition," replied her
"Competition, my dear?"
"Yes. Tho 'Ladles' Fireside Com
panion' Is offering 20 prizes of a thou
sand dollars apiece, you know, for tho
best description of 'How I Met My
Wife.' Don't you think this ought to
have a chanco?"
"Well," said his wife thoughtfully,
"It's got sentiment, and It's got atmos
phere. But don't you think It is a lit
"Not so. Improbable as the truth,"
answered Llnfleld. "Fancy, in-a whole
world full of people, that I Bhould ac
tually have met you that unforgettable
morning In the eubway."
"I'm afraid wo .weren't Introduced
properly, dear," his Wife answered.
"Well, you see, you didn't happen to
have any brothers," 6ald her husband,
(Copyright, 1914, by W. Q. Chapman.)
NERVES ALWAYS SUFFER
No Matter What the Bodily Affliction,
They Are Bound 'to Be Involved
In the Trouble.
Almost every little or great ali
ment throughout your system affects
your nerves, says, a writer In the New
York American. Your eyes and liver
and lungs and stomach and heart and
many other things throughout your
system nil "take It out" on the poor
nervos If they happen to bo a bit
out of order themselves.
Recent discoveries show that 90
per cent, of nervous troubles are due
to other disorders. Eye strain Is one
cause. Not only those who have to
use their eyes constantly, like stu
dents and lapidaries and miniature ar
tists and engravers, but city folks who
live and work where their vision Is re
stricted, are all sufferers from nerv
ous troubles, more or less.
The eye wants to get exercise as
well as muscles. Living In narrow
streets and gazing out across little al
loys against brick walls, rushing Into
narrow cars and hurrying Into small
rooms, all keep the vision down to
narrow limits and pretty ' soon eyo
strain sets in and this brings on nerv
And one of the peculiarities of this
is that many people will not notice
that they have eye strain because
the nervous disorders that result will
be so much worso than the cause.
Eye strain Is much less common in
Working in a stooping position,
curving the spine, brings pressure on
the tiny blood vessels, and this in
turn acts on the nerves. ,
- "I get so nervous sitting still," one
will say. As a'matter of fact, tho con-
tinual pressure on the spine reacts on
the nerves. As Sedentary occupations
are more common to tho cities there
is more nervousness from this causa
Liver troubles bring on quick nerv
ous disorders; city noises in time af
fect the ears and the nerves are again
In for a siege of trouble. Not even
at night or during Bleep Is there com
plete quiet in the city. Women be
come irritable because of excessive
blood pressure, and again It is their
nerves that suffer also every one
else about them Is apt to suffer.
Valuable Antiquarian Find.
An antiquarian And has. recontly
been made In the Isle of Oxna, a
barren, sea-vexed spot near Scallo
way, Shetland. It Is one of the most
ancient and interesting gold orna
ments ever found In Scotland. A
crofter's son observed a brownish
yellow object protruding from a spot
where turf had been taken for farm
purposes. He picked it up and found
it was a heavy, curiously-plaited brace
let of rustic or rude make, and, from
Its weight, seemingly gold. Recently
it was shown the schoolmistress of a
neighboring district. She wrote the
antiquarian society describing tho
bracelet and suggesting purchase. An
offer of 100 was made, and at once,
without further Inquiry or advertise
ment accepted by the holder, James
Ful'aton, Hamno Voe", Burra Isle. The
bracelet now rests In special case and
on special pedestal in Edinburgh
Father Had a Very Good Excuse.
A little girl from out of town was
vlsit)ng a little Jamestown miss, the
Optimist says, and the visitor noticed
that no one asked divine blessing be
fore the meal was served. "My papa
always asks the blessing before we
eat," eaid the little visitor to her
chum. "That's all right," quickly re'
plied the little hostess, who was eager
to defend her papa, "and my papa
would, too, but he doesn't know any."
Kansas City Star.
Can You Find the Answer?
A' farmer asked a blacksmith what
he would charge' to Join five pieces of
chain of three links each, The black
smith answered, "A cent a cut, and
a cent a weld." "Let me see," said the
farmer, "that would be eight cents."
"No, six," replied the blacksmith, It
took the customer a long time to see
how the two extra centB could be
saved. Youth's Companion.
A Common Quest;
"I say, my friend," called the mo
torist to the farmer, as 'he drew up
alongside of the field, "I'm looking for
a decentroad to take mo to Squlggles
vllle." "I'm domed glad to hear It," replied
tho farmer, "Ef ye happen to find it,
stranger, send .me a tellygram, will
Conceit loses a man more friends
and gains him more enemies than any
other foible, perhaps vce, In the
world. It makes blm harsh to his, In
feriors and disrespectful to his bet-tern.
OMEN have done much at
Alexandria, Va., to pre
serve the relics of the
days of George Washing
ton. It is not tho capital
of the nation, despite Its
name, that Is richest In
intimate a s s o c 1 a Hons
with the life of the first
president, but Alexan
dria, which stands mid
way between Mount Ver
non nnd tho. city of Wash
ington. Alexandria played no small part in
the formative years of Washington's
youth and early manhood. A repre
sentative Virginia town, It stood then
and for generations later for all that
was beat of colonial standards. Its peo
ple had much to do with the molding
of Washington's character, and Wash
ington richly repaid Alexandria, or
Belle Haven as it was first called, by
his never failing concern for Its .wel
fare and advancement.
Probably no surviving structure In
Alexandria harbored Washington with
in its hospitable walls more frequently
than the old Carlyle bouse, and cer
tainly none was more directly associ
ated with the foundation of the mili
tary side of his life. Strango as It
may seem, for many years this his
torical landmark has been hidden away
behind the' battered front of Alexan
dria's once noted hotel, the Braddock
bouse, occupying one corner of the in
ner courtyard, Bhut away from the pub
lic gaze and denied the outlook of the
broad approach which it once enjoyed
In the days of its well nigh baronial
importance. Until a few years ago
the Carlyle house was largely used as
a storage place by a local dealer in
colonial antiques, but a few patriotic
Virginia women saved the building
from further indignity, though not en
tirely from danger, ob the old furni
ture found a new abiding place within
the still mora inflammable Braddock
In 1732 John S. Carlyle Imported
from the Islo of Wight the .stone of
which the house Is built, and he ab
sorbed for part of the foundation a
portion of an old fort which had been
built many years before for the protec
tion of the English traders at Hunting
Creek, as the place was then known,
against the Indians. The barracks of
that ancient defense became the cellar
of the Carlylo house, and In those
cool, dark, dry retreats were stored in
Washington's day the bulging casks,
cob-webbed bottles, and delicious old
hams for which Virginia has long been
Another part of the old fort forms
the plaza at the rear of the house upon
which the broad central hallway
opens. It was upon tills plaza, in the
far away days, that the Carlyles and
their guests gathered on summer eve
nings to discuss the questions of tho
time or to pass the hours chatting
over a heartsomo glass amid the
soothing smoke of tho fragrant Orono
ko. It was there the young people
watched the moon rise over the rivei
and took their pleasures In the decor
ous manner of thoso days.
Then, the gardens ran down to the
river's bank and overlooked tho docks
at which tho trading craft were moored
trading craft that came from over
HAD THE STAFF GUESSING
New Reporter's Monumental Bluff Al
most Deserved to 'Succeed, But
He Overlooked One Point.
The Newteporter (going to the tele
phone and ostentatiously Btartlng the
machinery) Hello, central! Let mo
have 2745 C, please. (A pause.) You
giddy little thing! No, I said twun-ty-seven.
Twen-ty-sov Hello! Is that
2745 C? Is Mr. Sawgertees Devoy In
the office? Will you tell him that Mr.
BICYCLE NURSE IS LATEST
So Well Drilled Is This Berlin Corps
They Often Beat the Hoipltal
The blcvcle nuran In thn mnst rAont
addition to" the cltv hosnltal rnrnn In
Germany. The Idea originated In
In that city women nnrseo nr rlv.
en bicycles, and now a corps of these
sent to tho scene of any accident at a
the seas to barter the Bilks and riches
of the east and tho tropic abundance
of the West Indies in return for the fa
mous tobacco with which Alexandria's
one big warehouse was filled. That was
a period of bounteous hospitality and
On the right of the broad hallway Is
the large drawing 'room. In Washing
ton's day It was finished in gold and
white, and there on many occasions he
took an active part in ball and fes
tivity and led many a fair Virginian
through the stately stops of the minuet
and the less exacting reel. The hall
way itself, If tradltIon.be correst, is
not without Its sentimental interest,
for it was at the foot of the beautiful
staircase of solid mahogany that
Washington awaited tho coming of the
lovely Sally Fairfax upon a particular
evening andwhlle escorting her into
the ballroom offered her his heart,
which she rejected.
On tho opposite side of this same
hall Is the blue and white room, which
was John Carlyle's particular retreat.
Within that room Washington received
his commission as a member of Gen
eral Braddock's staff in 1755. What
that meant to Washington we can onlv
partly divine, but there .is no doubt of
its significance to un "Si8TSnatIon be-'
cause of what it -taught him of' the
fighting ways of the British soldier.
From the broad portico of Mount,
Vernon Washington saw Braddock ar
rive with his transports nnd his regi
ments of red coated soldiery and pass
onward to Alexandria, nine miles
above, coming with the splendid tradi
tions of the king's troops and with all
the martial fanfare of regulars. As a
leader of the local provincial troops
Washington had won for himself a
creditable renown, but here wero sol
diers supposedly of sterner stuff and
higher military capabilities.
General Braddock promptly accepted
the hospitable Invitation of John Car
lyle and established his headquarters
under the roof of that gracious hqgt,
the little blue and white room becom
ing the council chamber In which were
planned the preparations for that mem
orable but 111 fated campaign against
the Indians. Washington's prevlous ex
perience as a leader of local troops
agalnBt the savages made him wel
come at those conferences and his
keen Judgment and practical advice
earned for him Braddock's admiration
and the invitation to servo upon the
British general's staff. It Is enough
to add that In the trying work that
followed the British records testify
that "the Virginia officers and troops
behaved llkq men and died like sol
diers," and Washington came out of
the strife unscathed and' riper for the
far more serious task Jiat lay ahead
The architectural student will find
much to interest him and to warrant
study in tho Carlyle house. The old
windows, tho doorways, the primitive
cupboards, chairboards, doorsteps, cor
nices, molding, etc., are' exquisite In
taste and rich In qualntnees and ele
gance of detail. There they aro as
they Were In Washington's time, and
in common with the rest of the man
sion are regarded as among the best
specimens of the Bo-called colonial
In February, 1752, a market was in-
Jefferson McAddlster would like to
ByeuK wun mm j yes mat's the name,
(The other reporters listen In awe
The New Reporter 1b this really
Mr. Devoy? My name Is Ah, you
recognize my voice? You perhaps re
member that I Interviewed you yester
day? What's that? Best report? Oh.
thank you! You'ro very kind. I tried
to make it so. Has anything turned
up In regard to that case since noon?
Well, sorry to trouble you. Eh? Din-
moment's notice. With such speed do
they get readv to ntnrt thnt ntt h-
arrive on tho scone before the hos
Many lives have been saved by this
almost instantaneous response to a
hurried call for help. There Is much
that the nurse pan do before tho am
bulance comes, and not. Infrequently
these few moments mean the saving
Each nurse wears a plain dark cos
tume, Thero Is a short, skirt, a sim
ple blouse, with, white turnover linen
stltutcd In Alexandria and the citizens
were Justly proud of their enterprise.
The market place then lay directly In
front of the approach to the Carlyle
house and that samo mart of country
produce was intimately Identified with
Washington's domestic life at Mount
Vernon and was one other means of
displaying his common sense. We of
today know but little of tho hardships
of that colonial period, and feasting
was not always as abundant as the
story book would have it. Rev. Mr.
Weems, that chatty chronicler of the
times, tells us that Alexandria then
boasted more rightly of its beauty than
its means of charming the palate.
"The neighborhood of Belle Haven
was not a desert; on the contrary it
was in many places a garden spot,
abounding with luxuries. But Its In
habitants, the wealthy, were not wise.
By the successful culture of tobacco
they had money. And having filled
their coach houses with gilt carriages
and their dining rooms with gilt glass
es they began to look down upon the
poorer sort and to talk about families.
"Of course it would never do for
such great people to run market carts!
Hence the poor Belle Havenltes,
though embosomed In plenty, were
often In' danger of gnawing1 their nails,
And unless they, could cater a lamb
from some good natured 'cracker' or a
leash of chickens from the Sunday ne
groes were obliged to sit down with
long faces to a half graced dinner of
salt meat and journey cake.
"This was the order of the day, A. D.
'59, when Washington, Just married to
the wealthy young widow Custis, had
settled at Mount Vernon, nine miles
below Belle Haven. The unpleasant
situation of the families at that place
soon reached his ears. To a man of
his character, with too much spirit to
follow a bad example when he had the
power to set a good one and too much
Wit to look for happiness anywhere but
In his own bosom. It could not long be
questionable what part he had to act.
"A market cart was Instantly con
structed, and regularly three times a
week sent off to Belle Haven filled
with nice roasters, kidney covered
Iamb and veal, green geese, fat ducks
nnd gobblers, chickens by the basket,
fresh butter, new laid eggs, vegetables
and fruits of all sorts. Country gen
tlemen dining with their friends In
town very soon remarked the welcome
change In diet. 'Bless us all,' ex
claimed they, 'what's the meaning of
this? You Invited us to family fare,
and here you have given us a lord
mayor's feast.' 'Yes, replied the oth
ers, 'thank God for sending a Colonel
Washington Into our neighborhood.' "
The world is well aware that a
stern kaiser has forbidden his officers
to dance the tango or to go to tango
parties. They say that a young lieu
tenant met a friend In the streets of
Berlin the other day and. embraced
him with fervor.
"I'm dying of loneliness!" said tho
"What!" said the friend, "lonely iu
"Just that," returned the other.
"You can't go to anybody's house any
more. They all dance the tango."
New York Evening Post
ner? You're extremely kind. At Sher
ry's? What? And a bottle? (Surging
interest in the entire staff.) It's aw
fully kind of you. Well, say Tuesday
at eight But really I
City Editor (in his overyday voice)
I have some work here, McAddlster.
when you are quite through talking to
yourself. That telephone has been dis
connected since morning. Puck.
A hobby Is all right, as long as you
don't mUtake It for a principle.
collar, and a dark peaked cap with
a triangle of stiff white linen In front
The nurse carries her small outfit
strapped under the saddle of her b I cy
I say.you with my first husband on
the street yesterday, Mr. Singleton."
"Yes. Mrs. Oftwed."
"By the wny, did he say anything
"Not a word. .Wo were Just having
a pleasant little chat, you know," '
COOKING TERMS MADE PLAIN
With These Thorouahly In Mind th
Housekeeper Will Have Complete
Understanding of Recipes.
Different terms are properly used
for different methods of combining
Ingredients In cooking, bb any one
who has handled a cook book very
much must know. But every one who
has tried to cook does not know just
what theBO various terms signify.
Stirring Is one thing, beating Is an
other, folding and cutting are yet
others that we all know. But what
Stirring Is effected with a circular
motion, widening from the center.
That Is the technical description.
Folding Is tho term applied to the
motion which prevents the air already
Inclosed from escaping and at the
same time mixes the ingredients con
cerned. It is this motion which must
be used when whipped cream, beaten
egg whites and other light and beaten
ingredients are mixed together or
with more solid masses.
Keep the meaning of these terms In
mind when you cook according to a
recipe. Remember that an ordinary
cake you stir and beat. An omelet
you bent and fold, and you do the
same thing to a sponge cake.
Cutting 1b tho lightest sort of mix
ing hardly mixing at nil. Shortening
Is sometimes cut Into flour with a
knife. But the shortening and flour
cannot be mixed completely by cut
ting. IN THE MATTER OF FLOUR
Important Thing to Know, Since So
Much Depends on the Quality
of This Staple.
Perfect flour has a slight yellow
tinge and a faint, pleasant smell, es
pecially after wetting. Dazzling white
ness Indicates bleaching; a gray tinge
or minute black specks, Bhowlng only
under the microscope, grinding from
spoiled grain. Test by gripping a
handful If It remains the shape of
tho hand and shows the lines of the
palm, buy It Gluten la a most desir
able element. Test for It by wetting
a pinch to a stiff dough, and washing
tho starch out of it In cold water. The
greater and tougher the stringy resi
due the greater the gluten content
Wet another pinch very soft, take It
betwixt thumb and 'finger, and try to
spin a thread. If it spins it Is right;
if it does not, but makes only blobs
on the finger tips, there Is likely to
have been corn ground with the wheat
Another test for corn mixture is to
dry a pinch, but not scorch It, and rub
between the Angers. Pure wheat flour
will not feel gritty, but corn; no mat
ter how finely ground, remains a little
Set flour barrels a little above the
floor, and do not use the same one
continuously. Any wooden container
may become a harbor for Insects. A
japanned tin can, emptied and aired
monthly, is best for keeping flour,
meal or oatmeal In bulk. All should
be kept where it is dry, airy and free
of smells, as all take up taints very
Method Use part of the dough and
place on well-floured board. Now pat
and work it lightly, dipping tho hands
into flour until stiff enough to handle.
With floured rolling pin pat Into a flat
sheet, brush with melted butter, strew
sugar and chapped almonds over, then
roll like a Jelly roll. Grease a large flat
tin, place a greased empty baking pow
der can In center and slip the ring
around. When light, flour a dull pair
of scissors, snip the ring two inches
apart, from outer edge to center, now
turn each section on edge, like a star
Bake in brisk oven, reducing the heat
after awhile. When nearly done brush
with icing made of confectioners' r
car rubbed smooth with hot watpr
strew chopped almonds over and place
Among the materials for upholster
ing are a lot of new Puritan prints.
These are new in texture, In design. In
colorings and color harmony shadings.
One called "fantasy," shows a well
covered floral pattern allover, with
fluttering birds between, splendid col
or harmony and exquisite shndlngs. A
new printed linen in Riverlln design,
and mercerized rep In diadem and fes
toon designs, are unusually attractive,
while Aurora and other new subjects
on Bedouin cloth show to exceptional
French and Fruit Creams.
French Cream Break into bowl
white of egg, add equal amount of wa
ter, s'tlr Into It confectioners' sugar
and mold into shape. Then set aside
to dry on plates of waxed paper.
Fruit Cream Seeded raisins, fig, cit
ron or currants chopped fine, may be
mixed with French cream before all
the sugar Is added. Press Into cake
an Inch thick and cut Into cubes.
Chopped nuts are very nice. English
walnuts with cream between, too.
Dry In the Shade.
While it is well to dry all stockings
out of the sun, thts is particularly true
of black stockings. Another precau
tion to take so that hosiery will not
lose the quality of its black is to add
a little vinegar to the water In which
they are rinsed a teaspoonful to a
quart of water is the right proportion,
it Is well, after the stockings are dry,
to shape them with the hand but not
to Iron them.
When Peeling Apples.
When peeling apples if boiling wa
ter Is poured over them first the skins
will come off more easily.
Willing to Suffer.
Louise had made loud and repeated
calls for more turkey at the Sunday
dinner. After she had disposed of a
liberal quantity she was told that too
much turkey would make her sick.
Looking wistfully at the fowl tor a mo
ment, Bhe said:
"Well, give me anuzzer piece an'
send for the doctor." Ladles' Home
Tho Milliner Run fast, boy) Get
that delivered before It's out of style.
Grow a llttlo every day.
Seek to loarn a llttlo more;
rut some long-used fault away,
Know some truth unknown before.
Every day nc.d something new
To the skill that Is your own
Something that may bring to you
Hope wlu-n other hopes are flown.
Every day rome rause remove
That has limited your strength;
Jtdd some vltue that will prove
Worthy of Its cost, at length.
Make some progress every clay.
Take at least one step ahead;
Men may linger by the way
Only when their hopes are dead.
The Same Old Story.
"It's curious how habits fasten,
themselves on people. You know
"He's an enthusiastic fisherman,
and always has a story to tell about
some gigantic monster of the deep
that he almost caught"
"I've heard him tell a lot of lies of
"Well, It seems that burglars broko
Into his house the other night and'ho
got up and captured one of them a
little fellow but you ought to hear
him tell about the size of tho one that.
Didn't Get It
"So you think you are entitled to u
raise of salary?"
"Yes, sir. I am always the first ono
here in the morning and the last to
leave at night."
"Oh, that's no argument. I happen
to know that your homo life is un
Deejily loving, nnd glad at heart.
He goes his way,
Faithfully doing his ordered part
From day to day.
Gladly trusting and satisfied.
He does not moan
If others have greater cause for pride
.iiiun is im own.
Pity him If you please because' '(
His place Is poor; r '.. . ,
Hut rever a luckier mortal wan; AtsV
ills faith Is sure. V- g
Down and Out.
"I shall not permit you," he declared,
"to trample on my love with Im
punity." "I shall not do it," she saucily re
plied, for she had just been invited to
go to dinner with tho son of a Pitts
burgh millionaire. "When I trample
on your love I 6hall do it with my
feet" Might Have Expected It.
"My wife belongs to all the antfc
cruelty societies there are. She be
lieves that kindness will accomplish
anything. It would pain her to even
harm a fly. In fact, she once tried to
write an essay on sticky flypaper."
"She got stuck on the first sen.
A Mean Man.
"Does your husband turn his salary
over to you?"
"Yes," she sadly replied.
"Then why are you so" downheart
ed?" "Oh, It doesn't do any good. Ho
often makes a few dollars extra which
he spends for his own pleasure with
out letting me know about It"
His Only Chance.
The man who has never become suK
flciently Important to lift a first shovel
ful of earth or lay a corner stone or
drive a last spiko may as well try to
become reconciled to the fact that
prosperity will have to honor him, It
he Is to be honored.
How It Happened.
"How did you ever happen to piclfe
out such a dismal place as the Mam
moth Cave In which to spend your
"You see, our parents objected, an'
we were both anxious to keep It dark.""
"ChlggBworth admits that he get
seasick every time be happens to bo
on u boat In rough weather."
"What a remarkable about ItT"
"That he admits It."
Voice of the Skeptic- V"- i'
"What a liar Bankhead la,". , :v
"Why do you say that?"" "if- '
"He has just got home after having
been away on a four weeks' trip with
his wife and three children, and ho
claims that be enjoyed himself."