Newspaper Page Text
'The Lincoln County Herald
FUULISllBD EVKKV THURSDAY
LINCOLN COUNTY HERALD.
TKKMS OV ADVER USING.
Ono Square (10 llnes)ortess,onolnnrtlnn...$l (0
Bach additional insertion , 74
Administrator' Notices.. ,1 oil
Final Settlement Notices 3 00
Stray Notices (single stray) 1 M
Each additional stray In saino notice, 1 (H)
jjffl" A Liberal Deduction will be inado t
TROY, MO., THURSDAY, MAY 1, 1872-
St.Ot? A YEAR IN ADVANCE
HINOIiIi! CP1E aIVIS C13NT8.
SlOR Sc CAITIPBELL,
'Troy, - - Missouri.
ATTEND to nil Mndt of "DRNTAL'WORK
noil guarantee period satisfaction.
80-Office -Front tooin over CO. Ransdell'l
IBoot and Shoo St-ro. fcb29n8
. J. C. GOODRICH. W. W. BIRKHEAD
(GOODRICH Sc OIKKUE AD,
VTR- BIRK1IBAD will be Id the office all tho
iXJ lime. Dr. UOODMCH Hill only bo here
(from tltno to time, due notice of which will be
rjiven. Oa for the PAINLESS extraction of
leeth administered at alt llraos by Dr. BirkhcaJ.
August 31, 1R7I. Ton26jl'
G. T. DUJTN,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
3Vew"IIopcl - . - Missouri.
Will practice In the Court) nf tho Nineteenth
Judical Circuit.. gpeclal-attontlon given to col
leettng. ' v7nl(lmCp
R. C. MAGKUDEIt,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Cap-au-Gris, - Missouri.
Will practice in the Courti of the Nlncteen)h
Judicial District. v7nS
W. C. McFARLAND,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Will practice In tbo Courts of the Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit, and will givo special attention
to collection,. Oflljo Front room over J. It.
Knox's -Bank. v7nl0
T . J . WEBB,
ATT0R&EY AT LAW,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Will promptly uttontl to any legal business.
Special attention given to Collecting. Oflico
J. li. Allen, In old P. 0. building. v6n29ylp
CH AS. MARTIN, Jr.,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Will practico in all tbo diurts uf Ilia Nine
teenth Judicial Circuit. Special attculion given
to the collection of debts. vfinS'J
.J. R. U AFP. U. W. C0L1JKKT.
GAFF & COL.BEIIT,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Will attend to any professional business In tbo
Courts of Lincoln, Wnrren, Montgomery and St.
t'hnrlr", and in tho District and Supreme Courts.
A. V. u'KEE. IIENI1V QUini.KY. K. N, ltONFII.8.
McKEE, QlilliLLY & U0NF1LS,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Wilt practice in tho various Courts of this and
adjoining counties. Special uttontlon given to
collections and mattor rol.itlng to real estate.
p& Office, northeast corner Main ond Cherry
elreets, just below Laclodo Hotel. n30v7
J. B. ALLEN. W. T. BAKER.
ALLEN & BAKER,
Attorneys-at-Law, Agents Stale and
Pboenlv Insurance Compaules,
and Real Estate Agents,
JOSEPH 1$. ALLEN, Notary Public.
B. W. WHEELER,
Attorney at Law ami Notary Public,
NEW HOPE, MO.
Will attend to any professional business In the
Courts of Eincoln, Warren, I'lko and Montgom
ery counties. sep7'71n3(lyl
WM FRAZIER. d- W. COLBERT.
FRAZIJER &. COLBERT,
Attorneys at Law & Real Estate Ag'ls,
Will praotice in all the courts of the Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit. Special attention given 10 col
lections and to the sale and purchase and leasing
of real estate. Abstracts of titles, warranty
deeds, deeds of trust and mortgages inodo out
on short notice. Largo number of valuabio
farms for rale at low prices. 5if Offico on Main
street in Hansdell't building, up stairs. v 7 n 1 4
WALTON & CREECH,
Attorneys at Law & Real Estate Ag'ts,
"Will practice in all the Uourts of the Nineteenth
-Tudlolal Circuit, and the Supreme Court of the
'fUito. All business entrusted to their care will be
.promptly attended to.
Office over Dr. S. T. East's Drug store, Officl
'&ours from 9 a' in. to 4 p. in.
1H0BNIIILL 4 Bl'SWELLi Propr's.
THIS la flrst-clais hotel, furnished In goo.i
style and Its table supplied with the best the
toarliet affords. Strangers stopping in I roy will
nd here all the comforts of home.
The BAR is stocked wl'h strictly prime Li
fuors, suoh h Brandies, Whiskies. Wines, Ale,
Gin, etc.) also tho finest brands of Cigars,
TVTOTICB it hereby given that the undersigned,
administrator of the estate of Menry
lMlir,JMi(j, will mako final settlement of
fcls ndui nlsti.llon of said estate at the next term
r Us Probate Court o Lincoln eounty, Mo., to
Uj Ifjai, w ry l 'Cf0Dd Mn"
Woirt" ' SIEOaiCU WfiJIDE, ata'r.
T. W. WITMOW,
FINE BUGGY AND WAGON
SADDLERS' FINDINGS OF
AM) DEALER IN
Saddle and larness-Ilalvor8,
BRIDLES, TRACE CHAINS,
All of which are offered at the
Having just finished new rooms
on the Corner of Main and Cherry
Streets, two doors north of my old
stand, I am now prepared, and will
keep on hand at all times the Best
and Mcst Complete assortment
of goods that has ever been offered
to the public in this county.
MY SADDLES AND IIARXESS
AIDS MAIJK OP 1UK
VERY BEST MATERIAL,
put rr under sty own si'pEitvuiox and
Wni'i'iintcil to Give Entire
and aim: orFKitnn at imuues
I AM ALSO I'KUPARKD TO FUKNISH
All Kinds of Buggy Trimming, tj
Cover Buggies, etc., etc.
AGENT FOH THE CELEBRATED
which is warranted to give entire satisfaction.
T. W. WITHROW.
I WOULD respectfully announce to tho cltl
seni of Lincoln eouuty that I havo secured
the services of si FIRST-CLASS JOURNEY
MAN WATCHMAKER, and will
Repair Watches, Clocks and
AT MODERATE RATES,
AND IN GOOD OHDER.
ENGRAVING NEATLY EXECUTED.
JUT All Work Vai ranted.
J. L. VAUCSHAIV,
P. 3c A. Telegraph Office, Bonfils' Building,
N. B. Persons wishing to purchase any of
the American Watches, I will furnish them at
Wholesalo Price List. nUv7
MRS, MARY SEDLACEK'S
NOTION & GROCERY STORE,
For cheap groceries and provisions,
and everything in the grocery
line, such as
Go to Mrs. Sedlacek's.
Agency of the Weed Family
Favorite Sewing- machine
Call and examiuo this machine before pur
Jiif Persons indebted to ma arc earnestly re
quested to call and settle last year's accounts.
.11 rs. SEUIAEK.
Feb'y 1, 1870.
TOf ICK is hereby given that tho undersigned,
t.w Superintendent of publlo schools of Lincoln
county, Mo., will, In acondanco with tho school
law of the State, hold publlo lamination of
teachers, on the 1st Saturday of every month, tt
the court bouso in Troy, and on those dayl only.
Teachers will plcnse fcrar this in mind.
V. S. I'KilMNGIO.-v. Sup't Publiu Schools,
JnlinM Alnoola SuSmty, Wo.
,t TEU ONt FOR TJE HERAJ.D
Adaas, flay Hd Webster As they
were Thirty Years Age,
The moat extraordinary man in publiai
life was John Qulooy Adams. Wise ex
pressed the truth as woll ns the general
sense of the House when he declared that
Mr. Adams knew mire than all the other
members put together. On being atked
tn explain, he said thut ho knew every
thing that any other member knew, and
many things of which every other man
wax ignorant. (lis knowledge was inopt
oxtensivo and precise, nud his memory,
sitmularly tenacious. He never spoke
without commanding the attention of the
House, and he always threw a flood of
light on the subject under discussion ;
but ho was petulant and irrasciblo in de
bate, sparing no ono in his sarcasm and
denunciation. The boldest hesitated
about oncottntoring a man so thoroughly
equipped and armed nt all points. Mur
shall of Kentucky, who was a sort of a
knight errant, thought to win laurels by
running a course with tho old gentlcmau.
He prepared himself with great labor,
and catuo into (ho House with a long
preamble, reciting certaiu delinquencies
of Mr. Adams, winding up with a resolu
tion of expulsion. He made a very elab
orate, able and eloquent speech in support
of his proposition, and the feoling of a
majority of the body seemed to be with
hitu He was highly complimented for his
brilliant effort, and for a duy or two he
felt that bis argument was unanswerable.
At the proper time, Adams arose to reply
The galleries were crowded to suffoca
tion, and the lobbies were full. Ho com
menced his pcoch as follows : "Mr.
Speaker, when Warren Hastings had lis
toned to tho eloquent denunciations and
wonderful arguments of liurkc, Fox and
Sheridan, he said ho almost folt that he
must be guilty of the crimes charged
upon him. Now, sir, I havo listened to
arguments more powerful and eloquence
more brilliant than ever were heard in
tho House of Lords, and never for one
moment did I feol mjfelf guilty of the
offenses which the gentleman of Ken
tucky alleges against me." He then
proceeded with what was probably tho
greatest speeoh of his life. His vindica
tion was complete, and the effort tro
mcndoui. Mr. Marshall's argument were
so riddled that they seemed the merest
sophistry, and his display of historical
learning was shown to be tho drivel of a
sophomore. No Eiich speech bad for a
long time been heard in the Houc. The
immense auditory was electrified, and
Marshall's career came to an untimely
Mr. Clay was so indignant aud exas
perated at Tyler's vetoes that he beennio
unreasonable and disagreeable to bis
friends. He would listen to no sugges
tions tending to a composition of tho
difficulty, and advised an immediate ad
journment and an uppcnl to the pcopln
Some of the more conspicuous Wliis of
(Jongre68, becoming discontented with the
imperious bearing and hie determination
to push extreme measures, agreed to
meet at Gen. Scott's rooms ut tho Hope
elub for consultation.
Mr. Clay was not invitod to attend,
nor was ho apprised that the moctiug
was to held ; but late that evening the
fuct came to hii knowledge. Returning
from a whist party at Bodit'coV, ho
knocked at Scott's quarters, and was
ushered into tbo room where the gentle
men were sitting. A hawk in a dove cot
could not have created a greater conster
nation. He remainod standing, dcolining
a proffered chair. Glancing from one
part of the room to tho other, and glow
ring at everybody presont, be exclaimed
id a loud voice, "1 reason I treason I and
iu the middle of tbo night. Fair play,
bcott, fair play." And be walked away
paying no attention to the attempt at
explanation or the denials that anything
secret or uulair was intended, oubsa
quently ha was pursuadod that the only
object of the mooting was to consult upon
the situation, and soo if anything could
be decided on to promote harmony in the
party and avert the peril impending.
Mr. Clay never forgave the gentlemen
who wore instrumental in securing the
nomination ot Harrison, lie was conn
deut that he could hava been elected by
a largo majority, and always distrusted
tho friendship and fidelity of suoh of his
friends as had acquiesced in the selection
of bis rival. He was sore toward Scott,
and ofton expressed himself in terms of
contempt mid derision when the Uon
eral'i name was mentioned. A card
party given by Geo, Macotnb was largely
attended by the most distinguished gen
tlemen in Washington, Mr. Clay came
in at a late hour, leaning on the arm of
Senator Mangum. ho entered the
room, his attentiou wus attracted to a
whist tablo, that happoncd to be made
up of politicians understood to bo espe
cially friendly to Webster and Scott.
Among them were Edward Curtis, George
Evans and Ogden Hoffman. Mr. 'lay
had been diniug with a party of friends,
and was not in tho most placid frame of
mind. Approaching these gentlemen, ho
broke out upon thsm as follows : ''You
manufacturers of public opinon you
makers of President's who assume to con
trol all mankind what mischief are you
batching?" Ho spoke in a loud tone,
and was hoarJ all over the room. Gen.
Scott at this moment camo up, and Mr.
Clay, turning to him, accosted him in a
sneering tone : "Aud hero's the redoubt
able Geuoral himself. He was fool
enough to suppose that he could be mads
President of the United States," at the
save time puttiug his hand not in the
suosi gentle manner on Scott's shoulder.
Vhe General quito porturbed, shrank
trout tee contact, remarking, "You for
get that it my mounded afro." "Yon are
tnrtteti all over," was ho repty. Mr.
Mangon led Clay from tho room, aod
there the sffair ended for the time.
Some correspondence ensued, and seriou
consequences were apprehended. Hut
friends interposed, and Mr. Clay, who
capable of magnanimous concession' wheu
conscious ot being in tho wrong, made a
About tbiB time tbo interested battery
of persons seeking offico and other grati
fications at the hand of the Executive
wholly deluded tho mind of the Presi
dent, aud in pursuit of his one gtout o'b
ject it occurred to him that a Liographi
cai sketch descriptive ol his character
and public service, suited to general cir
culation, might promote his prospects
Ho accordingly requested a trusted
friend to write a history of his life, and
as a preliminary to the undertaking rc
commended a consultation with Mr.
Wcbitor. The Secretary of State was
waited on for that purpose. He hap
pened to bn in nna of his 'mot ungr.i
cieus moods, and as formal nnd intin-nssi-ble
a grand Lama,
"Tl.a Presi.lent wishes mo to writo a
sketch of his life, Mr. Webster."
"Why don't you do it, then ?"
"lie directed me to cull uud talk with
you on tho subject."
"Go on, sir, 1 will listen to what you
have to say."
"But, sir, returned the baffled inter
viewer, "the President sent me to- you
for counsel and advice."
"1 havo none to give Mr. Tyler tie
sires you to write a sketch of liU life
rather an uneventful life I don't see
how you can mako much of a book about
Tho reply was : "It will require some
ingcuuity tn prepare a readable memoir "
"A great doal, sir. Good moruini;."
As the gentleman left the room, Mr.
Webster called after him : "Send mo a
copy of the work when it is printed."
The sketch was written, and published by
tho Harpers. Meeting the author on the
avenue sometime afterward, Mr. Webster
thus addressed him : "I'm obliged for
your attention. The thing was rather
cleverly dons. I don't see how you suc
ceeded so well, considering the paucity
of the material,"
A Queer English: Custom. An
American lady, the other day, in Loudon,
went to church iu a hat, not ktiowiug the
English prejudice concerning thut article
being worn in tbo sanctuary. All her
friends looked U her very gravely, and
spoke coldly. She could not imagine
what was the matter, aud asked her hus
band if there was anything wrong about
her head, lie scrutinized her, and told
her no, but still she could see thut it was
tho object of attention, and that many
looked at her askance. Glud when church
was out, and not satisfied that something
was not out ofplaca or way, she stepped
in at a. friend's, who had lately lived in
London, and told her of her ambarrass
mcnt. "Why," said her friend, "it is
that hat." "That hat? What is the
matter with the hat?" said the yount;
wife, taking it off her head. "My bonnet
did not come from Paris, and the hat is
a real beauty." "So it is," was the reply,
"but it is a highly improper covoring to
bo worn in church, dn abomination to
English women Your wearing it was a
serious misdemeanor the veriest miss is
not allowed to wear a hat to sorvice.
Seeing that your hat was wrong, people
supposed something wrong with you.
You can wear a hat almost uny where else,
but if you want to go to churoh in En
gland, aud bo thought respectublo, you
must put on a bonnet."
Uov Tuev Suave in Cuina A fel
low who has been shaved iu China says
that the barber first stroppod the razor
on his leg, and then did the shaving with
out any lather. Tho customer remon
strated, but was told that lather was en
tirely useless and had a tendenoy to make
tliH hair still and tough, and was there
fore never used by persons who had
knowledge of the face and its appendages.
Aftor tho beard bad ben takeu off and
it was done in a very short time the
barber took along, sharp, needle shaped
spoon and begun to explore the cus
tomer's eats. He brought up from nu
tnerous little crevices bits of wax and
dirt that had beon accumulating since
his childhood. The barber suddenly
twisted his subject's neck to one side iu
such a manner that it cracked as if tho
vertubra) had been dislocated "Hold
on I" shouted the party, alurmcd for the
safety of his neck. "All right," replied
tho tonsor, "me no hurt you ;" and ho
contiuued to jerk aud twist the neck un
til it was ai limber as un old woman's
dish rag. Ho thcu full to beatiug the
back, breast, arms and sides with bis
fi-ts, aud pummolad the muscles until
they fairly glowed with the beating they
bad received. He then dashed a bucket
of cold water over his man, dried the skin
with towels and declared his work done.
Prico, two cents.
Mrs. Partington entered the offico of
the Probate Judge (called "Civilian) and
inquired in her blandest tone : "Are you
a civil villain?" "Do you wish to insult
mo, madam?" suid the Judge. "Yes,"
replied tho amiable old lady; "my
brother died detested, anj left thrco infl
del childern, and I'm to be their execu
tioner ; so I want to insult tho civil vil
lain about it,"
Dr. Holmes, the delicious old Turk,
says : "The brain omes nsver interest
us like the heart-women. Wkite fuses
please less than red."
A minister recently si eondollng
with a fathsw vho hail lost sou by
doath, whoa tho father replied, '1 was
uncommon sorty to lose the boy, but
there's no uie oryiug ovor spilled milk,"
Wanted to be lit Alone. Tho
Bangor (Maina) Commercial tells the ful
lowing good story : Everbody recollects
Uncle Van Meter, the negro philosopher
of fiackeaville, who died some months
since. Vau was a obaracter. Ho was sum
moned on one occasion as a witness in
the Suptemo Court on a cow case ; at the
titno tho benctolent Judge Hathaway
presided. Tho couussl ou cither side,
who are still living in this city, for sheer
fun racked their brains to oblusticato the
veteran African by plying all nmniier of
questious portaiuing to every other topic
but the cow, Tho experiment was sue
cessful, and poor bofogod Van answered
as wildly as a blind pugilist strikes out at
his antagonist. Judgo Hathaway; will
ing to enjoy a little sport, but with a viow
of getting the bewildered philosopher
back to a rational standing, turned bo
nignantly toward him and put a simple
question. This was moro than tho illus
trious vntidoo could stand u'magazino
never exploded quicker' Lifting both
hands above his head, and with a counte
nance beaming with despair, he ex
claimed : "I soz now, you old gray
barred gemmau up dar on de bench,
don't you interfero wid dij madder. I've
just as much as I can do to take care ob
dese two chaps down hero.
The "Heathen Chinee" as a Pokeu
Playeh. A Western exchauge has the
following insight into the life of the
Night beforo last some of our young
bloods, who were down in Chinatown
viewing tho barbarous festivities of the
"Heathen Chinee" on the occasion of
his New Year, happened into an estab
lishment where some of tho mcu wero
engaged in playing cards. They soon
discovered, much to their surprise, that
the gamo was nothing more nor less than
American draw poker. After some jokes
in regard to William Nyo, Esq., and his
Celestial opponent, Ah Sin, two of the
boys asked if they could come iuto the
game. Tho Chinese were quito willing
to accommodate them, and down they
sat. Soon one of the Melican men lost
88 and the other 815 trying to come the
bluff. This would not do, and they
played more cautiously ; yet the Celestial
would "call" them with tho utmost con
fidence. In bets of 85, $2.50, and so on,
their coin was rapidly passing over to
the enemy. They tried one or two of
tlioir sharpest tricks, and, as the
"Johns" seemed to see nothing, were
under the impression they had succeeded,
until tho Clestial coolly raked in tho coin
and pointed out tho fact the little decep
tion was lacking in smoothness Having
expended between 840 anil $50 in the
vaiu endeavor to ascertain the exact
oxtcut of tho eclestiol comprehension of
our great national game, the boys con
cluded they would "Ah Sin" no more.
As thoy withdrew, one of their oppo
uctiitt, with a "smile that was childlike
and bland," said, "S'poso you next time
like pluy more pokce, you come see mo."
The (J li i tie -e are a gambling nation ;
they have studied all manner of games
for thousands of years, snd they doubt
less see through our simple card games
at a glance, and chuckle at tho simplicity
of what wo consider the dcepost of strut
Composition onto a iioa. A hog is
a big pig, but a littlo pig ain't a big hog
There is 3 kinds of bogs white hogs,
black hogs and 2 legged hogs. The con
trairiest hog is tho black hog, and the
meanest of all bogs is the 2 legged hog.
If you want to driye a bog anywhere,
you must drive 'em the contrary way
Hogs is like women in that respect ; you
can drive 'em better by coaxing, in
olber ways hogs ain't like women, except
daddy says, they sre never satisfied, and
alwaysa grunting, Women wear ear
rings in their ears, hogs wear 'em in their
nose. Daddy says that's so they can't
nose it. Hogs is very useful. A hot
head noms water, anu uis tail makes a
nice whistle; but Daddy says you can't
mako a silk purse out of a hog's ear.
A bog has ten legs, two 4 legs that's
eight; and two hind legs, that's 10.
Folks call 'em hams. Daddy likes ham
best; ho says he has had cold shoulder
so often he's tirod of it. Some hogs is
fut aud somo isn't; a good hog alwajs
has n curly tail. Daddy says it is like
the Esq., to a man's name, more for or
namont than anything else. Daddy's
hog was fut once, but ho ain't now.
Daddy had to tio a knot in his tail to
kcop him from crawling through tho
boards of his pen. He got out)' once,
and came baok with ever so many little
hogs, Daddy said that was doing very
well, but 1 don't beliove it, else he'd let
'em out again.
I like killing-time, cause Daddy gives
mo the bladders to blow up for foot-balls.
Mammy booked the biggest one to rauke
a nmhtcapp. There must he 2 kinds of
nightcaps. Daddy takes bis out of a
bottle. I suppose I'll kuow how it is
myself when I grow bigger. Daddy has
got his nightcap, and says if I don't go
to bed he'll mako mo squeal like a pig.
A gentleman who was staying at a sea
side hotel during the summer cxpiesscd
his dissatisfaction to his landlady of the
heavy charges tn dis bill. "Well, you
seo," she said1, "our season is so very
short that ae obliged1 to make kay
when tho bud sjtUuos," "That may all
be ary true, my good woman, " replied
Ibe visilot, "tout though f know alt flesh
Is grass, I (iecioVjeMy abject tit being saadtc
A western girl, who has Uoea wal
brought up linockn down every man that
kisses her, uod slio is so pretty that half
the married and all tho singlo men in
town have black eyes.
Woman's Hair. Dr llctijamin God
frey has written a bonk on the "Disease
of the Hoir." He says that a woman's
hair may grow to tho length of six feat,
and that a young lady of Masachusetts
refused a thousand dollars for her
"cranial covoring, which was only one
inch short of this measurement." Four
hundred hairs of average thickness would
cover an inch of space, The blonde has
about one hundred and forty thousand
filaments to comb and brush white the
rcd-bairod beauty has to be satisfied with
eighty-eight thousand ; tho brown haired
damsel mtiy havo one hundred and nine
thousand, thn black-haired one hundred
and two thousand. Fow ladies consider
that thoy carry somo forjy or fifty miles
of hair upon their head; the fair-haired
may even have to dress seventy miles of
threads of gold every morning. A Ger
man experimentalist has -proven that a
singlo hair will suspend four ounces
without breaking, stretching under the
process and ceotnoti'ii' ugafn. ZIuC th
hair thus heavily weighted must be dark
brown, for the blonde breaks down under
two ounces and a half.
Boys be sure that your prospective
father-in-law's eye sight is good, r that
he has Ins "specs" on when you call ob
his daughter. A respectable young man,
who never swore nor used tobacco in his
life, called to spend the evening with a
young lady in Brooklyn last week, and
walked into the parlor with his cane in
hand, as usual. .The girl's father sat in
bis slippers, reading the Independent 'by
the fire, until the visitor entered the room,
when ho pulled en ono boot, and kicked
the caller out of doors before tho latter
could tell what ailed him. The old gen
tleman had been worried by lightning
rod men all day outside, and, being near-.
sighted, mistook the beau and his oane
for one of those irrepressibles with a
sampie piece of rod in his band.
A clever old lady, apparently just ar
rived on a train from the country, eotsred
one of the refreshment rooms at the
Springfield railroad station the other
day, and gazed eagerly about the appart
ment as though searching for something.
At last a waiter inquired what she was
looking for, and she replied that she left
her parasol on the sette, and was trying
to find it. A general search commenced
and lasted for some time. Finally one of
tho waiters asked the old dame when she
left it, to which she answered, after
counting upon her fingers, "Well, it was
just tbreo years ago last Fourth of July."
There was a general roar, much to tba
astonishment of the old lady, who went
away with a very puzzled look upon her
An Iiisbman named Paddy Doolan, a
ready witted wag, who always had a
word for everybody, let it hit which over
way it might went into a grocery storo
one duy to buy eggs.
"How nro eggs today?" he asked of
the clerk, who was one of those over
smart fellows, by tho way.
"Eggs aro eggs to day, Paddy," replied
tho clerk, looking quite triumphantly
upon two or three young lady customers
who happened to bo in the store,
"Faith, I'm glad to hoar yeez say so,"
roplied Paddy, "for the last ones I got
here were chickons."
Tho pioneer Mothodist, Peter Cart
wright, uttered many wise and odd and
witty sayings. He was often much an
noyed at oue sister, more noisy than
pious, who would go off on a high key at
every opportunity. At an animated
class-meeting one day she broke ont
with, "If I bad one more feather in the
wing of my faith I could fly away and
be with tbo Savior."
"Stick in tbo feather, 0 Lord I and
lot her go," fervently responded Brother
Tbo Davenport Democrat baa the
following : "A beautiful and almost
miraculous incident occurred at the lick
bed uf a child near Marshall, on Thurs
day last. The little daughter of John
House was lying nt the point of death,
when a flash of lightning passed through
tho room, arousing the infant ; at tho
same moment a beautiful white dove 'flew
into the chamber, and with outspread
wings hovered over tho iufaut till it died,
and then disappeared.'1
The St. Louis Christian Advooate
says: "We do not protend to account
lor Satan. We cannot understand the
propriety of his existence cny moro than
we can that of (Joneral lieniaman uutler.
but both aro facts in the world, whioh
wo receivo upon competent testimony."
"Nudge not that ye bo not nudged,"
was a five year old's version of the famil
iar scriptural passage in a Clevolsnd
Sal bath sohool. That boy had an eye
to a good snooze during church tiuin
when he learned his Sunday school
A citizen of Gosport, Maine, tbo other
night mistook his wife's yesst bottle fut
his ftvoiite "little brown jug," and took
"a long pull and strong pull" there
from, He is now regardoi as a rising
A resident of Kalmszo,) writo to
school board" tn Ohil that tio will take
fc school, as he fcss "(ought 2 terms
school ant) I attended college 4 soar at
detrutt mictiigan. and am -u yejrs avage.
Th wife of a YYolsfe minister, John
Evans, asked her husband, "Do yow
think we (hall know each other ia
heaven?" lie replied, "To bo sure we
shall ; do you think we shall lie greater
fools thoro than hero?"