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TIio Lincoln Comity Herald
ruMisiti:i uvkuy weunkuat
THEO. JL. lISIIJBit.
Sl.O A IEAB IN ADVANCE
HI Kill. U CI)tlliS HVH CHNTH.
SYD.WH A: CAM PISE Lfj,
'Troy, - - ITliHNoiiri.
ATTEND to alt kinds of DENTAL WOKK
and Ruornntco perfect satisfaction.
Jd- Oflicc Front room over C. C. Itansilcll's
Boot and Shoe Stiro. fob29n8
LINCOLN COUNTY HERALD.
TEIIMH OK AI)Vi:il TIHINC.
Ono Squaro (10 lines) ur less, ono Insertion. ..$1 SO
Each aJdltlonal Insertion 71
Administrators' Notices.... v .1 Uo
Final Settlement Notices i 00
Stray Notices (single stray) 3 CO
Each additional stray In same notice I ( 0
pif A Liberal Induction will bo mado to
TROY, MO., WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4, 1872.
W. W. BHIKHEAD
GOODRICH & BIRKIIEAD,
"Troy, - - iTliMMonri.
Dlt. BIRKHEAD wilt be In the ofllco nil the
time. Dr. GOODRICH will only bo hero
'from time to time, duo notleo of which will bo
.-glren. Gas for tho PAINLESS extraction of
teeth administered at all tlmos by Dr. Dlrkboad.
August 31, 1 B7 1 . v6n26l
G T. DUNX,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Will p.adlco In tho Courts nf (ho Nineteenth
Judical Circuit, gpeclal attontion given to col
R. C. M AG RUDER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Cnp-ati-dii'iM, - Missouri.
Will practice in tho Courts of tho Nlneteerh
Judicial District. v7n5
W. C. McPARLAND,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Will practico In tho Courts of tho Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit, aad will givo special attention
to collections. OQ:c Front room over J. It.
Knox's Dank. vTnlti
CIIAS. MAKTINj Jr
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Will practico In all tho Courts of tho Nine
teenth Judicial Circuit. Special attention given
la tho collection of debts. v6n39
x. v. u'Kr.r..
McKEE, QUIGLEY & BONPlLSt
ATT ORNEYS AT L W,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Will practico in tho various Courts of this and
adjoining counties. Special attention given to
collections and matters rotating to real estate.
li OHicc, northeast corner Main and Cherry
.streets, just below Laclcdo Hotel. nDllv"
J. B. ALLEN. W. T. IIAKER.
At.lL.EN & BAKER
Allorucys-at-Law, Agents Stale ami
Phoenix Insuraucc Companies,
anil ileal Estate Agents,
T it O Y, M I S S O V it 1 .
JOSEPH B. ALLEN, Notary Public.
B, W. WIlBEIiBR,
Attorney at Law ami Notary Public,
i;v HOPE, ilIO.
Will I'ttcnJ to any professional butii.ess In tho
Courts uf Lincoln, Warren, l'iko ant Montgom
ery counties. scp"'7lD,10yl
-VM FRAZIER. 0- W. C0L11ERT.
I'lKAZIER & COLBERT,
Attorneys at Law & Real Estate Ag'ls,
Will practico in nil tho courts of tho Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit. Special nttontion given to col
lections nnd to tho saloand purchase and leasing
of real cstato. Abstracts of titles, warranty
deeds, deeds of trust and mortgages mado out
on short notico. Largo number of valuable
farms for salo at low prices. jif Office on Main
street In ltnnsdoll's building, up stairs. v7nU
WALTON fc CREECH,
Attorneys at Law & Real Estate Ag'ls,
Will practico in all tho tiourts of tho Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit, and tho Supremo Court of tho
Rtato. All busluoss entrusted to their care will bo
promptly attended to.
Office over Dr. S. T. East's Drug stoic, Offico
hours from 9 a m. to 4 p. ui.
TUORNIIILL & BU8WKLL, Propr's.
THIS Is a flrst-clas's hotel, furnished la good
stylo and its tablo supplied with tho best tho
market affords. Strangers stopping In Troy will
find he.'e nil tho comforts of home.
Iho BAR Is stocked with strictly prime Li-
floors, such as Brandies, Whiskies, Wines, Alo,
iin, etc.) also the finest brands ot Ulgars,
W1I0LESALE AND RETAIL DEALER
Watch Materials and Tools.
Watches and Jewelry Repaired.
710. 210 NOUTU FOUUTU STREET
flJetween Olive and Pino Strooti)
ST. LOUIS, IIVCO.
May 9, 1872.
TOTICE li hereby given that the undersigned,
uuwiumiauuiur ui tuu usiuiv ui jienry
ratilcr, doccasod, will mako a final settlement ol
lili administration of laid estato at tho noxt torn:
of tho Probata Court ol Lincoln county, Mo., ti
be begun and held In Troy on the second Mon.
lay In July, 1872.
Vnl7i BIEDIIIOU WEHDE, adm'r
T. W. WffllROW,
MANUl'ACTUIt I'.lt otf
FINE BUGY AND WA80N
SADDLERS' FINDINGS OF
AND li:VM'.lt IN
Saddle and Harness-makers1
BRIDLES, TRACE CHAINS,
All of which are offered at the
Having just finished new rooms
on the Corner of Main and Cherry
Streets, two doors north of my old
stand, I am now prepared, and will
keep on hand at all times the Best
and Mcst Complete assortment
of goods that has ever been offered
to the public in this county.
MY SADDLES AND HARNESS
ARE MADE or 1 11 K
VERY BEST MATERIAL,
rCT UP UNDER MY OWN SUl'EUVISIUN AND
Warranted to CSivc Entire
AND AliIJ()l'l'i;ili; AT IMtlCF.S
THAT DEFY COMPETITION.
I AM ALSO l'REl'ARKD TO FURNISH
All Kinds of Buggy Trimming, to
Cover JJttggies, etc., etc.
AGENT FOIt THE CELEBRATED
winch is warranted to givo entire satisfaction.
T. "W. WITHBOW.
T WOULD respectfully announco to tho citi
zen) of Lincoln county that I havo secured
tho services -of a FIRST-CLASri JOURNEY-
MAN WATCHMAKER, and will
Repair Watche, Clocks and
AT MODERATE RATES,
AND IN GOOD OHDEH.
ENGRAVING NEATLY EXECUTED.
$J3r All Work Wai ranted.
J. L. VAlICillAA',
P. A A. Telegraph Office, Bonniii' Hull ding,
N. 0. Porsons wishing to purchaso any of
tho American Watchea, I wilt furnish thorn at
Wholesale Price List. n!5v7
MRS, MARY SEDLAGEK'S
Mi iner Establishment
NOTION & GROCERY STORE,
For cheap groceries and provisions,
and everything tn thegrocery
k line, such as
Go to Mrs. So
Agency of the Weed Family
Favorite Sewing Machine.
Call nnd exaraluo this machlno beforo pur
Persons Indebted to mo are earnestly re
quested to call and sottlo last year's accounts.
II i n. JTI. SEDIiACEK.
Fcb'y 1, 1872.
NOTICE Is hereby given that tho undersigned,
Kimfrlntendant of nublla schools of Lincoln
county, Mo., will, In aceordanco with tlio school
law of tho State, hold publie examination ot
teachers, on the 1st Saturday of every month, at
the court houso In Troy, and on thoso days only.
Teachers will ploaso bear this in mind.
W. S. PENNINGTON. Sup't Pulllo Schools,
Jnl5n21 Lincoln Cuimty. Mo.
A YKUl ONLY FOR THE HERALD
A NEVADA rUNEIUL.
BY If ARK TWAIN.
was a grand timo over Duck
when bo diod. He was a rep-
rcsontativo citizen. Ho had "killed his
man" not in hid own quarrel, it la true,
but in tho defenco of a stranger beset by
numbers. II had kept a sumptuous
saloon. Uo had been lha proprietor of
a dashing helptneot, whom tiu could have
discarded without the formality of a di
vorce lie had held u high position in
tho fire department, and been a very
'Warwick in politics. When he died
there was a groat lamontation throughout
the town, but especially tn tho vast bot
tom stratum of society.
On tho inquest it was shown that Buck
Funshaw, in the delirium of a wasting
typhoid' fever,, had taken arsenic, shot
himself through the body, cut his throat,
and jumped out of a four-story window
and broken his nock ; and nftor due de
liberation, the jury, sad and tearful, but
with intelligonco unblinded by its nor
row, brought in a verdict of unaiu "ny
the visitation of God." What could the
world do without juties?
Prodigious preparations were made for
the funeral. All the vehicles in towu
were hired, and all the saloons were put
in mourning, all the municipal uud fire
company flags wero hung at half-mast,
and all the firemen ordered to muster in
uniform, and bring their machines duly
draped in black.
Kogrotful resolutions wero passed, and
various committees were appointed ;
among othors, a committee ot ono was
appointed to call en a minister a fragile,,
gentle, spiritual new fledgling trom an
Eastern theological semi isry, and as yet
unacquainted with the ways ot the mines
Tho commilteemun, "Scutty" Briggs,
made his visit.
Being admitted to his presence, he sat
down beforo the clergyman, placed his
fire hat on an unfinished manuscript ser
mon under the tuitiister'-s nose, took from
it a red ilk handkerchief, wiped hit
brow and heaved a sigh of dismal irapres
siveness explanatory of his business. He
choked, and even shed tears, but with an
effort bo mastered his voice, and said, in
lugubrious tones :
"Aru you the duck that runs the gos
pel mill next door ?"
"Am I the pardon me, I believe I do
With another 6igh and half snb Scotty
'Why, you see, we are in a bit of
trouble, uud the boys thought may be
you d gi,ve us a lilt if wo d tacklo you
thut is, if I've got tho rights of it and
you are the lieud clerk of the doxolgy
work ucxt door.
''I am tho shepherd in charge of tint
Hock whose told is next uoor.
'Tho which ?"
'The spiritual adviser of tho little com
pany of believers whose sauctuary adjoins
Scotty scratched his head, reflected
moment and then said :
You rather hold it over me, pard.
reckon I can't call that band. Ante and
pass tho buck."
ilowr I beg pardon. but did
understand you to say?"
Well, you've rntbor got the bulge on
mo. Ur may be wo ve botli got tbe bulge,
somehow. You don t smoke me und
don!t. smoke you. You see, ono of the
boys has parsed in his checks, and we
want to give him a good send off, and
the thing I'm on now is to rout out
somebody to jerk out a littlo chin musio
for us, and waltz uitn through baud
My friend I seem to crow more and
'more towildorod. Your observations are
wholly 'incomprehensible to mo. Can
not you simplify them someway? At
urst 1 tbougt 1 understood you, but now
I erope. " Would it not oxpedite matters
if you restricted yourself to categorical
statement of faols unincumbered with
obstructing accumulations of metaphor
and allegory ?
Another paum and moro retlection
Then Scotty said :
"I'll have to pass, I judge."
"You've raised mo out, pard."
"I dill fail to catch your meaning."
"Why. that last lead ofveurn is too
many for mo that idea, I ean't neither
trump nor follow suite
Tho clergyman sank baok into his
chair perploxed. Scotty leaned his head
on his hand, and gave himselt up to re
flection. Presently his face came up,
sorrowful bat confident.
"I've got it now, io's you can savvy,"
said he. "What we want is a goipol
sharp. See ?"
"Oh I why did you not say to before?
I am a clergyman a parson."
"Now you talk I You see my blind,
and straddlelikeitaan. Put it there I"
extending a brawny paw, which closed
over tho minister's small hand and gave
it a shake indicative ot fraternal sympa
thy and fervent gratification.
"Now we're all right, pard. Left
start fresh. Don't you mind me snuffling
a little, beooz we're in a power of trouble.
You seo one of the boy has gono up the
"Up the flume throwed up tbe sponge,
"Thrown up tbe sponge 7 '
"Yes kiokod tho buoket "
"Ah has departed to that mysterious
oountry from whoso bourne no travellor
"Itoturn? Well, I reckon sot. Why,
pard. he's dead."
"Yes, I understand."
"Oh, you do ? Well, I thought maybe
you might bo getting tangled otice more.
Yes, you seo lie s ueuci uguin
'Again I Why, has ho ever been doad
Dead before? No. Do yousunpoo a
man has got as many livos as a cit 1 Hut,
you bet, he's awful dead just now, pour
old boy, and I wiidi I'd never seen thin
day. I don't know no better frieud than
buck t undiaw. 1 know d him by the
back ; and whon 1 know a tnun like him
I freeze to him you hear wic. Take
him ull around, pard, there never was a
burner man m the mines. iNo man ever
know'd Buck Fnnsliuw to go back on a
friend. But it's all up, you know ; It
uiu t uo uto. il.ev vo scooped mini
'Yes death has. Well, well, well,
wo ve got to givo him up. les, indeed.
It's a kind of hard world after ull, ain't
t? uut pard, ho was a rustler. You
ought to see him get started once. He
wns a bully boy with glass eye I Just
spit m Inn taco and givo turn room ac
cording to his strength, and it was just
ucauuiui io buu uiui itui arm ,,n j ju
was the worst son oi a inict uiai eror
druwud broath. l'ard, ho was on it.
He w.is on it bR'ger than an Injun?
"On it? On what t '
"On the shout. On the shoulder. On
the fight. Understand? lie didu't give
a continental for anybody. Beg your
pardou friend, for coming so near suyiug
cuss word but you sco l tu on an
awful strain in this raluvcr, on account
of having to cram down and druw every
thiug so mild. But we've got to givo
htm up. There ain't any getting uround
that, 1 don t reckon. Now, if wo cant
get you to help plant him
'Preach tho funoral discourse t Assist
at the obsequies ?"
"Ubscquies ii good. les. Jiiatsit;
that's our littlo game. We are going to
get up the thing regordloss, you know.
Ho was always nitty hiuitell, and ?o you
bet his funeral aiut goiug to bo no
slouch ; solid Bilver door-plute on his
coffin, six plumes on tho hearse, and a
nigger on the box with a bilcd shirt and
u plug hat bow's that for high ? And
wo II take care of you, purd. Wo II bx
you all right. There will he a kcrndgo
for you ; and what over you waut you
just scape out und we II tend to it.
We vo got a bhebanj: tixcd lor you to
stand behind in No. I s houi-o, und don't
you be afraid. Just go in nnd toot your
born, if you don t tell n clam. 1'ut
Buck through as bully as you can, pard.
for anybody thi't know d him will tell
you that ho was ono of the whitest men
thut was ever in tlio mines, lou cant
draw it too strong. Ho never could titund
it to seo things uoiot; wron". Ilo's done
moro to tnalo thi town ponccsblo than
any mnn in it. I've teen him lick four
Greasers in eleven minutcn myself. If a
thing wauled regulating, lie wasn't
man to co browsing around after some
bodv to do it. but would prunco in und
regulate it liimi-e'f Ho warn't a Cath
olio, hut it didn't make any difference
about that when it came down to what
mun s rights was aud so, when bouio
roughs Jumped tho Catholic boneyard und
started in to slake out town lots in it, ho
went for 'cm, too ! I was there uud seen
"That was very well, indeed at least the
impulso wus whether the autwus strictly
defensible or not. Had deceased any
relitrious conviction ? That is tu say, did
he feel a dependance upon or acknowl
edge allegiance to a higher power?"
"1 reckon you havo stun ped me again,
pard. Could you say it ovor once more,
und nay it solw ?"
"Well, to simplify it somewhat, was he,
or rather had he been, cunnected with
any organization sequestered from eeoular
concerns and devoted to selt-sacrinco in
tho interests of mortality ?"
"All down but nino set 'em up on the
other ally, pard.
"What did I understand you to soy?"
"Why, you're most too muny for mo,
you know. When you get in with your
left, 1 hunt grass every time, ftvery
time you draw you fill ; hut I don't r-eem
to havo any luck. Let's have a new
"How? Begin again?"
"Very well. Was ho a good mun
"There I seo that: don't put up an
other chip till I look ut my hand A
good man says you? Pard, it ain't no
name for it. He was the best man that
ever pard, you would have doted on
that man. He eould lam any galoot of
his inches in America. It was htm that
put down tho riot last election before it
got a start, and everybody said that he
was the only man that could have done
it. He waltzed in with a trumpet in one
hand and a spanner in the other. He
sent fourteen men home on a abutter in
loss than three minutes. He had that
riot all broko up and prevented nice be
fore anybody over got a chance to strike
a blow. He was always for peace, and
be would have peace he could not stand
disturbances. Pard, he was a great loss
lo the town. It would pleane tbe boys
if you could chip in something that
would do him justico. Here onco, like
when the Micks got to throwing stones
through the Molhodists' Suuday sohool
windows, Buok Fansbaw, all of his own
notion, shut up his saloon and took a
couple of six-shootera aud mounted
cuard over tho Sunday sohool. Says he
'No Irish neod appl.y 1' And Ihey didn't
lie was tbe bulliest man in tho moun
tuins. pard : he could run faster, jump
higher, hit harder and bold more tungle
foot whisky without apillioa than any
man in seventeen counties. Put thai in
pard ; it'll please h boys mwe haii
unytlihg you could say. And you can
say, turd, that ho never shook his
"Never shook his n. other?"
"Tint's it any of tbe boya will tell
Well, but why should bo shake her?"
'That's what I say but somo peoplo
"Not peoplo ef any repute I"
"Well, somo that uvcrages pretty
"In my opinion, a man that would
offer personal violonco to his mother
"Cheese it, pard, you've banked your
ball clean outside the string. What I
was a drivin' at was that he never tbrowed
off on his mother don't you tee? No,
indeedy. He gavr her a houso to live
in, Sjud town lots and plenty of monoy ;
aud he lookod after her and took earo ot
her all the lime ; and, when tho was
down with tho small-pox, I'm damnod if
ho didn't i-it up nights and nuss hnr him
self I Beg your pardon for enying it,
hopped out too quick for yours truly.
You've treated mo liko a gentleman and
1 ain't tho man to huriJuu. i.r.-.
tentiuiial. I think you're white. I think
you're a square man, pard. I liko you,
and 1 11 lick any man that don t. 1 11
lick him till he can't tell himself from a
last year's corpse Put it there I" An
other fraternal hanil? hako and exit.
J lie obsequies were all that "the buys
could desire. Such a marvel of funeral
pomp hud never been seen in Virginia.
lhe plumed hearse, tho dirge breathing
brass bands, the closed marts of business,
tho flaus drooping at half mart, the long,
plodding procession of uniformed secret
ociottes, military battalions and bre
companies, draped engines, carriages ot
oliicmlfl and citizens in vehicles and on
foot, attracted multitudes of spectators
to the side-walks, roofs and windows :
and for years afterward the degree of
grandeur attuned by any civio display
n Virginia was determined by compan
son with Buck I'unshuw's funeral.
Call Me Georoe. Apropos of tho
personal gossip hooting through me
press, concerning tho equestrian habits of
Hon. Ueorgo liancrolt, our minister to
Germany, it is said that, notwithstanding
his venerable years, next to his fondness
for horses, ts his penchant for harmless
flirtation. A uood story is tola of his
weakness on this point. He was prome
nading one evening on the verandah of
the Ocean House, ut New York, with
gay New York hello, uot yet out of her
teens. In course of conversation sho
addressed her companion as "Mr. Bran-
'Now, really, my dtar Miss C
said the ancient beau, "you must not
call me that call meGeorgo."
A few moments afterward they re
turned to tho drawing-room, and mingled
with tho throng, when, to theamazomcnt
and horror of our embassador, tho mis
chievniM girl exclaimed, loud enough for
the u hole company to hear:
"George. I Lave dropped my glove
please go back nnd look for it I"
liancrolt wen', but -ltd not return.
Everybody has beard of Gen. Leslie
Combs of Kentucky, the famous old
campaigner of tho Indian wars and uf all
tho political contests since tho oattie ot
Now Oilcans. Of all the gallant gen
tlomcn who camo ovor with Ponce. De
Leon, Gen Combs is the sole survivor
the only ono who drank the waters of tho
truo til Dorado, i'cople once preaictcu
that he would not long outlive his great
leader, his friend and neighbor, Henry
Clay, but he still walks tho streets
of Lexington with a quick elastio step,
and tbe grandsons of his old companions
in tbe army envy him his ruveu hair aud
Sensation in Plants. M. Figuier
believes that a plant has I lie sensation of
pleasuro aud of pain. Cold, for instance,
ho eays, affects it painfully. We sco it
contract, or, so to speak, shiver under a
sudden or violent depression of temper
ature u abnormal eleva'ion ot tem
perature evidently causes it to suffer, for
in many vegetables, when tbe beat is ex
cessive, the leaves droop on tho stalk,
fold themselves together and wither ;
when tbe cool of the evening comos, the
leaves straighten, and tbe plant recunies
serene and undisturbed appearance.
Drought causes evident suffering to
plants, for when they are watered alter a
prolonged drought thoy show signs of
tatisfuotieo. The sensitive plant, touched
by tbe finger, or only visited by a current
of unwelcome air, folds its petals and
contracts itself. The botanist Desfon-
taines saw one which he was convoying
in a carriago fold its leaves while the vo
hide was in motion and expand them
when it stopped a proof that it was lhe
motion that disturbed it. Sensation in
plants ia of the same kind as in animals,
since eleotricity kills and crushes tbem
as it does animals. Plants may alio be
put to sleep by washing them in opium
dissolved in water, and hydrocyanic acid
destroys their vitality as quickly as it
docs that of animals. Scnbnor's for
At a funeral, lately, there stood In the
house of tho defunct an old-fashioned
dock, which, whon it finished the an
nouncement of the meridian hour, was
made to play, a luuo, Tbe officiating
ministor was in the midst of his sermon
whon, noon having arrived, tbe clock
commenced striking twelve. In a very
solemn tone be impressed on his hearers
tho inevitable flight of time ; but the
exhortation was evidently ineffective, as
tho dock instantly followed with tho
oheery old notes, -of "Take ywup time,
TALKINC1 A1IOUT THE AllSLNT. A
mun would git u very false notion of his
landing among Ins friends and acquain
tances if it wero possible as many would
like to have it possible to know what is
aid of him behind his back. Ono' day
he would go about in n glow of self-es
teem ; and tho next ho would bo bowed
under a miserable sense of misapprehen
sion and distrust. It would bo impos
sible for him to put this and that to
gether aud "striko an average," Tho
fact is, there is a strange human tendency
lo tako tba prosent friend into present
confidence. With strong natures this
tendency proves often a stumbling block
-with weak natures it amounts to fick
leness. It is a proof, no doubt, of the
universal brotherhood ; but one has to
watch lest, in aa unguarded moment, it
lead him into ever so light disloyalty to
It. is a nice question how much lib
erty may we allow ourselves in talking
of our absent friends? It is very clear
that we may discuss their virtues ai
much as we may cbooio. That is a holy
ciereuo. Hut their failings I 1 think
gone too fur when wo mveep away all our
Vault-nndtug, our moj balancing ot qual-
-.- 1 , . r 1 . .
lues uuu unuiyzauon oi cnaracier, in
sudden storm of adulation.
I supposo the distinction between tho
different grades of friendship should bo
mado clear. Let us say acquaintances,
friends, intimates. Most persons can
easily placa the people whom they know
under these threo beats How it docs
seem not only natural but destrablo that
thero should bo freo, though always loyal
and kindly, discussion as to tbe antece
dents, the aurroundings, tbe prejudices,
the whims, the characters of thoso with
whom we are thrown in contact, and who
come under tho first two heads. We
may thus loam to bear more easily with
their eccentricities, to appreciate their
good points, to judge how far wo should
allow their views to affect ours. As for
tho third class go to! is not love its
own law? Tho "Old Cabinet," Scrib
ner's for Juno.
The Cowardice or Journalism It
is a lamentablo fact that nino-tcnths
of the newspapers published in towns of
tbe second class are slaves to the whims
and caprices of popular prejudices and
public opinion. On questions of impor
tance on which sentiment is divided,
they trim and biggie, and evade, lest
they may incur somebody's momentary
displeasure, when interests involved, as
wall as regard for their own indepen
dence, and just influence, and the public
good, require that they should be frank,
freo and honest in their discussion. The
office of a publie journal, if we under
stand it, is, first to havo opinions, and
hen lo cxperca thorn. Because men
differ from them, furnishes no ground
for withholding them, but rather tho
best possible ground fur giving them the
fullest expression. Omaha Herald.
One of the managers of a printing es
tablishment in Utica was sadly victim
ized the other day. A shabbily-dressed
girl came to his offico and told bim that
his wife bad sent her for seveoty-fivo
oents, the same to be applied to the re
lief ot a poor woman on Catherine street.
Ho turned all his pockets wrong side
out, but found only seventy-three cents,
which he gave to the applicant with his
blessing, and he was not very mad when
he went home to tea and found that his
wife did not know anything about tho
A touching story of faithful love
conies from Philadelphia. A boautiful
young girl became engaged in 1861 to a
gallant officer in tbe Union army. At
tbo close of the war he went to Califor
nia to seek his fortune. She waited pa
tiently for his return, feeling cooCdent
that be would comeback to her. So tho
years passed ; her friends no longer rid
iculcd hor, but pitied her as a monoma
niac. Last week her fidelity was re
warded. Tho lover of her girlhood re
turned from California bronzed and
bearded, a millionaire with wife and
An innocent old gentleman, jogging
along with his wife in the "one horse
shay," saw three men and a boy with
their hoads together outside the corner
grocery. Anxious to know the causo of
sueh unutual excitement, he drew up
llosinanta with a long, deliberate pull,
calling out: "What's afeot thero?"
"Twelve inches," was the satisfactory
reply. "Gee up, Dobbin 1"
A venerable country gentleman in
Pittsburg said to a newsboy, tbe other
day : "Boy, I want to go to tbe Monou
gahela House." "Very well," replied
tho boy, "you may go, if you'll promise
not to be gone long."
Scene : llecitation in motaphysics.
Professor Whioh is tbe most delioito
of the senses? Senior Tho sense of
touch. Professor Givo an example.
My chum can feel his moustache, but no
ono can tee it.
Thoy have "Dolly Varden" chill in
Georgia. The sufferer turns all sorts of
colors, and is terribly bumped up.
When does rain beeomo too familiar
with a lady? When it bogins to patter
on the back.
"PooUl Who cares for Becohcr?"
says Fany Fern : 'I used lo go to school
lo his siBtcr."
"Smear mo ou the mouth," is the way
in which a Cleveland swaia a.k hi
hliuliing swuiiicts to kiss hiu.