Newspaper Page Text
rati
The Lincoln ounly Herald
runtisnni) every Wednesday
nv
. A EA I N AYANCK
yiMUIiK COPIES KIVI1 CUXT.il.
BIH4EIVI3 I.. SYIOI,
jlliHHonri,
l ILL attend to nil kinds of Dental work
' and (tuarnntco entire satlrfuctlgn. lion 111
visit tho different parts of tho county, itcvloui
notice of which visits will be given
TJS" Ofl'icc Front ruuui uvtr C. C. JlntisJcll's
Dout and bhoo btirc. j u 1 3 a 2 7
J.CiiiOODHIOIt. V. W. mniClllIAD
OOIHCK IIA. Itiltlilll VU,
vTroy, - - jVliMiiri.
DR. UIHK1IKAD will be In the office all tho
tlino. Dr. GOODRICH will only bo hero
'from tltno to tlmo, duo notleo of which wilt be
given, fins for tho t'AINLKSS extraction of
cctn udinlnlstored at nil tlmos by Dr. Birkbead.
''August 31, 1871 v(Jn2Sj-l
G. T. DUNN,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Xcw Hope. - - Ifltasoiiri.
Will practlco In tbo Courts nf tho Nineteenth
Judical Circuit. Special attontlon given to col
lectlng. v7nlGnifip
11. C. MAGRUDER,
ATT0KNUY AT LAW,
ni-nii-iif-), - Missouri.
Will prnctlro In tho Court of tho Nlncleon)h
Judicial District. v7n&
W. C. MtPARLAXD,
ATTOHNEY AT LAW,
Troy, - - iUifcxoiii'i.
Will practice In tho Courts of tho Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit, uud will givo special attention
to collections. Olfl,c Front room over J. H,
Knox's Hank. v7nlG
HAS. MAHTIX, Jr.,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Troy, - - illiotu-i.
Will practlco in all tho Courts of tho Nine
teenth Judicial Circuit. Special attention nWon
lo tli collci-timi of debts. vfiu.VJ
A. V. ll'hKi:. IIKMtY IJL'Kll.KV. K. X. l.OM-'Il.d.
M Ki;r QUIOLKY ii BONFILS.
ATT ORNEYS AT L W,
Troy, r - flaisMouri.
Will prHCticu in tho v.irioua CourU of this and
adjoining counties, special attention c;ivon to
ollectloin and matji-t, roUllnu; to re.il 'tato.
Office, nortlie;iV rumor Main and (.'Kerry
ilrtoK, just Ijilov; Lactcdu Hotel. ti30v7
J. B. A I.I, EN'. W. T. HAKEU.
Alluriirys-al-Law, Agents Stale and
Plioeulx lusitranrc (niianios,
antl (teal Kstatu Agruis.
T R o v, inisoviii.
JOSEPH B. ALLEN, Notary Public.
npr23- 72nl7
. W. WIlKSillsEBS-.
Attorney at Law and Notary Public,
im:v iiuru, no.
Will attend to any piofc-sionul tiu-ii.csx tn tho
Courts of Lincoln, Warren, i'ike nud Montgom
ery counties. fcp7'7lu;iHyl
1VM FRAZIUU. 0- W. C0I.I1KUT.
ricAXiRBt coi.iii.bkt,
Attorneys at Law & Ileal Estate Ag'ts,
troy, .mssouitt.
Will practlco In all the courts of tho Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit. .Special attention giton cu col
lections and to tbo salonud purchase audleaiine;
(jf real estate. Ahslraots of titlei, warranty
deeds, deeds of trust and mortgages uiado out
on short notico. Largo number of taluablo
farms for sale at low prices, fiif Office on Main
street in Ransdoll's building, up stain. v7nl l
AIi TON & CREECH,
Attorneys at Law & Ileal Estate Ag'ts,
TROY, MO.
Will practice In all tho Courts of tho Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit, and the Supremo Court of tho
iStuto. All business vntrustod to tholr caro will bo
promptly attended to.
Office over Dr. S. T. East's Drug stoio, Offieo
hours from 9 a in. to 4 p. m.
vo!8n2
LACLEDE HOTEL,
TROY, MO.
TJIOUNIIILL & BUSWELL, Propr's.
nIIIS Is a first-class hotol, furnished In good
X stylo and Its table supplied witli the host tho
market affords. Ktrangeis stopping in Troy will
find here all tho comforts. of homo.
.The TJAU Is stocked wl'h strictly prima Li
quors, such as Jlrandie, Whiskies, Wines, Ale,
flin, etci also tho finest braudi of Cigars,
apr25nI7
Adiniiiiftfrator'H Notice.
NOTICE Is hereby given that loiters of ad
ministration wore grantod to tW under-sij-acd
on the estate of Samuel Truolovo, deo'd,
ty tho Clerk of the Probato Court of Lincoln
ounty, Mo., on tbo 7th day of May, 1S72.
Persons having claims against laid ostato are
required to eihibit them to tbo ndmlnlvrator
within one year from tho dale of said letters, or
they may be precluded from any bono fit of said
estate and If not oxblbltei within two years
'from tho dato of said letters, they will bo forever
barred. lmS0n22 15. 0. SITTON. adia'r.
Aliiiiiii1rntor'M Notice.
NOTICE Is hereby given that letters of admin
istration wore grantod to tbo undorsignod
on tho estate of John 0. Il.iugh, dece sort, on
the 18th day of May, W2, by the Clerk nf the
Prolate Court of Lincoln couuty, Mlssouii
All persons having claims agalust said estate
are reriUlrod tO OZlllblt thnm tn llinnJ..ln!itt-lr
for alluwutioo within on year from thn dato of
'vuers, or Uiey may bo pruoluded f. nn aty
benefit of said eitato and .If not exhibited
within two years from Iho date of said lotters,
'they will be forever bnnod.
jMnil WILLIAM WHEULKR, adnVr.
$1
LINCOLN COUNT Y HERALD.
VOL. 7.
"h Wobm at the Bottom of It."
tFrom Wood's Household Magazine
"To ttll tho truth," tiid John Havi
land, oa ho threw his cwniog paper aside,
and fucud tho littlo group in tho parlor,
"I am faat Browiu;; tired of the loxt 'A
woman at tlia bottom f it.' It would
bo strango iu thi world, uiado up, as o
are awars, of nothing but tho iwo exc,
if a womau would uot ha found ooca
Eionally at the bottom ol a eerape. A
woman, mind jou, in never accustd of
bciog at tho Outturn of anything that ie
good I It it the injustice of tho thing
that makca me ntigry. Now there are
hundreds of ua poor fellows who owe all
wo have, all wo ore, uud all we hops to
become, in ibis world or tho next, to the"
unsolGah lovo of wemau."
Tho gentleman's face wai flushed and
he tipoko very warmly and freely, so
much so that his wifo, rocking hor baby
to "sleep in the further end of the room,
inquired :
"Hut what should you caro, John ? It
haa always bcou bo, and always will be.
We dont think much about it now, be
eauso wo havo been taught to expect it."
"But you should care ! nnd you should
fifiht for each other more than you do.
There is ono chapter in my lifo'n history
that I have always kept locked up in my
heart, but to night I feel na if it were tny
duty to open it for your inspection ; and
I do it fur love of woman fur thu l'jve
of ono woman who made mo what I am
worthy to be the huibaud ofu good
woman."
"Why John," interrupted Mrs. Havi
laud, softly approaching baby still held
tightly to her bosom "you absolutely
frighten me."
"Let s have your story, said the rest
of tho group, certain that something good
might bo anticipated: and John oom-
tuoucod, at firdt a littlo timidly, but gain
ing confidence as he advancod.
When I first came to New lork, at the
ago of tweuly years, to icuk my fortune,
1 can call myeoll a precocious chap, with
out danger of bciog accused of uu unu
sual degree of self appreciation, I was
quick to learn everything, tho bad as
well as tuo good, .uy employer used
profano languago I picked up the oath
he dropped which surprised oven mytclf.
Tho boys iu the office all chewed tobacco.
This was a little the hardest job I aver
attempted; but after two weeks of nausea
and indescribable stomach wrenchiogs, 1
cauio off victorious, and I could get away
with my paper a day with tho best of
them.
"Oh, John," interrupted Mrs. Ilavi
land, h'T pretty f'aoo all drawn up into
knots."
"Tru6, evory word of it," continuod
tho speaker.
"Ono afternoon I was sent with a noto
from my employer to a house in tho
uppor part of the city. I hadn't any
thing to road, but I had plenty of to
bacco, and with that I proposed to enter
tain myself during tho two or threo hours
that I must spend in the passago. For
borne distance I did not notice who ware
bobido mo, but by and by a lady said very
softly and vory pleasantly; 'Yould you
ploase, littlo boy, be mora careful ; I am
going to a parly this uftcrnoou, and I
should k.ito very much to have my dress
spoiled.'
I looked into her faco. It was tho
sweetest fuco I ever saw. . Pale, earnest
and loving ; to my boyish heart it was
the countenance ol an uugcl.
"What in tho world did you say?"
interrupted ilrs. Ilaviland, hor bright
0)03 filling with tears, as she saw how
tho memory of this beaurtfal woman af
fuoted hor husband.
"Say t There was very littlo I oould
lay. i flunk all 1 did tor tomo time
was to look. I managed to disposo of
the tobacco, however, and wiped my
mouth vory carefully, all of whioh I felt
certain she saw and mentally csumeated
upon."
'Ilava you n mother, little boy?" sho
asked, in the same low tones.
"No, ma'am," I answered, and I felt
my throat fill up, and I knew I must
swallow mighty fast to keep from
sobbing.
"You have a father then, I supposo ?"
she kept on.
"No, taa'am, ne father."
"Brothers and sisters ?"
"All alone, ma'am."
"llow long has your mother been
dead ?" and the dear woman looke'd away
from my faco and wailed till I oould
speak,
"Two years,' I answered.
"And you love her ?" came next.
"Dearly," was all I oould say.
Sho was silent for a moment, and she
said no sweetly oh I I shall never for
get it.
"And what do you think your dear
mother would say bow do you thiuk
sne would fool to know her littlo boy
was guilty of suoh a disgustiug habit as
this?" pointing to my cheek where the
tell tala cud hud vainly tried to stand its
ground,
"I must loave now," she cootiuued,
"but here is my card, and if you oan ootr.e
to me most every evening, I shall be
glad to seo you and porh&ps we can be
of servieo to caoh other."
She gavo mo her hand, and to my
dying day I bhall uever forget the itnua
tion of that moment. I could not boar t
part with hor; without hor I ?ou!d do
nothing with hor, I ceuld grocr to man's
estate a man in tho truest tense of th
word. From that iootnsat tobacco nuvor
passed my lips.
As'eoon as I could raustsir oouraf e, I
called upon tho lady. Well do I Miuom
bar how tnv heart beat as I willed in the
wIuiaDt Harlot for he to cotno down, and
hoffawkvarii 1 ielt as i loiiowsa my guiu
---d .i - - . r . ,. , 1.
t br prie eating . Hr &
TROY, MO., WEDNESDAY, JULY 31, 1872.
got at tho point of my life, and before I
budo her good byo it was arranged thul
I should &iond two evenings of each
Wook at hor house, uud study on these
occasions just what sho thought best.
No luvr looked forward to uieetiug
tho uii.trcs of his heart any mure ur
dently than I did tu those uvcuiuna with
my friend.
I grew mom careful of my personal
appearuueu careful of my conversation,
and strove in every way to bo worthy of
this noble friendship. Two years passed
in this delightful mauuer two years that
mado mo. My friend Dot only tended
to my studies, striving also all tho whilv
to sow the right kind of spiritual seed,
but she procured me u business situation
with a particular friend of hers, where 1
remain to this day. Nobody but God
knows what 1 owe this woman. During
the last threo mouths of these two years,
I noticed that she grew constantly pule
and thin; sho uever was betrayed iuto
speaking of herself. Sometimes when I
would ask her if sho felt worse than
usual, she would reply :
"Oh, no I I am only a littlo tired
that is all."
Ono evening she kept me by her sofa
tnuoli longer than was her custom, while
she arranged lessons, and laid out work
enough, it soemed to mo, to last mo
months.
"Why so much to night?" I inquired,
oontoious that my heart ached, and
vaguely suspecting tho cause.
"liecause, doir," sho auawered, "I do
not want you to come for tho next' week.
and I am anxious that you havo sufficient
work to anticipate, as woll as to keep you
busy. I think I can trust you to bo u
good hoy, John."
"I think you can, ma am, I auiwored,
almost sobbing.
"If I should see your mother, my dear
boy, before long, what shall I say to hor
for you?"
Then I knew all my grief knew no
bounds. It is no uso to go on. Sho
diod two days after : and when I heard
folks saying, 'There's n woman at tho
bottom of it,' I feel like telling them
what a woman did for tne.
Babies An Old Deliuiliou Verified.
A writer ("Zozimus") in an Knglish
magazine diucourteu as follows on u fa
miliar und humorous subject:
"liabies aro bundle of clothes with
yellow heads." Some mouths ago 1 re
ceived a letter from the lloyal Gcograph
ical society, informing me that this defi
nition was inaccurate, as in tropical cli
mates babies had black faces and were
frequently found without any clotheB
worth speaking of, 'i bis I don't baliova,
I havo often ten black men ntSt. James'
Hall and olsewhorc, hut who ever saw a
black baby? I wrote buck, saying that
it' Dr. Livingslonu, when he camo homo,
brought among his rpecmins of insects
any black babies, I should havo great
pleaauro in inspecting them and giving
him a certificate, that is, provided they
didn't provo stuffed teals or largo cock
roaches. There are a great numbur of
babies in the world. Most of them are,
howavor, kept out ol' sight in cradles, hen
ooops, uttios and old clothes baskets. A
man onec told me that tho reason of this
was because, if they woro alluwod to
crawl about the streets or parks, uo ouo
could stir out for fear of walking on them
or tripping over them, iu cither of which
cases tho poaplo so doing would be pros
ecuted by our friend Lathbury. It was
onoo proposed by a vory clever Irishman
to try all the babioj found ut largo by
the treason fclouy uot ; but, as all British
subjects ate entitled to bo tried by a jury
of their peers, uud as babies can never
bo depended on to keop their oaths, the
idea had to he abandoned. Babies aro
uearly all tho same size. When they are
vory small they aro called infants, and
fed on butter and brown sugar and tur
pentine. Sometimes tho turpantino risen
to their head, and they behave in thu
most outrageous manner. I onco saw an
infant who had drank too much turpen
tinu, on a pillow en tho ground nnd yell
ing with all its might at a moat respecta
ble looking old lady, who was tho in
fant's giand uunt, and bad a lot of money
iu the fuuds: "Whenever the graod aunt
pointed her finger at the infant it yelled
loudor than ever, and tried to bite tho
finger. Tho grand aunt left the house,
and settled all hor money on an institu
tion for elderly unmarried womon. Tho
education of babios is generally in a vory
backward state ; indeed, they do not
seem lo know much of the English lan
guage beyond tho words "papa," mamma,"
"me," ' go," "by." Their attempts at
French are even worse ; they are contin
ually using such low Fronoh as "ajou,"
"baba," and "by by." A man once told
mo thtre can bo no doubt that babies aro
descended from niggers, for thoy always
say "mo" for "I."
Babies do not differ much in temper,
size, uud disposition. They are violont,
about tho size of a pillow, and covetous,
i oooe saw a baby with a cork screw, a
pair of tongs, a hand bell, and a broken
hearth brush, and nothing oould induce
it to part from any of them, although it
had got the corksarow half way into its
car and the handle of the hearth brush
altogether down its throat. When you
como near a baby it stretches out its
bunds and clutches hold of your ucdktio
This is, the mother tells you, a mark of
high favor, and a sign that trie baity
want to kiss you. When you atoop
forwcjA to kits tho creature hsoizes you
Uy tho hair, and everyone but you laughs,
nnd says vhat a pigcious baby it is.
When you sit down you ere aided to
liold tlie baby. You take it in your
erms and place it on yous kneo. Xmmo
diotely it oatohes hoU ef your collet an
wis e tavd wji on ffoui Wet tsowsr
with ite dirty boot. If you don't al
low it, the mother 1.15 s : "Oh, do. Mr.
So'Snd so, let him stand up ; ho l quito
i . i. i , 1
uunguicu ui naving uiscovcrcu lie can
stand, and it won't hurt him." It iheu
luY hold of your shirt studs, and shoots
out bis finger st your eye, und drives a
hand sticky with wet sugar into thu
bosom of your shirt. Not unfrcrjucntly
it behuves iu n manner so luconsiderato
tli at description is impossible. This
makes you wish to put it down and
stamp on it witli your right foot.
Babies, like dogs, are not found wild in
any country. Thoy aro always to bo
found in the vicinity of mankind. They
aro usually the companions of women.
Iu tbo savage countries when tho in on aro
out hunting tigers with their horses and
dogs, the women amuse themselves with
feeding babies and wushing scalps and
drying beof in the sun ; iu civilized
oouutries when tho men are out shooting
pigeons or hunting haros with thoir dogs,
tho womon look at the babies and sit
down until their hair grows down to
thoir feet, put on tight dresses, and learn
the natnos of their children, if they havo
time aftor coming in from sreing their
friends. Tho most singular thing about
babies is that each one is larger and finer
thau any ono which has ever been suou
before. Tho first thing a woman does
when sho takes a baby in her hands is" to
hold it at arm's length and say, "Oh,
dear I" or "Oh, my goodness I" or Bomo
other paworful words. "What a fine
littlo fellow, and only sovon months old,
tool Why, Mrs. So and so's baby in ten
months old, uud this little fellow is twieo
his weight. Upon my word, Mrs. So
und so, 1 havo seen many n baby, but
this is tho finest." Mrs. So nud so
smiles and takes the baby, and shows
how it can vory nearly stand whon it is
hold up under the arms and has its hack
againtt tho leg of a sofa. A man onco
told rue that men were descended from
babi)t. What Mr. Darwin said about
monkeys was had enough, but this is
really carrying matters too far.
The King's Mistake.
A number of politicians, all of whom
were seeking ofiico under the Govern
ment, were ecatod under u tavern porch,
when an old toper naraod Joul D , a
person who was vory loquacious whon
cornod, but exactly opposite when sober,
said that ho would toll them a story
Thoy told him tn "firo uway," whoroupou
ha spoko as follows :
"A certain King I don't rocolleet his
uatue had a philosopher unou whose
judgment he always dupeuded. Now it
Happened ono day that tho King took it
into his head to go hunting, und sum
moned his nobles, aud muking tho ueo
oasary preparations, ho summoned the
pliilojophor and risked him if it would
rain. Tho philosopher teld him it would
not, nnd thoy started. Whilo journey
ing along, they met a oouutryman
mountod on a jackass.
"He advised thom to return, 'for,' said
he, 'it will certainly rain.' They eiuilod
contemptuously upou him, and thou
passed on. Before thoy hud gone many
uiiles, howover, they had reason tn ragrot
not having taken tho rustic's advice, as a
shower coming up dronohed thum to tho
skin. When they hud returned to the
place, tho King reprimanded tho philos
opher severely.
"'I met a countryman,' said ho, 'and
ho knows a great dual more than you.
He told me it would rain, whore is you
told me it would uot.' Tho Kin,' than
'.ive him his walking papers and tout for
the countryman, who soon made his ap
pearance.
" ' Tell me, said tho King, how you
knew tt would rain.1
''I didn't know,' said the rustio; 'ray
jackass told me so.'
"'Aud how, pray, did ke tell you?'
asked the King,
"'By prioking up his ears, your Muj
sty,' said tho rustic.
"Tho King sent the rustio away, and
procuring tho jackass of him, ho placed
him the jaokass in tbo ofiico tho phil
osophor filled.
"And hare," observed Joel, looking
very wise, "is where tho King made a
great mistake,"
"How so?" inquired tho auditors.
"Why, eversinco that time," said Joel,
with a grin on his phiz, "every jackass
wants office."
Mr. Lincoln's first cabinet consisted of
Messrs. Seward, Chose, Cutnerou, Wolles,
It I air, Smith and Batos. The two last
named aro (load. Cameron is for Grant.
Chaso, Wollos and Blair aro for Greeley.
Whero stands Gov. Seward ? Whon Mr.
Lincoln first becatn, president there were
thirty ono Uopublicans in tho senate.
Of those senators six aro dead, thirteen
are for Grunt, lei for Greeley, and of the
opinions of tho remaining two wo havo
as yet no oertaiu information. Wo rofor
to Mr. Harris of Now York and Mr,
Clark of New Hampshire Nevertheless
wo ure told that tho Republican party is
almost a unit for Grant. Do not faots
like tho above flatly contradict this im
pudent assertion? Fulton Telegraph.
At an infant Sunday school the teacher
gave trie Bibla story of tho "l'rodiutl
Son," When he came to tho plaos whero
the poor, rugged son roached hia former
homo, and his father sa him "great
way off," he inquired what hie father
probably did. Ono of tho smallest boys,
with last elonoiied, said "l amino, but
deBsay ha set the dog on htm."
1 hero is man down Kast, a sathor
facetious fellow, whose pane is'Ne
He named tho first ohild Something ; U
was Something New. Tho next otail tas
HeUneg; it Uing Noting N,w.
NO. 31.
Tho Old Guard.
Prom tho St. Louis Dispatch.
A few of tho Old Guard of trie Po
mucrauy aro est ill declaring that their
"foot is on their native heath and their
name's Mieawber ;" that they will never,
no, never, vote forGteeloy; they will
never stultify themselves by supporting u
life long abolitionist, end Ihe natural
enemy of all their tribe. Wliito man is
uncertain ubout these times, and tLiugs
are very much checkered. Wo aro of
the opinion that, if not badgered too
much, they will full iu
"Cavalier, gentleman, omy one;"
And if thoy don't who cares? Thoso
Democrats who won't vote (or Greelev
and can't vote for Grant are of littlo con
sequence in this fight, and this fsct they
will very eoon discover. Working side
by eido with their old friends for Gree
ley, they are of some importance, but hs
against Grcelay, and left out in the wot.
iboy will discover, when it is too late,
that they havo committed tho unpardon
able blunder of their lives, and done
nothing t&ore nor less than cut off thoir
noius to spite themsolves. .
Lot thom think of their falscposition,
and imitate the example of Mr. Voorhees,
the New York World, and other Dem
ocrats and Demooratio proseos who stood
out against Grcoley and Brown, and who,
now that tho Domocrats of the Nation
have adopted them, havo accepted that
dccision.ua a Quality, and have come over
to their support, not ungruduiuely we
admit, but that they have been forced
over by the people, and with them in due
courso of titno, will come ovor all those
who huve been led uway by them. In
this connection a good thing is told of
Voorheos, which will answer to cloio
with.
A gentL-man in this city cent word to
Voorheos that "all his old friends were
gatting into tbo Grceloy boat; that he
was too good a follow to leavo behind,
and ho had better como along too, before
the boat shoved off," Voorhees received
tho message, and sent this back. He
was pretty much in the condition, he
wroto, of tho boy at eamp meeting,
where noarly all tho people had gone for
ward on tho anxious benches, und he was
loft blooming alone. At last tho minis
ter saw him and camo up.
" Jjy young brother," said the preacher.
"why do you sit hero alone? why not
como to glory ?"
"All them gals coin to trlory asked
tho boy.
"Straight as a shinelo," said the
prcaohor.
"Wo switcutn off, nor nottun ? '
"Through by daylight," answered tho
minister.
"Well, Parson," said tho buy. "if all
them gals is r.-coin' to L'lory. I don't
cc as it's much use o' me a wliittlin' here
by my sol I'; guess I might jest as well
go 'long too."
And that is what wo cay to tho sore
heads who are sitting oil nlone. You
had bettor como along like tho tall Syca
more ot the Wabash. If ko can take
Greeley you oan.
Josh Billings Outdone Childhood
is otten humorous without being con
bciou3 oi tno taot. Artemus Ward or
Tosh Billings naver wroto auythiug of
tho fuuuy order equal to the following
composition of a littlo boy in tho Bishop
ocott urammar school, i'ortlami, Uro-
gon, whioh we nud printed vtrbutmi cl
literatim iu tho aew York Ledger :
OXEN.
Oxen is a vsry slow animal. They are
very good to brake up ground.
I would rather buvo horses if thoy
didn't havo colio which thoy say is
wind collected in a hunch. Whioh
mikes it dangcreier to keep horses than
'oxen.
If thoir woro no horses people wood
huvo to whoal their wood in a whcalbar
row, It would tako thorn two or threo
days to wheal a cord a mile.
Cows aro useful to. I heard sorno
people say that if they had to bo a ox or
a cow thoy wood sooner bs a oow, but I
think when it como to bo milked on a
cold winter morning I think they wood
sooner be oxen, for oion don't have to
raise calves If I had to be a ox or a
oow I wood bo a holier, but if I could
not bo a heifer and had to be both I wood
be a ox.
"I'm afraid I'm sitting on your crino
line, ma'am." "Oh I never mind, sir it's
of no oousequense ; yoa can't hurt it."
"No, ma'am, it's uot that; but tho con
founded thiug hurts tuu."
Tho Eastern papers publish the follow
ing note from uu unhappy widower to an
undertaker: "Sur my Wiufjsded and
Wonts to bo berried tormoirar, at woucr
klok. U nosu wair to dig the Hole bi
the Biad Of my too Tther wisfi Ltt it
be deep I"
Mistress- (to the new housemaid)
"jane, i m quite surprised to uoar vou
can t rosu or write, i m, sure one of my
daugbtors would gladly uudertako to
teaoh you." Maid "O, Lor, mum, if the
young ladies would be so kind as to lorun
me anything, I should like to olay the
fiioonei'.
st Nashiillo young lady has three odu
catcd oats ono whioh, when the door-tell
rings, rusher to the room of its mistress
and indulgos iu. various joyous gymnas
tics ; unotpor wakes us mistros t ten
preeiseily, and, blexstd croature, allows
no on to urousc her before that hour ;
ho also ao4 to his mistress when a
caller arrives, end bites'ber if a lady bat
coma, and aiews loudly if a gontloman
lint preseutod kiftself ; the third, cat
4ilu-tJ the fiiiuw, and HU catch rats
and tyicej
TERMS Ol' AI)Vi:HTIHINC.
Ono 6quaro(in llncs)orlcit, ono Insertion. ..$1 SO
I'noh additional Insertion 7ft
Administrators' Notltos 00
Final Settlement Notices 3 00
Stray Notices (single stray) 3 00
Bach additional stray In same nollcc 1 00
f.iT A Liberal Doductlon will be mado to
yoarly advertisers.
"Charlie, what makes your cheeks so
rod?" askod his sistor's admirer of a
little urchin five years old. "Causa i put
soma nf sister's paint ou, She puts it
ou every day." It was nn embarrnaing
disclosure all around ; at toast Charlie
thought ho after tbo visitor had gone.
A noted wag iu a Western colleuo ono
morning read a thomo of unusual merit.
Ihe I resident bciuir suspicious risked
pointedly if it wss oriuiual. "Why, yes,
sir, was the roply, "it had original over
it in the paper I took it from,"
The wife of Disraeli is said lo be on
the point of death. Sho is au able, am
bitious woman, and has always been her
husband's most efficient ally. Of her
unflinching zoal in this, there is a curious
story oxtunt. When Disraeli wis Prime
Minister ho had a vory important speech
to mako, which would jorhapi decide the
fale of the Ministry. After a roitless,
troubled day of preparation, he entered
hie carriage with his wife, accidentally
olosed the door on her hand, noarly
crushing two fingers to the bono. She
bore the pain quietly, resolved that ho
should not be diverted from his groat
aim by any thought or fear concerning
her; talked of his speech during the
long r'ulo to the houses of Parliament,
bade him good-by with a smile, aud
fainted. When ho came home trium
phant be learned for the first time of bu
wife's hurt and horoism.
Didn't Like Mutton. A good story
is told of tho recent excellent perform
unco of Handel's "Messiah" at the
Broodwyy Baptist Church. A farmer
took his wifo to hear the grand musio, to
splendidly rendered uu that occasion,
and after listening with apparent enjoy
ment, the pair became suddenly inter-
ostcd in oso of tho grand choruses :
"We all like t-heep havo gone astray."
First, a sharp soprano voice exclaimed :
"Wo all, like sheep
Next a deep bass voico utterod, in the
ptuost earnest tones :
"Wo all, liko shoep "
Then all tho singers at enco asserted :
"Wo all, liko sheep"
"Darned if I do I" exclaimed old rus-
ticus to his partnor. "I liko beef and
bicon, but I can't boar sheep meat I"
there was an audiblo titter in that
vicinity, but tho splendid musio attracted
attentiou from thu pair and they quietly
slipped out Louisville Courier.
Appearances Deceptive. Speaking
of temperance roformors, some one tells a
good story ef ono of tho most ardent ef
thum a person whose whole heart was
iu tho work to such an oxtent that be
hadn't time to mend his fences or tako
care of his farm.
A distiugushoJ temperance lecturer
was to address the citizens in tho towu
ttheru tho reformer lived, and the lattor
took it upon himself to meet him at the
station, and take him hemo with him to
entertain him. The lecturer was talka
tive, and full of "the cause."
"There, now," said ho, as he drovo by
a bandsomo farm hooso, "anybody can see
at onoe that a temperance man lives
thero. Everything indicates it ; there'e
thrilt, nnd industry, and contentment,
and no doubt a happy bomo there. Isn't
itso?"
"Yes," was the reply ; "Squiro is a
temperance man and has a very pleasant
bomo and family."
"I was certain of It," said the lecturer.
"Hut hers is 4 place," he oontinued, as
thoy came to an old house with a dilapi
dated fence and a neglected appearsnoe,
"that you'd piek out anywhere ae the
house of a drunkard see the old hats in
the windowa, and tho broken fonoee, and
the negleoted appearance everything has
you oan t make a mistake about euob
a placo it sticks out all over that it it
the bomo or a sot.
He was about to appeal to his enter
tainer for the truth of his surmises when
that gentleman pulled rein, and turning
tho team up the nogleeted fence, re
marked, with something of a sigh, "I
live bore.
Sale or a Wife in Enqland. The
Pall Mall Gazette recently repeted the
faot that a man at Exeter had sold his
wifo for 50. At the Exeter police
court on tho 20th ult.the wife, a smartly
dressed woman, applied for a summons
agaiont her husband. for rofusing to main
tain his children, ho having that morn,
ing turned them out of doors. She had
also been throatoned by him, and she was
atratd be would do her some harm,
Aftor somo further eonversatiou it camo
out that tho complainant und her hue
baud separated some timo since, ho coll
ing hor to anethor man for X'OO, and
agrcoing to take tw of tbo ohildren and
she the rest. Since, however, be bad
sold ber he dad followed her about and
abused her, and .annoyed her in various
ways, and now he had turned the chil
dren ho promised to support out of doors,
and told bet to keep the lot. In answer
to iho bench as to bow sho supported her
self, she said she teceived money from
the man to 'whom she was sold. The
leuch said they could not help her, tho
must apply t th Corporation of the
Poor for relief; they would summon her
ttusbaud. Sho had brought this upon
herself. Sho had conseuted to bo sold,
and thereforo oould not expect to have
any peace, Tbey thought it was a ilia-
graceiul oas aud tout she did not do
serve any protection. If hor 'husband
threatened he violently or aiiaultcd her,
thou they would grant htr a summons.
Tho applicant then thanked the tend.,
aud loft the eourt.
