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TERMS OP AD VCR TIRING
TIjo Lincoln County Herald
PUBLISHED EVERY WEDNESDAY
yilEO. I. FISELEIl,
LINCOLN COUNTY HERALD,
One Square (10 lines)or less, one Insertion. ..$1 M
Each additional Insertion. u 7
Administrators' Notice 3 On
Final Settlement Notice 3 OA
Stray Notices (single stray) 3 (10
$1.00 A YEAR IN ADVANCE.
HINCJMJ COPIES FIVE CENTS. "
Kach additional stray In samt notice. 1 00
A Liberal Deduction will be made t
TROY, MO., WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 26, 1873-
E. Lj SYDIVOIl,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Will visit the various towns in the county from
time t tlmr, due notice of which will bo given.
G T. DUNN,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
(Vcw Doiie, - - Missouri
Will practico in the Court f the Nineteenth
Judical Circuit. Special attontion given to col
R. C. M AGR UDER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
tap-ati-Cai'is, - Missouri.
Will practice In the Court, of the Nineteenth
Judicial District. v7ni
W. C. McFARLANDj
ATTORNEY AT WW,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Will practice in the Court, of the Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit, and will g'vo special attention
to coilcctlnn,. ODlio Front room over J. K.
Knox's Hank. v7nI6
CIIAS. MARTIN, Jr.,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Will practico in all the Court, of the Nine
teenth Judicial Circuit. Special attention given
to the collection of debtt. vBn3
A LITTLE TRUTH AND A LITTLE
BY MRS, EMILY R, SWANDER.
A. V. McKEE. E. N. DOXFILS.
McKLtiE & ItOIW li,S,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Will practice In the various Court, of this and
adjoining counties. Special attention given to
collections and matters rcUting to real estate
.0 Office, northeast corner Main and Cherry
itrcets, just below Laclede Hotel. Ii30v7
J. B. ALLES; W. T. BAKER.
ALLEX & RAKER,
AUorueys-al-Law, Agents State and
Phoenix Insurance Companies
and Real Estate Agents,
JOSEPH B. ALLEN, Notary Public.
R. W. WHEELER
Attorney at Law and Notary Public,
wis w hope, mo.
AV jit attrnd to any profcslonal husli.es in tlio
Courts of Lincoln, Wurrcn, l'iko and Montgom
ery counties. aeprjlnJiiyl
WM FHAZIKK. (1 COLBEHT
lIMZJEIt & COLBUllT,
Attorneys at Law Si Real Estate Ag'ts,
Will practice In all the courts of the Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit. Special attention given co col
lections and to the sale and purchase and leasing
of real estate. Abstracts of titles, warranty
deeds, deeds of trust and mortgages made out
on abort notice. I..U20 number or valuable
farms for sale at low prices. V Oflico on Main
street in Itansdell building, up stairs. v7n!4
WALTON & CREECH,
Attorneys at Law Si Real Estate Ag'ts,
Will nractiee In all the llourts of the Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit, and the Supremo Court of the
State. All business entrusted to their caro will be
iromotly attended to.
Office over Dr. S. T. East's Drug stoic. Office.
hours from 9 a' in. to 4 p. ui.
NEW HOPE, MO.,
Have rcuiovid to the Ira ,T. Nelson house,
and are now receiving a
NEW STOCK OF GOODS,
and are determined
NOT TO BE UNDERSOLD
They expect to keep up their reputation for
GIVING THE BEST PRICES
September 25, 1872.
The OUIDE lit now tmhllshed quarterly. 25
Cent! pays for the year, four numbers, which
Is not half the cost. Those who afterwards send
money to the amount of One Dollar or more for
Betas may also order za cenis worm exira iw
nrlflennlil for the flutde.
The January number is beautiful, giving p'ani
lor making uural nomes, uesignsior uiuiug
ble Decorations. Window Oardens. if-i) aad con
taining a mass of information invaluable to the
lover or flowers. Oae Hundred ana ruiy pages,
on One tinted nanar. some Five Hundred Engra
vings and a superb Colore Plate an Chromo
Cotu. h r.t vitiltnn nf Two Hundred Thou
sand Jmt printed ip English aad Oermaa, and
JAMES VICK, Rochester, K. Y
BIRKHEAD & THORNHIL!
Still have their. Livery Stables on Cherry st,
the sign at tbe brick livery stable on Main street
to tbe contrary nothwlthstanding. The original
Laclede Stables, by the above proprietors, awe
they have always been, a few doors east or
Wlthrow'a raddlo ,hop, where tbe proprietors
Will always be pleased to seo tbclr frlendii
Buggies, horses and wagons to bire( ilolics
Sans further ceremony, the ex cook
departed in her own conveyance, promis
ing to send them a speedy explanation,
that arrived early next day,
A little less than throe years ago, there
"Hear me, Minna ; you shall. I will lived in a beautiful villa on the Hhino, a
not oe iriuea wiin any longer." happy German family, consisting of
-iou Bureiy wouiu noi accuso me ol lather, mother, and two daughters, the
inning , i nave simply avoided you youngest not Mxtcn, myself, and sister
because your addresses aro distasteful two years older. Our too indulgent
to do- , i parents loved us too dearly to send us, aa
"Oh I Minna 1" is generally the custom, to some estab-
Ouly two words; but his manner lishment for the education of girls. We
spoke such volumes of reproach, as he bad teachers at borne, we were taught
turned to leave her, that sbo was touched music, languages and everything to Gt us
nnu quicmy graspeu nis arm io prevent tor tbe society in whicli we moved. At
bis departure, saying earnestly, "No, not tho samo time, my good mother was one
distasteful, Mr. Sarle, but out of place, of those practical and sensitle German
You aro utterly ignorant regarding my- ladles that does not consider- any girl
self or connections. You are a gcntlo- educated unless housewifery is one of her
man of wealth aud position, whito I am, accomplishments. We wero permitted
aa you see, a poor (one woman, without to choose that cart wliicih suited us best
friends; earning my daily bread and while quite young. I, you can imagine,
sooner, oy coosing mo victuals ior your spent many hours out or regular study
lady mother and ber most respectable with tho head cook of our family, taking
family.' dolight in.cvcrv new invention for the
"And yet, Minna, 1 want you Tor my palate and often preparing sorao delicate
le. You have education olid refine- dish to eurtirise the good mother. Thus
meet, and bow you come to oecupy so you see, 1 learned tho art of "finding a
ngulur a position is certainly puzzling ; man's bcort through his stomach." but
ut I feel assured you havo chosen it never dreaming that necessity would
from no mean motive. I do not desire mako use of the knowledge We had a
to pry into the secret ; I do want to raiso teacher of French who visited tho house
ou out of it, and place you whore your twico a week. He was a vouug man of
heart and mind will bo at borne." decided beauty and loveablo manners;
1-or answer she hid her tace in her at least tho susceptible girl of sixteen
ands and Bobbed bitterly, while be en- thought him bo: in Bhort, be won my
ileavorcd to soothe her with all the en- futicv. I will not say my heart, for what
dearing names at ins command. child of sixteen, brought up as 1 had
"I do not doubt your good intentions, been, knew tLo value of such a posses
Mr. Sarle, and yet, would you take ad sioc ? I knew that my parents were
vantage of your mother's absence to make sensible, and would not make me unhappy
lovo to her cook, as a compliment to me I by refusing lo let me marry a poor man,
1 cannot view it as nucb, however; you and of course I expected ihcm to view
may not believe a person in my position him with my eyes and say he was good
capable of propriety scruples." brave and a Gt match for mo.
"You aro talking like a woman now, The nobility of his character appeared
your words como only Irom tLo tonguo. in keeping out of my lather s way and
I i- ..II l - I I - J A.
.our neurit) icu vuu wuuu a uiuu iuvcs leaving me io proposo uis -irsirea,
ou as purely aud houcstly as I do you, that time I did not consider this at all
hu does tiot stop to question 'proper out of the way, and in romantic fervor
ours,' especially when the occasions arc appealed to my parents to rcceivo my
so raro thut are blessed with your prcs- lover as their son. They understood the
enco.when I can see you." cowardly creature, and endeavored to
Ulil what a pretty speech; that is make mo see his unmanly conduct; but
oo much for the cook's head to bear, wilfully blind, I cast myself into his
I fear if I do not leave you on the in arms when next we met, determined to
stunt, Bour'mumos will reason the com- leave mother and home for his sake.
plur.ont fcr your to morrow s breauiust Girl like, his acceptance only proved
Good night." how devotedly he loved me, and ( packed
"Not bo fast, you aggravating, but cverythmg ut value 1 possessed and leli
charming creature," said he, holding her homo one dark night to meet him and
by the band, compelling tier to look at become bis wile. We were married and
un, by the magnetism ot bis earnestness sailed tor America immediately. My
ud fervor. husband requested mo to send my certiu
Drop this bantering, Minna, shine cate and the address of some New York
our truo self once more, like tho sweet II otel to mv father before we left. This
woman that lightened and brightened the I did, alto a tear blotted letter, begging
sick room during those weary weeks ol them to write me, aud relieve my heart
my sufferings. Ah, Minna, while mother of the reproach it deserved lor this step
was dozing in ber big chair, and you without their sanction.
were reading lo me, I was reading an- I was as happy during tho trip to New
titer far more interesting, and studying Yoik as my conscience and tbe loving
the beauties tbat flashed around your attentions of my husband permitted.
assumco character, and proved you to me Expecting to hear soon alter my arrival
gem that 1 longed to possess ; tell me, I smothered tho homesickness that ol
Minna, did your heart remain untouched, course would come. Being left alone so
id no tenderness lor tbe sufferer help much amidst the hum ol a thousan
you to bear the vigils that mudo you tbe voices, and not one familiar lace in
dearest woman on earth me I great hotel, my husband ubr.cnt, seeking
"Ufcourso 1 felt very sorry for you." aa he told me, some remunerative out-
"He-ally I how good of you ; probably ploymcnt, I did question, in the silence
you would have condescended as much of my heavy heart, what hhouia detail
lor a dog, had he been brought to you him into latu hours ol the night wnii
with a broken leg. Good night." the days were so long, so very long to poor
Ho patient a little longer, Mr. carle, solitary me
nd the time may come when wo can Two months went slowly by, and no
meet as friend", and your society will not news from home, when one evening m
pUco me in a doubtful light thou!d husband came to me in a state bordering
others see us together. The necessity on madness, wild with drink, no longer
for labor is past but enough for this cloaking bis natural self, for purposes
evening; retire now, and believe roe, known only to lum.
when I tell you, wero it not far your "Write to yourjd n Dutch relation
good opinion, and to show you how sin and mako them disgorge seme ot the
cerclv I appreciate your noble heart, 1 money, for I am not going to suppor
should ere this have gone as 1 camo. vou I Hi words wero spiced witu
J he next day mother and son wero oaths and adjectives thut were like whip
holding an animated conversation, where- Ushes to my soul. They drovo youth
in Minna's name end merits were dis and love out of my childish nature, an
cussed, Madam Publio opinion as usual, developed a defiant womanhood, scarcely
adding her weighty influence in favor ot sate lor my ignorance
tho mother. hat shall i do t stay with tins moo
"My Bon, what will poople Bay; youUter of cruelty until I could hear from
cannot have it in your heart to'humili- home? Oh I God, no I ltather end my
ate me so. If she is of good family, why hfi at once and be at rest.
does she not teach? Who with any I bad made a friend of the house
pride or e&lf respect would degrado her- keeper ; that is, she hud frequently been
self to the nosition of a cook?'' I in my room while I was not well when
. . . .i - ...... . . ,
Just then an elegant private carriage we brst came to tne notei. i went to ner
stopped before tbe door. Two ladies and told her my situation ; she ndvised
aud an old ucntleman alighted. mo to remain quiet, my husband wou
Mav 1 bring them in here t they wake up tilled with remorse, tor nis con
seem bo bo genteel; I do not want to duet had been a little excited with wine,
take them in tho dining room ; tney eto , etc.
want Minna," she added hesitatingly. Oh 1 I felt the truth of his words ; he
"In here, and call Minna," commanded was tired ol me, it was not i ,io wanted
Mr. 8arle, before the frowning mother unless money kept the charm over him.
could reply, "ut wnat coulJ I do without money or
. - , ..Jr.! i. ......
3 ur inured expressions ot enaearmeni ; menus eu uucuj a airuugcr iu u muuo
German pet names and kisses fell on the land, I went buck to the man that I had
tearful girl, while mother and son looked learned to tcorn in a little ehort hour,
on in silent astonishmont ani enjoyed but he did not consider it worthy t word
the ecene with sympathetic eyes. "Ob I ol regret. I was silent ; ue became
Mrs. Sarle, they have come, my dear brutal, when one day I found torn
ones ! and I hold mw loved mother again letter itia be had oarelessly dropped
to my heart, ani y father am! my was irom my uear lamer. ue pur-
sister. Oh t God I I fcol too happf after Itlou still readable proved inac ne na i
crushing the hungry longing of my heart sent a cnecx on some oaRKiormy oenem,
so long, Mr. Sarle," said she blushing and urging mo to come homo ; if I needed
through her tears as thi looked at him. more money to write, with expressions of
"My parents cannot thank you in your warmest love and regret for my til
tonguo and language, but their daughter health ; also eipressed a desire to hear
. P a . .1 t a. sTna ana en ffit til IA Kn m tr llllat.
will bear you in her soul to toe muss mvcuv in.m .j
Hih. io gratitudo for having found one hand was a villein out tod out. He had
man thit is worthy of bearing tbe oam wriuen to my parents, received money,
at it should be borne." nd yet let me wear my heart out ,n
"You must dispense with aour cook longiiigs for one dear word from tbem.
this .At v dav. Mrs Ssrlo : had I known One whole year this- mar. had thus de-
mv dear ones would havo been here so ceived mo ; do you wonde tbat my na
soon, I should have given proper botice
My education had been too superficial
be of any use to me now; true, 1
igbt becomo a nursery governess, but
hat I wanted was employment iromo-
iately aitive work. I was fortunate ;
the good housekeeper gave mo a letter to
er sietor here in Indiana, in your vil
go, with tho advice: "J here you can
ve, and after a timo become frro from
.e persecutions of your husband.
Uh, if 1 could once more return to my
oved ones, frco to forget, I should in
deed bo happier than I deserved. I
roto homo telling them 1 was going
West with friends ; I was not in need
he sale of my watch and trinkets was
sufficient lo defray my expenses here, aud
then to work.
I came, was kindly received, and soon
ftcr was engaged with your mother, as
cook. Tho first news I had from home
old mo of their troubles. My father
tad meddled with polit.es, and our home
ad becomo an unsafe shelter, they
ere about to sail for America, aud
waited but for news from me.
I wrote without delay, and tho result
was, tho best of pareuts have sold all
their possessions iu the old country, aud
arc now settled in this beautiful village.
My fathers agent bought Judge Nel
son s lovely place, where 1 anxiously
await a greeting from thee and thine.
"Married 1" Mr. Sarle, seemed to feel
that this one word was more powerful to
keep them apart than time or distuuee.
Uh, why did she not toll me, lor 1
ovc her, mother. I feel as if life had
not ono gift to mako it valuable now."
she will not have any dimculty in
freeing herself from the man, and then if
he is so necessary lo your happiness,
you can renew your proposal.
".Marry a divorced woman I
"And why not, mr son? Their ua
turcs were divorced by a law higher than
human, God never sanctioned so un
suitable a marriage ; and it wero a crime
to force tho least tilamable of the two
mistaken ones to wear tho chains, nor
hould it exile her from tbe affections
that beautify woman's nature, or con
demn her to a loveless existence.
"Tig nut tbe divorce itself I look at;
but tho thought thut another man lives
hit once claimed the sumo relation to
my wife, would almost drivo me to put a
ball through his bruin if I should ever
Not at all probable that you will over
be put to tho lest.
1 will see ber once more, iou will
go with me, dear n other, and if she does
care fur me, I shall wait and help lo tree
her and then
Judgn Nelson's place, now tho borne
of. Minna, wjb the most comfortable and
elegant mansion in ft, and there, attired
n rich but quiet siyle. her blondo beauty
enhanced by her surroundings, Minna
received her guests.
There is no hospitality so liberal ns tb
German, and Minna'N fuihor, Ilerr Von
bardeau, entertained the numerous lami
lies that flocked to welcome him as a
desirable addition to B souiety, in
right hearty style. Tho romantio story
of the ex cook only added to tho admira
tion Minna created, but ber sly prelcr
ence for Mr. Sarle convinced him thut b
might somo day claim her.
"Minna, havo you taken no steps to
wards your freedom ?" he asked ber one
day a they wandered through theexlen
sivo grounds around her homo. "You
tell me nothing and still you must sec
that I am all impatience I
I urn divorced ; do you think-1 would
permit myself the happiness of your daily
society as tho wile ot another I U
should I admit tho mockery ol crape ove
the hebrt that can but rejoice over it
freedom ? Tho man is dead. 1 can say
it calmly aud without feeling, for his
vices led him lo his death, in the haunts
whore congenial spirits charmed him.
Tho creaturo that rccoived my father'
money was also the cause of robbing bim
of life "
Phalli tell the reader mnro ? Those
who have not experienced tho sweetest
moments of life, tho consummation of the
rights of true love, havo not lived at ull.
Pelrlflci.ioB of liunati Bodirs
Id the old Cathedral church at Bre
men is a vault, tho atmosphere of whioh
possesses tho peculiar property of pre
serving from decay all bodies that may
be placed therein.
Visitors are mi own eight human bo
ics. besides a number of cats, dogs,
monkies, birds, &o , all of which by mere
exposuro to this atmosphere, have bo
come dried and free from any offensive
filuviu, resembling in appearance coarso
The body nearest the door is that of
an English Major, raid to have lain here
ne hundred years.
Tho second, that of a German student,
who lost his, life in a duel. The hard
ry flesh still shows the sabre wounds on
his throat and arm. His body has been
here one hundred and seventy years.
1 he third, that of a bwecdish counters,
whoso body has remained freo from the
ot of common mortals ior ono hundred
nd forty years.
The fourth, that of a Swedish General,
who was killed in tho famous "thirty
years' war," and whoso throat still ex
hibits tho ghastly mark of tho wound ot
of which be died.
The fifth, that of his aid do camp, who
oat his life at tho same timo, by a can
non ball striking him in the side. The
destruction of tho parts are plainly visi
Tho sixth body is that of a workmso,
who fell from tho Bteeple of the churoh
when near its completion four hundred
years ago and broke his neck. Owing
to this accileot, tbe peculiar properties
of this vault became known, for the body
of the deceased workman was laid
this vault for a few days, and having
evinced no signs ol decomposition, the
singularity of the fact mduced the nu
thorities to permit it to remain, and be-o
it has remained during all that time.
Tbe seventh is the body of an hnglteh
lady who died one hundred and thirty
years since, of cancer on the lower jaw ;
the ravages of the disease are still per
ceptible in tbe ulcerated flesh.
A D-iubury sport wears a ten-cent sil
ver piece on his shirt bosom, and calls it
a dime end pin, which it certainly.
A liufTalo paper annouaces that by Iho
recent burning of an ice house there,
20.000 tons of ice wero "reduced ti
Fifteen lies o the square inch repre
sent tho editorial power of a Kaotai
City newspaper, if its rival is to be Le
Mark Twain, io rpeakiug of cannibal
ism, grows serious for once, and eole-nly
declares that, for his own part, he would
rather go hungry for two days thau eat
an old personal friend.
Dead Mahcii. A lady playing on a
piano, on being called upon for a dead
inarch, asked a celebrated professor of
musio what shq should pl-iy, and he re
plied Any march that you may play
will bo a dead one, fur yuu arc sure to
The First Spree Niver vos drunk
but vunce in tho whole corse on my lifo ;
niver means to be agin. The street be
seem bo werry steep, and 1 lif my legs
at every step as if I vos gittin' up de
stairs; two tree cart vhcels vos mukiu'
conwulutions in my brain, and one timo
I tots my head vas t large carviti and
turnin machine, the lathes ot vhich 1
vos kecpin' in motion mit my feet. I
could not coneeivo vot vos te reason te
town turn into sich an enormous high
hill ; and vot mate it vorse vos, it i-ecm
all te time growing higher, threatenin' to
pitch over on to me. bbtnp, eiitop,
thought I, ond I'll head lis ol' hill yet,
or least he shan't head me ; io I turned
to go round, and go lo te bottom, and
hang me if to down didn't turn round
mit me, headin' tne all le times, and pre
Kcntin te high bluff right in front of me.
Veil, sure enough te ground he flow up
and struck me iu te face, and when te
stars cleared avay I commenced to climb
mit my bans nnd knees. Te next ting I
saw vas a pig brick houso como ehplit
roud te corner, and I beliefs bo lan rioht
over mo, but I don't remember no mora.
lure rebelled and my tongue uttered the
ins words passed over roe
to act for myselt.
HIV I , , - "r- I ! . L C A
. a . . i. nann ... I. . r iu.i . 11 . . . i . r. I r I
....nnmnnt. and our home is reauy, wuu ...v ........
tl... -.it tn take ma with them, ttOUDIO.
srjp added laughing, "but 1 hope to see scorn 1 felt. His woH
vou at our house. My. father tells ire he harmless I decided to
has settled heie ; his agent has made ail Again 1 appealed to
"All HiaiiTEE." A Vullejo paper
tells the following good s'ory : A funny
incident occurred one evening recently on
the up train lo Sacramento. There we're
two seats in the car turned bo as to face
eacbother. Ono was occupied by a lady
and the other by a Chinaman. Evidently
the lady did not relish tho presence of
the Chinaman, and set her wits to work
to oust him out. She succeeded about
as follows :
Motioning the Chinaman to rise, she
explained to him tbat she wanted to take
the cushion and their frames and place
them lengthwise across from seat to seat.
John said "all ritb.ee," and got out in
the aisle while she placed tho seats as
above described, and then proceeded to
lie down on tbe bed thus improvised,
with her head resting on her value.
She supposed that the Chinaman would
at once lake the tutu that tne laay wanted
to take a little rest, in the space usually
occupied by four scrsons. But obti
hadn't beard of tho woman s right move
ment. and at once proceeded to crawl in
and slretch himself by her side, with hits
head on a little bundle of his own. The
Chinese are an itnitalire race, and like to
do as others do, you know.
Tbe lady, as soon aa she diieourod
that the bad a bedfellow, got up, little
wildly, and started for the boat oar, to
the infinite amusement of iho passengers,
who had been watching tbe little sceno
with some interest. John took nt notieo
of the fun he had created, but went to
sleop with tbe whole bed to himself.
An enterprising shoemaker adrertiies
onim i Kigali and Lelti.
An Editor on his Travels One
of our brother editors has been traveling
some, and relates how tho barber made a
"dead head" of him.
While on board a ftramcr tho fuzz
grew rather longer than was agreeablo,
and we repaired to the barber shop to
have it tulen off. The fellow did it up
in first rate style, and wo pulled out a
dime and j rudercd it to him, as a reward
for his services, lie drew himself up
with considerable pomposity :
"I understand, said be, "dat you is an
"Well, what of it ? said we.
"We nebber charge editors nuffin I"
"Dut, my wooly friend," we continued,
there are a good many editors traveling
now a days, and such liberality on your
part will provo a ruinous business.
"Oh! nebber mind," remarked tho bar
ber, "wo makes it all up off fe gemmrn."
The aforesaid, editor remarks that
thereupon he incontinently eloped.
Borrowing Trouble. Borrowing is
a bad thing at the beat ; but ' borrowing
trouble is peihups the most foolish in
vestment of "foreign capital" that a man
or woman can make. Ao amusing in
stance of this species-of "operation" is
set forth in a down hatt newspaper
wherein a man thus reluted bis experi
ence in a financial wsy, on tho occasion
of tbe failure of a local bank : "As
soon as 1 heard of it, my heart jumped
right up into my mouth. Now, thinks I,
s'posin' I got any bills on that bank?
am cone if f have that's a fuct. So 1
put on my coal, and I put for home just
as fust my legi would carry me ; fact ts,
I ruu all tbe way. And when 1 vol
there I looked keerfully. and tound that
I "hadn't gut any bill iat that bank nor
any other. Then t felt easier " There
hare boco a thousand inetancesof bor
rowing trouble when it was not a whit
better teeured than n this example.
Wife Well, whBt did Mr. Brown aay?
Will he let ui have the money? lJus
band Ho s said you'd f f find it wi wiser
in the end to p p p Wife- To what?
If you can't speak without stuttering,
ting it. Husband, triumphantly To
paddle your own canoe.
This is an English joke : Nervoua
old invalid Well, Miss Nipper, I think
it's quito timo theso passagu walls were
repapered. Landlady Pardon me, sir,
but 1 was awaiting to see how your health
goes tn Coffins is sich things to koock
paper off a coming down.
Lecturing on the Sandwish Island, in
New York the othor evening, Mark
Twain graphically describod the costumes
ot tho islanders. In tho towns they
wear something like civilized garments;
but in the upper country they wear
well, a smile, or a pair of spectacles, or
something of that sort.
A disreputable souffer at science, allu
ding to an article entitled "How to sen
Djwu a Well," which occupied a column
in a scientific journal, says : "Wo could
have furnished the desired information in
a much shorter space. For instance, if
a well is out of doors, and covered, and
you want to see down it, take the said
cover off and look in. Tho thing is very
simple whon you know how it is done.
One of Pomeroys's lobbyists at To
peka, when "Old Subsidy" did not get a
vote, telegraphed to a friend in Atchison
i bus: "Election all over Old Pom ia
not olected by o damn sight." This re
minds one ot I lie answer of the fellow
who went to buy a mill on a streum sub
ject to rapid floods and found it washed
way. "1 find a dam by u mill bite, but
03 mill by a damn sight."
One of the fruit dealers of Portland
caught an urchin stealing nuts, and pro
ceeded to execute condign punishment..
llie boy begged to be released, because
he had recently been vaccinated from a
fresh cow. "What the d I has that ts
do with it?" shouted the infuriated fruit
dealer. "She wus a hooking cow, and it
got into my blood," was the whimpering
A farmer who had employed Erven
Emeralder, ordered bim tn give the mule
eonie corn in the car. Oa trie oontiygiu
the farmer asked :
"Well, Pt, did you give tho aulo -tho
"To be Jure Z did."
Mllow did you give it ?"
"Ooh, an' sure as yes keaer tewld we
"But bnult Ji4 yea jire la the
"Well ye see, tho cratbar wouldo'
hould still, and kapo switching hit ears
io I couldn t get but a Qt!ul in.
In New Orleans lately n city lady snd
a country gentleman paid a visit to tho
skating rink. Alter seeing the ladiea
and gentlemen flying around for awhile,
the lady atkrd the grnt'eman how lie
liked it. Oh, he replied, it's pretty good,
but not near as good as the blondes.
You just wait a moment until you era
some of the ladies tumble, and you wi 1
hink It filty times better, said bia com-
A counlo of Yuokco girls put a Lull
frog in a hired man's bed, tn lee if they
could not get him to talk. Daniel
threw the frog nut of the window and
never said a word. Soon after he put
half a bushel of chcsndt burs in tbo
girls' bed. nnd about the tioie'he'thoiight
tboy would make tre least shadow, Dan
iel went to tho donr and rattled it furi
ously. Out went the candle, and in went
the girls; but they didu t stick, though
tbo burs did.
The Springfield (1'cnn 1 Record heara
of a bill for "one cradlo, 815," which
was made out against a sonatnr by a
Nashville lurniture house, and awkward'y
sent lo his wife. The senator's next let
ter from her contained this : To my
certain knowledge we have had no uo
for such an artiule for thirteen year lit
our family and I don't know that I se
riously objoot to the purchase if you bava
any u-e font and the only fault I can
find is that tt is more costly thai yoi
furnished to rock my children in.
There's Where he Mi v Mis.
TAKE. 1 he gentleman who does the
Annatiiaa and Stpphira business a ho
Trrra Hauto Ei press raji thai cii
minister opened his boat door suddenly
and surprired a guilty looking man who
as just in the act of depositing a ftaatly
covered basket en the door step Ah I
said the minister, rubbing out and gfasfi
iug tbo man by the collar, while ha plkd
o hoary soltd boot vigorously ander lh
coat tail of his visitor, 'vital do yoiv
mean, yoa villain, ty letjring Itilf qii
my do rstop? 'Vh, I have you, scouii
drol t I'll eliow you how to abandon an
infant to the cold charities of the wjrld !
And all these remarka were punctuated
by kick. 'I hain't left any baby at
your dror, said tho man, taking up tho
basket and lifting the cover. I brought
a right fat turkey for you, but I'm darned;
if you shall hare it now, if you am
tirviog! and he wilkid awaj.
Boarded by day or week. vgnJ
I am .uv,