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The Lincoln County Herald
PODLISHKD KVMKY WUDNliSDAY
MOO A EAk IN ADVANCE.
Mriry al Law Aoat jr Pullle,
Hew Hope, Missouri,
LINCOLN COUNTY HERALD.
TUItHIS (IP ADV12H
One Squaro (10 llncs)orless,oalnMrifon...$l M
Each additional inicrtlon 71
Administrators' Notice. 3 On
Vinel Settlement Notices...; '. 3 06
Stray Notice, (tingle ,trav) 3 Ct
liach additional stratf In lauie notice 1 ,011
E0- A Liberal Deduction will be made to
TROY, MO., WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23, 1873.
Will pracllco In the Courts of the Wlseteesth
Judical Circuit, opcciai ""
nr. J. C. GOODRICH,
Wetzville, - - illinsouri
'UVIII no In Troy from lime to lime, duo notice
-of which visits will lo given in mo locai
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
(Cop-RU-Ctri, - MiMOurl
-Wilt practlco In tho CourU of tho Nlnetecujh
W. C. McFARIiAD,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Will practlco In the Courti of tho Nlnotecirtli
Judicial Circuit, urn! will g'eo special attention
la lect oni. umic rruni room oyer a. iv
Knox's Bink. v?n!6
CHAS. MAIITIW Jr
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
AN INDIAN'S REVENUE.
BY sUU'H K1NUW00U.
Where the Kentucky river cuts its
way through tho mountains, having upon
either bank bold, rugged cliffs that lift
tiicir summits five hundred aud a thou
sand feet, as tho case may be, above tho
stream, tbcro hvod in early times a settler
bf tbo name ot Uutus lSransoo. who with
His wife and only child, a charming little
eirl of some oigbt or nine years, occupied
tho rude oabin it tho base of a precipice
a littlo back from tbe river.
Although greatly exposed to danger
tho Indians at that timo boing plentiful
in tho region he managed to live quietly
for scvcrkl years.
Tbo Indians frequently visited the
rude homo of thn huuter. and being al
ways welcomed and provided with sunk
food as might bo in tho larder, they
maintained a friendly attitude
Especially were they fond of tho child,
Maggie, and more than one Gerco war
warior bad been seen sitting on tho grass
in front of tbo cabin, listening to the
childish prattlo of tho little ono, or else
engaged in making it some toy or play
thing from willow twigs or pliant bark.
In this manner sovcral years had been
passed, and llufo Branson came to feel as
sccuro as though ho was within the walls
of a frontier fort.
One evening Branson and his wife wcro
Will practice in all the Court, of the Nine
teenth Judicial Circuit. Special nttcntion given
10 the collection of debt,. vfln39
A. V. McKEE. E. N. BONFILS.
licit i :i: & iiom ir,s,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
Troy, - - Missouri.
Will practice in tho various Courts of this and
adjoining counlici. Special attention given tu
collection, ana mailer, relating 10 real efiaio.
jJS" Office, northeast corner Main anil Cherry
street,, ju,t below i.acieuc iioiei. njuvi
J. B. ALLEN. W. T. BAKEIt.
ALLEN & BAKER,
Attorneys-at-Law, Agents State and
Phoenix Iusurauce Companies,
and Real Estate Agents,
JOSEPH B. ALLEN, Notary Public.
II. W. WHEELER,
Attorney at Law and Notary Public,
Will attend to any profe'slonal business !n the
-Coin, or Lincoln, warren, i'iko nnu aiowguiu
ry counties. Bcp7'71u30yl
WU FRAZIER. 0 Y COLBERT
FRAZIER fc COLBERT,
Attorneys at Law & Real Estate Ag'ts
"Will praetlco in all tho court, of tho Nineteenth
JuJIaial Circuit. Snedal attention given to col
lection, and to tho sale and purchase and leasing
of real estate. Ab,tract of titles, warranty
deed,, deed, of trust and mortgages made out
an short notice. Lariro number of valuablo
arms for sale at low pricos. fST OBIce on Main
street in ltansdell's building, up stairs. vnn
walton & CREECH,
Attorneys at Law & Real Estate Ag'ts,
Will IITI In tl (he (Inurti of tho Nineteenth
Judicial Circuit, and the Supreme Court of the
State. All business entrusted to their care will be
promptly attended to.
Office over Dr. S. T. East's Drug stoio,
-hours from 9 a- m. to 4 p. m.
NEW HOPE, MO.,
Have removed to the Ira T. Nolson bouse,
and are now receiving a
NEW STOCK OF GOODS,
and are determined
JVOT TO BE UNDERSOLD.
They expeet to keep up tbelr reputation for
GIVING THE BEST PRICES
September 25, 1872.
Wm, Matthews & Go.
202 S. MAO ST.
ST. LOUIS, MO.
Special attention paid to the sale
of Tobacco and Grain.
BIRKHEAD & THORNML
Still have their) tlvory Stables oChe!ry tt.
the sign at the brick llvory ttablo oa Mala, street
U the contrary notkwlthstanding. Xhe original
Laclede Stables, by the aboT4 f rorietors, are,
hor kare always keen. o o' '
Wltarow'j Mto sfiojv wtere .be loiojtrictofs
1U aVt e f lea-sct (eo kel fsieaiti.
IUU, ftuso a KpMM feitUta. Uoiin
. r fey M
YOUR 11USINKSS IN THE HUBS-' ND
IT VltL lA.
ated near the doorway, wheu tuddoiily
shadow fell across tho thtcshold, uud
the nest moment a tall savage, whose
reeling step and blood shot eyes told that
o was intoxicate 1, appeared, ana stag
.. i " .i i - ir
genoe to tnc log steps, turcw uiuiscu
Ills brst demand was lor "brc water,
hich was ol course refused, ou the plea
that thetc was dodo in the bouse.
Tho Indian became cross and ugly,
swearing with terrible oaths that if the
quor was not produced, be would tour
er the whole household. Branson wus
brave, determined man. and although
o dreaded tho necessity, yet he taw that
o would be compelled to take prompt
teps to prevent the savage from execu
ting his threat.
Wailing until the warrior bad made a
demonstration, which ho soon did by At
tempting to draw his tomibawk, Branson
sprung upon him, knocked mm uown
with a blow of his fist, and then quietly
isarmad and bound him where lio lay.
iftcr & few minutes of furious raviuge
nd fulilo efforts to free himself tho sav
ge rolled over and sunk into a drunken
He did not wake until next morning,
but before ho did su, the settler had
uiotly removed his bonds aud restored
tho weapons, which he laid by tho sleep
r b side. The savage, on awakening,
roso slowly to his feet, felt his wrists as
thouL'h the (bones had loft a feeling
there, took up his weapons, and without
peaking a word, left him and disappeared
in tho timber near by.
"What do you think of that t asked
the wife, turning to her husband with a
"Pshaw I Don't trouble your head
about tho drunken bruto," answored tho
settlor lightly, but as ho turned away
and stepped into tbe yard, bemuticrcu:
Like it 7 Well, not much, l ne lenow
must be watched. 1 was in hopes he
would not have remembered, but that
ump whore my Gst landed, was enough,
t nothing else, to recall tuo eircuui
The summer passed, and they saw the
drunken guest no more. He failed to
make his nnDearauco. But as tho leavos
began to fall, the settler ono day, while
returnine Iron) bunlinc on tuo uius, anu
passing through a douse pieco of timber
not far from tho house, caught sight of a
Gguro lurking among the bushes, but
which quickly disappeared wuen no au
vancod toward whero it was. lbo ngurc
was that of an Indian warrior, aud Uute
Urnnson would, have sworn it was tbe
Indian whom ho had knocked down and
hnunrl tho Drcvious suuiJicr. Ibe
knowledge was not in any way comfort-
. . jj j ,.ii i.:.. :rnf
Ing, ana nenco no aiu uui ivu uis mum
It wou Id on v a arm her, witnqui per
haps any good result. Ho simply told
her be had discovered near iruuae hcui
bv. and that she and the child must slay
within or (lose to tho house when he was
Several days afterward, Uu'o Uranson
heard his dogs in tbo timber down by i.ie
rimr and knowinir thev never opened
without good oauso, ho caught up his
. An .n.i hnainneii to wnero inev wuru
barking. They haA struck a fresh boar
trail, and as bo arrived in sight, uioy winy
lifted it, going ou in a siraiguv huh uui."
Thn chase led him several miles
and when, at last, he got bis shot that
Gniebed bruin's career, he found it was
ihrrn or four o clock in the atternoon
Ruinoinc bis camo to-a sapling out o
reach of cat or wolf, he started for home
to got the old grey niaro and return to
fotnh is that nil-lit.
Taking o near cut, he approached tho
cabin from tho western side, where the
timbef piew heavy up to within a few
of thnhulldinc. and consequently be
could not see the clearing or what might
to transpiring there -until -bo bad
ihrnlioh tllO W00d8.
M n- .. . ., .... L.. .
Thua it was, mat, wnen wuiiiu
wy shoit distanoo of his homo, he beard
. L: n;...ini shrink : ho coulionly
mics that something terrible must be
latins (ilsea beyond h soreos of tmshes
tIllotTn toui shou, ttiat his pfas
IicJ tniglit sooner ue known, ur.uu
with tbo leaps ol
vvouuded buck, a great fear at his hoart
or ho had only too clearly recognized
in that scream the agonized voice of his
It took but a moment for him to clear
the intervening timber and undergrowth.
As ho dashed out into tho 'clouting,
holding his rifle ready for instant uo, he
comprehended in one swift glauco all that
had takaa place, and whut was further to
Near the end of tho cabin facing the
cliffs, of which I have spoken, stood tho
mother, her face pallid as tho dead, her
arms outstretched, and her stannt; eyes
fixed upon the precipitous heights up
which the figure of an Indian warrior
"My child I my child I" was all tho
woman said, and then Kufo Branson suw
that tho bundlo borne iu tho Indians
arms was tho form of their only child,
Firm of heart, and with nerve as steady
aB tho rocks around, tho father for a
momont actually quailed and cowered
under what bis quick sense told him, tho
deadly peril ot bis littlo ono.
But ho was quick to recover. .
Tho Indian was drawing away ; stop by
step ho was increasing tho distance, and
as he occasionally glanced backward nnd
downward, the pirents saw in his hide
ously painted countenance tho full pur
not-o that actuated tho abductor.
1 God aid me I" Branson muttered, as
ho raited his rifle, glanced through the
sights, and touched the trigger.
The Indian started violently at th
Ho was hit, hut not badly hurt, and
with a yell of devilish triumph, be passed
"Too low by a couplo of inohes," said
a low, calm voice at the settler s elbow,
Branson started as though he himself
had been shot.
Where has this man come from. Who
was he ?
Neither had seen him approach.
But (hero wus no timo for explana
Tho stranscr. a man rather bolow than
bovo tho ordinary height, whoso fine
thlctio form was fully displayed by
is closely bttiog buck skin garments
tepped quickly forward a few paces, aud
rtnly planting his lelt loot in advance
hrew up an unusually long rifle, as
though preparing to hie.
''If or uud s s iko, Btrangor, be caret ul
of my child I" cried Brutnon, while the
agonized mother muttered an audible
"It s our only chance. 1 know mat
Indian," wis the reply, and the sharp
lick I click I of the hunmer as it wa
drawn back told that the critical momen
By this time the Indian hid nearly
reached tho summit of tho steep. Tuu
he was wounded now became evident, as
upon a broad lodge of rock he paused
This opportunity was seized by th
Although tho savago had taken th
precaution to hold the child up in front o
himself as a shield, covering nearly th
whole of his brawny chest, but leaving
his head uncovered, the stranger did no
hesitate in making tbe shot.
For one second, as it gained its posi
tion, the rifle wavered, and then instantly
bcoome as immovable as though held iu
With clasped hands and straining eye
tho parents watched that statue like form
upon whose skill bo much depended.
Suddenly a sharp report rung out the
white Btnoko drifted away, and as the
vision became clear, they saw tho savage
loose bis hold upon the child, reel wildly
for an instant, and then pitch forward
upon tbo rockB.
It may bo imagined that tho father w
not lone in reaching the place where h
child lay, and a fow moments more th
littlo one was in its mother arms.
"Tell us who you are, that wo may
know what naino to minglo with our
prayers, said tbo mother, as !he stran
cor prepared to depart.
"My name is iianici iioono, be said
and was gone.
From the Washington Capital, March 30.
Among tho political literature issued
by our paternal government not the least
There is a living curiosity in St. Paul.
It is a man named McKay, just in from
Hudson Bay. Ho is thirty tour years ot
. ..... . . i . i. .
age, and until bis recent arrival at ot.
Paul had never seen a train of cars, a
hotel, or machinery of any kind except
tbe most primitive. He has been a faith
ful employe of tho Hudson Bay Com
pany, which fact tbey recognize by grant
ing him a year's leave of absenco to travel
in civilized America and Europe, paying
his expenses, and allowing his salary dur
ing tbo cntiro time. Ho travelled 3.200
miles to reach St. Paul. In spite of the
life he has led, tbe Press says ho is an
intelligent and pleasant gentleman.
"Uuolo Charles," said Jimmy, a six
year old, tbo other day, "can tell mo why
tbe sun sets in me west at, nigni, uuu
rises in tho east in tho morning ?"
"Pshaw I" said bis uncle Charles, "tho
first fool you meet can tell you that."
"Yes, undo," replied the sweet boy,
"that's why I asked you."
A Kentucky legislator, In alluding to
tho fact that that body bad overcropped
Itsolf in laying out more work than It
can do, illustrated his idea in this way:
Mr. Speakef. this legislature) fas not only
drawn the Fojphant in the lottery, but,
air, we have Jaii off mole land tliaa wo
can cultivate, ln foot, tit, I iy say
ate W i:f eff vote
Some gooff, loving, Bolf-sacsWciligrfecit
will transtorm tne nomcuesv lace iuu
beauty aud sanctity.
tercstmir is that which roaches us
under the titlo of "Contingent expenses
tho House, tuado by that uccom-
ished clrk, Edward Mcl'hcrsou, and a
ko document issued by that lestive
alifornian, Governor G. U. Gorbam, who
gns himself secretary of tho oeuato.
ue never can know tho wants of a Solon
until those documents arc fairly studied.
When tho Hon. Lycurgus Leatbcrlungs,
for example, is returned by his coupling
constituents to Congress or tho Hon.
Hamilton Straw is tnado senator through
the success of his party and a liberal cx
cndlturo or money, the wito ot bis
boboai, Mrs. Lcathcrlungs or Mrs. Sena
or Straw, or tho nearest friends of
ithcr great functionary would probably
ubor under tho delusion that ou a sheet
f commercial nolo the necessary wants of
thcr lawmaker could bo estimated and
considered satisfactory. A pcruul of
these two documents proves, to the amazo-
tnent of such deluded mortals, that such
gravo legislator is transmitted to a most
xtraordlnary creature, and with tho new
phase of life appears most extraordinary
cmands. Now, who, tor example,
would surmise that eaoh statesman was
to bo provided with a spittoon? We
know that such guardian of our coostitu
lional rights chews tobacco. Tho Amer
ican political intellect demands, wo know,
tho soothing Btitr.ulant of this weed.
But did tho wildest imagination ever
suppose that each Congressmen must bo
supplied with a spittoon ( lot such is
tho fact. What a fearful amount of cx
pectoration tbcro must bo I It is really
discouraging. There must bo such an
This spittoon item is only ono out of a
hundred that wo shall reach directly.
While treating of it wo also remark that
he spittoon seems to bo such a perisha
ble article. Every session of Congress
demands a frc;h supply, and always of
tho samo number. It is not a very cx-
ravaaant etimato in tho way of dollars
and cents, but as it is an item of continu
ous expenditure, would it not be well to
havo a stoudiug committee, to .bo caned
the Committee on Spittoons, established
to rcculaio the affair I Iu the senate
our great Mhhigandcr, tbo war Senator,
could select from among tbe leaders the
man who, having served moro than one
term, would havo tbe most experience
and does or docs not expect to rate as a
gentleman. 1 he practical economy ol
our frco government could then bo Ulus
trated by each honorable member appear
ng abroad with the portable spittoon
hung about his neck. As each carries
his tobacco box why not his spittoon,
through tho use of which in cars and
about hotels and at privato houses he
could rave the carpets of friends and the
drosses of women ? We know that you
experienced tobacco chewers can expec
torato with the accuracy ot a nllo shot
across a room into tho bars of a grato,
but tho fears of nervous people that
there may bo a random shot at times
would be taken into account. We knew
once, for cxumple, when tbe late William
Polk, brother ot tbe President aud ex
Minister to Naples, was firing at a dis
tant grato with Ned Picksrson, a great
dandy at tho timo, sitting alarmingly
near tbo lino of practice, Ned could not
resist the iinpulso of drawing back at diit
explosion. Polk, observing this, paused
in tho exercise and said solemnly :
"Young man, don't do that. If you
dodge you're lost."
But this takes us from our subject.
Wo find, on examining these reports,
that tho Houso ot Iicprceentatives, bo
tween December 5, 1S71, and Juno 30,
1872, had 173 hair brushes at a cost ol
231 10, and 228 combs at a cost of
S21G 50. Now, why tho Houo should
need such a quantity ot hair brushes and
combs bothers tho will aud confounds
the uuderstauding. Looking down, from
tbe reporters' gallery upon theso assem
bled beetles, one is struck with tho num
ber of heads that, rising above tho timber
belt, exhibit bald knobs upon which a
comb or brush would not ouly be useless,
but agonizing, then why such a tre
raendous demand for combs and brushes ?
And about this amount appears in every
report of contingent expenses. Evory
session calls for a fresh supply of combe
and brushes. Ho comb can bo con
structed that will last through two sos
sions of the samo Congress. JNor can a
brush be made that will stand tbe wear
and tear of a bald-beaded Solon over
ninety days. Docs this como of a frantic
effort to cot tbe littlo hair at the base
trained up over tho bald place above (
Who knows? Wero all our Congress
men liko unto Clarkson B. Pottuh, of
Now York, wo might understand tho
continuous and umazing domand for
combs and brushes. The Hon. Pottah
not only parts his hair in front, but ho
has two alio bodied barbers at work six
times a day, parting his Congressional
"Au' is't Misther Pottah yo'r spakin
uv?" demanded an Iri.h mcsengcr ono
day, "Bo the howly Moses an isn t ho
tbe pay-cock uv tho j;cmocraoy now :
But tbo members are not all Hon. Pot
tah'a, on contraire quito the reverse j and
we should suspoet tho Sioux ctilet, our
Captain Kidd ot the Capitol, ol cartin
away these articles as ho did tho plate,
but fo tbo fact that there, is like Biys
tory bo'4 the Senate, By tho by, while
tho Houso demands: 173 bait brushes, she
Senate tails foi 219, although the Senate
has Teat ambe, 4 in fnojoU
snore iali hoadl.
atones iay Iheso tiartiatio uvpTemciI
aro distributed through tho onmmittco
them, and that at tbo end of each session
tho clerks of tho committees carry them
off. Jones was a clerk himself once,
and he ought to know. If this is so,
Uussctt, Shepherd, l'aintcr and other old
follows must bo running variety stores or
holding stock in barber shops.
We honored a cotcuiittco once with
its clerk, and our committee, tium
bcring nino members, u?cd tho combs
and brushes every morning. Wo could
not see that they came to iho committee
room for any other purpose Littlo
O'Xiul. of Pennsylvania, in his frantio
attempt to get his hair over bis intellect,
would get on his tnes and alter a while
give spasmodic little jumps. Wo dis
missed that committee because Conger, of
Michigan, wanted us to take tho brush
and comb and make his head resemblo
the Hon. Pottah's. Wo gavo the littlo
Michignnder one look and tho chairman
our resignation Vro did not carry off
the hair brushes and combs Conger did.
Ho was determined to resemble the Hon.
Pottnb or die.
These aro entertaining reports, and wo
must return to then, hereafter, for our
article runs beyond brevity that is tho
soul of nit.
Wo cannot dismiss them, however,
without calling attention to some curious
developments in our senatorial log bank.
tor cxamplo on pago Oil ho bnd u. lias-
sett credited with "one dozen lrench
snuff, for uso of Senate. 4 20." Now,
as the only Senator, we believe, who in
dulges in this luxury is Senator Thurmau,
is it is possible that it costs this distressed
government and overtaxed peoptoSl 20
litilato tho Senatorial nose of Uhio?
Tho bill says "for tho use of tho Senate
Does tho benato tako suutl I Does tbo
Senate sncczu? We opino not.
If you let the oct out of the bag never
try to ctam him iack tgain j it only
makes matters worso.
rooms: that tho members ucver touch
OtuaiN or Fasiiliak Words. The
word "quiz," to uiuko fun of, or poke fun
ut u prison, was Iho coinage ot a tlical
ricul manager in Dublin, n ho, at a drink
ing party with his friends one Saturday
night, when tho conversation turned upon
the subjeot of words, offered to bet the
wine that he could then and there coin a
word which would ho in tbo mouths of
Dublin tho next day. Tho bet being
taken and the party dispersed, the man
ager called up his call boys and runners,
gavo them pieces of chalk, and ordered
them to run all over the city, chalking
the word "quiz" on every shutter, door
and fenco tliov came to. This was done.
and, us a matter of course, tho new word
was in everybody a moutb the next day
Tbo manager woo the bet, and his word
is now in all respectable dictionaries.
iiio siang expression lurucaia, -'alo
ng the bucket, bad its origin trom on
Bolsovcr, who, in England, a great wbil
ago, committed suicide by standing on a
bucket till ho kicked the bucket Irom
The word "bumper," meaning a full
dnuk whon friends aro drinking, is
corruption of tho toast offered in French
to tbe 1'ope, when the tatnoiic religion
was in tbe ascendent in Ciiigland au bo
To "dun, to press lor money uuc
comes trom one Joe uunn, a lamou
bailiff of Lincoln, in England, durin
iho reign of Henry VII. Ho was so
uncommonly successful in collecting
money that when a man refused to pay,
tho creditor wus asked why ho didn't
'Humbug" is a corruption of tbo Irish
words "uim bog," pronounced oombug,
signifying soft copper, or pewter, or brass
or worthless ir.oticy, such as was made
by James II. n 1 1 tie Dublin mint twenty
hillings of which was worth only two
penco sterling. At nrst applied to worth
less coin, tbe words became tbe general
title of anything false or counterfeit.
The sign "viz, signilymg to wit, or
namely, is an obbroviaiion of ''videlicit";
but the third letter was not originally z ;
it was tho mark used in medicine for a
drachm, which, in writing, much resem
bles z, and in "viz ' was simply used as
a mark or sign of abbreviation.
The hopelessness of any one's accom
plishing anvihiug without pluck is illus
trated by an old Eifst India fable, A
ttiouso that dwelt near tho abode of a
great macician wus kept in suoh constant
distress bv tho tear ot a cat, that tnt
magician, taking pity on it, turned it into
a cat itself. Immediately it began to
xuffer from its fear of a dog, bo the ma
cioian turned it into a dog. Then it
began to suffer from fear of a tiger, and
the magician turned it into a tiger. Then
it began to suffer from its fear of hunts
men, and tbo magician in disgust said,
"Be a mouse again. As you havo ouly
tho heart of a mouse, it is impossible to
help you by giving you tbo body of a
nobler animal," And tho poor creature
again becamo a raouso.
It is tho same with tbo mouso hoarted
man. He may bo clothed with the pow
ers, and placed in tho position of brave
men, but ho will always act liko a mouse ;
and publio opinion is tbe great magician
that finally says to such a person, "Go
back to your obscurity again, Ynu bavo
only the heart of a mouso, and it is use
less to try to mako a lion out of you,
Every mcmbor of the family of Craw,
ford Nully, who lelt Paulding county,
Georgia, last Novomber, for Arkansas',
ibss died of small-pox since rcaohing tbe
latter state. The family consisted of
Tho vigTitto freedom is vested in those
onlv whet bavo tbe capacity and the will
Tu act iu a iifocor taauner. Freedom of
actioi eoiifeued ujo Thoso who possess
ot lollv ef tVeio oRtibuTe tuiest incvi
labfy disorganize soeioty, demoralize ho
poople, and force tbcin back- to barbarism,
Tbcro is now a Democrat on tho &'u
premo bench of Masttchusetts for the
first time in nino years.
Every young man bhould remember
that lbo world will always honor indui
try. Tho useless idler, whoso, cnergicM
of body and mind are rusting for wane
of occupation, ma'y look with scoru--it
is praise ; his coiteiojt Is' honor.
K street car conductor in Detroit
picked up a navy revolver from the floor
ns several passengers wcro departing.
A well dressed woman claimed it with tho
remark : "That's the second timo Iv'o
lost that to day."
A Parisian has just diod leaving tho
following testament : "It is my will tliut
ny of my relatives who shall prrsumc to
shed tears at my funeral shall bo disin
herited. He who laughs' most heartily
shall bo sole heir "
I havo known a vast quantity cf non
sense talked about bad men not looking
you in the face. Don't trust that conven
tional idea. Dishonesty will stare lion
csty out of countenance any day in tha
week, if there is anything to bo got by
Yirtuo has this happiness that she
can subsist on .herself, and knows bow
to exist without admirers, partisans, antl
proticturs ; uuntol assistance nnd appro
bation does not only not effect her, but
preserves, purines, and renders her more
A rural poet thus breaks forth : "O,
the snore, thu beautiful snore, filling the
chamber from ceiling to floor I Over
tho coverlet, under tho sheet, from her
weo dimpled chin to her pretty feet!
Now rising aloft liko a beo in June ; now
suuk to the wail of a cracked bassonl!
Now, flute-liko subsiding, then rising
again, is the beautiful snore of Elizabeth
The climate of Peru is set forth by a
correspondent as exceedingly peculiar
and strange. It never rains there, wu
are told, but during certain seasons, and
when the atmosphcrois filled with cloud
a "dew falls so thick, heavy and continu
ous that it will saturato tho heaviest
clothing in less than half an hour." Tbo
coming and going of tho clouds that
distill this dew is another strange thing
connected with Peru. Tha changes are
reported so rapid and violent as to startlo
the stranger. One may be walking along
tho street, glorying in the rich warmth
of tho sunshine, and admiring the deep,
clear bluo sky, when suddenly, aud
almost imperceptib'y, a change takes
place, "and from tho southward a masa
of dark clouds como rolling Bwiftly
across the firmament, and soon tbe bluo
sky is replaced by a sombre pall, and to
tho glorious sunshine succeeds a drizzling
penetrating mist"' And this is also as
suddenly changed again ; even while one
is preparing to guard against tbe mist.
the sunlight and the tKy reappear in all
their brightness and beauty.
Scraps or Wisdom.
It iz iz hard work tew make a weafc
man upright uz it iz an empty bag.
Good breeding teemi tew be tbe art ov
being superior tew most people, and equal
tew all, without letting them knoit.
Children aro liko vines ; tbey will
klimb the polo yu set up for tbem, be it
krooked or strate.
Happiness iz not the only choicest
posscsbun, but the cheapest.; it koala
nothing, if ynu only think so.
lndlcncss, like inddustry, iz kclching.
Tho devil iz tho father ov lies, but hu
failed to get out a patent for his inveu
shun, and his bizzuiss iz now sufferiug
Maxims to bo good Bhould be az sharp
az vinegar, az short az pi krust, and uz
Hew uz a pair ov stee'yurds.
A niknumo will outlast a man's deeds,
be they good, bad, or iodifferont.
Phun iz the best phisick i knoo-r; it
iz both cheap and durable.
Consilience iz our private sekretary.
The three gratest luxury ov life, are a
klear conscience, a good sppetight, and
Fashion iz liko fire, a good servant,
but a bad master.
Tbe yay are alwus looking ahead, and
tho sad aro alwus looking back ; it iz u
grate pit ty tbey don't change works with
each other. '
A pedant is a very learned individual,
who mistakes a pop-gun for ajpislill,
Porseverance will conker enuy thing
but muskcotcrs; tbo only way to conker
them iz to bak out.
A bigot iz a kind ov human ram, with
a good deal ov wool over biz eyes, but no
It don't require but a phew braocs tow
make up an atheist, for the loss a mau
'know tbo loss he generally beleaves.
The man who trie, tew please every
boddy is as fioklo bi natur az a purpy.
lMczzure iz liko molastiss, tew much or
it spiles tho taste for everything,
Tho most miserable, people i kno ov
are thozo who make plczzure a bizzoess
it iz like slidiug dorvu tt hill 25 miles
Tbare iz no toed to euro tew produce a
big yiold az trild oats, and tho krop iz
Politcuess- it like ginger pop, thcro
ain't much nourishment iu it, but it has
a-Icozatit jop aud a refreshing flavor.
t'colano scaring in a- man iz like eon
linud crowing in a barb yard rooster,
jUn. tew keep their courage or import
ausc Jo&li Billings.