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THE TIMES, NEW BLOOMFIELD, VA JANUAHY 2, 1877.
Josiah's Pleasure "Exertion."
THEY htve been havlnV plcaouro ex
ertlotiB nil BurarBer here to Jonen
vllle. Evory vreek a'rnont they would
go off on a exertion after pleasure, and
JohIuIi was all up Id end to go too.
Tlmt man it a well-principled man as
t ever see ; but If he bad liis head he
would be worse than any young inau I
ever Bee to follor Up picnics, and 4th of
Julys, and camp meetln's, and all pleas
ure exertions. But I don't encourage
him in It. I have suid to him, time and
agin, " There In a time for everything,
Joeiah Allen, and afteranybody had lost
all their teeth, and every mite of hair
on the top of their head, it la time for
'em to stop goin' to pleasure exertions."
But good lnnd! I might Jest as Well
talk to the wind. If that man should
get to be ns old as Mr. Methusler, and
be a goln' a thousand years old, he would
prick up his ears if he should hear of an
exertion. All summer long that man
has beset me to go to 'em,for he wouldn't
go without me. Old Hunker Hill him
self hain't any sounder In principle than
Joslnh Allen, and I have had to work
bead-work to make excuses, and quell
him down. But, last week, the old folks
was goln' to have one out on the luke,
on an Island, and that man sot his foot
down that go he would.
We was to the breakfast-table, a talkln'
it over, and says I, "I shan't go, for I
am afraid of big water any way."
Says Josiab, " You are Jest as liable to
lie killed in one place as another."
Says I, with a almost frigid air, as I
passed him his coffee, " Mebby I shall
be drowned on dry land, Josiah Allen ;
lut I don't believe it."
SayB he, in a complalnin' tone, " I
an 't get you started on to a exertion for
pleasure any way."
Says I, in a almost eloquent way, " I
don't believe in makin' such exertions
after pleasure. I don't believe,ln clmsin'
of her up." Says I, " Let her come of
her own free will." Says I, " You can't
catoli her by chasln' of her up, no more
you can fetch a shower up, in a
drewth, by goln' out doors, and run
ning after a cloud Up in the heavens
above you. Hit down and be patient;
and when it gets ready, the refreshin,
rain-drops will begin to full without
uone of your help. And it is jest so
with pleasure, Josiah Allen ; you may
chase her up over all the ocians and big
mountains of the earth, and she will
keep ahead of you all the time ; but set
down,and don't fatigue yourself a think
in' about her, and like as not she will
come right into your bouse, unbeknown
"Wal," says he, " I guess I'll have
another griddle-cake, Samantha." And
as he took it. and poured the maple
syrup over it, he added, gently but
tlrmly, ' I shall go, Samantha, to this
exertion, and I should be glad to have
you present at it, because it seems jest,
to nie, as if I should fall overboard
durin' the day."
Men are deep. Now that man knew
that no amount of religious preachin'
could stir me up like that one speech.
For though I hain't no hand to coo, and
don't encourage him in bein' spoony at
all, he knows that I am wrapped almost
" completely up in him. I went.
We had got to start about the middle
of the night,fr the lake was fifteeu miles
r T .. . . in.. 1 1 . .. ..VI 1 1 ! .. 1
Hum uuiie&viiie, uiiu liiu uiu liuise uvui
so slow, we nan got to start a nour or
two ahead of the rest. I told Josiah
. that I had jest ns lives set up all night,
as to be routed out at two o'clock. But
he was so animated and happy at the
idee of goin', that he looked on the
bright side of everything, and he said
that he would go to bed before dark, and
get as much sleep as we commonly did I
,So we went Jrf bed, the sun an hour high.
But we hadn't more'n go settled down
into bed, when we heard a buggy and a
single wagon stop at the gate, and I got
up and peeked through the window, and
I see it was visitors come to spend the
evenin' Elder Wesley Minkly and his
family and Deacon Dobbins' folks. Josl
ah vowed thai he wouldn't stir one step
out of that bed that night. But I argued
with him pretty harp, while I was
throwln' on my clothes, and finally got
him started up. I hain't deceitful, but I
thought, If I got my clothes all on be
fore they came in, I wouldn't tell 'em
that I had been to bed that time of day.
And I did get ail dressed up, even to my
handkerchief pin. And I guess they
had been there as much as ten minutes
before I thought that I hadn't took my
night-cap off. They looked dretful curl
. ousat me, and I felt awful meachin'.
But I just ketched it off, and never said
nothin'. But when Josiuh came out of
the bedroom, with what little hair he
has got standin' out in every direction,
no two hairs a layin' the same way, I up
and told 'em. 1 thought mebby they
wouldn't stay long. But Deacon Dob
bins' folks seemed to be all waked up on
the subject of religion, and they propos
ed we should turn into a kind of con
ference meetiu'; so they never went
home till after ten o'clock.
It was most eleven when Josiah and
me got tolicd agin. And then Jest as I
was geltln' Into a drowse, I heard the
cat in the buttery, and I got up to let
her out. ' And that rousted Josiah up,
and he thought he heard the cattle in
the garden, and he got up and went out.
And there we was a march In' round
most all night. And if we would get
Into a nap, Josiah would think It was
momln', and he would start up and go
out to look at the clock. I lost myself
once, for I dreampt that Josiah w as a
droundln', and Deacon Dobbin b was on
the shore a prayin' for him. It started
me so, that I just ketched hold of Josi
ah and hollered. I Bkalrt him awfully,
and says he, " Whatdoes all you.Saman-
tha ?" And then he cot out of bed
agin, and went out and looked at the
clock. It was half-past one, and he said
" he didn't believe we had better ' go to
sleep agin for fear we would be too late
for the exertion, and he wouldn't miss
that for nothin'."
" Exertion," Bays I, in a awful cold
tone ; " I should think we had had ex
ertion enough for one spell."
But I got up at 2 o'clock, and made a
Cup of tea as strong as I could, for we
both felt beat out, worse than if we had
watched in sickness.
But, as bad wore out as Josiah felt
bodily, he was all animated In his mind
about what a good time he wns a goln'
to have. He acted foolish, and I told
hlmso. I wanted to wear my brown
and black ginghnm, and a shaker; but
Josiah Insisted that I should Wear a new
lawn dress that he had brought me home
as a present , and I had got Just made up.
So, jest to please him, I put it on, and
my best bonnet. And that man, all I
could do and Bay, would wear a pair of
pantaloons I had been a makln' for
Thomns Jefferson. They was gettln' up
a military company In Thomas J.'s
school, and these pantaloons was white
with a blue stripe down the sides, a kind
of uniform. Josiah took a awful fancy
to 'em ; and, says he :
"I will wear 'em, Samantha; they
look so dressy."
Says I, " They hain't hardly done. I
was goln' to stitch that blue strlpeon tbe
left leg on again. They hain't finished
as they ought to be, and I would not
wear 'em. It looks vain in you."
Says he, " I will wear 'em, Samantha.
I will be dressed up for once."
I didn't contend with him. Thinks I,
we are mnkln' fools of ourselves by
goin' at all, and if he wants to make a
little bigger fool of himself, I won't
stand in hisJight. And then I had got
some machine oil onto 'em, so I felt that
I had got to wash 'em any way, before
Thomas J. took 'em to school. So he
put 'em on.
I hud good vittles, and a sight of 'em.
The basket wouldn't hold 'em all. So
Josiah had to put a bottle of red rasp
berry Jell into the pocket of his dress
coat, and lots of other little thing, such
as spoons, and knives, and forks, in his
pantaloons and breast pockets. He
looked like Captain Kidd, armed up to
the teeth, and I told him so. But, good
land, he would have carried a knife in
his mouth if I had asked him, he felt bo
neat about goin', and boasted bo, on
what a splendid exertion it was goln' to
We got to the lake about eight o'clock,
being about the firs t ones there ; but
they kep' a comin',and before 10 o'clock
we all got there. There was about 20
old fools of us, when we all got collected
together. And about 10 o'clock we sot
sail for the island. Josiah bavin ' felt so
animated and tickled aboutthe exertion,
was worked up awfully when, just after
we had got well out onto the lake, the
wind took his hat off and blew it away,
lie had made up his mind to look pretty
that day, and be so dressed up, that it
worked him upawfully. And then the
sun beat down onto him ; and if he had
had any hair onto his head it would
have seemed more shady. But I did the
best I could by him ; I stood by him, and
pinned on his red bandanna handker
chief onto his head. But as I was flxin
it on, I see there was something more
than mortification that ailed him. The
lake was rough, and the boat rocked, and
I eee he was beginning to be awful sick.
He looked deathly. Pretty Boon I felt
bad too. Oh, the wretchedness of that
time ! I have enjoyed poor health con
siderable in my life, but never did I en
joy so much sickness, in so short a time,
as I did on that pleasure exertion to the
island. I suppose our beln' up all night
a'niost made it worse. When we reach
ed the island we was both as weak as
I set right down on a stun,' and heiJ
my head for a spoil, for it did seem as if
it would split open. After awhile I
staggered onto my feet, and finally 1 got
so I could walk straight, and sense
things a little. Then I bt j to take
the things out of my dinner basket.
The butter had all melted, so we had to
dip it out with a spoon. "And a lot of
water bad swashed over the side of the
boat, so my pies, and tarts, and delicate
cake, and cookies looked awful mixed
up, but no worse than the - rest of the
company's did. But we did the best we
could, and begun to make preparations
to eat, for the man that owned the boat
Bald he knew It would rain before night,
by the way the sun scalded. There wasn't
a man or woman there but what the
perspiration Jest poured down their faces.
We was a hnggered and melancholy
lookln' set. There was a piece of woods
a little waysoir, but it was up quite a
rise of ground, and there wasn't one of
us but what hod the rheumatlz, more or
less. Wo made up a fire on the sand,
though it seemed as if it was hot enough
to steep the tea and eoffee as it was.
After we got the fire started, I histed
a umberell, and sat down under It, and
fanned myself hard, for I wbb afraid of
Wal, I guess I had Bat there ten min
utes or more, when alt of a sudden I
thought, Where is Josiah V I hidn't
seen him since we had got there. I rlz
right up and asked tbe company, al
most M ildly, " if they had seen my com
panion, Josiah V" They said " No.they
hadn't." But Cclestine Wllklns' little
girl, who had come with her grandpa
and grandma Oowdcy, spoke up, and
says she, "I seen him a goln' oiF to
wards the woods ; he acted dreadfully
Btrange, too; he seemed to be a walkin'
" Had the Bufferin's we had undergone
make him delirious V" says I to myself ;
and then I started off on the run to
wards the woods, and old Miss Bobbet,
and Miss Oowdey, and Sister Minkley,
and Deacon Dobbins' wife, all rushed
after me. Oh, the agony of them 2 or 3
minutes, my mind so distracted with
forebodin's, and the perspiration a pour
in' down. But, all of a sudden, on the
edge of tbe woods we found him. Miss
Qowdey weighed 100 pounds less than
me ; had got a little ahead of me. He
sat backed up against a tree in a awful
cramped position, with his left leg un
der him. He looked dretful uncomfort
able, but when Miss Qowdey hollered
out: " Oh, here you be, we have been
skalrt about you; what Is the matter?"
he smiled a dretful Sick smile, and says
he : " Oh, I thought I'd come out here
and meditate a spell. It was always a
real treat to me to meditate.'"
Jest then I came up, a pantin' for
breath, and as the women nil turned to
fuce me, Josiah scowled at me, and
shook bis fist at them 4 wimmin, and
made the most mysterious motions with
his hand towards 'em. But the minute
they turned 'round he smiled in a slck
ish way, and pretended to go to
" Says I : " What is the matter, Jo
siah Allen t W7hat are you off here
"I am a meditatiu', Samantha."
The wlmmen happened to be a look
in' the other way for a minute, and ho
looked nt me as if he would take my
head off and made the strangest motions
towards ,ein; but the minute they look
ed at him he would pretend to smile that
deathly smile. v
' Says I : " Come, Josiah Allen, we're
goin' to hnve dinner right away, for we
are afraid it will rain."
' "Oh, wal," says ho, "a little ruin,
more or less, hain't a goin' to hlndei1 me
"I was wore out, and says I: "Do
you stop medltatin' this minute, Josiah
" Says he : " I won't stop, Samantha.
I let you have your way a good deal of
the time; but when I take it into my
head to meditate, you hain't a ' goln' to
break it up."
"Says I: Josiah Allen come to din
ner." "Oh,I hain't hungry," say she. " The
table will probably be full. I had jest
as leves wait."
" Table full!" Bays I. "You know
jest as well as I do that we are eatln' on
the ground. Do you come and eat your
dinner this minute."
" Yes, do come," says Miss Bobbet.
" Oh, says he,wlth that ghastly smile,
a pretendin' to Joke, " I have plenty to
eat here; I can eat muskeeters."
The air was black with 'em ; I could
not deny it.
" The muskeeters will eat you, more
likely," says I. " Look at your face
" Yes, they have eat considerable of a
dinner out of me, but I don't begrech
'em. I hain't small enough, I hope, to
begrech 'em one meal."
Miss Bobbet and the rest turned to go
back, and the minute we were alone ho
" Can't you bring 40 or 50 more wlm
men up here ? You couldn't come here
a minute without a lot of other wlmmen
tied to your heels !"
I began to see daylight, and then Josi
ah told me.
It seems he hud set down on that bot
tle of raspberry Jell. That blue stripe on
the side wasn't hardly finished, as I
Bald, I hadn't fastened my thread prop
erly ; so when he got to pullin' at 'em
to try to wipe off the jell, the thread
starred, a id beln' sewed on a machine,
that seam jest ripped right open ' from
top to bottom.' That was what he had
walked off sideways tc jvards the woods
for. Josiah Allen's wife hain't one to
desert a companion In distress. I pin
ned 'era up as well ns I could, and I
didn't say a word to hurt his feclln's,
only Jest said this to him, as I was a
flxln' 'em: "Jcmjah Allen, Is this
pleasure?" Bays I: "You was deter
mined to come."
" Throw that in my face again, will
you What if I wimV There goes a
pin into my log. I should think I bad
suffered enough without your stabbln'
of me with pins."
" Wal, then, stand still, and not be a
caperln' round so." How do you sup
pose I can do anything with you a
tousln' round bo?"
" Wal, don't be so aggrevatln', then."
I fixed 'em as well as I could, but they
looked pretty bad,ahd thert, there they
was all covered with jell, too. What to
do I didn't know. But finally I told
him I would put my shawl onto him.
S" I doubled it up corner-ways, as big as
I could, so it almost touched the ground
behind him, and he walked back to the
table with me. I told him it was best
to tell the company all about it, but he
jest put his foot down that he wouldn't
and I told him if he wouldn't that he
must make his own excuses to the com
pany about wearln' the shawl. So he
told 'em that he always loved to wear
summer shawls; he thought it made a
man look so dressy.
But he looked as if he would sink all
the time he was a sayln' It. They all
looked dretful curious at him, and he
looked as meachin' as if he had stole a
sheep, and he never took a minute's
comfort, nor I nuther. He was sick all
the way back to the Bhore, and bo was I.
And jest as we got Into our wagons and
started for home, the rain begun to
pour down. The wind turned our old
umberell inside out In no time. My
lawn dress was most spllte before, and
now I give up my bunnet. , And I says
' This bunnet and dress are spllte,
Josiah Allen, and I will have to buy
some new ones."
" Wal I wal 1 who said you wouldn't "
he snapped out.
But It wore on him. Oh, how the
rain poured down. Josiah bavin' noth
in' but his handkerchief on his head
felt it more than I did. I had took a
apron to put on a gettln' dinner, and I
tried to make him let me pin It on his
head. But says he, firmly:
"I hain't proud and haughty, Sa-
inatha, but I do feel above rldln' out
with a pink apron on for a hat."
" Wal, then," says I, " get as wet as
sop if you had ruther." ; '
I didn't say no more, but there we
Jest sot and Buffered. The rain poured
down, the wind howled at us, the old
horse went slow, the rheumatix laid boll
of both of us, and the thought of the
new bunnet and dress was a wearing on
Josiah, I knew.
After I had beset him about tho
apron, we didn't hnrdly say a word for
as much as 13 miles or so; but I did
speak once, as he leaned forward with
the rain adrippln' ofien his bandannu
handkerchief onto his white pantaloons
I says to him in stern tones :
" Is this pleasure, Josiah Allen V
He gave the old mare a awful cut, and
says he : " I'd like to know what you
want to be so agrevatln' for?"
I didn'tmultiply any more words with
him, only as we drove up to our door
step, and he helped me out into a mud
puddle, I says to him :
" Mebby you'll hear to me another
time, Josiah Allen "
And I'll bet he will. I hain't afraid
to bet a ten-cent bill that that man won't
never open his mouth to me again about
a Pleahurk Exertion.
A LEETLE TOO MUCH.
THE other day, when a stranger in
the city was asked for alms by a
man witli a bad cough he inquired :
" What do you want of money V"
" To buy food," was the answer.
" Are you short on provisions V"
" Yes, sir."
" Didn't you lay in taters and cab
bages and beets and so on last fall when
they were so cheap V"
" No, sir."
"Well, that shows you have no
bend for planning. I always put in my
provisions in the fall, and have 'em
where I can lay my hand on 'em. So
you have nothing to eat "
" Can't run over to the neighbors
and borrow sugar and -butter and
" Well, some neighbors wouldn't
lend a cold pancake if they could
help it. Had your breakfast, I sup
" No, sir." . x
" Had your supper last night V" .
"No, sir; I haven't eaten anything
in almost ten days." ,
" That's a leetle too much, mister!"
remarked the stranger as he squinted
his left eye. "If you had said that you
didn't have anything but milk toast for
supper, and a cup of coffee and an egg
for breakfast, and now felt like eating
something solid, I should have believed
you, and handed you half a dollar. Go
right away from me ! I never could
bear a hypocrite."
Mrllnnrk' I'lilmnnln Krrnn H VTaaait
TotlO Ann Mauddjki Pn.M. these deserr-
nnnnla m nil Inlnna 1. n a
affected revolution In . the healing art, and
rruou ma mnacy ot several maxims which
ISVS for irmnv vpfira nltNt.rnnffa1 tha nmiri-aaa nf
medical science. The false supposition tbat
" Consumption Is Incurable" deterred physi
cians from attempting to And remedies for that
disease, and patients afflicted with It reconcil
ed themselves to death without making an ef
fort to escape from a doom which they ann-
'irovu v uTj uiiHTUiuauits. n is DOW proved a
IOWVr. thai Cnninmnilnii . h. nH-A. I
that it tSfcl haan nlirarl In a . v .
- - "m " v. j KiDa. UU1UUVI
of cases (some of them apparently desperate
unci uj ounencK-i ruimonio eyrup alone
and In other cases by the same medicine In
..u.i-..-viuu wuu ncnencK'B oea weed Tonlo
and Mandrake Pills, one or both, according to
the requirements of the ease.
Dr. Bchonck himself who enjoyed nnlnter
rnpted good health for more than forty years,
",'iuiea at one time to be at tbe very
K? V?i oeathhl physicians having pronounc
ed his case hopeless, and abandoned him to hit
rate. He was cured by the aforesaid medi
cines, and, since his recovery, many thousands
similarly affected have nsed Dr. Bchenck's
preparations with the same remarkable suc
cec. Tull directions accompany each, making It
not absolutely necessary to personally see Dr.
Bchenck unless patients wish their lungs ex
amined, and for this purpose he is profession
ally at bis principal office, Cornor Blxth and
Arch Streets, Philadelphia, every Monday,
day, where all letters for advice must be ad
dressed. Bchenck's medicines are sold by all
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