Newspaper Page Text
3STEW BLOOMFIELD, TUESDAY, N O VEMBER 0, 1877.
In Independent Family Newspaper,
IB PUBLISHED EVERT TUESDAY BY
V. MOllTIMElt & CO.
Wltliln the County, II 2S
" ' " Six months 75
Out of the County, Including postage, ISO
" " ' six months 1 85
Invariably In Advance I
W Advertising rates furnished upon appli
cation. $elct 'PoctiV.
Oh, trifling tasks, so often done, .
Yet ever to bo done anew !
Oh, cares, which come with every tun,
Morn after morn the long years through !
We shrink beneath their paltry sway
The irksome calls of every day.
The restfess sense of wasted power,
The tiresome round of little things
Arc hard to bear, as hour by hour
Its tedious iteration brings ;
Who shall evade or who delay,
The small demands of every day ?
We rise to meet a heavy blow
Our bouIs a sudden bravery fills
But we endure not always so
The drop by drop of little ills j
We still deplore and still obey
The hard behests of every day.
The heart that boldly faces death
TJpou the battle field, and dares
Cannon and bayonet, fatuts beneath
The needle points of frets and cares ;
The stoutest spirits they dismay
The tiny stings of every day.
And even saints of holy fame,
Whose souls by faith have overcome,
Who wore amid the cruel flame
The molten crown of martyrdom,
Bore not without complaint away
The petty pains of every day.
Ah, more than martyr's acreole,
And more than hero's heart of fire,
We need the humble strength of soul
Which daily tolls and Ills require ;
Sweet patience, grant us if you may,
An added grace for every day.
A JEALOUS HUSBAND SOLD.
DEAR," said Mr. Peter Ten-
sico, to his wife, " don't you
think it would be a good idea for us to
take a few boarders V"4
" Boarders !" echoed Mrs. Pensico,
"What for V"
" To turn an honest penny,my dear,"
said Mr. Pen sico.
" Pshaw !" said Mrs. Pensico.
'Times are hard," fd Mr. Peter
" But you've got money enough," re
torted his wife, with a toss of her curly
" Sylvia," said Mr. Pensico, gravely,
" do you know that nobody ever has
money enough ?"
"No," said Mrs. Pensico, shelling
away with great vigor at the pan of
lima beans in her lap. "I don't know
anything of the sort."
"Just think how nlceit would sound,"
said Mr. Peter Pensico, with his ejres
half closed and his head on one side,
" Select board for a few gentlemen , In a
cottage on the Hudson, milk and veg
etables : terms moderate. I think I see
it now in the columns of the paper."
" I thought you rented this cottage to
please me I" said Mrs. Pensico, raining
-down the emerald shower of lima beans
at a double-quick rate.
" Bo I did, my dear, so I did," re
sponded her husband. " But why should
not we please a few select boarders,
Mr. Pensico was a retired grocer, " fat
and forty," if not "fair." Mrs. Pensico
had been a pretty ward school teacher,
full twenty years younger than her hus
band, who had boarded at the same
house with the dealer in nuts, spices and
Love is like the whooping cough, a
more dangerous disease the older you
grow. Mr. Pensico took it very hard,
so hard, indeed, that lie married Sylvia
Smith at the end of a fortnight' ac
quaintance ana took her to live in a
pretty little cottage on the Hudson.
" You are a Jewel, my dear," said Mr,
Peter Pensico ; " and I mean to place
you in an appropriate setting."
But as the conflagration of his young
love died into a more steady and un
even flame, Mr. Pensico's old spirit of
thrift arose within him. Love in a cot
tage was all very charming; but the
wages of cook, chambermaid and handy
man counted up amazingly at the end of
the month. A cow grazing in the
meadow was picturesque, to be sure, but
the feed-bills were something to shudder
at. Sylvia in white muslin was an
adorable object ; but it sometimes occur
red to Mr. Pensico's perturbed brain
that cnlicoes would have been more
economical, viewed from the laundress'
standpoint. In short, Love and Econ
omy were at daggers drawn in the noble
soul of the ex-grocery man.
" Don't you think it's a good idea, my
love?" persisted Mr. Pensico, brushing
a lly away from the circular bald spot
on the top of his head.
" No, I don't," said Mrs. Pensico.
"But why not?"
" I don't like the idea of keeping
tavern," retorted the bride.
" Mr, dear," said Mr. Pensico, " you
exaggerate. A few select boarders
"A few select fiddlesticks!" Inter
rupted Mrs. Penslco,as she rose up, Hing
ing the lima bean-pods all over the
" Mr. Pensico looked at his wife with
a calm and speculative eye.
" She don't like boarders," pondered
he. " And she don't like to submit,as a
wife should, to her husband's authority.
"Good! I'll enforce both questions, or
I'll know the reason why !"
And Mr. Teter Pensico sat down to
write the advertisement whose glowing
periods had been floating in fragmentary
radiance through his brain for the last
five or ten minutes.
"I won't take boarders," said Mrs.
" My dear," said Peter, " you will do
just precisely as I think best."
" We will see!" cried out Mrs. Peter
" A woman ought to be proud to have
an opportunity of helping her husband
on In the world," oracularly observed
" I believe the richest people in the
world are always the meanest," said
Sylvia, with a jerk of her pretty brown
" Economy, my dear, economy !" said
Mr. rensico. " Take care of the pence,
and the pounds will take care of them
selves. A penny saved is a penny
earned. Money makes money."
And Mrs. rensico, fairly overwhelmed
by this cataract of proverbs, ceased her
unavailing remonstrances. After all,
what good would they do V
Poor little Sylvia was beginning to
comprehend that marrying a rich old
screw was not the shortest way to per
fect happiness 1
But a woman defied becomes a woman
dangerous, and Mrs. Peter Pensico de
termined that she should would not be
Four days after the appearance of the
advertisement which cost so much time
and pains, three young gentlemen ap
plied for board.
Mr. Pensico assumed a magisterial as
" Ten dollars a week is my fixed
price," said he ; but as there are three of
you, I don't mind saying twenty-five
And on these terms Messrs. Smith,
Brown and Jones became possessors of
the three best bed-rooms of the cottage,
driving Mr. Pensico and his wife to a
sofa beadstead in the back parlor.
" Are we always to live sor1" plain
tively demanded Mrs. Pensico.
" One shouldn't mind a little incon
venience, my dear, when a matter of
twenty-five dollars a week is at stake,"
said Mr. Pensico, with an air of superior
But as the days wore on, and Messrs,
Jones, Brown and Smith began to feel
themselves more at home,mattors began
to be less pleasant to Mr. Pensico.
" My dear," said the pater familias to
his young wife, one day, " do you think
it is quite dignified for you to be romp
ing out on the lawn with those three
young men V"
" I wasn't romping," retorted Sylvia,
with a pout, that showed the coral curve
of her lip to the best advantage. " I wag
only playing croquet. You charged me
especially to try and make things agree
able to the hoarders, did't you r"
This was on Monday. On Tuesday,
Mrs. Pensico went fishing with the
three boarders. Pensico might have
gone too, perhaps, only that the boat
was capable of holding but four.
On Wednesday there was a picnic up
the river, to which Mrs. Smith Invited
Mrs. Pensico. On Thursday Mr. Jones
and Mr. Brown had a " camp out" in
the woods, of which Mrs. Pensico and
one Miss Tomlinsou, of the neighbor
hood, formed an indispensable acconi-
On Friday Mr. Brown undertook to
lay out Mrs. Pensico's verbena bed in
true landscape gardening style. On Sat
urday it rained, and Mr. Jones, who was
considerable of an elocutionist, read
poetry alone to Mrs. Pensico, while she
darned the family hose. On Sunday,
Mr. Smith drove Mrs. Pensico to a
church ten miles away, in an elegant lit
tle buggy, with a long-tailed horse.
"This Is getting intolerable," said
And he wished he hadn't written that
But this was nothing to his chagrin
the next day, when he found Mr. Smith
sitting out under the apple trees with
his arm around Sylvia's waist.
" Sir!" thundered Mr. Pensico.
" Eh V" said the boarder.
" Leave my premises!" said the
" I've just paid a week's board in ad
vance," suggested Smith.
"Take back your wretched dross!"
bellowed Pensico, flinging a roll of bills
on the grass. " Go ! Depart ! Lose no
time, and take those other two young
men with you. I'm sick of boarders !"
And so the three young men departed.
When once the garden gate was closed
behind them, Mr. Pensico elevated his
right arm theatrically in the air.
" Never never will I receive another
boarder into my family," said he. " As
for you, false wife"
" No ; but Is It honor bright' about
the boardersV" Interrupted Mrs. Pensico,
with the sparkling eyes.
" I swear It by yonder cerulean blue V"
said Mr. Pensico, who had just been
reading "St. Elmo."
"Certain surer1" said Mrs. Peter
" Certain sure!" said her husband.
" In that case," said Mrs. Pensico, " I
may as well tell you now, as any time,
that John Brown and Ferdinand Jones
are my cousins, and that Charlie Smith
is my brother."
" Eh ?" gasped Mr. Pensico, " Was it
was it a conspiracy ?"
" They wanted board in the country,"
said Mrs. Pensico, " and you wanted
A heavy weight seemed to be lifted
from Pensico's heart as he remem
bered the arm around Sylvia's waist. So
it was only her brother ! And little Syl
via hadn't played the married flirt, after
He took his wife in his arms,and gave
her a hearty kiss.
" My dear," said he, " you're a mis
chievous little girl, but I forgive you.
And I guess we'll give up the boarder
Which was all that Mrs. Pensico
" I was determined to conquer him,"
thought she, " and I've done it."
Joking the Doctor.
A good story is told of a doctor who
was somewhat of a wag. He met, one
day in the street, a sexton with whom
he was acquainted. As the usual saluta
tions were passed, the doctor happened
to cough. " Why, doctor," said the
sexton, " you have got a cold ; how long
have you had that "
" Look here, Mr. Sexton," said the
doctor, with a show of Indignation ;
" what is your charge for interments ?"
" Ten shillings," was the reply.
" Well continued he, "just come into
my surgery, and I will pay it. I don't
want to have you calling round, and so
anxious about my health." The sexton
was soon even with him, however.
Turning round to the doctor, he replied,
" Ah, doctor, I cannot afford to bury
you yet. Business has never been so
good as it has since you began to prac
tice." Since the above conversation,
neither party has ventured to joke at
the expense of the other.
A Sharper Outwitted.
A GENTLEMAN was witness, a few
days ago, to a sharp trick at cards
on a passenger train on one of our west
ern railroads noted for the favor in
which the three-card monte men and
other card sharps hold it. A well dressed
clerical looking man had attracted a
crowd of gaping passengers around him
by a number of Ingenious and skillfully
executed tricks with a pack of playing
cards, and at last shuffling the cards
several times, and slapping them down
upon his knee, he said :
" I'll bet any man in the crowd that I
can cut the Jack of diamonds at the first
Every one hung back suspiciously,
until a green gawky-looking individual,
with hay seed in his hair, pushed his
way forward. "Mister," he questioned,
" may I take a squint at them keerds V"
" Certainly," said the professional he
handed them over. The countryman
inspected them suspiciously, and then
apparently satisfied, lie returned them,
but did not take the bet. " The cards
are all right, aren't theyV" asked the
professional. "Yes, I guess they'd suit
me," the countryman replied, hesitating
ly. "Why don't you take my bet,
" Wa'al I don't know ; I ain't much
of a betting man."
The professional saw that the coun
tryman was more than half inclined to
take him up, and to make sure of his
game, he said : Come, I'll bet $10 to $5
$15, $.20 to $5."
" I'm durned if I don't take ye," ex
claimed the countryman, after a mo
ment's hesltatlcd, and, diving into his
pocket he drew out a strip of calico (ap
parently a sample to show his girl,)
Bome confectionary, a plug of tobacco,
several horse shoe nails, and, lastly, a
dyspeptic looking leather wallet, from
which he extracted a greasy five dollar
bill which he placed in the hands of a
bystander. The stranger speedily cover
ed the deposit with a twenty fresh
from Uncle Sam's printing bureau, and
then thoroughly shuffling the cards as
prelude, ho grasped the pack in one
hand, and producing a sharp pocket
knife he actually cut every card in the
pack in two. " Haven't I cut the jack
of diamonds V"
" I'll be eternally swallowed If you
have," replied the countryman, produc
ing that veritable card from his coat
sleeve, whither he had dexterously con
veyed it while pretending to examine
the cards. The countryman quietly
pocketed the stakes and the professional
slunk off into onother car. .
RA," said Mrs. Glyndon,
you're the biggest fool living,
and I am perfectly astonished !"
" Very much obliged for the compli
ment, I'm sure, Aunt Deborah," said
Myra Dalton, demurely.
She was a tall, fair-haired girl, with
large, deep brown eyes and rosy cheeks.
Mrs. Glydon was a made-up matron,
considerably past the fifties, with a black
silk dress, a set .of garnets and gold, and
a prevading odor of patchouly about her
person. Myra leaned with folded hands
against the window that looked out on
the street. Mrs. Glyndon busied herself
with a piece of embroidery, where an
impressionable knight was kneeling at
the feet of a pink-faced lady in mazarine
"But just look at the reason of the
thing," said Mrs. Glyndon. "Your
Uncle Josiah is willing to give you a
" That's just what I am going to ask
you about. Aunt Deborah if I could
use your name as a reference V"
" No you can't I" snapped out Aunt
" Then I must do without it," said
She broached her subject to Mr. Josiah
Glyndon ihat very evening, as he sat
over his wine and walnuts Mr. Josiah
Glyndon, who was as cold as Iceland,
hard as a block of granite, and uncom
promising as fate itself.
"No," said Uncle Josiah; "I don't
approve of the plan at all."
" But you do not object V"
"Yes," said Uncle Josiah, "I do
object, most decidedly."
" On what grounds ?"
" Because you are my niece."
" Is that any reason why I should be
dependent upon you V pleaded Myra.
" You are Independent already."
" No, uncle I am not."
Mr. Glyndwi screwed his lips together,
and took up the evening papers.
" I am sorty you are ill-satisfied," said
" But, uncle"
" Allow me to decline- any further
discussion of the subject."
The next day, Myra Dalton put on her
hat and walked to the nearest Intelli
gence Bureau. Mrs. Robert Lee wanted
a governess for four little girls, between
the ages of six and twelve. Mrs.
Robert Lee was Introdued, by the lady
In charge of the Intelligence Bureau, to
Miss Dalton. Miss Dalton suited in
every respect until they came to the
important subject of references.
"I have none," said Myra.
" No reference V" echoed Mrs. llobert
" No," said Myra, eolo in spite of
herself. " I left my home in spite or
rather against the wishes of my relatives,
and as I have never filled any similar
situations before "
" Oh I" said Mrs. llobert Lee. " That
will do ; we need not pursue the subject.
Perhaps, Mrs. Blank" to the lady in
charge" you can send In another young
person V This one will not suit.
And this was the first bitter drop in
Mrs. Shaw, w ho had; a susceptib
husband and two grown-up sons, want
ed a companion, but objected vehement
ly to Myra's good looks.
Mrs. Barrons, who had three nieces to
educate, wanted a young person who
would be willing to act as governess,
chambermaid and nurse.
Myra was beginning to think she
would have to go ignominiously back to
Uncle Glyndon again, when Mrs. Lan
sing came in, brisk and lively.
" I want a nursery governess," said she.
And Mrs. Blank at once produced her
drug in the market.
" Are you fond of children ?" said she.
" Very," answered Myra.
" Can you be patient with them V"
" Certainly I can."
"Good?" said Mrs. Lansing, nod
ding the roses in her little French hat.
" How rnuch do you want r"
" Twenty dollars a month."
Very well," said the lively lady. " 1 1
like your face, and I'll engage you."
" I I think you ought to know,
said she, " that I have no reference."
" Why not?" asked the little woman
Myra told her simple story. .
" Well," said Mrs. Lansing, " I'll
dispense with reference. If I don't like
you, I can but send you away again.
One has always to run a certain risk in
So Myra went to Mrs. Lansing's
villa on the Hudson, to be companion
and instructress to Tessa and Gertrude,
that lady's two plump, dimpled little
" How do you like my new governess,
James V said she to Mr. Raymond, her
cousin, who was staying at "Purple
Cllfr " on a visit.
" I think she's a trump," said Ray
mond, laughing. "Lansing and I
heard her reading a story to the girls
yesterday, and they all three cried to
gether. I'm not sure but that there was
moisture In Lansing's eyes, too. Mine
brimmed over, I am certain."
Mrs. Lansing held up a warning
Not Her Fault.
One of those excrescences in life, a fe
male slanderer, went into a neighbor's
house the other morning, with her
tongue loaded with new venom. There
were several women present, and the
slanderer's eye glistened in anticipation.
Throwing herself Into a chair, she said :
" One half the world don't know how
the other half lives." "That ain't your
fault," quietly observed one of the com
pany. The slanderer turned yellow.
13" " I really ean't sing, believe me,
sli," was the reply of a young lady to
the repeated requests of an empty fop.
" I am rather inclined to believe, mad
am," rejoined he, with a smirk, " that
you are fishing forcompliments." " No
sir," exclaimed the lady, " when I fish
for them, I never try my luck in so
shallow a stream."