Newspaper Page Text
THE ARGUS, SATURDAY, JANUARY , 1894.
mMit ClftLte rlale,lerftt.
Stwluemn at aad thai prrrenu lilfc-loac
Retrains ami etaes Orrrtrrkril
n men, Rxhannua Mothm,
aad pieveata prolapsa.
Cam rnlpitnUmi. Slerple
MMM, IKnom hrmkiag itwn (oft -v.
preventing Insanity), providing a ?
Chnnne of Life, sad a bete and
N harpy M ace.
Krsdrr, saffrrlef frma aay rmnrimat lrvMr to the female trt. EO A-TOOK A I
worth evprrtMsl In Jna. Xrl"-rt (n advlra, marked "Cnarahiag Priartawat." are
era by wir fcliylin nnlT HM-IHURA in, n.li.COHAX.Ppr jr, Kalamazoo, Xirb.
THE FALL OF BOWSER
HE STRIKES A TACK AND COMES
DOWN STAIRS WITH A CRASH.
Sustain Home Industry
Ualling for Book Island
Brewing Co., Beer.
The Best Beer Made,
On Tap everywhere.
The Rock Island Brewing Company, success
ors to George Wagner's Atlantic Brewery, I.
Huber's City Brewery and Raible & Stengel's
Rock Isbnd Brewery, as well as Julius Junge's
Bottling Works, his one of the most complete
Brewing establishments including Bottling de
partment in the country. The product is the
very best. Beer is bottled at the brewery and
delivered to any part of the tri-cities, and may
be ordered direct from the head offices on Mo
line avenue by Telephone.
It la Eaay Baaogfc la Pat Dmfa a gtalr
Carpet If mm Only Em Bow.nd Bow
Hf Thlaks B. Dot-Xtmra for a Fi
' (Cois rig-ht. 1801. by Charles B. Lewis.)
"AYhat's tblfer" uked Sir. Bowser as lie
entered the sitting mom after the evening
mrni ana louna a bundle m bis favorite
"That . Ohv ftotl mt ensa." replied
1. Mr. IIowmt aa she removed it.
".More towels for the kitchen, eh? Bow
many thousand roller towels does that girl
.-n away with in the course of the Tear?"
Its cmxh for the stairs. The carpet is
petting a bit worn In the middle, and I
' want to save it. The carpet man aaid he'd
come up and pat it down this evening, bat
lie was probably too mist."
In other words, be hcd growled Mr.
Bowser. I never knew a carpet man vet
who wouldn't lie rather than tell the troth.
What was your object in paying him & ur
18 to put that thing down?"
Six or tot hy, be will only charge SO
"Well, have we any SO cent pieces to
throw away? Mrs. Dowser, let me call
your attention to the fact that this country
La keen on the verge of bankruptcy fort bo
last six months."
"Well, we can save SO cents In crash and
wear out $10 worth of carpet," she an
swered as she noticed that ho was stnok-
tug his usual brand of cigars two for Si
"We will save the ".0 cents and wear out
nothing. 1 shall put down the crash my
self. I was jnst wishing there was some
little job around the bouse I could do."
"Do y.u think think you could make a
good job of it?" she bcsitnl ingly asked.
"And why not. Airs. llow"
"Well, you know you get out of patience
if t hings don't go just riplit, and it always
ends in your blaming nie."
"Never got out of pnt'ttice in nil my life.
Never blamed yon in all my born days. I'll
hnve that crash down inside of 13 minutes.
nml it will be as neat a job as you ever saw
dune. AH 1 ask of you is to remain right
here and not do auy Itossiug."
Mr. IJowscr cot hammer and tucks, tin
folded the crash on the sLairscnd removed
his coiit and vest. He had just kesun work
when Mrs. Bowser came to the foot of iie
stnirx and queried:
"Iio you expect to pet that down straight
without a measure or guide to go by?"
"IVrhnps yon have written a book en
titled "What 1 Kuow About Crush," re
plied Mr. Bowser as he hammered away.
"You won't get it straight without a
Mr. Bowser whistled and hummed to
Mmw his indifference, mid he was looking
l the Lend et a tack with one eye and had
ixcoKPouATCD cxnr.u ra stats law. .
Rock Island Savings Bank,
Kuck Islaxb, III.
Opa 'if fen t a. at. to a a. Mk, and Hetanlay evrrisn- fcon T to .'clock.
rive per cent Interest paid on Depnslta. Money loaned on Personal col
lateral trr Real Estate security
. L. ItlTClltlA, TTrS t. F C. DESKM.YN J, VU' Praat. J. a BVFOUD, Cashlei
r. L. Mitchell, r. C. Ir.ifaiin. J.ih rahoreh. PM1 Mltrkrll, II. P. Uull, t Blmoa,
. W llnr-t. J. M. Hiifunl, Joaa Vols.
jAtkMlK A, Uuar. SulHTftoTa.
Saa bketnan July I, l-lu, erru th tonthraet eorccrof Vitebcll LradCa aew kaildiai
J. T. DIXON
And .Dealer in Men's Fine Woolens.
1706 Second Avenue.
TIIE FIRST -CLASS
K rm Ma'.ta ta kl su taoa.
At 324 Seventeenth Street.
"Uaat (beet a asreutity.
Ts. Ibum-ixti lst srhm ?rrr l lhh .rWr-J 1 TrrtfctJ by amra ttaaa K0 dlOcrcot Penile
sisf tbvir atwlcau,
Hi and IU East Second Strict, DAVENPORT, IOWA.
Roek Island Brass Foundry
AID ACSHITECTORU 1803 COM.
AP atasia af btava, Huns' wut shnslsssi bessa. castta. all thm&m aa4 Ira icre
a iwriar at brae, awial iHMiera sad arttauc wota.
iwit at brae, awial iHMiera sad arttauc wota.
tmt Sb UrrMS-AI lull Pltet mm. bear tit au tllac BUCK ULAVD.
J. UAOER, Proprietor:
Ca. aieiHaaa att aw Kaasai tCSICMS.
bsesaw.s Mtstsvertoa. aMCas aoaawiaa.
m,m . ... .
B b.H mtm
St. bw rm fU nnt.Jm n mMl SMnavsamar
m biwi an. on ania a)anisa a
awuMtt r. an ausat c. ml
respective lawyers will settle the question
f alimony. Good night, designing woman!
Thank' heaven, bat my eyes are open at
HE SAW A CYCLONE.
A TtcUas Telto the fftory Haw It Caaba
and Went. .
When It was understood that the old
man with his bead bandaged up and his
face crisscrossed with stripsof court plaster
had been a victim of the cyclone, we gath
ered around to hear his story.
"The first thing I heard. -e began as he
looked around, "was a terr.e tnoanin and
"That was the coming of tne cyclone.
aaid one of the passengers.
"Wall, no. I afterward found out that
it was my old woman. She'd fell off n a
chair and hurt her back. The next thing I
took notice of was a rnshin sound, as if
a thousand trains of cars was humpln
"Thnt was the forerunner," aaid a second
"No. it wasn't. I thought It was, but X
was mistaken. It was only some niggers
iallin off the roof of a shed. Then I heard
"TO AT CTCLOXE STHCCK TIIE HorSE."
v?b a shriek as 1 hope never to hear agin If
I live to be a thousand years old. It jest
made my flesh crawl."
"That was the exultant voice of the de-
sion of the storm," said a young woman
A-ith evcclnssrs and a poeticnl look..
"Xo. ma'am, it wasn't," replied the old
man. "I thought it was, but it turned out
1o lie my darter Sal. She, was elosliin
around harvfut and trod on a fishbone. I
was tellin her that I was glad on it when
t hat cvclone struck the house with a roar
like thnt of a millvon wounded lions."
"And it was nicked up like an autumn
leaf," said a fat mau with bide whiskers as
he crowded closer.
"Xo, sir. No, the house is right there.
same as ever."
"But it was unroofed?"
"Xo, the roof is all right. When that
cvclone tack led niy house, Bbe bit off more'n
she could chaw nnd bnd to let go. She jest
dodged to the left with a roar like a biilyon
titers nil roarin at once and struck into my
Aud devastated everything in its patb of
course," remarked a tall young man with
a Koman nose and two watch chains.
"Wall, no.' She devasted one peach tree
which I was goiu to cut down that same
day, but the rest of 'cm refused to be dev
ested. Then with a scream like thou
sands of schoolma'ams acreamin in chorus
"See here, old man," interrupted the con
ductor, "did that cyclone sweep away any
of your projierty?-'
"Xot a doggoned sweep!"
"Aud how did you get hurt?"
"My blamed old mewl run away with me
next day aud pitched me inter the bushes."
"Then what are you talking about? '
"'Bout the cyclouc of course. These cre
folks never seen one, and though I hain't
much of a hand to talk I'm willin to tell
'em nil I kiu 'liout the screams of fury
mad shrieks of despair appallin devasta
tion wreck and desola.shun aud two of
my niggers losin their hats and one of my
corucril'S bciu uuroofed. Arter breakiu
down that peach tree shegotupand howled
likcmillyonsof wolves u-howlin iu chorus,
But that was the end. The crowd melted
away like soft snow and left the old man
alone, and after borrowiug a chew of to
bacco of the man on the seat in front he
leaned over nainst the wiudaw and fell
into a peaceful sleep.
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
at Viter the town graveyard, and when
we xsSk the father up there to see tt we
noticed that some patent medicine man
had erected a headboard for the sake of ad
vertising his cure all. When we informed
the father of lie way his son John met his
fate, he promptly acquitted the marshal of
all blame. He furthcrexpUiinedtbat John
had set out for the far west to become a
bad man, and that what he lacked in sand
he made up in whooping and cracking his
heels together. Mr. Wyman not only took
a sensible view of the mat ter at every turn.
but his words expressed his relief and grat
itude that .his son was not hung instead ol
beine shot. Indeed he was so n leased with
our people ami their way of doing business
that before going home he purchased two
vacant lots oa. Apache avenue and will re- I
turn here in the spring to become a perma- I
nent resident. As the head of the local
government, as well as the editor and pro- I
pnetor of a great family newspaper, we
take great pleasure in assisting the rela
tives of a late deceased to secure all possi
ble particulars of bis taking off, and in the
future as in the past shall hold ourselves in
readiness to do whatever con be done in
any and every case. Living relatives who
may wish to consult us after 11 o'clock at
night will nlease riu? t-.; umier bell aud
announce their names liefore the door is I
opened. We have It ad to adopt, this pre
caution to guard against would be assassins.
Asotheh Case I Point. On two or
three diQerens occasions The KtCEER has
felt called upon to warn tourists from the 1
east that the people of this town had their
idioms and stuck to them like a ton of
porous plasters. When we were in Chi
cago a year ago, a man took our $50 over
coat and left a (5 one in excliauge. We
recognized it as one of the idioms of the
town aud raised no row. . When we were
in St. lxmis last summer, some one took
27 out of our hiud pocket. Idiom again,
and wc telegraphed home for more. The
idioms of our people are ierhaps maui-
lesteU in a game of poker more than inany-
tliiug cle. The game is played here in all
its original luxurionsiiess that is, each
player is ent itled to lay two cuns on the ta
ble before the cards are dealt. The guns
may be loaded or not, but empty guns arc
not much of a bluff out tins way. In the
east t liree aces beat three kings in a game I
of poker. In this community they some
tiuies do nnd sometimes don't according
to how you have sized np the other feller.
la the east they never have over four aces
in a park of cards. Here we often find six.
v e fully explained all these things to i
stranger nnnitd Parker, who arrived here
the other dav to see if the climate would
help his astuma, but he went right over to
the Wild Horse saloon, sat down to a game
of poker with oid Tom Srott aud tried to
rake iu the pot under the lielief that threes
beat two iiairs. That would be the case in
some localities, but it is not here. Mr.
Scott had to t-baot Mr. Parker ia the shoul
der before he would lie convinced, and we
think he leit town feeling that he had
somehow been injured in both miud and
body. If Mr. Parker had had two six
shooters on the table, then his threes would
have knocked two pairs silly, but he didn't
have t hem. We offered to lend him one a9
he left the office, but he refused the loan.
end thereby lost $50 in cash and got in the
way of a bullet. One is no longer 0011514
to drink with a stranger or fight in this
town, but we hnve lots of other little cus
toms and legends and idioms which fly up
and hit the head when trodden on.
A Gentleman tfhow Drink Was Cold Plsen
Is frotnptly Laid Away.
A GnATtri'L Max. Ou Saturday of last
week we had a call from a stranger named
Wyman of Iowa, whose object iu visiting
this locality was to get news of his sou
John, who had not been heard of for some
months. As soon as he gave us a iersoual
description of his long lost sou we remem
bered him a lop shouldered chap, lame in
the loft leg. cross eyed and his bat on his
ear; would have lnxn a red treaded man
but for the grass- aud burs in his hair;
had two guns and a voice like a lost mule.
Many of our citizens will remember that
the other cn Mrs. llowwr whtu the hr.m-
mer struck his thumb, mid he uttered a
yell which mat! 3 the rook in the kitchen
drop the teakettle lie alxo sprung up and
kicked the top stair three times as bard as
he could swing hi leg.
"1 knew how ii would tie. The carpet
man would have put thnt down" ,
lbc carpet man l tiangetl: limn t I
tell you to go away? 1 ou are hanging
around here cxprrting to see me knock my
nose off. but you'll lie disappointed. You
either got iuto the sitting room or I give up
this job! When I can't rmnagc to tack a
piece of blamed old crash over a blamed
old stair carpet. I ll go off and bury myself."
"Well, please get it straight, because ev
ery bit of it will show from the frontdoor."
"Straight! Am I a squint eyed China
man or a purblind Kskimo? If 3 ou start it
straitrht, it's bound to come out straight.
There may be a bald sot ou top of my
bead, Mrs. Itowser. but there is nothing
baldheaded about my etesigut."
Siie went away, and be bad reached the
middle stair, wiien she returned to take an
other look. One glance wasenouuli.
"Mr. iSowavr, you've got that down
crooked. You've pulled it way over to the
left as yira came down. I knew you'd do it,
without a guide."
"llev? You Iwck again? Where ia it
pulled to the left?"
"It beg:us on tbo second stair from the
"Xever! If that isn t a bee line, I II eat
dough for a week."
"Hut measure it with the hnndlc of your
hammer. It's an inch more to the left than
to the right."
Mr. Uowfccr measured. It was at Icastan
inch and a half. He couldn't deny it, for
Mrs. llowser wasat the Ixittom of the stairs
ready to come up. Iiedid the bestthingho
could do under the circumstances, or he
started out to do it.
"It'astruightcrthan the ntraightest line
ever drawn by mortal hand!" be shouted.
"TALi rr; ?? z .rrr m" cold
-"" "' """"'-" "". . . i.i.j..n(i,rfin..m;i
He bad his back to ber. He seized the j - w s....-
1. - 1 1. .i .v.i it fT ,i. galloping into tuia vowu on a cayuse wuicn
step above him and was movingou the next ! k"" am-ung and limped in all four
cbM bis left knee struck a tack waitiuir tor M""-- - " - 1
job. The sudden pain and surprise over- i
balanced bim. and Mrs. itowser suddenly i
aw sometuiuKcomiuKdownstuirs. It was ,
Mr. Bowser. He never missed a step. It '
-riaraiTi:piTiTiTiniV imr" ir rVN-ri" "SX 1 , nril. j
Castorl is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infitnts
and Cbildren. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor
other Karcotlc substance It isa harmless substitate
for Paregoric Drops, Soothing Syrups, and Castor Oil.
It Is Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years use by
Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys Worms and allays
feverishness. Caetoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd,
enres Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves
" teething troubles, cures constipation and. flatulency,
Castoria assimilates tbo food, regulates the stomach
and .bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas
. toria is the Children's Panacea the Mother's Friend.
" Castoria Is an excellent niedlctne for chil
dren. Hotfeers have repeatedly told me of its
good effect upon their children."
Da. u. c H-moooo,
Castoria Is the best remedy for children of
which I am acquainted. I hope the day is not
far distant when mothers will consider the real
Interest of their children, and use Castoria in
stead of the raricus quack nostrums which are
destroyinc their loved ones, by forcins opium.
morrbine, soothing syrup and other hurtful
agents down their throats, thereby sending
jtbem to premature cr."
L'B. J. F . AJ3CBXV,
" Castoria is so veil adapted to chOdren that
I recommend it as superior to any pieauipUaa
known to me."
TX. A. Attcmra, X. D,
Hi So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, If. T.
" Our physiciara fn the children! depati
tnent have spoken highly of their experi
ence la their outside practice vriia Castoria,
and althcucb. we only have amoeg ur
medical supplies what is knowa a tender
products, yet we are free to confess that tba
merits if Castoria has won us to look wllk
favor iron it."
Ukito Bospxtal asi DrsnsnABi,
Auts C. Smth. fret..
The Caotaor Ctaipiuy, 17 M array- S treat, Vear Tork City.
A HANDFUL OF DIRT MAY BE A HOUSE
FUL OF SHAME." CLEAN HOUSE WITH
An American Fable.
A traveler over a certain highway was
ctoppud by a robber, who made the usual
demand, accompanied by the usual horse
pistol. The traveler shelled out every dol
lar he had with great promptness, but after
he had done so be raised his voice in lam
entation and cried:
'Alas! it needed onlvthis to undo me,
and I am a ruined man!"
'You have given me only $50," replied
the robber as be counted the cash.
"Let me explaiu the case. I am in trou
ble with my neighbor about a line fence. I
was ou my way to see a lawyer and retain
him to briuK suit. Having been robbed of
my money, I shall not now be able to secure
'ily dear man," said the robber as he
spat over his riht shoulder for luck, "you
should congratulate j ourself on t his fortu
nate meeting. Had you liegun suit, your
neighbor would have been compelled to de-
feud it, hue the courts might have set
tled the question in time, both far 111s mould
long before have passed into the hands of
the lawyers. It is true that you lost (M in
cash, but at the same time you save a farm
and the troubles and anxieties of a law
suit. Again, the neighbor you are at war
with happens to be my uucle, and bavin?
saved his farm from the lawyers he will
now lie quite willins to move that line
fence inches aud thus settle the point
iu dispute forever. Takeu all around '-
bay no more: joyfully interrupted the
traveler as he extended his baud. "I see
how it is and appreciate your kindness and
self sacrifice. You are not only welcome to
my money, but shall have half of my buck
Whenever you would go to law, try to
meet a roblier somewhere. AL Ol'AU.
What is the condition of yours? ts your hair dry,
harsh, brittle ?xDoes it split at the ends? lias it aC
liXeless appearance? Does it fail out when combed or Si
brushed? is it fu!I of dandruff ? Does your scslp iich ?
Is it rtrv or in a heated condition ? If these ere some of i
your symptoms be warned ia time or you will become bald.
reseiirx'h. Kurm-ietlire of the disease of the ii&ir AEt acalD led to tLe dlscor- i
cry of tiowta treat tliem. kooktira "coutalna neii her Qiioeravlstfenroll?. It
the faliMlc it sloj uUkm.g huir, cum damdrmjf mi grots hair em 6atd ,
. trr Keep the rm)n cui. hc!thT, twd free fmm Irrtttet tr'jrtkww- hy 1
tutd destroy the hair,
Ii T'liurdn'rcI.'traaTir.tgnrTilTTOiif'rid tflrret tr tBfc Ett w wffl f'i iin .
prepaid, m cs tptol fiue oruis cr, $ia) per uulUe ; 4 Xor ZjAJik, Soap, Sue .
per jar; qwi --j.
THE SKOOXUn ROOT HAIR GROWER CO-
sBArrWARK S? ymik riftk Atnn. Km Tk. . T.
f. nifrrmi -
Heating and Ventilating Engineers,
Gas and Steam Fitting,
Cardinal Richelieu once listened to au
earnest sermon by a shoemaker. The mau
was simple aud unaffected aud apparently
not at all dismayed by the presence of the
"How could you preach to mo with so
much confidence?" Kichclieu asked him iu
"MouMirneUi, replied the shoemaker.
"I learned my sermon by reciting it to a
fit-Id of cabbage heads iu the midst of
which was one red one. and this practice
enabled me to breach to you." Youth's
Uits riul erly I passed by a candy store
yesterdav, but didn't go in.
lounir Tutter by, how was that? 1
didn't suppose you ever could pass a candy
store wit bout going in.
Aiiss I'lnkrrly Don t you remember f
You were with me! Trnth.
A complete line of Pipe, Braes Goods, Packing Hose,
Fire Brick Etc. Largest and best equipped
establishment west of Chicago.
OAVIU tsiAJum. Atolire, HI
1 12. 1 14 West Seventeenth at.
Residence Taleohone 1 109
IIWI B Bs
18C3 Second Arenuej
critter rolled off his beast and stood on the
i steps and waved bis arms and shouted:
"I am a livin thunderbolt from Mount
i San Francisco, which is 40,0uu feet h)L;tl and
..i.i... i i .i ;ii.. cduck iuh oi KDzr.iy u ars, rattlesnakes
""" ...v... . j M.. f. ..i .i .....
KM rlrno srtor In first class lilav. TLTe i ""l""' J
were eiht steps, and Mr. llowser uttered ud r drink cold piaea. W hen I roll my
ciKht yells. As be brouht op at the hot- r, ,,(, 1?-" "BUU, np
torn one of hU feet struck the ball tree and I -J" J. " "
tirait.andtheotheracntachau-crabhingi W?0"".11" bUake8 A ,oa
..,i...t th. . .1., . " " uo won i tail
" " A I 1. I l.lr mt liiml Wl l -U-.
-Arm un hurt tr tlioiml MciWrd I - " """
Usl H the dust settled down. i critter wUl refuse to tell rue of a place whar
Brown Jones is an odd stick. His wife
gave him a letter to mail the other day, aud
what do you suppose be did with rtf
feuuth I can t iiiiRwnne.
Urown by, mailed it of course.
Mr. Bowser slowly cot np and limped into
the aitUsg room and sat down. For 10 min
utes he sat and glared at Mrs. bowser in a
old and atony way and then finally acid:
I kin sit buzzsaws, bowie knives, b'ars'
claws and mewls hoofs for luncheon t"
The city marshal would have taken the
atranger in and cared for him, but he re-
1 - . a. , ,1 1 I - '
u- in l i n . 1...1. - i.- sisusu amas nuu nuiieu u kuds. j ue re-
.iw.,.nn..i ...J.ni wm.f.t.t.l. acnniuiaee, iu which he was
that o'clock train for your mother's. You
can tvtvs the custody of the child, and our
killed, with no one to blame but himself.
Uia grave is the second one to the right as
First Passenger I wonder why we are
making such a long stop at this station?
Second l'ayseuger (a traveler of experi
ence) I presume it is because no one hap
pens t be trying to catch the train. Tit-
I A rropositiaa.
Professor Succi Tauna What will yon
pay me to undertake a 40 day fast at your
Manuger Well, I'll pay your board while
vou fcibt. Puck.
SEIYESS & ANDEIS0N.
CONTRACTORS and BUILDERS
All Kinds ol Carpenter Work Done.
' . Qeaeral )obking dona oe short actica and ntiarsctloa goarantecd.
OOhaa mm Kb Tgl Twalftli Str t, . ROCK If LAND
B. F. DeGEAB,
Contractor and Builder.
Office and Shop 225 Eighteenth Street
ROCK ISLAND, ILL.
SBTAJl kinds of Ou pester work a sperialty. Flans sa4 eitiavitca foe all Idads of brfate it
Iamltlw4 oa laylrn w.