Newspaper Page Text
THE AE&US, THURSDAY, DECEMBER 31, 1903.
SHE WANTED TO
Copyright, 19C3, by
f S the clock struck 12 and the
bells began noisily proclaiming
. to the world that the new year
hud arrived a look of grim de
termination passed over the face of
Katharyn Jones. She locked both doors
leading from the room, carefully In
spected the windows to see if they
were, securely fastened, and then she
glided to the side of Reuben Kiddes.
"Mr. Kidder Reuben oh. may I call
you Reuben?" she said softly.
"Why, certainly if It will give yon
' pleasure," the young man replied,
dropping his eyes before her gaze.
"Reuben Rube Rubey, there is some
thing I have long wished to say to you,"
she went on. "and the auspicious, the
psychological moment has just arrived.
"DO YOU THINK WOMEf SHOULD"
Did you know that according to the
old English of the dictionary it is now
"Lepe-zere?" the young man faltered.
"What is lepe-zere?"
"They call it blaup-ar in Icelandic.
Did you know it was hlaup-ar?" she
asked, ignoring his query.
"Well, no, I can't say that I did."
"Yes, it is now schrickeljaer, as they
say in middle Dutch," Katharyn con
tinued firmly. "There's no getting
around it, Rubey; it is lepe-zere, hlaup
ar, schrickeljaer, and and don't you
"I I know a little table d'hote
French," said Reuben, "but old Eng
lish, middle Dutch and Icelandic arc
all Greek to" .
ne did his best to look puzzled. He
also looked a bit frightened.
"Reuben Kidder," said the girl, "as
A NEW YEAR'S CALL
5Y SANTA GLAUS
"TP VER.YTIIING about Christ-
mas is a chestnut nowadays,"
J jf cried Jack Bouncer to his
brothers, yawning with ju
venile ennui after a late hanging of the
stockings. "Say we hit something new
this New Year's."
"Spring it, Jack," said Jim. "I'm
tired of nothin' but candy 'n' sleds 'v.'
coinf utters 'n mittens. We'd get 'em
anyway. If all Christmases 's got to
be like that let's pull up on ?'ew
"I'm for inviting Santa Claus to make
a social call on us New Year's," said
"Uooray !" shouted three sma n voices,
including that of four-year-o ld Willie,
who was merely tolerated in the
"Yes," continued Jack, v.hile the oth
ers stood open mouthed, waiting for
the plot. "We can wrijtjj him an invi
tation now and pin it on a stocking."
"Hooray for old Sa nta and New
Year's! Of course he'll come."
"But not in his big boots, shaggy
coat 'n fur cap," Jim twt in. "All the
fellers in town, 'u'd tag after him 'n
spoil our fun."
"That's right," said Tom. "You see.
he's goin' to call in the parlor like a
gentleman. Tell him that. Jack, in the
, "But s'posin' that's all the clothes
he's got," interposed Jim. "Blow do we
"I say. Jack." said Tom. "This is
great, 'n' we cr.n't stand a muff. Let's
lend him a suit o' dad's."
"Just the thing. Dad's got plenty 'n
won't mias 'em."
So while Jack scrawled a note to thfs
effect that the Bouncer brothers Jacfc.
Jim and Tom would be pleased to en
tertain Santa Claus in the parlor of
their home on New Year's Jim and
Tom got ont and packed Bouncer p&ce's
best dress suit, including overshoes and
crush hat. Upon this the iiot was
pinned conspicuously and the package
placed underneath the stockings so that
only a blind Santa Claus could m.ss it.
"I think you're real mean not to put
my namein. too." whined Willie.- as the
three conspirators rubbed thelj- hands
in glee and marched off to bed. "Santa
Claus knows me, if I am onlyfour."
"Ah, Santa Claus don't talk- to kids,"
said Jim. "Anyway, you ctvi see him.
What more do you want?"
"I say it's mean, there?' protested
Willie, with his face t.o tfcre wall, sob
blng. , . i V
About daylight. Santa sneaked in to
fill the stockings and found the package
d ... By ...
Earle Hooker Eaton
Earle Hooker Eaton
the Danes would remark, skudaar has
arrived; as the Germans would observe,
it Is now schaltjahr; as the Swedes
would say, it is skottar; as the Ital
ians would declare, anno bisestile is
with us, and, as the Portuguese would
intimate, anno bissexto is here after
long and weary years of absence. Do
you hear, Rsuben Kidder, it is schrick
eljaer, lepe-zere, hlaup-ar, skudaar,
schaltjahr, skottar, anno bissestile, an
"Why, I I didn't know it was as
bad as all that," Reuben said sorrow
fully. "Pretty rough on the alphabet,
isn't it? Oh!" he added suddenly.
"Why, of course. To be sure. Cer
tainly. Dow stupid of me! You mean
that it's leap year."
"Ah!" she whispered softly. "How
did you ever guess it? Do you know,
Reuben, what happened on leap year?"
"Sure!" he said promptly. "One day
more in the year. Seems funny to
have 3GC days instead of 3G3, doesn't
it? That reminds me of a story"
"Reuben," she interrupted firmly,
"something else happened something
more important. Now, tell me frankly.
Do you think women should should"
"No!" he cried, glancing toward the
two locked doors.
"Do you think women should" she
"Not much!" he broke in. "Not in a
hundred years! It is unwomanly. It
His voice quavered, and he looked
about him nervously, as if seeking
some avenue of escape.
"As I was about to remark, Reuben,"
she went on coldly, implacably, "do
3'ou think the women of this country
With a moan he ran across the room,
fumbling at the doora with trembling
fingers. Both were not only locked, but
the keys Avere in her pocket. And who,
who, he thought, could ever find a wo
man's pocket? lie glanced with long
ing eyes toward the windows, but her
tall, willowy, determined form was be
tween them and him.
Seizing him by one arm, Katharyn
Jones led him back to his chair, into
which he collapsed like a punctured
"Reuben Kidder," she cried, placing
the keys to both doors in his nerveless
fingers, "Reuben Kidder, do you think
women should totet"
Wildly shrieking, Skudaar, schalt
jahr, hlaup-ar, 8kotar. scbriokel.laer'"
ho bolted through one of the unbolted
doors and trotted a two minute mile
between Kathar, n Jones and his own
bachelor fireside without the aid of a
single pacemaker or wind shield.
and note. It was a bright Idea, and he
and Mrs. 'Bouncer resolved to push the
fun along.' They even invited some
friends 'co time their own visits to the
hour when Santa should call.
Tho secret was well kept on both
side?, for even disgruntled Willie
did'j't "squeal." The boys set four
ch-jjrs, only four, in a circle near the
r'.-gister for the confab of Santa with
'-he three "big" Bouncer boys and were
on tenter hooks all the afternoon wait
ing for the royal visitor. It was late
twilight and the parlor comfortably
filled with neighbors when Mr. Santa
Claus was formally announced. Mrs.
Bouncer received the card and handed
"GREAT SCOTT !" CRIED SANTA.
it to Jack, who ceremoniously relieved
the guest of his hat and a great coat,
in keeping with the dress suit, but
not thought of by the boys In their
haste. The flowing -white beard and
bushy gray locks were unmistakably
those of the children'9 patron saint.
Jack gravely introduced the caller to
Jim and Tom. Santa spoke in a hoarse
whisper, explaining that he had caught
a heavy cold on Christmas. As Jack
waved the visitor to a chair Mrs. Boun
cer started to suggest further introduc
tions, thus disconcerting Jack, who
pointed out the wrong seat, "riease
be seated," he stammered.
Santa dropped with very much of an
at home air, but Immediately bounded
tip, yelling in the undisguised voice of
Bouncer pere, "Great Scott!"
"It's dad! It's only dad after all!"
shouterl Willie, gleefully dancing
around the room. "I put th? tacks on
Jack's own chair 'cause he was mean
enough to leave me out Kids ain't so
slow, be they, ma?"
GEORGE WALTON JANES.
i Senator Dolliver has no daughters
who have grown to woman's estate,
and therefore until a day or two ago
was not fully aware what expensive
notions they sometimes cultivate.
" The fair daughter of one of his new
colleagues In the house was shopping
"for a fine pocketbook. She shopped in
the house store, where the members
have a stationery allowance, but noth
ing there quite pleased her. It was sug
gested that she go to the senate store,
where more luxurious articles are said
to be on sale. There the young lady
found something very much to her
"Wait a momeut," said her fond fa
ther, who has recently come to the
house and is not well acquainted on the
north side of the capitol. "I will get
Senator Dolliver to arrange for an ex
change on my stationery account."
The generous juuior senator would
not hear of it. "Get the pocketbook for
the young lady," said he, "and have it
charged against my allowance." No
protests availed, and the senator him
self descended to the store to personally
supervise the bargain.
Mr. Dolliver did not flinch when the
dainty article was found to be worth
well nigh a day's salary. lie admired
it, looked at the clerk and observed
"That old color looks as though the
book had been in stock. Don't you of
fer a little discount for that reason?"
"It's the color which makes it both
stylish and valuable," remarked the
clerk. The deal wa3 forthwith closed,
and the young lady regards Mr. Dol
liver as about the nicest man in the
EtUinette of the Chair.
When the secretary of the senate ap
pears at the head of the center aisle of
the house with an official message
Speaker Cannon's backbone becomes as
rigid as a ramrod.
Early in the extra session, when Mr.
Car.acn was still new to his job and
wss taking lessons in tho etiquette of
the chair from his elbow man, as all
new speakers must do, the senate's sec
retary pushed through the double doors
at the main entrance. One of the door
keeper's assistants announced him
formally, as usual:
"Mr. Speaker, a message from the
senate," at the same time making the
customary profound bow.
"It Is proper at this point for the
speaker to bow," whispered Mr. Can
non's elbow man.
"Bow ?" returned the speaker in a re
bellious semitone and adding one of
his famous expletives of four letters.
"I wouldn't bow to the blank senate,
and I won't bow to its secretary."
Therefore, instead of bending grace
fully, Mr. Cannon Ftood perfectly-upright,
and he stands that way when
ever the senate deigns, la the fashion
prescribed by hoary precedents, to in
form him and the house otilcially what
it has been doing.
A Friend In Need.
Representative "Dry Dollar" Sullivan
was the object the other day of heart
felt gratitude from one of his east side
constituents. It was a youth of sport
ing proclivities who has been following
the races and in pursuit of that calling
came to the Bennings track.
This and much more was told in a
somewhat illegible note which Mr. Sul
livan received a couple of days ago. It
was written by the lad while in dur
ance vile, he having been placed there
by decision of the judge of the Wash
ington police court. He had won a
wad of money on the Bennings track
and started out to celebrate in Wash
ington along the lines that are entirely
au fait in some sections of Gotham.
The name of the unfortunate was a
strange one to Mr. Sullivan, so he re
ferred the letter to his chief 'of staff,
Billy Watson, known as Tammany's
minority employee in the house. Wat
son, who knows everybody within Tam
many precincts, knew the youfh and
Forthwith Sullivan paid the boy's
line and purchased for him a ticket
home. There is at least one boy now
who thinks the east side congressman
fit to be president.
President Geta a Snake.
The president has not only received
a live wildcat recently, but hi? list of
curiosities from friends has been In
creased by what is called a glass snake,
sen. him by a Florida citizen. The
snake, although classed under the
name of "glass," was a living reptile,
its chief characteristic and the one
from which it derives its name being
brittleness. To the touch the snake is
hard and shows neither sinuosity nor
liveliness. If struck a hard blow it
breaks to pieces almost like glass. The
reptile was sent to the Washington
zoo, where it still lives, although minus
a part of its tail, which became discon
nected by a severe shaking up. The
reptile Is about sixteen inches long and
In Florida and portions of the south
where it Is found has a number of
names, that of "glass" being the fa
vorite. The snake reached the White
Ilouse by express in a small box.
Mr. Payne's Wit.
Charlotte Smith Is a local crusader.
Every member of congress and cabinet
officer knows her, for she is constantly
advocating reforms of various kinds to
them. A time ago she came into the
postoffice epartment and made a prop
osition concerning a postoffice move
ment to Private Secretary Whitney.
Mr. Whitney told Postmaster General
Fayne about it. "
"Who sent that in?" asked Payne.
"Charlotte Smith." said Whitney.
"Pshaw!" replied the postmaster gen
eral. "She fathers everything and
. CARL SCHOFIELD. .
No appetite, loss of strength,
nervousness, headache, constipation,
bad breath, general debility, sour ris
ings, and catarrh of the stomach are
all due to Indigestion. Kodol cures
Indigestion. This new discovery repre
sents the natural juices of digestion
as they exist in a healthy stomach,
combined with the greatest known tonic
and reconstructive properties. Kodol
Dyspepsia Cure doe3 not only cure In
digestion and dyspepsia, but this famous
remedy cures all stomach troubles by
cleansing, purifying, sweetening and
strengthening the mucous membranes
lining the stomach.
DIGESTS WHAT YOU EAT
Gives Health to tbe Sick and
6trcngth to th Weak.
Bottles only. $1.00 Size holdlne 2M tlms
. tho trial size, which sells for 50c
Prepared by B. 0. IX Witt & Co., Chicago.
jam! all fine eastern Eroods. fresh
Ifit all times. Get your holi-H
317 Twentieth Street. ti
Dre sing for the Holiday
is a time when one wants to look
his best, and that no one can do
without perfectly laundered linen.
By means of our skill," experience
and careful attention to details we
will do the laundering, and when
you once get your Ehirts, collars
and cuffs done up by us there will
be no trouble in you doing the rest.
. Twelfth Street and Fifth Avenue.
It's a Pleasure
a good cigar. If you have not
tried our cigars you have yet to
learn what really good cigars
are never permitted to form a
part of our stock. If you want
something nice in cigars, to
bacco, pipes and smokers arti
cles give us a call.
S. f.l. Arndt & Co.,
Bengston Block, 1706 Second Ave
, i, I l i i wmLf
Mill III I mi' I
If price slashing will move
of shoes it certaiiw will not a:a. ;
long to close it out.
A Few of GAe Miy Bargains:
Men's '0c Slippers, "X 15 SI-jO Shoes, all "les, 1ft
now ?JC no AiXO
Women's, Misses' ai d Children's Vel- C , ,
vet Slippers Z.JC Vo l.s' $1.25 Shoes, all styles,
Women's ISutton Sloes, in turn nnd CT7-
wc!t soles, $3 values J m C
Littr Gents' $1.25 Shoes, all styles,
W. L. Douglas $3.50 Shoes, y C "V
now tm m J
Hannn & Son's $5 Shoes, Cfl J"1' ' first fl"ality II,1,,bers 55C
Bring us your old disc records that
you have grown tired of (either Co
lumbia or Victor), and we will ex
change them for the new Improved
Columbia Disc Records. X& will al
low you 30 cents for jour 10-inch
record and other sizes in proportion.
The new Improved Columbia Records
are of elegant workmanship and are
a decided advancement in the art of
record making. They have a full,
sweet tone, and owing to the manner
in which they are made they have a
less scratching tone; the needle seems
to run smoother on the record. We
also wish, to introduce to yoxir notice
the new Grand Opera Sound Box,
which J9 designed to obviate the
scratch of the needle and) at the same
time retain the full volume of tone.
We will exchange the new Grand
Opera Sound Box for any of the old
style Columbia sound boxes now on
the market. Call at onr wnrerooms
and get our plan of exchange We
carry the largest line of records in
Graphaphcne headquarters at
1600-1609 y3 Second Ave iue.
tTr3",N STOPPED FREE
(i vV Permanently Cured by
I i DR- KLIJ,E'S GREAT
1 n-'IUCDiJC orcTonrn
-4 OOWFTlTATrajr fmul vr .u. trr.it.. ia4
I A itAAJu. AJ A i rti.lJ.hl
j rsmuest out
Nlr taWM Ktt trr .11
I j DoB-w.jDcMiity. xJuatio' rMliii.
III II I V.r-.itnrm-w C r-.rn.arr. m a. T7l . .
4-a C J! --"
1705 Second Avenue.
No Experiment. Positive Relief Assured. No Fail
. ures, When Directions are Carried Out.
Vll other systems may
method of cirirtg. Xo disease exists without nerve,
strain or nerve pressure.
75e strain and pressure removed and nature
rights the wrong. The blood becomes contaminated
"with poison because of nerve strain or nerve pres
sure. Every disea.se known to humanity curable. Dis
ease causes are simply conditions, due to Nervous
Strain or Impediment.
Eye-Stra.in Corrected and Spinal nerve pressure
removed, cure a.11 ills.
A. P. DAVIS, M . D.,
NEUROPATHIST AND OPHTHALM OLOGI3T
Suite 42, Mitchell & Lvnde building-. Office hours 9 to 12 m.; 2 to 5 p.m.
I cure Piles,
Constipation, Fissures, and all oth
er Rectal and Intestinal Diseases
without pain or the knife.
Every victim of piles knows too
well the uiscomiort ana annoyance
T,., , '.,.(
they cause. Piles are always an indi-.
. . , i i i a. i '
cation of disorder which, if neglected
. . , , , ., . . i
well the discomfort and annoyance
certainly- leads to the most serious
rectal and intestinal diseases
I cure pik'w, allaying the rectal in
flammation and removing its causes.
Many diseases and disorders of th
delicate female organs are the vesuln
of rectal ailments and cannot b.' cure,
until the cause is removed. Thou'-'f
ands of women are suffering daily tor'
tures from female disorders because
their physicians have not discovered
that the cause of their trouble is sonle
rectal disease. I have given specill
attention during my years of stwVy
fail. This is Nature s own.
nnd practice to the reflex action of
rectal diseases on. the female) organs
and have cured hundreds of c-ases of
female disorders which have baffled
other physicians for years. vjY"ornejj
suffering from diseases peculfi?"Cc
their sex which their physicians have
been unable to cure .should consult
me. My office offers every privacy
and female attendants are at the ser
vice of my patients.
I cure all disorders of the Rectum'
The entire digestive tract from the
tomach to the rectum is one of my
Specialties. My methods of treatment
"'offer a certain cure for all diseases
of this portion of the human system
; ana tneir renexes wnmeier a cure is
i -n t a
possible to human skill. I o
' , , f T --
take all cases, but I guarai
, 'T . ,
cure whenever I take a cae.
I am especially desirous ot cases
which other physicians have failed to
cure. Physicians having obstinatd
cases under treatment are invited to
eonsult me, free of charge.
Call and investigate. Consultation
Dr. Home's Bio-Chemic treatment
and the free X-RAY EXAMINATION
Mitchell & Lynde Bldg., Rock Inl
and. Take elevator to 4th flocr.
Rooms 49, 50 and 51. Hours 9 to
Evenings 7 to 8. Sunday 9 to 12.