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c ,THE ARGUS, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 21, 1907. GEORGE ADE FABLES The Galley Slave Who Was Just About to, but Never Did. I1C CAME INTO THE CUTAWAY. Copyright. 1D0!. 1003. by Robert Howard RushpIL i-' U Once there was a Youth who tac kled the M ercan tile Ca reer at a very light Stipend. Ills chief Ambition in LIfo was to get so far ahead of the Game that he could af ford a nice Cuta way Suit, a swell Derby for Sunday, and a 11-karat De Beers set in a massive Gold Hand. Ho learned to embrace the Country Trade and talk 175 Words per Minute, so that in a little while he had an Offer from an Opposition Concern. Whereupon he said he hated to leave, but and the House stood for an In crease. He came Into the Cutaway nnd the Ring, and then he found that he need ed a Spike-Tail and a Folding-Hat and a Cape-Coat. Ills Olud Raiment car ried him right Into Sussiety, and he began to meet Gazelles that suited him, so he figured on the Probable Ex pense of Keeping House. He thought that If he could annex a good-looking Tot tie with large, soul ful Eyes, and take an Apartment and keep a Girl, then he would be fixed for imre. So he went out for more Salary and carried the Bank-Book next to his Heart At last the l'roud Day arrived when he had his own Flat, with a rented Piano in the Front Boom and Tidies on the Chairs. Before the Lease expired' Pet discovered that the DIning-Boom was too small, aud be gan to dream Dreams of a House of tlwlr Own In which thev could Enter tain. So he tncked back his Cufl's and ' took a fresh Grip on the World of , Trade, and boned like a Turk, making Payments on the House. He was be ginning to look round-shouldered, but he drank plenty of Coffee and smoked fat Cigars and buekled down. lie had it all planned to take a good Best ns soon as he had lifted the Mortgage. He went so far as to send out for Time-Tables and look at the Pictures of People sitting around in Steamer Chairs enjoying the Sea Air. j He would have taken a nice, long Vacation, only he saw a Chance to j break into the Firm. Accordingly he j went in Debt tip to his Eyes. He would lie awake at Night easting tip his Liabilities and computing Interest. H talked to himself on the Street, and acted just the least bit Dippy. But he was determined to swing the Deal, and then, as soon as ho was out of the Woods, he could take a Trip and hang around Picture-Galleries. For Years he had said that it was a Crime for any one Man to pile up more than $100,000. as soon ns he went above that Figure it was a Case of sitting up Nights to count it. As soon as lie had that Hundred Thousand raked up and tied in bundles, then for a Quiet Spot near a Body of Water and a Naphtha Launch and the free, open Lifevof the Golf Links. To the Hote Fellow, 100.000 Sa moleous In one Lump looks big ger than the Union Station, but the Man who is being gnawed by the Mazuina Bacillus thinks he is a Tauper unless ho can count up Seven Figures. He is always Bizlng up alongside of Rockefeller and Morgan, and he feels like a Piker sit ting in a stiff Poker Game with one White Seed. Just about the time the Business Man counted up $100,000 to the Good he discovered that he needed seven Servants around the House. And the Missus could float downtown on a sun ny Afternoon and make $1,000 look like a PIncU of Small Chnnge. He set his Mark at One Million, Then, when he had that, out to the Sylvan Dell. He wa3 going to be a Gentleman Farmer. Every. Office Bulldlnar on Earth la congested with hollow-eyed Prisoners who are planning to be Gentleman Farmers. About next Year or Year after away from the Hurly Burly and nothing to do except raise Chickens. All of them have those Chicken Dreams. This Business Man whom we are describing even went so far as to pick out the kind of Chickens he was going to raise Plymouth Rocks. He figured how many Eggs he could get per Hen, and sometimes, when the Pencil was working well, he estimated that he could make the Place self-supporting. In tho mean time he was humping himself aud eating Pepsin Tablets and taking a little something every Night to make him Sleep. The Business hud developed so that he had fourteen Push-Buttons In front of him. and kept two Stenographers busy, and was jumping from the Long Distance rhone to the Private Office most of the Time, and chewing up 30 cent Cigars, nnd in other Ways giving a correct Imitation of a Man who has a large and ambitious Family ou Hand. He legan to look Wild out of the Eyes and had a severe Case of the Jumps, but he had to postpone that Rest for a little While, lecause no one else understood all the Details of the Business. When the Doctor hinted about Nerv ous Prostration he said that he was trying to get the whole Organization down to a System, so that Island are visiting with their sister, Mrs. Arthur Miller, this week. Rev. Mr. Jaggers and family left on Tuesday to visit with friends in Iowa during the first camp meeting week. Beth Heath of Davenport spent Tues day at the home of D. T. Little. Ethel and Ruby Young visited a few days last week with Charles Edging- ton's,' near Washington, Iowa. Lottie Kell of Rock Island spent a few days with her brother, Roy Kell. Lottie and Grace are expecting to take up the work as nurses in the hospital (his fall. ' The storm of Thursday night rent the show tent from top to bottom. This show has been in Taylor Ridge just one week. HIM I WOULD BE ALT. RIGHT IN A DAY OK SO. some one else could step in and run it, after which he expo cted to take a Place in the Coun try and raise C h 1 ckens. lie told the Chic ken Story so often h e began to believe i t himself. In order to system- a t i z e the REYNOLDS. Mrs. John Ohlweiler and son, Wil liam of Rock Island spent several days last week with Mrs. Mary Zeigler. Misses Esther and Sadie Smith Sailie Johnston and Ora Johnston re turned Friday evening from their trip to Niagara. James Gauley of Rock Island is vis iting his brother J. A. Gauley. Smith Ferguson of Annawan is the guest this week of his friend, Cyrus Wait Mrs. and Mrs. Letamor Johnston of Pawnee City. Neb. are visiting at the home of Mrs. Johnston's parents, Mr and Mrs. J. S. Far well. Mr. and Mrs. Charles A. Minter are spending the week at the camp ground. Miss Catherine Danielson returned to her home in Rock Island Saturday morning after a week's visit in Rey nolds. Eugene Wait is visiting at the horn of his grandmother, Mrs. C. C. Wait. Mrs. J. B. McConnel and children who have been spending the summer at this place left Tuesday morning for their home at Hagerman, N. M. W. J. McEntire returned Saturday 1L 11 THEY' RE AT THE DAVENPORT MILE TRACK The best and fastest field of horses ever entered. Only Two More Days. Thursday and Friday Train leaves the Rock Island depot every 15 minutes after 12 o'clock. Round trip, 20 cents. "Come up and get your money" U4 R. 6f1 SPEED BUG INFECTS LOCAL AUTOISTS SINCE OLDFIELD'S COMING IS SURE what a number of local Barney Oh!- from a few days' vinit with relatives fields every town has. and until tho Speeding and tuning of automobiles ; not onlv lower the tiack record 1.0:1 hut to f-lip all his miles through under the minute clip, while the Sioux City record of 57 1 r will be handed a slap which will let the mark sue; is now the order ot the day in the three, cities and every one with the speed bug is giving it exorcise. Funny at Erie, III. Lewis Hauck left last week for Ti- champion leaves the city behind they are all it. but after they see the Green inaKiiis; mo turns under a minute olu and see the car swerve and skid thev lose the idea that they are champion ship timber. "Yes it is a good thing" said tlv chief of police of Davenport today. 'to have this Oldtield here. When he leaves all those fehows who have been hooping us busy and have been think ing that thev were it. will decide tlint kilwa where he has accepted the posi- Dragon driven by the real champi-vi tion of assistant station agent. -Mrs. Savage is at home again aft.r a stay of several weeks out of town. Stuart Kreps of Silvis visited over Sunday with his parents Mr. and Mrs C. M. Kreps. Harrison Kell who has been work ai Miivis is at home recovering from some bruises received by a too c!oe contact with a moving engine. Misses Daisy and Lily Bell of New speed is not their forte and then then Liberty. 111. are the guests of Miss I will not be so much scorching." Maud Swartout. Every one with a speed can of anv A number of Reynolds cirls went tc kind believes that he is the fasto-1: . .!.!, , . .l. x ....... Lnnro Business so that he could turn it ' lower Tuesday and spent wlu,e 11 1S Tn,e inai uu ,t ar over to some one else and then .have .a ver' Peasant day. some cars here which are speedy, still his Vacation, he becau to nut in 16 Mrs. M. W. Cochrane and children o'l'hey ar?. fortunately for the walking hours a Day. and landed in the largo i st- Louis, Mo. arrived Monday mom- public, not all so Corner Room, with a Trained Nurse ,nS fnr a visit with J. C. Moore and Miles in less than a minute is tin nutting Ice on his Head and telllue imiiy. common talk on the streets and every r loyu .Moore returned home Mondav owner of a bisr car expeets to drive at evening, having spent several weeks least that fast. When they have the with relatives at Ainsworth. Iowa. stop watches on them however it wi'I Miss Mary Brandberg of Preemption I ,,p different. Each fellow who nurses spent Sunday with her friend, Dora M'"1 speed microbe imagines that h's now. go devil is it and until the race.? Gust Olson spent Sunday with lite show on the scene he has become a wife and children at the camp ground. I post. lie watches his spoodmoto Miss Myrtle Hammond of Davenport I show about 91 miles an hour while ho is visiting at J. B. Vance's. is following a herd ot cows, he passe? A special train Sunday morning every street car when it stops on the brought out about three hundred lambs corner and then he has it bad. for R. P. Wait. The Davenport mile track is fast an 1 Mr. nnd Mrs. E. L. Cooper spent Barney Oldfield promises Sunday to Sunday with Mr. Cooper's father James Cooper, near Hamlet. Miss Jessie Booth of Silvis visited her friend Miss Fstelle Kreps fro'ii Saturday until Tuesday. here. Special arrangements to hand'o the crowds will be made. Train serv ice to handle the largest number pus s'ble is now under way. while the management will also try to get spe-- inl bus :-ervice to carry - people from the car line if the service if the ear does not look sufficient to handle tho record nreak'.ng crowd which will he m attendance. A spetial band lias been engaged i j piny from :'.',:) giving a band cmccr;. while the races wiil stLjrt at 2::! an the band will play during the rhrt n the champion and the local drivers compete. COMPETENT JUDGES. Beauty Judges Endorse Herpicide. Women who make a business of beautifying other women eome pretty luer knowing what wiil bring about the be-t results. Here are letters from two. concerning llerpkidr : ''I can recommend Xewhro's Herpi cide, as it slopped my hair from felling out. and, as a dressing, it lias no super ior. (Signed) "Bertha A. Tnillinger, "Coniplexinn Specialist. "Vi Morrison street. Portland. Ore." "After using oik bottle of Herpicide my hair has stopped falling out and my scalp is entirely free from dandruff. (Signed) "Grace Dodge. "I!i ae.ty Doctor. "i:C Sixth street. Pot Hand. Ore." Sold by leading druggists. Send in IS APPOINTED DELEGATE TO GENERAL CONVENTION Rev. G. H. Sherwood to Go to Rich mond in Place of Dean Moore. teimissions. Soei. ty which has put n.?: cents m stajnps lor sampio to the Her- stamp of approval ou the sport of Rrv. Granville H. Sherwood, rector of Trinity parish, has been appointed by 'Bishop M. Edward Fawcett of the diocese of (Juincy, clerical delegate to the triiniiiiil convention of the church to be held in Kiehiiioud in October. Mr. Sherwood goes in place of Dean .Mooie, who was elected by the diocesan convention held in Rock Island. Dean Moore is unable to attend. Tho ap pointment, in addition to carrying with it a great honor, proves a peculiarly happy one for Mr. Sherwood, as Mrs. Sherwood is visiting in Virginia and win return home with her husband. Kodol for indigestion and dyspepsia is a preparation of vegetable acids nnd him he would be all right in a Day or so. He had a ticker put in at one side of the Bed, and kept a Stenographer on hand up to the Afternoon that he de parted this life. It is sald-that when he went to his Reward he was met by a Celestial At tendant, who proved to be the Record ing Angel. "If you're the Recording Angel, get out your Book," said the Business Man. '"I want you to take a few Let ters for me." MORAL: The Chicken Ranch ia al ways in the Future Tense. NEWS OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD w 7? W j FOURTEEN TUSH BUTTON'S IN H10NT OF II1M. When you want a quick cure without any loss of time, and one that is followed by no bad results, use Chamberlain's Colic. Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy It never fails and is pleasant to take. It is equally valuable for children. It ia famous for its cures over a large part oi the civilized world. millionaires and kings ns the raciiu game is called will be present to $vy r coini;ni, ifiion. .micii. i wit contains me same juices lound In a s ixes, r.o cents and $1. T. 11. Thomas, ; healthy stomach. It digests what you special age nt. irat. Sold by all druggists. Lest You Forget J)ON'T be afraid to come, I'.HCAUSE It Don't Hurt a Bit" I I R. ARTIN, 1715 2nd Ave. DENTIST, Rock Island, 111. (Continued from Pago Two.) The Limit of Life. The most eminent medical scientists are unanimous in the conclusion that at her home on Eleventh street. The guest of honor at dinner was Miss Mary Sheppard of Wyoming. The table was , the generally accepted limitation of beautifully decorated In yellow and" human life is many years below tho white, the colors of the society being j attainment possible with the advanced carried out in the dinner. The out of .knowledge of which the race Is now town guests were the Misses Mae and Grace Clark of Rock Island, Mrs. Har riet Danielson. Mrs. Jane Martin, Mrs. Ida Haddick. Miss Ida Higbee of Sher- rard. Miss Evelyn Wilson of Rural. possessed. The critical period, that determines its duration, seems to be between 50 and GO; the proper care of the body during this decade cannot be too strongly urged; carelessness then 111., and Miss Maude Wilson of Chapter , being fatal to longevity. Nature's best "A. I." of Havelock. Neb. The meet- helper after 50 is Electric Bitters, ttuj ing, although the regular monthly one, j scientific tonic medicine that revitu! was part In farewell compliment tojizes every organ of the body. Guar- Miss Grace Clark, president for this year, who leaves next week with an other P. E. O. sister, Miss Harriet Ab bott, to take up a claim in western Kansas, where they are to stay eight months. The Catholic church of Silvis gave a lawn sociable Tuesday evening on the Cox lawn on First avenue, between Tenth and Eleventh streets. TAYLOR RIDGE. W. F. Crawford was a Davenport caller on Monday. Mrs. Jahns visited with friends in Rock Island Monday. Mr. Goss of New Orleans will spend anteed by W. T. Hartz, druggist, 301 Twentieth Etreet. 50c. Kennedy's Laxative Cough Syrup acts gently upon the bowels and clears the whole system of coughs and colds. It promptly relieves inflammation of the throat and allays irritation. Sold by all druggists. Nervous Exhaustion From Hard Work The story that Mrs. B. E. Smith of 222 Bird Ave., Buffalo. N. Y.. tells of the complete recovery of her niece from a most deplorable condition of ex treme weakness and nervousness only the week visiting with his cousins at (Dr. A. W. Chase' Nerve ' Kn. have So com- the home of George Westnhal. lover all nervous affections. Corey Hofer and her cousin Margie !Piete a"d,,5u11 V5 ti,e statemcnt of the were shopping in Rock Island Satur- need only ouote her own 3 aiT day. Mrs. Roy Kell visited in Rock Island Saturday. Mabel Badham of Ainsworth, Iowa, lady says: "My niece, a young lady of 22 years of age, was in a deplorable condition from nervous exhaustion, the result of hard eeneral work. TIir general make-up was of the high strung will visit a few weeks with her grand-, tha h n .hi aPpeti,te was Por- parents, Mr. and Mrs. James Bowes. Miss Grace Hudson of Rock Island spent the week with her cousin, Mrs. W. S. McCulIoch. F. E. Garnett went up to Chicago and back last week. Mr. McBufney of Moline visited with his brother, John McBurney, Thurs day. Mrs. Stag and Mrs. Robert Elliott of Kansas were here to bid good-bye to the latter's brother. D. T. Little. Mr. Little and son Bob left with their car on Wednesday. Gladys and Elisie McBurney of Rock night the heart action was very weak, the slightest exertion bringing on pain about the heart and palpitation. She grew very weak and lost weight rapid ly. I heard of the splendid work of Dr. A. W. Chase's Nerve Pills in such cases and procured some, and I am pleased to say they acted finely she soon rest ed easily at night the headaches stop pedshe picked up in weight the ap petite was good. and. in fact, the change on the whole was most marked and gratifying. As a consequence of this splendid result I can conscientiously and heartily recommend the medicine to others in similar cases. 60c a box at all dealers or Dr. A. W. Chase Medi cine Co., Buffalo. N. Y. - For Sale at Harper House Pharmacy. YOU WILL BE PRESSED FOR MONEY Oftener because you you have no advertising bills to pay than because you have! MANY a business man has been surprised to find that his biggest advertising bills were the easiest ones to pay. This is always true, assuming that they are contracted in buying advertising space in the best newspaper medium in the field. It would, of course, never be true if poor judgment were used in the planning and executing of the advertising campaign. In the cases of prosperous merchants it always happens that big advertising bills and big bank balances grow, together, out of the same publicity campaigns.. Non-prosperous merchants and half-prosperous ones may prove the truth of this matter in a practical way, and in their own experiences. We are accustomed to seeing BIG STORES filled with cus tomers all the time the direct result of BIG ADVERTISING EXPENDITURES. But we do not so often see the small stores and shops crowded. Too many of them are content to get the "over-flow" patronage, the "happened-in" people, the people who go to "the nearest place.' Effective, adequate advertising not only pays for itself it pays for increased equipment and all that goes with a bigger store and growing store-needs. N Y "little store" whose ad vertising expen ditures, for news paper space, are doubled this year will find its sales and profits corre spo ndin sly in crease. Even a small increase of expenditure, in the right direction, for publicity, will bring a notable q u icken in go fsto re activity, store profits.