Newspaper Page Text
,THE ARGUS, WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 21, 1907.
GEORGE ADE FABLES
The Galley Slave Who Was Just About to,
but Never Did.
I1C CAME INTO THE
Copyright. 1D0!. 1003. by Robert Howard
i-' U Once
reer at a
was to get
Derby for Sunday, and a 11-karat De
Beers set in a massive Gold Hand.
Ho learned to embrace the Country
Trade and talk 175 Words per Minute,
so that in a little while he had an
Offer from an Opposition Concern.
Whereupon he said he hated to leave,
but and the House stood for an In
crease. He came Into the Cutaway nnd the
Ring, and then he found that he need
ed a Spike-Tail and a Folding-Hat and
a Cape-Coat. Ills Olud Raiment car
ried him right Into Sussiety, and he
began to meet Gazelles that suited
him, so he figured on the Probable Ex
pense of Keeping House.
He thought that If he could annex
a good-looking Tot tie with large, soul
ful Eyes, and take an Apartment and
keep a Girl, then he would be fixed for
So he went out for more Salary and
carried the Bank-Book next to his
Heart At last the l'roud Day arrived
when he had his own Flat, with a
rented Piano in the Front Boom and
Tidies on the Chairs. Before the
Lease expired' Pet discovered that the
DIning-Boom was too small, aud be
gan to dream Dreams of a House of
tlwlr Own In which thev could Enter
tain. So he tncked back his Cufl's and '
took a fresh Grip on the World of ,
Trade, and boned like a Turk, making
Payments on the House. He was be
ginning to look round-shouldered, but
he drank plenty of Coffee and smoked
fat Cigars and buekled down.
lie had it all planned to take a good
Best ns soon as he had lifted the
Mortgage. He went so far as to send
out for Time-Tables and look at the
Pictures of People sitting around in
Steamer Chairs enjoying the Sea Air. j
He would have taken a nice, long
Vacation, only he saw a Chance to j
break into the Firm. Accordingly he j
went in Debt tip to his Eyes. He
would lie awake at Night easting tip
his Liabilities and computing Interest.
H talked to himself on the Street, and
acted just the least bit Dippy. But he
was determined to swing the Deal, and
then, as soon as ho was out of the
Woods, he could take a Trip and hang
For Years he had said that it was a
Crime for any one Man to pile up
more than $100,000. as soon ns he
went above that Figure it was a Case
of sitting up Nights to count it. As
soon as lie had that Hundred Thousand
then for a
the Union Station, but the Man who is
being gnawed by the Mazuina Bacillus
thinks he is a Tauper unless ho can
count up Seven Figures. He is always
Bizlng up alongside of Rockefeller and
Morgan, and he feels like a Piker sit
ting in a stiff Poker Game with one
Just about the time the Business
Man counted up $100,000 to the Good
he discovered that he needed seven
Servants around the House. And the
Missus could float downtown on a sun
ny Afternoon and make $1,000 look like
a PIncU of Small Chnnge.
He set his Mark at One Million,
Then, when he had that, out to the
Sylvan Dell. He wa3 going to be a
Every. Office Bulldlnar on Earth la
congested with hollow-eyed Prisoners
who are planning to be Gentleman
Farmers. About next Year or Year
after away from the Hurly Burly and
nothing to do except raise Chickens.
All of them have those Chicken
Dreams. This Business Man whom
we are describing even went so far
as to pick out the kind of Chickens he
was going to raise Plymouth Rocks.
He figured how many Eggs he could
get per Hen, and sometimes, when the
Pencil was working well, he estimated
that he could make the Place self-supporting.
In tho mean time he was humping
himself aud eating Pepsin Tablets and
taking a little something every Night
to make him Sleep.
The Business hud developed so that
he had fourteen Push-Buttons In front
of him. and kept two Stenographers
busy, and was jumping from the Long
Distance rhone to the Private Office
most of the Time, and chewing up 30
cent Cigars, nnd in other Ways giving
a correct Imitation of a Man who has
a large and ambitious Family ou
He legan to look Wild out of the
Eyes and had a severe Case of the
Jumps, but he had to postpone that
Rest for a little While, lecause no one
else understood all the Details of the
When the Doctor hinted about Nerv
ous Prostration he said that he was
trying to get the whole Organization
down to a
Island are visiting with their sister,
Mrs. Arthur Miller, this week.
Rev. Mr. Jaggers and family left on
Tuesday to visit with friends in Iowa
during the first camp meeting week.
Beth Heath of Davenport spent Tues
day at the home of D. T. Little.
Ethel and Ruby Young visited a few
days last week with Charles Edging-
ton's,' near Washington, Iowa.
Lottie Kell of Rock Island spent a
few days with her brother, Roy Kell.
Lottie and Grace are expecting to take
up the work as nurses in the hospital
(his fall. '
The storm of Thursday night rent
the show tent from top to bottom. This
show has been in Taylor Ridge just
WOULD BE ALT. RIGHT IN
A DAY OK SO.
in and run
to take a
C h 1 ckens.
lie told the
often h e
believe i t
a t i z e the
Mrs. John Ohlweiler and son, Wil
liam of Rock Island spent several days
last week with Mrs. Mary Zeigler.
Misses Esther and Sadie Smith
Sailie Johnston and Ora Johnston re
turned Friday evening from their trip
James Gauley of Rock Island is vis
iting his brother J. A. Gauley.
Smith Ferguson of Annawan is the
guest this week of his friend, Cyrus
Mrs. and Mrs. Letamor Johnston of
Pawnee City. Neb. are visiting at the
home of Mrs. Johnston's parents, Mr
and Mrs. J. S. Far well.
Mr. and Mrs. Charles A. Minter are
spending the week at the camp
Miss Catherine Danielson returned
to her home in Rock Island Saturday
morning after a week's visit in Rey
nolds. Eugene Wait is visiting at the horn
of his grandmother, Mrs. C. C. Wait.
Mrs. J. B. McConnel and children
who have been spending the summer
at this place left Tuesday morning for
their home at Hagerman, N. M.
W. J. McEntire returned Saturday
AT THE DAVENPORT MILE TRACK
The best and fastest field of horses ever entered.
Only Two More Days. Thursday and Friday
Train leaves the Rock Island depot every 15 minutes
after 12 o'clock. Round trip, 20 cents.
"Come up and get your money"
SPEED BUG INFECTS LOCAL AUTOISTS
SINCE OLDFIELD'S COMING IS SURE
what a number of local Barney Oh!-
from a few days' vinit with relatives fields every town has. and until tho
Speeding and tuning of automobiles ; not onlv lower the tiack record
1.0:1 hut to f-lip all his miles through
under the minute clip, while the Sioux
City record of 57 1 r will be handed a
slap which will let the mark sue;
is now the order ot the day in the
three, cities and every one with the
speed bug is giving it exorcise. Funny
at Erie, III.
Lewis Hauck left last week for Ti-
champion leaves the city behind they
are all it. but after they see the Green
inaKiiis; mo turns under a minute olu
and see the car swerve and skid thev
lose the idea that they are champion
"Yes it is a good thing" said tlv
chief of police of Davenport today.
'to have this Oldtield here. When he
leaves all those fehows who have been
hooping us busy and have been think
ing that thev were it. will decide tlint
kilwa where he has accepted the posi- Dragon driven by the real champi-vi
tion of assistant station agent.
-Mrs. Savage is at home again aft.r
a stay of several weeks out of town.
Stuart Kreps of Silvis visited over
Sunday with his parents Mr. and Mrs
C. M. Kreps.
Harrison Kell who has been work
ai Miivis is at home recovering
from some bruises received by a too
c!oe contact with a moving engine.
Misses Daisy and Lily Bell of New speed is not their forte and then then
Liberty. 111. are the guests of Miss I will not be so much scorching."
Maud Swartout. Every one with a speed can of anv
A number of Reynolds cirls went tc kind believes that he is the fasto-1:
. .!.!, , . .l. x .......
Lnnro Business so that he could turn it ' lower Tuesday and spent wlu,e 11 1S Tn,e inai uu ,t ar
over to some one else and then .have .a ver' Peasant day. some cars here which are speedy, still
his Vacation, he becau to nut in 16 Mrs. M. W. Cochrane and children o'l'hey ar?. fortunately for the walking
hours a Day. and landed in the largo i st- Louis, Mo. arrived Monday mom- public, not all so
Corner Room, with a Trained Nurse ,nS fnr a visit with J. C. Moore and Miles in less than a minute is tin
nutting Ice on his Head and telllue imiiy. common talk on the streets and every
r loyu .Moore returned home Mondav owner of a bisr car expeets to drive at
evening, having spent several weeks least that fast. When they have the
with relatives at Ainsworth. Iowa. stop watches on them however it wi'I
Miss Mary Brandberg of Preemption I ,,p different. Each fellow who nurses
spent Sunday with her friend, Dora M'"1 speed microbe imagines that h's
now. go devil is it and until the race.?
Gust Olson spent Sunday with lite show on the scene he has become a
wife and children at the camp ground. I post. lie watches his spoodmoto
Miss Myrtle Hammond of Davenport I show about 91 miles an hour while ho
is visiting at J. B. Vance's. is following a herd ot cows, he passe?
A special train Sunday morning every street car when it stops on the
brought out about three hundred lambs corner and then he has it bad.
for R. P. Wait. The Davenport mile track is fast an 1
Mr. nnd Mrs. E. L. Cooper spent Barney Oldfield promises Sunday to
Sunday with Mr. Cooper's father
James Cooper, near Hamlet.
Miss Jessie Booth of Silvis visited
her friend Miss Fstelle Kreps fro'ii
Saturday until Tuesday.
here. Special arrangements to hand'o
the crowds will be made. Train serv
ice to handle the largest number pus
s'ble is now under way. while the
management will also try to get spe--
inl bus :-ervice to carry - people from
the car line if the service if the ear
does not look sufficient to handle tho
record nreak'.ng crowd which will he m
A spetial band lias been engaged i j
piny from :'.',:) giving a band cmccr;.
while the races wiil stLjrt at 2::! an
the band will play during the rhrt n
the champion and the local drivers
Beauty Judges Endorse Herpicide.
Women who make a business of
beautifying other women eome pretty
luer knowing what wiil bring about
the be-t results. Here are letters from
two. concerning llerpkidr :
''I can recommend Xewhro's Herpi
cide, as it slopped my hair from felling
out. and, as a dressing, it lias no super
"Bertha A. Tnillinger,
"Vi Morrison street. Portland. Ore."
"After using oik bottle of Herpicide
my hair has stopped falling out and my
scalp is entirely free from dandruff.
(Signed) "Grace Dodge.
"I!i ae.ty Doctor.
"i:C Sixth street. Pot Hand. Ore."
Sold by leading druggists. Send in
IS APPOINTED DELEGATE
TO GENERAL CONVENTION
Rev. G. H. Sherwood to Go to Rich
mond in Place of Dean
teimissions. Soei. ty which has put n.?: cents m stajnps lor sampio to the Her-
stamp of approval ou the sport of
Rrv. Granville H. Sherwood, rector
of Trinity parish, has been appointed
by 'Bishop M. Edward Fawcett of the
diocese of (Juincy, clerical delegate to
the triiniiiiil convention of the church
to be held in Kiehiiioud in October.
Mr. Sherwood goes in place of Dean
.Mooie, who was elected by the diocesan
convention held in Rock Island. Dean
Moore is unable to attend. Tho ap
pointment, in addition to carrying with
it a great honor, proves a peculiarly
happy one for Mr. Sherwood, as Mrs.
Sherwood is visiting in Virginia and
win return home with her husband.
Kodol for indigestion and dyspepsia
is a preparation of vegetable acids nnd
him he would be all right in a Day
He had a ticker put in at one side of
the Bed, and kept a Stenographer on
hand up to the Afternoon that he de
parted this life.
It is sald-that when he went to his
Reward he was met by a Celestial At
tendant, who proved to be the Record
"If you're the Recording Angel, get
out your Book," said the Business
Man. '"I want you to take a few Let
ters for me."
MORAL: The Chicken Ranch ia al
ways in the Future Tense.
NEWS OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD
FOURTEEN TUSH BUTTON'S
IN H10NT OF II1M.
When you want a quick cure without
any loss of time, and one that is followed
by no bad results, use
Colic. Cholera and
It never fails and is pleasant to take.
It is equally valuable for children. It ia
famous for its cures over a large part oi
the civilized world.
millionaires and kings ns the raciiu
game is called will be present to $vy
r coini;ni, ifiion. .micii. i wit contains me same juices lound In a
s ixes, r.o cents and $1. T. 11. Thomas, ; healthy stomach. It digests what you
special age nt. irat. Sold by all druggists.
Lest You Forget
J)ON'T be afraid to come, I'.HCAUSE
It Don't Hurt a Bit"
1715 2nd Ave.
Rock Island, 111.
(Continued from Pago Two.)
The Limit of Life.
The most eminent medical scientists
are unanimous in the conclusion that
at her home on Eleventh street. The
guest of honor at dinner was Miss Mary
Sheppard of Wyoming. The table was , the generally accepted limitation of
beautifully decorated In yellow and" human life is many years below tho
white, the colors of the society being j attainment possible with the advanced
carried out in the dinner. The out of .knowledge of which the race Is now
town guests were the Misses Mae and
Grace Clark of Rock Island, Mrs. Har
riet Danielson. Mrs. Jane Martin, Mrs.
Ida Haddick. Miss Ida Higbee of Sher-
rard. Miss Evelyn Wilson of Rural.
possessed. The critical period, that
determines its duration, seems to be
between 50 and GO; the proper care of
the body during this decade cannot be
too strongly urged; carelessness then
111., and Miss Maude Wilson of Chapter , being fatal to longevity. Nature's best
"A. I." of Havelock. Neb. The meet- helper after 50 is Electric Bitters, ttuj
ing, although the regular monthly one, j scientific tonic medicine that revitu!
was part In farewell compliment tojizes every organ of the body. Guar-
Miss Grace Clark, president for this
year, who leaves next week with an
other P. E. O. sister, Miss Harriet Ab
bott, to take up a claim in western
Kansas, where they are to stay eight
The Catholic church of Silvis gave
a lawn sociable Tuesday evening on
the Cox lawn on First avenue, between
Tenth and Eleventh streets.
W. F. Crawford was a Davenport
caller on Monday.
Mrs. Jahns visited with friends in
Rock Island Monday.
Mr. Goss of New Orleans will spend
anteed by W. T. Hartz, druggist, 301
Twentieth Etreet. 50c.
Kennedy's Laxative Cough Syrup
acts gently upon the bowels and clears
the whole system of coughs and colds.
It promptly relieves inflammation of
the throat and allays irritation. Sold
by all druggists.
From Hard Work
The story that Mrs. B. E. Smith of
222 Bird Ave., Buffalo. N. Y.. tells of the
complete recovery of her niece from
a most deplorable condition of ex
treme weakness and nervousness only
the week visiting with his cousins at (Dr. A. W. Chase' Nerve ' Kn. have
the home of George Westnhal. lover all nervous affections.
Corey Hofer and her cousin Margie !Piete a"d,,5u11 V5 ti,e statemcnt of the
were shopping in Rock Island Satur- need only ouote her own 3 aiT
Mrs. Roy Kell visited in Rock Island
Mabel Badham of Ainsworth, Iowa,
lady says: "My niece, a young lady of
22 years of age, was in a deplorable
condition from nervous exhaustion, the
result of hard eeneral work. TIir
general make-up was of the high strung
will visit a few weeks with her grand-, tha h n .hi aPpeti,te was Por-
parents, Mr. and Mrs. James Bowes.
Miss Grace Hudson of Rock Island
spent the week with her cousin, Mrs.
W. S. McCulIoch.
F. E. Garnett went up to Chicago and
back last week.
Mr. McBufney of Moline visited with
his brother, John McBurney, Thurs
day. Mrs. Stag and Mrs. Robert Elliott of
Kansas were here to bid good-bye to
the latter's brother. D. T. Little. Mr.
Little and son Bob left with their car
Gladys and Elisie McBurney of Rock
night the heart action was very weak,
the slightest exertion bringing on pain
about the heart and palpitation. She
grew very weak and lost weight rapid
ly. I heard of the splendid work of Dr.
A. W. Chase's Nerve Pills in such cases
and procured some, and I am pleased
to say they acted finely she soon rest
ed easily at night the headaches stop
pedshe picked up in weight the ap
petite was good. and. in fact, the change
on the whole was most marked and
gratifying. As a consequence of this
splendid result I can conscientiously
and heartily recommend the medicine
to others in similar cases. 60c a box
at all dealers or Dr. A. W. Chase Medi
cine Co., Buffalo. N. Y. -
For Sale at Harper House Pharmacy.
YOU WILL BE
PRESSED FOR MONEY
Oftener because you you have no advertising
bills to pay than because you have!
MANY a business man has been surprised to find that his
biggest advertising bills were the easiest ones to pay.
This is always true, assuming that they are contracted in
buying advertising space in the best newspaper medium in the
field. It would, of course, never be true if poor judgment were
used in the planning and executing of the advertising campaign.
In the cases of prosperous merchants it always happens that
big advertising bills and big bank balances grow, together, out
of the same publicity campaigns.. Non-prosperous merchants
and half-prosperous ones may prove the truth of this matter in
a practical way, and in their own experiences.
We are accustomed to seeing BIG STORES filled with cus
tomers all the time the direct result of BIG ADVERTISING
EXPENDITURES. But we do not so often see the small stores
and shops crowded. Too many of them are content to get the
"over-flow" patronage, the "happened-in" people, the people who
go to "the nearest place.'
Effective, adequate advertising not only pays for
itself it pays for increased equipment and all
that goes with a bigger store and growing store-needs.
N Y "little
ad vertising expen
ditures, for news
paper space, are
doubled this year
will find its sales
and profits corre
spo ndin sly in
crease. Even a
small increase of
expenditure, in the
for publicity, will
bring a notable
q u icken in go fsto re
activity, store profits.