Newspaper Page Text
THE ARGUS, SATURDAY. AUGUST 24. 1907.
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Will occupy this building at 220-222-224 West Third Street. Davenport. Iowa.
about the middle of September, at which time they will open to the people of the
Tri-Cities and surrounding towns one of the best, most complete
and up-to-date Furniture stores in the middle west.
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This advanced information and preliminary introduction is
made so that those contemplating the purchase of Furniture or
House Furnishings may wait for our
and take advantage of our Dignified Credit System. We will
strive to gain the confidence of the public and hold it, because our
methods, like the new store, will be "square all over.1
We will inaugurate this remarkable Credit System, which en
ables all persons, regardless of their financial condition, to use
credit and still preserve their self-respect.
We have installed at great expense the Nernst Lamp System,
the largest installation of its kind in this part of the country, which
fact insures us a day light store, the best light in which to buy goods
Don't Worry--Keep Smiling We are Makers of Happy Homes
Watch for Later Announcement of Formal Opening.
GEORGE ADE FABLES
The Willing Collegian Who Was Hunting For a
ICopyrlKlit. lfOi', if'"'?. !
THE ANTK'l'K ilKI'H l.NK
O n e e
iu o n t of
' I'iM UlS,
is in Kfiil
M ii y
a n x iously
Li' a rued
tio that he
couM war his Coixl ("Hot lies all of the
Time and yet tln Coin without woi'k
lng too hard lor It.
Ili.-t Idea of a dignified i:ia; was t'
sit iu a small Ollioe aloiU three liours
every ray tind have the I'nhlie mine
In and pass Money t iiiiu. The
Medical (.lame struck liini as lieing
about the softest Proposition f all.
lie thought that all Io- had to do
was to lend the Mark into the Cham
ber of Horrors, where they have the
Skulls and the lJuteher-Knivcs. look
hliu over, ask a few Questions, tell
him to stop Smoking, and then tap him
for a V.
So the hopeful (Jraduate went to the
old l'amily I'liysician for a few Tips.
"Any one who tackles the .T'setila
pinu Stunt is u vitrified Mutt," id
his Whiskers. "If you must earn
your living, be a l'orch- 'limber or a
Short change Man. We now have in
this Country four Medical Degrees
to every case of Tonsilitis. Most of
us are kept so close to the Cariet that
we have to bu.r last year's Magazines
to put iu'the 'Waiting-Koom. If a
Patient dies, all of his Friends say
that you helped to push him off, fo
th?y undermine your Practice and le
gin to plug for Christian Science. If
he gets well, he gives you the Laugh,
and you have to go after him with a
Constable. If you acquire a Reputa
tion, they work the N'ight-Bell on you;
and If you arrange a Dinner-Party,
It's a Cinch that some Old Lady, three
miles away, will ring in an Epileptic
Fit and crab your whole Evening. Nix
Ibe listeria Medical Turn back be
fore it is too late."
Thereupon Hie Collegian ln-thought
him of the Law. So he went: to old
Judge Caveat and said he wanted to
sU'.rt right in Reading.
"If you can dispense with Eating for
the net 1.1 Years, come and join our
noble Profession." said the Judge. "If
you have got into the Food Habit, how
ever, and feel that you may need
Cloihes now and then, take my Ad
vice and dm k. It's gelling so that one
c.in't drop a Tirick out of a Window
without hitting al least three Lawyers.
The only ones who land are those that
sell their Immortal Souls to the Cor
porations, and they get roasted so hard
that they can't be elected anything ex
cept Fnited Slates Senators. The Le
gal Profession is a Lottery in which
there are !.)! I'.lanks to every Prize,
and the one who gets the Prize usually
draws a case of Nervous Dyspepsia
with it and has to live on Cereal
Food. If you desire safe and profitable
employment, learn to be a P.ank-Kob-ber,
but don't join the Starvation Iri
gade. The Professions are petering
out. We live In a Commercial Age.
The Money-Makers of to-day are the
Wise Hoys who trade in Produce and
Accordingly the Young Fellow put in
an Application with a large 'Wholesale
him in and
ing we can
15 o x e s,"
so you will
up into the
n g D e-partmont.
where you can get $0 a Month just
like finding it. I?efore you decide upon
a Mercantile Career, I may ns well
warn you that 03 per cent, of those who
j go Into Business eventually blow up,
' and the other 5 per cent, compromise
' with, tho Trust. and get what they can,
The inexperienced Kid without Capital
who tries to get a Hammer-Lock on
these air-tight Combinations has about
lis much chance as a Chicken at a
Camp-Meeting.'' If you wish to sit on
a High Siool so long that you grow
fast to it, find then, at the Wind -Up,
get si Floral Tillow from your Fellow
Employes, come and join our Happy
Band. But, if you are Foxy, cut out
the Mercantile Act and try some En
terprise in which you will have a Show
to puil out something for yourself."
Journalism looked very good to him,
because it seemed to require neither
Experience nor Funds, and he could
mould Public Opinion without Joining
the Moulders' Union. An Old-Timer in
the Business steered him away.
"Don't start into this Life," he said.
"It's only a Tread-mill, and after your
Legs give out you ;ue dropped down
the Dark Chute. Besides, your Col
legiate Training unfits you to help out
qii the Comic Supplement. Another
thing, Iho longer you dally with Jour
nalism the less you know about it. The
best Way in which to direct a News
paper is to stay away from the Oilice
and write Letters to the Editor."
I he poor Youth had just about
played his whole String when lie hap
pened to think of the Stage. He was
a Good-Looker and knew bow to wear
Clothes, and had made terrilie Hits in
Amateur Productions. The hardened
Manager to whom he seut his Card
handed him a Cake of Ice weighing
"The Trouble with you is that you
have been attending the University ln-
Ali ABOUT THE GKOCEKV
Machine Shop and Au
In addition to our general ma
chine and repair shop, we have
added an "auto" repair depart
ment and put a competent mw
in charge who has had a thor
ough training in that line. We
solicit a share of your work, and
guarantee satisfaction. Our ma
chine shop is one of the largest
in this vicinity, and equipped
with the latest machines and
tools. Any contract or jo'o
work will have our best atten
tion and lowest price. No job
too small for us. We build
special machinery and assist in
Tentors in completing their
ideas. We build the Kuhnen
Stationary, Portable and Marine
Kuhner Engine and
303 to 30C Fourth street,
Rock Island, 111.
stead or working on a spnng-i'.oaru
so as to d the Double l'lip-l'lops,"
said the Bag-time Impresario. "You
are next to t!n Greek Verb all right,
but you are shy on Buvk-n'nd-Wiug
Steps. .iul I can't see that you have a
Chance in a Million. I suppose you
have studied Shakespeare. If so, you
may possibly hook up with a fiy-by-night
Organization. The Legitimate
Drama is now being played at the
Whistling "'osts and Water-Tanks, but
not iu the great Thought-Centres. If
your Voice had licen cultivated in Eu
it for you
to carry a
s u g gest
a n d find
ment iu a Broker's Otlice and study
the Quotations and gradually pike into
the World of Speculation. lie sought
out a pious old Gambler who had. made
a Ton of Money by never doing what
he let on he was going to do.
The vetera!i Financier would not Imj
a Party to the ruination of any Good
Young Man. "Keep away from the
Market." lie said. "All those who play
the Ticker get the Solar-Plexus Punch
sooner or later. This Speculation is
very demoralizing. It has demoralized
every one except me. I always warn
Y'oung Men to buy nothing on Mar
gins. Buy it outright. You can do
this easily after you've earned the first
Million or two as n Stenographer.
"I might give you a Hunch on the
Q. T.," said the Old Gentleman. "Those
who are very Bright often marry into
the families of the vulgar Bich, thus
acquiring the Means to go Abroad and
study Art and. at the same time, throw
the ilooks Into their Native Land."
"I'll tackle Matrimony," said the Col
legian. "That appears to le the only
Field that is not overcrowded."
MORAL: Every Man knocks bis own
Line of Work and sticks to It like
"Hanged" and "Hung
Terhaps the Bible has had an Influ
ence in preventing many people from
distinguishing between the uses of
R. W. FRASER.
w3' v -V?: .-V. 4- a.
WITH THE PHASER STOCK COM
PAX Y AT THE AIRDOME
W:i.o iror.i a 'neighboring wine mer
chant. With n hear y laugh Joachim
stepped them ami. fivling iu the breast
p( c!;et of his co::l. produced the fol
io .ving 1- t which lie proceeded to
read to bis astiimsl'cd hostesses:
TT.T.orr.Ve !! rr Pr.-fcr.sor- luvlr.g b.'.rJ
th it oa m-.'Vc i; ;;.Hnt wvh-'.y. v.v p.
n::t onrselvi s to ar-k iC you feel lis!-is.-il
to recoiaai.'iKl rn-w euat-uacrs l i o'.:r l'ir:n.
Ten coukl i:i this way with izveat eas.'con
sii'eralily augment y.inr inroM;-. f..r oa
every order uu wmil.l reive a com
mission of 'J per cent, faithfully yot.r.s.
The whole maneuver with the red
wine was only iu order to :e bow far
he was qualified for such a post, and
the explanation of ids ruse was re
ceived with roars of laughter.
THE OLD I!l!Kl:iS FINAL
"liaiigeU " and "hung," says" a IiOndon
writer. They "hanged" Haman, but
the Jews in captivity also "hanged
their harps upon the willows," and in
the New Testament we lead "it were
better for him that a millstone were
hanged about his neck." If "hanged"
was correct in either sense in the days
of the authorized version, those who
are not strong upon grammar may be
subconsciously Induced.to believe that
"hung"' is correct in both senses now.
But it is curious that the exclamation
"I'll be hanged!" never appears as "I'll
' ANECDOTES OF JOACHIM.
Instances of the Celebrated Violinist's
Appreciation of Humor.
There are not a few people who pos
sess the idea that the late Joseph Joa
chim, the celebrated Hungarian mas
ter violinist, wns a man of somewhat
stern disposition, with little or no ;
lreciati'n of humor. The following
story from hi-? biography, writteu by
Andreas Moser, goes a long way to dis
pel this misconception, says the Detroit
Once, at a dinner party with bis inti
mate friends, the sisters Anna and Ju
lie von As ten, Joachim asked:
"Do tell me why yon have na red
wine on your (able today."
One of the hostesses replied:
"My dear Joachim, you told ur Inst
time ypu were here that you did not
like wine with your diuner. aud there
fore we ordered Munich beer."
"Today I want some wine very
much," said the violinist, "for I think
It much wholesomer than beer."
Nnturallv the ladies hastened to ful
fill the wishes of their guest and com
missioned their servant to uurcbase
Joachim was ia tin? habit of Inter
rupting his lesson:; in violin playing
with pointed remarks showing a lively
sense of humor, says ihe Chicago
News. One day a pupil, who was a
native of Kociiigsbcrg. played the
adagio from the ninth concerto o?
Spohr. Although he played it correct
ly, it was a dry performance, and Joa
"My dear P... it is no disgrace to
have been born in the 'city of pure
reason.' but it" I were you I would not
show it in my playing."
To another pupil, who -had played
the finale from a Mendelssohn eoncer
to very stolidly and heavily, he re
marked. T lieg for the next lesson
that the elves do not come to dance iu
Another youth could not execut" n
figure that was ornamented with bril
liant shakes to his satisfaction. In
order to make the character of the
passage clear to the pupil Joachim
said, "That passage is meant for a
garland with blossoms hanging on It
Remedy for Diarrhoea Never Known
"I want to say a few words for Cham
berlain's colic, cholera and diarrhoea
remedy. I have used this preparation
in my family for the past five years.
and have recommended it to a number
of people in York county, and have
never known it to fail to effect a euro
in any instance. I fool that I cannot
sav too much for the best remedy of
the kind in the world." S. Jcmisoi,
Spring Grove, York county. Pa. This
remedy is for sale by' all druggists.
Starting Saturday, Aug. 24
The Frazer Stock Co.
Miss Iva Richards
In a Repertoire of Entirely New Plays.
Sip'inllirft Itetnren Art.
Prices 10 and 20 cents.
At this season we should eat sparing
ly and properly. We should also help
the stomach as much as possible by
the use of a little Kodol occasionally.
Kodol for indigestion and dyspepsia
will rest the stomach by actually di
gesting the food Itself. Sold by all
When you want a quick cure without
any loss of time, and one that is followed
by no bad results, use
Colic. Cholera and
It never fails and is pleasant to take.
It is equally valuable for children. It ia
famous for its cures over a large part ol
the civULced woud. . .
Theater Eighteenth Street.
Two shows every night at 8:00
Souvenir matinee Tuesday and
Friday. Children admitted oa
Saturday for 5 cents. Friday
niglit is amateur night.
a -x Cents,
X J Any Seat.
For picnics, dances, society
meetings and public and private
gatherings of all kinds
Everything new and redecor
ated. Telephone for open dates.