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(THE ARGUS, TUESDAY. JUNE 2, 1908.
ONCE knew - a
always carried hla
with him m bills.
There were some
one dollar bills,
bills, and many
hundred and thou
sand dollar bills.
He always car
ried them in a
suit case with an
ordinary lock and
key, and he told
me that he was
happy Just be
cause he had the
handled money at all. - He was a
millionaire, too, but he did all his
business with checks, and seldom had
more than $20 on his person, and he
was miserable and dyspeptic.
I understood the feeling of the
moneyed millionaire better than that
of the checked one. The first man
was not a miser; he was simply a
grown-up child, with a child's delight
in actually seeing the money that he
had earned by the sweat of his brow,
most of it at a dollar a day. Don't
stop to figure out how many days he
had worked, or I won't wait.
Now, of course, there are persons
of Imagination who go through life
using checks and feeling rich, but it
takes a good deal of imagination to do
so, and for me the pretty green ten
dollar bill means ten times as much
as the check for ten dollars.
Of course, checks have their uses,
and I use them myself. When a
bill for some prosaic thing, like re
pairs to the coal chute, comes In, I
send out a check in payment, but If
I am buying a book that I have long
coveted, you may be sure that I hand
out real money for It. The book rep
resents something tangible, and I
Will not tnanlf thf hnnk ripaler Viv oonrl.
ing him a cold, unfeeling check.
If I wanted to bring happiness to a
widow, whose husband had died leav
ing her destitute, do you think that I
would send her a check for a thou
sand dollars? If you do, you don't
If I were going to do the thing at all
I would go to her house with one
thousand crisp dollar hills, and I would
receive her thanks for each one. But
It - Is & queer thing about gratitude.
Ifer thanks for the first bill would be
heartfelt, but by the time I had reached
the first hundred she would have
grown tired Of thanking me, and I
verily believe that before I had hand
ed In the last bill she would have
asked me if I couldn't be a little more
expedient. Thus usage dulls the
senses. ' ,
. On the other hand, do you suppose
that if I were Sued for a thousand dol
lars I would pay the complainant In
good green money? No, a thousand
times, ho. I would purposely buy the
smallest blank check that I could find,
and in my most minute chirography,
and with an autograph that was bare
ly good, I would sign it, and thus I
would feel that I was getting off
cheap. j -
In some things most of us are in
tensely mean, and among the expendi
tures that offend men's souls are those
paid into a railroad company's grasp
ing maw. I hold myself no better
than the rest, and, if possible, I al
ways travel in company with another,
and before we start out I give him
money to cover the expenses, and he
buys the tickets and I feel that I have
not spent so much.
But in buying stationery, and books,
and pictures, I never think of intrust
ing the business to another. Let me
pick out my own paper, find my own
book, be my own judge of the picture,'
and, when they are ready to deliver,
let me pay the bill myself in coin of
Your plumber should always re
ceive a check, but the man who en
tertains you should get good gold,
even If It is only 50 cents' worth.
One objection I have to royalties Is
that they always come In the form of
a check when they come at all. One
time, though, my publisher varied It;
instead of sending a check he sent
a bill. You see, I had given at least
ten copies of the book at Christmas
time, and, of course, the balance was
in his favor. Do you know, I really
enjoyed the thing for a change.
By the way, that receiving of royal
ties, even if they are paid in check
form, is a good game. You sell your
stories for so much, and then, when
they are all printed, you are Induced
to make a book of them. Well, you
(Copyright, by Jamea Pott
rvvinnwvvvirvvwwvVvvvivf i-ui onru'iririr j
have already been paid" for them, so
that you stand to gain, whatever hap
pens." It may be only ten ; dollars
that will come to you, but it may be
$10,000, and . the Joy of looking
forward to royalty day Is one
that cannot be expressed In words.
You do not $hear much about the
sale of your book; your friends say
nothing about It, but perhaps they
are keeping Its phenomenal success a
secret from you. You live in the
country, and you never see the Book
man, so you do not know, what the
six best sellers are, but you have
your" suspicions. At last the fate
ful day arrives, the familiar envelope
of your publisher comes to you by
mail, and as you open it a check flut
ters out.' You remember the stories
of du Maurier and "Trilby," and how
his publishers sent him several thou
sands over and above the contract
To be sure. It Is only a check, and
not money, but, after all, any bank
will convert a check Into money If
you are known, and your book has
doubtless made you known through
the wide world.
You pick up the check and close
your eves until vou are holding It
right in front of them. "The Second
National bank of New York. Pay to
the order of yourself $47.50. Harp,
Scrib. & Co."
It isn't quite what you thought It
would be. The book is not one of
the six yet Still, after the first dis
appointment is over, you reflect that
it is all clear gain, and you go to
the bank and have it converted Into
new dollar bills, and then you go down
town to the bookstore and you buy
thirty odd books that you have wanted
No, you don't You know very well
you don't for the same mail that
brought the check brought its antith
esis in the form of a bill from the
gentleman who raised the price of
beef on you, and the other gentleman
who charged you eight dollars a ton
for coal, and like a good little man
you sit down and you write out two
checks which take up 42 of the dollars.
But take my advice and get the bet
ter of fortune by taking the five-fifty
that is left and your wife and going
into town for a small jamboree. Re
member that a jamboree, small though
it be, remains In the memory long
after the memory of a paid bill has
Pay the hills, but save enough out
of the cost of your clothes for a little
jamboree. Clothes warm the body.
but jamborees warm the cockles of
the heart, and a man who neglects the
cockles of the heart to put Jaeger
underwear on his lusty limbs has
failed in his duty toward himself
and his better half.
Jk t , via. T- ' ..
A lawsuit had been tried on the
veranda of the crossroads store, and
when it had been settled Limuel Juck
lln, who had watched the proceedings,
took the home-made chair, vacated by
the justice, leaned back against the
wall and rermkaed: "Rather bad, this
thing of goln' to law. And ain't It a
peculiar state of society that educates
men to stimulate quarrels? We may
Bay that they ain't trained for that
purpose, but unless there are mlsun
derstandin's the lawyer's work is cut
off, and he's got a little too much of
Old Adam in him not to look out for
his own interest." '
"You take a wrong view of the mat
ter," replied a young lawyer.
"That is just about what I expected
you to say. But grantin to the lawyer
all he can claim for himself, it must
after all be allowed that the bickerin's
and shortsightedness of the human
family give him the most of his excuse
forlivin'. A perfect state of civiliza
tion would argue perfect honesty, and
If such were the case the lawyers
would be powerful scarce. There is
no denyin' of the fact that some of the
greatest men have been lawyers and
that the most of our presidents have
practiced law. And so have some of
the immortal geniuses been soldiers,
but if man had been just and peace
able there never would have been
any need for the soldier."
"According to your view, then," said
the lawyer, "there Is no real need for
anybody that "
"That doesn't build up," Limuel
broke in, winking at his former
friends. Every man ought to produce
somethln . If he don't he's livln' on
somebody that does. The only real
occupation is the one that-makes the
world better. Understand, now, I
have nothin' against anybody's callin'.
I'm Just expressin' my opinion and It
must be taken for what it is worth.
But the lawyer shows us one thing If
nothin' more how keen a man's mind
may be whetted. I recollect once that
. a fellow Bued me. We had swapped
"And you had got the better of him,
eh?" said the lawyer.
"Well, that's the way It looked to
him. The horse I let him have died
that night. He asked me if the horse
was sound and I said I never bad
heard any complaint, and I hadn't He
bad never been under the care of a
doctor so far as 1 knew. His appetite
was good and he'd. bat his. eye when
you motioned at him. I might have
seen htm fall down have seen men
fall, but I didn't think that they- were
goin' to die. I told him a child could
drive him. A,, child did drive him out
Of the garden that day. ' Well, we
swapped, and, as I say, his horse was
taken sick In the night and died be.
fore day. He came back to me and
swore that I had swopped him a horse
that I know'd was goin to die. I told
him that If he'd show me a horse that
wa'n't goin' to die I'd give him my
farm. I felt that he had the worst of
it and I would have evened it up the
best way I could, but before I got
through havln' fun with him he got
mad and went away and hired a law
yer to prove that I was a liar and al
together the worst man In the com
munity. "I never got such a scorin' in my
life. I felt sorry for my wife and chil
dren. I didn't think that anybody
would ever speak to me again, and I
told the lawyer that I would make it a
personal matter between me and him.
I expected the justice to decide dead
against me, but he didn't. He had
been a horse trader himself.
"Well, after the thing was over with
I took the horse I got from the feller
and went over to his house about ten
miles away and turned the nag loose
In his lot I did'lt not because I was
sorry for him, but because I was
afraid of myself afraid that I couldn't
Bleep, and I was workin' hard and
needed rest. Well, sir, that night
the nag that I'd turned Into the lot
ups and dies, and the feller swore that
I had hauled him there after he was
dead, and hanged if he didn't sue me
again. He got the same lawyer and
he made me out a worse man than I
was before. Made it appear that I had
poisoned the horse and dragged him
over there. Then I swore that the
whole county couldn't hold me back
from takin it out of his hide.
"So the first chance I got I went to
town to see the lawyer. I went over
to the courthouse and he was makin'
a speech, and I wish I may die dead if
the feller he was a sklnnln' this time
wan't the very man that had sued me.
I never hearn anything like it Tip
toed and called him all sorts of a
scoundrel; said that he had defrauded
me, as honest a man as lived In the
state. I couldn't stand that, I walked
on out and after a while he came
along and held out his hand and called
me 'Uncle Llm,' just as if I was his
mother's brother. Then he clapped
me on the shoulder -and you could
have , heard him laugh more than a
mile. He said he was a comin' out to
go a fishin' with me.
"Well, I let him off,, and after we
had got to be right good friends, I
asked him how he happened to be en
gaged against my enemy, and this la
what he said: 'Oh, I wasn't Some
of the boys told me you were comln
into the, house and I knew that you
were troublesome when you set your
head to it, so as court wasn't in ses
sion I started in to makin' a Bpeech
.against the fellow so you could afar
me,' and he clapped me on the shoul
der and you could have hearn him
laugh more than two miles this time.
"Get a lawyer with fun In him and
he's all right Once I had aome busi
ness on hand the settlement of my
brother's estate and I went to old
Tom Cantwell and asked him how
much he would charge me, and he al
mosttook my breath with the amount
he named. I knew he was a man of a
good deal of ability liked fun. and I
says to him like this: 'Tell you what
arrangement to make, colonel. I've
got a mighty fine chicken out at my
house and if you can fetch out one to
whip him I'll engage you and pay your
price, but if my chicken whips yourn,
why you do the work for nothin'.' He
was a man of ability and he agreed
Ah, me, there ain't such lawyers about
nere tnese days, l recollect once
"But did the fight come off?" some
"Oh,, that fight? Yes, held tallow
candles for it one night, and you'd
have thought it was a snowln', , the
air was so full of feathers. My wife
kept on a callin' out: 'Limuel, what
are you a doin' there In the smoke
house,' and I always answered: 'I'm
diggln' up a rat Go on to bed. I've
most got him now.'
"I don't know how long they fit
other roosters were crowjn all around
the neighborhood when they got
through. But my chicken crowed last,
and the colonel gave me his' hand with
feathers a stlckin' to it, and says, says
he: 'Llm, you've got me and I'll take
care of your business.'
Best settlement I ever made.. He
took care of the business right up to
the handle, and when he had got
through he 'lowed, he did, that he could
find a bird that could whip mine for
the estate Bald he'd put up his law
books and his house and lot against It,
but it looked too much like gamblin'
so I backed down. Oh, he would have
done it Ablest lawyer In the county.
It's a pity all lawsuits couldn't be set
tled somewhat in that way as fairly,
"I Was just a thinkin'," he added aft
er a few moments of silence, "how
much trouble the old world has been
put to tryln to govern man. Every
year or so the legislatures meet and
make laws and unmake them, always
experimentln with man. The trouble
with, him is he don'f know what he
wants and don't know what to do with
It after he gets it And the lawyer Is
the outgrowth of nls. restlessness and
- "Think there will ever come a time
waen there are no lawyers?" the young
advocate Inquired, and. the old man
scratched his head..
"Oh, yes, that time will come, but
it will be the time when there Isn'
anything. The lawyer has come to stay
as long as the rest of us do. He's a
smart man and a good feller for the
most part and is nearly always wlllin
to forgive you when he has dona you
a wrong, and I want to remark right
here that this argues the extrtmest ot
' (Copyright, by Ople RM&J
' Please learn what a difference, there is between home-baked
beans and Van Camp's. .
But don't deem it your fault, for it isn't.
We have spent 47 years in learning how to perfect this dish.
This is our specialty our one claim to supremacy. We bake
tens of millions of cans every year.
No wonder we best know how.
Then we have' the facilities, and you lack them all. So the
difference isn't all in the skill.
Beans, to be digestible, must he factory cooked.
The heat of your oven is far from sufficient. It can't break
tip the food granules so the digestive juices can get to them.
So home-baked beans are hard to digest, even for the strongest
. stomach. .
Our ovens are heated to 245 degrees.
That's more than twice the heat that gets to the center of
your baking dish. We apply that fierce heat for 90 minutes,
and the result is oar beans are digestible.
That is a very important fact.
Then we bake in live steam not in dry heat. And we do
our baking after the cans are sealed.
' That's why our beans are all baked alike. No beans are (
crisped, no skins are broken. They are baked until they are
mealy, yet they are nutty because they are whole.
Perhaps the one thing missed most in home-baked beans is
that delicious, nutty flavor. Nobody likes beans mushy; every
body wants them whole.
Then we bake the beans, the tomato sauce and .the pork all '
together, and get our delicious blend. To bake the tomato
sauce into the beans is a very different thing from adding it J
Van Camp's come to you, fresh and savory, ready for instant serving. No work and
no waiting. A dozen cans in the house mean a dozen meals all cooked. And such
delicious meals! After all your work, your home-baked beans are never half so good.
Once let your folks taste Van Camp's beans and they'll frown if you serve them others.
That nutty flavor, that tang and zest, are missing in minor brands. Please learn how
good beans can be. Then we shall not need to say again, "Insist on Van Camp's."
Beans are Nature's choicest food 23 per cent nitrogenous;
84 per cent nutriment.
Like meat in their food value, but not like it in cost. See
how many you get for 10 cents.
They should be a daily dish not an occasional. They are
appetizing and hearty; all people like them.
Perhaps you serve beans once a week now, because they are
hard to prepare. Or because your people like other things bet
ter when beans are not rightly cooked.
'Twill be different when you serve Van Camp's.
You will serve them for breakfast in croquettes or with
ham. You'll serve them for luncheons steaming hot. You'll
serve them for dinners in salad. '
You will hardly be able to serve them too often, for people
don't tire of Van Camp's.
We Pay $2.50.
We use only the whitest and plumpest Michigan beans.
They are picked out by hand from the choicest part of the crop.
And we pay $2.50 per bushel. The beans we refuse sell as low as 30
We use only sound, vine-ripened tomatoes.
Cheap sauce is made from tomatoes picked green, and
ripened in shipment. Or of scraps from a canning factory.
We could buy such sauce ready-made for exactly one-fifth
what we spend to make ours. But it would lack that richness,
that sparkling zest, which Nature gives to Van Camp's.
No wonder that some brands sell cheaper than ours, yet pay
your grocer more profit.
But the best beans are cheap enough. They are even mos
economical. For you will eat more beans, in place of meat,
when you serve Van Camp's.
Prices: 10, 15 and 20 cents per can
Van Camp Packing Compan? Indianapolis, Indiana.
JOKE ON A JURY.
"Ah Nevah Done It Befoh," Said Ne
gress Just Acquitted of Theft.
When Ella Van Dross, a young col
ored girl, was tried before Judge Ro
salsky In general Besslous at New York
the other day on the charge that when
Joseph Kayatt, a white man from
Yonkers, asked her in the hall of 240
Second avenue whether the Joneses
lived on the floor above she stealthily
removed a pocketbook containingi $10
from his pocket, the jury deliberated
only a few minutes and then returned
with their verdicts ,
. The girl, much disturbed, was led to
the bar. The foreman rose. "We find
the defendant not guilty," he said. As
the late prisoner was turning to leave
court Judge Rosalsky called out:
"One moment, Ella. Be careful not
to let any more suspicion fall on you,
whether you are Innocent this time or
"Oh, judge," said the girl, "Ah nevah
done It befoh, an' f o' de Lurd Ah never
will again." . ;
The Jury looked amazed.
That's one on you, gentlemen," re
marked the Judge, and all the court
room laughed. .
, "Yale's 8eashore Laboratory.
The Sheffield Scientific school of Yale
university has purchased a site at the
end of Rocky Beach off Bradley Point.
Savin Rock, on which an experiment
and collecting station will be erected.
The building proposed is not an exten
sive laboratory, but merely a structure
to satisfy the immediate needs of the
school In the collecting and study of
marine . specimens. During the last
year ShefC voted to suopcrt .one exuer
imenting chemist '" at " Woods Ilole.
Mass., and the structure at Bradley)
Point Is intended for the use of experi
menters during the months of the col
lege year when Woods Hole Is not
Vegetable Hat Trimmings.
Paris modistes, having exhausted the
possibilities' of decoration of hats with
flowers, fruits and feathers, have been
compelled to look for novelties else
where and have decided to see. what
they can make of the produce of the
kitchen garden. First experiments are
to be made with tomatoes; which will
shortly be seen In the smartest hats,
while the cucumber and the parsnip
loom threateningly on the horizon.
- Born in Iowa.
- Our family were all born and raised
in Iowa, and have used Chamberlain's
Colic, Cholera and Diarrhoea Remedy
(made at Des Moines) for years. We
know how good it is from long experi
ence in the use of it. In fact, when
in El Paso, Texas, the writer's ."life
was saved by' the prompt use of this
remedy. We are now engaged In the
mercantile business at Narcdossee.
Fla., and have introduced the remedy
here. It has proven very successful
and 1s constantly growing Sri favor!
Enhlsl Bros. This remedy. Is for sale
by all "druggists. ;
RECORD OF COURT HOUSE
Real Estate Transfers.
Julia S. McElvain to Levicia H.
Perry, south 47 feet lot 12, block 2,
Earth & Babcbck's Twentieth street
addition, Rock Island. $3,300.
Gertrude C. Church to David W.
Hunt, part outlot 1. Ryder & Read's
addition, Moline. $3,800.
Rock Island Brewing company to
White, Pope & Guyer, lot 8, block
112, New Shops Second addition, town
East Moline. $1.
S. A. Wilson to C. H. Widener,
north one-half northwest and part
north one-half northeast quarter sec
tion 3. northeast northeast quarter
and south one-half northeast quarter
and part southeast northeast quarter
and part southeast northwest quarter
section 4-20-2e. $20,000.
O. P. Anderson to Edward Coryn,
part lot 17, Mrs. L. N. Warner's First
addition, town East Moline. $1.
K A. H. Arp to Gertrude. C. Church,
part outlot 1. Ryder. & Read's First
addition, Moline. $1. '
Mary E, Cramer to Gertrude C.
Church, part outlot i. Ryder & Read's
addition, Moline. $1. ' " "
. All the news all the time THE
Puts that feeling of vim and go into
your tired brain and body that makes
life a pleasure of health ' and happi-4
ness; you leel as young in years and
looks as a child it's Hollister's Rocky
Mountain Tea, greatest summer tonic,
25 cents, tea or tablets. Harper House
pharmacy, v . 1
FOR FIRST CLASS WORKMANSHIP AND V'ASR ESTIMATES
CALL OR ADDRESS .
817 29th St.