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THE AJIGUS., TUESDAY. JULY 14, 1908.
v THE ARGUS.
" Published Daily and Weekly at 1C21
Second avenue. Bock Island,' I1L En
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BY THE J. W. POTTER CO.
-TERMS Dally, 10 cents per week.
Weekly, $1 per year In advance.
All communications of argumentative
character, political or religious, must
have real name attached for publica
tion. No such articles will be printed
over ftctitloua signatures. - ,
" Correspondence solicited from every
township in Rock Island county.
Tuesday,' July 14, 1908.
.Democratic ratification meeting on
Market square tomorrow night.
-'Join the Bryan and Kern jubilee on
Market square tomorrow night.
The democrats of Rock Island will
have, the first rally of the campaign
and they deserve to have it made a
A Harlem (New York) shop has this
over the doorway: "Buildings con
structed, torn down and removed on
Russia in Europe .has 575.000,009
acres of forests, and about 35d.000.000
acres in Asia. Italy has 10,000.000
acres of forests. It imports $14,000,000
worth of wood annually and encoun
ters much trouble in enforcing the
The advertising manager of a com
pany the name of whose product is a
household word in all parts of the
country, and who therefore speaks with
authority, says: "Continuous adver
tising in consecutive issues of care
fully selected mediums is the only kind
of advertising that makes an impres
' slon." This is likewise the opinion of
Rock Island's most successful mer
chants. . "
Charles A. Towne missed the chance
of his life time for the sake of his din
ner. The democratic convention was
wild to hear him, and messengers were
sent everywhere, but Towne was at
the BrOwn Palace at dinner, and could
not be prevailed upon to leave. The
blind senator of Oklahoma stirred the
convention from its moorings with the
mention of Bryan, and Towne's chance
was gone forever. He would have been
nominated vice president had he re
sponded when called.
-'The 'Maine Lumbermen and Land
Owners' association sent a. telegram
to the chairman of the democratic na
tional convention at Denver, protesting
against the adoption of a resolution ad
vocating taking the tariff off of wood
pulp and print paper. It rays such a
measure would - throw thousands of
wage earners out of employment This
is a branch of the International Paper
company, which has just reduced the
wages of its employes 10 per cent, and
is now only waiting for matte'rs to
settle down before putting up the price
of paper another 25 per cent.
Probably the oldest delegate to the
recent republican national convention
was David Rankin, 83 years old, who
has amassed a fortune of $3,000,000
without speculation. It is believed that
he is-the most extensive farmer In the
world. The area of the Rankin farms,
most of them in Andrew county, Mis
souri, is 25,640 acres, all bf which is
tinder cultivation.- In 1900 Mr. Rankin
planted 19,000 acres of corn, and the
yield was 1,000,000 bushels. His land
is worth from $75 to 4125 an acre: In
the busy season an . average of 300
"hands" work his farms. Besides his
farm interests he controls manufactur
ing concerns, banks, and public service
corporations aLTarklo, Mo., his home.
In 1904 the republican party stood.
pat and declared the protective tariff
, was' the cardinal principle of the par
ty. -The republican party also claimed
to be the advance agent of prosperity,
but there came a panic and business
depression. This year the republicans
acknowledge that the tariff should be
revised and agree to do so after elec
tion by adopting a maximum tariff,
n uiv-u v. lino in v 51 aLtuina cv.
So that instead of tariff .reduction we
are promised a. still higher tariff. No
wonder the trusts and tariff, protected
monopolists are supporting the repub-
But why should the rest of us do so?
- Whiskers. '"
Republican writers who are Indulg
ing in levity over John Worth Kern's
whiskers and calling them , "lace cur
tains" seem to have forgotten that
James Schoolcraft Sherman also has
a tenderly aced countenance .bearing
out the mild suggestion that George
Ade once made when He said "A club -
footed man is unfortunate, a man with
a hair lip is entitled to pity, but a
man who wears side; whiskers can
Diame no one Dut nimseu.
Whiskers have established them-
eelves in the office of vice president.
For four years they haveadorned the
office suspended from the chin of Vice
President Fairbanks, and the fact that
Sherman and Kern, rival vice presi
dential candidates to succeed Fair
banks, both have whiskers, makes it
certain that whiskers will continue to
prevail upon the vice presidential
Incidentally this will be. a great year
for campaign cartoonists.
That Attack on Roosevelt.
The Chicago Tribune's corrcrpon-
dent, "Raymond," in a "special" from
Dener declared that an attack upon
the president made by Congressman
Clayton of Alabama, chairman of the
democratic national convention, in his
speech on assuming the chair, vlll
force Mr. Roosevelt to enter the cam
paign in-defense of his personal honor
and integrity. "Raymond "said :"'There
never was more imnolitie. tnlitira
that Chirman Clayton displayed in
this attack." and further that "If there
was any one thing more feared than
anything else by the democratic cam
paign managers and by that I mean
the real leaders, it has been the injec
tion of Theodore Roosevelt into the
coming campaign." "Now all these
hopes have been destroyed," savs
Raymond," and "President Roose
velt will be forced into the campaign
to uefiend himself against a bitter
personal attack upon his honor."
It seems, however, according to
Raymond," that notwithstanding this
fear" by the democratic leaders "of
the injection of Theodore Roosevelt in
to the coming campaign," this speech
of Chairman Clayton several days ago.
was submitted to a dozen of the dem
ocratic leaders, including Mr. Bryan
himself. The attack on the nresident
was carefully considered and was
made after consultation between all
those who r.re responsible for the con
duct of the campidsn. It is the key
note of the Bryan campaign in 190S."
Therefore, the "tiling most feaied"
by the democratic leaders was planned
and considered by all of them, includ
ing Mr. Bryan himself, and deliber
ately injected into the campaign by
All . of this shows that "Ravmond"
either was talking 'through his hat for
the purpose of filling space at so much
a word, or that the democratic leaders
are really desirous of "injecting Theo
dore Roosevelt into' the coming cam
paign," instead of fearing it.
Chairman Clayton's "attack" on the
president is embraced in the following
paragraphs in Iii3 speech:
"Is it true or not that four years
ago he selected for his campaign man
ager a novice in politics whose princi
pal qualifications for the position was
the power he held over the corpora
tions of the land? Is it true or not
that the place of secretary of com
merce and labor gavev full knowledg
of, these business secrets and rela
tions bf corporations to this campaign
manager and clothed him with power
with the assent of the president, to
punish or reward them by publishing
or withholding their secrets that he
had collected as such secretary?
"Is it true or not that with his pow-1
er held in terror over the corporations
he solicited or had his agents solicit
campaign contributions from them?
Is it true or not that such a request
under such circumstances was a de
mand upon the corporations a de
mand. that they acceded to, knowing
that the man who made it had the
power to punish them in case they re
fused? Cap it be doubted that in this
way vast sums were raised? If so,
how much of these contributions were
used for corruption purposes we do
Chairman Clayton refers in these
paragraphs to the charges . made by
Judge Alton B. Parker, in his Madison
Square Garden speech Oct. 31, 19.04.
Judge Parker on this occasion said:
the spectacle or demanding cam
paign funds now presented to this
country when rightly regarded is of
a character to shock the moral sense
He spoke of the crjeation of the de
partment of commerce and labor, the
appointment by the president of his
private secretary to the head of that
department, and later through the
president's influence, the selection of
that private secretary as chairman of
the republican national committee.
Then, Judge Parker continuing said:
"His (Cortelvou's) chief duty it has
been and BtilI is to collect funds for
the purpose of securing the election of
the president. And it is now nototi
uy that there has resulted from this
organized importunity whatever may
be the precise way in which it was
made' effective an overflowing treas
ury io the committee of which boast
Is Openly and continually made
"Although this may be satisfactory
to the consciences of republican lead
ers, it must, I firmly believe, be con
demned as nothing short of scandalous
not alone by myself or the democratic
party, but by the American people as
"The whole performance is a shame
ful exhibition of a willingness to make
' a compromise with decency in order
I that sums of money may be gathered
together sufficiently vast .to justify the
ins-olent boast even now that there-is
no question as to success by such a
j course the republican - managers so
confidently predict. It,' is as bold as
it is improper and indefensible."
The statements and ' charges in
Garden speech .created a furore'
' thrm,noIlt. th. MmtTV nn , nrnAaA
' -.consternation In republican ranks. The
judge was pledged not to give his
authorltv for the Aharena that f!nrtoi.
you was "bleeding' the - -plutocratic i
corporations. Denial followed, and
even President Roosevelt at last felt
that in defense of his : "honor it was
. necessary for. him ; to inject himself
into -the campaign, which he did on
Nov.-4, a few days before the election.
Mr.': Roosevelt's denial was a stump
speech. He declared that Judge Par
ker "has neither produced nor cau he
produce any proof of their truth." Mr.
Roosevelt grew indignant as he de
tailed and made more specific than
had Judge Parker the statements and
crarges referred to, and which Chair
man Clayton embodied in his speech.
President Roosevelt's . denial of the
charges was bold and vigorous, and asH
Judge Parker was under pledge not
to reveal his authority, 'the president's
denial was accepted by the republi
cans as a clean bill, of health for Cor
telyou. Judge Parker, however, in a
speech on the Saturday night preced
ing the election said:"" - ,
The purpose of my address to
night is - to call attention to the fact
that in his strangely belated reply to
my speech of a week ago, the presi
dent has not met the issue . created
since the - platforms were adopted
namely: 'Can the trust's purchase the
election? Whatever results may fol
low from his addrens the campaign
fund cannot be interfered with. It
has been raised.' i Roosevelt
does hot deny the' contributions now."
Senator Gorman of Maryland on the
evening of Nov. 5, the same evening
on which Parker replied to Roosevelt,
stated that "Judge Parker's statements
regarding the collection of campaign
funds by Cortelyou were true," and
he challenged the republican treas
ure.-. Bliss, to deny that there was a
meeting of great captains of industry
four weeks ago. nearly all of whom
has been hostile to Roosevelt's elec
tion, who were assured that they
would have a square deal." Among
those at that meeting, Gorman, said,
were E. H. Harriman, George F. Per
kins, Jacob H. Schiff and the Stand
ard Oil banker, StjHman.
The charges Judge Parker made
against Cortelyou in the closing days
of the campaign of 1904 have since
been verified. Notwithstanding the
savage ante-election denials, the pub
lic knows that the investigation of
the big life insurance companies of
New York made a couple of years
ago, disclosed contributions to the re
publican slush funds by the companies
controlled by some or the men re
ferred to by Senator Gorman, of hun
dreds of thousands of dollars of pol
icyholders' money. This money was
handed over for Chairman Cortelyou's
use through Treasurer Bliss. The in
vestigation of the insurance compa
nies disclosed only a small portion
of the money exacted from plutocratic
corporations and predatory wealth to
swell the Republican -campaign slush
fund. The disclosures show that the
money was covertly taken without
consent of stockholders and policy
holders and entered on the books in
a way calculated to conceal the fraud.
The money was used amounting in
the aggregate to-millions of dollars
in the interest of the republican can
didate for president, and he was
The Springfield Register says:
"What was the consideration for this
liberality of the trusts? Bliss and
Cortelyou know, and if Mr. Roosevelt
does not know that does not alter the
facts. The facts are as the State
Register has stated them. And the
further facts remain that not a single
trust has been suppressed; not a
single trust magnate has been impris
oned. Not a single law has been
passed to force the trusts to cease
levying tribute on . the people. The
tariff, the mother of trusts, remains
unchanged, and the trusts are still in
the saddle. A few fines have been
assessed by the courts, but not yet col
lected, and are likely not to be. There
has been a good deal of 'thundering
in the index' but no effective effort
to' interfere with the profits of the
'captains of industry. "
The democrats have nothing to fear
from the disclosures of the Cortelyou
Bliss - Harriman - Roosevelt incidents.
The republican party will not inject
this feature of the campaign history
of 1904 into the present campaign, nor
will President Roosevelt inject him
self into the campaign in denial or
Gentlemen of Indiana.
Indianapolis is the center of the vice
presidential belt. Fairbanks lives there
aud so does John W. Kern, the demo
cratic nominee. Four years ago Kern
made the speech of greeting on behalf
of the home citizens when Fairbanks
came home with the nomination. Now
Fairbanks is expected to return the
compliment. Indianapblis is used to
housing greatness. Vice -President
Hendricks, who was elected on the
ticket with Grover Cleveland in 1884,
lived there, and so did President Har
rison, who defeated Cleveland in 1S88.
Vice President Schuyler Colfax was an
Indianian. but did not live in Indian
apolis Great is Indiana, and likewise
We loaa any amount .
of money, any time, '
for any purpose, on
household goods, pi
,anos, horses, cows,
w-a gobs, buggies,
fixtures, etc., with- '
V out removal or de
- lay, at the lowest
rates and on the
, fairest terms ; ever
offered. ! ; . '."""'
MUTUAL LOAN CO.
- People's National bank build
ing, room 411. Old phone west
' iZZ, new 5109, Open Wednesday
and Saturday nights.
BRYAN AS A SPEECHM AKER
By Edmund Vance Cooke, in Collier's.
Mr. Bryan has, in all probability," how he has had his share of public at-
spoken to more people than any other ,
man in history. ,
In 1887 Bryan moved to Lincoln,,
poor and struggling young lawyer, and
made himself acquainted with the peo-
pie of his district by speaking through-Myceum
out the campaign of 1888. It had been
the fashion of the democrats of that
district (republican by 4,000) to pass
the nomination for - congress around
among the leaders as an empty compli-
ment, accepting defeat as a matter of
course and with such grace as they
could muster. It so happened that, in
1890, Bryan had delivered an excep
tional speech at the university, and
had surprised local attention. The dis
trict convention came along at about
that time, and some one ' suggested,
half in jest, that the newly found ora
tor be complimented' with the nomina
tion for congress.
"A good idea," said the wearied old
war horses. "Let the colts of the par
ty receive a few stripes froni the lash
of defeat, and they will better appre
ciate our scars."
But Bryan, young and optimistic,
didn't believe in the "lash of defeat."
So they lethim write the platform and
run. " In the course of his speech' he
predicted his election. The conven
tion howled with some enthusiasm at
his audacity, but mostly with laughter
at his hardihood. Bryan only smiled
his expansive smile, and took off his
coat and went to work. His first move
was to challenge the republican nom
inee1o a series of joint debates. That
gentleman contemptuously accepted.
They met, and Bryan smothered him.
The young men of the district, with the
inherent love of youth for a "plucky
fighter, lined up and . yelled for the j
new champion. To everybody's sur
prise, Bryan reversed the normal re
publican plurality. Two years later, at
the second election, he pulled through
by a scant 140 votes, but even this
was an achievement. Judge Steele re
signed a remunerative position to make
the race ,and put down this daring
young David. The judge has probably
regretted that resignation many times
When the time for the third contest
came, Bryan, with the rarest of luck,
or the rarest of, judgment, announced
himself as not a candidate, and went
into the Chicago convention as the
orator of the Platte. :
It is estimated that 5,000,000 people
heard Bryan during the campaign of
189C. Of course there is no way of
authenticating the figures, and yet it
is easy to see that they are possible,
for Bryan spoke morning, noon and
night, and every where.the train stopped
between times. He almost duplicated
the feat in 1900 (and so did the vigor
ous candidate for vice president on the
opposing ticket), so It is easy to see
SljeTIrgus Daily Slort Story
The Last Straws.-By Carl Williams.
Copyrighted, 1908, by Associated Literary Press.
Though the windows were opened
to the fullest, no breath of air seemed
to enter. The awning ropes huug limp
and lifeless. The scallops that were
bound in gay braid did not stir.
From the hall came the clatter of
the cleaners as they worked in other
offices already emptied of workers,
and once or twice one of the women
poked her head through the open door
to see bow soon she could get In to
cleau room No. 802.
Stella bent wearily over the type
writer, her flying fingers writing iu the
addresses from a bugo list on the desk
beside her, while at a nearby table the
office boy slipped in the circulars
which the envelopes were Intended to
To Stella it bad seemed the last
straw when just before closing time
the office manager had brought her
the voluminous list aud had ordered
her to see that the circulars were sent
out that evening. He was going out
of town and had left early.
The other clerks had slipped out as
soon as he had disappeared, and with
only the assistance of the boy she had
to send out UOO circulars. In his hurry
t get away the manager had uoteven
left the usual "supper money," so she
would get nothing to eat until she
reached her boarding bouse. It would
be long after' the regular dinner hour.
and she would be lucky to get any
thing at all.
It was nearly 8 when the last en
velope swallowed up the last circular
and she was free to no. The eievator
had stopped running, so she and ber
helper faced a walk down eight flights
of stairs. For the third time In as
many hours Stella told herself that
this, was the last straw
She was not used to the grinding toll
of the city, and even the regular work
came hard. When her father had died
and his wife had followed him to the
grave within a few months all of the
little savings had gone to the physician
and the undertaker.
Stella faced the task of self support
bravely enough, but there were time3
when her overtired nerves were rub
bed to rawness and even . the little
things of life bore heavily upon her
The extra work coming at the close
of a particularly trying day had ex
hausted her vitality. Listlessly she
climbed aboard an uptown car and
cans: into a seat, glad that the home
going j-uep was.jver.and that she did'-
tention during campaigns, but what has
kept hm in the public eye between
What has held Bryan close to the
people's heart and head? The answer
best worth considering is this: The
and the Chautauqua, especially
the Chautauqua. In the great middle
west, which is the backbone of Bry
an's support, the Chautauqua is an in
stitution. There are, approximately,
COO or more scattered through the
west, and every season adds to their
number. Bryan is the Chautauqua star,
par excellence, the headliner of them
all. His voice is big, his personality
is big, well suited to large auditoriums
and unconventional crowds. He can
talk politics and not offend, for he has
a 6ense of humor and is willing to turn
the laugh against himself occasionally.
He can talk ethics and leave his audi
ence exalted. The republicans who
come to laugh remain to admire, the
democrats who come to admire remain
to worship, and all of them file up and
shake hands almost prayerfully. Bryan
meets many of them personally. If
the democratic county committee isn't
there to receive him, he doesn't care.
He talks to the policeman on the cor
ner or the baggageman at the depot.
He dodges no subject but one. That
one is Bryan. , .
"It's all right, to talk personalities
between friends," says Mr: Bryan,
"but when I have talked of myself for
publication, I have been appalled at
the number of Ts' and 'me's which
seem to have crept in."
Birt upon a public platform a nan
must be 'personal.' No matter how' In
frequent the personal pronoun, it is his
voice which speaks, his eye which
flashes, his arm which gesticulates, his
personality which dominates the scene.
And Bryan talked thus personally to
300,000 people during the Chautauqua
season of 1907. He has been deliver
ing from 100 to 150 lyceum and Chau
tauqua addresses yearly for a dozen
Few people realize the extent and
influence of the chantauquas and the
possibilities they afford a public man
with a purpose. It is doubtful whether
Mr. Bryan himself realizes his indebt
edness to them. Comparatively few
people know anything about the extent
of the chautauqua movement, and es
pecially in the east, where the chautau
qua originated, is the ignorance of the
real outgrowth most profound. The
conservative democrat of the east, for
example, continually rubs his eyes and
scratches his head over the vitality of
the Bryan boom.
"Chautauqua?" Why, that is a lake
in western New York, with a summer
school. Some such vague Idea exists
in many minds, and even when they
do know what Chautauqua Institute
(of New York) is, they do not know
not have to stand up all the way.
The approach of the conductor
roused her from her absorption, and
she opened her purse. As she glanced
into the change compartment she gave
cry of dismay. The pooketbook.
never well filled, eveu on pay days,
was .bare of coin. .
"That bluff don't go!" The conduct
or's voice was hard and unfriendly.
He had had a row with the inspector
ou the last trip, and bis ill humor had
not yet subsided.
"You'll have to pay or get off." he
added as Stella looked up with the
tears trembling on the heavy fringe of
lashes. "We don't have to take tears
for tickets. Got the coin?"
Not daring to trust her voice, Stella
shook ber head aud thought of the
three mile walk ahend of her. - The
other last straws became Insignificant
In the fac of the new trouble.
1 he conductor reached up to pull
the rope, but: across the aisle a man
rose aud checked him.
"Don't get off. miss."
Stella looked up Into the friendly
face and smiled her thanks through
"I've got the change handy."
MYou must let me send you the
money, she said. "I am very greatly
obliged to you.?
"I forgeL where I live." was the un
blushing statement. "Just you forget
it, too, until you see some one that
needs a' nlckerreal" bed and "tell "Vm
I sent it."
He sank back in his seat, rejoicing
in the fact that Stella's confusion pre
vented her glancing across the aisle,
which enabled him to regard her stead
ily without embarrassment.
Disappointed at the turn affairs had
taken, the conductor retired to the rear
platform to devise new names for the
inspector, and Stella looked out of the
window with a new sense'' of content
ment: Nine months she had lived in the
city, and this was the first time that
any one in the throngs of men and
women had paused in the rush of the
workaday world to be friendly. Com
ing at a time when the last straw
had nearly had the effect of breaking
her spirit, if not her back, the cour
tesy was doubly welcome.
She turned suspicious, however,
when she rose to leave the carJ and
found that ber companion was follow
ing her. He read her thoughts with
that it is a mere drop in the bucket of
the great chautauqua movement of the
west. These chautauquas are held for
about 10-day sessions, from June to
September, all over the west, and the
aim is to hold them when and where
the rural population can attend. And
it does. The farmer and his family
buy season tickets, and they attend the
sessions, afternoon, and evening, for
10 days, even to physical exhaustion
and intellectual indigestion. -
, They hear the prelude by the soprano
and the reader, they listen to the lec
ture by the more or leoS great states
man, orator, ministeror traveler; they
hear the jubilee singers, the well
known author, and they see the magi
cian and the moving pictures.
If "they do not buy season tickets,
they at least drive to town on "Bryan
day." Indeed, part of Bryan's fee is
conditioned upon the extra admissions
at the gate, and it is said that his own
share amounts to about $25,000 in a
single summer In one day last sum
mer his receipts were $1,200. The
chautauqua received a like amount. .
Most people can understand the fig
ures of gate receipts if a little slow to
accept figures of speech. They can
begin to realize Bryan's popularity
when it is expressed in dollars, and
yet Mr. Bryan's fees are the smallest
P3rt of the dividends from his plat
form work, as before hinted. It is only
fair to Mr. Bryan to mention that he
makes more speeches without pay than
he does for pay. A large part of his
time is devoted to public and party
work, which not only brings no profits,
but involves a very considerable ex'
Nor does Mr. Bryan charge "all the
traffic will bear." It is interesting to
note that his contracts provide that the
admission fee to hear him shall not be
higher than the same fee for at least
two other members of the "course." Is
this- modesty the wisdom of the ser
pent or the harmlessness of the dove?
He is also cautious In expressing his
opinion of his confreres. "Who is the
greatest orator you have ever heard?"
he was asked. "Oh," answered Mr.
Bryan, coyly, yet without a blush of
self-consciousness, "I have heard too
many good democrats speak to answer
Mr. Bryan has ideas about introduc
tions, from which he has suffered, and
he lays down one infallible rule.
"When an audience becomes tired of
the introduction, it is time for the in
troducer to stop." "The laudatory in
troduction." he says, "should be avoid
ed. Not that one objects to being well
thought of, but he objects to having
people watch him while he blushes, or,
worse still, to watch him while he fails
to blush when he ought to."
Mr. Bryan has long since ceased to
blush when introduced as "our next
president," though perhaps there is a
touch of incredulity in his smile. And
if the presidency comes to him, he
may thank the chautauqua, and if the
presidency flees from him, the chau
tauqua is still there, and waiting to
welcome him again.
"I live on this street." be explained,
with a frank smile. "I live at 'J3T."
"I live at 210," she cried, blushtng to
find that she was pleased to know that
he lived nearby.
"Skerry's?" he asked. "I say
Know .the old lady. If I come over
after dinner will you let her introduce
us and go out trolley riding? It's nice
to ride up to the bridgo. There's sure
to be a breeze there."
Stella nodded. If -the particular Mrs.
Skerry was willing to act as sponsor.
surely a trolley ride was proper. Slel
la beamed ou the young man.
"My name's Jack .Murray," he went
on, anticipating the introduction
"Mine's Stella Meade," she volun
teered in return. . "I'll be glad to go
riding with you, Mr. Murray. I'd hate
to stay in the house. This has leen
such a dreadful day. When the man
ager 101a me ro stay ana get out a
lot of circulars it seemed like the last
straw that broke the camel's back.
Then the Idea of walking home seemed
worse .than that."
"Las straws may break camels'
backs," be said, with a smile, "but we
ain't camels, you see. There's always
some one hanging around to lift the
load when it gets too heavy."
Stella flashed him a grateful glance
as she stopped in f ront" of her boarding
place and watched him cross the street
to the flathouse where he lived with
his inotheft Mrs.Skerry. sitting by the
basement window in the deserted din
ing room, graciously called her to come
While the tired girl ate the half
warmed food Jier landlady dilated on
the good qualities of the Murrays.
Mrs. Murray was a member of the
same church society to which the
boarding mistress belonged, and the
1 son she thoroughly approved of.
Not until after 11 did ,they get back
from the trolley ride, for there was a
park beside the bridge which was the
terminus of all pleasure rides. They
had to dance a little, and Jack twice
treated her to ice cream. As they
stood on the steps of her boarding
place the man . looked down into be
"'. "And you'll let me call for yon
again soon?" he asked. "Don't wait
until the . straws make too heavy a
Stella nodded an assent.
"There aren't going to be any more
straws," she declared. "I guess the
only straw was loneliness, and I'm not
"And you're not going to be if I can
help it," was the hearty reply, and
Stella's heart beat faster as she realiz
ed that soon she would be neither lone
ly nor alone.; IJnlike.the earner load.
her laBt straw had led to unhap
Humor mZ Philosophy
By DUNCAN M. SMITH
Some girls find the most distressing
thing about a broken engagement t
be the giving back the diamond ring.
The courage of many a man
wholly In his bank account.
Poverty Is accounted a blessing by
some proverb makers, but most of ua
find or Imagine it Is one that we
could be happy without.
It would save much guessing and
straining if the psychological moment
would always wear Its label.
Some people envy the man who pay
his bills promptly, and some consider
The man who knows how to manage
a woman doesn't.
Whatever else you do when you start
out to criticise your friend, talk about
When lawyers are minding their own
business they are prying Into some
When a man's wife tells him what
she thinks of him she doesn't do any
thing of the sort.
He la au undeserving wretch wh
dodges what is coming to him and
keeps roaring for his due.
The Campaign Lie.
When other arguments nave fa!l9d
And things are looking blue
The campaign lie comes on the seen
To see what it can do.
It likes to have a slender book
On which to hang its hat.
But it. if none is to be had.
Does not Insist on that.
With sinister and keen delight
It looks across the land
To see if it can spot a speck
That mischief might expand.
The muck rake is its magic wand.
It digs with all its might
In mire and, like a mucker, gloats
When scandal comes to light.
It doesn't dally with the facts
Except to warp and prime -The
things that might a credit be
And make them seem a crime.
Through private letters It explores.
In lives of men to pry.
And what it doesn't find inside
Its fancy can supply.
Did you believe but half the tales
It peddles far and wide -You'd
think that every candidate
Stole chickens on the side.
And it is Just as well you don't.
Though from your point of view
The lies about the other side
You half believe are true.
There Was a Reason.
'Jaggers cannot see why he wasn't
elected. He gave away several thou
sand cigars during the campaIgn.,,
"Did he give you one?"
"And you smoked them?"
"Then you ought to understand tho
think much of
"No; he has
written a book
So Much Watted.
"A fortune' teller told bim he would
'I suppose that pleased him mighti
4No; he has been feeling bad ever
sluce thinklmr how unhappy it would
make him if he had to die leaving part -
of it unspent!" -
, V"" Question of Taste.
"About this hair tonic." said the
credulous citizen who had just invest
ed in a bottle, "how do you take it
internally or externally?"
"Depends on where you want the
hair to grow," replied the laconic drug
clerk. " - - . . '
Forgot the Raisins. .
N"What fund do we charge the dried
fruit toT asked the new-head of the
commissary department. :
"Current expenses, replied the ama
teur humorist without looking up from
nis book. " .'. "
."What is the first thlflgneceasary for
4 detective?" - ' "
"Gum shoes." " 4 f -
'And the next?" ' ;
'' . .Generally.
'"Wnat Is a Joke without a po!ntf
"T know.' ' -
- "Tell as." " , : ? ' ' .
"The one you usually teU. "