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Pat f to rsstive steed which, after a
sure, if ye'rs goir g to get up it's toime
Host fproudly): "And this is a masterpiece of Rembrandt!"
Visitor: "Great Scott, man! What is that unsightly hole in the corner?.
Host: "Well, you ice, my wife is an
rest until she cut the signature out and
THE FOOLISH CAPTAIN.
In a certain regiment there was a
private of very small stature who, to
make himself look as bii: as the r-st.
had a very tail home. It was well
known that I'rivate Johnson could not
mount Unas-Fitted, so there wis sres-t
amusement w hen one day they h ar J
GETTING THE SON IN HIS EYES.
srv hi n h' V.
-dt& - .
ii i iiiu- -
RAPPED IN SLUMBER.
REHEARSIXG FOR THE PARADE.
busy ten minutes, has succeeded in getting its foot in tha stirrup): Ooh,
for mo to get c'own."
autograph collector, and she wouldn't .
pasted it in her album.
A TRAINED NURSE.
QUESTION STILL OPEN.
Huband Does that new novel turn
Wife It doesn't pay. It only says
thfy ver- m:rrifd.
"I-'rivate JoJ.i sijn. dismount."
Private Jylmsci! psv no pisn.
Asa in th order w as g-lven, with a
A third time th captain gave the
private .Tt!u.P"n. d'smmint," but the
little i-rivnte r.ra'il kee- patience no
(n." a' i fairiv rnared out:
" Don't a f ol. catjtaln. You know
i can't tt- t f11 avf.iin."
WHERE SOLOMON'S WISDOM FELL DOWN.
f:--':-:A--- l-t,f7r-:?anVA V?4t 1 XXSPf L frJ'VK- I in- v,rvh.,dV. wearln' -reen.
EVWi. -l!-J- ! HER EYES FELL. 'Xl VV
pfy.;! tf ,1 A in danger. vdrf.' - , A'',' ' " r'
iVilYT g -?W I -Did yer get anyfink. Bill?" vlw f ! -'M'ptlT ' 1 '-t--''. I' . i
JT 74" "-S-B-B-L F T "N.h: the bl. wot lives 'ere Is K .V, f ' J J, V.'' J,, ' V.. ',
"QI ' " "Blimy! Come aht Quick or you'll I ', tCT y.'
1iii?'j"rt-. Lodger tlow dared you lose my Jet-! -Xk- " I "5 V ' '
sVf gyS7' J "ii'- - Iuidlady Don t worry. I read it. j , kJr--'- :jr' N c.''f;;Ji'.---'-' i-
-v i-V - j and it was not interesting. : 'j, -- " ,". " . -' -r
($7 Tkl -,. , t..rr- I not in violation. " '
THE ROCK TSANI ARGUS. SATURDAY, MARCH 4. 1911
ABOUT THE SAME THING.
"By George!" said Mr. Polar Bear as
he grazed at the borealls. "It's a cork
er." "No," said Mrs. Polar Bear. "It Is
not a corker; it's aurora,"
TIT FOR TAT.
Musician This note you grave me Is
Auditor It's not worse than many
th.it your orchestra played.
SHE CAME BACK.
Rejected Suitor Don't you think I
am wfii prserv-d?
Saucy coquette JudeMns frotn ytror
, latf, l Biiuuiu - juu w f ir riiiuttimcu.
THE LID OFF IN THE CITY.
Solomon (returning from tha club): "Z'at you, my
GOOD INTENTIONS NOT AL
A Rhv Vfiunp man had l,ern r.illir.e
on "the" sweetest girl in the world" fo-
many moons: but. being bashful, his
suit projrresad slowly. Finally she
decided to encourage him. so the next!
time he called she pointed to the rose
in his coat and said:
I II give you a kiss for that rose."
A crimson flush overspread his conn-
tenance, but the exchange was made
'fter some hesitation on his part.!
; j 1 1 r- muiiru ins umi miu rtartea
! to leave the room.
I "T-t,v- viiia are x-n nin.r
T J " . 1 " - " But tie- BUT-
"To the er florist for more roses,"
7" t ?A i !
O Ffi mil
Jt-J7 out of him and never mov
ffl SAVING TIME.
Avoiding all mud of country roads,
horses or loss of human life.
V f 'fx-"V t---arm wr.., rtf" " y)
A BAN K CASHIER
With many years' experience wishes a
change. Ha occupied his present po
niilnn with one of the stroriciat and
most substantial institutions in the j
j country, for over hfteen years. Ad-
THE UNIVERSAL COLOR.
Ah. Nora. dear, an" don't forget thej
I snamrocK i..r your nair,
j An' a sprig t grace your true love's
I ppt your ribbons gayly .lyln'.
So no eye rnn lelp eypyiu
.. . . . .,.ul... , - .
Knr, what's 'he rtav? Ye needn't ask
ye Know the month Is March.
I An' we've reached at last the day
f When your true love marches gayly
Wld a brand new big shillalah.
An' everybody's wearln' g:- en.
St. Patrick must be- smllin' whin he
sees the world I elow
Forget the wintry frost that it has
NOT IN VIOLATION. !
"Don't you know that it la forbid &?n
to fish here?" 1
I ttut i am not n?nurg. I ;t: or..y
1 rlvlng my rri- a iiiwlm." i
, WHY IS IT
"That a large dog will allow a let of
small children rearly to tease the life
There's no doubt as to his pdlirre.
Some rar in Franro his life brran.
But French or Knjtltsh all irree
St. Patrick was a rontlennan.
a better chance to admire the scenery, no stench of gasoline or friohtening
Oh, France has cot th fleur-de-lis.
And Knrl:ind's rot the rose.
And Scotland for '?er ensign
The heather thistle shows.
But Ireland's pot the shamrock
In all the va!l"ys seen.
And ever wears upon her heart
The triple shield of green.
AT THE LAWYER'S.
"You want a divorce? What are
"Well. 1 can't stand my wife any
"Is that all? My dear fellow, nenrlv
nil of us coul 1 ay th-it."
ii 1 .-Yv.
TONIC OF THE SUBURBS.
"Smuds is living In th! country
"Ys. Wlin I met him he saluted:
me with 'iotl morning! Have yo
hud jour ;-;isMiifras t--a?' "
A VISION OF ERIN.
A bit av a tuoe t' r m ear 1h brought
By a passing, niririint breeze,
A bar from a t ine me ears once knew
In a land t rro? t; seas.
It s tho dear old ' Wearl! g av the
And It bears me far awdy.
In mind ,- iul ioart I'm in Krin's U!e,
And it's morn. St Patrick's day.
First Eurgiar: I swiped this from
Second Burglar (aftar sizir-a tna
to get samethina en tKat-''
l ,i.!r: i.,ii'
"but a respectable gentleman who
hapoens to o'.l him C3c( dog' is liUely
to meet seme such reception as thi7
A SOUND REASON.
Mistress--! Mdr't nu hear me call-
Janc-TfK'm. Imt yni t'1.1 m-i tha
othrr day r v, r tn hinswer ynu back.
4 r '
THE TURNING OF THE TIDE.
"Per""t. I've 'r ,jiped rov di itnon l
rmr dov.n thi- bath I lp. You rnut
m-iul for a 1 Irimber "
"No; I'M h iy "u aii'.tber rim;. It
w 111 1 e h ;.T" T "
A LUNCHEON FOR MAPCH 17.
i re. i of j, i .. . li
r ii. i , ji , r .. , i m - ; ii j.caa.
I,HlH (.' .i!.ol.
1'ii'a !iio I' i- n-.i ii i'iiif.i sith er. en
b'lri" .v'all d nlvmiiK,
Ol iv. ir en -i !' .
1 1 1 1 "4 ! r, - ; Mil. I i-!,jl! wr-r,. . oi to
' partly Indoors ni. l pirlly outdo'irs.
Tli S'Trc! ' 't.e -V'i. 'ir H it what
will l-j'i' o to iiiu if t-i" U .or hIkiik.'
THL DRAMA UP 70 DATE.
('- s, j-e.ii nr- s ,r-- timt o.t n"w
pi iy will a ru
He ' ' f I .; 'II 'i I. . ".e, t ll mill'
a-r bl !i'" . h-n b - r .rl i'
a itcre o.-i C'oa-'..af "
"(mC u)s ",Vt!., ru o-fcht J able
i i r