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THE ROCK ISLAXD ARGUS, SATURDAY, MAY 13, 1911.
Y THE MERRY WAG BUNCH
AN "EXTRY" IN BABYLON.
"Husband, husband, what do you mean? You've hit mamma with tho
"It's all right, dear. I'm merely breaking the news to mother."
HOW IT STARTED.
; V ; -
David: "Sorry, Goliath, but I had to have my little fling."
" A PAIR OF IMPOSSIBLES.
"Do you think any one man- could
ever read all the new books?"
"No more than could any on man
drink all the liquors that are distilled."
Mr. X.- Oh. I've been doing .quite a
round of calls, and I've been so un
fortunate! Mrs. T. What, everybody out?
Mr. X. No, everybody In.
DUE TO SULTAN OF SULU.
"What was the matter with the hotel
page who was hurried to the repair
-He was calling for Sultan Hadji
Mohammed Tamalul Klram of Sulu
and stepped on his tongue."
The old soldier stood on the do --.;;
"Washing day." he muttr-red. ":
"I expect lFs only another bothering
beggar, confound "em!" mutt?r .1 th
anjrry tvpin.in within as rhe l.aptiiy .
matched her hands from the steaniinc :
washtub nnd marched grimly forwanl '
to mtet the base disturber of washing
day's ancient rites and ceremonies.
"If ye please, mum." muttered the
ancient hnro. Tve lost my ley"
"Well, I ain't rot It!" snapped the
And the door closed with an awful ;
to: :PKijvif'it mmm
m i v -
CUPID'S DECOY IN DARKTOWN.
"Whad's dat gal wearin' a chicken on her haid fo'f"
"Why, dat's do stuff, niggah. Hit's a catch bonnet."
ulcu. - wf at Art,-
A STRETCH OF IMAGINATION.
The Mother Whatever is the mat
ter with baby?
Nurae Dunno, ma'am. I was only
tryln' to make lm smile with the glove
THE. USUAL ULTIMATUM.
Polioeman (to would be suicide in water): "Git out o' hero or I'll shoot!"
GOOD REASON FOR IT.
"I see a premiere danseuse la adver
tised to danco with five snakes twined
"Should think she would. If a snake
got on me I'll bet I'd dance."
CHARGE OF 1911..
'Arf a hinch, 'art a hlnch,
'Arf a hlnch honward.
'Ampered be 'obble skirts.
'Opped the Four 'Undred.
BIG ONES GET AWAY.
For all the troubles that we bear
There's consolation sweet In this:
The won we have do not eompiire
With all the greater ones we mill.
Dancer When do you go on?
Singer Rlprht after thi trained cats.
Dancer Goodness me! Why doesn't
tho manager try to vary the monotony
of hl3 acts?
HAD READ ABOUT IT.
Mary had an aeroplane
With winjrs as white as snow.
They're picking up the pieces now
Because it wouldn't go.
"Well, this is the rnost hospitable town I'vo over struck. Food and drink set right out at the
Husband (near the rail Oh. let me i
Wife (In steamer chair) That's Just J
like you. James. You never could hold ,
your own. I
ROOM AT THE TOP.
The schoolmaster was explaining the
"(PA j circulation of the blood.
, ir l was to stana on my neaa me
; blood would rush to my head, wouldn't
i No one contradicted.
"Now." he continued, "when I stand
on my feet why doesn't it rush to my
j "Icaue," the bright boy suggested,
i "your feet ain't empty."
i NOT "DECOROUS EITHER.
! The wife of a clergyman warned him
' as ho went oft to officiate at a funeral
! one rainy day. "Now, John, don't stand
with your bare hed on tho damp
' prround; you'll catch cold."
THE AUTOIST TODAY.
"Where shall we go today. Erna?"
"John, bring me the globe."
She (concerned about her mother's
health) Don't you ' think mother
should have a change? I don't like her
looks at present.
The Brute (heartily) I never did.
TO REFORM IT.
Does the world seem cold to you?
Your own heart ftres may warm It
Take another point of view
lnstanter you reform itl
NOT USED TO IT.
Mastei" I'm sorry to bear your fa
ther died last night. George. I'd no
idea he was seriously ill.
Jarge Waal, 'twere this, way. Doc
tor 'e come In the mammY air" mother
she ask 'un what she w-ere to gl" fey
ther. an doctor ' ses, "Gle 'un any
thing e 've a mind to ask for," an' mid
dle o' the night feyther ' asks for a
I quart o" beer. Mother aer. "Ain't got
, no beer." Gives 'un a .glass of watter
! killed 'un?
'"1. iwn m m m ! "
BUILDING A CYCLOPEDIA.
"What became of Hamlet McDuffy,
the gallery rods' favorite?"
"Writing a book on 'Wives I'vo Had.'
He's got as far as the Jth volume."
COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.
Mrs. Penhecker I d like to see the
man I was afraid of!
Mr. Penhecker So would In fact.
rd even like to shake his hand.
Hes "I mm going to kiss you when I go."
She: "Leavo tho houso at onoo."
"Why didn't you protect yourself
when the lieutenant kissed your
"Why, at first I was speechless, and
then I thought I would see how many
times the Impudent fellow would dare
to do it."
HERE'S TO 'EM.
Here's to the women of the stage.
One day unknown, the next tbe rage!
Had tbey no enarsns for in and you
' What would tbe poor old fioiiat de?
OUT OF STYLE.
"What a rut that Mia Backly lived
"Tea. Think of her eloping with a
coachman in thta age of chauffeurs!"
THE MAKER OF THE MATCH.
"Here's to the bride."
"Mamma, Is that his harem skirt?"
j-wii. sj-trrm mil -t
WHY HE WA8 THERE.
"What brought you here?" b1g thi
"Youth," said the convict sadly.
"Youth? Why, you look Quite fifty
"Not my youth, sir; my lawyer's."
.-..- rt v - v. " , -..4i
'ITi p 11
"I would like some powder, please."
"Faoe, gun er kua?"
A BEAR fcRO'EWF-rT,
Mrs. Growler I think eWd btte
move on if we dox't at csn; P?i
taken on storage.