Newspaper Page Text
THE ROCK ISLAND ARGUS. WEDNESDAY, JULY 12, 1911.
DcOy and Weekly a
wmu Reek Idiad, ZIL CEs-
tared at. tie
BY THE JL W. POTTER CO.
TKRJCBl DDy. IS Mats per wee.
Weakly. (1 per 7 Mr ra ilwrnw
AH iialnatVme of MguiuwUHw
abaxaster. political or rellartowa. must
have real um attaebad for pabUeev
tkm. V each articles wtU printed
over fletttletM alamai ureal
Oott pondnca solicited frees every
tawaabtp ta Rock Xalajad eoenty.
Wednesday, July 1 1911.
Stngr a song of Bummer, tbla weath
ers all w -want.
They say that Helen Blazes is the
rammer girl at IS 11.
The prodactlon of a fa roe by aba
Ruef. 8an Francisco's former polltl
ca boss, In San Quentin penitentiary
Is a dramatic triumph that most play
writers win not seek to em a late.
Every dav brings new uses for
aerial navigation. In Oklahoma the
other day a thief of whom tbe sher
iff was In close pursuit leaped into
a mounting balloon and floated off in
General Bixby, chief of army engin-
eers. expresses the opinion that the ,
destruction of tbe Maine was caused
by the explosion of its magazines. It
is the open season for guesses, to be
closed when all the water has been
pumped out of the caisson and experts
have examined the hull-
- - i
lie nw n- rsnners wuo w,
hungry owing to the light crops. It :
is the rest of the world who have o J
eat what the farmers raise. The
smaller the crojs thf bigger th
prices. The larger the crop the mo?
the farmer has to sell. He catches
them both coming- and going.
With Maxtae Elliott replying to bt
erstwhile husband, Xat Goodwin's 1
latest love book, and saying he is
money mad and ready to try everything
from mines to malice to attain his
ambition; with Ethel Barrymore and
her lord. Roswald Griewold Colt, talk
ing of making up, and with Emma
Barnes and Emilio de Gogorza uniting
their fortunes, the footlight favoritej
are getting a fair amount of mid-summer
The Gift of Tongues sect, a crazy
bunch of men atil w.omen. introduced a
religious vaudeville the other day ai
Prttsfleld. They were waiting In a
gospel tent for an expected manifesta
tion from heaven. In their ardor they
rolled about the straw-covered floor
and groaned and howled and prayed,
but tbe only "'manifestation" was
oceans of perspiration and exhaustion
until several collapsed and had to be
carried out. Religious gymnastics
should have been reserved for cooler
Raving tli Pieces.
Tbe Standard Oil company, in
obedience to the decree of the court,
is dissolving itself into a brood of
subsidiary corporations. It Is semi
officially announced that in its new
form it will go on doing the same
kind of business as heretofore, but
will operate under separate organ
izations within th limitations of the
Pberman anti-trust act. The new
system will be less concentrated and
more expensive as a matter of book
keeping and administration, but It Is
not believed that the earning power
of the parts will be seriously di
minished. The big shareholders do not term ,
to h Win Wn n.nHi.r ih.
fort to adjust mqnopoly to lgal
Democrats Making HoneM KflTurtM
The democrat aie sincere in their the old ailiauee between Taft and Ald
rfforts to run the national house of ! rich still exists, the president himstU
representatives on an economical bus-: furnished it on two notable occasions
iness basis The report of Jerry 3outh. within the last couple of weeks when
hief clerk of the houne. Just msde pub-' he went out of his way to endorse the
lie. showa thst during the month of Aldrlch near-central bank schema
June a saving of SS.eCl.9D was effected which Is designed to give Wall 6treet
as a resnlt cf tbe abolishing of useless ' absolute control of the money and
offices. This Item, which does not In j credit of the United States, and thus
elude the big reduction on the police i make It the absolute master of busi
force whl h the senate has not yet ' ness and industry
concurred in. but will approve shortly. 1 Progressive republicans contend that
means a saving of SK't.742 RO in : it the president should be renominated
year. . ! and reelected "he would continue to be
ic if wr ,n,pmooni tarn. I! ir
true, but the spirit i in striking con
trast to the waste paper baskets In
the office of Postmaster General
Hitchcock and the expensive recrea
ous taken by the Aldrlch monetarvj
rommlaelon at public expense at Nar-
t agansett pier.
The Coiirirt' Family. '
Ought the state keep a convieted i
man In prison without remunerative !
employment, the proceeds of hla toil. ,
lf employed, to go to his family t
assist in their support?
This question comes up anew
from tbe action of an inmate of s
Louisiana prison who requested a pa
rol thst he may go out and work
to maintain his wife and babies.
A man who hss committed a crime
deserves punishment, but bis wife
snd children ought not to be com
l pellsd to suffer because bs bas trane-
snreaaed the law. TVe onsbt net to
permit, the lenoeent to suffer with
If a prisoner fcas a family depend
ent upon fcJm he should be employed
at useful labor in prison and allow-
i pi A fair v&go. This should p tent
to his family. The man meanwhile
would be puniehed but his family
would be aided to the extent of b's
earning power while still a convict.
Phrenologists are beginning to study
this question and the time cannot
be far away when prisoners will not
alone be punished by incarceration
but be of some use to their families.
What it costs to keep a convict in
prison should be deducted from his
earnings but in all fairness his fam
ily is entitled to the remainder.
It may be argued that convicts
ought not to be employed as it is
an unnatural competition with free
labor. But the fact is they are em
ployed and as far as possible at la
bor that does not compete with the
free, honest toller.
In this state convicts are employ
ed In th manufacture of articles re
quired by other state institutions.
Their output should not be sold In
the open market. But the result of
their toil after deducting the expense
of their keep should not go to the
state but to the maintenance of their
wives and children.
Much has been done to soften tbe
hardships of prison life but thus far
nothing has been done to alleviate
the sufferings of the Innocent wife
A Real Hero.
Real heroes are not found in 6tory
books or on the stage but In every
day life and usually among the aver
age citizens. One of these heroes,
as brave a man as ever lived. Is
Thomas J. Ahearn. deputy Are chief,
and for 3 5 years a member of the
New York f.re department.
. fl on . , . '
,nJur5e8 that nearljP cogt hJm h,g fe
Ultimately he recovered but his bear-
ing was permanently Impaired and
recently when the competitive exam
inations of the deputies for tbe pot
of ehlf of the department took place
the board reluctanMv derided that
this rM time ;njnry had so seriously
au-oyou hih powtr or hearing es
t0 bar him from entering the com- j
petitive i,sts for the supreme posi- j
tlon on the fir force. , Docc!cg for the summit. Then they
Prior to his experience v.t 1 s. 4 j are enabled to return to the shelter tbe
be had revived the liennett ir e1:U same day.
for braver- by nakir.j? a splendid j The Randall party reached tbe toi.
rescue at the r?k cf his life. Vt!ias wts recorded in Dr. Bean's diary.
on duty at a Are a rnpn rushed to
him Imploring him to mve bis v ife
and child from the lock rooms of a
tenement, on the first Soor. Ahenin
went through choking enol.-e to the
rooms and crawled about on hie
hands and knees after getting there
but could not find the woman or
child. They had. as a matter of fact,
escaped. When he turned to make
h! own escape, it was to discover
that the door through which he had
entered had closed with a spring
lock. He was weakening fast and
could not force the door open. Then
flames shot In upon him. Tlis cap
and hair were burned off. The flic
attacked his eyes and ears. Desper
ately he managed to kick a hole in
a lower panel and then fell flat with
his face thrust through the aperture,
managing to breathe and keep alive
till his men res.".iud Ij'm. For six
months his life was in peril.
In his letter to Major Gaynor on
the subject Commissioner Johnson
extolled Ahearn and concluded:
"I believe that it would he highly
proper to bestow somewhat iinusrral
distinction upon him. The law per
mits retirement on full pay, which in
his case would mean a pension for
the remainder of his life of S4.20
a year. Such action I would like to
take with your approval."
The mayor's approval was prompt-
Acting Chief Kenlon said in tri
bute to Ahearn:
"No other officer in the depart
ment was so well beloved and so
highly reepected by the rank and
Taft Still Too Near t Aldrlch.
, President Taft will be opposed by
' rtanv irnprpttgii- rpnnhHi'MTla frr n rf-
nomination on the grouud that he is
reg-'stiil the mouthpiece of Aldrlch and the
great law-defying industrial corpora-'
tions of the country. .
i If proof was necessary to show that
10' .ui""i "
te Aldrlch. who are striving constant- j
ly to make the great masses of the )
public little more than the serfs of the
sew men who compose the great fl nan-
e'sl combination, of which J. Pierpont
Morgan and the Standard Oil capital
lats are tbe most conspicuous figures."
And Mr. Taft now publicly confirms the
fMr of ,r progressives.
Thfrpfor the only thin left for tbs
pub,lc ,e mclud th" Taffs re
tnc,ion woula nereaaamy piece oaci;
in control 01 rtmajraes me same class :
of men who were sweet out by the in-1
dtuation or the putmc in tbe last elec
tion. Tbat Mr Taft is but the mouthpiece
of Aldrlch in all his speeches in which
he sdvoeates the Aldrlch monetary
scheme as being "the most important
legislation before the public is evidi't.t
en the face of tbfKS. Per Mr. Taft
1 as h'm.e'f been frank t,oili tr say
that knows eoth'ng aboat rhe Aid
rich linn; that he hfc net studied thj
financial question, and that ha bta
taken hi ccevlctior.a from tbi virt
have tcld him 'he Aldrlch plan fchouli
be ado.-tte i.
Taffs strong- esdcrteiaeni cf lis
Aldricb scheme will make it more nec
essary than ever for the progressives
within his party to prevent his nomina
tion. It also means that the Aldrlch
scheme will be made One of the big
campaign Issues of 1912. The demo
crats desire no better issue. The
scheme Aldricb. has cooked up gives
to Morgan the power of life and death
over business and industry. For the
life of both is credit, and the control
of credit Taft would place absolutel
in Morgan's hands.
SEEKS BODY FORTY
YEARS IN GLACIER.
Randall Will Welch Bat-ens'
Mouth For Har Father.
Hoping that the traditions of tbe
Bessons glacier of Mont Blanc will
hold true for her and give up Its dead
after forty years. Miss Edith C Ran
dall of Qulncy, Mass., whose father.
John C. Randall, a banker, lost bis
life, with ten others, on Sept. 7, 1ST0.
will soon start for Chamonlx, at th
foot of the mountain and take np be1
vtgtl in the expectation that tbe body
will be disgorged. She has visited the
Icy tomb of tbe Qnincy banker three
times twice just to gaze at bis tem
porary burial spot and last year on a
similar errand to this, which proved
Alpenstocks and other articles be
longing to tbe party recently have been
recovered as tbe Ice of tbe glacier
melted and ran to the eea, and for this
reason Miss Randall hopes that at last
she may recover the body.
Mr. Randall, Dr. James B. Bean of
Jonesborough, Tenn., and tbe Rev.
George M. Corldndale of Scotland,
with eight trained guides, were tbe
ones to be swept to their death on' the
summit of Mont Blanc in 1S70. Mr.
Randall had for many years been plan
ning, an ascent of the mountain that
hs taken n toll of ha'f a thousand
climbers, and le 1' ft his home in May,
Xfort P.5aa.v Is in.7"J fet high. At
th Jo, 000 foot point i- fh-ltwr house
where the climbers spend the night
an(j make en early dash the next
but on the return t?lp they were over
taken by a terrific storm. Tbe party
was seen from Chamonlx proceeding
ficvly, tut finally tbe snow became so
thick that they were hidden from
view. The top of the mount was not
visible again for eight days. Five of
the party Dr. Bean and the Rev. Mr.
Corkindale, -with three guides were
found, but friends and relatives of the
six others still are anxiously await
ing further proof of the tradition that
the glacier always yields Its dead. It
never bas failed heretofore.
AFFECTS BIRTH RATE.
Phylsloian Tells ef Experiments With
the Thyroid Gland.
Tbe mysterious thyroid gland may
exert a direct Influence for large or
small families, according to Dr. Held
Hunt of Washington, who gave the
result of his experiments to the Amer
ican Medical association.
In bis experiments with the thyroid
giand Dr. Hunt had observed remark
able effects. He fed three groups of
four mice for four months and found
that fecundity or sterility depended
on the activity or idleness of the gland.
A group of mice was fed on oatmeal
and liver. This stimulated the activ
ity of the gland, and at the end of four
j months there were no little mice. On
the other hand, the second group.
which had crackers, milk and eggs, in
creased to 101 lp the period.
Corn meal and milk greatly reduced
the birth rate in a third group of four
mice. Fed on this diet, they had sixty
nine youns in four months.
MAN LORD AND MASTER.
1 Massachusetts Judge Holds Wife Has
Nothing to Say.
These precepts for the guidance of
. wives and husbands in cases of dlffer-
Uld down by j0jge Charles L. Long
m the separate support case brought
br Mrs. Edith S. Marsh against Hen
ry D. Marsh, assistant treasurer of
the Five Cent Pavings bank of Spring
To begin with, tbe husband Is abso
lute lord and master of the exchequer.
Under tbe law he is entitled to his
meals at any hour be wants them.
He may select such food ss bs
chooses. If he wants one food and
his wife another the husband's de
A servant girl to whom the husband
objects must be discharged.
Finally, man, who pays tbe bills.
M M.rah did not inderse the
court., opinl118 and ,.ld
Restaurant No 2
1614 2d Ave.
From 1 1 to 2 p. m.
OPEN DAY Z NIGHT
. J. E. Wnited. Prop,
"As a dream when one
Ho. therm are a hundred tvavs
To the long-lost yesterdays I
Some go trudging through the rain.
Through the fog of wasted tears
That has Md the htfls of pain
On the borders of the years:
Some go by the laughing streams
Down and down the road of dreams.
Ho. day dreamers are we all! t
And oft on our ears will fall
Half forgotten songs we sang
When we had no thought of care.
And toe hear the bells that rang
Ever softly, sweetly, there
Then before our eyes, in sooth.
Stretch the fair, wide fields of youth.
'So there are a hundred tvays
To the long-lost yesterdays ;
Ways that hire us on and on. "l
Back and back the endless miles
That our lagging feet have gone,
Into all the other tohiles
Where our youth forever glaants '
Down and down the road of dreams.
The Argus Daily Short Story
A Tin Pddler's Love Story By Joseph B. Hu?hes.
Copyrighted. 1911. by Associated Literary Press
I was peddling tinware in tbe coun
try, stooping at farmhouses to sell my
goods to women. I was a successful
tin peddler. Tbe statement may seem
superfluous to s story.' bnt it 1b quite
important in this one. Only one who
understands tbe Idiosyncrasies of wo
men could sell them tin or any other
kind of goods. Ergo, I, being a suc
cessful tin peddler, must understand
women. But tbe mala reason why I
think I understand them is because I
know T don't.
On one of my tours I struck s young
bachelor farmer and concluded to stop
all night at bis house. He had no
woman to do anything for him. and
he cooked and took care of the bouse
himself. I asked him If he didn't
need a helpmeet.
"Stranger," he said, firing- np at once,
"do you mean to insinuate that I
might better take a woman Into these
"What is the objection?"
"The objection Is that they're the
most rantankerous, deceitful, pry In',
palavsrln creatures in tbs universe.
I wouldn't trust one on 'em within
forty miles of me."
"Perhaps you've been crossed in
"I doano what you mean by bein'
crossed In love, but if it's fooled in
love I've been that twict."
I had finished my supper, snd my
host bad put away the dishes, which
meant that be put them without wash
ing into a big closet. Hs told me that
bs washed dishes once a week by car
rying them in his farm wagon to
the middle of the creek. There be did
tbe work with a mop. I offered him a
cigar, which he declined and brought
out s cob pipe. Since I had an even
ing before ma with nothing to do I
encouraged him to talk-
"How bars you been fooled in lever
I asked him.
"It was this a way. I was born on
this farm, and when I wasn't but six
teen a man bought the Owen farm,
about two minutes dewn tbe road.
Hs had a little gsl about two or three
years younger than me. 8b a wss the
slickest thing yon ever seen; mighty
straight little figure, dresses not far
below tbe knees and two pigtails be
hind tied up with ribbons. I never
wss s gars boy snd didn't care any
thing about bar. Waea I mat bar en
tbe road I .used to go en tbe other
side. OscS when I passed ber I no
ticed her loekin sideways at me like
a robin or a chipmunk. When she saw
me lookln at her she dropped her eyes
on to the road and you'd 'a" thought
butter wouldn't melt In tier mouth.
"One day when 1 was nshin in tbe
crek I beard some one Just below
windia In a reel and. Jotkin' through
tbe trees, saw Mary Owen cast in" lu
a line. I jist fished en. payin' no at
tention to fcer. First tbiag I knew 1
heard a cry. I left my fishin pole
iayin" on tbe back and went to see j
what was the matter. There was
Uia LoLJi pmU -ttamb witt
awaketh." Psalm brxiii, 30.
You and I and all must know
Bypaths to the long ago ;
Now that we are old and wise
We cling to each treasured sign
That will show to us where lies
The old land of song and wine
The old land of field and tree
That we know as Used-to-Be.
And tee hear as spoken tvords
Alt the chantings of the birds,
And tvith half-closed eyes we sea
Hills that rise in living green.
Rustling grass and swaying tree.
And the sky, blue and serene.
And again in dreams we rest
In the land we loved the best.
by W. Q. Caapown)
book in it. The barb bad gone into the
flesh so far that it must be cut out.
I tuk out my knife, opened a sharp
blade and by doln' some sllcln into
the thumb took out tho hook. I must
a hurt pretty bad. She kep up till
the Job was finished, then she fell Into
my arms with ber head on ray shoul
der. "I didn't think so then, but since I've
been satisfied she just pertended to
faint on purpose. That's the fust les
son in tbe deceltfulnese o' wlmmen
klud I ever had. Even this little ga
kid wasn't willin' to let a boy about
ber own age alone, be goin' bis way
and she hers.
"Waal, when she come to or per
tended to come to herself she was lyid'
In my arms lookln' up In my face.
One falntln' wa'n't enough, so she
bad to faint ag'ln. Tbe reason for this
was that my Hps wa'n't more 'n a
couple o' Inches from hern, and 1
reckon she fainted tbe second time so's
to givesme a chance to kiss her.
"Waal, I done it. like a fool, and it
tasted so good I done it ag'ln and
ag'in. I reckon if I'd a kep' on she'd
stayed unconscious all snmmer. When
she opened ber eyes sgln she pertend
ed she didn't know I'd been kissln'
ber. I tied up ber thumb with her
handkerchief snd told her to go borne.
But she didn't. She said she felt weak
and sat on the grass with ber back up
agin a tree.
"We sst there till supper time. Then
she went home, and 1 came back
borne too. That wss the beginnln' of
it. The next day I went fishln'
gain. I didn't care for tbe fish. I
wanted to taste tbs little gal's lips
ag'in. 8he didn't care for the fish in
tbe creek. She was fishln' for a boy
bout my slse. We done a heap of
fishln' after that till I found ths
kisses didn't tests so good as tbe first
ones I took, and about that time we
younkers organized a baseball team,
and I didn't go fishln so mncb ss I
bad been doln'; consequently I didn't
see so much of Mary Owen.
"Tact of It was that I wanted to see
bow much Mary would hanker after
me when she didn't see me. And
there's where I first learned about ber
cussedneaa. Do you know, stranger,
she didn't mlssTne s bit?"
"No. I don't know." I replied.
What do you mean?"
"How can I know anything about
it Y Go on with your story-"
"When she met me on tbe road she I
said good inornin' and went fey with- j
out another word. If she bad missed j
me ehe'd "a said. 'Wby don't you go
iishio' any more? or sernep'n like j
that. Instead she tuk up with a mis'- j
able galoot of a boy tiiat weal to the J
same school as her. lie was Wneck- '
kneed, slabbed, freckled, and fas ;
teeth was black as coaiS. It toal pie i
mad to see him a-cxrryin' her Looks
for. her, she a-lookln' kidways st him. i
And the mMRt part of It was fr-r
takiu' partkua.i put. to loo-c pleas
ant at him juit when I met Vic. to j
show me she didn't care nothln' about
me and hadn't all along. If that
wasn't consarnednes8 I don't know
what consarnedness la"
"There wasn't anything consarned
about you. was there?" I suggested.
"Not a bit. I was ss innocent as a
dove; got roped in just to be made a
guy of. I wss s stupid lunkhead
then. Now 1 know better'n to trust
one of the vipers. 1 tell you. 1 know
all about 'em now; can't any on 'em
"Didn't you fall into sny other
"Yes. onct," be replied haltingly.
"Tell me about that one."
"It was tbe same gal. Mary Owen.
She went sway to boardin school, and
when she came back sbe was kind a
cityfied. But sbe was purty. I tell
you she wss purty as a new painted
mo win' machine. When she met me
she talked about when we was boy
and gal and our fishln' together, and
all that, not sayin' anything about that
slabsided boy she was leadln' on as
she did me. She asked me to go with
ber to see tbe place where she got the
fishhook into her finger. Like a fool.
I fell into tbe trap again. I went with
her to the bank of the creek, and we
itood lookln' down on tbe water. There
lad been a tumble lot of rain, and
tbe creek was high. Mary waa laugh
In and glgglin' as though she was
mighty pleased about somep'n. She
walked right up to the edge of the
bank. The current had washed it
away underneath, tbe piece she was
standin' on broke off. and down she
went with a splash into the water.
"Of course I Jumped In. too; got ber
arm around my neck, swam with ber
to a place below where the bank
sloped and put ber. drippln', on toe
grass. What did sbe do but Just what
she'd done when she rammed tbe fish
hook Into her band so she could make
me cut It out She pertended to faint."
"What did you do?"
"Ob. 1 made a fool of myself just as
I done before. 1 kissed her."
He looked very much, ashamed at
having been obliged to confess that
this imp of darkness had entrapped
bim a second time.
"What happened then?" I asked
"What happened then? Why, I talk
ed no end of 6oft stuff to ber, and the
shed eouie erockodile tears and all that,
and when we parted wo was eujfaged
to be married, liut when I got home
i an.l got to thinkra' bow many times
; I'd been fooled nod I was K-ttin deeper
and deeper into the pit she was diggin'
for me I Jist sot down and swore.
Then 1 went to see her again and told
ber that what I d been wlkin' to her
was flU rot.
SLc jlt looked at rue kind a cur'u
for itwui'ti. arid Cn-u h's up and cun
fe.ssed she'd been fo"!in" me all along."
The farmer paused, rvid-ntly having
finished bU story. ti conclusion of
which he seemed to consider bore him
out in all his assumptions as to ths
wickedness of Mary Owen.
"How long ago did this last parting
take place?" I asked.
"Oh, that was only three months
"Mary hasn't married," I said, "and,
what's more, she won't marry unless
sbe marries you. Please excuse me for
telling you tbe truth; but. though I've
seen many big fools. I never before
6aw so big a one as you."
"Why, stranger, what do you mean?"
"I mean that from tbe first the girl
fancied you, and since you wouldn't
show any Interest in her sbe practiced
a feminine plan to make yod do so.
Then you dropped her, expecting her
to show how she took the slight as
you thought sbe should show it Sbe
wouldn't have been a real girl if she
had. Since then she bas been giving
you chances to stop making a fool of
yourself, which you have been too stu
pid to take advantage of. It's quite
possible that you've made Bucb a blun
der of the whole thing that you'll never
be able to straighten It out with ber.
Tou have probably committed tbe un
pardonable" By this time be was looking at me
wildly out of bis eyes, bis color all
gone from bis face, apparently con
science stricken at what he bad done.
At the mention of tbe unpardonable
sin he collapsed.
"Go right off and humble yourself
before her for tbe Jscksnspes you are,
and. ten to one. she will forgive you."
"Do you really mean It?"
"Yes. I do."
He left me alone In the house and
went atpay to learn bis fate. I went
to bed and to sleep. At midnight he
woks me up with a whoop snd shout
ed into my ear:
"It's all right I've fixed It op with
ber. We're goin' to be married right
"I'll give you a tin colander for a
wedding present" I replied. "Thafs
more than you deserve."
I made visit to tbe couple after
they were married. I never saw such
a subservient husband in all my life
Not that his wife dominated blm, at
least not Intentionally. His action dur
ing bis long courtship seemed to have
taken away all his self confidence snd
left him like a child He never re
covered it. remaining always a self
July 12 in American
1798 Tbe notorious alien and sedition
laws signed by President John Ad
ams. 14 Dolly Msdlson (nee Dorothy
Payne), widow of President Madi
son, noted for ber beauty and sc
compiisbments, died; born 1772.
1888 Vincent Colyer, noted srtlst
died; born 12.'.
J90& -Abaldia elected president of the
republic -cf Panama.
1910Knte Tannatt Wood, author,
dkd; bom 1840.
Soda Tank Explodes.
Karkakee, July 12 T.e xploe;oii
o? a fc'la water ik ic fJriir.ui wJ!er s
coDff "M"r ary store nLatterei one em-!
f invt V j, g an-! f-r,ri:tT:red theV..s
of i'Aii ci'u :fc. The taiik - Ao l:ci j
while it vfaa bcir.g charged. '
r BVfCAV M. SMITH
ftH. ae the pretty fat mn'
" A charming- sight ia that
Out lu the vtlderneae
And having fun. I suees
At leaat he has a notion
He'a so Sns through the foottoa.
For, minus one aurpender.
His ehoulder white and tender
A blister fine is raining
That will be worm than hating.
Hla hat la old and eeedy.
Not tit to give the needy.
AH eigne of etyle are lacking;
His ahoea are minus blackJns:
Rolled trousers show a atocklttg
That at the least la shocking;
His shirt is all awry
And several buttons ahy.
It doesn't give him trouble
To find hla face In stubble.
Ha'a oS en a vacation
And living on s ration
That did hie wife but offer
Would turn him to a 'offer.
And should It be euggeoted
He'd go thus coat and vested
When he wre In tho town
Hla face would wear a frown
That would resemble thunder.
And be would say, "I wonder
Does any one imagine '
That I am but a tramp
That I should go to business
In garments of that stamp?"
Tea, you can bet a dollar
That he would raise a hollar
And telephone his tailor
To labor like a nailor
And make him clothes that ftt
But now he's on vacation '
Up at the backwoods station.
Where such things make a hit
He's proud of his adornment
And thlnke that he Is it.
From the Ove
"A crick in my .
then, about lying
hnrtn?" "Von might get
water on the'
bmln from the
"She ask-'d bi'T to rt:nner."
"Did be accent':"
"Said he'd be tickled to desth."
"That was very polite of him."
"If her cooking killed htm he wonlA
have a good excuse."
Sura of Company.
"How do you like It In your new
"Have any of the neighbors called?"
"I should say so. There are three
life insurance' agents In our block."
Preferred a Twist.
"now much are gimlets?"
"How much by tbe dozen?"
"Whether you buy one or a hundred
they are 25 cents straight
"But I don't want one straight"
"He seems to take pride in his
"He thinks more of thnt csr thsn
be does of bis wife."
"ne must think s lot of It." '
"He doesn't know enough to coma
In out of tbe rain."
"Maybe they have no bathtub st
Bhe wor her summer bonnet.
It oost her quite a bit.
Her husband made her take It oft.
For abe would talk through It.
Stupidity Is its own reward. It doesn't
suffer from a keen Insight Into the
things that wrong It.
A present trouble Is apt to discount
If we really knew what we wanted
and how to get It perhaps we would be
too lazy to get busy even then.
People who are stingy with their
money often strive to even matters by
being free with their advice.
Work snd the world will applaud yon
snd try to get s rskeoff on the products
of your labor.
For thst tired feeling try having no
mornings after for about a year.
Don't break your leg on Frlsay. It
might prove hard to hesl.
Pome persons have such a pleasant
way that you don't realize that they
bave been doing dlsgreable things
until some time after.
We are very seldom bored when ont
virtues and exploits are the subject of
One way to k-r-p your debts from
worrylrijr ynn to pay catih every time.
Sorener.s -f '1'" nuhcU,, vhethtr in
dur-ert ,y violent exf-rfi-e or injur,
U rpiift.'.y relieved V,v -he free fcM--catton
of Chamberlain's Iinime;:.
This liniment fuali valib f-.r
nus'-ular r):r -irr-ati-rn. an1 alway af
'OT'ii quick relief. .ti by ail dr.-j-