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THE ILOCK TSI1AXD ARGUS. SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 1911. 10 13 1 CHORDS AND DISCORDS S (BY J. M. C) W"HEVS A "GIRL" OLD! While the perpetrator of the inflic tions appearing weekly in these col umn was absent irom his desk figur ing up the corn hills on his 4,000-acre farm in the west, one H. E. Downer, a Davenport pedagogue, who a few years ago escaped from the. journalistic life, was tolerated as a substitute for the writer. Those who read Mr. Downer's libelous statements in these columns may doubt that he ever drew a liveli hood as a journalist. are'not in a .position to state positively that he ever gained a whole living from his news paper work, hut as proof that he might have pasted some of his best years in the game, we offer the fact that he not yet rated among the millionaires of the burg on the other side of th river, where, next to the chief of po lice, and Barney Squires, the tree trimming poet-laureate of Central park, he is one of the best known men of his adopted city. Mr. Downer is principal of one of Davenport" s schools, and he must be a good one, for the records of the board of education show that he never had a black ball passed to him in the successive years that his name has come up for reelection. Neither has he ever been known to rave bought a board member anything stronger than an ice cream fcoda as au evidence of his appreciation of the continued confidence expressed in him and his work. Be that as it might, it is nor gcrmain to this discussion. Brother Downer penned 'be insertion r.ne week ago today that the writer of these columns would in the current is sue have a series of interviews on the mooted question of when a young wo man is no lor, tier young. the Y. M. C. A. hoard of dire-tors of an eastern eity having put :i5 as the limi' of xirlhood. Mr. Downer has placed us in rather an awkward position with our 100 regular subscribers, inasmuch a.s such a thought never entered our. c;ind. However, we decided to make an f fnrt in the direction he so uncharitably set out for us. Knowing of no one bet ter qualified to discuss women than Mr. Downer, we bearded him in hia pri vate office in the Davenport school building yesterday afternoon. As w were entering the room, Brother Down er was exhibiting a slapstick to a red headed nrchin who had violated the rules of the school, and was telling him that the piece missing from the southeast corner of the stick disappear ed during a patting operation that was performed on Ambrose Green, aged 9. for placing apple cores in one of the teachers' desks during recess. Mr. Downer willingly consented to an inter view. "Some of the most delightful girls of my acquaintance are between 50 and 60." he said, gazing longingly out the east window, at the same time swat ting at a pesky fly that he said had been toying with the vacancy at the north end of his pate. But he missed the fly. "Naturally woman beautiful I? viewed from the angle of age. Much as I dislike to discuss myself, as a case in point, there are many people who take me to be older than I really am. The fact that I have silver locks and an occasional vacancy occurs in my head you understand I am referring to the absence of hair creates a wrong impression. In the first place, my gray hairs were due to an attack of typhoid fever that I suffered while voyaging in Europe in the spring of 1813. I was then a mere youngster, jou might say. I went over with one of my relatives who went to take the waters for rheumatics. I took the waters also, and the waters turned the tables on me. Not that I was not used to water, but that particular brand seemed to have a peculiar aver sion for me. At any rate it refused to s-tay with me. Somewhat after the fashion of seasickness. Of course you appreciate that it is a scientific fact that when a man begins to turn bald it is an indication of rare mental at tainments." Just then the janitor appeared with TWENTY-FIVE YEARS AGO (From the Argus flies of 18S6.) Sept. 4. Rev. s. Marquis, pastor cf the Broadway church, returned to the city last evening. The postpone-i excursion from Ce dar Rapid3 came in yesterday morn ing, and the visitors put in their time in sight-seeing at the Watch Tower and on the island. The safe which was in the ofr.ce of the burned paper mill at Miian wa3 opened this morning and the money deposited in it, $50, was found to be all right, as were tho insurance paper and other valuable instruments. Sept. C. In almost every city of im portance in the country, meetings have been held and steps taken to aid the suffering people of Charleston, which was wrecked by the recent tornadoes. B. T. Cable returned from a month's t;1p to the northern shore of Lake Superior yesterday morning, where he has been fishing for the speckled beau ties. He brings a healthy Canadian tan which attests the truth of his fish stories. Sept. 7. W. B. Mclntyre leaves for Chicago this evening on business. j Fifty-eight German Methodist min ' isters who have been attending the i conference at Muscatine, took supper tat the Rock Island House last evening. , Sept. S. Oscar Frazer is here from i Kansas to visit relatives. Mr. and Mrs. W. A. Ehleb are bless j ed with a proud boy. s Sept. 9. T. B. Davis is absent on a j business trip to Milwaukee and Chi cago. Mrs. John Ohlweiler and Mrs. Christ Gaetjtr returned yesterday from Wi nona, Miuu. Frank Munger has gone to Musca tine to see the Nine Stars down the U. S. club of that place in a third game. The cry that has been raised about ihe Union street railway's intention of striking across the bridge to Daven port by way of Twenty-fourth street may now cease." The company intends getting as near the approach to the bridge as possible, which is right, 6o that when the two cities are connected by street railway it' will be where it can get a share of the business. a broom and a dust pan, and we were obliged to vacate. SEXTOS OFF THE WAGOX. H. E. Casteel and M. H. Sexton are inveterate cigar smokers. One day they discussed the habit, and agreed that they both were indulging exces sively in the weed. "Let's quit," suggested Mr. Sexton. "Oh, I would not go that strong to begin," was the answer. "How about three a day?' "That suits me." It was agreed then and there that each should limit himself to three ci gars each day in the week, and that the one first slipping should pay for a wine dinner for the two. Neither had much confidence in the pledge cf the other. So confirmed were they in this belief that each watched the other and had friends to play de tectives for them. Mr. Sexton a week ago went to Cin cinnati to attend a meeting of the Na tional baseball comcrsion. it was his first opportunity since the swear-off pact that he had to get out of the zone that he knew was under the eye of his friend and his confederates. In the afternoon of the first day at Cincinnati Mr. Casteel received the following telegram: "Sexton has been a walking torch since he hit town. Up to 1 this after noon he has smoked 16."" When Mr. Sexton returned home he was shown the telegram. It was sent by an acquaintance that Mr. Casteel had written in advance to watch his merchant friend. Mr. Sexton 'fessed up, and agreed to pay for the dinner. In the meantime the smoke lid has been declared off. HOr;H OX AVET GOODS. The traveling salesman for a Rock Island wholesale liquor house was jn a small Illinois town trying to drum up business. ' He dropped in on the proprietor of a place catering mostly to miners. The salesman showed his samples and invited the saloonkeeper to join him in a drink of his goods. "How do you like it?" inquired the salesman. "Not had, neighbor." the saloonkeep er replied, "You cant get it too rough for me." HOW TRUE, BROTHER. (From Hillsdale Post.) How does the village editor manage j iu 11 i a fr iiitr ncr. DjjaiTi lie ii--tro, 13 o question which has often been asked and never answered in but one way. By work. He is his own editor, re porter, business manager, foreman. j mailing clerk, and frequently compos itor. Alone, or with an assistant or two. he turns out every week a paper which, while perhaps not brilliant, still contains subsantially all the general news of the day, and all the news of the locality. The paper has an influ ence far greater in proportion to its circulation than any of the great met ropolitan dailies, and it has done more to educate and reform the people than the churches and the public schools. The overworked country editor is not properly appreciated, for he does more for the community in which he lives than any other individual. He must have a firm belief in a reward here after or his nerve would desert him early in his career. TOO MICH-A BIG-EYE CHICK. (From Galena Journal.) A physician was called to an Italian A Proven Health Plan BEGIN YOUR MEALS WITH A DOSE OF Hostetters Stomach Bitters GOOD HEALTH Is the outcome of keeping the stomach strong the diges tion perfect the liver and kidneys active the bowels free from constipation, and to bring about this condition you need the friendly aid of Hostetter's Stomach Bitters. This absolutely pure medicine will restore the appetite, tone and invigorate the entire system and make you feel a great deal better. Try it today and see for yourself. It is for such ills as INDIGESTION, CONSTIPATION, BILIOUSNESS, FLATULENCY. DYSPEPSIA, HEARTBURN, MALARIA, FEVER AND AGUE. BE SURE TO TRY A BOTTLE TODAY. ALL DRUGGISTS home in East Freeport last week, where two men were ill- Tne Physi cian found that they had killed and eaten a hoot owl. Toomucna da big eyed chick causada pain in a da belL Things haven't been as smooth as they might have been here in school matters, but the patrons of the school reminded the board . that those who have children to go, should have some thing to say just on the side, regard less of politics, religion or nationality, as one interested. We are frank in savine that we'hae had an exception. ! ally fine teacher at a very low salary for several years in the person of Mrs. Kaunnerer. Let us employ her as long as she'll serve, and increase her salary to show her we really appreciate her good work, and lastly but not 'least ly," let's be "boosters" instead of "but- ; ters." John Bird and family spent Sunday in the country, and had the pleasure of riding home in the rain, which fell in early evening. But John says "rain don't hurt the Birds." We're glad of it for what would we do without the birds. COPPER IS JOHX'S PIE. (From Albany Review.) Chicago, Aug. 28. Dear Sirs: John has been very sick from eating apple pie which contained copper poisoning. The doctor said today that he was out of danger and could soon go back to work. I will send you a copy of the statement from the city labratory, as I took the piece to the city hall to be analyzed. The pie contained 42S mili. grams of metalic copper soluble salts and copper were In the pie substance. The doctor said there was enough In the pie that was not eaten to kill 10 men. How it happened that there was a piece left we put sugar on the pie as it tasted sour; John could not eat all of his piece and left it on a saucer. The next morning - after he went to work I took a bite of it and it tasted i bad. I spit it out and saw that it was green. I then got the rest of the pie and discovered the copper under the crust. I took the pie over to one of my neighbors and told her I was go ing to take it to the police station, which I did, and the lieutenant and sergeant directed me what tod. John is special night watchman for a man ufacturing oil company, salary $15.75 I per week. Members of the pie com pany have been coming to see John once or twice a week and have been very much alarmed. They have offer ed to settle at a fair price, but I was going to wait and see if John got well first. I-'got the best doctor that could be had and he has been down to be examined by a specialist. Please pub lish this letter as I noticed in the Re view that John had sued the pie com pany for 520,000. Very Respectfully, MRS. JOHN VAN NEST. BEANS IS BEANS. (From Galena Journal.) Glen Parker, living one mile east of Stockton, was the victim of a queer accident a week ago Sunday, when a can of baked beans exploded, and the top of the can struck him in the right ear, cutting a'dec'p gash. Glen was in the act of opening a can of baked beans, which had been slightly warm ed upon the stove. The instant that Glen made an opening in the top of the can with a knife, the contents, which proved to be spoiled, exploded, throwing the beans into his face. Hi had turned his head to address one of his sisters, otherwise he would have received the sharp top of the can di rectly in his face. . The piece of tin cut a gash about two and one-half inches across his ear, and the wound bled profusely. Dr. Smith was called and took several stitches to close the wound. At one place the tin pene trated the flesh. Glen said that when he was sick a few months ago he carv ed baked beans, but that now he did I not care so much for them. SLUMBER REACHES GESESEO. (From Geneseo News. Miss Susie Hosford entertained a company of young" folks at her beautl ful home on West Pearl street last Wednesday evening in honor of her guest. Miss Eunice Clark, of Prince ton. The evening was most pleasant ly spent by the young people and the young ladies of the party spent the night at the Hosford home, the event taking the form of a "slumber party," something new here. For goodness sake, let's give the picnic grounds at the pumping station a name that will be significant of the beautiful resort it really is. To us it sounds like the dickens to say that "the Presbyterians held their annual picnic at the pumping station last wek," or "a company of young lad ies were entertained at the pump house last Thursday," when in reality It is one of the prettiest little picnic resorts for miles around and should have a name in keeping with its beau ty and attractiveness. Will those in terested please suggest some names they think would be appropriate? SAWS SEW GIRL. (From Stark County New3.) Samuel Streitmatter has a new girl at his house. Henry Mahle assisted Bert Leigh with his hay last week. Mrs. Robert Orr kept house for W. B. Finley's during their absence. HOW ABOUT SVAKE BITES f (From Port Byron Globe.) The W. C. T. U. will have their rest room at the fair grounds at the same places next door to the secretary's of fice. They will have a check rooml Yon will also be welcome to come in, and rest; mothers to rock your babies, and if you are sick in anyway, come to the rest room and see what we have that may help you. THE BANNER OFFERS $2GS AT 3 Sock Island Riverside Stoves and Ranges that means much to the stove and range buying public of the tri-cities and vi 'Cinity. In connection with the Rock Island Riverside line we carry the largest and most complete stock of stoves and ranges in the tri-cities Baseburners, Hot Blast Heaters, Ranges and Cook Stoves of every description and yOu don't have to pay long installment or war prices at the big store. No matter what you need in the stove line we can suit you, at prices that cannot be duplicated elsewhere. Note the values quoted. 98c BUYS THIS Air Tight Wood Heater A LITTLE HOT TAMALA Jnst like cut. These heat ers are certainly conven ient for those chilly days when one does not wish to heat up the whole honse; bring quick results with little fuel. Goes for FAMOUS SUNRISE ROUND OAK HEATERS The most pronounced suc cess In modern stoTe con struction. Consumes 40 per cent less fuel than others. It is air tight, outlusts any heater on the market. Cheapest because best. Triced as low as Vi 2 WTJtl 1 98c j $4.39 500 High Grate Stoves, Ranges and Base Burners to Select From Now for a stove sensation that will stir the tri-city stove buyers as they were never stirred before. Note the values quoted. The New Prize Riverside Range AS ALL CAST RASOK FOK COAL OR WOOD. QUALITY HL'T LOW IS TRICE 111 till IS i?llli Note Construction The body is made from hi-rh grade gray ircu ith p?ri"ect and smooth casting throughout; is built square on a leg base, extra large lines and will burn any kind of fuel; tlx linings are extra heavy, ventilated and dur able, lire buck liiiii'irs in three sections, lilted with Boss cot ers, guaranteed not to tire crack. Ventilated construction makes them almost indi-structlble; ex tru large l.re box. Greatest Improvement ever placed on a stov Our pel. Mi- cut riiputod oven bottom. Will not warp or crack, rad iates more beat than any other. The force behind (rood baking is the oven. Our pebble corrugat ed oven bottom prevents burn. InjT In 1. 1 utr. This Iu connec tfou with lilirh grade construe tion makes the prize Riverside range high in quality, but low in price; one thnt 'Cannot he equaled for service and ccono. my, ut S27.50 ii mmm FYTOA CPFflAI Tlie N- 65 Riverside LAliUi Ol LlmL-Base Burner b the Best The most iwvvrrfnl two-flue hard coal heater made, because ft hiis more direct and Indirect rali;;tJiig surfae than ai;y otl.fr. Tr.e body Is not contract ed above the tire pot a;id nil exposed surfaces urc hot. Oh u great many li. H. outside surfaces are not In direct contact with the tire and therefore they do not radiate heat. This B. B. clrcnlateH heated air like a furnace and therefore Is a great aid to ventilation and sanitation of the home. The air is constantly being pumped through the horse shoe cir uliitliitr flues, irhlnir you un even ' heat throughout the honse. We price this So. C5 for ten days only, a Hi value for 7 only OO.I J The best oil heuter lu.ule. Hundreds mnv iu use in this city. This oil heater is edorless, perfectly safe, as you can turn the wick only so high. Is so simple u child can operate it. Just what you want for mov ing around the house these chilly mornings, and evenings. Are nicely nic kel plated und un rj iC ornament to any room 40LO PERFECTION OIL HEATERS 0 H PANAMA MINISTER MARRIED BY PROXY mi i ALLEGED KIDNAPER HELD Man VIw Tried to Steal Marino Hoy Ident itiel by I'adier. Chicago, Sept. 9 Dominick Manj;i anale, 32 years old, owner of a bakery at 1850 Grand avenue, for whom the police had been searching for weeks, was arrested by detectives of the Chi cago avenue station yesterday and identified try Antonio .Marino, s.'.l' Gatilt court, as the man who exacted $50 from Marino two yeara ago unde threats that his son, AiiKdo, 5 yearJ old, would he kidnaped unless the sum was paid. Marino's son was kidnaped Aug. 4 last and held captive until I an sa m of $5K) was paid. Four person were arrested for the kidnaping and are to be plven a bearing Sept. 15. Al though the thst attempt to kidnap thv Mariiio child l:i alleged to have been' j made two year iio. Marino did not j toll tlm police until recently. torrc3 Your complexion as well as your temper is rendered miserable by - a disordered liver. By taking Cham berlain's stomach and liver tablets yon can improve both. Sold by all druggist. Dr. Belsario Perras. minister to the United States from Panama, has been married by proxy to a Costa Rica aenorita. His govern ment hurried him back to Washing ton before the date tet for the wed ding. - One of his friends led fcer to the altar and read responses eo the ceremony would not have to be postponed. Special Reduced Fares To Pacific Coast on sale daily SEPTEMBER 15th TO OCTOBER 15th One Wy Colonist Tickets 530.25 to Portland, Tacoraa. Seattle, Bellingharir, Vancouver, Victoria $30.25-to- Spokane, Walla Walla and Wenatchee. $30.15 to San Francisco, Los Angeles, Ha Diego and many Intermediate points. Through tourist sleeping cars daily from Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City and Omaha. The Burlington offers better service to the Pacific coast over a greater variety of rpuies than any other line. F. A. lUDDKLL. Agent, C. B. & Q. It. II Phone Old Wef.t 6 SO, New 7160. rwmA Ef!S21 Thr Electric-lighted "On Time" Iload i