Newspaper Page Text
Published Daily and Weekly at 14 8emd Av-
J. W. Potter.
All KnmmfinliHniia it .
, : v.v,JO crmcai or annimenta-
trir,ll!?arn1MCd '!; PobHcatioa No .uch art '
v n f-uwu uver acunoai signatures
1, fckTu nnCe 8lic,td from ewry township
M0XD4T, FtBRUART 16 1891.
Indication's point strongly to the be-
usr tut the wish of the 30.000 miprity
of the people of Illinois will be gratified
this week in the election of Gen. John
M. Palmer to the United States senate.
Messrs. C. U. Deere and Morris Rosen
neld were at Springfield last week. This
accounts for the "split" in the republican
rank?, but it is somewhat surprising that
in the i idiscriminate yotiog neither of
these wheel horses were remembered.
Indianapolis Sentinel: "There is one
great satisfaction ia living next door to
Illinois at the present time. When you
read the daily reports of the legisltture of
that state you realize that (he democratic
members of its legislature are ail demo
-ram ies, aca wneiDtr taey win or
lose the senatori il fight they will continue
to be demrcra's. and the principle for
which they are battling will go a long way
towards making Illin is a democratic
state in 1892.
Mr Cleveland's ltf er to the New
York Rjform club seem? to have at
tracted the same profound attention which
all his public epistles have evoked.
Whether oral or written Mr. Cleveland
possesses the facutly of making his ex-pres-iom
wcr.by the serious consideration
of ail thinking men. Right or wrong on
the silver question, he has succeeded ad
mirably in arousing public interest on a
subject fraught with great importance to
the American people.
Should a free silver bill p33 the next
democratic congress and an endorsement
follow in the next national convention, it
is hardly probable that Mr. CleveUnd
would be given the nomination, and It is
also unlikely that he would accept it
should it be proffered. But the demo
cratic party will not be restricted in its
choice to one or a few men, and it is a
little early to attempt to prefict who will
lead it to victory next year. The honor
may fall to Mr. Cleveland, Senator Hill.
Senator Gorman or Gen. John M. Palmer.
This question will be settlel ia its own
good time, as will also the silver im
broglio. That ex-President Cleveland views
with alarm the bill for the unlimited
coinage of silver now pending in con
gress 9 expressed in his letter to the anti
f liver meetiog in New York the othrr
night, fails to justify the assertion that
has obtained in many quarters that he
can no longer act ia concert with the
democratic Darty or to be looked up tons
one of its greatest leaders. When elected
to the presidency in 1834 he was known
to be antagonistic to free coinage and in
bis messages to congress the same
views were expressed. Why, then
should he hold a different opin
ion nowT Because there is a more
general shifting towards bimetallism and
that free silver is a popular idol among
democratic senators and congressmen?
To assign this as a reason would be to
stamp Mr. Clevuluud as a trimmer, a dem
agogue and political weather-cock, a
charge which his public actions have al
To the republican party Mr. Cleve
land's sentiments on the money question
appear to have afforded considerable
pleasure. For the nonce it forgets that
he is the special champion of tariff re
form, and is responsible probably more
than any other democrat for the igno
minious position the republican party has
been forced to occupy on that question.
Suffering dtfeat himself to proclaim to
the world the delusive, iniquitious and
trust breeding system fathered by the
republican party, the forcefulneBS of his
statement gradually dawned upon tie
American people; and one of the greatest
political revolutions of the times was the
result. May not, therefore, these repub
lican rejoicer? be a little fast in their ex
altations? Instead of dividing the dem
ocratic party as these protective tariff
josses imagine, may not Grover Cleve
land be spreading light in benighted
The silver question, however, should,
and undoubtedly will be, a question f
secondary importance in the next presi
dential campaign. The paramont issue
will be the tariff monstrosity inflicted up
on an already overburdened people by
the McKinleyites of the republican party.
It is the direct source of almost all the
evils that the people of this country a e
complaining of. It is reducing the mods
erately well-to do to poverty and the
poor to desperation. The welfare of the
nation demands that the democratic par
ty should never change its front or lower
its hand until this battle has been fought
through and won. It would be practical
treason to sound the recall until the enes
mies of the peace and prosperity of the
land are vanquished and put to flight.
BILL NYE ST fiS RE A T)Y
DlUL, li lj Ol Ltt ItEiAU 1
HE IS WILLING
TO AGITATE HIS
UPON THE ICE.
HU Heart Is Touched by the Pathetic
Letter of a Man Oat of a Job The
Price of Aristocratic Egg Commented
Copyright by Edgar W. Nye. i " maD 8 home lf -vou Set lost- cannot
The joyous season for skating is now ln 6tarch of m-v beantifnl
drawing to its close, and with it ceases f? among the bro?ls and such
the best record for many rears in these . f whl " tbe of our Sw
parts. My attention has been called by tewn. ou must be home nights,
friends to the following challenge, whkh trn't- n waih off the cow and put
. print herewith and reply to later on: i neatf'0t on your boota against the
The undersigned, being 70 years of ape, here- j COu f of the morrow,
y challenges any person of the same are, or ' Ami you cannot Sit in the box with
apward, to compete with him in skating from us at the opera unless vou have an extra
SJZSIS I' of boot, aside from those you do
any person in the woYld. iirespeUve otsZ -VOUr l'hea m- Earnest.
compete with him in deline&ti ncr An iA
skating the capital letters of the alphabet, in
forming the name of any person, place or
thing, or any sentence in the English language,
W. J. Weeks, Lpn- Island.
I allow no man to defy me in this
way, even if he be 70 or 170 years old.
Xo Long Islander shall come out and
6hake his bony finger at a Staten Islaud-
er with impunity as regards skating. 1 and Russell Sage. We don't work all
do not know what a handicap is, neither j day har 1, and then sock our whole salarv
ao l care. Mr. Weeks can wear 6nch'inha,vm.-m,i i i v. A
i f t81?8' 1D' lUt WheU U
comes to skating l take up the gauntlet
Staten Island, the hotbed of ;
athletic sports, where firemen are not
allowed sufficient beer money to make
anorainary nre &n? object at all.
I Will accept the challenge to a limited
eiieni oniy. l am gettms alone in vears
myself, but still read fine print, though
pretemng editorials and lisrlav ads
I am an American by birth, and remem
ber very well the fight letween Heenan
and Sayers; also Lydia E. Pinkham was
kissed by her as a child. I can saw a
cord of wood in a given time, and look
forward to a pleasing immortality be-
yond the grave,
uci;uj oicc iusnaieiiu jir. w eeKS
w uira iu au easterly ai-
rection, from any point he may select on
I -nviM y-.. - T - 1 ,1 : t
knuckles to a finish. I also challenge
him or any other skater from 70 years of
age upward to skate backward up the
ram water pipe of the Chicago Audi
.. vuluu,u .t. uui- j
lm for gate money and the cham-!
ship of the world. I will also agree
to challenge Mr. Weeks or any other
gentleman of his age to compete with
me in delineating on the ice four pages
cf Sanscrit which I will select.
I also challenge the world to compete
with me in skating on the ice an orna
mental poem from Browning, which I
shall select: also decorating margins of
same with fancy scroll work, turtledoves
engaged in trysting at springtide; also '
eagle with Graeco-Roman beak and j
Snencenan nrftrpis in tail fontli-c
i will also agree to skate on more parts
of myself at one and the same time than
any other man between the ages of 7a
and 75 3'ears respectively.
I will challenge any man of twice my
own weight and age to skate the score of
the oiera of II Trovatore backward, to- 1
gether with scroll work and ornamental
swan at top, wearing doughnut wings
and beautiful full arm movement panta
lettes. For purse of $o,000 and funeral ex
penses I will agree to skate across Lake
Victoria Nyanza as soon as the ice shall
be suitable for that purpose. I also will
accept a handicap of twenty rods for
each mile, or anything else that is not
The following bona fide letter, with
the name slightly suppressed, is giver.
merely to show that good help can al
ways le had in America if one goes at it
in the risht wav. The riirht name is not
Earnest Pernambuco, but I do not wish I
to use the real name, fearing that some '
- t , . . i
oue eise may Been to uecoy my new
coachman from me before I can get him
JENUARY 16. 91
Norway Herkimer CONYmr Bill Nye see
la your leter in the new york weekly world
and thinkin that you mite wish to employ a
hand to do some of your arcnts I thaUt 1 wood
aply before enyone elce had taken the job I
wish to know if you wished to imploy a man
that is 03 years old and an olde crippel but can
walk with oat a cane Beindisttbt'ld inonearme
can drive a jentel horse if desired to but dont
know eny thing about the city of new york
tho I have been thar for a few days I did not
get eny aqnanted with the 8 treats or numbers
of lots but think I cood drive if the lady new
whare she wood like to go I wish to have good
bord and good logins this means a good bed to
rest on after a days work don arents or driven
to you think I can get a place to drive for a
lady or do arents some say that I am good
lookin bnt I dont wish to say eny thing on this
subject pleas if thar a chance in form me yours
with respects Earnest Perwambitco.
P O I should want $40 dolars a month Beside
bord and login and washin yours truly E. P.
cxkuse ail bad spelin or riten
In me fancy I can see meself trying to
get from the Cortlandt street ferry to
Forty-second street station on three
wheels to catch a train, with Earnest on
the box and a tamarack pole under the
axletree of the off corner of our coach,
while I hold in my lap the dished and
disheveled nice red wheel which now
looks like a countryman's character after
one session in the New York legislature.
Oh yes, Earnest, we can show you the
THE ARGUS; MONDAY, FEBRUARY JO,
fcQt we show you how to
up Btraight .jong West street or Pol-
i ton street or lower Broad war and look
like an ice cream Joseph while the rum
nnsp1 lrivr nf i l.tl
i greet, hides and pelts peels the nice paint
f off your carriage and curses you in low
discord cut tones. You could also run
up "arents" for us, but you must get
yourself out of the Foundlins asylum.
and the dead letter ofSce, and the Old
xuu bluui nave as gooa uoara as l uo.
tarnest, except that I generally get the
whack at the porterhouse steak,
becau I am not real well and I have
to be careful of myself. As for "logins,"
you vill sleep in the most desirable
: rooms over the harness room, and the
smell of new mown hay, and the drow
, sy coo of the Shanghai, and the Plym
. onth Ptock, and the Polled Angus, and
. the Mambrino King will lull you to
sleep i:i your little bed, Earnest. " Com
as soon as you can.
! Tody I received a nice typewritten
letter from the well known poultry
j works it Newton. Sussex county, N. J.
j I need not give the name, but the letter
: asks: ' May I send yon a sample box of
j three, s-ix, nine or twelve dozen new
j laid table eggs? I have 4,000 laying
; hens, nany of them game. The eggs
I are shipped the next day after they are
laid, llespectfullv, J 1 "
On the lower left hand margin of the
letter is the list of ladies in New York
who u these eggs exclusively. The
list reals likethat of the patronesses of
the Chirity balls. It is a very swell
array of pomp, wealth and good victuals.
People are there named who think no
more of paying seventy-five cents a doz
en for the eggs of a blooded hen than I
do of using white sugar in my coffee
everv d iv of mv life.
rt th., - . . ,
nisht: d0 we Russ? Antl w not bur
ecres at 1 a dozen, inst so jls tn pat. t)i a
same breed of ecSs that Col. Elliott
Va,..i .v r.,. o v- . -. i
rather a little, plain. American citizen.
eatinc fie honest handiwork nf a Virr.i.l
ti,1 .irr .vrari, tin., i..
legitimate masterpiece of a camevheL
just neciuse tnase pamey eggs are use-'
habitually by the tallyho" sons-in-law of
the Nauvoo Rich!
That's roe and that's Rnss Sage!
This is not all. This pesky egg sharp
with gooOs from his fowl work's, but
aivernss to supply only the bong tong
does he? Does he confine himself to the
tables of the wealthy? Am I assured
that those ezzs will not be also sold to
coarse a:id vulear neor.le who nnrs thir
- " '
own chil dren? Pa h !
The thought of it
would d rive me wild.
No, the egg worts at Xewton cannot
sell me any eggs, I am afraid that the
proprietor might forget himself some
propriety r might forget him'
time and st-11 to the tradestoi,:
If thought I had secured '
j mift ragut i naa secured an eggist
I whom I could trust, and in fancied se
, enrity I bought and ate the eggs of his
( haughty hens, many of whom are game,
I and paid a big price for them, knowing
that there had been no scandal connected
: with then for many generations back,
and then I should find that I had been
j duped, aad that it was not true, or that
there wa a strain of Plymouth Rock or
a double yolker mesalliance which h:il
been bus aid up bv the press, or that the
a 1 . " i , . . .
j ucmer, iu wnom i naa trust ea as
, thoroughly exclusive, had leen prosti
, tuting his business and Lis fair name by
selling the same eggs to the vulgar herd.
the low, coarse ieople who are riot
I "wealthy enough to run an account and
, then get c ut of paying it, the canaille, the
sans culottes and sans finger bowls, who
laugh when they feel like it. and wwp
when they are sad, and who otherwise
demean taemselves, I would almost pive
up the fight and ask some kind friend to
take me c ut behind the barn and knock
me in the head.
Again, how am I to know that the
ecrgs are Iain yes. lain on the day lie
fore? Is each hen to be provided with a
TOE XEW r-ETVXB-
rubber dating stamp, and between her
glad cackles of welcome to the newly
discovered egg will she stamp the date,
hour and iJl, in purple ink? Or must we
trust to the honor of one who courts the
patronage of people who can be worked
by the simplest tyro in crookedness?
Vanity is the open avenue to the
purses of reople who are otherwise lucid
at times. Make them believe that your
rates are it little high in order to keep
away the people who get right down
and sweat (instead of perspiring in a
genteel w;iy) and you get a great many
of them. They are most all susceptible
if you go a t it right. '
The emi :h who shod my justly cele
brated hoi-se Two Strike last summer
charged n a dollar extra, "because it
was a gint email's job, your honor, and
the same kind of work and price that I
do for the git try that liee on your ter
race, ueggin your honor s pardon.
A frieud of mine was charged 5 a visit
oy a physician who naa generally a
charge xf $2 per visit, as my friend knew.
My neighbor kicked, and spoke quite
firmly and hotly to the doctor, refusing
to pay the bill. "Why," said the physi
cian, "I certainly never had any com
plaint before, and I always charge (3 a
visit on your terrace.
bo you see that on a certain street.
with a house that has brown stone trim
mings, you must expect to pay little
more for your exclusiveness, and also
buy your eggs of a man whose hens eat
blue points and olives and have never
scratched for a living.
Will some kind reader put me onto a
good butcher whom I can rely upon, and
who will furnish me with an aristocratic
liver fresh from the interior of some
well known animal whose death cast a
gloom over the entire community? Some
butcher who gets his tnpe from the
American Uerd book and his sausage
wrappers and fillers from the Guelphs or
the Napoleons? As it is now I am eating
the unknown hams and ill begotten side
pork of a man who does not know that
there ever was such a swollen, un-American,
unmasculine, falsetto voiced and
unroached ass from away up the brook
as Ward McAllister.
lie was reading a newspaper in a
Michigan avenue car. After awhile he
folded it up and said to the man on his
"Do you think the principles of gravi
tation will ever be overcome ao as t.i
able any sort of a machine to fly?"
rso, 6ir: was the brusque answer.
"But why not?"
"No need of it."
"Do you understand the laws of grav
ity?" "I do, sir. Plainest thin In th
world, sir. All a street car nuisance
has to do is to co out on the nlatform
and step out into space. Gravity will
land him on the earth. Trv it- &ir
The inouirinjman looked at him
sorrow expressed on every line of his
iace, ana then turned awav and a
seat at the other end of the car. De
troit Free Press.
They Got the Job.
"Lady, could yo' gib me an mv pard
a job shovelin off yo' sidewalk?" "
"Yes; but where are your shovels?"
"Shovels? Whad's de mattah wif
The Lazieht Man on Ilrrord.
Even the preachers are n t averse to a
joke that lies in the line of the profes
sional funny man. One of them told the
following in an east side church lately
when he was invited to sin-ak: A trav
eler discovered a man lying on the
ground one warm day within a foot or
two of the shade of a tree. "Why don't
you lie in the shade?" he inquired. "I
did," replied the man, "but it has moved
away from me and I can't afford to fol
low it." "Well, if you are not the best
specimen of a lazy man I have ever seen
yet! Make me another remark on a par
with that and Fll give you a quarter."
The man said, "Put the quarter into my
pocket." lie got it Buffalo Express.
Iut to the Test.
.Briggs Didn't I hear something alout
your going to get married a year or 60
Griggs Oh, yes! My fiancee and I
thought it would be a good thing to give
our love a final test, so she went abroad
for a j ear. She returned the other day.
Briggs And was her love as fresh as
Griggs He was fresh enough. She
married him in London. West Shore.
The Collared Girl Again.
She was so cestbntie nd culchud.
Just doted on Wagner aad Ulurk;
And claimed that perfection existed
In some foreign English bred duke.
She raved over Browning and Huxley,
And Tyndall and Darwin and Talne;
And talked about Flora and Fauna,
And many things I cant explain.
Of Madame Blavataki. the occult,
Theosophy, art, xai then she
Spoke of the Cur.etuo Sibyl
And Venus do-de-AIed-i-che.
She spoke of the why an the wherefore.
But longed for the whither and whence;
And she said yclept, rip, ran and .yonder
Were used in alliterative sense.
Well, I like a fool tax dumfounded.
And waniere4 what she didn't know.
Twax ten whoa J Vade her good evening.
For I tSiought tt i.BcuM& to go.
I passed by her Jumse yenterday evening.
I don't kjow, m it snems to mo
She was cha4njr avfond ta toe kitchen.
And getting ruady tor u-a.
I beard her sweet voire calling. "Mother."
It was then UuU I felt quite abashed.
For she yelled, "How shall I fix the later
Fried, lionized, baked, biled er maahedr
a a. jm i. w "J i . i -m
Great Clearing Sale
February 2d to
SPRING- STOC EC.
WilleleontaUrge :iit of Ptd I c. m trd rr or U at u rl. altoa crtiM,, .., .4 .
Cbtiri will be aoli cheap. ' J 'it
tSjTDo not miss Ibis oprortnnity.
No. 103, 105 and 107 East Second St.,
H. SIEMON & SON,
loves and Tinware,
IFTTIMIIFS, 2SJA.XXjS, &C.
Baxter Banner Cooking and Heating Stores and the Geoeaeo Cooking St im.
Tin, Copper and Sheet Iron Work.
IMS SECOND AVE., ROCK ISLAND, ILL
J. B. ZIMMER,
THE WELL KNOWN
. Star Block, Opposite Harper House.
Li purctatcil far tbe
Spring and Summer of 1891,
A Urg, rand fleer itock thin er.r. Thow jroad arrive in a few dy. Wait and tb.:
Calf Goodyear Welt Shoes?
The bct Mcl's dc he In the city tot the trice.
Serand and Harrison Su.
ST. JAMES HOTEL,
Corner Twenty-third street and Focrth avenne. .... EOCS ISLVNP. ILU
J. T. RYAN, Proprietor.
This house ha. ju.t been ratted throoffbont and 1. now la A No 1 co.a.tB. Il U . CrcU-
i m Per day boa and a dctirable family hotel. nmumruM.
Steam Cracker Bakery,
Ajk tout Grocer for them.
"apecialtie ; The Christy "0TBTIR"
Contractors and Builders,
ALL KINDS OF OARPKftTXR WORK DONE.
lyOeneral Jobbing done on abort nolle, and iatbjfacUon gvarantood.
Office and Shop 1412 Fourth Avenue. R0CK ISLAND ILL
Manufactory of all kladJ of
Gents' Fine Shoe peclalty. Repairing dont neatly and prompt .
A share of yoar patronaga respectfully solicited.
1818 Second Avenue. Rok Wand. 1 1
CONTRACTOR AND BUILDER,
Shop corner Twenty-aecond tract aod rimb arena. BetiUnc WJ
XTl prepared to auk eUmaf aad d? all kind of CarpeoUr wJrk. Olv a la a trial.
Davenport, Ia. !
STABY, BERGER & SNELL,
CKACKZKS AHD BISCXTITI.
Tbej axe bcit
and the ChrUty "WifZt"
ROCK ISLAND. ILL.