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THJE ABGU& MONDAY. JUKE 15. 1891.
Published Daily ted Weekly at 1624 Second Av
enue. Rock Inland, 111.
J. w. Potter, -
Tirhs Daily. 60c per month; Weekly, (3.00
All communication! of a critical or arsmmenta-
tlre character, political or reliariou. man nave
real name attached for publication. No soch arti-
ticles will be printed over fictitiom sienaturee
Anonymous commanieation not noticed.
Correspondence solicited from every township
la Rock Island county.
Monday, Jckk 15, 1S91.
Ten thocsaxd poor children ia New
York are to be given a strawberry short
cake festival by the New York World. So
shines a good deed in a naughty world.
The German people are getting nun
cry as a result of a McKinley tariff on
bread. And their young Hohenzollern.
or, if you likz, hightaxer, of a war lord
is likely to learn that the divine right he
insists on is not likely to stay on empty
Cincinnati Enquirer: If the democrats
of Pennsylvania behave themselves they
can count that state in the democratic
column for the next 10 years. The Dela
maters, Quay, Bardsley, Wanam&ker,
Marsh, Dunn, Lacey and a half dozen
exploded banks are too much for even
protection to protect.
Ex Headsman Clarkson must bare
gone abroad for political news of the Un
ited States. He writes from Paris to say
the "country is evenly balanced between
the political parties just now." Indeed!
When was the balance readjusted? In
last year's congressional elections the
democratic majority over the republicans
was 800,376 and oyer all 268.550. The
republican party was in a minority
by 1,332.202 votes. If this bean even
balance, what would Mr. Clarkson call
a good working majority?
El Paso county, Texas, is larger than
either of the states of Connecticut, Dela
ware, Massachusetts, New Hampshire,
Rhode Island, or Vermont. Unita connty,
in Wyoming, is more than one-half as
large again as 1 Paso county, Texas .
Yavapai county, in Arizona, is still larger
than either of the other two mentioned
above. It covers an area larger than the
states of West Virginia and Connecticut
combined . Three counties in Montana
Custer, Choteau and Dawson are larger
than the entire states of Illinois, Massa
chusetts, New Hampshire and Connecti
To all outward appearance, says the
Salt Lake News, Europe is just now more
reposeful than at any time in its history
for a hundred years at least. This, in
view of the fact that diplomats, states
men and close observers generally have
sot only conceded but claimed for a dozen
years or more that the great powers were
on the very verge of a vast and destruc
tive conflict; if they were right as to the
war feeling prevalent and only wrong as
to the imminence of a struggle, we ma v
properly regard the presently placid con
dition of thingB political abroad as the
awful hush that precedes a mighty
storm. This is borne out by the facts
that not one of the nations presumably
harboring the war spirit Germany Rus
sia, France. Austria and Italy have cur
tailed their standing armies by so much
as one soldier, or have ordered the dis
placement of one sailor or one gun
from their battle ships; furthermore,
their armaments are subjects of daily,
almost incessant, inspection and repairs
and improvements are put in wherever
suggested. Frontier fortificatioos are
jealously overlooked and the slightest
moyement out of the common by either
officials or people in any one of those
nations is at once a subject , of the most
Drofound distrust, a source of the most
painful unrest. These panicky condi
tions, as the Peoria Journal also com
ments, can be but the outward manifesta
tions of that deep and intense feeling of
hostility and enmity which preyall in of
ficial circles at least in the quarters
named, and but serve to still further
illustrate that the apparent peace and
good will are simply the inaction of a
sleeping tiger that Europe is in pood
truth resting upon a volcano. With
Mollke in the grave and Bismarck- hope
lessly estranged from the emperor,
Germany is in no such position for
war now as it was a few years ago.
We doubt if there is a leader in
the entire nation who could
arouse even a part of it to such a pitch of
enthusiasm as was created among the
masses when the late Emporer William
threw the responsibility of the Franco
German war upon the former power and
in person took the field to fight for father
land. The people are loyal to. their gov
ernment and their sovereign, but a call to
arms and an order to the field now would
be obeyed simply as a matter of duty and
of discipline; there would be no such a
rush to the front with a great shout as
would practically close places of business
and altogether close universities and
schools. Perhaps the people of the other
powers are in possession of a similar feel
ing, but not, we take it, to the same ex
tent as in Germany. However that may
be, whenever war does break out,
there will be found enough men and mu
nitions to make it a long and bloody one.
SHAKESPEARE NOT IN IT.
BILL NYE GIVES A HITHERTC UNPUB
LISHED CRITICISM OF "HAMLET."
The Great Trouble with "natnlet" I an
Absence of Loral Gag, and Ttien There
Is Too Mnch Assassination Anyway.
Come Off, Shakespeare.
Copyright, 1S91, by Edear V. Nye.
The following so far as I krow un
published criticism of the actin r of Mr.
William Shakespeare in one of his own
plays, is pven herewith, those p: jts only
having been supplied where the writing
has become so exceedingly dim that it
cannot be longer deciphered:
Last evening Mr. William Shakespeare
appeared at this place in a piece which
he has written himself, and called
"Hamlet," a play with which he has
A VAIN QUEST.
been aforetime doing the one night
towns. His troupe came in front the
west on a load of hay at about 11 oJock,
and played before the mayor at 2 o" clock
in order to get a license to play here
this week at the Globe, under the" man
agement of John Burba ge.
We would naturally think that John
urbage would have enough "ss vey"
about him, even if this young scene eater
of his did not, to see that the press might
be decently treated and suitable seats
provided for its representatives, btt, as
nearly as we are able to make out. the
bright young poacher from Avon desired
to have an entirely unprejudiced opinion
regarding his debut, and if he will cast
his eye over these columns he will j rob
ably read in these lines a good imitation
of a man trying to write an unbiased
and entirely unpartisan opinion of a play
after paying for his tickets.
Dick Burbage. Larry Fletcher, Gus
Thillipps, Jack Heminge, Hank Contlell,
Billy Sly, Bob Araini and Dick Covley
supported Shakespeare fairly well, but
not so well as his wife used to do, if we
are not occupied in barking up the
"Hamlet" is not destined to reach a holi
day performance in the opinion of the
critic of this paper. If we had writ Jen
it we would give it a souvenir night,
and in answer to aloud and pressing
call on the part of the public we woild
substitute "Fanchon," with Magjie
Mitchell in the title role.
"Hamlet" is a sort of Scandinavian or
Danish play. Shakespeare takes the
title role, but he lacks a good deal of
taking the cake. Most of the andier.ee
were worried all the evening, and se v
eral even inquired of the star opetly
what was eating him.
Shakespeare said afterward that he
thought the play was too 6ubtle for oir
people. Also that he could have plajvd
better if he had had something to eit
during the day. Shakespeare is essea
tially a tank actor, and when he tries to
elevate the stage he should do it by me
chanical means. We could not hc'.p
feeling sorry for Dick Burbage, who
played Ophelia, last evening. His whi
ktrs cast a gloom over the character,
and when he stepped on his dress an 1
tore out all the gathers in the frott
breadths he would have been indeed
tough who could have sat there an 1
laughed and cracked hickory nuts, aj
some near us done last night.
The day may come when the stage will
be elevated, but if Bill Shakespeare is
going to do it he will have to get more of
a move on him than he had last night, ho
can safely bet his sweet life. As it is
now, an actor is regarded here as a son.
of leper in grease paint, and we look to
somebody with more intellectual par.
and high purposes than this canvas cov
ered Hamlet from the interior to jerk
the profession out of the sinkhole to
which it has sunk.
Shakespeare knows as well as anybody
this sad condition of things, for last
evening after the alleged play, and while
washing off his makeup at the horse
trough back of the Globe theater, he
was approached by a young schoolmis
tress from Whitechapel road, who had
a pluh allium, and afUr drying his
hands on her apron with profuse apolo
gies wrote as follows:
O for my sake do you with Fortune chide.
The guilty poddess of my barmruJ deed:.
That did not better for my life provide
Than public means, which public manners
Thence conies it that my name receives a
And almost thence my nature is subdued
To what it works in like the dyer's hand.
"Ton are welcome to the verse," he
laid, as he gave her back the album and
Etylographic pen, "but if there be yet
anything in your dinner pail, e'en though
it be but a despised Bacon rind. I would
take it most kindly, fair one, if I might
sock my snoot beneath the lid and find,
mayhap, besides, the pelt of a forgotten
prune." With that he did straightway
clean out the dinner bucket of the
wench, as he had fasted all the way
from Albuquerque, where he last played.
Hamlet, it would appear, is a prince
whose father dies in 6uch a manner as to
create talk, and a sort of Staten Island
inquest fails to throw any light on the
subject, though Hamlet has his sus
picions that his uncle and his mother
together have put up a job on the old
man. This works on Hamlet so much,
that some think he is a little warped '
mentally, and in order to do a little de-!
tectdve work he permits people to '
think so. j
His father finally returns in the form
of a ghost and describes the whole thing j
to Hamlet Last evening the Ghost was '
played by an unknown party who has
formerly played the Croak of a Concealed j
Frog in "Fanchon the Cricket." He has
also played the Croak in "Uncle Tom's '
Cabin." He claims also to have played '
Heil in the "Damnation of Faust." j
He is not a good actor, being alto-'
gether too restless for a ghost. In a !
ghost the chief charms are, if you please, !
cheerfulness and repose. Moreover, the
Ghost last evening was noticed by those
who had good seats in front of mem-
hers of the press to wet its finger and ;
pinch a flea that had concealed itself be- '.
neath the royal armor during the most '
tragic portion of the play.
And now, briefly, let jis speak of the
play. Passing over the fact that Shake- :
tpeare cannot act a little iit, and that
all his methods are pecijiay the prop
erty of a former dec.-ule, also that his
business is decade, let us treat of the
play with which this sometime poacher
and sometime playwright has come to
Xot only is "Hamlet" abnormally fatal,
being nothing but a funeral procession
and lunatic asylum on a high lonesome,
but it is a secret stab at religion. We
need not go far back in the career of this
rural playwright to discover the cause
of this attack upon all that is good.
Shakespeare, it seems, several years ago,
at Avon, owing to his somewhat tardy
nuptuals and "general shiftlessness, was
blackballed by the Young People's Soci
ety for Christian Endeavor, and ever
since that time he has sought in every
way to get even. He now goes out of his
way to say to the priest in the fifth act:
I tell thee, churlish priest,
A ministering angel shall my sister be
When thou best howling.
This shows the littleness of the Smart
Alick of Avon who has come to town
to elevato the metropolitan stage.
And now regarding the fatal nature of
"Hamlet." From the time the curtain
goes up on the first act until it de
scends on the last one there is noth
ing but death and lunacy. We came
home last night wondering why some
enterprising man did not go to Denmark
and open an asylum with an embalm
ing works connected with it. While
the rightful king is sleeping off the ef
fects of a dinner and reception given to
Major Pond and Henry M. Stanley on
the previous evening, his wife, who has
been looking over the royal bedstead
with a small can of corrosive sublimate,
suddenly decides to fill the old man's
ear with what she has left, and in less
than a week the throne has been pro
bated. And so it goes. Death reigns every
where after that. Each act closes with
enough carnage to tickle the palate of
Front de Beuf or to gorge the appetite
of Herod the Great. In fact Shake
speare may be termed the Jack the
Ripper of the English stage. Hamlet
sticks his sword into the currant bushes
and kills Polonius. Cordelia gets to
thinking too hard on The Higher Edu
cation and goes crazy, after which she
jumps off the dock. Finally the fifth,
or Philip Armour abattoir act, closes the
play with four dead people 911 the stage
and one hundred and fifty deadheads in
Shakespeare ought to dramatize the
deluge, or the plague, or Custer's last
charge, or Greenwood cemetery. "Ham
let" does not give him scope enough. An
old lady who sat in the stall forward of
our own last evening wondered why
Shakespeare did not marry Hamlet anil
Ophelia, and put them in charge of a
large and thrifty asylum, instead of kill
ing them off. We could not tell her.
No one could tell her.
"Hamlet." in short, is morbid and im
possible. Denmark was chosen as the
scene because no one knows anything of
Denmark, and an unprincipled drama
tist feels free to toy with the truth in his
treatment and his motif. We predict
that "Hamlet" will finish out the week
with a papered house and a biting frost.
The play will never again be heard of.
It i3 ephemeral, ribald, coarse, morbid,
sacrilegious, untruthful, devoid of local
gags, and does not in any way appeal to
the better element of this place.
If Hamlet could jump into the tank
and rescue Ophelia, and then sing a
popular song while she was putting on
some dry clothes, she getting back in
Highest of all ia Leavening Power.
if 1 ry
time to strike in with a clear contralto
and skirt dance, the play might go; but
instead of this Laertes insults the priest
at the grave of his own sister, Hamlet
picks on his mother through five acts
and then gives her a gourd full pf poi
Boined boneset, stabbing his stepfather
and cutting Laertes open from the an
terior convolution of the windriff south
west to the left lobe of the watch pocket,
thus allowing the cold night air to whis
tle through the drapery of his digestive
Briefly, let ns say to the provincial
press and managers that "Hamlet" will
not do. The writer has a much better
play in the bottom of his trunk, which is
only awaiting a fair hearing and suffi
cient capital to properly stago and pro
duce U, "Hamlet"' is better in dialogue
than ia plot; but it is rotten, to be pbun
and honest about it, and has no moral in
it at all. Who wants to take his family
to see a five act assassination? Who will
seek to improve the morals of his friends
by buying stalls for the purpose of seeing
seventeen different styles of stiffs?
We are glad to hear that the company
is embarrassed. If we were to act in
some of Mr. Shakespeare's plays without
cutting out some of the lines we would
be embarrassed also. His humor is
broad and coarse, his philosophy is sac
rilegious, his song and dance work ia be
neath contempt, and the general com
ment of the audience lat evening as it
came out was that of bitter disappoint
ment. On being asked by a reporter last
evening, "Where do you go to from
here?" Mr. Shakespeare profanely ra
plied. "None of your
business!"' which that he is
not even polite to taa JJrwnanifest an
interest in his busiofi t?j was equally
rude to a man who askeu him what his
receipts were, and also what the difficul
ty was between him and Bacon, and if
Bacon was drinking any now.
Should "Hamlet" fizzle out by Satur
day and go into the oblivion business,
as we predict that it will, the Glasgow
Gaiety company, whose costumes are
said to be out of sight, will fill out the
engagement at the Globe. Elsewhere
will be found a notice of their reception
at Archy, where they tested the capacity
of the house.
Elsewhere also we publish a piece
marked "Communicated," from the pen
of a prominent elocutionist, severely
criticising Shakespeare's gestures as
Hamlet. It is true that in all the five
acts of "Hamlet" Shakespeare hardly lifts
his hands higher than his head and does
not raise his voice above bis salary dur
ing the evening. His elocution is not
half so loud or resonant as that of Pro
fessor Brightwaters, of Stagg's Garden,
who teaches elocution and gives a most
wonderful rendering of "The Maniac,"
which never f:iils to bring down the
house or .frighten teams that may be
hitched to the fence outside.
His ad. will be seen in another col
umn, following the proceedings of the
board of supervisors.
In an interview with a reporter of this .
paper last evening, when asked about
his gestures, Shakespeare flippantly re
plied that his Hamlet gestures were at
tached at Jasper, and so last night he
had to use the gestures that belong to
U. S. Gov't Rrtxsrt, Aug. 17, 1889.
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