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THE ABGUa WEDNESDAT, NOVEMBER 11, 1891.
Gas Snt bberlv was nnitA info .
ing at a soiree given recently by a prom
inent New York- Iott Mn v .
, . uv ar
rived he immediately sought her pres
ence and said:
"I beg & thousand pardons for coming
"My de vt sir," replied the lady, "you
mu never come loo iate.
Gus thinks this is a hint to stay away
altogether. Texas Sittings.
A Head Line.
He Whenever I have a cold it is in
variably a cold in the head.
She Esactly. Colds always fly to the
weaicest pnrt or one s body, you know.
(Sudden collapse of the subject.) Judy.
xou si-e some strange sights on a
street car .sometimes," he remarked, clos
ing his paper.
"Great place to study human nature."
"1 cot niy knowledge of humanitv liv
studying types on the street cars."
"imi I hat so?
"Yes. I inst pick mv man rmt ami
study him; and I generally find that 1
am not n r on m the impression I form
"Nothing much in the paper this morn-
ins, Nd'.v take that man nvr thum in
the corner He's just as meek as Moses.
You can walk all over him and he won't
say a woru. Most likely he's henpecked.
Got all tht; spirit knocked c Wn nnt
him. Reminds one of a preacher, eh?"
--vvnirii' r yes! Oh, yes!"
'Til bt-t mv watch von can twist hi
around yo ir finger hello! He gets out
where I do."
The met k man walked slowlv fr thn
back platfirm. followed bv the'
of human nature. In his rush to get out
or tne car, this confidential philosopher,
who is determined von shall nnf. Tinil
your paper after he finishes his, trod on
tue toe or tne man whom he had been
studying. The man raised his shoulder
and threw the philosopher over to the
other side of the car, then turning to the
"It beats what a lot of !! !!! fools
one meets on a car. I'll be '!! if I
had anythin: to do wilh a car linn I'd
change matters or !!:: know the rea
son WD V.
And as the philosopher sneaked ont h
turned to me and said:
"We all make mistakes sometimes.
don't we?"' Philadelphia Press.
Bow to Remove Spots.
Gus Suobherly, whose income is not
quite as txtensive as that of Vander-
bilt's, got n large ink spot on his coat. He
asked a friend how the stain could be
"You can get a chemical preparation
for twenty-live cents. Just soak the
spot with it and it will come out."
"I guess I had better soak the whole
coat. I can get fonr dollars bv soakimr
the coat." Teias Sittings.
Mysteries of Navication.
Sweet Girl (in a rowboat) What is
this place in the back of the boat for?
Nice Young Man That is to put an
oar in when you want to scull the boat
Rowing re mires both oars, one on each
side; but iv scullffig one oar only is used.
That is placed at the back and worked
with one hand.
Sweet G rl (after meditation) I wish
you would try sculling awhile. Good
A Moving Tale.
I hope, iwpa," she said earnest! v.
"that you didn't hurt George's feelings
when you met him at the door last
night. He is very sensitive.'
"He seer ted so.
'Did he say anything?"
"No, my daughter, he said nothing.
but (and there was an expression of
perene eatit faction in the old man's eye)
lie was visibly moved." Washington
Ti.king It for Granted.
Highly Indignant Citizen There's a
man down here on Blank street using
city water unlawfully. He's sprinkling
his lawn at d it s after 8 o clock. I want
him arrest d.
Police Magistrate (reaching for blank
warrant) 'That's your name?
"John Chock well."
"Number of your milk wagon, Mr.
Chock well? "Chicago Tribune,
A Matter of Location.
Staffer (i.t the end of the Simpkins
ball) Do y ju know I can't find my over
coat any wl ere?
Simpkinf Have you looked in tne re
Staffer Why, no. How could it be
Simpldns You haven t been anywhere
else daring the evening, have you.'
Clothier an 1 Furnisher.
m;. a F. hel is a lontr time coining
Anvn "Ba.ir! the vouth to the servant.
after waitii g some time for the young
..mm, , M , 1 , 1 j
lady s appe. trance, ".rernaps, aeaaaea,:
with a lane h, "perhaps she is making up :
her mind whether to see me or not" I
No," said the servant, with an icy
smile, "it k n't her ' mind she is making
"London M consume.
GUILTY, YET ACQUITTED.
How a Lawyer Secured m Verdict for a
Self Confessed Criminal.
"Well, I will tell you of another case,"
said John D. Townsend, the lawyer, one
night while chatting about a strange scene
in law courts with me at an up town club.
"You will remember a few years ago that
a man named Jeffords, whileserving time
in Sing Sing, was murdered by a fellow
convict who was aggrieved at something
Jeffords had said. Jeffords had been tried
and convicted of the murder of his sten
father, and under the conditions of the law
determininor thei mAnnei HMfi, i..t
time the governor had refused to set a
time for, his execution. Jeffords was
therefore virtually remanded for life.
"The father of the man who killed Jef
fords lived in the upper part of this state,
and he retained me for the defense. I went
to Sing Sing shortly after 1 was retained
to take the testimony of witnesses in favor
of my client. I
- mvciu vt tuciu
would be convicts, and I wanted to get
me.r raumony, etc., before they gotaway.
"I took the testimony of eight men, all
of whom swore positively that my client
was in a diflVrent. nrt. f v.a
1 ' - . r I VA 1 1 W 111
Jeffords at the time of the killing. Of
course I supposed that I had a verv easv
A: ,1 ' , 1 ' . . 1 . . . J
time attention to It until
near the time of the trial, which was to
take place at White Plains courthouse,
"I thought it wnnl.l W noli t c:..
bmgthe night before the trial, to make
"""i my witnesses would be in at
tendance the next day. While sitting
"iiuuiBwuraeniii tils office, word came
to me that my client would like to see me
at his cell door. I went down and he met
me with the remark:
'"I suppose a lawyer ought to know
everything about the case he has in hand'
"I replied that of course he should be
thoroughly posted, or he could not compe
tently defend his client.
"'Well, then,' he replied immediately.
I did kill Jeffords!
"Just please to imagine the condition of
my feelings! However, I had but one
course to take. I remembered a somewhat
similar case occurring a short time before
in Kngland. Counsel defending a mur
derer was just about to sum up with a
certainty of a verdict when he was handed
a note from the prisoner confessing his
"In that case counsel asked an adjourn
ment in order that he might have an op
portunity of presenting to the court cir
cumstances which had at that moment
come to his knowledge, and which was of
the utmost importance to consider. A re
cess was taken and the matter submitted
to the court by counsel.
"It was unanimously determined that
counsel must proceed to sum up on the evi
denee lust. rlmncli !iu s.1 l,n
spoken to him. On the reassembling of
. , , , . ...
tuun. no uiu so, ana nis client was acquitted!
"Acting upon this precedent, I submitted
the evidence I had gathered, summed up
Wit limit. Dvnntci mr ant.nninmi.nl
and my man was also acquitted! Mrs.
ot-uurus, me luoineroi tne murdered man,
sat in the balcony throughout the trial.
As all the parties in the case are now dead,
I have i '.esitation in telling this remark
able case." Xew York Recorder.
It C ot: lil Swim.
At a seaside resort some boys caught a
ribbon snnke about eighteen inches long,
and after playing with it forawhile took it,
into their heads to see if it could swim.
They carried it to the pier and threw it into
the harbor. The snake set out swimming
at once, but instead of coming toward the
land it made for a small yacht lying at
It could not get up the sides of the boat,
but in swimmiug about it it came to the
cable, up which, to the amazement of the
boys, it was seen to make its way by twist
ing around it.
The shouts of the bovs called the atten
tion of the only man on the yacht to the
presence of the snake, aud after chasing
the poor creat nre with a broom about the
deck, he succeeded in throwing it into the
water again. The snake, still plucky,
swam to another yacht near by, but was
driven away with an oar.
It then started for t he other side of the
harbor, nearly a quarter of a mile distant.
and the men in the second yacht had the
curiosity to get into a small boat and fol
low it to see if it reached the shore. It
swam steadily, going somewhat more slow
ly as it went on, but still keeping up iu
graceful, undulating motion until the
shore was gained.
By this time it was somewhat exhausted.
but it had strength enough to crawl away
among the rocks, and the men who were
watching it felt that it had earned the
right to live, even had there been anv rea
son which there wasn't for killing it in
the first place. Youth's Companion.
His Wooden Leg.
"You wear a wooden leg. Billie"
Old Biliie sat in a sailor's saloon on the
east side yesterday afternoon.
"Where did you get it?"
"In the West Indies, in '60 pirates."
"You love New York?"
"Depends. Say, this is the most won
derful wooden leg in the world."
"Looks as if it had seen service. "
"Has. But that ain't it.. All my old
pals has carved their names on Billie's old
wooden leg. See here, Jim Scott he's
dead these ten years; Jack Linn Jack died
in the African slave trade; Tom, Billie
Bounce, Harry, Sum Post, Charlie Bum,
an Old Grimes an Hawksley an Henahaw.
All my old mates. Say, ain't that grand?
I wouldn't sell this here old leg for a
month's advance. It's the grandest thing
in New York today." New York World.
She Boilod the Tea.
In connection with the introduction of
tea into England a very amusing story is
told of a certain titled woman who had
been presented with a pound of the finest
green tea. She had no idea of its proper
preparation, and consequently boiled the
entire quantity and served it up with
melted butter as an accompaniment to a
roast of beef.
She was not pleased with its appear
ance, and gravely informed her guesta
that, although it had been cooked for sev
eral hours, it was simply impossible "to
make those foreign greens tenderl" De
troit Free Press.
' Supplying lynches.
A number of large establishments in New
York provide suitable bodily refreshment
for their hundreds of employees " This is
given in some part of the building, so that
from the hour of report lor duty till the
bone of dismissal -there, is no excuse for
leaving the plaoev-Reatasvntnts in these
business bouses for ; customers are now
quite general. , Retail stores thatsellevery
thing within the range of domestic require
ment must keep the customer in good
humor and fair bodily trim, and there is
nothing like a nice lunch at a low price to
do th.-New York Herald.
That Looks Impossible !
But it is the Truth!
Our entire stock of Clothing and Gent's Furnish
ing Goods has to be sacrificed regardless
of cost, as we will positively
QUIT THE CLOTHING BUSINESS.
115 and 117 West Second Street, DAVENPORT, IA.
Carse & Co.
Will give away a NEAT PENCIL CASE
.with every pair of School Shoes this com
ing week, at the old reliable shoe house,
CARSE & CO.
1622 Second Avenne
Impart 9 MiUint tranftMrrsVT U the okim. ft.
I iwrfM all pimric. freckle tutd dwlorsLion&. am
sa by tul flm-rls. drujrri-u or maiisFd for M ctt.
r .ay 3s fauna em
si. ft viu r.
Kmriru Avraaaasrna Bcaate 10 Sprat
f tract), wbcra ad
t siu contrasts
J. T. TJIXOJST,
And Dealer in Mens Fine Woolens.
1706 8econd Avenuft
1 uas las it