Newspaper Page Text
THE ABQUP. TUESDAY.
NOVEMBER 17. 1891. , 5?
t iT.WAVQ TVTPnnomTT- I ' i '
nteIllgeUCC " "11.11. GETTIN JINcD TOGETHER."
-v WMS fur rent. Ei quire at 1717
SKT .J'Ji.m.Iodi-. Jewelry, end all Mtiotos
,',.--0n chattel mortiraires,
.i-cn-Mi-n ...... 1 ... anil .lead.
o ' ' . .. nf ; "vr: . : . .. .7..
' . Mo-o I''. Mitcaell i.ynae ouua
Plumntr. hv the Dav-
.sooiiu ljhnril mjnJy. f.t
. . -i ..tiiiiin tn taka anient
rf ?i i-n fni't orna nental trees.
r'""- .... iirutiv e'e. in enpertenc-
RVr.:n r. j'Un-d GOOD PAY.
1" ". ui II
;,v of !'.'';
of the itfORl,' produced
Inrt . c a red $503 n 4
Inlnfli'l lua , SslST
ii II. Barn?, uarneia
ft1".: :. mi..,it. tub irreaieai nona
aS-Mit. Freietat ptid. Heanttfnl
- Aitfr.". "lobe Bible Pnblithing
V'-!l"" ' ' l-nil .aeipma, ra.
Vacation Over !
V for Work
5,r. f ! '. adlitlons to fie'r stock
:i. i very dopirtmcnt.
ud -;v' kinls, including
BestlGoods at Low Rates-
A, D. HUESING.
wmhis. aarae other time-tried and wel
I aoR F-jTlnaraoce Companies he foUowlsg:
Inji: Icursnce Company, of England.
Tacaejter Fire Int. Company ol N . Y.
fcJuo Gtrmac In. Co., Buffalo, N. T.
!Kie! German In. Co., Roche ter, H. T.
Cteeti fa?. Co., of Pitubargh, Pa.
raL la.. Co., of California,
jeecrti Ic!. Ci.. New Hivan. Conn.
liauiK Mechanic Ina. Co., Milwaukee, Wl
itmii T::t Co., of Peoria, 111,
OfisCor. 19th St., and Second Ave.,
ROCK ISLAND. ILL. .
J. M. BUFORD.
o'.a ?ire a-d Time-tried Coapaaie
LOSSES PROMPTLY PAD).
Hi ,,. nreli'blem any aaa iMmL
33 it Ar,-aa Dioek.
Surety on Bonds.
,i " " iiw ur-iic w siuiu ear at i ii K
IT l"T 'r;n -p from further obligations t
"-ifc.c, rt- j,;:rJ in ihtirourifi. nhntild anulv
rBPTvhi:,,.-r " AMERICAN
li'jjV " lera. tma capital
E'J. LIBHUKKSECtlT. Agent.
1..' ( aij avenue. Rock Island. III.
R.BY ANALYZED. FROM THE STAND
FDINT OF A BACHELOR.
'ORST VON KfTTOITRITV: Pharmacist
fittcummi a SnoiatTf .
r earth At. andTwBtT-TWrd 8t
0rr8 promptly filled for
Game, Fish and
Oysters. ; . 5
Aiso a firt-cl ReiUursnt
,,,!!lbour. By Harry W. Smyth at
- i OXHAR HARMS'.
Some Compariaona That the Fond Mother
and Devoted Annt Will anl.;ntiy
Repod ate-Aft.r All. the Child Teaches
Mankind the Leasoa of Faith.
Babies belong to the neuter gender so
may be classed with the marine aacid'ian
and otter lellylike structures. Thev
should iivariably be spoken of as "it"
and speculations as to ultima .u !j
never be indulged in in presence of the
parents, trot it is always safe to make a
general statement of "it. being like its fa
ther " I ventf it should eventually turn
out to be a girl, this statement is not sun
posed to cast any stigma upon it or its
mother but is generally received with
Rough! y speaking, babies may be divided
Into two olasses-those that resemble pigs
and thost that have more of the character
istics of t he monkey tribe. The nig vari
ety is nso ally sloppy in texture and runs
over in the matter of cheeks, and has a
multiplicity of chins, each more unstable
than the other; to kiss an infant of this
class resembles kissing a poached egg. and
under vety few circumstances is haudling
advisable, as the head appears to be insuf
ficiently attached to the main body, and
rolls in an astonishing manner. Total
baldness and great bunnhiness and bulb
ousness of skull are usual with this spe
cies, though sometimes there is a thin cov
ering of white or primrose colored down
on the he;l.
These bsbies r.re usually called "fine chil
dren," and their legs arooften exhibited in
confirmation of the statement. The legs
arefashirned upon the proportions of an
ill distributed rolypoly, and their circum
ference U usually in excess of their length.
Persons if great nicety and exactness of
politeness insert a finger under one of the
chins of t hese creatures, and make a little
chuckling noise, which ives great satis
faction to the parents, while exceptionally
strong minded people will make a dent in
the chetk or even in b:ith cheeks aud coo:
but it req tires long practice and plienonto
nal coo! m -ss to carry this off satisfactorily,
as not infrequently the infant considers
the act in the light of a lilierty and raises a
howl; a husty retreat is the only approved
course in .hat event.
The otlcr variety of baby, the monkey
sort, is frequently hairy on the head, and
of very! ep red ochcr or intense orange
color. It inclines to skinniness. and as
punching is not desirable under these cir-
enmstam- s the visitorshould always make
some reii-.trk as to the astonishing length
of the linbs and predict that it will be a
tall child. Nervous people often feel a cer
tain alarn at lwingwith infants of thi
class, beci.iise the expression of their faces
issoprenruurely old and wise. Theclev-
erest man feels his miserable insignificance
and fonlis-liness beneath the weird stare of
one of the infants; it is so immeasurably
w ise ana ancient, so lar removed from the
mistakes ( t hnman life.
On the ether hand, it is safer to hold one
of these than one of the former varietr. be
cause they have rudimentary bones and do
not tall t t.ieces; also their heads are
firmly attached to the rest of them and do
not roll. The real secret of successfully
holding be th sorts of babies is to crasn the
clot hes firmly and let the baby look out for
itself. It cannot, however, be impressed
too strong y upon the mind that inverte
brate amn.als are best regarded from a dis
tance and not tampered with.
A careful and intelligent study of the
lmby leads the impartial observer to the
conclusion that it is a development of the
genus or order Ilolothurian, a creature
composed of a mouth and rudimentary
stomach, liet any one who doubts this
place any object (the costlier the better)
within rea :h of a baby, and he will see it
conveyed, is a matter of course, to that
baby s mouth. This is a nni versa! law of
babyhood; coal, soap, penknives, hair
brushes, ljooks. tovs, boots, umbrellas, are
all tested i y the mouth, and the liijjgerthe
article the more the bhy enjovs the effort
to swallow it.
B.VBV IS AN OPTIMIST.
The epidxrmis, or outer surface of the
baby, lKari a general resemblance to "vel
vet nml frills, but as the town naturalist
is not oflen provided with a magnifying
glass, he c iiiuot speak with certainty of
the hiiire in.-es of millinery in nurses'
arms invai iahlv containing a )abv.
A generj.1 rule tuny here lie given when
the mass squeals it is safe to conclude that
there is a 1 aliy inside, as all nuturalisu nre
agreed that babies ran ami d'i squeal; hut
even here there is verv little statistical in
formation ro lie relied upon, some ant hori-
ties staling tuat t he creature is of noctur
nal habits and howls .'i.'Cy at nights,
other ileclarinif tiiat ii l.u'A'ls unreasingly;
while mot) ers rapt urously affirm that baby
never cries There ought to lie vrry little
liflicultv 1-1 collecting reliable information
on this IK1 it, but the self devotion of our
savants hts not reached that point yet.
Historically considered, the babies have
never lieen of much ;imiit unless they
were of th male sex. and not always then.
One inte est.ing feature is to lie oliserved
in the baby of the present day. Although
so low do n in the scale of events, the last
liorn baby starts in life with the same ego
ism and se f confidence as if it were the
I'.rst and only baby in the world. The ex
perience of hundreds of gcner.itions has
done nothing to modify the natural hope
fulness and optimism of the baby. Cain
himself w;ts not nicirijetii'ly optimist
than the lust new infant, for the sin and
sorrow of :he world does not touch t he
baby. If t, '.arts as fresh as Adam every
time, and lielieves it can hnve the moon to
play with 'vitn the same cheery obstinacy
that its prehistoric thousandth great
The reign' of faith can never die out
while babies are being born; I hey believe
evervthing. hope everything, desire every
thing. Culture will doubt le-s do some
thing to m vlify the extreme youthfulness
and happi less of the baby, as it has low
ered our vitality and curtailed our passion;
but so far the one irredeemable bit of sav
agery whi h no knowledge has touched,
do refineiient smothered, no civilization
veueeml. is that utterly irreclaimable
vestige of tirimitive man in all his original
tavagery (be baby. Black and White.
Trees 'Were Made to Be Climlii.
A umall bov after doing Fore,t park,
pretty thoroughly the other day, and be
ing told th tt he mustn't do this and that
because th police had their eye on bim,
remarked t hat he would like to ask the
commissio wr W put up a new sign and
have it tc read, "This tree for boya to
shin." ftp -iugfleld Republican.
The can era and ordinary oil .amp are
uow being used to produce photographs pf
the imlica-or cards in steam engines, by
which theworkiutfof the engines can be
eeen and udied at r V. tir. .;,,
The Evidence Went Against Him aad
. Love Wept. .
When I was about two miles out of
town it began to rain heavily and
woman came to the door of a negro cab
in and called to me to "scratch in yere
'til de wetness is ober." I fonnd that she
was a widow with three or four children,
and she had a caller in the person of an
old darky who had seen at least seventy
five years of all sorts of weather. He
was blind in one eye, humpbacked and
lame, and he didn't look able to lift a
peck of potatoes. -After some general
tain me oia man turned to the widow
"Ize gwine ter ask he 'nn 'bout it." '
"Yes, lar'! He 'nn orter know. Will
yo' nn abide?"
"But I're gwine ter."
She fidgeted around, and he got np
and sat down and cleared his throat and
"Say, boss, Te been axin Llbbie 'bont
our gittin' jined together."
"Shoo! ole man how flighty!" she ex
claimed as she waved him away.
"You mean about getting married?" I
"Datsit. Her husband's dun dead,
an she's powerful lonesome without a
"Now, Moses, what yo' talkin sich gid
diness fur?" she protested.
"It's de troof, Libbie. Jist fadin right
away 'kase yo haven't got no husband.
Dese yere chill en jist cryin all de time
kase dey hain't got no fadder. Pore
"Daddy, Ize dun tole yo' dat you's too
cle," she objected.
"Hn! How ole was I?"
"Mighty ole, daddy mighty o.e.
Yon's dun 'bout ready to die."
"Hu! H'ardat woman talk! Boss, I
want yo' to decide dat questnn. Jist
look me all ober an' say how ole I was."
I took him over to the window where
I could get a good look at him, and as I
scanned his features I realized that he
must be a very old man indeed.
"Do you want my houest opinion?" I
asked, as we sat down again.
"Sartin, boss," he hopefully replied,
while the widow's face wore an anxious
"Well, then, as near as I can judge,
and to the best of my knowledge and
belief, yon are at least eighty years old,
and perhaps five years older."
"Jist like I dun tole yo, daddy!" ex
claimed the widow; and she pounded her
knees with her fists and laughed long
The old man stood np, looked at me
reproachfully out of his one eye and
then shuffled ont of doors without a word.
He fell down getting off the doorstep,
and he tripped over a root and fell down
again at the gate; and as he went off up
the road he humped over so far that he
did not appear to be more than three
feet high. Half an hour later the rain
ceased tailing, and I followed him. Half
a mile up tly? road I came to a fork, and
the old man stood there under a tree.
"Daddy, which road do I take to go to
KelleyVr' I asked.
He looked at me for a moment and
then came shuffling out to the road and
"Boss, I won't tole yo' nnffin "bout de
"Bnt why?" ,
"Kase yo" hain't no friend of mine!"'
"Yes, I am, too; of course I am."
"Xo, sab! No. sail! Can't stuff dat
down me, sah! If yo' was a friend of
mine you'd a tole dat widder dat I was
only twenty-seven y'ars ole, sah "zactly
twenty-seven las' week! I doan know
titifiin 'bout roads, nor Kelley, nor no
body! (rood day, sah!" New York
A t.eueroiia Husband.
"What are you going to give your
wife fur her birthday?"
"I'll have her air cushion replen
ished." Pa pillon.
A Better Story Than Ilia.
Rodney Hates is a FjiortsiiiHU of more
enthusiasm than exierience. He had
good luck one day last summer while
fishing up in the Maine woods, and his
joy overflowed in a telegram to his wife
like this: "I've got one. Weighs seven
jxiunds and is a beanty." In reply came
the following, signed by Mrs. Bates: "So
have I. Weighs ten pounds." He isn.t a
lieauty. Looks like yon." It was more
than U-ii words, bnt Roddy forgave her.
Boston Pi -st. .
What It Meant.
Johnny Pa, what does the paper
mean when it says. that Mr, Littlesoul
has taken Miss Brown as the partner of
his joys and sorrows?
Pa It means, my son, that they arc
to enter liVvtpon the chare and share
alike principle. He will take all the
joys and let her have all the sorrows.
A Terrible Feasibility. .
Mother (reading) A machine has beea
invented that will fling a man 1,500 feet
into the air.
. Pretty Daughter Hprrors! Don't let
pa hear of it. CiooU News. .i
The Brute. " j
Mrs. Wick wire Yet, when you fell in
love with me ' j
Mr. Wick wire I didn't fall in. I was!
dragged in. Indianapolis Journal. J
That Looks Impossible !
But it is the Truth !
Our entire stock of Clothing and Gents Furnish
ing Goods has to be sacrificed regardless
of cost, as we will positively
QUIT THE CLOTHING BUSINESS.
115 and 117 West Second Street, DAVENPORT, IA.
Carse & Co.
Will give-away a NEAT PENCIL CASE
with every pair of School Shoes this com
ing week, at the old reliable shoe house,
CARSE & CO.
1622 Second Avenue
ImrJt a lYitlianl lrmn.rfvy u tbe paia. Re
I moTf, all piniplea, frecalr and discoloration. For
I sale by ail Angela, drnprit., or mall for 60 eta.
iSVav mmm mm mm. i auipa by
2 I ..I mm laar j.i.rviu4
l mW V w Bafc as m a at.
nMf .ay j faun ea.
Kmnm Aiwaaanuw Btnuuv M iaroes
t aioa eoatraeto
J. T. IDIXOJSr,
MERCHANT TAILOR. '
And Dealer in Mens Fine Woolens.
1706 Second AVenno