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! THE ARUUS. FnbUahed Daily and Weekly at 1824 Second Avenne, Rock Island. 111. J. W. Potter, Publisher. Tbms Dally, SOe ptr month; Weekly, $2.00 er annum; in advance, $1.50. All communication of a critical or argnmenta ore character, volitical or religious, must have eal name attached for publication. Ho such articles will he printed over fictltioaa signatures. Anonym. n communications not noticed. Correspondence rollciied from every township Bock Island countv. Thursday, July 14, 1892. K3lOt RA Til X ATIOX L TICKET. For President G ROVER CLEVELAND Ifor Vice President AIM. Al E. STEVENSON STATE. For Governor JOHN P ALTGELD Fort'oncnssniHii at larjre JOHN C BLACK ForC'onKressmanat large.. ANDRE W J HUNTER For Lieutenant Govrnor JOSEPH B GILL For Secretary of State tMli H1NR1(-1IEN For Auditor DAVID GORE ForTreasurer RUFTJS N RAMSEY For Aitorticy General M T MALONKY For Elector, 11th Dist J. H. HANLEY UEJIOIKATIC .K! . IOWK.VTIOX The Democratic voters in the several connties compiisin' the JCcreutb Congrjssioual District are requested to ser.d delegates to a Congress ional convention to be held at Monmouth, Illinois, Till KSl'AY, tEPT. 1, MK. at 10:20 o'clock, a. m. for the purpose of nominat ing a candidate for congress, u member of the board of equalization, and to transact such other business as may he presented for the consider tion of the convention The several counties In the congressional district will be entitled to a representation n the basis of one delegate for very 400 votes and one for a fraclon of 100 votes or over, cat for Edward S. Wiison, for sta'e treaaurer in 1800. us follows: Counties. Votes W3 No. Del. Rock Island 4.SS1 ill Mercer 4,008 10 Henderson 934 5 Warren ,2Ni 11 Hancock 4.005 SO MrDoLOUgh 8.J58 16 Schuyler 10 total, 93 By order of Democratic Congressional commit tec of the Eleventh Congreaeional district of Illi nois. . w. Pc;T1EK, C'h'm. H. C. Cook, Sec'y. Monmouth, 111., July 9, l9i Indianapolis SentiDel: Whitelaw Reid and H. C. Frick are two of a kind, so far as their relations to organized labor go. The troubles of Stanley, the explorer, in his attempt to get elected to parlia ment, furnish new proof of the wisdom of letting well enough alone. The world's fair being icdorsed by the platforms of both the democratic and republican parties is further evidence of the hustling qualities of Chicago. It is very few strings that the Gcst ctowJ is not working to insure the re nomination of the ex-rongressmin. Even the 2-year aco system of conducting the canvass in his behalf through the medium of anonymous correspondents has been introduced again, and "A Workman" is drafted in to write the Chicago Inttr Ocean about what Gest did while in con gress and praying for his rtuomination. The Union of course "copies" the com munication under a double head. The most laugh-provoking part of the com munication is the crediting uf Gest with securing the Rock Islatd viaduct and Hennepin canal appropriation, against the success of both which measures, no one could have done mure, unless it be the direct ferry interests. The I'll. 1 lorn:. Here, i s summarized by the Albany Argus, are the things for and against which the di niocratic party by its plat form is pledged: For home rule and individual liberty and bgain&t centralization. Against the Force bill, federal marshals at the polls, federal returning boards, the revival of race antagonisms, and the en trenchment of the republican party in perpetual power. Against profligate expenditure and new burdens of taxation.. Against unnecessary taxation which la unjust taxation. For free raw materials of manufacture in the interest of labor and productive industry- Against the republican tax policy which fosters no industry bo much as the sher ids. For wider markets for American goods and against prohibitive taxes which close these markets. Against sham reciprocity, offering the shadow, not the substance, of trade. Against trusts and combines . For public lands for actual settlers and against grants for railroads and alien landlords, For repeal of the silver act of 1890. For honest dollars of gold and silver, of tqual intrinsic and exchangeable value. For repeal of the 1,10 per cent state bank tsx. For genuine civil service reform, Bin cere I j enforced. Against the denomination of political conventions by federal officeholders. Against bluster toward the weak and humility toward the strong in our for eign relations. For the prohibition of Chinese, pauper and criminal immigration. For just and liberal pensions, but against extravagant and corrupt pension administration. For internal improvements on the Mis sissippi and Hudson. For popular education and against in terference with religious liberty. For territorial self government. For protection of life and limb of rail way employes. Against the sweating system. Against sumptuary legislation. Woman has been compelled to suffer, not only her Ills, but those arising from a want of knowledge on the part of those with whom she stands connected. In the mansions of the rich and hovels of the poor, woman has been alike the pa tient victim of ills unknown to man. But now the hour of ber redemption has come. Bradfield's Female Regulator cures all diseases peculiar to her sex. Sold by Hartz & Babnsen. MR. AND MJ IS. BOWSER. THE HEAD OF 'HE FAMILY IS IN A BAf MOOD. He Tries to Convii ee Mrs. Bowser That Tilings Are Not us They Should He, but He Gets. Coi nered What No Liv ing Man Can Stand. (.Copyright, VHt, 1 y Charles B. Lewis.: Mrs. liowser real-, ed that something was wronu; as soon 11s ffh heard his step. He came Scrolling up t ie steps, gave the door a kick as he unlock, d it, and dropping his hat in the hall he w liked up to her with some object In his h tnd and asketl: "Do yon see that, Mrs. Bowser?" "Yes, dear." "What is it?" "A hairpin." "I picked it up on the steps. It is only a hairpin, to be sute, but my finding it where I did has a -ignificanee. It proves the reckless waste and appalling ext rava gance prevailing th -oughout this house!'' "Does it? Well, haven't been cut the house today. It was very likely dropped by Mrs. White, w ho came in this after noon." Mr. Bowser perceived that he had no case, and he had no hing more to say until he sat down to dim er. After he had lie gun his meal he suddenly laid down his knife and fork and oily inquired: "Mrs. Bowser, die you ask the grocer for wagon grease or bu : ter when you got this stuff?" "I didn't ask for either. Isn't it good butter?" "There's no but er about it. It isn't even decent oleomargarine. It's a wonder to me we haven't al I been poisoned! When a man tells me that his wife knows enough to buy groceries I V now he's either a iiar or an idiot ! I'll bet you paid at least twenty-eight cents per piund for this grease!" "Mr. Bowser, thi 1 is some of that butter you found in a dairy four or five days ago and paid thirty cen s per pound for because it was so extra! Let's see! It was the Cold Spring dairy, wasn't it? There's a whole cake of it sti.l left." "Do you you!" "Yes same butt r, Mr. Bowser. I think yon got cheated on it. I never saw a man yet who was a judge of butter!" Mr. Bowser Wat floored again, and he didn't rally until after the meal was over. He was looking or something and he found it. Mrs. Bo vser had to tell him the coal was out. "What! What! Two tons of coal gone in three days and on. y the range to use it!" shouted Mr. Bowel r. "That coal lasted longer than usual, I think," quietly rej lied Mrs, Bowser, Mm w? m T ZJ- W "TWO TONS BR THRKK DAYS!" "What on earth did you do with it? Two tons Ln three da; s! Are we running a 40-horse power engine in this house? Are we an ocean strainer? Are we a steam supply company, unlimited?" "Do you know vlien you cot that coal? Here is the date. It was over six" "If I had the mo n-y of Gould and Vander bilt put together couldn't stand such ex travagance!" fnterrnpted Mr. Bowser as be stood trp and gestured with 1 t 1 1 arms "Will anybody on top of this green earth believe it!' two tons in three days!" "Look at the dare yourself." she said as she handed out Che bill. "It is a day or two over six weeks. lur new girl is very economical with ( ml.'' There was the date, and though Mr. Bowser was red dear back to his ears he couldn't dispute ir.. He felt that he must say something, 1 owevcr. and so he laid it down with the remark: "Nothing but waste! waste! waste! from cellar to garret, aid back again! How we manage to keep out of the poorhouse is a mystery to me!" Mrs-. Bowser g! ve him fifteen minutes to quiet down ant then placidly observed: "I had a man fi the front doorbell this afternoon, and you'd better leave me half a dollar to pay him." "What! That front doorbell out of order again!" he i ried as he laid down his pter. "This is the 1 rst time it has ever been out of order, Mr. Bowser, and we have lived right here t ver eight years." "But how did ii come out of order? Who stood on the front steps and willfully and delilierately und maliciously pulled and yanked and tagged until they broke the wire? If it wasn't you. then who was it, and where were ; ou to allow it?" "The wire was worn out." "Worn on t ! V"ho ever heard of a wire wearing out? It was deliberately pulled out by the roots, and it can stay out! The next thing you'll tell me, I suppose, is that all the water pipes in the house have busted." "No, the wat r pipes are all right; but the iceman" "What nbout t he iceman? My contract calls for twenty- ive pounds a day, and if he's playing root s on us I'll hunt him to his grave!" "His bill for a month here.it is." "His bill! Wl.y, the infernal scoundrel! He didn't begin lelivering ice until a week ago!" "Oh, yes, dear " "IT1 take 10,00) affidavit that it isn't ten days! He think ; you are running things and has taken a (vantage of it. Mrs. Bow ser, you know I' m a patient, uncomplain ing husband, but this" "Here's the d tte on my grocery liook," she interruptet , "and it's in your own handwriting. 1 asked you to put it down, remember!" "Never! Nev t asked me anything of the kind!" "Isn't that yo ir writing?" "If it is I WW te it in my sleep, hut- it is probably a forg ry. It's no use, Mrs. Bow ser no use. V'e might just as well give up and sell out. No living man can stand such household mismanagement and keep his ambitiou a id courage. It's the last straw! I'm dot e!" And Mr. Bowser turned around and fell upon the louu,:ewitli a great crash, and K ! I III- ill 1 III! lay there for the next two hours t rying to , make himself believe that all husbands were martyrs and he the greatest martyr of all. THE ARIZONA KICKER. A Great AmMtioii Tliut Has Been Only Tartly Satisfied. OCR Ambition. Our esteemed contem-1 porary down the street, in a three column article of personal abuse, asks the question, "Will this villain's ambition be satisfied , with the office of mayor!-" We are the vil-1 lain referred to, of course, and we wish to frankly and emphatically reply that our ambition, so far from lieing satisfied, has just woke up. We are the editor and pro prietor of a great weekly family news- TELLING THF! HOSTESS HOW TO FOLD TABLE N ATKINS. paper, and the owner of a grocery, a harness shop, a shoestore, a gunshop, a butcher shop and a feedstore, all under one and the same roof. Further, we are the acknowledged Ward McAllister of this town. What we say in regard to social matters goes. We lead the german when the music strikes up, and when not lead ing the german we are telling the hostess how to work t he ice cream freezer and fold the table napkins to resemble a broken hu man heart. On top of all t his we are mayor of the town, elected. by an overwhelming major ity, and running municipal affairs in bang up style. Pitch of the boys as do not re spect us as mayor take pains to keep clear of the two guns we are known to carry as an editor and a citizen. We have driven out the cowboys, licked every member of the common council and brought the post master down off his high horse. It doubt less seems to our contemporary as if any one critter on this earth ought to le satis fied with such honors, but we are not. Kar from it! We shall not pause long on the threshold. We are already laying wires to be elected to the legislature, as we an nounced some weeks ago. It is the senate or nothing with us. From thence to the gubernatorial chair will only lie a step. From governor to congressman will Ik; only a stride. We may not be satisfied with even that. A Solemn Waknino. Tuesday after noon a man calling himself Grizzly Bill pot into a dispute in the Red Trout saloon with an individual who has been generally known around, town as Terrific Tom. Both drew their guns ami adjourned to the sidewalk and began shooting. Twelve shots were tired and the only thing hit was Major Callahan's bulldog, who died an hoax later. The parties were promptly arrested and brought before us, as mayor, for shooting all over the tow 11 and failing to hit each Other. It did not take us over hull' an hour to ascertain all the facts and particulars, and we fined each one twenty-live dollars. As neither had over two dollars in cash and couldn't raise the fine, the pair have gone to the county jail for three months. We understand that some of the boys are criticising our official action, btrt we can't help it. When a man draws to shoot in this town he must either hit somebody with one of his six bullets or be considered en N. G. and treated accordingly. This blazing away at random, anil firing good lead into telegraph poles anil hitching posts, is a smirch on the reputation of the town, aud we propose to put a stop to it if the thing can be done. FROM THE SAN SABA. He Was a Bad Man, bat He Didnt stay. The city marshal and I were sitting on the steps of a grocery facing the public square when a man suddenly appeared in front of and facing us 011 the other side of the street. He flung down his broad brimmed hat, jumped on it. and began: "I am the bad man from the San Saba river! When I'm let alone I am as tender hearted and peaceful as 11 little baity and nnylMKly kin borrow my guns or take off my bates. But when I'm riled oh! great guns! when I'm riled thar'sno nioreholdin me back than tryin to stop a stampede of 10,000 steers! Whoop! Waugh!" "Is there going to be a fuss h.-re?" I asked of the marshal. "Oh, no! Just go right on with your story." I was telliug him about a cyclone in Missouri, and as I continued the story or started to the man peeled off his coat and jumped on it and yelled: "The San Saba is full of alligators and lizards, but I swim in it every morning! The wateris pizen fur wolves and panthers, but I drink it by the gallon! My father "BUT WHEN I'M RILED." was a poor man, but he left me this yere knife which had bled a dozen duffers. My mother couldn't read or write, but she brung me up to fear nuthin on the face of the earth. Whoop! Whar's the critter the cowardly, thievin, lyin sarpent who put tar on my left ear while I slept?" "That man's dangerous!" I said to the officer as 1 looked around for a place of shelter. "I hardly think so." he replied, as he glanced at him. "What did the cyclone do next?" I had been speaking about llfteen sec onds when the bad man pulled off his est and the handkerchief around his neck Mid flung them on the pile and shouted: "Waugh! Whoop! They put rattle snakes in my lied, but I slept on like a baby! They put centipeds in my hat, but the critters dasn't bite! The lightning tore Bp the earth all around nie, but I wasn't hit! I cum down the left bank of the Suu Saba on a thunderbolt, but I was feelin good natured and wouldn't her hurt a fly. A nigger Ihjv could her led me by the nose till I found this tar on my ear. Whodunit? Let the critter stand forth and meet his doom!" "He's certainly getting ready to shoot!" I said to the marshal, "and we'll be his first targets." "Oh, I reckon not!" he calmly replied. "Were the folks killed when the house went over?" Before I could answer him the bad man drew two guns, jumped up and down and yelled "Waugh!" aud then added: "Hev I got to kill and bury this hull town to find the critter w hotarred my ear? Won't he step forth? Won't he be so kind ami condesceiidin and everlastingly good as to face nie fur the millionth part of a second? I'm siifferin? I'm in pain. If I can't find the human hyena who reached under the wagon with tar on a stick!" The marshal got up and walked over to him. He took the gun out of his right hand and flung it down, and he took the gun out of his left hand and tossed it after the other. Then he grabbed the bad man by the shoulder, wheeled him around, gave him a "lift" with his knee and said: "Now yo' go off and sleep some sense into yo' head or I'll use yo' for a club to hit hogs." The bad man went. He didn't even look back. The marshal picked up the prt-ees of clothing and the guns, tucked them under his arm and came over to me, and as he Siit down he said: "Well, yo'd got along to where the cy clone hit a school house. How many did it kill there?" An I in. .1,1 Tale. We had got settled down when a smile overspread the drummer's face, a grin be gan to draw the corners of his mouth right and left, and he quietly began: "I think it was the funniest thing I ever heard in all my life ha! ha! ha!" "Sir! Are you a drummer?" inquired an oldish man with reddish gray hair who sat in front of him. "Yes." "Drummer from Chicago?" "Yes." "And you want to tell us a funny story, eh?" "I do. It's the funniest story I ever heard related and too good to keep." "Well, sir, I've a word to say to you," continued the old man. "I like fun my self. Up to a year ago I was always on the grin. If anything tickled me I'd laugh till I fell down from weakness. I once laughed thirteen hours without a break at a story a drummer told me. I brought on heart disease from lauirhing. and the doc tors have warned me to be very careful. This storv is might v tunny, is it?" "It is. sir." "Got a roaring old climax to it ?" "Yes." "Pretty certain to convulse the audience I suppose?" "I'll warrant it to." "Then please excuse me and I'll go into the next car for a few minutes. I'm cer tain it's a funny story. I know you'll tell it in such a way that I shall have to bust right out in spite of all I can do. If I bust I'm a goner. I want to hear the story mighty bad. but 1 also want to live as long as I can. Just excuse toe." He picked aphis grip and left the car, and the drummer's smile faded away and he pulled out a newspaper and began to read. Somehow we (Han't like v ask for the story and somehow he didn't seem to care about telling it. By and by I w. nt into the other car nd found the old man and asked: "Were you really honest in what you said about your heart?" "Well, no." he replied. "What was yoUT object?" "Simply to stop his Tarn. I'm traveling in the same line of goous for a New York house, and I wanted to hurt his feelings as much as I could!" M. Quad. Gnat Aiiiiity. "Literature certainly runs in the Green smith family. The two daughters write poetry that nobody will print, the son writes plays that nobody will act. and the mother writes novels that nobody will read." "And what does the father write?" "Oh, he writes checks that nobody will cosh. " Exchange. Won't Cure Rheumatism. But Krause's Geim' u Oil will rob the rheumatic sufferers of nany rf its terrors, being a powerful absorhant in all cases furnishes temporary relief . It is arecogs nized fact that any stimulating counter irritant that is penetrating when properly applied temoves pain, and that is what Krause'e German Oil is a relief, not a cure for rheumatism. For sale bv all druggis's. Hartz & Bahcsen, wholesale Hgents. Cubeb Cough Cure One minute. ' For sale by all druggists. Hartz & Bahnsen, wholesale drucgiata. 30 DAYS 30 To reduce my stock of Summer Millinery I will place on sale for tbe next 30 days mv entire stock of millinery goods at prices that defy all competition of tbe tri-cities. It will pay you to call and examine my goods before purchasing elsewhere. MISS ZATE BYRNES, 17"9 Sec nd Avenue. iozzcr'jrs import; r iMHIliilll rrM r-, Kri.kin Re male by mi SnvebM tfttf .'t . ..;!.- K i tor oO eta ' 'i. -! t . lOWDEr O faJr ij tle GST jWect Beats ttye MADE ONLY BY w in 1 sw5zxti "WP- -r"in " J. B. ZIMMER, -THK Merchant Tailor, Hae Jntt received a large '-rc'.cc of the lateet Importer) atd Domestic Spring ar.d St:rr.r Suiting, which he ia felling at 125.00 and np. Hi? line of overcoatinga canr.ot be exci west of Chicago. A very fine line of jiante, which be la celling at Jo 00 and np. Cal and make 3 our selection while tbe atock ia complete. Stab Block, Opposite Harper House. OLD GUARD HANDMADE SOURMASH WHISKY Only S2.50 Per Cation AT J". X. DIXOJNT MERCHANT TAILOR, And Dealer in Mens' Fine Woolens. 1706 Second Avenue C. J. W. SwHREINEB, Contractor and Builder, I1SI ar.d UB Fourth an-ine. Residence- UW Fourth avenue. Plans ard specification furerFhen on all clatter? work : also scent o j nIer'a Pa-e-'1 a'ict Sliding Blind-, something new, siy!i?aanddte:rable. IOHST VON Will he located on Fifth avenue and . vfv 11 1 ANALYTIC AND iUM I Li JBMPS :HaT PHARMACIST 1" K. :. H CHAS, DANNACHER, Proprietor of the Brady 8treet iAil a : of Cat Flowers constantly on hand. Green Honses Flower Store- One block north of Central Park, the largest 1- Ia. 3C4 Brady Street. Dartnport,Iowt . B. F. DeGEAR, Contractor eincl Builder, Office and Shop Corner Seventeenth and Seventh Avenue, 'All Und! of ca.rpe.nter work a specialty. famished on avenport Business College, COMPLETE IN AT.T. DEPARTMENTS. FOR CATALOGUES ADDRKSS DUNCAN. ?Davenpoit. bvVjrt tye Wild tiry srvs &fefye bloom, of r. JS bear&nd thyme "T-c botlj together 5uSTA CLAL'S SOAP. v j .1. y v 1 r .4ai&-..is.vr. wharfs:., .v.vwrr r S . , v?- - tr- KJOWRBANK&Ca Chicago." LEADING - Market Square. 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