Newspaper Page Text
THE ARGUS. VKDNESDAY. OCTOBER 4, 1SU3.
v - '
i i .!..ki i:im.
, ;!:.:! y nave got
' ,. I;.,- ' M.i.lihs-rmvry maa
v j,- !.c ciiJ'.' in :t:nl lcg;uj
. a:;.', his ki-jht lin
I,; h an.l was cov
. ... that Wkci like
v.-.,. "V"'i l "k as thonga
;. :a- ft.itiK's with yur.r
- ..! i t' 1'aV lani Miiurt
;,a.: it 1"' ki.'-w any tiling
. .. ;H.yV :i:t:achtrrv.
; r :.! i i"sh it mi thick
., i..-.; si'i.l wuh it tft in
1 ..it it .in last liK'ht. ai'.d
v...-;i i: ..ff. Pa t.-hi 1;-v.-.i-
t" use a M-uuri:t.ir
v..!-.!. 1 i 'iii'' i'!". ami I r.st'vi
;,n.-!c. :iiitl it tunk tho t-kin
.r is tin Tf y.-t. Ainl. s.;:y,
; v, ry
v ia.ii; li'I-l iiini il was th
: . ; j ! t t r saw. but 1:
; i v r;i iii'inir a little icii
lit- said tin- tar would
:.- I-; ;-r. and th.' i'i-iij r
1. 1- tar r.lnl aft as a roul
;':, j.i.-: r.-'ti-d li;. Tin' Imy
:::u .: l ' l'i" r l't hilld the
; .-;r.:'. hi- linger in iiin'
, f ; !: l.i liji. a:;d thi-is
:i : ainl hr Ingan t.
. t.. .;.. wati-r u:i and ra:i i
. . v : t wash the I
... :- ri-iij laugiird. .i.1
.:;;! ;!:1'-J'!i'r wahf:l
n . his rutabaga ho i
oil hurt? Lit me assist yon,' and he
thcbo ft'jlows in h uiggiT show that kick
each other head over heels and fall on
heir ears and s: and on their heads and
turn around hk, to.? The minister's
feet slipped, and the nest I saw he was
standing on his head in his hat, and his
logs were sort of wilted and fell limp by
Ins side, and he fell over on his stummick
ou talk about tpreading the gospel in
heathen lands! It is nothing to the wav
you can spread i: with two quarts of soft
soap. The minister didn't look pious a
bit. When nevus trying to catch the
railing, belookw- as though he wanted to
murder every m m on earth, but it may
be be was i red.
!::-.;. n-;:e r.r,
1 ..! ;. A
:.? .!-.; wi'd eof.if. Ye:;
j i .1; i not i.t t dowti t :i
:.: i 'n ,' i::y pardon. You
r;. :::.:t mu .'.id not prescribe
; f. r ui bruised lip instead
T'r 1'e ware, yon base 12
..- ;'..;;::1 huckster, you gim-!t-ri-f(hs'
sausage, you sanded
y small potato three carl
ef hand rotten egg fiend,
-. that s.-Iis smoked sturgeon
"A: f.T sineked halibut: The
. a y..;-.r track:"
i fc-n-. y.amg man, don't you
i !: -. . r 1 u ill take you by the
'uli; y..ti tiirough green fields
.- t':l waters to the front dorr
' --v.r i ! p.i.-kct clear aiwutid
a v' ir it b-r a watch wicket vi
N-.. ! y c.;:i frighten me. b?
i' li ia--. ltov did von gi't
a i:las f cider ati 1
at.d I will tell yoii.
!:;! that cidtr is mads
-y ! at -pies arid fewer
!::;; a hatHiftU of layer
: t ; i t a box to take tire
tits it!-. '.itli. and while the
-"-"1 a peck of rutabagas, a
ti'l-.-r atid two pounds of rai--li
y's I'a the boy proceeded:
. Pa l;k-s a joke the best of
you ever saw if it is on some-
hut he kicks like a steer -when
m. I asked hi
i iun t be a trood loke to -nnt rottio
i;- on the front ster) so the letter
Jf -ould slip and spill himself, and
i- w'Uiu DC fclesrantL Thn lAttpr
as old a man as Pa, and I didn't
i-amuiate hint, but I -inst wnnt-
f his consent so he conldn't
- F"J caught in his own trap.
ell, this mprning the minis
of the deacons called on Pa
talk with him abontbis actions
1 on two or threo (vrnsirmo
T jull'-.l out the pack of cards
i.au..h.ercmtr and played the
s, and tl.rv i.o.i i.i
I "' lj;'Lt parlor, and finally they
i at: 1 were going to sing a hymn
'..lav.u theni a little hymn-
l ?fi" M,!-.,- .1 il .1
j, ".""w-i upeueii it anil
'-" n t, ' hut's this?' and
;- ut)'" '-nd it was a book of
:!.. instead of a hjmnbook.
v'a-;i t ttie minister mad! He
"'' J t.) read a hymn, and he
r h'j read two lines where it
" game of four handed euchre
aj) your partner's ace, but rely
to take the trick on suit.' Pa
;fl3 t) explain how the book
e.-when the minister and the
Parted out, and then I poured
n tin p.ail full of soft soap on
" S,t1)- 11 'vv'as this white soap,
?'JlOruf tile KtoT ar.,1 T ,.J.
-l Weiit down in the bnKjmn
' w? came out, and Pa was trying
' ' laeni about Iloyle when one
"' "us stepped in the soap, and
'"w np. and he Ftruck on his
-Lsu1 ''"'ni the steps. The miu-
Ilnti lilsutrc into thejeatcr.
"Well, Pa w; s paralyzed, ami ho and
the other deaco i rushed out to pick up
the minister an 1 the first old man, and
when they str uk the step they went
kiting. Pa's feet somehow slipped back
wards, and he turned a summersault
and struck lull length on his back, and
one heel v. a.-j ai ross the minister's neck,
and he slid dov n the steps, and the other
deacon fell all ver the other three, and
Pa swore at them, and it was the worst
looking lot of pious people I ever saw.
I think if the minister had been in the
woods somewhere where nobody could
have heard hint he would have used lan
guage. They all seemed mad at each
other. The hi:-ed girl told Ma there was
three tramps oat on the sidewalk fight
ing Pa, and M.i she took the broom and
Btarted to help Pa, and I tried to stop Ma,
'cause her cons titntion is not very strong,
and I didn't want her to do any flying
trapeze bizness but I couldn't stop her,
and she went out with the broom and a
towel tied around her head.
' Yv'ell, I d m't know where ma did
strike, but when she came ia she said
she had polp tation of the heart, but
that was not the place where she put the
arnica. Oh, I ut she did go through the
air like a bullet through cheese, and
when she wen: down the steps a-bump-it
y Lump I felt sorry for Ma. The min
ister Lad got so he could set up on the
eiuewalk, with Lis back against the lower
step, when Ma came sliding down, and
one of the heels of her gaiters hit the
minister in the hair, and the other foot
went right th -ough between his arm and
Lis side, and the broom like to pushed his
teeth down his throat. But he was not
mad at Ma. As soon as he see it was Ma
he said, 'Whv, sister, the wicked stand
in slippery p aces, don't they?' and Ma
she was mad and said for him to let go
her stocking, and then Pa was mad, and
he said, 'Look a here, yon sky pilot, this
thing has gon ? far enough,' and then a po
liceman came along, and first he thought
they were al". drunk, but he found they
were respectable, and he got a chip and
6craped the i:oap off of them, and they
"Pa and M i they got in the house some
way, and just then the letter carrier
came along, but he didn't Lave any let
ters for us, a id he didn't come onto the
steps, and the n I went up stairs and said,
Ta, don't yoa think it is real mean after
you and I fixed the soap on the steps for
the letter carrier he didn't come on the
step at all?" and Pa was scraping the soap
off his pants with a piece of shingle, and
the hired girl was putting liniment on
Ma and heating it in for palpitation of
the heart, ard Pa said, 'Yeu dam id jut,
no more of tl is. or I'll maul the liver out
of you.' and I asked him if he ilidn't
think soft so ip would help a mustache to
grow, aud he picked up Ma's work bas
ket and thr -w it at my head as I went
down stairs, and! came over him. Don't
you think ii.y Pa is unreasonable to get
mad at a litt le joke that he planned him
self?" The grocery man said he didn't know,
and the boy went out with a pair of
skates over ids shoulder, and the grocery
man is wemdering what joke the boy will
play on him to get even for the cayenne
HIS FA GETS M.U).
-"I was djwn to the drug store this
morning and saw your Ma buying a lot
of court pla iter, enotudi t-Uake a shirt.
-o man can afford to have a sick "Wife or
Daughter, nor, in such tines as these,
A big Doctor bill Zoa Phora cures
the sickness, eaves the; bills.
1 should think.' What s she doing with J
so much court plaster?" asked the gro
cery man of the bad boy as ho came in
and polled off his boots by the stove and
emptied out a lot of snow that Lad col
lected as he walked through a drift.
"Oh, I guess she is going to patch Pa
np so he will hold water. Pa's temper
got Lim into the worst muss you ever see
last night If that museum was here
now, they would hire Pa and exhibit hiui
as the tattooed man. I tell you I have
got too old to be manled as though I was
a kid, and any man who attacks me
from this out wants to have his peace
made with the insurance companies and
know that his calling and election is
sure, 'cause 1 am a bad man and don't
you forget it." And the boy pulled on
his boots and looked so cross and des
perate that the grocery man asked him
if he wouldn't try a little new cider.
"Good heavens!" said the grocery man
as the iKiy swallowed the cider, and his
face resumed its natural look, and the
piratical frown disappeared with the ci
der. -Yon have not stabbed your fa
ther, have you? I have feared that one
thing would bring on another with you
and that yon would yet be hung."
"Xaw, I haven't stabbed him. It was
another cat that stabled him? You see,
ra wants me to do all the work around
the Louse. The other day Lo- bought a
load of kindling wood and told me to
carry it into the basement. I have not
been educated np to kindling wood, and
I didn't do it. When supper time came
and Pa found that I had not carried in
the kindling wo;.d. he had a Lot box, and
he told me if that wood was net in when
he came back from the lodge that he
would warm my jacket.
"Well, I tried to hire some one to carry
it in and got a man to promise to come
in the morning and carry it in and take
his pay in groceries, and I w;is going to
buy the groceries here and have them
charged to Pa. But that wouldn't help
me out that night. 1 knew when Pa
came home he would search for me, so I
slept in the back hall on a cot. But I
didn't want Pa to have all Lis trouble for
nothing, so I Lorried an tld torn cat that
my chum's old maid aunt owns and put
the cat in my bed. I thought if Pa came
in my room after me and found that by
Lis nnkindness I had changed to a torn cat
Le would be sorry. That is t lie biggest cat
you ever fee and the worst fighter in out
ward. It isn't afraid of anything aud
can whip a Newfoundland dog quicker
than you could put sand in a barrel of
sugar. Well, about 1 1 o'clock I heard Pa
tumble over the kindling wood, and I
knew by the remark he made as the wood
slid around under him that there was go
ing to be a cat fight real ejuick. He come
up to Ma's room and sounded Ma as to
whethi r Henne ry had retired to his vir
tuous conch. Pa is awful sarcastic when
he tries to be. I could hear him take off
his clothes and hear him say as he picked
up a trunk strap: 'I guess I will go up to
his room and watch the smile on his face
as he dreams of angels. I yearn to press
him to my aching bosom.'
"I thougLt to myself mebbeyou won't
yearn so mucL directly. He come up
stairs, and I could Lear Lim breathing
Lard. I looked around tLe corner and
could see Lo just Lad on Lis shirt and
pants, and Lis suspenders were Lauging
down, and Lis bald Lead sLone like a
calcium light just before it explodes. Pa
went in my room and up to the bed, and
I could hear Lim say, 'Come out Lere
and bring in that kindling wood or I
will start a fire on your base burner with
this strap.' And then there was a yowl
ing such as I never heard before, and Ta
said, Helen Blazes,' and the furniture
in my room began to fall around and
break. Oh, my! I think I'a took the
torn cat right by the neck, the way he
deX'S me, and that left ail the cat's feet
free to get in their work. By the way
the cat squawled. as though it was being
choked, I know Pa had him by the neck.
I suppose the cat thougLt Pa was a whole
flock of Newfoundland dogs, and the cat
Lad a record on dogs, and it kicked
awful. Pa's shirt was no protection at
all in a cat fight, and the cat just walked
fill around Pa's stomach, and Pa yelled,
'Police' and 'Fire' and 'Turn on the
Lose.' and Le called Ma, and tLe cat
yowled. If Pa had had the presence of
mind enough to have dropped tLe cat or
rolled it up in tLe mattress, it would
have be-en all rigLt, but a man always
gets rattled in time of danger, and Le
Leld onto tLe cat and started down stairs
yelling murder, and Le met Ma coming
"I guess Ma's nightcap or something
frightened the cat some more, 'cause Le
slabbed Ma on tLe niglitshirt with one
Lind foot, and Ma said 'Mercy on us,'
and sLe went back, and Pa stumbled on
a Land sled tliat was on the stairs, and
they all fell down, and the cat got away
and went down in the coalbin and
yowled all night. Pa and Ma went into
their room, and I guess they anointed
themselves with vaseline and Pond's ex-
period. 1 will carry m coal, but I draw '
"i .licit Pa had him by the nccU."
tract, and I went and got into bed, 'cause
it was cold out in the hall, and tLe cat
had warmed my Led as well as it Lad
warmed Pa. It was all I could do to go
to sleep with Pa and Ma talking all night,
and tLis morning I came down the back
stairs and haven't been to breakfast,
'cause I don't want to see Pa when Le is
vexed. You let the man that carries in
the kindling wood Lave C sliillings' worth
of groceries and cLarge tllem to Pa. I
have passed tLe kindling wood period in
a bov's life. and. Lgye arrived at the coal
tne !( at inndliuir wood."
W-11. you arc a cruel, bad boy," said
the gracery man as Le went to the book
and charged the C shillings.
"Oh. I don't know. I think Pa is cruel.
A man who will take a poor kitty by the
neck that hasn't done any harm and tries
to chastise the poor thing. with a trunk
strap ought to be looked after by the
humane society. And if it is cruel to
take a cat by the neck how much more
cruel is it to tak.i boy by tLe neck that
had diphtheria only a few years ago
and whose threat is tender. Say. I guess
I will accept your invitation to take
breakfast with yon," and the boy cut off
a piece of bologna and helped himself to
the crackers, and while the grocery man
was out shoveling elf the snow from the
6idewalk the boy filled his inx-kets with
raisins and leaf sugar, and then went
out to watch the man carrv in his kin
(To be continued.)
''Fat D:ctor Bills Blake Lean Wills,"
But Dr. Sage's Catarrh Remedy costs less than
ooe doctor's v if it. Catarrh Is a loathsome, dan
gerous disease, and the time h s come whi n to
suffer from it is a disgrace. No person f culture
and refinement cares to ii filet tipin his friends
his offensive breath, disaur-tiiur hawking and
sp:ttimr and disagreeable efform tn breathe freely
and clear the throat and ni se - uence the cul
tured and reflucd use of Dr. Sage's Catarrh Rem
eiy. And no wise and prudent man cares to run
the risk of leaving his family without a protector,
by letting his "slight catarrh" run into serious or
fatal throat and lung troubles hence the wise and
prudent use of Dr. Sage's Catarrh Itcmedy. The
proprietors of this remedy are so confident of i s
curative properties that they have made a stand
ing oiler of a reward of $500 for a esc they can
C JCL VU til"
'df'jS the children
vtor a medi
i t v amon?
little ones of
z preparation of cod-liver
il almost as palatable as
'.11 lk. Many mothers have
grateful knowledge of its
benefits to weak, sickly
Eye and Ear Specialist
And so'.c proprietor of th i Jacksonville Eye
a' d Ear infirmary, will visit
- AT THE
TUESDAY, OCT. 3rd,
and rcm-iin until FriJav nicht tith. am! make
rturu visits ence a n-on-.h.
He will straighten the first case of
Cross Eves that applys FKEE of
charge. Send word to
Dr. Coffee has treated over 700 patient in
Kockford and Frrepon aud over 100 In and about
Galena Co sulfation free on first trip.
He will straighten CKOSS or SQUINT EYES in
Removes CATARACT 'n two minutes.
Pterygimie or film over the t-yes one minute.
1-idectimy two minutes.
Turninir in or out o lids and wild hairs, etc,
removed iiuii k!y.
Mopping of Lachrymal (tear) Duot, causing an
overnow of tears permanently cured.
Polypus Tumors in noc or cais removed in two
openinaof the Eustachian Tube leading from
throat to ear in two minutes.
Removing Tonsils and Clipping Uvula, one
Every one of the above operations I perform,
except cataract, and patients cin go home wish
:ATAh'ACT.PTEnYGIXXE (for film over the
siirht), CjKcitie of Cornea, blindness weak,
w atery ryes, grannin cd lids, chronic red sore
eye?, wild hairs, entroplura or turning in of eye
lids, diseases of lachrymal duct (tear duct), tu
mors of eye. cxtcrpat ion of eye ball. All snr
tical diseases of the eve and its nerves.
ACUTE AND CHKUX1C NASAL CATARRH
in all its forms cured permanently. Ozania.
polypus, tumors, hawking and spitting, enlarged
tonsils, loss 01 voice, tranulated sore throat,
DEAFNESS T can cure 60 per cent of these
cases, can tell in nve minutes if curable. I
ere many cases in one treatment .
mhsks in isaks i can cure in every ca-c.
D1SC1I AKGIG EARS I can enre in evervease
BKONCH111S AMD LUNG TROUBLE enred
lroni catirrb can Dc cured.
Washes everything from a fine
6ilk uandKerchiei to a circus
tent; Lace curtains a specialty.
No. 1724 THIRD AVE.
A. M- & L. J. PARKER,
Telephone No. 1214
Castoria is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infants
and Children. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor
other Xarcotic suhstancn. It is a harmless substitute
for Paregoric, Drops, Soothing Syrups, and Castor Oil.
It is Pleasant. Its gwaraateo is t tarty years' use by
Blillions of Mothers. Castoria destroys "Worms and allays
fevcrishness. Castoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd,
cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves
teething troubles, cures constipation and flatulency.
Castoria assimilates the food, regulates the stomach
and bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas
toria is the Children's Panacea tho Mother's Friend.
"Castoria is an excellent medicine for chil
dren. Mothers have repeatedly told me of its
good effect upon their children."
Dr. Q. C. Osgood,
" Castoria is the best remedy for children of
which I cm acquainted. I hope the day is not
far distant when mothers will consider the real
interest of their children, and use Castoria in
stead of the various quack nostrums which are
destroying their loved ones, by forcing opium,
morphine, soothing syrup and other hurtful
agents down their throats, thereby sending
hem to premature graves."
Da. J. F. Kinchktxje,
" Castoria is so well adapted to children that
I recommend it as superior to any prescription
known to me,"
H. A. Archer, M. D.,
Hi So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, K. T.
" Our physicians in the children's deport
ment have spoken highly of their experi
ence in their outside practice with Castoria,
and although we only have among our
medical supplies what is known as regular
products, yet we are free to confess that Um
merits of Castoria has won us to look witfc
favor upon it."
United Hospital ani Dispihsart,
AtXKN C. Smith, Pres.,
Th Centaur Company, TI Murr ay Street, New York City.
THE MOLINE WAGON,
The Moline Wap Co. ,
ftanutacturers ol FARM, SPRING AND FREIGHT WAGONS
A fall and complete line of Platform and oth Spring Waeons, especially adapted to U)
Western trade, of superior workmanship and finish Illustrated Price List free on
wi'lication. Bee the MOLISK WAGON before onrchaeing.
Heating and Ventilating Engineers,
Gas and Steam Fitting,
A complete line oi ffpe. Brass Goods, Packing Hose,
Fire Brick Etc. Largest and best equipped
establishment west of Chicago.
DAVIS bL-uuii. Moline, 111.
1 12. 1 14 West Seventeenth et.
Telephone 1148. tRocklslan
Re1denoe Telenhone 1166'
Everything in the line of spring vehicles, and the
largest assortment of
Harness, Laprobes, Whips, Etc.
Mason's Carriage Works,
East Fourth Street. - DAVENPORT, IO Wa.
B. F. DeGEAR,
Contractor and Builder.
Oflice and Shop 225 EijjhteenthrStreet
ROCK ISLAND, ILL.
CBAU kinds of Carpenter work a specialty. Plans and cstimateslfor all kinds of bnOdina
famished on application. "
Carpenter and Builder,
OFFICE, NO:2821;SIXTH AVENUE,
Shop on Vine Street ROCK ISLAND, ILL.