Newspaper Page Text
TIIEJAHUUS, TUESDAY, OCTOBER
,.s-3 h;m all the cats
WANTS, AND MORE TOO.
,f lil ir- "ih1 t'nntlitiomiof Resect-
ll,l rn "
, imeii Almost 1 rantic and Ap-
r . l i. i-'a '' Charles B. Lewis.
.:. vl.iil you come oop by my
,, : ,i.r iip.trnl wntfon?" excluimcil
i i.hr n. hi- rubbed into the police sta-'..(..,.r,;.-,yHinl
frtooJ pant ins before the
"Vi- ,-. matter?' calmly askeil the
. i., ;.n a : itf wipe-1 toe ink from bis
; .. .. -:v. kilieil 1" t i:ius oafer. unci I
i ,.:ie t ' t 1 1 -" 1 1 1 peoples nrresteci! I
.,. ,: .a dot uncoil u:il go onp on a
'. !!. :!. -. yon are txcitecl. riensesit
' i-ain y..-.:ri-Ii' and"
! ,-, -,r- I has oxeilcd: I vhas iu fl'er
. :, i m tuy life! I cloan' sit down tind
; a:; 1 1 h.if one t'cmsaiul loafers in
a fjiiv ... .
"Thou yem got
lalkeil to him in a soothing
., ,-i I. -.v minutes, and after awhile
. : .voSed ilown enough to wty:
Vi.i ' '''' si''. she vhas like dis. Our
... ntiout two weeks niro, und my
,; u, feel so had dot 1 like to j,'et
,j, -r 1 1 has willing to pay $1 for a line
,;. s, .nii-iii .dy says 1 shall advertise in
::;..!; i "'1 '' ' advertise clot I like a
:-;r liti.l p'l habits, und before
.V. -in Say morning; somelHHly
est lay door. I look oudt at him,
. ,; . , lo nie:
.::.i iV.vii here, Mr. DuncUr! 1 haf
,.t :!ii s,.!i, r. industrious und respectable
i;. f..r ; .'! to si led froni! Come mill take
A.l'rri ;-a;v' always pays,'' said the ser-
: a l.i- MT.Hi he.l the end oi his nose.
ntilVr pay nieapiin: Dot man
,-, Hie rats iiao my yard und goes off,
:.: ::. Ii-rfterti minutes somcliody vhas
u:: (1 i::.' a-ain. 1 bok oudt, und she vhas
:! ,r l. niir mil a tat under each arm,
v.- i i:;i:dc-r. I can positively iruarantee
: . ir.. l-ib.ts of ih-se eats, havim;
"a !:-"m iM.iin-y. It vhas .! f,,r
i : t linn-ilowii und see
away," said Mr.
d a-.'.-ii!i, "und he
y yard, calls m,. u
'..IVi-n-t.t times lie
.u:!.;i oudt of lied
t eats, und vheu 1
'-' how i.ay in
-..I ..I.. li..t ln-ru:-e
H..-.0 r t i.: i.-.vs two
- i-li. .s-.-i x
-t I haf las
:- 1 I...-I
- - ! v 11..
AHVERTISIXG ALWAYS rAVi "
yard? I iloan' recofer myself before some
body hea- es a l,nK of cats into der door und
screams c udt at me:
'"seex aits, Mr. llunder, und all vhas so
rcspectatle ash uefer vhas! Some vhas
married und some single, but all vhas der
highest s iciety:' "
"Then youV'ot a cat:-'' repeated the ser
geant. "How n donner und blitzen I pot a cat
vheu 1 v ,as ,1,-ifen oudt of my place und
almost kilt? ' yelled the victim as he point
vil la the scratches on his hands.
"Oh! I see! It is curious how manv
people r-ad the advertisements in a news
paper. suppose you ot a cat later on -''
"es, teu t'ousand of 'em more ash one
t ousam. a day! Dose loafers brought me
cats in baskets und boxes cats under deir
arms 111 d in hap cats of all colors und
sizes. Abouclt eafery fife minutes all dis
wee k a . at comes in by der door or window
und somebody yells:
" 'Hello, Mr. Dunder! Here vhas your fe
line of line fur und correct habits! If you
look ai: oufer America you cloan' find a cat
whose conduct vhas so irreproachable in all
particu ars!' "
"Seel is to me you ou-ht to have K"t the
cat you wanted out of the lot,'' mused the
"How so?" demanded Mr. Dunder as be
frallop. d around. "Can a man select some
cats b.-fore daylight? Can he select 'em
vheu di-y vhas shunipinj; uroundt und spit
ting in ddritingeafeybody oudt doors? Can
he sele.-t some cats when dey vhas on bis
back 1. ml trying to kill him? If some loafer
vhas y -llim; at you und IS cats vhas fight
ing on cH-r floor, could you do some pees-
"llu tiny are not coming yet:-"
"'f tours,: More nsh life boom-red lc
fore 1 a f: boiue. und shust ash 1 eonieoudt
lioors 1 feller unloads a barrel of cat son" an
jxpre-s wag..n uud rolls 'em intomv plai--und
" Here vhas do-e rc-espeetable cats, Mr.
Dund -r. und i vlull call dis eafnings for tier
uon.- !' "
No man can afford to liave a sick WifTof
Daugliter, nor, in such times as these,
A big Doctor bill. Zoa Phora cures
the sickness, eaves the bills.
ut the condition of yours? Is vour hair drv,
liarsh, brntis? Does it sr!it at the cnJ.s? lias it'a
..ic.css appearance? l:s it fall out vheu combed or
trushed ? is ,t fu:j cf dandruff? Does vour scalp itch ?
u dr-v or " a heated condition ? If these are some of
i our mptoms be w arnc d in time or you will Ik-come ba!d.
SkookumRoot Hair Grower
r?,')TOUi?r''i.i ',' P'Tdo"! Inotannoeldent.hntther-altof rtcntlflc 1
i.-v .,r i.. " '" ulfls-'sra me nairmna scalp led to (be discov. 1
.: I"'1? -? treattlienu . "stoojum "contains neltber ninml. nVUii. t
re folli j, ?,f 'GtoTunj .lnK and refreshing Tonic liy .timuliuni
Ji.arf' p' f"UmH '""r' curc dandruff and groat 'hair on baid 1
TTdtfiw, ll . l . .., , .
and dcttmftlZ'wrf'1'' ""i '""" tnxt. eta 'on 1
- . CB1V- c1,not surr T "Tn ""wet tn n. and we win forward
THE SIvOOKUn ROOT HAIR GROWER CO..
.'",r. pobid .mm Avenue, cw York, N. Y.
It '1 r,lk, J
Rock Island Bugy Co.
Phaetons, Surries, Buggies, Spring and Farm Wagons.
1 i-y.;iii'l.Warc Rooms ou sixteenth strict b twec-n First and Second avenue.
Retail trade especial y solicited.
WHERE DIRT GATHERS, WASTE RULES.'
GREAT SAVING RESULTS FROM THE USE OF
I Well, 111 .st:; what can be done," saiil
I 'ei-Ki-iiiit s he turned to his report.
''In a day or two."
"Serjeant ," exclaimed Mr. Dunder as be
arew himwlf up, "y0l, needn't put yoursef
oudt for me: I s!,Hll jto home! I shall kUl
one t'ousand loafers und teu t'ousand cats
wit a club before lii.uht, und vheu I vhas
arrested und handed maype you vhas
tickled oafer her! Good day, sir! Doan' be
at some troubles on my account:"
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
A lloundleiM freedom That Mutt Ite Tem
pered With (;,! Sense.
TmxcsllAVE Ciiaxokd. I'p to ii year
ago every local subsciihcr to The Kick kg
was supposed to have ci-rtaiu outside priv
ileges, such nscallinK the editor by iiisfront
name, loafing about the ollice, inviting him
to drink and borrowing small sum s of mon
ey of hiui. A special privilege wi.s that of
eett insr ili unk and whooping around town
and finally riding a cayuse up the front
steps and through the ollice, coming out by
way of the alley. Some 10 or 12 mouths
since we (.:uve notice that all the above priv
ileges wo-ild be lopped olT, and that TUB
Ku KICK would henceforth be conducted on
the lines of metropolitan journalism. The
hoys went back on us pretty hard, but we
stood firm, and they finally came to set
things as we saw them. We weretongratt
lating oui-si-U that we had the county undea
pretty goad control, when on Tuesday last
an old critter named Jake Shellbank, who
runs a rattlesnake ranch over on Plum
creek, came into town, filled up on moun
tain dew, and then attempted to gallop his
old mule through the office of the greatest
family newspaper in the I'nited States.
We stood in the door and protested. Tin
old moss-back, w ho beard of Noah's ark
the other day tor the first time, persisted,
and his hoots and yells drew a large and
excited crowd. We didn't feel justiHed iu
shooting him, but after he had exhausted
our patience we pulled him off his mule
and walloped him till he hollered like a boy
lost in the scrub. He afterward appeared
eo contrite and humble that we made ar-
iTS, , I
VTC S-TOOli IN THE Mui; AND I'KOTtSTED.
rangemenis for Vim to ride through the
Blue Mountain saloon and take a drop of
4r'.1Iitt .ff21 tb.e back door. Wc want it
distinctly understood that he is the bust
man we shall go light on. We are the last
editor who would attempt to circumscribe
the boundless freedom of the glorious west,
but that boundless freedom tntist be tem
pered with common sense. Things have
cuangeu ana are continuing to change, and
the old uiosshacks in this 1
conform to the new order of things must
uuui ior caves 111 the mountains.
We Kxetv It. Six months ago a man
came through here from Iowa, with the
outnt ot a weekly newspaper in a wagon.
He was an editor seeking a location, ami
someone had recommended the town of
Kockville. just over the ninth hue and in
Utah. We extended to him t he usual ci
vilities, and something was said about a
game of poker. He probably mentioned
the subject first, as most of our callers do,
and we probably expressed a willingness
to assist him in passing a pleasant hour.
We are aware of the fact that in some lo
calities poker is not looked upon as an ed
itorial game, but in this country it seems
to naturally attach itself to every well reg
ulated newspaper office. We soon discov
ered that our fraternal brother was a
bluffer, and in the course of a couple of
hours, much against our inclination, we
owned his old outfit, and he was a dead
broke man. Before we could make him a
present of what he had lost and warn him
to take checkers for his game he began to
squeal and tried to commit suicide. We
returned everything and gave him half a
bundle of white paper to lioot. and he went
away a happier man. We had sized him
up, however, and was confident that he
was not up to editorial caliber. He went
on to St. George, set up shop, and had he
been the right sort of man would have
achieved success. Last week his paper sus
pended, and the sheriff sold out the office
In some way the people had heard that he
was a "squealer," and they went right
back on him and rejoiced iu his ruin.
Strangers who may come this way are
warned to let our poker alone. It is a buzz
saw which is ever in motion. Should they
take a hand, however, they will beexpecteil
to stand the consequences. Kveu editorial
courtesy will not allow us to be raised out
of the game when we deal the hand and
know that our opponent has only two pairs
to our threes.
THE DIAGRAM MAN.
He I n Clot She I n and Kverytliin Waa
The moon was in her third quarter, and
as she looked down upon mountain, valley,
stream and forest there was a buttermilk
softness about things which made every
body feel gentle and reverential. For near
ly an hour De Soto Higgins and Britomarte
Jones sat in silence. Each was seated on a
stump in the front yard of her father's hum
ble cabin, with bare feet swinging to and
fro in rvthm with tli .liiiT-,i
..... .v - Willium tL
the massive glolie on which we manage to
6'" uumuie hiiu uonest living. They
had been talking- nbonr mm
r . . , ... . .... woucm,
and breakbone fever, but their voices had
Erauuany tiled away to soft whisperings
and fiuallvceased altouetli ems 1 Vl a Liftnne
of the night struck in and produced a feel
ing 01 simplicity and awe.
It was the voice of De Soto Higgins
breaking the silen.-e t lnct kk ...
pecting it and wondering why in Sam Patch
he sat there like a clam but. rf o., .v
gave a start and uttered a low scream of
surprise. A ciw uasn'ngofto co to a seiftt
. uary to catch ot,to those little things. It
1 was the first time he had ever called her by
'. her front name, and shivers of shyness shiv--ered
over her as she half realized w hat was
I coming. .
Imty. I axed mam today," he contm
jied in a choking voice as he looked away
Into the thicket w herein the opossum had
lier lair and reared heryoung.
1 o axed yo r mam, eh?" she queried as
her heart fluttered about like a wounded
"Aud what did yo' ax yo'r mam?"
"I axed my mam"
He paused and gasped and choked. She
pitied him and came to his relief with:
"X r m:im is a powerful good woman."
"Yes, and I axed her I axed"
He was overcome again. Vs old reptiles
who have been through the mill three or
four times will smile iu contempt, but it
bad that same eff ect on us the first time.
"Soty, shell I com over thar?" queried
the girl as the silence grew long and pain
ful. "If if yo dast to," he replied
A minute later she sat on the stump be
side him. It was a small stump, and he
li h.TWlih.li: !
:"it ".'I' -lW 1-.
would hn -. been a human hyena not to
have put liis arm around her to prevent a
calamity. When she had got nestled and
the' three-quarter moon had assumed her
duties, the fair Britomartelookedup at his
ear and softly queried:
"And did yo'r mam answer like my non
did?" F 1
"Did yo' ax yo'r pop?"
"And did yo'r pop say say"
"He unsaid 'yep'. And 30'r mam she said
"She un said 'yep' too:"
Old Jones and his w ife, sitting in their
cabin without a light in order to fool the
mosquitoes, were suddenly amazed at a lu
rid flash which turned night into day for
an instant and plainly revealed every knot
hole in the floor. They waited with bated
breath for the expected thunderbolt, but
it did not come. That flash was simply the
reflection of the happy grin which over
spread the faces of De Soto Higgins and
Britomarte Jones when they realized that
they were at last actually and really and
truly engaged, and he was liable for breach
of promise if he went back on her. And
old Jones got up and went to the door and
looked out to spot the situation of affairs
"Wall, he un has got she un, and she un
has got he un. ami durn thar pesky hides
but I hope they'll be fit to be limn!"'
An American Table.
One day the Hare and the Giraffe met on
one of the paths in the forest, and they had
scarcely saluted each other w hen the Hare
"I just saw the Fox taking his morning
walk, and such a tail as he carried behind
him! Dear me, but how unkind Nature
ivas to the Hares. If i had a brush like
Reynard's, I should be one of the happiest
animals irthe wiirjd."
"And get oil to thiu
plied the Giraffe. "When he has -,lt,.,l
unjil his legs are weary, he can sit down on
iOKurni iook even more graceful than
when on his feet. If I shonl.l tt,n. .n
sit down and cross my legs and smoke a 10
tern, cigar, every living thing in this forest
"Vti" k up aim nowi in ridicule."
""V es. Thiritrs are vi.rr trivt-..T ' n,...
- ' . --.v-.., llluill-
fully observed the Hare, "and I move that
we call a public meeting and see what"
At that instant there was a great com
motion at a point not f:ir awav. and it was
soon learned that the Fox had caught his
tail in a trap as he proceeded 011 his wav
Jiic.iraue was just about to remark that
the Hare would not have lu-. n , -.,i..i,f ;..
- . .... .. .i,u. 114
that trap when the man who had jut sat
uomimr a rest anil a smoke sprang up
"W hoop: By the great horn spoon, but I
imisi nave sat tiown on at least half a bush
el of 'em. and by tomorrow I won't be able
to get out of bed."
"If you had been provided with a long.
ousuy uiu iiKe tne t ox s,1 remarked the
Giraffe, "you would now be in the hands of
"And if it had lieen possible for you to sit
down on a loc " renlit ttio Tto,..
would now lie dusting for the nearest drug
store ior a remeuy lor hornet stings. That
chap hit about 15 of 'em in a bunch, and all
got mad at the same time." M. Qoad.
Castoria is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infknts
. and Children. It contaias neither Opium, Morphine nor
other Xarcotic suhstane. It is a harmless substitute
for Paregoric, Drops, Soothing; Syrups, and Castor Oil.
It is Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years', use by
Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys Worms and allays
feverishness. Castoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd,
cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves
teething troubles, cures constipation aud flatulency.
Castoria assimilates the food, regulates the stomach
and towels, giving healthy aud natural sleep. Cas
toria is the Children's Panacea the Mother's Friend.
" Castoria is an excellent medicine for chil
dren. Mothers have repeatedly told me of its
good effect upon their children."
Dr. G. C. Osgood,
, Lowell, Mass.
" Castoria is the best remedy for children of
which I em acquainted. I hope the day is not
far distant when mothers will consider the real
interest of their children, and use Castoria in
stead of the various quack nostrums which are
destroying their loved ones, by forcing opium,
morphine, soothing syrup and other hurtful
agents down their throats, thereby sending
tbem to premature graves.1'
Da. J. F. K1NCHBT.0B,
" Castoria is so well adapted to children that
I recommend it as superior to any prescription
known to me."
R. A. Archer, M. D.,
Hi So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, If. T.
" Our physicians in the children's depart
ment have spoken highly of their experi
ence in their outside practice with Castoria,
and although we only have among our
medical supplies what is known as regular
products, yet we are free to confess that th
merits of Castoria has won us to look with
favor upon it."
United Hospital ani Dispeksakt,
Allen C. Smith, Pres.,
The Centaur Company, TI Murray Street, New York City.
TEE MOLINE WAGON,
The Mine Wagon Go,
tern Parent You ninrry my daughter,
sir? Why. she would starve!
Suitor Well. sir. if you are the kind of
mail to let your daughter and her husband
starve, I don't wish to enter the family.
A Strange Coincidence.
It is a 6trauge coincidence that the
rumors that one chair nnsher at tl fair
bad captured the heart of a rich Califor
nia widow and another had eloped with
a pretty London girl visiting the fair
were circulated just before the chair
boys' strike collapsed so ignominiously.
It ra shed a Kan Twice Hii Size-
The other day a email, liarmiceK looting man
et:terc1.i2Cew York street car. ar.d accidentally
trod on the toes of a big ix-footer. He opolo-
ired. but the eix-foot- r waen"t satisfied. Ue
talked for some tiin". and finally invited the lit
tie men to U ave the car aud fettle the matter on
the Eidewaik. , Greatly to his astonishment, the
latter accepted. Those who witnessed the con
test say that it didn't last long, bat that the big
follow had to he carried home In an ambulance,
while his diminutive antagonist walked away
with a cheerful eitlle. And bs it is with Dr.
Pierce'? Pleasant Pellets. They're not calf as
big 8S most of their rivals, bat they do thctr work
iuict'y and thoroughly. For sick headache, bil
iousness, constipation, dyspepsia, etc., there is
nothing like them. They are the only liver pills
absolutely sold on trial! Your money back, if
they don't give satisft etioE !
Manufacturers ol FARM, SPRING AND FREIGHT WAGONS
A fall and complete line of Platforih and other Spring Warons, especially adapted totna
v esters trade, of superior workmanship and finish Illustrated Price List free on
application. See the MOLINK WAGON before purchasing
Heating and Ventilating Engineers,
Gas and Steam Fitting,
A complete line of Pipe, Brass Goods, Packing Hoee,
Fire Brick Etc. Largest And best equipped
establishment west of Chicago.
DAVIS biAJUJi. Molina, ni I 112, 114 West Seventeenth st.
Telephone 2053. J Telephone 1148. ;Bockuia4
Residence Telephone 1 169'
Everything in the line of spring vehicles, and; the
largest assortment of
Harness, Laprobes, Whips, Etc.
Mason's Careiage Works,
East Fourth Street. - - DAVENPORT, 10 Wa.
B. F. DeGEAR,
Contractor and Builder.
Office and Shop 225 EihteenthStreet
ROCK ISLAND, ILL.
ISrAll kinds of Carpenter work a specialty. Plans and estimate. alllkinds of building,
furnuhed on application. ""s
Carpenter and Builder,
OFFICE, NO: 2821 SIXTH AVENUE,
8hop on Vine Street ROCK ISLAND, ILL.
:-i ".- '
'T' ' . .