Newspaper Page Text
THE ARGUS, MONDAT, OCTOBER Hi. lsJ3.
TBLE AND OU OF THE
!-'-' .i.tiTrn CTiTrS.
,.s Crowded. Everybody
"tMicil, and M:mv
v. . 1
Tilt: LIMEKILN CLUB.
BROTHER GARDNER MAKES A
REMARKS ON ECONOMY.
And Call l'p Waydown ISebee, Klder
Too h. Sir Isaac Walpole and Judge Ca-
to Hear Witness Against a Crying
DR. D. D. REA,
Wir-on and Specialist
, it- I rii Ii a si'ii-n'lmi i'l "'il froiin.i
,'inir ili-i .i-''" tluu almost 1 Med
, fni.Tiii v of til--- i- iii.try. ana by the
'. V. : itiiny fnoiwU and l.U he lias 4c
At ths Harper House,
raiDAY, OCT. 27th.
. ... cvi-rv month during the
t-:iv. t-1 rein-.ii ii :i
v. u'ul tin
i f ir any nisi1
h t i" 1:1 'Sen'
i - ipcnor in
ill. I eef iiiri-
i- in imt I. 11
f.vo iiiii.u e.
Idi. k l-'i iiul ev, rv m ntii to xe-
iliral nnil sur-'icil di
C .I'irrll, M'IM- "fill
, ., . I, .i f ;in I a il-s:i via
i 1. 1 l-i '-. lixvr l a .i-
I .. i'. ill. 1 -' Villi :!. t. i.-p-
A : :t.c .a-..n-H-:
sand Hill isnl
r. .ii.Tm-f-rrliiwa -l.il impotei.e'. u
- :i . : . ; - ri Murli r I'm - in ina
i.,: i r c i . -i . Un-iii-' -.me of
, ;,.,".. i- cm --i-'ii--. I :- li . i!e
ill. v.;: e--. entil .-i -li ir i'l- as.
.,ri. . ii. t.r'i-c uifinnry anil ri'vuai
wlr.-ii in t :lu' xii'iims for luisine-s
art." ;u.iii.uiei.i!y curuii by remedies
ami r 'an
imir. v ml
v iT.urn"ati .1
ic-ciiins, ns iore throat,
m the luiue.-, etc., are
wi'taml lism mercury or
i.onnrrlioea. irleet. s.ric-
. urn-ir :imi ki.lm'v tniulilt1 r.eelt-
" 'v inn tmen: tl:a; be never failed, lie
rn i i.i-iiralili' ca'i. hut cure thoii-
.l'ii iii' to die. Iiemenibcr the
;r:v. u j riKima are
i: lit' 'i'!1.
- -; .ii-ni-i- s i'.ici'eil and ronflilential.
--lir. D. L. KEA, -2 l'auliua Street
CopyriBiit, 1G, by Cliarles B. LewU.
"I bold ycre in my blind," said Brother
OiirdiHT ut the retrulur nieetinf; of the Lime
Kilnilub the other nilit, "u letter from
Gineril Oc Soto Jones of Mississippi, who
nm a -vhite man, axin me if I hev obsarved
a tendency on le part of our people toward
econo.ny. In fact, be wants to know how
many members of lis club I kin pint to as
prncti ad economists. I shall lie obliKert to
reply bit we beven't one single member.
I)e tendency of our people nm right in de
oppos te diretkshun, and whar it am givine
to sto i no man kin tell. It has bin a source
of fioi row and disappointment to me fur a
y'aror- two past, an I fed it my dooty to
make a few remarks on de sftbjeck. Bind
der Bi bee, stnnj tip!'
Bro her Be bee bobbed up with a scared
look i l his eyes, and the president regarded
him fir a moment ovi r the top of his spectacle.-
and t In n said:
"A few eavenins iiro I met yo' in de gro
cery, io bad Inn lmyin Spanish mackerel !
and rermuda onions, an when yo' went out
de grncer axed me how many mi'Lvon dol
lars o'waswtuh. Spanish mackerel an
Berm ida onions on a salary of 8Ci a week!
Whai do yo' expect to earn! up, Brudder
-i.i- iu'.r, sab," muttered the member its
he sli fted around on bis feet.
'I hope yo has. Seems to me you's grit
sense 'inilT to see dat barfutted chill'en,
back rent, borrowed money and Spanish
mack Til c'oan' mix well together. Elder
Toots, whar' nr' vo' at?"
"II. ah, sah."
"So I see. What happened at yo'r cabin
de odder night, elder?'
"We gin a lei-tle party, sail."
"V-e-s! Vo" bud ice cream, angels' fornl,
coffee an coco. Befo' givin de party yo' had
to buy some new furniture. One of de ar
ticles yo" lioiight was a chiny spltbox dat
cost 7 cents. Yo'r income am from $7 to J'J
per WL-ek. Yo' owe two months' back rent,
yo'r pew rent am way behind an Brudder
AYatl ins am threatenin to sue yo' fur bor
rowed money. Be president of de T'nited
State - am satisfied to spit outer de kitchen
winder, but yo' must hev a chiny spitbox!
De gi v'nor of New York can't afford any
thin better dan gingerbread when he ginsa
leetle party, but yo' must set out angels'
food. :mi pass it nrounil twice! Sot down,
Kldi l Toot:-! You's got sich a goneness in
de b. ad jist at present dat yo' can't think
of any excuse. ir I-aac Walpole, will yo'
ri. up fur a tninit? 1 want de people to see
yo' in a'.l yo'rglory. JIow much did dat red
neck I ie cost?"'
"Si c bits, sjih."
"A i vo' use b ar's iie on vo'r ha'r:-''
"A l vo'r suspenders cost 50 cents a paV?"
"Y. s. sah."
"A i I am told yo wa'r a reg'lar chist
purtictor, bought at de store?"
"Y yes, sah."
"II m. lie guv'nnr of Xo'th Cariliny goes
over to wisit deguv'norof South t'ariliny
w'uri.i a 2 bit necktie, cottonseed ile on his
abend in oe worio. jura i;Ian who Has
bin outer work hilf de time fur de last
y'ar yo' am pusLin to de front powerful
fast. I ley tell me yo'r wife lias duu Ixiught
six plates on which to sane raw oysters.
As 1 passed yo'r cabin de odder day I no
ticed a doali plate on de doah. It has also
cum to my ejirs dat yo' has got n regular
fire screen in de parlor an an eight day
clock. Can't you giv de rest of us a pinter
on bow to git rich on nufliii? De guv'nor
of Texas am glad 'nuiT to git a one day
clock, but yo' feel oblceged to go him selien
better. De king of Portugal eats bis oysters
oft a pie tin, but dat hain't style 'miff fur
yo'! Sot down, Jedge Cahoots. We can't
offer yo' no silk upholstered cha'r, but
mebbe yo' kin stand it fur a few minutes.
Daram a score of others heah who could le
called down in de same fashion, but it
would be time frown away. De fact am,
we is follerin in de futsteps of de white
race. If we hain't got no sense, we ain't to
blame fur it. Seben outer ebery ten white
men in dis kentry am dodgin creditors. Seb
entcen outer ebery twenty am libin lieyand
der incomes. De man who owes do most
giuerally dresses de best. De wife of a man
uirnin f 12 a week has mo' diamonds dan de
one airnin $50. Fo'-li fths of de people givin
swell parties am under mortgage. Half of
de furniture which goes out o' de stores
am brought back unpaid fur. While dese
things grieve me, as -I said befo', I hev no
fault to liud will yo'. We has bin bruns?
up to believe de white man knows it nil.
We hev felt it a privilege to imitate him.
We's got in de habit an can't stop, and be
must not turn on us an bold us responsible
dat we rct'ect his vices as well as bis var-chews."
agricultural and marine ediCors to carry
our mortal remains home in a blanket.
Those remains are now just a' ' to sit up
and draw a long breath at wide intervals.
Tli y are not saying anything, but at the
Kiaii! time doing a heap of thinking. We
expect them to ultimately recover, and we
have hoies that the sad experience will
prove a moral lesson never to be forgotten
while life shall last. We are now perfectly
satisfied that we tried to jump this town
l'X) years too soon, and that the babe of to
day won't live long enough to see our peo
ple take kindly to yellow kids and a blue
THE COINCIDENCE GOT LOOSE.
and how to attain it.
.-' a ;; e w.irl; that tells the causes,
..- r i. :tJ. p-ours :tie remedy. This
- ... i.ie am: v.Unub'.u, artistically
. l. iiu.f:. inejic.il lunik that ha? ap
.: . f r -. ir-; '.r pa-j- every pae bearing
::v Ll!:i-Trati-n In tint-. Some of tuo
'.-trv.iri il are Nerv.ius Debility, Impo
:uiy. Divclopemont, Varicocele,
T:. ii i, Thosj mteuiliiis Marriage, etc.
E..:y a. n rh ) would know tlie'i-rind truth?,
. , .....i. tx.it. the old secrets, anil thejnew
.- ..ri -i f medical sc once as applied to
tia-":..i'. life. lw wonli atone tor past follies
a- !fi-ure pitfalls, should write for this
'i'.:.:erf :'. Hf.ie book. It will bo sent free,
:...:!. i.. A idres? the publishers.
Erie Meilira! Co.. Buffalo. N. Y.
"DE ( KOCER AXED ME HOW MANT MILLTON
HOLLA1IS VO' WAS VI TH."
h'ar in his trousers held up by a piece of
rope. Y'ou's pot to be a great man, Sir
Isaac a werry great man! How do yo'
manage to do all dis on an income of $6 or
f" a week?"
Sir Isaac's legs liegan to wobble about,
and 1 e satdown. Judge Cahoots just then
made a sneak for the door, but the presi
dent stopjied him with:
"Excuse me, Jedge, dat I didn't see yo'
befo'. I wish to congratulate yo' on gettin
No man can afford to L;ive a sick "Wife or
Daughter, nor, in such times as these,
A Lig Doctor bill. Zoa Phora cures
the sickness, eaves the bills.
What is the condition of yours? Is your hair dry, j
harsh, brittle? Does it split at the ends? Has it a C
lifeless appearance? Does it fali out when combed or .
brushed ? Is it full of dandruff? Does your scalp itch t
Is it dry or in a heated condition ? If these are some of jr
your symptoms be warned in time or you will become bald.
SkookumRoot Hair Grower
' "iitTOU !. It production is ""SiwivaXbn dico-
n-mircn. KliowieilKe Ol iiib nunuisi "',"" roiTiiT minArlii nor oils. It -T
erv r liowtotrcat them. "Skooku n " contalng neitlierm nera" jhin,:
I - not a Iye. but a delightfully coolii (? and retreshiiig Joni- C
t.ia foliieiti ii iIkik (iiiiiu Auir. curt dundruir and growt Aoir on uwa
Jeep tho calo clean, beatt hr. and free from 1'?2JEJ
t!ie uso of
orMn.,'.'!. ftn rtptor price Oiov. cr. pr buttle ; 6 Xur to-p,
1HE SKOOKUH ROOT HAIR GROWER CO., -:
5 Month Fifth Avenue, ftcw lorB, n. . ..
THE KING." THEN
:is THAN ROYALTY ITSELF.
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
A Mad I'nMiuniasiu That Hail to II
AN Kxt ITlNii Kl'lsniii-:. Four weeks ago
Till: KlcKl.i: indulged iri half a column of
enthusiasm rver our success in introducing
a pair of fii russet shoes to the population
of this town. In the same an icle it was
also announced that one of our leading sa
loons had successfully introduced the straw
ns a medium of conveying the mint julep
f rom a swelling tumbler to the spot where
it would do the most good. We felt to re
joice over these evideiies that civilization
had ;U last hit uswiUia I1.1.14 anilthi.t
tne distance lietwecn us ami Mew iorlt
Lad suddenly been decreased by 500 miles.
We are an impetuous, impatient reptile.
When we strike a good thing, we are prone
to increase our gait to a gallop and git t har
some more. Our success with the shoes
made us a Utile, giddy. We didn't stop to
reflect that Kiig'.and sturdily refused to
recognize the pot.no for 7 1 years after it
was known to be a good thing and that
New Knghmd got up and shi-d the blood of
the man who substituted a pump for the
old oaken bucket. In our l.i.id enthusiasm
to rush the twentieth century into this
town over the dyh.i; remains of the nine
teenth wc sent another order i'iit.. The
goods arrived on Tuesday. Tiiey consisted
of a pair of eyeglasses, a pair of yellow kid
gloves, a blue necktie and a white silk
handkerchief. The whole town had turned
out to see the jumping match on Cochise
place, and we decided to astonish some
body. While we were dressing ourself in
the bachelor boudoir attached to our office
the agricultural editor, the marine editor
tuid the foreman came in by turns and la-
Au Innocent Ventriloiinist Who Made the
Mistake of Hi Life.
Among those on the platform of the de
pot waiting for the train was a ventrilo
quist with his machine. Some one asked
him to exhibit his powers, and sitting down
on a trunk, with hisdummy ou his knee, he
WE WEKE ASS ENOt'fiH TO TIIIXE. WE LOOKED
bored with us. They tried to convince us
that it was 20 years too soon and that we
would be swept from the face of the earth
as the beetle is carried by the hurricane,
but, conceited critter that wc were, we ar
rayed ourself and went forth. AVe stuck
those eyeglasses on the bridge of our Ro
man nose. We got our editorial paws into
those yellow kids. Around our poetic neck
we tied that sky blue thinguumbob. In
our breast pocket we stuck that soft,
soothing nasal wiper, and when we posed
before the mirror we were ass enough to
think we looked purty and would carry the
town by storm. We might as well go the
whole hog and own up that we patted our
self on the back and planned a little speech
to get off while leing carried around on the
shoulders of the applauding mult itude.
When all was ready, we stepiied forth.
Xot 20 feet from the door of The Kicker
office we met old I5ill Yheeler. He jumped
eight feet into the gutter and uttered a
wild yell. We were idiot enough to take it
as a compliment. At the corner of Apache
avenue we encountered Colonel Fox. He
was drunk, as usual, but not so far gone
that heconldn't realize that something had
busted. In his efforts to get away he fell
down and broke his arm, and of course we
shall have his doctor bill to pay. Half a
block farther down we met Mrs. Major
O'Donnell, who uttered one long, lingering
yell and collapsed in her tracks. With that
assinine persistency which some folks call
pluck we pursued our way to Cochise
place, fondly flattering ourself that we
were walkiug arm in arm with the God
dess of Liberty. A dog fight and a jump
ing match were in progress, and it was a
couple of minutes before the crowd got on
to us. The first man to yell was Steve
Henderson, who has discovered more pre
historic remains than any other man in
Arizona. He thought he had struck a relio
of the drift period, as he has since informed
us. In about 30 movements of a mule's
tail in fly time we had that crowd of 800
eminent citizens piling onto us, and what
subsequently took place is like a dream to
us. We think we vere shimmed against
walls and billboards until limp and hum
bled. We judge that we were tossed in a
blanket until we felt at home half a mile
above ground. We have a shadowy recol
lection of being carried around on a pole
without any saddle blanket, and of hearing
hundreds of faraway voices crying out,
"Durn the critter, but let's bury him in his
own private graveyard!"
When we came to, the shadows of night
had fallen, and we were lying on our own
cot. After the crowd had played with us
foracouDh of hours they permitted pur
I i i:UjtyJLi,;
1 fi l ilf
1 ,1 "rSia-il .
' ; 1 i
"El JOSH HAYSEED All' A-CuMIX."
was soon entertaining the crowd. Almost
in front of him and about 10 feet away was
a tall, rawbonedcbap.wbo was seriously in
terested from the start. The ventriloquist
perhsps did not see this man at all when he
"Now, then, little man, can you tell me
where Jusii Hayseed is?"
"He is right here." replied the manikin,
"lias he got his ftoule of buttermllli with
"Whcv is be coing!-"
"lie is a.:rigdown to York to ask his sis
ter Sally if it is time to make soft soap and
Tins had gone thus far when the rawboned
man gut up off the b i'age triiitk and ad
vanced up. .11 the ventriloquist arid said:
"I.onk 11 lu re, si ranker, if you are achin
fur a row you couldn't In v cum to a better
place to git one."
What s the mutter witn vou? was
"The matter is tLat no human hyena kin
pitch into me slam bang like you hev and
not git hurt!"
"Why.l haven't pitched into vou!"
"Yas, you hex ! That's xvhat all the boys
call me Josh Havseed. I am here. Here's
my bottle of buttermilk, and I'm goin
down to York to see my sister Sally. I
hain't goin to ask her atiout soft soap and
sunfloxvers, but I want her opinytin about
killm worms on apple trees and payin
for a well pump. Stranger, I don't allow
no livin man to make fun of me xxithout
''Why, my dear man, you are mistaken
entirely mistaken," protested the ventrilo
quist. "I was simply entertaining the peo
ple and had 110 thought"
"Git ready!" shouted the raxvboncd man
ns he leaped up and cracked his heels to-
"Hut, my dear sir, I tell you"
"Git rea.ly. 1 say!" yelled t be raxx boned
man as be stint ou his hands and xvaved his
arms about. - --v-
Gentleiuen. said Hie ventriloquist as
be turned toward the croxvd'I appeal to
you if I have said anyt niti-t at which this
person could take"
"I'ur Jo-!i i I ::y ee,l ar' a-comiti." xvhooped
the raxvhone;! ni.ta -is he jumped a f -tot high
ai d came ;!.. n with a great jar.
Then he grabbed that manikin and
pounded his head oft on the platform and
kicked his lifeless body sky high, and then
he seized the 1 rotest ing x cut riloquist aud
raised him 011 hii,!i and pitched liini t h rough
an open wind iw and knocked I he telegraph
operator :T his stool. A dozen of us grablied
him and tried to calm him down, "but it
was 10 minutes before he grew quiet. Then
some one said it xvas simply a coincidence,
and lie growlir.gly replied:
"Waal, inelibe you ar' right, but you kin
see fur yourselves that when a feller has
got a coincidence he ought to be 'tarnal
keerful how be lets the blamed thing loose
in a crowd to make fun o' strangers. "
! ust ing a Man.
About half way up the Cumberland
mountains I came upon a man seated on
the rwk by t he roadside. His hat had fall
en off, his tun lay on the ground beside
him and he had such n forlorn and sorrow
ful look that 1 at once inquired if he xvas ill.
"No, not iil, but shattered all to flinders,"
he solemnly replied as he looked up the
"Then you have had a fall from a tree?"
"No, not exactly from a tree, stranger,
but I've bin busted all to squash just the
"How did you happen to fall?"
"I didn't exactly fall. I hain't had no
hones broke nor anything of that sort, but
it's a shock to my ystem which I shall nev
er get over. Durn my hide, but I shall nev
er be no mo' good in this xx-orld again!"
"Can 1 lie oi any help to you?" I asked as
I sat down near him.
"Skassly. stranger, skassly, though if yo'
hev any plug terbacker I might be iudooced
to take a chaw."
I had some, and when he had been "in
dooced" he continued:
"A mile up the road yo'll cum to the Wid
der David's place widder with 30 acres and
fo' children; also a widder with two mewls
and a cow; also the homeliest, pokeyist,
lantern jawed, lopsidedest female on this
"But you loved her?" I ventured to ask.
"I did, stranger, I did!" he earnestly re
plied. "That's what ails me luv fur that
widder.' Fur two y'ars I've bin luvin and
courtin her. This ruawnin I dropped in
thar and axed her to marry me, and in txvo
tninits I was a busted man."
"Who busted you?"
"The widder herself, and she didn't hev
to say a word to do it. When I got through
axin her. she jest topk me to the door, p'int
ed to fix-e acres of co'n which had never bin
hoed aud made moshuns fur me to go to
"But you didn't pick up the hoe?"
"Skassly, stranger, skassly. I xvasbo'na
gentleman, I hev lived like a gentleman,
and durn my hide if I'd forgit my posishun
in society to marry fo'ty widders with fo'ty
spaas of mewls!" M. QUAD.
Airs. Biouut, tne ex-minister's wife, says
that some of the native women she met in
Honolulu were as cultivated aud refined
as an.v women she ever saw.
Castoria is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infants
and Children. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor
other Xarcotic substance. It is a harmless substitute
for Paregoric, Drops, Soothior Syrups, and Castor Oil.
It is Pleasant. Its guarantee is tliirty years' use by
Blillions of Mothers. Castoria destroys AVorms and allays
fevcrishness. Castoria prevents vomiting Sour Curd,
cures Diarrhoea and AYind Colic. Castoria relieves
teething troubles, cures constipation aud flatulency.
Castoria assimilates tho food, regulates the stomach
and rjosvcls, giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas
toria is tho Children's Panacea tho Mother's Friend.
"Castoria is an excellent medicine for chil
dren. Mothers have repeatedly told me oi its
good effect upon their children."
Da. G. C. Osgood,
Castoria is the best remedy for children of
which I cm acquainted. I hope the day is not
far distant when mothers will consider the real
interest of their children, and use Castoria in
stead of the various quack nostrums which are
destroying their loved ones, by forcing opium,
morphine, soothing syrup and other hurtful
agents down their throats, thereby sending
them to premature graves."
Da. J. F. Kincbe:)!,
" Castoria is so well adapted to children that
I recommend it as superior to any prescription
known to me."
II. A. Archer, M. D.,
Hi So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, 27. T.
" Our physicians in the children's depart
ment have spoken highly of their experi
ence in their outside practice with Castoria,
and although we only have among our
medical supplies what is known as regular
products, yet we are free to confess that tiia
merits of Castoria has won us to look with
favor upon it."
United Hospital ani Dispensary,
Aixzs C. Smith, Pres.,
The Centaur Company, 17 Mnn ay Street, New York City.
THE MOLINE WAGON,
The Moline Wagon. Co.
Manufacturers ol FARM, SPRING AND FREIGHT WAGONS
a fall and complete line of Platform and other Spring Waeons, eepeeiany adapted to tne
JVemem trade, ol enperior workmanehlp and fin Inn illustrated Price List free on
Pl-lication. See the MOLINB WAQON before ourchaeing.
Heating and Ventilating Engineers,
Gas and Steam Fitting,
A complete line ot Pipe, Brass Goods, PackiDg Hose,
Fire Brick Etc. Largest And best equipped
establishment west of Chicago.
DAVIS BlAMy-iS. Molina, HI
112. 114 West Seventeenth trt.
Telephone 1148. EockUlar
Residence Teleohone 1 169
Everything in the line of spring vehicles, and the
largest assortment of
Harness, Laprobes, Whips, Etc.
Mason's Carriage Works,
East Fourth Street. - - DAVENPORT, IOWA.
B. F. DeGEAR,
Contractor and Builder.
Office and Shop 225 EishteenthcStrcet
ROCK ISLAND, ILL. ,
"All kinds of Carpenter work a specialty. Plane and estimateaor alljkinds of buildings
Carpenter and Builder,
8hop on Vine Street BOCK ISLAND, ILL.