Newspaper Page Text
------ -4 . a j r. M. I ii 1 1 i Y A
he "Father of Diseases."
insect 17 -'-"i,iv
-Lvtu rully accompanied with
U OF APPETITE,
BAD BREATH, Etc.
... t.0nstipation successfully
A PEllTICKLEtt 51 AX.
UNCLE JIM WARNER HAD HIS IDEAS
AE OUT A FUNERAL.
i. d rnili laxative and a tonic to
. ;; .-stivn organs. taking
... ...3 Liver Regulator you
digestion, Iriiig on a reg-,-
hul'it of Kly end prevent
v.ruo;3 and Indigestion.
.rrrlv tiitrewd with ConMipa-
-hinp. h-llowe'l "n ricriMK
"i tM t ' Simmons l.iver Kepularot
Y entirely crhivcd, framing trrnglb
-V b. LuarxK. Ifclaware, Ohio.
K..n in ml on wrapucs
.. our jh CO.. .l.iladdplita, I1-
. it -
md Ear Specialist
i.p.ri-'W of ih
a ,1 i-:r InSrnmrv.
:!u;rdav and Friday,
n ' a l on:h.
in tin' first case
Kvc- l ha: .imtlvs KliF.K of
IK I Wi
.,(. 1: i- rr":.T. .. o-.lt TiX) ittii'n'i- In
m ami Kr, ,'j"'". ai.-i ov.t 1(W In eud avout
i'.i s:i !r:i: i.R fn on flr-n trip.
.ll'i i (
rvji:;r..' or film
!, :ir, w- In!
Tuir.r:. : :r o- nu: '
li'lSS nr i-iliL'iNT EYES hi
"'n f wo minutes.
tvor tile i ycr one mimrc.
: li.I- anil wild hairs, etc..
1 1. i. lirvm.,' it,
:I!',-ir- I. ihj t- n:
caifc removed ic two
intvc o;cr:it:nn- I terfirm,
a: ii nr? i in "i hime wi.h-
He W as T lllnCo Die, but lie Wanted to
Be Treats I Well and la Good Style; Oth
erwise H Proposed to Ue Right On.
A Qnestloa of Pride.
ICopjTiBht, m, by Charles B. Lewis.
Uiiple Jin Warner had been poorly all
winter, and when spring enmo wc atStraw
lierry hill saw that his days were numbered.
He had al vays show n himself to be kind
hearted ami oblijcinc, and evervbodv felt.
sorry at the idea of his living his bones in
that desolate spot. One day he sent for the
three of us actinias trustees of theeamp.
Ve knew t hat he wanted to communicate
his last wis les and give directions as to his
burial, and our hearts were sad as we as
sembled in his shanty. The poor old man
was evidently pnttint; in his last day, and
JudKe Wat -.ins wiped tears from his eyes
as he said:
"Uncle J m, you have the sympathy of
every man n camp, and we shall never for
"The bnvs all sympathize, do they:-"
queried the old man.
"What sort of a funeral are thev figferin
"As immense as w e kin make it. Every
body here uill turn out, of course, and per
haps we ll invite the fellers at Shiftless
Bend to help whoop 'er up."
"That will be nice. Got the t-rave lo
"No. We thought you mifht like to nick
"I sorter think I w ill. How about the
"Waal, Uncle Jim, you know that we
can't git h.. Id of a reg lar coffin out here,
but we'll cio the liest we kin."
"But I've got to hev a reg lar one," pro
tested Uncle Jim. "I've bin thinkin it all
over and made up my mind to a ree'lar
coffin, a p irty good suit o' clothes and a
sort o' doo -plate with my name on it."
"But look here, I'ucle.Iim. how we goin
to git a re'lar cofliu over here from Sacra
mento?" "Dunno. but it's got to be done. I don't
propose t lie buried in no wood box.
'Twouldn't lie right by my relashuns, you
know, and I'm sartin 1 wouldn't feel a" bit
"But consider the snrcumstances. Uncle
Jim." pro ested the judge as he grew anx-iou-.
"It's a trip of "leven days over and
"Can't lleip it if it takes 30 days.
"And 't lin't a bit likely we "kin find no
lirfirplate over tliar neither."
"i c.uM got to," dogcedly replied Uncle
Jim. "I '-e alius hail a hard time of it
K1!Y(,IXNE ffor P.lm over the
. I'l'ii.::,!-- of i iinioa, hliii'tue!s weak.
7 ' 'raiiuUi nl h.i-, etirnnte red sore
a ;lmir-. i ntronuni nr turnins in of eve
ot laciiryni.il duet, (tear dnrti. tu-
''. eVerpatHin of eye bull. All nur--.'i
: i-o- oi fin evo and its nerves.
A'l Tl. AM) ClIliOMC NASAI. CATARRH
- :.- fi rrnn cur. il p. rmanently. O.ama.
-rr tarnors., h.e.vkini and spitting, cularjred
" ' -r'" f voice, granulated fore throat,
DEArWEi-s-l r.ir. euro 60 per rent of tbee.
(.an t !1 in live minute it curable. I
v " in nnv treatment .
Mrrilll'rEA"'Ci"";"rC eVC"5r c-c-
1. .'. LABS-1 can cure in every case
HKOV inns AND LUXU TKOLULE enred
'lrrtl rar. be cared.
"no ccffin Axn noor. tlatk, xo die!"
alive, and when I'm dead I want to take
some leeile com fort, if you fellers are so
sorry as ; ou purtend to be. you won't Ik--grudge
ii if these thing-;."
"We t light git a swaller tailed coat of
somelHHl.-. but as to t'other thing-. I'm
a feared ve can't promie. We've got. some
bcwtiful cedar lioanK over"
"Can't doit, boy-.: Can't possibly do ill"
interrup' ed Uncle Jim. "I'm goin off in
style or t ot at all.'"
"But on don't to fur to say you won't
die onlc-i you Utn ln'V all them things?"
"That's exactly it! No coffin and door
plate, no die!"
"But je'Il hev to. Uncle Jim."
"Not I y a dumed siirht! I'm williu you
boys should run the funeral, but I'm ruu
nin the t yin bizness myself and don't want
I any interference!"
"JIain t you a Jeetle .perticklcr. Uncle
No man can afford to tjuv e a sick "Wife or
Daughter, nor, iu such times as these,
A Lig Doctor bilL Zoa Phora curea
the gicknees, eaves the bills.
V!:at Is the condition of vours? Is vour hair dry,
harsh, briltle? Does it split at the cuds? lias it aj,
lifeless Appearance? Oocs it fall out when combed or B
bru.shed ? Is it fuJI of dand-uff ? Docs your scalp itch ? J
Is it drv or in a heated condition ? It these are some of
j cur sy mjitoms be w arned in time or you viil become balJ. J.
Skookum Root Hair Grower 5
l what ron need. Its prMuctir.ii is no- an accident, font the T!?!to;1!rin.
r. -e.ir--li. K nowiedwe the ii-eaoor tue ua.r ana scai J- "i i 1
en i.rin.w to treat tiiem. Hkknm ' c"ni.iUi neither minerals norciiis. it
I- not a I)ve. but ailnliclitfully coolins and refreslilna louic. Hy stlmuiaxinir B
the tolliclj. it ttui julima ".uic. ci rca dandruff and uroKt Aoirooa
l"-ai. ... a"
. t if ITeer. tb sealn etonn. heaifliv. and free tiran in-itnnnir rni iu'. ' J
t.l llw ..f ., lr ..- lr.i Tiui-iuilio itoKCU. K'tUVt JlXit V mm
wtw "rrii itif tiatr.
Jf yoii"r''itr.'itfc"tronnot surrlr yoti F-nrl direct to ns and USTSI?
ell r.T-ipc ot )'l KV.
t tut ti.00. toap.
Oiuwer. ..lki ix.-r boi;ie
TH2 SK00KU.1 ROOT HAIR GROWLK CU., p
37 fontu Fifth A venae, New York, N. 1
A FAIR FACE MAY PROVE A FOUL BAR
MARRY A PLAIN GIRL IFSHE USES
Jim jest a iceue mite loo pemcKier nnoer
"No! A feller don't die every day iu the
week, aitd w hen he does go off he orter hev
some privileges. I want a large, roomj
coffin and a big doorplate, and come to
think of it I want a clean white shirt and a
pa'r o' new socks."
"Uncle Jim," said the judge after we Iwd
gazed in horror at each other for along
minute, "we luvs ye. . We sorrow fur ye.
Our hearts melt es we realize that we hev
got to plant ye out here by the side of Roar
iu river, but ye ar ask in too much of this,
crowd. We ar willin to go as fur as we'
"A reg'lar coffin?" queried Uncle Jim.
"Can't do it, though we'd like to."
"A big doorplate?"
"Can't promise no doorplate."
"Xo white shirt or socks?"
"Hardly, Uncle Jim, though you know
that our hearts ar breakin with sorrow,
and that every critter"
"Then I dou't die!" grow led the old man.
"You fellers git out o' this and go 'long!"
We got out and held a council and
agreed to do all we could, but we had noth
ing to do. The next day Uncle Jim was
better, and inside of a week he was helping
his partner on the claim. Why he didn't
die we never could figure out, but he just
didn't, and in t he fall, when he left us to
go to Turk y Creek, he was too fat to feel
comfortable. The subject of his demands
was never mentioned but once. Then he
turned on the man who threw it up to him
"That's why I'm goin down to Turkey
Creek. When them fellersdown thar loves
anybody and ar breakiu their hearts with
sorrow, they not only git all the things he
wants, but hev a reg'lar gravestone all
ready a week ahead o' time!""
He Knew the
THE ARIZONA KICKER.
DiatiiicuiAhetl Fditnr Received a
The other day, when it was rumored
around town that the governor of New
Mexico would stopiu this town fora couple
of hours as he passed through on his way to
Prescott, a score of our most eminent citi
zens made a rush for TiiK Kh kKi: office to
ascertain what we were goitm to do about
it. They instinctively realized that as the
editor ami proprietor of a great family news
paper, to which is attached a grocery, meat
market, harness shop, ioot and shoe store,
feed storeandgunshop. and as mayc r of the
town aud an honored mendier of the terri
torial counul the duty of entertaining the
distinguish 1 stranger would fall upon our
shoulders. Kach citizen wa- a-kitii: him
self if we were the critter to fiil the tapiu.d
cover this community with a mantle i-f
glory. They came by twos and threes. 'II. iy
looked palefaced and worried. To t', ir
great surprise and (.lad relief thev f.onni -s
calm and smiling. We sat iib o :r f-t-i .1
the editorial table humming " A ' ; t t,e
Ball" as placidly a if no coi.v.il-.;- 1
t lire was due that afn-rtioou. Wm-u ,-i;r
fellow townsmen were assured thai cl,..d
Trials r the
Near the Village.
Nearly every villa.cre has its philoso
pher, ofttimes in humble guise, whose
chief business is to observe the ways
of the world and duly moralize there
on. Such a rhilosopher held forth
in the corner grocery the other even
ing to a small crowd of listeners.
"There are lots of f armers,"he be'jan,
"who think they can turn everything
they touch into gold, if they can only
locate near some village where there's
business going on. Well now let me
tell you that on an average there
never was a bigger mistake in the
world. You look around the outskirts
of any large village or city in the
state and see if what I tell you isn't
" oull find some good farmers liv
ing close to the towns, but you'll fi nd
a heap more of men that farm a little,
keep shop a little, work out carpen
tering or in the factory a little, and
sit round a good deal and don't amount
in the end to much of anything any
way. I've known lots of 'cm of just
that sort. If they had farms too far
from town to loaf ih the stores and to
catch up so many 'jobs' as they call
'cm, they'd attend str'ctly to business
and run the farm to make a dollar out
of it. But this 'edge of the village'
L business spoils them."
"Let's see, Uncle Sam," rejoined a
long face listener, "you talk pretty
well, but where is your farm located?"
"Oh, in the 'edge of th.3 village,' of
course. It has spoiled me as well as
the rest of 'em, and that's what set
me to preachin' about it."
On ;eneral Sherman.
I heard a rather good story on General
Sherman the other day. It occurred away
back in 1S4 while he was on the Pacific
coast with the title of captain. For some
reason or other his men took a violent dis
like to hint, and after standing it as long as
they thought they could they prepared a
petition requesting him to resign. The pa
per contained the signatures of all hut five
of his company and was handed to him by
a com mitt-- of three. When it was pre
sciiled. CaptAin Sherman glanced over it and
"ibis eve.y man si'm 1 this'-"
"All but live." replied the spokesman
"All lint five--"
"1 Ia n w ill Mm kindly convey my thanks
to those live iii.d s:iv that I have decided to
remain uitji I lien.:-' Pit tsburg Dispatch.
fchakcti hands with three different
t . ' j 1 l
1 ' . ' 1 , A
TIIF.V LOOROi r.U.KFAf'F.P AXI) WORTSIEP.
dents, smoked a cigar with n dictator, eaten
dinner with a governor and played poker
with a supreme court judge, they rose np
and howled for joy. There was no longer
any fear that we wouldn't do the right thing
iu the right place.
His excellency arrived by stage at 2
o'clock Tuesday uftcrnoon. There was a
crowd of 2,000 people in the streets to wel
come, him. We stepped forward as the
great man descended and extended the
freedom of the town. Our little speech was
only 30 seconds long. There were two rea
sons for this. We knew the governor was
weary, and we felt sure that if we held him
in that crowd over a minute some of the
lioys would liegin to ache to shoot at his
stand up collar. His reply was neat and
graceful, and if he had only worn a red
shirt and dropped in a few cuss words the
crowd would have carried him on their
bboulders in triumph.
We ate dinner w ith his excellency at his
own request. Such of our fellow citizens as
expected to see us eat with our knife, drink
out of our saucer or lick our plate were
doomed to disappointment. If we made
any mistake, it was in picking up the leg of
a jack rabbit and gnawing the meat off,
but the governor did the same thing. After
the banquet Dan Kiardon, our popular un
dertaker, brought around the hack which
always leads a funeral procession, and the
distinguished visitor and ottrself drove
about the town. We could not help but
admire his candor. He thought it a poor
location for a town and found nothing pic
turesque or romantic. Indeed he was
frank enough to say that if he was mayor
of the town he'd put the streets in better
shape or bust a lung. We silently accepted
the reproof, realizing that he didn't know
our crowd and hadn't lieen told that our
road fund for a year amounted toonlyflU
and an old revolver. We saved our private
graveyard for the last sight, and we must,
confess to our disappointment that it pro
duced little or no effect on the governor.
Nature not only made it a romantic spot,
but we have planted 11 men there and spent
upward of siK(to beautify it.
We expected our visitor to get out of the
carriage and stroll around the sacred spot
with us, but, he merely glanced about and
observed that editorial private graveyards
were so numerous in New-Mexico that no
one gave them any attention. He must
have been thinking of mule and cattle
ranches. Without the slightest disrespect
to him we hereby offer a reward of $500 to
any person who can locate one single pri
vate graveyard in that, country. They don't
have 'em and can't start 'em. We arc per
sonally acquainted with 20 editors in .New
Mexico and vi!livager 100 to $10 that not
one of them catf put a bullet into a mule
tied to a post 50 feet away.
His excellency left shortly after 4 o'clock,
expressing himself well pleased on the
whole, lie was repeatedly called upon to
speak, but w as wise enough to refuse. Any
subject he could have touched upon would
have riled somebody and resulted in him
being called a liar. After his departure a
committee of citizens called atTnE Kicker
oflice and presented us with an assortment
of thanks for the way we did it, and we
took ad vautr.ge of t he occasion to somewhat
increase our subscription list.
The word "reverend"' occurs but once
in the Bible, which ia in the ninth verse
of the eleventh psalm.
iae:iy .f registrar of
i:al quest 11,11 to the
A Sscitt 111
The lliavor. ih Lis ea
man iatres, put t iie u-
"Jules Kspr:t Hauler, do yo
ttike Mile. V.ci otitic Ku'enie I
present, to he your wedded will ; "
A lone silence. Then suddenly, as if
awakening from dream, the yountrman
"Beg pardon, yo;;r worshri, were you
speaking to me?" St. Louis ( . h.le-I)emo-crat
A l'ren-r Nmih...
First Chuck li-heail-Oh, I s.,v. why is it
that whenever WuppU-s is r: lei ied to you
always speak of h:m as "a 1 1 tend indeed?"
Second Chuckli head Because he's al
ways in need. llrooklvn Life.
one t he ot her 1
In 1 !u ours,- til I tents.
-Bow tide say- he has a horse for
'ii; 11. is.
A ( lHI fM I Mt 1 bought.
"A fvw - mill, : years hence tl.e sun will
give out no more heat."
"Well, most of us won't lie iu need ef
Sam Do you mean to say Miss Fay has
Tom Exactly so.
Sam (surprised What kind of a girl is
Tom (sadly . Unkind. Detroit Free
' Who hath r.o' owu'd wi:h raptn:e-r mitten frame
The power of ?r.ire, the ma; c of a n me? "
akp Campbell, ihe poet, in his PIckcu c or
Hope." Pleasures of Hope, forsooth. Mai y and
many a woman knows tbera no longer. They arc
in despair aliout tbalr healih. They are rnn
down, debilitv'ed, siiffcrii f from what they know
not. It may be dys; ep-ia. heart disease, iivcr or
kidney disease; any orall nfthcm. The tick
nessisof women arecurtd by Dr. Picrct.'e Fa
Varltc Prcfcrij tion. Ihnts where the magic of
a name oorres In. This improves digettion, in
vigorf tea the system, enriches the blood. d;sjels
a hes ar.d pains, produces refreshing s'eep. dis
pe's ncrvou'tiesj and melat choly, and builds up
bohthefl'sh and sltenjrth of thcs reduced be
low a hcalihy s'anda d. It is a legitimate medi
cine, rot a beverage. Contains no alcohol 10 ine
briate: ' 0 supir or syrup to sour in the s'omaeh
and cause dis'res. It is in jecnliar in Its com
posl'ion as il is m melons in ps remidial remits.
is and will ever he the
Gout, Influenza. Backache,
Pains in the Side. Chest and
Joints, Neuralgia, Sprains, &c
jietore you need to buy, obtain
tr FREE OF CHARGE -C
the valuable boois "Guide to Health,"with
endorsements ot prominent puynioiana.
11 Itf avauM a.- A
mm mm L
NEW YORK.li ti
Prize Medals Awarded !
European Houses: Endolstadt, London,
v leuua, Prague laovceraam, vues.
Kuremberg. Konetein, Le:pic
25 & 50 Cts. a bottle, For Sale by
ECSST VOS tCIIEIT:
Castoria is Dr. Samuel Pitcher's prescription for Infants
and Children. It contains neither Opium, Morphine nor
other Narcotic substance It is a' harmless substitute
for Paregoric, Drops, Soothing Syrups and Castor Oil.
It is Pleasant. Its guarantee is thirty years' use by
Millions of Mothers. Castoria destroys "Worms and allays
fcrerishness. Castoria prevents .vomiting' Sour Curd,
cures Diarrhoea and Wind Colic. Castoria relieves
teething1 troubles, cures constipation and flatulency.
Castoria assimilates the food, regulates the stomach
and bowels, giving healthy and natural sleep. Cas
toria is the Children's Panacea the Mother's Friend.
Castoria Is an excellent medicine for chil
dren. Mothers hare repeatedly told me of its
good effect upon their children.'
Dr. G. C Osgood,
Castoria is the best remedy for children of
which I em acquainted. I hope the day is not
far distant when mother! will consider the real
interest of their children, and use Castoria in
ttead of the various quack nostrums which are
destroying their loved ones, by forcing opium,
morphine, soothing syrup and other hurtful
agents down their throats, thereby sending
them to premature graves.'
Da. J. F. Kikcbetioe,
" Castoria is so well adapted to children t
I recommend it as superior to any pieaulptica)
known to dk,"
H. A. Arcsir, M. D..
Hi So. Oxford St., Brooklyn, IT. T.
" Our physicians in the children's depart
ment have spoken highly of tbeir experi
ence in their outside practice with Castoria,
and although we only hare among our
medical supplies what is known as regular
products, yet we are free to confess that the
merits of Castoria has won us to look with
favor upon it."
United Hospital ani Disrsifsan,
Au.CN C Smith, Pres.,
Thm Centaur Company, TZ Mom-sty Street, New York City.
TSE MOLINE WAGON,
The Moline Wap Co.,
Mulacturers ol FARM, SPRING AND FREIGHT WAGONS
A fall and complete line of Platform and other Sprinz Wagons, especiany adapted to the
Western trade, of superior workmanship and finish Illustrated Price List free on
upneatioa. ' See the MOL.1NB WAGON before oarchasing.
Heating and Ventilating Engineers,
Gas and Steam Fitting,
complete line oi Kpe, Brass Goods, Packing Hose,
Fire Brick Etc. Largest And best equipped
establishment west of Chicago.
DA via ttuutj. Moline, HI
112. 114 West Seventeenth bX.
Telephone 1148. Eockisiax
Resldenoe TeleDhon 1 169
Everything in the line of epriDg vehicles, and the
largest assortment of
Harness, Laprobes, Whips, Etc.
Mason's Carriage Works,
East Fourth Street. - DAVENPORT, 10 Wa.
B. F. DeGEAR,
Contractor etricl Builder.
Office and Shop 225 Eighteenth" Street
ROCK ISLAND, ILL.
far AU kinds of Carpenter work a jpecialty. Plans and estimatcslfor sllTkinds of bundlncs
furnished on application. "wiuit.m
Carpenter and Builder,
OFFICE, NO: 2821 SIXTH AVENUE,
8hop on Vine Street BOOK ISLAND, ILL.
I' 1 I'; ,
- v -