Newspaper Page Text
iFrron th urcentllc Mouta-ner.
llV P*or. U. EM4Y1NIet. Poll. 1).
The Jiegend of the White Horse Road.
They hatid their chiarmns. thoo golden 411<1)S
Of stage voaeh-tritvel and relays,
Of drivers, horses, stableis,
Of hostelries mue Jolly hosts,
Of botirds of cheer itnd nierry tosts
At bounteotis dinntor-tajbles,
Ofi heartIer intelrcoirse anl wilys.
Of k Indlier speech t hai nowtliays,
Of telling, olu-tine storIesI
A nil still all, all went to decty
Anti witnied, dlied out anid patsse~l away
W'lit their delights tand glories,
Since when the iron horse was born,
Its whistle lerowieI tlie driver's horn,
I ts ears replicod t he stlg(s,
Its 11rains left far asidle the ills,
(W pitssed themin by with mocking (tlils,
Fast as as teim(pest ilges.
N v sticll it fitinot5s ways-1de 41i i
Wa., atl this centur y's begin
I ')1 1t cross- rotai standiing,
N ot fil', 'roinl Ilh(. sa luila brl-iigt*,
'1p11onl the su nmliiit of it ri4lge.
A leauiteouis view conuin1trliiig.
A hrge White I lorse as sign it bor,
And l by that naine was known all 'er
As travelers' enui'25 NIM ' 31 1:
hy 11one sur1 plassttl by waly l'f chieI.r
Sincet. ti lhe kilclell telntle(I heen
Tlhe Ihoste'ssselIf. tebecca.
Anl wlile sie. si1w too foll :tnl fare,
1ler husliil iil tiht inn)1 i) care,
I11 s oth'll .esc'ent an111 clever:
FIruon frn ill iiglt 11pon his post,
Thenre never. wits ait terl host
ArI tu rtanenver !
F1t"' hond.less fhiul s 4l' t eils he 111141
A I his 11nn 111,1ot blit21 1he l1ttl Sti,
Anl 11411e by fic tion tit21l :
Vet iest Ie likeId il best Ie- told
mf thalt White. lior ' se, 1t:11, hirtge. anltl hohl,
lpon his sign1 slioil patin1itil.
"P rc ine , o iihink, inye t'rivinils," e'
"That piet tire lin linvenm ion ? Ni.ty
hathorIme. hath 111ce. beent living'
'e111ol-Ii,i 11 111) 44i t~1114 I 'l l 1 *44 l 1,
Y4eaI iniore, I r424n lhnger, andl t'rnlall4,
She. savtk-l 1ts, sntlered lIo us all.
lierl lile Its niaty~ r gvinlgI
"it wits inl sevi-eten seventy or,,
Tenl year s I nun thnt , n t114'1. 1i) ttl)(1e
Wilhein hor4se. Ilic'. .esswrarllel IIs region, 11
W he), I wo vf yas Ill 10', 4411tingted Iuihir nante4 d]
I ITories, still reI.ntainell t he s nite, (.
Adl nmbiler4t1 w-'1 algion, e
Ch"W by :i ll m1n1h-r t.lin-r;
.%lilt hept i2 - h4 or'se i' ; il. .e w 4i 12114
i11. I ly 1 ; 441) i4t1 gaill).1
4.,I lilt h1e214 hi'll h '. I
l t. i'. le' 4.1$ $4ne lig i 111 Jilt
TYIs si-k hwran stIlIse v rl . el
Few'. 11.)l1S1 414)1lilg Ili tem. I (21
Wrv' iot11 in r 12, ho. a b ' n12ll.'i n
i c gt.2 mill h2 r .1$'11VII'le rtle'
V1.41111 11,40 106111ls, li4.4' It 1411I(1 let, 111414j
litt4' .r ii I '('2' l ol Il4211t Ii'Iiel'!4'4
We- gri). , 11 e t ithi l t elres
A d1141 14lly hold1142 wv ht hllI e'll i ew
Ill) Iw I i11 2 stlit I 4w41 kittll ' 4111
We'ke shef- was hreve glonll-,
T h 1' l ihe 1.t -it o 2i-arI ' right
1Wt- h lit I powe it'2 s lit its hIII igh
And Tt'ivii''I 4 nttl 1 1 4i'.b n 1.1
'rInI, 2244 21l121-4i 111 ie i i'lI 24')lit 4',
1 li 'i 1- 1 '\-14 114' s11vilve l I
W2 12 1Ileii l w r-- ois l i) s . i.) !...n 1
li1 2.i ' - sI ny' i ihnll. -
..)I 1ih- 'ed lie'1h 4I o i hju-r nest i411h4 re
l er t4h i rein liin tl11'4nh,42 411 11m. 2g
'4'11'1 ew. 44 h1t I'4 -ts4 Ji n 1I igh n . r
14:lit ri I- li' ru , y4I e' t b eto414)Iiv .
'lin Itili'lls 43' t 2o ex ryl'1 ''n
Th~n e by her nigh4ingui~ to' iiral
I'otne l n wit 4.441.21 u iou tearin.2
finti wh21-2 lihe Tories-. 211 'i t tur ('441n
Ill usi l b II114 be114' r 229 t 'ron, ls i ber 5114. -
The firl'i4 htIet ane4443 wheele514')l
Then) 2II 1 e iturig. witoutw1 14'2und
It1e IIIt-s1s 1it' ly it 'n lieg all
i. .li~ I her'.. lite 1 bl .3' we911424111r. 14
Idtrwouy ' lI n'354W1'~dlL, nil hll isiebbe
T.hunst 'sh, Of'gainI, 141.'In- thei 'ret vellt'
I fors 421 he sttit i'tiel flty,!11tel~~e0
WltchjwaI-ta riit'lwiat Ieat atllits t
Al'h (14on el ww'nas snel IhtIM hittl:
Ik llIeti, who l11 ays 1ig.'31wt
12( illijl lillr h (3 eighytl, ng jf t O U' ;
hT it ini' liyt 'itils htan't l'way
b ar~t24 rins thelwy eherisht obod.
hiady sth'tle harflt o t rOIll l jree, b
.O kindlytt , StiendC r-utihlr nn-k I"
Thdalon b1eathed inlatoan persais.
A lndI' s oo dy a it ut welly duteegt
E'10 takou af bast," hn brnv aond Irun,
th adltoid an'1 'bolt 1t'as t
lAse. Whitlre p'i bisi, an' ari
a 'lir too;ith ns'se ht's !"11 uh
t'W1ly'out.'4 c ilS iy
doush, ye".01 y'e saw unapred, little
Ikhoueac'tedly 'm an' al th' time feler'
b2gus, n'eer rImih smatn chane
watchon'-htbe whtoo htyk."e
m" ounlleadrn, theenid tittle4
thef majori, eerythm ofg "h old 11urse
hAv ae. mysemay, hafnt rallyb
y ertan agl-that is' he an'nody
hardly, t'- hnaan't gotsoethn guilty
cbptasht esapoe rchem hasckse in
finishe Ine aelt eai.n"ha
no ~ ~ ~ n cptalk u f'm"pt ist,"l Hantk,
the landl rran' 'bout ally 'esay''
avll to; ~lIt s'os that'nal he' bugt
" Oh, es !o, yesy!" snapp edlitl
skoxtl edlyo " nr l h ie i
,, wuldn't be to hsygetltha
Avalanchfe. " e may af tr allse
su k r - na a e . L t o g it
"What does this mean, gentlemen ?"
asked Tonnison, angrily. " Do you
p roposo to rob or mnurder mo--or
"Shot up !" was the reply, "an' git
Intub thorn clo'os an' pack that there
grip. Yo won't be hurt of yo don't
make no fuss."
Twenty minutes later the unfor
tuliate suspect found himself some dis
tanco out of camp, grip In hand, and
with footsteps accelerated by the part
ing injunction of his captors :
" Ef y're w'thin ten mile o' yore b'
daylight, ye won't need no breakf'st."
The New K iuborly Minor and Ranch
man of a week later contained the fol
lowing item, and marked copies of the
paper were sent to Gold Hill :
" Again have the ioss-backed denI
zens of that antique settlement of Ugld
(save the mark !) Hill stopped on
themsolves ; one more blunder have
they committed to their everlasting
"1 Three weeks ago Mr. G. iP. Tonni
son, a gentleman of culture and refine
Ment, who represents an Eastern
syndicate with millions of capital, went
to Gold (!) 11111 with the intention of
looking about for investment. iirst,
howover, it was his ain, with the as
iistance of certain documents in his
passession, and under the guidance of
that votOran prosICetor, Poter the
HIermit, to locate some of the old Jesuit
workings supposed to exist there.
Feailing in this, it was his intention to
invest in one or two properties- which
he considers are not being properly
worked (as nothing, excepting an oc
casional sucker, ever is at Gold Hill).
" Behold the stupidity of the Gold
I-illites i Because Capt. Tennison,
who is, as we said before, a gentleman
of culture, relinement and education,
did not stand upon the housetops and
declare his business to the open
mouthed multitude, certain per'sons,
ostensibly resp8eetable business men,
but who, from the nature of their
environment, do not know a gentle
man of culture, refinement, eucation
and good breeding-these swine, be
cause he chose to step lightly while
in their sty, took e.ception to h is q u let.
and gentlemanly way of conducting
himself, and at, the darkling hour of
two I. Iml., when all decent )eoplo
should be in bed, a eut-throat horde
cane and burst in his door, and,
unuer pain of death, compelled him to
leate ther filthy camp-which lie was,
no doiit, glad to do.
" Aajor Tenniin camne to New K im
berley as fast as his legs would bring
iiin, knowing full well that the people
of this city who know a gentleman
w henl tIey see one, would treat him
with hospitality and consideration. as
they do, inldeCd, uvery one who be
haves Iiiiiself in anything but Cold
II ill's popular hoodun style.
"The distinguished visitor is at
present the guest of -Judge Williams
and his (larming spouse at their
palatial home on Citrus avenue, and
has spent the last two or three days
looking at sonic of the judge's par
tially developed bonanzas in this
The next issue of the Miner and
Itillinial p esented tile following :
"I ast week the Miner and Ihiich
man published (exchusiv-ely) thne ac
oun t of t,e bruial treattment at (Gsold
1ill of Col. 'Tennison. tile distinguishl
(Il lI'sterni gentleman wh1o is sojourn
In. In our Ildliast. and who. by the way,
hits iimade sole heavy investments in
New lKiiimberley Mining propert y for
the syd1icate h1e ireresents.
" Tne're is an~ot,r chapter to1 the
story', atndt ian inlterestinlg 01ne. At the
ltat, hour tiefore goinig to press, we re
ne.ive'd by special couriera a message
from I )epIu.y Collhector 13oggs andl
h)puty V initedh Stattes Miarshals Now,
tonj and i)wyer, stating that they hiavt
ar rested the parties whli, for two y'eai
pastl, hlave- operaI'ted the illicit whliiskea
.til II at, ias so long been haling ti
v igilanice of the G overnmelint oflicers
and1, will arrive here with thei
lIwisonlers before this issue of the MI ine
and1( lIanchman (which has the niew
excilusivye, as usual, the old. worm
eaten, InIusty Prospector beinug, asi
ever wats, till) stupid to know an itenl
of inteest, when~l it, sees 01n) is Cobl
frt'in tbe nress.
" And w.vill the venierable, moss
glown' l'rospector hliie it? it afi
-0 Iors uis uarmig led satisfaction to me
noriO for th e hid eiound edi tor of thia
spav'U~ined shleet, that first anid foremios
among h hos.1 Catulred anid alnore cs
tain of conv'iction than he ovtr was o
anm hlonest hlihur, is that leidus Achiate
of his, that sweet thing known as II
liend(1ri<o, heretofore editor of thait d1is
graceful rag, the Gold H ill Avalanch
- Iienit ix, the base, low-born creatur
yv hum we have ex posed ti me amid agai
in the past four years, and for whboii
thre poor old I 'rospoetor's editor, oi
Sthe other hland, has (is it becaus
birds (of a feather, etc.?) ever carrio
ani iniky cudgel. Witll the latter put u~
"In addition to l lendrix, there ar
o'd lhink Hainnks, proprietor of th
M'lerchiants' I iotcl ;1 Jim iaulIton atnd 1k
l3ullett, of the GolJI l11ll Ixchange
Mart Wolf, of the Whlite Wing
Saloon : .Joe God frey' andi l'at (V Iliart:
the latteor two being caught at work 1
"I u appears thait, the night befor
Col. T1ennlisoni was assaulteid, lie at
cidenltal ly overheard a conversatio:
between ttvw) loungers on the hiotc
por'ch, inl which 0on (of thlem saidl somc
thing about a 'revenue ofilcor.' Oi
reflection, the colon01elecidled that ih
was tbe person referred to, inasmuel
as severail plarties had tried unsuccess
fully to learn hiIs business: atnd thi
result wvas that he( put, two liad twt
togethier, and on meeting Col. Blogg
in lli01ce, toldl him ol(f h is theory a
to wVhalt was hack oIf tihe assault upom
him11. Thereupon the oflicers went ti
Gold l11ll, ith the gratifyinig resul
"If, as is believed, thle arrested met
cani tbe conv icted of the supp) oset
nn111rder of I)oputy Marshal W hito
somiethinig over a year ago, it will g<
hard w iton thiemi. At any rate, thu
peole oIf this county will be leasod t<
know that they ar:e safe for good, long
A l",'(leral Suldir Who WVas IDe
seieti by hiIs Comriades.
"l The odd~est specimen of a soldier
over- knew, saidl a retIred ar'my oficor',
"was I l'ivate .Jack .Scuddor, a mem
beri of miy company when I was 1101u.
tenanit during the first year of the war.
JIack was a stubbly little chap, IllIter
ate and~ satislied wIth it. and1( slouchly
and imazy anid glad of it. We were do
ing Virginia Ill those days and light
Sig was frequent, and I noticed that
whlonlever' there was a skirmish anly
where in sight, .Jack was likely to be
"One iy, after we'd been at it for
several mioniths, about twenty of our11
men weoro caught on a rocky knoll by a
battalion of oavalr'y from thle other
side, anid there was shooting at onee,
but our1 m-m01 couildnl't, stand tihe odds,
and out of their hliding phames they
n me and away they all went, all ex
he deolines to do so-." The editor
concluded with a tolerably graceful
wave of his hand, for the subject of
the foregoing remarks-a palo, somo
what ordinary-looking young man, in
clothes of IKastorn cut-had just en
tqred and was passing through the
Time was when Gold Hill had been
Lt thriving, busy camp, with metropoli
tan aslirations. But its boom died,
ind the glories of Gold Hill were only
a iliory to the :00 citizens (who re
mained behind because they could not
Afford to leave what little was left
them of their former iossessions), and
to the "saickers" who had dropped
Ahoi money at the time of the rush.
It was still the centre of a fairly good
)ut steadily "petering " mining dis
'rict, and there yet remained the hope
>n the part of many citizens that some
>no might make another big "strike,"
md the old timos coic back ; in which
,ase they would be " in on the ground
loo"." Htut soveral years had soen
mnly a steady leelln in Gold lill, and
6i increase of prosperity on the part
>f its hated rival, New 1(imberly, the
nihabitants of which woro wont to
>rofess ignorance of the existence of the
ormier imctropolis, albeit only twenty
ailos sepairated the two camps.
If was in the second year after the
oath of the Gold Hill boom that the
'usiness men of that camp began to
Calizo that retrenchment was necos
ary. There was always the hope 'of
, strike," or a chance of unloading
omething at a good price on soie un
ophisticated " tenderfoot :" but, ii,
he meantime, it was necessary to
'look after the leaks." Tho gentle
mn who kept the liquor hdispiensaria
ad as lively a sense of the necessity
Li' retrench inient as the rest, and they
rent about economizing in a practical
There was in the cmp i plroilinent
ut somewhat impecuious citizen.
nown as dJoe Godfrey, aund Mr. God
'rey had formerly resided in the
'moonsh ine " districts of North Care
ina. This latter fact gave Major
'ilton and Col. Hanks an idea. The
ottom-lands nearby grew largo qunanti
ios of cereals, including corn1. 'ut.
ing two and two togethe'r-Joe God frey
n1d the co'n crop-and -why. it was
s easy as anything could be I
In a short time AMr. Godfrey's work
iade itself felt by the wholesale liquor
ion, who shook their heads over th,
ecadence of business, not only inl
;old H ill, but in several outlying
amps as vell. RIe-ven ue olliceris shook
heir heads, too, and sought to asecr
[Linl the cause of this uaccontale
tate of things. Bhit only one of thie
ad found what he sought. and he
iysteriously disappeared, failing eveni
o call for his baggage or to pa)Ii his bill
,t the hotel. And Messrs. V uitoin.
lanks, et al., waxed fat and prosperous
n the midst of seeming adversity, yet
vere very ciricums'ipet, as behiooves
rentleimen who defy the laws Of gov
irnmient. There were no informers in
'old Hill. The lmau who gave Ie
'evenue olicer Who mysteriiously dis
LtpeaLred the inforiation,that,led to'the
inding of the still, wat shot in self
lefence " by a lieiehmi ianl of the whis
<ey ring within IL day or two afteri the
>tlieer turned up msinig.
Several circum ilistialces had cusel
oIspicioni of the imaii who laud been the
mLhjeet of tle alkftoerlioo's Sesioni in tie
resent, instilce. II had bee n ini
;old iill about two weeks. lnld had
iirdly splioei to anyoeiic inl the lrn P
he had satid nothing about lis busines;
he took not even i hmmtiermoli with him
when lie walked or' code abot -. 1
'ounitryV ( re'sumalibly i'ospccting ): amid
he hadL been seen o n several i ccasonis,
af ter n igh tfall (h is I ighit-colored eltohe
wei'e conspicuouis), outside the caitiii
ttalking t~o someone, priohably aL stran
gwr tic was as yet unidlentilIied, iin
asmutch as the two had never yect I .eet
seen together by dlaylighglt or wi thiin thll
limits oIf the eampih.
(> n the eveiing a ftc r the Ionsuila
tiloi of the p((~oes in thn- b:ii-iroom ii
the hMiehants' H otel, I l'rol. lelei.i
inaime of 1'ennibson, and tiedt, ini hi:
draw him i ouit, and to learnl somiiethin
of hi s biusi ness: but the young mian
ters in grenell bieanme as donub as' im
oyster whlen it, got to piersonai ~lies
tions, anzd d is play'ed an aptness in Lio-ni
lag the con versation wortLhy of one o
twice hiis year's. S~o ICLlndrix tii
" 10 l ur. Tenniison," lhe began it
his mii lest imannier', at whaiit he con
sideired an lioppotunel miomient,"I
te'atLly fear' you think me unldubh
fairs, but-" ti-m-ci'a
" Yes, 1 (10,'" interrupted the~ other,
ciuitly, "' you'r'e about the seventeenit~l
manti that lhas tiried to sour meIin.'" A m
he bit off' the end of his eigar' in
manni' that betokened not aL little ire
Henidirix w~as ia bit d isconceorted ;lbut
niot a bit cat downi, he resumeiid:
" I'm soirry, Mir. Tiennison, but-ei
-the facet is, if I must tell youl, that
that there are rumioirs-that is, thierl
ai'e those who aff'ect to believe y'ou ari'
not what y'ou pro'tond to be."'
"What haive I priotondedl to be y'
"Noth ing-niothiing," sild the pr'o
fossoi', in somie hiate. "' T1hat's just
the trouble. TIhey thiink you oughtI
" 4Mr. Hlendr'ix, we arie in frece Amer
ta, ai'e we iiot ? W'ell, then, iipro
)oso to attend to my own afiLr~ls : and
is for these pi'ying gossips yuou r'efor
x), I cheerfully consign them to the
Whereupon Mr. TIenniison rose
Lbhruptly, wont Into the hotel, and re
tired to his i'oom.
As aL imatter' of fact, lhe wias throutgh
with most of his business at~old 11ial:
bult hie did not pr'oposo--on though
bie expiected, hefoi'e his deoparturie, toi
liscuss other maitter's with ceirtain
mnining men-to give the idl1e gossips it
bhiance to have any satisfaction ouit of
Hlendriix, at a sessiont of the whiskey
'ing in his bacek oilico, repou'ted hiis
~ailure to extra~ct anything from the
"See Y" satid Miajor' hlulton,. " I
<nowedl how 'twouild be. They lhaItn't
mut one thing left t'dlo, as I c'n see."
Laittle Ike looked at him interroga
tively. "'Ye don't mean---" lie began,
with some approt'hOnsion.
.1 Noth in', ' replio ld the maiijor,. shor't
ly. "'.Jes' give this 'angel' thew runi,
Abhout twVo o'clock in the moiti'iIng,
Tennison was suddlenly awaYikenied by
repeatod'i aps at h Is door'.
' ho's ther'e ?" lie cal led, sharply.
"Me-Imanks," was thel r'esponse, ini
what the colonel intended to he ia
trembling voice. "'Open the door' a
Grumbling at thius having his slenpi
broken, TLennison comipl ied, iand at
once found hinself covered biy half a
dozen revolvers in the hands of masked
men. Sensibly hie throcw up lis hands
and they enter'ed the r'oom, p~ushinig
the apparently unwilling landlord,
vehemently pr'otestin g agalinst whait
he called theirhrbrutallity, befoire them.
the bowiders and kept right on wit
" The cavalrymen couldn't got up t
him without dismounting and h4
banged away with such fata results a
one or two who tried it that the,
backnd away to get a new start, JaoI
in the meantime dropping ne or tw
more of them and firing so fast tha
they couldn't tell just how many me
might be up there to meet them it
case they made an assault.
IsWilie tbeoy wore dallying about ii
a regonet of b ecoats hove in bight
and the battalion of gray skedaddlet
and Jack came down to meet his re
cuers. 1'verybody had seen the fight
and when Jack got back to camp ht
was the hero of the hour, and I was foi
naking a corporal of him.
461 calle himu thaealti
pivatalk d ih uim before takinc
active measures in his behalf, and h
routed me worse than he routed hi
"'Are you aware, Jack,'said I, 'thai
you did a very brave thing il thai
light this afternoon Y'
" ' What light, lieut'nant?" he re
" ' Don't be so modest,' said I. ' You
know what fight.'
" You mean the half fight don't
you, lieut'nant ? Thom robs didn't
light. Only the blue coats fit.'
"Well, none of them did but ou.'
I 'Is that so ? I wuzn't notic ng.'
Didn't you know they all ran away
and left you there alone ?'
"' Well, I noticed I felt kind o' lone
"1' That's all.right, Jack,' said I, get
ting to the point. ' You did as brave
an act as a soldier could do, and I want
you to be rewarded for it.'
What (lid I do, lieut'nanty'
You didn't run away as the others
(lid, when you would have bon por
feetly justi fed in doing exactly as they
".ack chuckled as though some
thing funny had occurred to him.
Why, licut'nant,' he said, 'that
wasn't bravery. There wuz a lot of
huckleberries up there, jist in reach of
where I wuz layin' among the rocks in
the sunshine, and I wuz jist too lazy to
TH E GR3 A M 1Alt CIASS.
A Iluimorouas Iteproiluct lonl Fromi a
College iagazIlne 41' Ye 01(Oln
In scanning the Military Institute
Magazitne, a college paper of 1840, our
eyes frll upon the following, which we
think good enough for publication.
I'Enter gramuar class of small sprouts
in prodigious standing class:
Teachor.-" IParse itan."
Pupil..-" Man is a common noon, of
the feminine gonder."
Teacher.'-" What is that, sir ?"
Pupil.-' Man is a common noun, of
the feminine gender, common 'cause
he can be bought cheap, and feminino
gender 'cause he's always got woman
on the brain : eight person 'cause his
wife and children come first is the
objective case governed by woman."
'Teacher.-" Go to your seat, sit', and
put a wet cloth on your head.
" Next: Parse woman."
'upil.-" 'Woman is a female noun,
of the masculine gender."
Teacier. -" Morey on us! What
did you say, sir ?"
I 'upil.-"She's a female noun. of ias
culine goidor; masculine 'cause she
wears the breechaloons, and is doter
mined to vote: is compounded of cot
ton, wheie bone, started smilEs, sun
shine and thuniderblolt. : is in the tir'st
person 'cause she's always the plersor
speaking :iplural number 'cause she
makes moure noise than a doieni par'ots
is the objectivye case and governed b3
Teacher.--" Sit downi, sirI, and r'inst
yourtt mouth Li w ith~ pro'phylactic II uid.
Next : l'ar'se boy."
Piipili.-''l1ky is ani unct.omminon niotn
of the goshnil gender' and female per'
Te'ache'r. -"-' Tlhmunder and b)ootjacks
\\lhat.'s that, sir' "
l'upi .-' 1103' is ani uncommon nioun,
of gosh n gendler and female persulasion
unco-mnOn 'cause he's hard to find now
a-dlays, goshin gendiet' 'cause lie soot
-entrs tihe threshold of goosehtood ;fe.
-nmale Persuasion 'cause he's alway's gol
the heart sick about sonmc female firs1
,Person1 lig 11k0: singular numbei
' caus.e thee's~ nobody but himself ; it
- the~ obljetimve case and governed by hit
icemoryo mooustachie, sheridan schapps
anti length of his daddy's purseC."
T Ieaclehe.:-- "' Go home, sir, and bathc
your feet in mlustar'd. Parse girl."
i 'upji.--'GCir' is an angelic noun
the G;recianbhdnd gonder-, and has mnas
I culine tendenicics''
I Tleachter----"Oh 'heavens, sav'e us
those boys wvili nevehr be0 r'aisedl. Hoev
hupils. "Girl is an angelic nour
'cause siho paints her' cheeks and lovet
images ;she's compounded of cosmet
3 ics, hlower's, fuss and feathers; is 0
3 masculine tendencies 'cause she weal'
3 shirt bosoms11, panort collars and aiway1
,has her1 ,heart full of boys i singulal
S number 'cauise the boys are afraid o
,thiemi, and miatrimiony is playedl out
tiiird personi 'cause suc 's much spokei
of, in the objective case and governet
3 by Gypsy bonnet."
- 'l'eaciher.-- Next parse fash ions."
I I 'l'lpil.-"l'Lashiin is a tyrianical nounI
I of tile c~llommo gender."
- Teachler.-"G (atilshi andi blunder
ibusses yWhat's that, sir' ?"
Pupil.-'' leash ion is a tyranica
Iitoun' cause it muist be obtey'd, an
laughs at~ a poor man's purse ;commtloi
1 gender 'cause every bodly bow to it:;
is comploundled of flounces, lhitsiet
Iruhles, culfs, fulIs, hairs, snares, Gre
cianbonds, fuss and feathlers ; it onIc
nwas in the objective case andt governnes
by l'ugoniie, but is now inl tihe nomninfl
tive case independient."
Teachier.--'' Go home, sir'."
"Next : Parse b~aby.'
Pui)i.-"H'aby is an obstreperoum
m tusical noun11, of the uieuLtr gendier."
T1eachera.--'' What dd y( ou say, yo
little 1imp1 ?"
Pupil.-'' laby is a musical noul
'cause it sings a soft tune between mid
nlight anti (lay, especially of a col.
night ; it is neuter gendler 'cause it'
neither male nor1 female till it is bi
enough to wear breeches ; it weigh
accor'ding to sizAe, and measures at
cording to pinoportions ; is comnpoundeo
of mulk and lungs, gr'ows rapidly art
soon leat'ns to smoke cigare, drini
spir'its, talk short to dad, and mnak
love to the gals. It is also of the spoil
gender 'cause it puts its foot in th
gr'avy whtenever' it chooses."
Teachetr.--"G(o home, sit', and tel
your' mother to rock you to 510o1p."
"Next: Parse matrnimony."
Pupil.-" Matrimony is an anclen
noutn of the defunct gendler."
Teachr.-" Hear him ! Whlat dkl
you say, you vagabond ?"
Pupil.-" Mattrimony Is of the (de
funct gendetr 'cause it is playedl out
girls are as plentiful as blackberries
but they've got nothing, they toil not
neither do they spin, yet Solomon, it
all his glory, could not spin like 'em
matrimony Is conmpounded of the wordi
mate and money, but when there's u
match now-a-days it's nothing withoul
money; third person 'cause its spoken
of much by the girls; in the objective
case and governed by the spondoolicks
3 of the gil's daddy."
b Teacher.--"Take the back seat, and
F rub your head with a brick."
t " Parse kissing."
Pupil.-"Kissing is a common labial
noun, of explosive gender."
I Teacher.--"'Sakes alive! What do
I you mean ?
Pupil.-"Kissing is in the explosive
gender 'cause it's generally attended
with various explosive sounds, some
I thing like the bursting of a torpedo:
something like the sucking of a calf;
something like unto weeping as .lacob
kissed Rachel and lifted up his voice
and wept; it's peculiar to all ages and
sexes, especially to the young girls,
reachers and widowers. Kissing is
derived from bussing, and is of var ous
kinds; first there's rebus, which is to
buss again, second there's omnibus,
which Is bussing all the girle in the
room. Third, there's blunderbuss,
which is one man bussing another
man's wife; and fourth, there's sylla
bus, which is one girl bussing another
girl when so many boys are spoiling
or a buss; it is second person 'cause
it takes two persons to perform the
operation ; is in the objective case and
governed by the surrounding circum
Teacher.-" Great heavens! That
will do, sir."
- - -_ -- No
THE WEATHER AND OROPS.
Hot anIId Dry Weather Unfavorable to
Cot-ton and Late Corn.
The following is the report of.the
weather bureau for the week ending
The pitst week was a hot and dry
one, especially during the latter por
tion of it. The first two days were
cool and below tbE usual temperature
by from 2 to 4 degrees. but during the
remainder of the week the temperature
ranged from 4 to 6 cdegrees per day in
excess of the usual or seasonable tem
perature. This following the hot,
moist condition of the previous week
had the effect of bringing crops to ma
turity very fast, generally, and of
causing cotton to open rapidly, as well
as shed its leaves and wilt.
The mean temperature of the week
deduced from thirty-one stations, was
about 78, and the normal for the same
period is approximately 76. The high
est temperature was 95 at Beaufort on
the 4th, and at Little Mountain on the
6th, 7th and 8ths; the lowest 60 at
Spartanburg on the 3d, and at Bates
burg and Cheraw on the 4th.
The week generally was a dry one,
although there were numerous scat
tered showers, but very light except
on the immediate southern coast,
where they were moderately heavy.
The greatest amount reported was
2.05 at Beaufort, and the average of
37 stations was 0.43 of an inch, and the
normal for the same period is approxi
mate 1.25. Twenty-seven places re
ported less than 0.50 and seven over
an inch. Rain would prove very ac
ceptable over the greater portion of
There were local high winds that
blew down sonic cot-n in Barnwell
County, which was the only datuag
ing condition in the State during the
The sunshine averaged about nor
mal, but was deficient in portions of
the State, notably in Berkeley County,
while in the western portion the days
were nearly all clear.
The weather conditions, as described
ab~ove, were, on the wvhole, ver~y favora
ble for outdoor, seasonable wor-k and
for maturing cr-ops.
Cotton continues to bc unfavoraly3
repor-ted fromi all p)ortions of the State,
and rust with shedding is mentioned
in every ifepor't received : its g rowvth
has practically stopped, and in many
places the plant has maturedl and is
(lying: a few report too r-ank growth
of weed, and boll wor-ms have appeared
on rich lands in Orangebur-g County;
boils arec opening rapidly and picking
is gener-al, except in the extreme
western and northern por-tions of the
State, wherec it is about to begin. 'The
weather was favorable for- picking
during the gr-eater portion of the
~week. The hot sun wilted cotton
In the e xtreme southwestern portions
corn is being housed, and in the north
western fodder-pulling is just ending.
it has been too dry for- late ecrn in the
not-thern tier' of counties from Cheste
field westward, but geraetrally late corn
is tilling out very well.
Hoiling molasses from sorghum and
sugar- cane was the work of the week
over considerable por-tion of the State
and the yield is rer-ted to be of good
quality and very satisfactory in quan
Teshowers in the eastet-n portion
of the State inter-lered with the i-ice
hat-vest which is progr-essing slowly.
'lher is complaint that upland rice is
not heading satisfactorily in some of
the more southern counties, but gener
Peanuts ar-c being gathered and the
-few cor'respondentts naming this cr-op
agr-ee that it is yielding wvell.
P'eas are being gathered; some state
that the vines are shedding thoir
leaves where planted with corn but the
crop genetrally hits done well. Is need
ing r'aint ina few places.
Sweet potatoes are impr-oving very
mtueh with the prevailing hot weather,
and the cr-op will be miuch larger~ thari
anticipated during the sumimer.
''Trni ps arc r-e.ceivirng considerable
attention ; seome fields have been re
sown, others are doing nicely.
Late gardens ar-c needing rain In
the upper por-tions of the State, but
Salong the coast winter~ vegetables
and green peas, beans, etc., ar-c doing
very well, except there has been
almost too much rain in those sections.
Lands being prepared fot- winter outs
in Lexington County.
Attlietedi for Yeari.
Mi-. RX. B. Goodman, Mar-iettar, Ga.,
Ssays : "I was troubled with r'heumia
tism, which the doctors called sciatica,
for a number of years, doctotring with
s everything I could hear of, without
Sbenefit, until I commenced with Dr.
SKing's itoyal Germntuor, which cutred
m ne sound and well. I was at times,
for- soeral months, so I could not walk
iat, all. I have now been thorouighly
well of It for lout- years, and think
3 thore is no mnedi-jine that can equral
Germiettuer.'' Write to The Atlanta
Chemicical Co., A tlanta Ga., for 4i8 page
book, ft-eo. New package, lar-ge bottle,
108 dloses, $1. lFor' sale by Car-punter
Fitits, dilzz/iness, hysteria arid all norw
vous trourbles cure-d b~y Mlagnetic Ncr
vine. Sold and guar-anteed by Car-pen
ter Br-os., Gr'eenville, S. C.
Japanese Pile Cur'e is an unfailing
cure for overy kind and stage of the
disease. Guar-anteod by Car-penter
Bros., GreenvIlle, S. C.
-Johnson's Magnetic Oil cures cramps
and colic and internal neuralgia ; 40
and 75l cents. Sold by Car-penter Br-os.,
Greenville, . C.r
Mts. Anna Gage, wife of Ex,
Deputy U. 8. Marshal,
Columbus, Kan., says I A
"I wasVdelivered Dol
of TWINS in OWL
less than 20 min- a,
utes anI W I t it gI,
scarcely ally pain uen
after using only
two bottles of Qh
DID NOT SUFFER AFTERWARD.
s iint by 'xr a or nili, on receipt of
Oraited fre. lboltle. Book "TO MOTHI11ci
B1ADFIELD REGULATOR CO., ATLANTA, (A.
SOLD 11Y ALI, DIRUGGISTS.
Manners of Great Men.
Iollr'oe was, eveln ili his own
called "A gentleinai of t.he old
Ilen1ry Clay wals stid to inake the
most engaging bow of any gentle- oo
nman of his time.
Andrew Jacksoi was routlgh il his
Imanners, but he could be pollite wheii
he pleased. He was al ways cotIrteous
Byron wisVi affable to his equls
tmld to those whoi lie wished to
please, but haughty aunt (listant to
talleyrani owed his success in life,
Lno nsmall extent, to the tiliforn
'ourtesy with which he treated every
Haydn was the persolnification of
30ii rtesy. I I aiile , t does not
pay to be impolite even to a (log." A
General (reene liad the repitation A ,
f being the niost polite man in the -
Revolutionary arny during the war
- - a
Nervous Prostration .
Cured by Dr. Miles' Nervine.
Prolonged lerangement of the nervous
system not only affects the brain and men- .
tal powers, but, develops disease in some of
the vital organs. The most dangerous of
these indirect results is when the heart is "
alleeted. This was the case of the Rev. N.
F. Surface, F"awn tiver, Mich., who writus
under date of leeb. 14, 1895:
"Fourteen years ago Ilhad a slight, stroke of G
paralysis. Overwork brought on nervous
prostration. I was exceedingly nervous and
the exertion of public spe'akling caused
heart palpitation that threatenied my life. 1
I used two bottles of Dr. Miles' New Iheart
Cure for my heart trouble, and two of Dr.
Miles' Rtestorative Nervine for my nervous
ness and feel better than I ever expected to
feel again. I can speak for hours without __
tiring or having my heart, flutier as it for
merly did, anid I have you to thiankc that I
am alive today."
On sale by all druggists. Dr. Miles' IRook
on Heart and Nervous Ditsorders FRtEE by
rnail. Dr. Miles Medical Co., Eikhart, Ind.
Dr. Miles' emedies estore ealth.
into4 ever.y commmunimiity~ ini the1 Smott h
ime cittiike'st tul imi I hav conc1luled'm Io
m1111ke Solmi- very liherali otfers n11 bedi
room(11 suites' 1 'toiecurit least1 one1
emstomner at 4'very mrost oalklee in
thle mnext. 604 chlmy. P' lase rearI liti
imilver't ise'iment 'l erful ly 1nrmil se'imi at "
once fort 41ne of' (lir spiall1 otfers. "
Ot'r greamt oler No. I consists of (mie
Solil ( amk litecroomStuite withi large Ar.
<iresser' with 20x24 be~vel irrorl01, one "
large wnshmstanrl, with dlomle Aoor a
alu41 41rawr,' 4)ite Ii-font. iieI1tiit uli
'wielch. Th'ils sulie of' fo titiure is
Aorth in any furn ituiire store not) less -;r
t han $35. Do)1 noti thik for onlce thiat
it, is at lit ile chmeapi Siult1, lorn we assu11re
you1 it 1s not1., butl a larg(', timll-size'~r
sulit('e esunl1 i1t ntinmg (ln ihe mailrket. -r
ini or1'ier to sltart thle sale of thiese -
5114Sui iian to keepI (mur men'i busy3 mand "
1int)4 rodce our1 buisiniess ini youri ne tighi
b)14oroo, we agree to sihip one1 stite
only to1 each11 si pping imn mt. in the -
Soumthi for1'$15, when ithe ii camsh comles -
it lh t lie orderm. Th'lis amdver'tisemeiit,
will plossibm3lly ilearm twice in thmis lia
pem'. I tc~ rfore 1I y'ou are( interes151t ed,
4. Lu t is ot and114 send14 w.it h $15an Ithe1.11
5111'it will be4 shl ipped414 to'you. i f it, IS Ar.
notm Jumst 1as r'iepresented' you Imy re.'
yotmr $15 wvill 1be relftiiedlll to you. Out'
tatllogule contla inin g lmny' ill ustrim
titns of rare'l bairgam is imili houl~se fui
iishiing goodls wI ill' e(ent to) yomiu ip
The14 su111 ite 'l above 4 descibed is a spee- ""ir
inm bar'gamin imi doe14s not appear.li imn till'
enitaoguie, thereforle It. Is useless to) A
wt'rite for iliustrtain of11 4 this suite, e
andil white loui are4 dlin'g writinug --
siwei 1,1 m asur yll' tatweillim not hip --
lipedi'iIga1) n itt. n'list.orhod the TU
L.- F-- PADGETTI.
844 lilliA D STi., AI'0 rIST'A, (IA. 7.36
WVe wanimt Iwety me notiil1) afrali~l 1toi'ok tibt
to sell Organs anti'l Sewinig Malhinies. Will M.
paty salartmy from $'.i to $lii. Ti
We wnt toI trnle Ptianiosm, Or'gan~S aniti 3or
Heinig .Alachinies for ten) golmi hiorses4 1o sIbu
wor'k I)to m ig Imiacineu anii lmrgamn wig4oniA. ,
\\'rite to T
115 Wasinigtoii Sireel, a. n.
Gireeniville, 8. U.
SMA LL O RI)DERS.
wVe imnake no) istlan imon bet'weenm inali Jack
ordlers anid largie miers, w" far as% or ciis- Pu
tomlers are,~l 'nlerned. All are treated Ul
alike-- secuing lthe tun~e care and attention WA
mi i allails. W
AUGUSTA LUMBE~R Co., **
DOORS, SASH, BlI.INDS, I.UMBOR, &c. W'
"Bu Ruv//. ilaik.... AUQU. ...Q
8I R P1Ct Treatment consisting of
esof Ointmn(0pules of Oitt IIt and two
"vtv nature aI d e for File#
coari sl, je
painful and 8el one 60poof %abll0o hc
Ilting In death, n pemnet eure, andi often
a trrIble di eeue0? . Wh *ndur
-e to *ur an one jout aanteg
efts recolved. a * o ny Pay for
rantoos issued by r t by mail.
NSTIPATION c Pis Prgnte.
reat LIVER aind STOP, nsLie Ie
9D P UF IFIER. 81a 1 anid pleA1 and
11 o"pocially adepte forchildren a use. oan to
UARANTEE issued only by
Carpeneir Bt..'s . enville. S C
'UTIIERN LAILVM i us
PIEDMONT AIR LINE.
4D.NSED SURnDULM OF PA9RRNGlt 'TRAI1I5
ier. f'stm'l I
Northa bound No.38 No 36UN a. i8IN w Is
.3 28th, 1895. Daily Dully batty Lxium
Allimta timoI1200im 9.00 1) 1.60 a 4.35 p
Atlata M time 1.0 p 10.00 pi 86) 1 5.3 p
Norcross..... 10.40 P !.a4 a t;.i p
l3utord........ V 10.4* a 7.02 p
Galhhoville. .26 p 11.43 p 10.36 a 7.33 p
lIula .. . .... .12.06 a 10.1$ a 8.01 p
Cornella............12.32 a 112 a 8.25 p
Alt Airy...... 12.3 u "
'I o-co .. ..........10
Westmiustor ..........4J a 1.1-1
St ....... 2.02 a 1.41
C ra.. 4.4 p 2.8 1.20
ao vil .... 1) 3.29 a 2.14
Sp artanburg.. 8.18 p 4.26 a 8.19 1.
iltlney. . 6.05 a 4.10 p.
.22. a 4.30 1)..
Gastonia............3.08 U. .1 1)
Ciaarlotto. ...20 1 O i6.-b) 1 .
'imiVille.712.00 a 11.40 p)115 I '.35.p
lt1c0.raouid .... 6.0 a 14.40 p 1 .00 a ....
2.25 In11.43.p0.41 a .10 .
I'll. ... 2d.0l ia .1. 10.10.a
Now York.... 2.3.63 1. a.
No. 37Nu.a., No11. 1 .. . .
Dall aily1i 11i liy E)-XSuu
New Yorkt 1'.l4t 4.30 p112 .15 1l. .
........ 7.43 1 .' ........
I'dilaol.l.i .. e. p. 2.2 a 1.41.........
I ltamrnu.9.. p 520 p 1.42 ............
-------------5.2 10 ...
Richm6ond. .8 p05 a12. 3 p .......
Wa-tango... ... 5.0 a..0.......
Danville. 7.0.. ; 6.10 p 7.06 a.
Charlotte ...9.35 ti 1104) p 12.120 p'
Illacksburt.. .. 10.47. 1.5 a 2.00 p.
..........08 2.18 p.
Spartaniburg. . 11-.:17 a I.Wx a 3.0-1 1) .
12.28 p; 1.52 a 4.40 1).
:mirall...... 1.10 p 2.4) y1 6.45 p
Toccoa ...... ........1 3.64 a' 6.56 p.
Mlount Airy.........7.35 1, 6.30a
Corn.lia..nd....6.0 a 7.:48 4 p 6.a
Lala ................4.47 a 8.01 p. p 7.t2a
Gaiti svillo.... 3.31 p &.04 a 1. 7 p 7.3 a
Hilfordi. .. ..900 a3' 7.60
Norcross ...... ..33 pn 8.27
AtNt OkiP. 4.6 p 6.23 a0.30 p 9.30 ki
AtlantaCtia. 3.55 p 7.25 aI9.1pS.0a
Aal.in r --- . p. aI. . noon
aos37 sid 38- -W10.311igto, iiaid Sotawesteru
itibchod 1itted1'laoug2. pullnaun slepers
eol Now York and Now Orloas, via p .0 .
on. Atlanta and Motgory. and also be
KinSlomt'nt ....... ......n1.3 Mop
oil. akbud.. 12, .4in a Sl2.1in ar0 puwe
GruetadDvillo. 12.2 I .2a4 .. ...aboo
Wes mistr. ........u ......de. O e rpl... ,.
Co n or. ... .... C rln .. .:8 y .3 a
LuGla---.... .... . .47 60LP .2 V
A"6 .". p. . aM"n '." hngt.
osanden3ed -Wschindton and Sotwstr
Tle uimbted.Th rouhiian epr
Cheton..At.ant.and.Motgomery 7.nd an
osporiany...Unt.d..t......'.. Mi.1 !Pull
tewry Ne Yrk
itos ad 22P.nnSlein pa bewen
knbio..Dan .......n...;r ..nsboro.
IlonPs...Ag' ........ AsGeea Pa10s A'
Anero. ........ IYESprned..a.. n
H. G11EN, J. ailyLP
Waemnwrne n. _._Was i No.1,.
uenily..... h.1........ 0 6a
Ch~aston......................0 a m
Couba ............... ....11a m
.ro... r.. ...... .................. ....1.45 pam
Donalrrys.............. .........1127p m
Clinton..... xS................2.38 pmir
Lareoo.....xS.............I1.0 p m
Ninety-.... .............. 1.37 pm
G~renoo ......u................40 a.7pm
Clone ...........................10 am=
Nebbeilr........................ 2.50 p m
Andseri........................ .2.0 ptm
S8ea .. ............6.6 p m
A a t ................ 8 . 0 ~pm
ATIONS Daily iyiai
16. o. 8. ISTAIONSI~o14.No 68.
Greeille........ At.... ......... I145am
aPld o 1 . .............. ..tu ." l.... 10.47 am
aWil lastn. ..no........ ......... 1l.0 am
Abbevillm Ar...,........... a ..... .31. p m
aNinety-Spx ...orlb~ .............. 1080pm
Lamu6r0ens r Auniov...... ........i0__a
Cinto lE Sutn.... . an....... div.sionm
Caleesmton............. ......'. ..8.00pm
liewa.en (olumbiauad Limiev).
sin. leDaily rvillA.ad DiIsay
bou|No. 8. | Sa A IO ,N. 14pmad62au., No 1.
a mdWm LVntt oubdl.6Ar. .m.5.49~~.
2.2 m 2.0p (V....bAlo.. Li 3td.0m24
tin lea.10e Sen..aA. nd. C.0visi no.a
, 2.0 .0pm. n 3 . U in.. "out.0o5pm .0
an 8 .00 p.mm".. oevle 24p 1p
ins 15.apmd 16 AetweniAhLville0and.G
Prains 6 Spranbur, and Cr dtvhson,
na ledind osutoun A.00 il. m.,.0p
1.37 ala., SleptinguCed Lmtd).
and v 88renvilA. A0. aDviio.Dvio,
h bound, 8.H2.4p., HadW.27pm,Vs
led imited) othoud 1.52. mUL.40,
Wans hiavSngto, . 0 .Dvsonrh
la mak(~e enncto Buat Columbia wit 0.