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The Easley messenger. (Easley, S.C.) 1883-1891, February 22, 1884, Image 1

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Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn93067656/1884-02-22/ed-1/seq-1/

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VOL. 1.] EASLEY, SOUTH CAROLINA, FIZI1AY, FEBrUAR.Y 22,1881.[N
The Way of It.
TFhe vind is awake, little leaves, little
lea v es,
I leed not wvhat. he says--he deceives, lie
deceives : :
Over and over
To the lowly clover
I He has lisped the same love and pledg
ed himself triue
As he'll soon Le lisping and pledring
to you.
T'ihe boy is abroad, daiity Iulid, daitty
mlaid,
I eware his soft words-1'm afraid,
I'm afraid :
Ile's said thei before
Times many a score.
Ay, he died for a dozen. cre li*s b ird
pricked throughl
A< h1'l soon be dlying. 11y pretty, for
'Ih.e way of the boy is thl.' way of tte
wvind,
A.- light as the leaves is (1;ainlty ntiiid
kind
One to deceive
And otie to believe
That is the way of it, year to year
!,mt- I kntow you will learn'i it too late,
GOOD JOKE ON A JLJJDE
BY T. B. BALDW1N.
[Writtenl for the Texas Siftingsf .
lion. Jlenjamia1 Fitzpatrick, who
was Governor to Alahama from
18411 to 18-15, Came of a family re
nowned for practical jokes. ]Ie
was not such an1 irr1pressible jes
terI as some of his brothers and
other relatives, but he too had a
(ecidedly large pump of that brand
of humor, as the following true
story told me by a near relative of
Lis, will show :
At one time he held the oflice of
State Solicitor, or what is called in
some States, District Attorne;
Montgomery, his place of resi
(denc, and Wetumpka were in his
district. .Judge Cannon was the
presiding oflicer at the time of
which I am writing'.
Court had( just closed at Monit
goflery and1 was to openf ne~xt (lay
at Wetumpkca. There was not a
railroad in the State of Alabama
at that time, and1 the oflicers and
lawyers of the dlistrict 'took the
round1s' either oni horseback or in~
huggies.
Judge Cannon, and an elderly
attorney whom .1 shall (call Jonas,
traveled together iu a buggy,
drawni by a pair' of laro-e mulne.
Jonas was rathej an e!Teminate
looking man destitute of beard,
and almost bankrupt in the matter
of cranial foliage. What little he
had 'grew along the lower edges of
his dome of thought, while the up
per precincts were as barren as the
Staked Plains, Jonas allowed
these scatity strands to grow as
long as Mother Nature would let
Ihein, andl he would brush them
back in such a manner as to entire
ly cover the (enuded table lands
above, and twist them together be
hind, and hold them in place by a
I'tucking comnj,' snch as is worn by
ladies.
With his hat on, Jonas d(id not
lreseut a particularly ecentric ap
pearaiice, but, whenseen for the
first tiie barehieaded, lie was real
ly a mi rth-provoking object.
Oni the occasion of which I am
writi n1g, Fitzpatrick rode oi horse
back to Wetumupka, and passed
Judge Cannon and his friend Jo
nas on the way.
A 'ev niles from the city he,
crossed a 'shallow olough' of rathler
muddy water, which was sonic 200
yards wide. After crossing, he!
dism)ount1ed, built an immlense fire
of brush and pin-knots, and then
proceeded to disrobe, ianging his
garments arou nid the fire as though
he was (Irying them.
In1 a little while his I lonor and
Mr. Jonas arrived at tle further
edge of the water, when Fi tzpat
rick, arrayed in a single garnent,
(an undershirt) veilled out: 'Don't.
drive in there, Judlge, for Heaven's
sake !.it's at least ten feet dleep in
the middle, and you will drown
sure!'
Thme II OnorabfiI le Co urit andI (hIis
companion then~t held a brie-f consul
teItioni, whmen they dlecided~. that the
p~resent outlook was anything but
flattering. T hey also decided to
take Fitch's advice (Fitch wa~s a
sort of nlickname 01' contriaction for
Fitzpatrick), unhitch their mules,
and~ swim over, as heC said lie had
d1one. iNot: calrrrg to get thir
clothes Wet anid having to stop) to
dr1y them as Fitch was dloing (or'
ra'tther' seeed to them doing) they
concluded to str'ip off before they
started up)on their peCriIons ridle, tie
their clothing ump in smnall bundles
anid hold tihemi over their heads as
the'y swamn their miibls nIOn.
Once across they Couldt resume
their raiment and walk the rest ot
the wa-y t., We- uinpka, or ride their
bare back mules, as they saw fit.
.By thIs time Fitzpatrick began an
rather hasty resumption of his gar
ments, saying that lie would hum ry
on to town and send a buggy back
to meet Iis Honor and his friend.
Ile did not start, however, until he
saw his victims neairly acro-s the
dirk and shalHow water.
'he two legal luminaries present
ed anything but a spectacle of dig
nity (and reverence, to be sure;
with no article of clothing on ex
Cept aI s!ovc-pipe h:at, riding bare
batck mnles with blim(l bridles aindl
buggy harness on, wvith one hand
Onulsivl clas)to Lg a sniall 1111
die ahoN e their- Ieads;, vhile the
other clutched in a viise-like gip1 a
tuft Of mane, for neither of 1hem1
Could Sw'i1 a v-1A.
Thsthey tremlingkl.ly enlteredV
the Slough. Fit tzpa.trick afterward
sanid that he would willingly have
given a 1unidred dollars to have
hladI somo of' his lga comra~.-des
with him to enjoy the fun.
Suppresused lgter ab i bu1rst
hlis d ia.phln rim, as1 - on1ward the di'r
niefid Judge anl sdellm barriter
cam te ~lShihig thriouigh: knee-deep
water, momentarily expectinge to
phtinge into aI ton foot ab !There
Was no portion of the wate'r ''ver n
foot and a-half d eep !
Asi they ne-ared tihe f ur ith t-r s'hore
F itzpatiick moun iited his horse and
r'o(de on to Wetumpka, le:ving 'le
Court' -And his comrlade it) eiljoy the
discovery of his wN icke1 ls(ll.
T he hotel at which the Judge and
visitingo Cattorneys alwalys stoppedI
wvas kept by at very prim and some
well acqua inted with 'C(ol . Fi tch,
~Judge Cannon, andi~ most of the
Montgomery lawy ers~ ; but she had
niever seen Jonas.
he old ladly had numter'otu
qluestionis to ask 'Col. Fitch' about
himself' andI some (of hi s brIot her at
ornerxs wh 1halud not vet arived
W ~ith a'uurosetpeso Cl
F'itchi' tol her that lhe hado passed1
Judoge Canntoin some ilies back
'but was very s3orry to finrd thant ht
was b)ringinzg t ha~t ol woman ai: h lon
with him.'
'What old woman u? It is wife?'
asked the land(1lady.
'INo in~dCCol11' emdii~ Fitch. 'Tlh,
Judge has no wife.' It's a great
pity he hasn't. - If he had a good
wife perhaps her influence might
restt'ain him from traveling over
this julieial distridt in the compa
ny with a female diressed in male
attire.
The old hotel mistress was thor
oughly shocked that 'such a nice,
modest, wellbehaved old gentleman
as Judge ('annon should thus dis
grace himself,' anl she suggested
the passibility of Fitzpaiick's be
ing mistaken about it.
'It is a fact, iniadaim,, lie solemn
ly assured her. 'No one would
suspect heri Sex at first sight, so
well disguise(l is she, but if you
NN ill no4ice ca'1refully when she re
imovezs her hat., she has her hair
(n up11 ill a little GICcial knot.
and fastiened behind with a regular
ladies tluickin.-coinb. It is really a
crying s'imme the way the old by
pol-Ite has been acting lately, and
if you do n1ot WInt the relputatioll
of your hotel ruined, you better
not let tliem put upi here.'
The old lady was ablaze with
indignation, and she said she 'was
just eachina' to see the old vily an
and tell hii wlat she thought of
Ihimux.'
About dusk Judge Cannov and
his haldhieadedC ) companioi drove
up The eveninr was rather cool,
and the little office of the hotel was
nearlly full of newly arrived law
yers, to whoml Fitzpatrick had just
related 1 the deep-water joke,' as he
styled it, and also what he had told
the landlady about 'lIis Honor'
ad11(1 his femalc traveling co mpall
ioll.
They were all gi vnhg the Judge a
hearty greeti 11g. wh enl in Sailed the
old landr~lady, w ith the hauteu r of a
ductihess. Walking boldly upj to
the Juidge. that good-natured dig
nitary, with his~ facee wreathedl ini
smiles, held out his hand with,
'Ilow -ho you (do, my dlear' madlam;
I am r'eah.Iy glad.--'
'D~on,t youi come around here a
- dear muadainig' meC, you old1 white
w ~ash1ed gr'axvard ! ' she fairly
shi ieked. 'You and1( that lantern
awdol wenich' (shakinig her fin
ger wen ngyin Jonas's face)
'canl jest gettleor (1p folI (kids an'
skip ; y'ou ou t-daciouis old heath
en !'
[(N)Nciom.:i oN sIcox~) 1) 'Au1

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