Newspaper Page Text
AFTER MANY YEARS
Never Can Tell When Advertising
The man Is not a grouch; far
He is a successful merchant on
Canal street. He pays his bills, and
does the right thing In other than fi
But he does not know much about
advertising. He advertises in nearly
all the cheap dodges that are pre
Sented to him. With him advertising
Is an expense, and not an Invest
If he should, some day when he
gets a little more money, ever go back
.-...to the soil, It Is doubtful if he
wouldn't kick on planting any seeds
that'would not come up the very
next '" bring a large profit.
When a solicitor for the "Fair
Book" went to him to talk about the
:advantages to be derived from bring
tng several hundred thousand dollars
the city during fair week, he looked
#Loughtful for a moment and'then said
be would think It over.
Nothing would change that attitude.
He wanted to think it over. The mis
- inar.y for the fair went away and
returned the next day, hoping that the
merchant's thoughts had been steered
in the right direction.
"Nothing doing," said the mer
chant, when the hopeful solicitor
ehoved his nose in the doorway. "I
have been looking over my'books, and
I fail to see where the Fair does me
any good. My sales are never larger
that week tian at any other time in
I' W." observed the solicitor, "you
can't expect every man who brings
money here during fair week to walk
straight to your store with it and
shove It under the door if you chance
to be out. You've got to wait for
some man who wants something in
your line to get hold of this new
money and bring It to you."
"Nothing doing," Insisted the mer
Now, the solicitor was prepared to
demonstrate-with a fountain pen and
a pa'd of copy paper-that a certain
Sper cent of all the actual currency
<.handled In his city Is every year In
vested In the sort of goods this mer
anf sa-le. Have you
ever figured tat out?
But that merchant would not listen.
He would not 'ren give the solicitor
a couple .of 'ours In which to make
limself understood on the law of aver
ages. If the money that came to town
in the pockets of Fair- visitors during
the Fair didn't reach him the first day
the visitors struck the. city, that set
He was willing to admit that the
Fair would be likely to bring a heap
of money to the city, but he expressed
tihe further conviction that If his fel
low merchants got hold of It first that
would be the end of it for him. He
knew he had to pass his own cash
receipts out to Tom, Dick, Harry and
the good Lord only knows who else.
but he seemed to think that his con
temporaries kept theira.
Well, while the merchant and the
solicitor argued over the matter Un
cle Ike came into the store and sat
down by the radiator near the desk.
Uncle Ike Is a favored character there.
He sat listening to the war of words
fcr a time, and then hunched closer
to the speakers.
"Nothing doing," he heard the mer
chiant saying. "What I wouldn't get
-during the Fair I wouldn't get at all."
"That's funny, too," said Uncle Ike.
' What's funny?" demanded the
-Uncle Ike grinned at the Fair man.
"Ever hear about Aunt Sarah's new
dik dress?" he askedi, pretending to
lgnoreothe merchant, but, all the same,
him out of the corner of a
" It was funny about the
Come on. Uncle Ike," the merchant
said. "You've got a story secreted
about your person somewhere. Out
The merchant wasn't overly anx
bous to hear the story just then, but
be was anxious to have the stream or
eloquence pouring out of the solicitor
shut off. Even the stories of a lazy
old man were preferable to the long
winded arguments of the Fair book
"Aunt Sarah would go to the
World's Fair," Uncle Ike began, "and
the worst of It was that, she had 'no
one to go with her but me, her long
sufferin' brother. Someway, we al
ways called Sarah 'Aunty.' - I got into
the notion by hearin' others call her
that, and just dropped into the habit,
although I am her brother.
"So Sarah and me started off to the
World's Fair. Sarah gave mec the
money she had saved up for the trip,
and I put It with mine. Altogether,
we had somethin' o-:er $100 in cash.
besides the return tickets, an' felt
like we could buy abou~t everythin'
there was in Chicago If we wanted to.
I kept the money in an inside pocket
of my vest, an' kept the vest buttoned
up mighty tight, at that.
"The reason Sarah did not want to
carry It was that she had a brand new
silk dress, made by Almira Tahmadge
out of the best silk to be botight at
Simon's new store. She was proud as
a peacock of that new silk dress. She
used to keep lookin' behind her (;r
the Fair grounds to see was effct its
magnificence was a-cr-eatinl'. She
thought it was about the sweilest
- thing that ever took a year's savmngs
up to get.
"You know how it was in Chicago
World's Fair year-hot and close and
crowded-with a let of hotels jus'
knocked up out of pine boards and
furnished with stuff from the install
ment stores. We got into one of
them hotels down neair the Fair
"Sarah's room was right next to
mine, an' there was a transom over
each door.. We had been there a
week, and was most ready for a
square meal back on the old hum
stead when somethin' happened.
About 1 o'clock in the mornin' I
heard Sarah a-poundin' on the inch
pine wall between the rooms an
shoutin' like she was crossing of the
dark river an' no boat in sight.
"I hits the floor mighty quick.
thinkin' of all I had heard about
tbl-ua a' inardarars in. .Chcam an-'
rances into Sarah's room. I uinds
3ara'h in a panic, a-rockin' back an'
!orth on the side of her wrenchin' an'
;creechin' bed, an' a-lifting up her
voice like all go-bang.
"'Oh, Ikey,' she says to me. 'I've
been robbed. I folded up my new
silk dress in a neat package and hun,
ft on the wall there, an' now it's g-n
Some man reached right through the
transom an' took it. I saw his ht.d.
"There 4afn't no use tryin' to efln
sole a woman for a new silk dress
when it's been stole from her. so '
didn't try. I just stood there and ex
pressed my opinion of Chicago. from
Kensington to High Ridge avenu~e.
"'Now, Ikey,' says she to me. when
I stopped on account of havin' nothin
more to say that was original. 'I'm
never goin' back without that new
silk dress. I'd be the laughi' stock
of everybody. You've get to take
enough of ,our money an' buy me i
new silk dress. I'll save up eggs and
butter money until I've paid you
"It might be a mistake," said I.
"You lie quiet for a day or two an
mebbe the party what took the Cress
will bring it back. In the meantime
I'll advertise it in the newspapers.
'So I went baek to my room tospu
on my new suit, an' the vest wasn
under my pillow where I had put it
It was tucked away'in a co~r.ncr undpi
the bed. When I looked in the inri <
pocket there wasn't any more mone5
there than a robin could ca-rry in hh
left eye. An' us with the hote! bl
only half paid and the tickeos h'cl
home gone. I could see the fins fol
the nepv.' silk dres:s.
"I ain't a-goin' to tell yo w-hiat I
said to Sarah for losin' of -her Cress
nor yet what she said to me fo. los
in'. of our money. She woidn't g(
out of her room until I got tnonQ:
from home. an' I was mighty hunr,
before I thought of pledgin' my nev
gold watch. But I put the ^dvertise
ments in as soon as I could. and of
fered a'reward for the return of th<
"So we went back home an' wait
ed eighteen years for that new sill
dress to be brought back. Every let
4er Sarah's got in all that time looke
f9 her like it had a hint about tha1
dress In it. until she got it open
"'Don't be impatien't.' Iised to sa3
t'o? her. 'Give the advertisement
chance to percolate.' So she waited
and I waited, and the other day I
"What's that?" demanded the mer
chat. "You never got that silk dresi
back again, did you? Where was I
allIat time? Who stole it?"
It wasn't stole," replied Uncle Ike
,A man who was leavin' the hote
Jched Ahrough' the wrong transon
an' got it. It was three weeks befor;
he found out his mistake, and ther
there was no tracin' the occurant o
that room. Well, sir, not long ago, h
bought some seed, onions of a farmer
and the farmer's wife went to the gar
ret and brought out an old, old news
paper to wrap them up in. On th<
way home he not'iced ;the paper was
dated World's Fair year. and so h<
read. it, leind of to bring that tim<
back to his 'mind, I guess. And thor<
he saw the advertisement for Sarah'
new black silk dress. After more that
eighteen y'ears that advertisemen
brought results! I hearrd you tw<
talking about advertising. and
thoght I'd -tell you -about Aun
Sarah's new silk dress."
"Is that right?" askcd theme
"Sure: The dress came back goo:
as new. Hadn't never been taken or.
of the pack-age. so it was wrinkle
some. but Sarah's wearin' of it toder
Made over? Why, yes, a Ii ' bu
it's a pretty good dress y-'Js
that funny? After eighter ' years."
"And if you don't get returns th:
same day," laughed the agent, turn
ing to the merchant. "you think yo'
have been defrauded."
"I begins to look to me," said the
merchant. "as if you brought Unel
Ike in here to tell that story! Any
way, I'll take that advertisement. I
it doesn't bring results for eightee:
years I may be dead, but ray son wil
be right here in business, and he']
get the benefit of it."
You never can tell when a preneria
written advertisement will brirng te
sults. A mail order man told a friend
th other day, that it was the adver
tsing he did last year that was sellin:
geds for him now.-Alfred 1B. Tozer
in The Michigan Tradesman.
"Oh. hubby. I had a dreadful dreatr
"What did yeu dream about?"
"I dre-amed that in all the wcrli
there were no shop windovws."
OUT OF THE GINGER JAR.
How much can~ the pullet?
The tomato can, but will it?
A rat in the trap is worth two in the
At any rate the clam knows enougi
to shut up.
It is useless to advise an aviator no'
to "go up in the air," for that is his
Home-made things are often the
best. Especially is this true of the
The man with his all invested ir
mining stock is seldom in a positiot
to rest on his ore.
If, as aleged, the main business o'
ife is making money, it is amazing
the number of people who fail at it.
The ostrich is only secondarily re
sponsible for the big millinery bills. I'
does not part with its feathers will
It is reported that in some sections
last summer the robins nested onth
ground in order to reduce the ecost o:
high living.-Farmn Journal.
EPIGRAMS ON WOMAN.
Women go further in love than maos!
men, but men go further in friendshil
than womn.-Jeanl De La Bray er".
Woman delights in the pu:-e and no
be; she brooks ,the ignoble and gross
-Frederick W. Morton.
Men say more evil of women that
they think; it is the contrary witl
women toward men.-S. Dubay
A woman's rank lies in the fullnes:
o h'er womanhood; therein alone sht
is royal.-eorge Eliot.
nting- is hatter than a good wife,
who is fond of ;:C--a '.?x.--- :
The first thing men un:::o
they love is to exhibit thIr us :tines:
and advantages to the oL.ect ci thei:
affection. Women make light cf there
asking only love.-Raiph Waldo Emer
Theologians depiore Eve's taste an:
appetite, but philosophers give hcr
vote of than1:,s. If sl:2 ldnt htter
that apple in the garden, we shoul
all save beggars and tramps, be out. C:
a job.-Frederick W. 2Iorton.
Roosevelt's Plan Ur.wse.
Any tyro Will perceivo that MN r
Roosevelt proposes nothing no::- H.
plan Is a most ambitious :
government control of practically al
important business. The mre bcin
nings of such control would mean :
tremendous bureau exerc'isiing tro
mendous powers, and if it were adopt
ed we should have a stupendous ad
ministrative agency in Wasidncor
which would mak~e all others pale int
Point Not to De Overlookcd.
While the American Anti-Trus
league Is hiring halls to derounct
men in official station who "Surren
dered to Steel" it should not overLool
Theodore Roosevelt. Not that any
body Is likely to forget it, but mere!
that the biggest surrenderer of thon
all deserves the main load of bl
%whenever the subject is discuSSe'dI. I
the Americaln Anti-Trust league reall
wishes to do the country a serv:ce i
should pound away everlastingly a
the question: "How much. if any
thing, did steel contributo to Corne
lius Bliss for Roosevelt's eampaigi
Chicago Merci.'r - -
cap of icc
There is on'.."
'1who pcssereCs, 0! ..ay
defeat into vieto y...i....
ca-me during the at. c 'd
spell, when 'ro. c o.: 0 * o
store :nowto that '
- impossible for er-or: on
walk to see TheO 0:,y fgod
tjto makie out :1.-:rn c:'-,h
dows. For a hl:tee
merchant timi 'ho only
I WI's to butolbole the 'ae:C
lead thc:u into hi3 sho" V t
eold to coasidvr such a step, Lo'v
so he set hiu.salf a thi:: im;am
last worked o6bt a plan that gave l:ir
a distinet advantz:s over his nietgi
-His ica v:as to Ic't l*trc Tri-s:
for him inm:tead of agi~t hm.
careless artist avycr. I :-E
the m.erchant let thPfr
a thick crust on thein
taking a brush di;.- ia
he applia~d it to his tep
and dashed off su::.c l
that was easily visibl r
This reqcuire'd slight *e m
time to tine, but ther ' a
frost for th~e bachgroun a
To a person vwalk~ngao
the other vwindows presen..
opaque front by' rao m
When, however. hjis ee c i .u 1
dashing frost written wind':: "d
nouncimg a recdtction at ... :.
to $1.33 and an ov?erwhe:uing rone
pigofIn the price of ear enc>a
mferhe wa.s raoved to go in .
EXPERIEN'CE GREAT TEACHSE
But There !s No Compuo!sory Educ2
?tion Lasfor Acverisers Says
"Experience is a gyeat te ce.
says Printers' I-nk. 'bu ther: ~ isp.
any law compelintg at'e"rn"*ce at
The other day a oh':!a ' cie ca .
to hand-the sevenih c'- eighth ' f
series from a New EnL ct TP
letter began: "iz Foreyuhm '!
letter into the wa;~e-h~~tve' '
admit that I am rin pria
What (Ise was-in the. circulr r-r
cipint knoweth not, bec'a"se ath
point, the writer having madec it t
clear that he expected lhls r:ssivc
go to the wast-bascet. into the wast
basket It went.
There Is no law'., to paraphrna
Printers' Ink. compelling the clircul:
Izer to attend the school of e..?:
ence. If six'or seven ietter's fail
produce resu!ts he sends a scvec':
eighth. And douhtiess there v i i
a tenth, and mayhap a cwin. .\
of' which' is good for the primer. n
so profitable for theO "' ert"e
If three-quarters of the 'oney t
is now spent for f::tihe ci'r '1"r
should be spent for rev's":'e
tising in strong. iufl:''tial m''
Ithe campailgn 0:'a: this f
all be inusy telh::: the "c"er
Ihow~ th~eir r*ctv paties w K'
ttled to the ere" 'i fo a u" ir
dented1 wave of pin's:eiy
Generosoity in. Advertiemr~s
pecally c'ai ' h t r up ot
byCr:tinu vre ~
do the s:::' om -
country A :\ "Pri
itale fa::s a e ':ie
adveroteme' in th" C
men and r'i""T' ee
$i.00Q i" co:::' ' e
ser'ationl "o ".:::Ke.3
and religion comut -:
Iits adverC.tisement s i .'..
lic and Jew, and) ::res~ a:1
their rilaces of pa blic r
Garbage Caui Advertising.
ciyo otgomery Aif. wit '
number of saniar ,c.r gen
teci c o \' ission w!! a :e o
mt at certai 'amat of ad?e?
a l- 011 en at .i C'e
tha th- ley
*1 .~. ?
1~ I I"
Cces [dcre T'. At:ri g E!se to:
Render Pecple IncaPable cf Wit:
stan,::ing >any !!Is.
One of . 1:3 many
'wc-'t to ta:e Cpo ty to fr C -Enly
-wronwn- . - :qtnw Of alecon 'li
<rrk is D:-. Q. ' A-' ocIee . n.
WE= of patLe~. ,t C:rI
university. I,:-. E. . D . ' Woo i njoO
.us: '- ho' --- - - ar and s tr
1. nnd As Fet fNMI :M NlOWs:
"Aicoholi: 'eh~ -h'rnt m
:tant 2: i: Me oduction of
(IISOOse. it due 00n.ore I!:: a.thirg
Cs: to re'-i e incapablc of
VO-mar.- -n.. Alcohol PnrC,
pares the h-uian bcir to:- the attacks
of isease, .i t as <d the :trOe
heot of the :at :o.. , he straw for
th engi::e : !q ste t : fir . it
c:n be p-:c a chi t::k : in
co:.:p1~atl :c -nai.''::: :iesinter
feres '.; :-' i . - h
f'-a.s -- - ens --: . l.:t ci-r:i~ n
suh~mar .: 1:go::c !cs netiv and
to do :h--r work so :eil
s .:a. The h h etv'e:-n disease
:and thean su1are:1be 0s a~ir.
1h er~ i : -i - i : 1 .c.
ti 1. i:: vd 0- 1ady an: S 1 0 p
t: ; : s. Duri :::. ' li-" in t to
Years the iea:h r;:tp froma conrum
i iWs been liin I'o ido:t
the vae .n w s -10 : en . in !!
:, 1 -V tvnr. ! Q w--nin in re:.:ard
to hv f 'hat i- ,hi s co:ntry
((~a- Er:) the GO" 4W1 h
07;,.- em e n -:0, nQ-'.% fo
7.'.e0 r S" he i i e Popu laon to
S.I.55 par head!. w:h:w s in Frane it
: gyai re in this country wit
top 0000l:. of :he con~njio if Kl
C . ' :.:; om a a lour 0'::a. rl te
f:.ni W osren iis ',\e <do ::ot ::ay this
v, Om , ta o v heO peo
VC: t tIm trS i -: have o::e a na to
:hr tari -L,::-e::',h r' cn
n :0* ge n7.3 hav e'.: w a;
:" - : i'cn:. . in the an O"flut
'-'-cl (t (""~ ff l To grea d1fi t.
tifmo~y sp:ton d :k. This is a
"-e, ; i:: e, have to do
'll v'o cn to po'nt Pout toC the"eopl
I. - ..,. - -- fC '" : dir' e h ::ncetion
of ::coo! cn:-nmet. T get ri of
cl or n c\iyoio itswokz Sthon
-oolist a!: of ilragfand
:r n the grd ftramcts th.
nr.tst-: a ec the hluas nn Lit
tori or - r'-1 ta s i ght 0
-o hav roctort l'ow
C - -.~--- n to- :' e artp ofGo"
-.l e m e s u.. i.- .. . o
Arrtacic:ne- o ur1Tafc
"Or :i' higni too ru': tra:c sth
grats:" the-ane rno-s': kon. It
raro vitimsour r-theu nrcur:se traght
'imios ~r.:ya ve:-e do I stand.
T ot: a3 e"a r:0.; ttotol!:n oo
-T *e: '"'"0os t t17 hear \'o5fl" Go
v::m airs -:cr evil thoing. ash~
';!. -"W -: i: .a t pu cirme a :no
r~geaa~n :rf-arve carn, hel
a-t ne yno:rnan:wer.
"O i' ' 1:a is too muc trub.
r-. ns yo-u rstfasy:
- - - , ' - n -, .
B.ioLinCicg -Jl.e -
Opprtdy::va s is t see
a:: ut uen-raly cia ffor y
. Lo Io j-ude hou -."
sne v" 1:: co'sd: onr
c:reeto re :**1 e C)
I t take.Q S ab yohc fe I
ta ri -:-pem so dIct it
'0k .:u . r :C1' "
rirt' forth oiedi:e LUo V ko
ircle; ~ncil cr vi to mer uc:
a:- to t to make Ier
S oeb d Y a1-: d m- 6r mea n i~ C
~oly 5an, sif)i npyam
!.Ch forg-I gts n sa rn.
.celfle henicrail!y ecme1s to us VCni
e to car.-eo
ar nChi-cago Journ173al.
SN APS LiTS A T HU00OR
:MTost eopo can find time to 11:d
A Iharp app>etite can get along with
a dull knife.
It doesn't uilZC an actor to make up
"r lost time.
Lonz-hac d people aro seldom
The LroiutZ with tho dead beat is
at he never <cs.
Ma:y a igh:y ::mail man looks
own ca his neighbors.
Som2 cf uv are poor because we
ave too ma1yr1.
No man rn be t;uly happy without
wel develc;cd ability to forget.
3an ai man pts up a bluff without
:.: slce::t attention to the foun
Nevr tiia man jnst what :you
1ink of him i.::oer you are bigger
SmacgiraweCi likea 10 mar
!c ihr.ba: ban~d. Other: iitill
ree a e~ wedn ?rig.
o:: -::bat she can .; :rtd y."'l
Ifa recondl e:.ar had to bi'a
'n it shuld2 i.aVC been a 'WOmanl.
Time areti.reeC aom fcoC
- (:--.- . Co lr and :,-ca i. -.' n .
B : .:-:1-lnov~ w sae .
A wo: al-as *X~p~ s you to ro
aebrher bsirtihlay, b::t the alsio exc
ets :-cu to fcrge't her age.--. L.
The Arti-st-Myr piciure is s:id so)
ht no one wils it. The Artirt:
\E2C~-Cheer iu', dear. P'erhaps somae
N-o matter hov: ittioe :c oe our
:eihtcre. we can see no good reason
-y the:: sihouldint hae a kindiy feel-~
I WOli not giVC t'.Cp:'e fun ner
:ho( (~, cal in es.i a C'hristian, doe's
vry d:yan1.7 . .~ 2Co.2' ov.r it
FFiOMi TH E PENC!L'S POSNT
Every man l.o-:: better than he
If ignorance is Liiss, why so many
Poverty woud seems easier if it
asn't st. lorng drawn out.
Many a mian is credited wiih things
that are not to his credit.
Sorue :nen commune with the spirits
md usc a bartender as the medium.
And every: mother'sr son o! 's ex
ects to strike it rich someo da.
Any fool can pikaso a v'.omar, but
'ae in wc''an unia hei mr
11 Jstuy a devoted i iusin 'no
en'wice whin iP wife *~ calls
Otnms in* blc
Threma b ne En'uo
THOUGHTS OF LOVE
- o tn
- :'"''ai to th~e i
-X::-Iiorace WX. C.
oen p1:,> tt a
an has ye boan.
>mfortabke "aap -1 eor
tary pedestal Is o n h
.. ~n.--. r-- : o brod -Curtis
Su ifats and Children.
The KinA You Have
r~ ~ ~ ~ 7:j; 11
W, Bears the Buh
L-:- n _ .,,.M ,
K Zi IL - S S For Over
T hirty Years
Exac co--rOf Wa-zpzrTHE OCKAORCOMPANY. NEW YORE CITy.
~ - ~
/f -a ETAL
9 - I I '7 SHINGLES
-M . No d-no bother, and When ame
laid they make a thoroughly storm- ro
~.be climed for tbe wood shingle.
e asne tiro e nef ern ne ed ar e pf r o
ctors & Use TMe to orweaeha
- -e..- e~cg 1e)i: - Prescription rezm and h olt uesy
-d ''heeis n r-:a e lT- ;: llnranteeyo that we will taeawy te
'n 1-in dieCd : I i." y Ia I tch theist you eapp tl e ont. u
nL usv , e e r-Ibo:-i-so If rou ae sufritnil fromt ay o rm otf
c 1 rnsm1t e7:1 0 -. n 81,A'ini- trobl we ud t ikdes thae wok
'e :v Inre !- e tI . I0 com to'~ ourttoer we tr a ve adth e'2
Dl I Tie mot '-n". mn o . t ; .:ency oh reedt o r solty prove
ymolc an .t-EifalrE cz-n cea InC -tsfat ere sosuedf ha
a, al thr*i dQ*e: Tn-*.- Dro.D willto or stoe tay a an wil e
r Ee ma.r . :ruarant t h1yuall abt i os t u nthy.
v h... srbi- , . e 1 - - t. Drop itoe our st oraay and
We. oursel.es vNTl-5.46 am
T - -n re pui!;mltsh d o s ir a'ionan
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PICKENS, S. C
C APiT AL- $5
A4ND SUiRPLUS 1VV
INTEREST PAID ON DEPOSITS
..McD Bruce, President.
T. 3M. Mauldin, Cashier.
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'TAL SHINGLES AND
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,HN L. T HORNLEY, Salesman
.BURRISS & SON, Anderson, S. C