Newspaper Page Text
Hard to Stop.
'Pa. what is meant by 'freedom of
t ) oa'?"
"It niun t hat n nation's merchant
, . Ps have in right to go anywhere they
'Do they do that, pa?"
'Na, imy non, Thoro is no such
ite tn 'fr'eedom of the sons nowa
d o yo,' except for ieobergs."
"Mrs. Jones has such winning
"Yen; that is one reason why I
dton't like to play bridge with her."
O + ;9 AGO almost over
or laudanum to ni
.4 , FEW DROPS Tt
F 17 TERE IS NO WA
-' -" or whose health has 1
- . Nino, each of which is a
dd from selling either of ti
b.y without labelling them "I
medicine which relieves pain a
aoses produces stupor, coma, con
ell of medicines containing opium ar<
of " Drops," " Cordials," " Soothing Sy'
medicine to be given to your children
4 of what it is composed. CASTORIA
CONTAIN NARCOTICS, if it bears tl
of Chas. H. Fletcher.
Qonuine Castoria always bears the a
!EW VERSION OF OLD JOKE
'. Bones Gives His Opinion as to
Why a Certain Celebrated Act
"Misto' Interlocutor," began the
id man, "I wants to ax yo' a ques
"Very well, Mr. Bones. What is your
"Why does a chicken cross de
"That is a very old one, Mr. Bones.
,le crosses the road because she
*ants to get on the other side, of
"Yessuh, dat's right, i\l isto' Inter
utor. An' now, since yo is so
tart, mebbe yo' kin tell me why she
- nts to git on de oder side."
"No, Mr. Bones, I'm afraid I can't
il you that. Why does the chicken
Lnt to get on the other side of the
"'Cause dey's a young gemman over
re what's got de price of a ice cream
da in his pocket."-Exchange.
DO NOT HESITATE
4 ro Use Cuticura on Skin-Tortured
Babies. Trial Free.
A hot bath with Cuticura Soap and
utle application of Cuticura Oint
nt at once relieve, permit rest and
ep and point to speedy healment
eczemas, rashes, itchings and irri
ions of infants and children even
sample each free by mail with Book.
dress postcard, Cuticura, Dept. XY,
ston. Sold everywhere.-Adv.
Concerning Women on Juries.
'Do women have to sit on juries if
.y vote?" Dr. Anna Howard Shaw,
asidecnt of the National American
>man Suffrage association was re
'Not necessarily," said Doctor
aw; "but I have seen a lot of jui
s which needed to have someone
on them, and I have known womn-.
who have hadl to stand up at most
leult and dlisagr'eeaible employments
Swould be glad to ait on juries
receive about double the price
v get by standing. And these men
* women who prey uipotn the virtue
;irlhood and boyhood would rather
*Satan himself than a jury of
heris. Yes w1~e needI women on
'od resolutions are inexpensive,
they ate htard to keep.
and Sliced Dried Beef
3oth contain less heat producing
>erties than heavy meats.
Fry them for summer luncheons
..ibby, MCNeill & Libby
E Insist on Libby's at
ho Traicumn of Quality, for rolhiica
plo; Perfume rich, lasting, nd cx-.
te; Powder of velvety whnenes'is.
10 Glass Jars-loc. and 28c.
Sold by all dealers.
CILBERT BROS., & CO.
Didn't Work Both .Ways.
The timid man was about to pay fbr
his luncheon of "ham and" when the
following conversation took place:
"Pardon me, sir, but our rules for
bid us to receive bent or battered
coins from customers."
"But I received that very coin here
yesterday by way of change."
"Very likely, sir. We have no rule
agains giving bent or battered coins
Philadelphia has more divorces in
proportion to population than any
other city in the East.
r mother thought her child must have
ake it sleep. These drugs will produce
)O MANY will produce the SLEEP
KING. Many are the children who
een ruined for life by paregoric, lauda
narcotic product of opium. Druggists
e narcotics named to children at all, or
olson." The definition of "narcotic"
7d produces sleep, but which in poison.
Luisions and death." The taste and
disguised, and sold under the names
ups, etc. You should not permit any
without you or your physician know
YARB DOCTAH WAS TO BLAME
Second Mistake That Medical Advis
er of Negress Had on Record
Guy Hoerner, South Philadelphia
apothecary, was urbanely dispensing
a postal card to a "flapper" when an
Amazonian negress in a calico wrap
per of morning-glory pattern entered
and bulked herself against the coun
"I wants a 'description' filled foh
half-a-dozen five-ounce quinine pills,"
"Why, woman, that pill would par
alyze an ox; what's the matter with
you?" asked the astonished chemist.
"Nothin' de matter wif me," she
answered. "It's foh malh daughter,
and she's some heft. Gladys, she
takes aftah me. Mali husband's
bench-kneed and insignificant."
"But, quinine comes in grains, not
"Well," was the scornful rejoinder,
"it's jest another mistake of dat fool
yarb doctah. Last yeah, when she
had only a misery in her stomach he
got her to swallow a spoonful of bird
shot; said her lights was riz and she
had to weight 'em down."
Johnny Had the Proof.
In instructing a youthful class in
mathematics the teacher turned to
"Johnny." she remarked, "can you
tell me what an average is?"
"Yes, ma'am," was the prompt re
sponse of Johnny. "An average is
what a hen lays eggs on."
"What?" exclaimed the amazed
teacher. "What on earth are you talk
"That's right, Miss Mary," was the
rejoinder of Johnny. "Most every les
son in our 'rithmetic starts off 'If a
hen lays three eggs a wveek on an
"The new play is going to have a
"Yes, I see it's settled dowvn for a
The nmother' tongue has the father
IT SLUGS HARD.
Coffee a Sure and Powerful Bruiser.
"Let your coffee slave be denied lisa
cupI at its app~ointedl time! IHeadache
sick stomach-fatigue. I know it all
in myself, and have seen it in others.
Strange that thinking, reasoning be.
ings will persist in its use," says a To
ie says further that lie did not be.
gin drinkinig coffee until lie wvas twen
ty years old, andl that slowly it began
to' poison him, andl affect his hear-ing
through his nervous system.
"Finally, I quit coffee and the condi
tions slowly dilsappeared, but one cold
morning the smell of my wife's coffee
was too much for' me and~ I took a
cup. Soon I n as dIrinking my regular
allowance, tearing down brain and
nerves by the daily dose of the nefa
"Later, I found my breath coming
hard, had frequent fits of nausea, and
then I was taken down with bilious
"Common sense came to me, and I
quit coffee for good and went back to
Postum. -I at once began to gain
and have had no returns of my bilious
symptoms, headache, dizziness or ver
"I now have health, bright
thoughts, and added weight, where be
fore there was invalidism and the
"My brothier quit coffee because of
its effect on his health and now uses
Postum. Hie could not stand the nerv
ous strain while using coffee, but keeps
well on Postum." Name given by
Postum Co., Battle Creek, Mich.
Postum comes in twc forms:
Postum Cereal-the original form
must be well boiled. 15c andl 25c pack
instant Postpim--a soluble powder-~
dissolves quickly in a cup of hot wa
ter, and with cream and sugar, makes
a delicious beverage instantly. 30c
and~ 50c tins.
Both kinds are equally delicious and
cost about the same per cup.
"There's a Reason" for Postum.
--sold by Groers
The New Fable of the Galloping Pil
grim Who Tried to Sit Down
by the Wayside.
A certain affluent Bachelor hap
pened to be the only Grandson of a
rugged Early Settler who wore a Coon
Skin Cap and drank Corn Juice out of
a Jug. Away back in the Days when
every Poor Man had Bacon in the
Smoke House, this Pioneer had been
soaked in a Trade and found himself
loaded up with a Swamp Subdivision
in the Edge of Town.
Fifty years later the City had
spread two miles beyond the Swamp
and Grandson was submerged beneath
so much Unearned Increment that he
began to speak with what sounded to
him like an English Accent and his
Shirts were ordered from Paris.
On the 1st of every Month the
Agents would crawl into the Presence
of the Grandson of the mighty Musk
rat Hunter and dump before him a
Wagonload of Paper Money which had
been snatched away from the strug
gling Shop-Keepers, who in turn, had
wheedled it from the People who paid
a Nickel apiece for Sunday Papers so
as to look at the Pictures of (he Deco
rations in the Supper Room at the As
sembly Ball graced by the Presence of
the aforesaid Bachelor whose Grand
father had lifted the original Catfish
out of the Chicago River.
Then the Representative of the Old
Family would take a Garden Rake and
pattern all this hateful Currency into
a neat mound, after which a milk-fed
Secretary would iron it out and disin
fect it and sprinkle it with Lilac Wa
ter and tie it into artistic Packets,
using Old Gold Ribbon.
After that, it was Hard Lines for the
Bachelor, because he had to sit by a
Window at the Club and dope out
some new Way of getting all that
Coin back into Circulation.
As a result of these Herculean Ef
forts to vaporize his Income, he found
himself at the age of 40 afflicted with
Social Gastritis. He had gorged him
self with the Pleasures of this World
until the sight of a Menu Card gave
him the Willies and the mere mention
of Musical Comedy would cause him
to break down and Cry like a Child.
He had crossed the Atlantic so often
that he no longer wished to sit at the
Captain's Table. He had rolled them
Had to Dope Out Some Way of Get
ting the Coin Back into Circula
high at Monte Carlo and watched the
Durbar at Delhi and taken Tea on the
Terrace at Shepheard's in Cairo and
rickshawed through Japan and ridden
the surf in Ilionolulu, while his Name
was a Household Word among the
flarnmaids of the Iee Palace in London,
otherwvise knownm as the Savoy.
Occasionally he would return to his
provincial THeme to raise the Rents on
the Shop-Keepers and give out an In
terview criticizing the New School of
Politicians for trifling with Vested In
terests and seeking to disturb Existing
Any time his Rake-Off wvas reduced
from $10 a Minute to $9.98 he would
let out a Howl like a Prairie Wolf and
call upon Mortimer, his Man, for Sym
After Twenty Years of getting up at
Twilight to throw aside the Pyjamas
and take a Tub and case himself into
the Costume made famuous by John
Drew, the Routine of buying Golden
Pheasants andl Special (Cuv~ec Vintages
for almost-Ladies, prteservedl by Beni
zoat. of Soda and other Chemical
Mysteries, began to lose its Sharp
In other WVords, he was All In.
HIn was Trrack-Sore and~ Blase andl
sore as a Crab and full of Ongway. 110c
had played the whole String andi ound
there was nothing to it and now he
was~ ready to retire to a Monastery and~
wear a Gunny-Sack Smoking Jacket
and live on Spinach.
Tihe Vanities of the Night-World had
gt on his nerves at last. Instea'd of
r.itting 8 Feet away froem ani Imnported
Onhestra at 2 A. M- and tnunting his
_sr_____p CoPOe /oe
poor old Alimentary System with Sea
Food, he began to prefer to take a 10
Grain Sleeping Powder and fall back
in the Alfalfa.
About Noon the next Day he would
come up for Air, and in order to kill
the rest of the Day he would have to
hunt up a Game of Auction Bridge
with three or four other gouty old
When the Carbons begin to burn low
in the sputtering Arc Lights along the
Boulevard of Pleasure and the Night
Wind cuts like a Chisel and the
Reveler finds his bright crimson Bran
nigan slowly dissolving itself into a
Helva Headache, there is but one
thing for a Wise Ike to do and that is
to Chop on the Festivities and beat it
to a Rest Cure.
That is just what the well-fixed
Bachelor decided to do.
He resolved to Marry and get away
from the Bright Lights and lie down
somewhere in a quilted Dressing Gown
and a pair of Soft Slippers and devote
the remainder of his Life to a grand
clean-up of the Works of Arnold Ben
He selected a well-seasoned Senorita
who was still young enough to show
to your Men Friends but old enough to
cut out all the prevalent Mushgush
about the Irish Drama and Norwegian
Art and Buddhism and true Symbolism
of Russian Dancing.
Best of all, she had a spotless Repu
tation, holding herself down to one
Bronx at a Time and always going be
hind a Screen to do her Inhaling.
They were Married according to the
new Ceremonies devised by the Ring
ling Brothers. As they rode away to
their Future Home, the old Stager
leaned back in the Limousine and
said: "At last the Bird has Lit. I am
going to put on the Simple Life for
an Indefinite Run. I have played the
Hoop-La Game to a Standstill, so it is
me for a Haven of Rest."
As soon as they were safely in their
own Apartments, the beautiful Bride
began to do Flip Flops and screech for
"At last I have a License to cut
loose!" she exclaimed. "For years I
have hankered and honed to be Dead
Game and back Excitement right ofi
the Boards, but every time I pulled a
Caper the stern-faced Mater would be
at Elbow, saying: 'Nix on the Acro
batics or you'll lose your Number.'
Now I'm a regular honest-to-goodness
Married Woman and I don't recognize
any Limit except the Sky-Line. I
grabbed you because I knew you had
been to all the Places that Keep Open
and could frame up a new Jamboree
every day in the Year. I'm going to
plow an eight-foot Furrow across Eu
rope and Dine forevermore at Swell
Joints where famous Show Girls pass
so close to your Table that you can
almost reach out and Touch them.
I'm going to Travel twelve months ev
ery Year and do all the Stunts known
to the most imbecile Globe-Trotters."
A few Weeks after that, n Haggard
Man with tattered Coat-Tails was seen
going over the old familiar Jumps.
MORAL: Those who Marry to Es
cape something usually find Something
TAIL PROVED GOOD EVIDENCE
Fitted In Its Proper Place It Proved
Conclusively Who Was the Owner
of Disputed Pet.
Two inches of the severed tail of a
dog was resp~onsible for restoring El
Japonis, a white bull pup, to his mis
tress, Mlargarita Valdespino of Ei Paso,
Tex., recently. She was the plaint iff
in a se'questrantion suit filed in Judge
"ilere's our evidence in the case,
your honor," saidl the aittorney repre
senting the plaintiff, unwrapping a sec
tion of the tail of a dog and handing
it to Judge McClintock.
"The court finds," said Judge Mc
Clintock, holding the severed member
aloft, "that this is a part of a dog's
tail. The question to be decided i3
what dog belongs to it."'
*To El Japonis!" exclaimed the
In order to give him the appearance
of a real thoroughbred two inches had
been clipped from the animal's tall.
The severed part had been preservedl.
Judge McClintock scratched his head.
"In order to decide this question,"
he said, "I believe we ought to see
that the tail fits the dog." The at
torney passed the judge the bull pup.
"It Just fits," said the Judge, apply
ing the severed part of the tail to that
which was left on the dog. "I hold
that the plaintiff has produced conclu
sive proof as to ownership."
Took Gold for Her Nerves.
Pulverized geld as a remedy for
shattered nerves figured at K~ansas
City in a suit for $7,500 damages
against the Metropolitan by Miss
Maud Wilson, a teacher in the George
hiaker Logani school. Miss Wilson
wvas struck by a street car in 1919.,
andl testinmony in the circuit court rm
cently brought out the unusual treat.
mont she reqluired. Goldi was atdmin
isteredl in one-sixtieth of a grair
To Drive Out Malaria
And Build Up The System
Take the, Old Standard GROVE'S
TASTELESS chill TONIC. You know
what you are taking, as the formula is
printed on every label, showing it is
Quinine and Iron in a tasteless form. The
Quinine drives out malaria, the Iron
builds up the system. 50 cents. Adv.
"I saw a professor of magic remove
30 yards of ribbon, 14 plumes and 7
buckles from a hat."
"Enough material to trim it nicely,"
commented the party of the feminine
Cleanses the Wounds.
For injuries from rusty nails or any
other external hurts, apply Hanford's
Balsam. It should kill any germs,
eleanse the wound and remove sore
ness. Then quick healing will follow.
On the last day of school prizes
were distributed at Peter's school.
When the little boy returned home
the mother was entertaining callers.
"Well, Peter," asked one of the
callers, "did you get a prize?"
"No," replied Peter, 'but I got a
horrible mention." - Philadelphia.
For chronic pain in the back apply
Hanford's Balsam. Rub it on and rub
it in thoroughly. Adv. ..
A Natural Inference.
"Ali, this world is growing better!
I do not believe there is any danger
of our getting into war. The return
of prosperity is already apparent. This
weather is truly salubrious. All re
ports tell of th' most bountiful crops.
"Look here!" interrupted Gaunt N.
Grimm. "You've had your salary
"I see you have your arm in a
sling," said the inquisitive passenger.
"lBroken, isn't it?"
"Yes, sir," responded the other pas
"Meet with an accident?"
"No; broke it while trying to pat
myself on the back."
"Great Scott! What for?"
"For minding my own business."
Better than a plaster-Tanford's
Balsam when thoroughly applied. Adr.
How to Clean Stone Window Silla;'
In the Woman's Home Compani(n
a Missouri woman told as follows how
to clean stone steps or stone windos
"Get five cents worth of the coars
est sandpaper and rub stone steps oi
stone windows ,sills briskly until al
marks are removed, then simply du1n1
them with a duster or a rag. Thei
will stay white much longer by usimu
this method than scrubbing them wit1
water. I always wear a pair of canv.i
gloves, as they protect the hands
from any scratching."
For years we wav been st
country that a great many w
erations by taking Lydia I
pound, and it is true.
We are permitted to pt
extracts from the letters of
rcen tly received uinsolicite<
1 HonnosMi.-"I had pain!
1e I ouderely straighten1
was o nevousI couIld not sleep
any better until I submlitted to anm
Ly'dia E. Pinkhamn's Veget ale ('
wvoman."-Mrs. IIA.yw~jnn SoWvER
2 5 HELBYYILLE, LY.-" I Suif
e. My right side hurt me ba<
must be operatedl uponm. When
bottle of Lydia E. inkham's V('g
taking it a few days I got bet te:
amn nlow well."-Mrs. MOLLE SM!
3 IIANOVER, PA.-" The doctor
e hubandgot me Lydila E. Pin
ex perienced great relie f in a short
and can (do a hard (day's work a
30~t3 Walnut St., I lanover, P'a.
4 D)ECATR TLL.-" I was sick
aO cians said I w~ould have to b<t
ntionl as I had sonm'tinig growin1
mit to the operat ion and took L
pouind-atnd it worked a miraeo
what it has (1on1 for mne."-Mr
William Street, D ecatlur, Ill.
5 CLI~nvELAND, OmiIo. -"I Wag ~
eP miy sideO paiined me1 so that I
cr'ationl. D)octor's said they kne
woldl~ hellp me. I took L~y'dia E.,
table Commpounid and I became
fromn pain!. I am thankful for s
eine anid will alwvays give it the
N rs C. II.GRIuFFm'ru, 1568 Constans
(CONFIDENTIA i) LYNN,1
our letter will be openecd, rei
hb a woman and hnid in utrine ;
OHZ MY BACK
A stubborn backache is cause to Eus
pert kidney trouble. When the kid
neys are inflamed and .'wollen, stoop.
ing'.brings a sharp twinge in the small
of the back, that almost. takes 'the
breath away. Soon there may be other
symptoms; scanty, painful or too fre
quent urination, headaches, dizziness,
or rheumatic pains. )on't wait for
these troubles to becomne serious-use
Doan's Kidney Pills at once. You'll
find no better-recommended remedy.
A North Carolina Case
Mrs. Mat Freeze.
Nip r t hi Avenue, *
Alooresville, N. C., tre ils "
says: "I had severe
pains in my back
and limbs and was
o fte n laid uap.'
There was a con
stant ache through
my kidneys and I -
couldn't rest In
Pills brought me l ,
the first re-lief I l
had received and i
three boxes com
pletely cured me."
Get Doan's at Any Store. 50o a B.:
DO AN'S K 0N8D
FOSTER-MILBURN CO., BUFFALO. N. Y.
TRY THE OLD RELIABLE
For MALARIA CIE?
A FINE GENERAL STRENGTHENING TONIC
Why Suffer With Pellagra?
Blaughn's Improved Pellagra Renedy will
cure you. It hats CU :ed ad otIs now cullii g
(tiers. It Is not n .xteria"nt. tour b1ind
ing guarantee Is haek of it. You run no risk.
).et us tell you all about it. Hnuglin's lmn
itrotetd Pellagra Item. Co., Carbon 11111, Ala.
DR. SALTER'S EYE LOTION
leves. cures - a ore. Inflamed eyes in 24 to 45 hours.
IlI ps weak o~yes, curin g sit bout y:nln. Ask d ruggist
or (oyter for SAl Tlt'S-only from r iA I'CJ,
IJISPENSA iRY, 638 N. Broad, ATLANTA, GA.
~ 2tware f 1mitailon.r
PERFECT HEALTH. I
Tutt's Pills keep the system in perfect order.
They regulate the bowels and produce
A VIGOROUS BODY.
Remedy for sick headache, constipation,
WANTED bien tolearn barber trade.
Few weeks required.
Steady position for com
petent graduates. Wonderful demand for bar
bers. Wages while learning;freecatalog; writo
RICHMOND BARBER COLLEGE, Richmond, Va.
SPECIAL PRICES 8nta ou s mo
Lehorns the reatestogg laying ralu inAterica.
Br untililally bred ott largest and best equip it
Poultry hiarm South of Mis.tn and ixon line.
Stran ou will eventually buy." TI1lS WAlttlgk
POU1/17R Y FARM, T 1. Dlust, owner. Wis, N. Q
Wonderful Invention T
clits lotng. Heni 4tUe for cliilile. retail The. Agents
pill og up money. La Fayette Mann. A melii, Va.
LADY--REFINED Ineresting Spare
11ill pay $1.00 for every y'our of your Imon rep
resenting us. BO(X 505 1. I'llallamlihl~. Pa.
W. N. U., CHARLOTTE, NO. 38--1915.
ating in the newspapers of the
ameln have escaped~ seious op
.Pinkham 's Vegectable Comn
bllish inl this annifouncemnlft
five wvomen. All have been
I. Could any evidence be
in both sidesg and1 such a sorenessq
ip at times. My back ached and I
and1( I thlought I never wouIld be
opierat ion, 1but1 I commuenceed taking
imund~l( and1 soon felt like a ne w
s, llodlgdon, Me.
red fr-om a severe femalc trouble.
ly -it was finally decided that I
nly husband1 learned this he got a
etable Compound for meI, andl( after
and continued to improve until I
rr, R.F.D., Shelb~yville, Ky.
advised a severe operation, but my
klhamn's Vegetable C'ompound an1.(
time. Now I feel like a new~ person
nd not ind it."-Mirs. ADA WwrT
in hed~ and three of the best physi
takeni to the hospital for an oper
Si n my' left side. I refused to subh
ydlla E. Ptinkhami's Vegetable Comi
mn miy case, and I tell other womien
s. LAUJLA A. (AxiswoLD, 2437 East
cry irregular andl for several years
expected to haive to unider'go anl (lp
v of niothting that
re'rular andt free .
uleli a gotod( mlerII
1 St., Cleveland, 0.
If ASS., for advice. - l
di and1 anmswerejd