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_ _ EION anO Stfatb.
TRI-WEEKLY EDITION. WJNNSBOIRO S. C., SEPTEMBER 21 1893. EST ABLISHED 1849
Always full in Hats
and Bonnets, Flow
ers, Feathers, Laces,
Nets, Veiling and la
test novelties of the
season. A competent
and experienced mil
liner in this depart
ment fully posted in.
Etc. Special attention
given to Mourning
and made up Hats
J. 0. BOAG.
, I. BOAWS
Pianos, Parlor and Chapei
Organs. Fifty new and im
proved light-running Family
Sewing Machines, vertical and
under-feed of thi best makes,
different styles and prices.
Also, a lot of good second
hand Sewing Machines for
sale cheap, by J. 0. BOAG.
J. 0. BOAO.
Always on Hand Single,
Open and, Top Buggies and
Dout~e-Seated Vehicles. One.
Horse Wagons. Singe and
Pianos, Organs, Sewing Ma
ehines, Cooking Stoves, Clocks,
Buggies and Wagons, are all
shipped direct from their va
rious factories, therefore no
agents expenses or commis
sions to be paid for by pur
shaser: The best goods tor the
lowest prices for cash or good
J, 0. BOAB'S OLD STAND,
Picture Fres Comoa, Baby Car
a adoegs. O AQlmd
HE HAD BEEN THERE.
4 littl3 memento she held tn her hand,
While the tears sprayed eachroseate chee ,
for her grief was of that uncontrolable brand
That only her heart could bespeak.
tweet love had ordained for the precious night
A meet with the youth she adored,
But her tyrrannous pa had asserted his might,
.And the maid in an attic had snored.
The night to her prison no tidings had borne
Of her Romeo's truth to the tryst,
Ind her reveries brought her misgivings forloro
Of his having been else Ahere enticed.
knd now, in the light of the new-wakened day
Released from her solitude grim,
She had gone to the t? ysting-plAce.hoping alway
For somo faith-proving tidings of him.
)b! sweet reassurance! she saw at a glauoa
What she straigbtway did ardently "ecoop'
'Twas a circular section of lavander pants
on a step of the frosh-painted stoop,
"The handkerchief 1 the handkerchief!r
I am certainly the most unfortu
nate man in the world.
If not, how does It happen that I
tm n.t married to Miss Priscilla
Pritchard, only chi:d and soe heiress
of the late not much lamented Jede
'lah Pritchard of Fritchardstown?
She is worth a million and a half
at the very lowest computation, and
I-I'm not worth a penny, except in
the way of credit. 1 am worth qu'te
a sum in that way, however, and
have plenty of unpaid bills to p.ove
It was almost a sure thing. I know
she would have said "Yes," it I had
popped the question the last time we
Oh, why didn't I pop the question
the last time we met?
It is of no use, I suppose, to cry
aver spilled milK. She has gone and
married another man, I understand,
and I am set out in the cold. I can
not cry, but I should like to do a lit.
tlie swearing if it were not against
You see, I .loved her passionately
with my who!e heart and soul and
was greatly in want of money.
She entertained, I thinic, a strong
feeling of regard for me, and as she
had had very few offers for the last
four years she might easily have Deen
led to aocept my hand, heart, and
ao, not my fortune; I have none, but
we will say, my name, which is just
as good, it a body only thinks so.
Only she doesn't think so any
Let me col~ect my bewildered senses
and relate the harrowing story. It
may calm me.
Peter Cogsmith Is one of my oldest
friends. We were boys together. He
is celebrated for two things onl,% so
Tar as~I ilow.rr-for Tilf c -rUeyie,
tstd -for carryl-tr tte largest, vulgarest
silk handkerchiefs-all red, and yel
low, ring-streaked and spotted-that
ver were seen.
Notwithstanding which be is an
If he bad been a little fellow, he
might have been celebrated f .r that,
too: but he had a ser:ouN faling-his
back close y resembled that of a re
spectable old bi'lter, with whom I am
but slightly acquainted.
I hate respectable old buiTers with
whom I am but sI ghtly acquainted.
I remember that when Cogsmith
and I were at school together. he used
already to carry those hideous hand
kerchiefs, and it w.is considered
rather a lark, among the boys, to
steal them out of his po~lket. The
head boy of our class had eight of
them, all at once, that he had stolen
and accumu ated..
"Ah, why did I remember the
rolicsomue clays of boyhood? Why
did I ever attempt to renew a for
gotten sro:tiveness and an obsolete
Let us pause to drop a briny pearl
and pro eed with a fresh penful of
Business -which I loathe and de
test-keeps rme occupied during the
daytime, and my only hours of recre
ation are tnose that .[ snatch from
~he balmy period of slumber.
Therefore, I never had many op-.
ortunities to visit Miss Priscilia
ritchard, save on Sundays, and on
the evenings of the week. My suit,
then, prospered slowy, but . it did
prosper. Oh, yes; did I not press her
and unreproved? Did I not insin
uate, three several times, that 1 con
s dered her personal attractions con
s derab!y superior to the average?
id I not express my affection for her
in a th:usand nameless ways--by
sighs, by signs, by moans, by groans,
by every means, in a word, that y'our
skillul lover understands so well?~
Of course I d id.
And she--she not onlv~ accepted all
this homage so delicately tendered,
but she gave me to understand that
.he should like to have me keen at it,
"Frailty, thy name is woman:"
It was one year ago last Wednes
day night, that she and I sat alone in
t he little extension room qff the back
palor o1 Miss Pritchard's palatial
:ity residence. We were alone.
1 had been getting along very tinely,
i:u somebow I could not get my cour
:.ge up to the point.
So I eetermined to give myself one
more chance the next night. I had
a brilliant idea- something new and
Young men, take warning by my
ate: l\'ever trust brilliant, new
nd original ideas. Strike while the
ion is hot, and clinch the nail as
won as possible.
31y idea was to invite Miss Priscilla
) accompany me to the opera and to
ropose to her between the acts, in a
rosceniurn-box. I Ilattered myvself
et music's dreamy swell, the faint
rfumes of the house en toilette, the
..eowed glitter of 1,000 lights, the
- itchery of the spectacle, all would
, nd an artful aid, and insure thea
ccesS fo which I trembled. .I
Concealing my emotion. I suggested
the opera for the evening following,
.n my airiest manner.
And I can be very airy when I
To my Infinite delight Mis3 Pritch.
ard accepted the invitation, and with
an avidity that made my hopes go up
to the loftiest pitch. Assurance, I
felt, was doubly sure.
But alas! Who-who can read the
What sagacity in that rellection!
I retired to my humb:e abode, and
slept the sleep of a happy and hope.
The next morning, refreshed and
joyful, I sought the counting-house
of Podger, Strother & Co., whe:'e I
earn my daily bread. I overdrew my
salary, In order to pay for th. privato
box, and the supper which I intended
should follow the performance. I
applied myself to my labors, and was
cheerful; nay, vivacious to an un
At 5 o'clock, leaving the offlice, I
sauntered up Broad street, on my
I felt so good, I hardly knew what
to do with myself.
"No more adding up of wearisome
columns, old boy," I said to myself;
"no more plodding to and fro afoot,
in an old Ink-staiued sack coat, No
more hard times and short commons;
but a coupe to ride down town in, and
kid gloves every day. Iloorah!"
As I mentally uttered this joyous
exclamation, I saw Cogsmith loiter
ing thoughtfully along, In his pe.
culiar manner, just ahead of me. I
decided to inform him of tne fact that
I was to have a proscenium box, and
a stunn:ng. splendid girl at the
Academy of Music that night, to
overwheim him and impress him with
a belief that I was "in society," a
regular heavy swell, and all that sort
As I overtook him I noticed that
his handkerchief-a more halefully
odious one than ever--was hanging
about six Inches out of his pocket.
Remembering the ancient lark of
our schooldays, and feeling, as I have
said, uncommon'ly youthful and
frisky, I -dexterously twitched the
wretched rag from his pocket, and
passed by him with a loud "ahem!"
le did not look up and recognize
me, as I thought he, would; and as I
had got a step or two by I turned to
Horror of horrors, ID wasn't Cog
smith at all!
At the same moment a horrible
little boy shouted: "Say! Here!
Mister! He's got yer hankerchiet."
The person whom I had mistaken
rof cogssitb,-buo who was quiae a
respectaome-iooring old buffer, im
mediately clapped his hand to his
pocket, missed his handkerchief, and,
collaring me indignantly, began to
call for the police.
"Stop, sr!" I vociferated, trying to
pull away from him, "sto! I'm not
the man-I thought you were Peter
-upon my soul I did. You're mis
taken, sir-I didn't steal It-I-"
"You scoundrel!" cried the old gen
tleman; "I'll teach you to steal in
the streets! You villain! Police!
A curious crowd gathered f-mmedi
ately, and two oflcers stepped for
In endeavoring to free myself from
my assailant's grasp I had lost my
hat; my collar and cravat had been
disordered, and my face had become
I felt that' circumstances were de
cidedly against me.
"Well, cully," said a flashy looking
youth near me, in a sympathetic tone,
"you're not fly at clay-faking, eh?
Why didn't you sherry?"
"'I think I know that cove," said
one of the orncers; "I l.,lieve he's the
same feller that grabbed some money
from a boy as was comin' fromi bank
"He looks like a hardened ra cal,"
said the respectoble old buffer whom
I had mistaken for Cogsmith; '-take
him to the station-house at once!"
In vain I expostulated, entreated
and threatened. In vin I demanded
permission to send for reference as to
ry character and position. It was no
go. I was Ignominiously dragged off
to the station, with a ragged and
dirty crowd jeering me.
Just as the rabble had reached its
pitch of noise and numbers, 1 met
Miss Pricilla's cousin, the young man
with the weak eyes ar'd the yellow
mustache, who always hated me.
He raised - his eye-glass. smeild
scornfully, and passed by without a
Then I knew that my doom was
To be brief, I wais locked up for
examination. I gave the name ol
John Smith to the magistrate, but a
boy in the crowd-an errand boy in
the store next to ours-knew me and
informed the dignitary that 1 was
traveing under an alias.
I was registered, tben, under m-.
own name, with "alias John Smith,"
tacked to it, for all the world like a
veritable thief, and taken down to
the filthiest, foulest cell Imaginable.
The next day 1 was allowed to send
rr anybody I wanted to see, and suc
ceeded in proving my respectability
suliently to be let off with a severe
But the arrest, and my name, were
chronicled in all the daily papers.
1 wrote a note of apology to Miss
Priscilla, for having broken my en
gagement to take her to the opera.
The note (she knew my handwriting)
was returned unopened. I rushed to
the house to give her a personal ex
"Miss Pritchard is not at home,
sir," said the footman, with a super
I met her on the 5th avenue, the
next Sunday. She passed me with a
i nave not been able to have
word with her, or see her since; an
I know, I feel, that the cup has be<
dashed trom my lips foreve::
Oh why did Cogsmith's back
closely resemble that of the respec
able-looking old buffer?
Am I not the mot unfortiuna
=an in the world?--N. Y. 3Iercur
A LARGE LUNCH.
now Tunigian Soldiers Showed Their R
gard for Their Captain.
Capt. Bordier, now a civil o:l:c i
at Maktar, in Tunis, gives an auut
ing account of an experience wit
some of his old Tunisian soldiers.sa
the Youth's Companion. Some tin
after he had left the army and ha
assumed ortice at Maktar, he met
the town of Bargon twelve soldiers
the company which he had once cor
manded. lie watinstantly recogniz
and surrounded.-: "They all talked;
once," he says. "They hung upc
my bridle and upon my stirrups; th(
embraced my hands; they grasped I
boots and the tails of my coat.
"God be praised! We have wait<
for you so lona! Have you been we,
And madam? And the childrei
And our Lieutenant?
-He was killed in Tonquin.'
'May God have mercy upon hil
le was a brave man.'
" 'And the sub-Lieutenaat '
" 'He was in Tonqu:n, and is nc
a Lieutenant and decorated.'
"'May God increase his prosperitv
"At last I was able to dismioun
and the good fellows hurried away.
come back bringing mats and ru
and cushions, that their old Capta
might be , mfortably installed.
"'We may offer you a lunch'
'Yes, but it is a warm day, ai
one dish will be sutlicient..
"They hastened away, and I sa
them holding an animated diszussio
then ney disappeared in cifferei
directions. I afte-ward learned th;
the most profound of the band ha
proposed to the rest that they shou
all contribute to a dish and that h
wife should cook it; but the othe
were full of culinary pride. It w
decided that each should bring me
dish, for when I had said 'a sing
dish' I had not specified whether fro
each of you' or 'from you all t
"I had finished an interview vi1
the town ofticials and was restin
when 1 was informed: 'Sidi, yo1
lunch is coming.'
"My twelve soldiers were approac
ing, each with-Tan enormous dis
Twelve dishes to eat on that h
July day, with a terrible torrid siroc
t~e appde .t1otagin! 7
dishes exactly-alike, cooked after
recipe which no doubt had bee
handed down from remote age
Twelve mutton stews, swimming i
rancic. oil, dressed with dry raisir
and peas as hard as bullets.
"I did my duty. I. tasted of th
twelve dishes and swallowed twelv
mouthfuls of milk, and informed eac
of my hosts that bb dish was good
very good, superior, delicious, agreea
ble, exquisite, sujerftne, fragrant
savory, delectable, or succulent
"They were m'ucl pleased and d<
clared that whenevar I visited Bar
gon they should entertain mec.
"I have been the-e since, but I ir
vented a way to potect my stomac
and to avoid hurtlig their feeline
1 arranged an ordei of precedence fo
them according t> their mnilitar
rank, the number~f years they ha
been in the servie id theirsage. A
every visit i state positively that
shall accept lunchesn from some on
of them, and I thuw resist the seduc
tions of the others anod- preserve mn
digestion, though lam no less grate
ful for their kindnes and devotion.
Nothing Skitthh About Ho'r.
A Harlem clubnmn, who attemptet
to play a practi'al joke, wvay non
plussed in a ver- unexpected way
H~e says: "I am very particula
about fastening thi doors and win
dows of my house. I do not intlen
to leave them opel at nights as an
invitation to burglars to enter. Yor
see, I was robbed oice that way las
year and I never m~an to be again: s<
when I go to beGI like to he sn
that every door ind window is se
"Last winter mvire hired a hi
strong country girl nd the newcomn
er was very carelestabout the dloorc
at night. On two ir three occasion,
I came down stairsio find a windot~
up or the back doo0unclocked. I cani
tioned her, but 't did no good.]
therefore determin( to frighten her.
I got some i ;se gliskers, and ont
night, about 11 o'cck, I crept dlow r
the back stairs to tb kitchen, wher<
she was. She hadiurnedl down th.
gas and was in heF:hair by the l~e.
sound asleen, as I tuld tell by: he
breathing; but theboinent I st-u!c.
a mat-: she woke.
"1 expected a fcat yelling an
screaming, but not og of the sor!
toolc place. She c ned out of hii
sear with a "You -iilain' on het
lips, seized a chair the back. and,
before I had mna'e move, she lilt
me over the bead, >rcing me to my
knees. 1 tried to ' up, tried to ex
plain who 1 was, b in vain. B~efore
1 could get out of troom she sti uck:
me again, and it W. only after I had
tumbled up the bat stairs that she
gave the alarm. La she camne up
to my room, rappL at the door. anc
'MGr. --, ple- get up! Jav
killed a burglar. " Sew York 3Mer
Most of the centen ;ans in Engiand
have been lean peopi emali eaters, anc
very moderate drina. .
The firet copper e. >rted from this
country was a carg of nmnety tons
a TURNED ASlu.,
r Flee!ng Foxf,..Oti. and Deer Give
Notice of an Anbush.
We were going down the peninsula
2ormed by the junction of the Yel.
lowstone and Little Mlissouri rivers,
loping to intercept the Indians and
turn them back. It had beea a hard,
vift march, a ridc of over 400 miles,
with no halt above fourhours, and at
1) o'clock in the forenoon half the
troops were sleeping in their sadales,
as 1*ir lean and lame horses picked
tIr* way over the rough ground.
We had planned to reach the spot
where the leeing Indians would cross
the Little Missoiri a day or two
te ahead of them. We believed we had
accomplished it. At 10 o'clock we
were within two mines of the spot.
Then the head of the column halted
for th' men to close up. Our line
had strung out for a iiiile or more.
t etween us and the crossirn, as the
halt was made, nature had made a
' high way. It was a grassy road, about
1 wentv feet wide, twi-ting and turn
IIg like a creek. Either side was
lined with dense thickets. Half a
mile down thehighway It was crossed
by a creek with stee banks. Half a
mile farther on was a second creek.
It was hardly more than a rivulet at
this season, but the width from Danl
to bank was forty feet and the banks
were ten feet high. Our guide had
never passed over 0he route.
No man in the colunin of 200 men
knew what lay beyond the first turn.
t The halt to close up was a Drecau
0 tionary measure, bit no one dreamed
1 of danger. It the hostile Indians
1 had not turned back or changed their
route they should still be forty or
nfty miles to the south. The strag
-lers had come up, the sleepy tro->pers
had braced up under the eyes of their
3ficers, and the bugler was about to
:ound the forward when the half-breed
it uide and scout held up his hand in
t warning. A deer came running up
d the grassy lane at full speed and was
within ten feet of the colone,'s horse
when it wheeled to the right and
vanished into the thicket. Next
is mame a fox, who ran under the feet
a >f a dozen horses before he found
e ;helter. Then a second deer-then
,hree or four rabbits.
"What is it?" asked the Colonel of
"Ambush!" was the brief reply.
ir The guide waved his hand to .ig
nify that it was down the lane some
"Iow do you know?"
A "See thatI"
A big gray wolf roundea tMe turn a
hundred_ fe a. full
a -speea. Tne nair on tits tlack stoo
up, his tail almost dragged, and it
was easy to see that he had been dis
turbed and was put out about it.
"Injuns down there:" said the
4uide. "We are too late. They have
Zot hera tirst and we are in am
"But what makes you think so?"
persisted the Colonel, who was im
patient to go ahead, and yet too pru
dent to needlessly expose his com
.Deer--fux-rabbi t3 - wolf!' re
plied the guide. "All were fright
ened. All running away from some
thing. 1njuns down there waiting
for us. We go some other wvay."
We turned to the left and f!anked
the position. We had made a dis
tance of seven miles when Indians
Wvere seen and skirmishing began, but
tlhey soon'retreated southwards, and
as we followed .them up they crossed
the Little Missouri. It was the
band we had hoped to intercept, but
why did they turn back without a
tight? Everybody was asking the
luestion when a few of us rode off to
inspect the amblush. Tee death t ap
had been set for us between the
creeks. The lower end of the avenue
had been blocked with felled trees
and bushes, and trees partly cut dow n
would have locked the upr end a
oaon as the last horseman had passed.
The road' here narrowed to Ii ften
leet. Wherever there was an op'ning
in the hushes which lined the sie
t had been closed with thorns.
From sunrise that morn ing the In
lians had been waiting for us. Al
most two hundred warriors were inl
hiding behind the hushes, ready' to
thmru-t cat thiei r ri ies and lire at the
signal. P'erched in the trees aon
tihe way we.e half a hundred i~S
armued with bows and arrow.:. ilid
den away under thme tanks of the
creeks were a hundred more squaws,
armed w'th hatchets, knives, or
ci hs. Rt was not to be a battle, b ut
a m.:ssa'Tre No meroy was to bIe
-!hown-not an prsoner takenm. Scots
had observ e i mur approaceh anid re
portedi. Whenm 'h 'i had of our col
umn had airlyV entered the lane th e
eng.r suws ad impulsive boy.
C ubl hard 1v b e con trcih-.;. In thir
mov'ng a' ut to'y friuhtonedi
wild a; iinm' v:l of their r.-i reel a' n
e-nt ni. th, arin IiThe did not i
kumsw why w.e hd Ihalm1ted he-itated.
an:i then took~ another war. For h::i;
an' hvur thioy waited wi:th the scow
of hate o'n thei r b ronzed fa Cs- -with
the savageness of deils~i in t-l'i
hearts --wahl eyes wich~ glared and I
dlinted as they roamed about in
;earch of the exuetd prey. Then
thbey whisperedl to each ether:
--Thy have ta'ken another wray :
The Gjreat Spirit sent them a warn
ig to t un aside : We c:annot ligh t
the e mun. let us r cross the river|
. and return to the agency :"-F'ree
A Linmie Chinese Aristoerat.
The C.ity of Wiahngton will soon I
- ose one of ite pictnresque figuires. :is
the present Chinese Minister's termni
soon exqpires and he will take his ilt
tie daughmter back to China with him.
ILittle Miss Mi was born in Washing
rntwo years ago. She can "cinr-1
cnin" a little in English, and is dem
ocratic in her mingling with and
reeting other children and citizens
in Dujcnt Circle. where she takes
her airings. She Is a charmitig little
doll, as droll and quaint a figure as
3ne can see in sweeks, in her red
frocks, junk shoes and tiny embroid
ered cap, and is docility and serenity
herself. She is a model of manners
to the wild little Americans in the
park, blinking her little black eyes
at the flower beds, pointing at the
:>lossoms. clapping her hands with
!ov, but never exercising her diplo
matic privelege of defying the police
,an and of arrest by helping herself
:o the pcsie. -Philadelphia Ledger.
A Royal Benefactor.
In his "Life and Times of King
William IV." Mr. Percy Fitzgerald
:ells the following story of the good
aatured sailor-prince, then Duke of:
Jlarence. One morning when the
Prince, having received his commis
;ion and his ship, was on his way ot
,is tailor's in Flymouth, to get the
3ew uniform, at a street corner he
;aw a boy crying, and stopped to in
juire the cause. The lad looked up
:hrough his tearz, revealing a hand
iorne. winning, and intelligent face,
ind replied that his mother had died
)mlly a few days before, and that he
.ad been cast honieless upon the
;treeh "Where is your father'"
isked the Prince. "He was lost in
:he Sussex, on the Cornwall coast two
"How would you like to go to sea
:n a tirst-rate man-of-war?" The
>y's face briht'ned as he answered
that he shou d like it very well. The
Prince took oat his p.ocket-book and
ivrote somethinug upon a slip or pa
Sper, which he gave to the buy with a
shi'ling. '> down to the docks,"
ic said, 'and with this shilling you
.vill hire a boatman to carry you oif
:o the Pegasus. When you get on
:ocard the ship, you will give this pa
per to the oflicer whon you find in
:harge of the deck, and he will take
:are of you. Cheer up, my lad!
Show me that you have a true heart,
and you shall surely Eind a true
tciend." Arrived on board the Pe
,asus, the oiicer of the deck received
aim kindly, and sent him to sit
apon a gun-carriage under the break
>f the poop. In less than an hour
the Prince came of1 in his new uni
,orrn; and the boy was strangely
:noved u;on discovering that the man
who had promised to he his friend
was none other than William, Duke
of Clarence, and Captain of the frig
ite. 'Ihe boy, whose name was Al;
bert Dover, was taken into the cabin,
rhere the Prince que-stioniP'him,and
tortnhanth ho ordprod him to L0Zabod
2s a midshipman, an from his own
purse he procured him an outfit.
L)urircg the voyage to the American
:oa;t the P-ince became strongly
attached to his youthful protege,
k eeping him about his person contin
ually and instructing him ir general
branches of education, as we.1 as his
profession. Time passed on, and the
boy grew to a man, serving Kiu and
rountry faithfully. In time William
hecame King, and signed the com
mission which made [Al0ert Doyer a
Rear Admiral. Hie exclaimed as he
put his signature to the do nument,
'-There-if I have ever done a good
-Ieed for England, it was when I saved
to her service that true and .worthy
3fasses far Victor Hiugo.
A few weeks ago an old negresa
Camne from Bridgetown on the sland
of Barbados, to a missionary and
asked him to read three masses for
Victor Hugo. The missionary was
astonished, and at first believed that
he misundersrou:i the visitor. But
the negress replied to his questions
that years ago she had given aid to
Hlugos daughter, who had married an
English otlecer against the will of her
father, and fled with him to Barbados.
The omcer deserted his wife, who con
seouently became almost insane, and
was cared for in that condition by the
negzress. The nearess wrote to the
1.oct of the sad condition of ih, chihd.
Hugo sent hcer?, 000 fi-ancs and had
her go to Paris with his d:aug;hter.
After remaining a time in the house
of the author the negress decided to
return to Ilambados. One reason for
this wa the fact that the poor
daughter hA h ecomne incurably in
sane and been consigned to an
asylum. 'The in> et, wI 0 respecte-'
the negre s because of the hjve she~
hai borne his daughter, -aId t bc
efore l:er departure from Iaris:
"Whenm you hear of my deat h in
your nal ive country have three m::s.
se's remi for mec.
The old woan, who fir-t hard (,A I
the death of \ l tar HIugn a 0:w
nonth:s ago, ha now julitUiie-i the
wishes of the poet.
.:nanu can gct a hui-and if she onlyV
are the ii. Miss~ Tingleton -
\nd isn't it soimetimes the case th ati
iwoman marries simi; because she
asn't a wmind?-Uutn Tratuoript,
T'I'cet-Tihe med ine 'a en an:
:in the educators of the J udiao-."
;icer-How do vou m.:Rke 1thait out?
lri vvet- Because after a imedi. line,
n2n has CUredl an ludm:n tie patient
xcomies a weil red man.--Exchange.
Teacher-What is econon .y? Ia
--l;nying cheaper thinigs ihan your
other sends you for, so as; to have
amne money left for (andyi.
Chollic-Can you recorn4a allt
hcn you see it. Mies b ut K- Miiss
ith (looiking around:2-Certaai:
SUPPOSE WE SMILE.
HUMEROU.S PARAGRAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPERS.
Pleasant Inclients Occurring the World
Over-Sayings That Are Cheerful to the
Old or Young -Funny Selections Tha
Everybody WiL Enjoy Beading.
A SmaU Revenge.
Antique Maiden-I am sorry that
I must refuse your offer. I am sure
I neyer intended to encourage you.
I should have though t that you might
have read that much in my Ice.
The Rejected-I am not very efrt
at reading between the lines.-Texas
George Knew a Thing or Two.
Minnie-1 thought you intended t
sit bareheaded at the theater here
after? Mamie-I did intend to but
George wouldn't let me-the jealous
thing! He was afraid all the men
behind us would fall in love with
Tie. -Indianapo'is Journal.
"0h, sir, please, I have swallov ed
a pin:" exclaimed a servant girl, iun
ning into her master's surgery.
--Never mind, Mary," he replieddeep
in study, -never. mind; here's an
other," drawing one from his Din
"The United States Senate Isn't
what it used to be." caid Hawkins.
'-The days of Seward and Webst-r are
gone." -Of course they have," said
I'hillips. 'You wouldn't have had
those days preserved in alcohol, would
A New Type-Writer.
"The type writer I am introJucing
has many improvements over any
other maKe ->n the market." said the
canlivatsser. "What, for instance?"
* It , an spell correctly the most diffi
cult words in the English language.-'
Too Much of a Good Thing.
Jimson-What became of that man
who had twenty-seven medals for sav
ing people from drowning? Dock
Worker-Ie fell in one day when he
had them all on, and the weight of
Mmai sunk him. -New York Weekly.
r ukane (with a critical puff)-Did
you buy these cigars, Gaswell? Gas
well ksurprised)-Of course! Why do
you askyl Dukane-I thought by
Lbeirj.d19d you might have cabbaged
them. -Pittsbuirgh Chronicle.
Another Matter Entirely.
Mrs. Dimling (to her daughter)
Why are you so censorious about
A my? The Bible says we must love
our enemies. Miss Dimling-But
she's not my enemy. She's my dearest
A. Bad Drawback.
First Tramp-Who wouldn't be a
pretty little flower? It stays in bed
all summer. Second Tramp-Yes,
but think of the water you would
have to take. during that time. Ugh'
C..anting the Cost.
William Ann-Four dollars a day
with extras Is pretty high for a
moun tain hc-teL. Landlord-But you
should think of the scenery. William
Ann-How much do you charge for
A Hard Place.
First Store Boy-Bow do you like
your new plate? Second Store Boy
Don't like it. If I don't do things
right they'll get another boy and If I
do do things right they'll keep me
Fore ign Visitor-Why does that
Chinamnan say "lats" instead of
"ratsi?" Host-He can't sound the
r." Foreign T isitor-Ah, I see -
brought up in New York. -New York
Just Catching On.
Duane-Great heavens! that car is
sither tilled with madmen or there
has been some sort of an explosion.
lleade-Nonsense; the gripman has
simlly taken hold of the cable.
Lcxury in the Coal-Yard.
First Tramp-Hi, Bill! You're
yin' on anthracite. Second Tramp
-1 know it. What's wrong? First
ramp-Well, come over here. I've
ust struck a lot of soft coal. -Judge.
Worse and Worse.
Tokes-Glilleland is so stupid that
na:ny people think him wise. Meek
n-His case is even worse than
:at. Ie is so stupid that he thinks
bislf wise, -Exchange.
Starter-i met a man this morning
who said I looked like you. Smart
ey-Tell me who he is and I'll go
inl knock him down. Starter-I
lid that myself.-Judge..
A Wrong Supposition.
'So Mr. Henpeck has ran off and
ft. his wife." "I don't blame him.
L uest he got tiredI of being bossed."
It cant ba that. He ran o!i with
The Bliss of Ignorance.
"Why are the beads of the flerures
n the tiashion-plates aiways turned
ir they were icoking back?" a~o
ey cann.ot see what guys they are."
As engagement is a dlicate thing.
Eeu can't drop one without breakina,