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TRI-WEEKLY EiITION. WINH1SBORO9S. C. APRIL 191894.9.
*THE OLD COUNTRY ROAD. RI
Where did it come trom and where did it go?
that vas t estion that puzzled us so. an
A ei the dust of the hfihway tha bu
By the farm like a river-the old country road. te
We stood with our hair sticking up through the an
(Nor bt as the people went up and went dowi,
And we wished in our hearts, as our eyes fairlY
We w@ul4nd where it came from-the old coun* in
We remember the peddler who came with his be
aanwn the old highway and never went back; k D
And we wondered what things he had seen a th
Fr some fabulous place up the old country mi
We remerber the stage drivers look of deight i
And the erack of his whip as he whirled into
And we thught we could read in each glance to
be bestowed ca
A tale of strange life up the old country road.
Ibismovers came by like a ship in full sail, fo
ith ruder behind in the shape of a pail
With a rollicking crew and a cow that was bI
With a rope on her horns down the old country
Oh! Itho tp of the hill was the rim of the worla.
And thedust of the summer that o, er it curle1t
Was the curtain that hid from our sight the
Of the fairies that lived up the old country road. hi
The old country road! I can see it still flow
Down the hi of my dreams as it did long ngo, U1
And I wish even now I cou'd lay off mv 1o
And rest b the side of the old country ro.d.
-Ladies' ome ournal. 0
HIS JEALOUSY CURED. It
Mr. Andrew Frosty chanced to re, al
side in one of a long straight row of
houses, no one of which bore any a
special mark on its front by which it Pe
could be distinguished from another. b<
ch had seven steps and a portico. q1
rack on another tem. Mr. Frosty al
*y jealous of hiswife. .ow, le
ul thing for a man to b
wife at all, with or_.
iabit as that they ad
raw their cotton caps bE
eyes and say good night to in
d. Living is no sort of an V<
to them. le
But whether Mr. Frosty bad any
reason to bc jealous of his wife is not h
wnat we are going to settle. And ci
yet we never thought he could have, si
for a more amiable wife than she k
miade him it would be hard to nod. u
Mrs. Frosty was young and beauti
ful, and her manners were very tak. a
jog. It may be that these were Mr. i
Frosty's reasons for his jealousy: but ta
It so, why didn't he marry a plainer 4
Not many doors of! and In the same
row of aweilings lived Col. ,awyer, e:
who rather prided himself on being w
esteemed a gentleman. Witnout as- n
suming to be what is popularly s
termed a ladles man, he neverthe ess in
was extremtly p-rticular in his car- F
-r:age toward them-aiuing always to
Itupress them with a sense of his i er- i
feet tjurity, chivalry, and truth. 'No sa
one in the neighborhood ever sus- ii
pected him of being cap-able of in- LI
eulting anyone-least of all a lady.
Mothers held him uD to their sprout, s
ing sons as an examD'e of the lofty N
and true, and iathers spoke of hima h
to their daughters, and hoped that it ft
they ever thought of marriage they 1I
would be satisited with nothing leiss EL
than a character like this.
Coming home musingly, and with A
his head bent, one evening, the h
Colonel thought no such accident was
possible as that he should mistake nis )
own house, especally as he had been D
sa and out that way so many timnes. ri
Perhaps the very fact that he felt r
such a condidence wa~s the greater h
resson why he should make a mistake fi
after all. 'But as he was very much
occupied with his reflections he aban- b
doned himself entirely to what he
Enew of the way home, and thougiht'
he should reach there in good time. S
ce was that he quietly U
slipped himself through Mr. Frosty's L
front door, hung up his hat and coat fl
in the hail, and starteQ ior the din- i
As all the nlouses In the row were a
so much alike on the outside, their si
internal arrangrements were pretty 0
much on the saume pattern. Mr.'
Frosty's bail seemed like his own, and hi
the dining-; 'om door opened where p
The instant he opened the door he [I
began to aw;'ken to his error. The
table was spread in the middle of t~ e e
room, and Mrs. Frosty sat near the u
grate reading. ;
"Ah?' he exclaimed, bowing and V
scrap ng confusedly. '1 beg 'ardon! t
Really, Mrs. Fro-ty, I beg pardon:" t
In a moment the astonished lady b
was on her feet, her face lushed with D
the natuiral excitement of so un
looked-for a visit. She knew not
what to say,
"This is a ludicrous mistak6, I de
cdare, Mrs. Frosty," said the Colone!. c
"Here I am invading your house, a
when I thought I was safe and snug t
in my own. This comes of thesne c
houses wearing such similar faces. I
But It is my first mistake and I hope e
you will excuse me-"~
Mrs. Frosty comprehended in-1
atantly, and laughed heartily.
"1 may get caught so myself. you e
Enow," she said, "and we are always 3
grateful ror a call from you, Col. Saw- I;
yer. Now you are here, and dinner a
will soon be on the table why don't i
you sit down with us? I am expect- t
ing my husband ev.ery m nute." c
The Colonel began to thank her i
and excuse hi-tseif on account of
urgent business engagements for the
evening, Dut while he was doing so
bhe front door was heard to open.
"There," said Mrs. Frosty, "my
husl-and is coming now. You'll not
be detained any longer than you
would at home. Come, .1 think you'd
Along came Frosty through the I
hall, and his sour face would have i
turned sweet milk in a twinkling.
Tbe instant he caught the sound
af a male voice in the dining-room I
05. As -soon as he could cdesp
nz as faras thedoor in his stealthy
,v and look in through the crevice
I see who was there, his rage
,st all hounds and made him a
anorar- -adman. Colonel Sawyer
I his wife were in the room alone,
I that was quite enough.
"Now, what does this mean, sir?"
>uted the enraged husband, dash
, up before the thunderstruck
onel. "This is just what I have
m expecting for a long time. I
ew there was some mischief like
is afoot. What are you doing in
r house? TAI me, sir-or march
arself out soouer tMan you came
The Colonel had got over his as
ishment enough to cominence a
Im explanation when Mrs. Frosty,
rsting into tears, threw herself be
re ner angry husband and implored
m to be silent, for it was a trifling
[stake. and Colonel Sawyer would
imediately explain it all.
But the enraged man would hear
"Leave Me room!" he exclaimed to
3 wife. "I'll hear nothing f iom
u! I've had disgrace enough brought
. me already. Leave the room."
Mortitled and in tears she passed
.r. to brood over her mis ry and
Col. Sawyer essayed to begin, thougb
was exceedingly hard work and he
uld accomplish nothing but witb
most super-human effort.
"I mistook the house, sir, that is
1," said he. "My intentions were
rfectly honorable, and out of this
iuse, sir, you shall not call them in
Lestion without being held person
ly re-ponsibe. 1am quite ready tc
ve the place, I assure you."
Ile began to do so.
"That is all very well to say," ro
led the jealous husband. "Lshould
[vise you in the fut;5re' "newever t<
a little more careful before vou gC
to other persons' houses and see il
ur own number extends the whol(
ngth of the street!"
col. Sawyer withdrew, resolved t(
ive no further words with such
eatu e. He saw that be was be
de himself with jealousy, and b(
aew that speech would be wastet
I erbaps it. was a coupte of month
ter this that a party of gentlemer
agered rather late at luncheon at ,
vern, and foraot that it was fairl,
o'clock in the afternoon, until the,
und it had long ago struck ti.
They were all jolly fellows: thei:
res were rdashing and tbeir cheek:
ere getting rosy. The luncheot
ust have put them in the best o
irits-or, rather, the best of spirit!
them. Ano. g them was Andrev
If there was anyone of them par
cularly "nielow," it was but fair t<
,y it was Frosty. He had e;identl:
uproved his opportunities durinj
Going out into the bracing air afte
ich a banquet, Mr. Iroty began ti
el the e :ects %ery sensibly. B:
k and by crook he finally salle,
und to the street in wh ch hi
)micie stood, pusbing along till hi
0ught he had got about where hi
iht to live, and went up the steps
fter hanging up his greatc at an<
it in the hail, he stepped along t'
e door of the din~ng-roomn an<
ened it. Who should suddenly ap
ar to him as he looked around th,
>omu but Col. Sawyer's wife! Frost:
:bbed his eyes, stammered, mad<
alf a bow, felt wholly lost, an<
nally gave it up.
1 declare:" he exclaimed, lookin:
lanker than the wall; 'I've mis
Lken the house:"
"Oh no, my. dear sir," said Col
wyer, immedilately rising and going
p to him, "you have done no suci
-ng; you know you have not! Yoi
ave only stolen in here to bring dis
race upon my family. I've heei
ispectig this, sir, for a long time
ad now. sir, I'll just walk out my
lf with you anid lbe at the troubli
finding your own house for you."
Upon this the Colonel put on hi
at and coat, and insisted on accomn
anying Mr. Frosty home. N~ot
dabie of explanation would h
"Oh, no. no:" he would say, when
ver Frosty began to apologize.
uderstand it well enough. I se
ow it is. It's all very well to sa
a've lost the way into my house
Ut I should for the future advse yo
efore going into other persona
ouses to just look and see If you
wn number runs th length of tb
Just the language Frosty ha1 D
re used to him, and just wha
saled his lips. Frosty was floorea
ompletely. But that was the bes
f it. The Colonel insisted on goin
ome with him and going in; and n
"ered his services in such a way tha
'rosty could not have shaken him oil
yen if he was not himsef rendere
abmissive by reason of his own moi
The Colone!. therefore, went it
nd told Mrs. Frosty about it, whi
>thoroughly pleased that amiabl
idv that. in view of previous circunt
lances she set up a resistless laug
) the face of her humbl d lord. i
he midst of which his very polite e~
art t.ook occasion to quietly with
ut Fio-ty was thoroughly cure
f his jealousy, for he admitted thai
Swas quite ;,oss ble for a respectabi1
)an to mistake even the number o
is own door.--Ti-it.
In tM Neck.
Sunday-School Teacher - Nov
lobby, where did Adam 7:et i
*pple? Robby-Where de Cha
t .e ax. -Judge.
On warm dav sound travels at thr
FOR SUNDAY READING
THE GOSPEL OF GRACE IS HERE io
God's Kingdom Ruleth Over All-Every
Storm Brings Sunihine -- Suffer Little
Chnldren' - THapiness the Foundatior
Stone of all Mo ality.
S OD'S pro-;idence L
kingdom is over
all." le can gov
ern all only by c .n
rulling each. Ile
Be presides at th3
providence is mi-,
nute arid speciflc.;G
Great doors swing 1
on small hinges.
God's very great- a
ness enables Him o
co care for the little; only the infnite
can pay attention to inflnitesimals.
It is --trifles that make perfect on."
Telescopes reveal the maguitude of
God's creation; microscopes, the mi
nuteness of Ilis care. God's provi
dence is beneticent. "All things'
work together for good." 'As for
you, ye thought evil avainst me, but
God meant it unto go3d." Even the W
wrath of man is made to subserve
God's bene.:cent purpose. "All
things are yours." "-Fire and hail;
snow and vapor: stormy wind, fulill
ing Ills word." ",I know tho
thouht.s that I thiLge-owar ou, -
thoughts 9f p and not of evil to '
give you an expected end." "Trust a
in the Lord."--Henry 'M. Saudcrs. L
To Be Happy.
There is nothing better than to bL 1
oappy; joy is the real root of mor- e
ality; no virtue is worth praising L
which does not spring fro:n minds con- a
tented and conviced, and free of drcad ;
and gloom. To religion was ever y
divine which ;elied on terror instcad a
of love; and no philosophy will bear a
any good fruit which propounds des
lair and CI duces annihilation. This a
Is where, by their own true institict',
Ithle grreat poets hiave done so muchb
more for mankind than mo t of iti
benefactors, delighting as they do in
life, and preserving amid it- deepest L
mysterie; and hardest puzz'esa divine i:
screnity about its origin and purpo;e. t
Ubserve our Engli,h Shakspeare: a
How calm, how complacent,
how a sured his glorious genius V
aiways ab ds! A page of him
taken almost anywhere-set hesieic
a jpage of moderzi pes-imisma-iz liK-:
the speech of a prince in iis plea
ure house compared with the nroan- 0
iugs of the sick wretch in a spital.
All genuine poets, from Iomer to -
Browning, are radically joyoosi
They shaIl !w accounted Loot-ki;'
w ho -inply tell tho Iato lVart-asing tin
And Ilatiz says: 11 is wnispered
of me in Shiraz, that I was sad. but
I what had I to do with sadness?" Art
in all its highest forms be-ars no
message so imperative as to empn ha
size the beauty and maintain the
dignity and delight of life, anld you
may judge first-class wri'.ers and
painters, as we shall some day judge
philosop~hers, by their tidelity to tils
wholesome errand of joy.-Sir Ed wiu
Under the Clouds.
There is no journey of life but hans
as5 clouded days; and there ate sine
day)s in which our eyes are so id~nded
with tears that we tindl it hard to see I
our way, or even read God's prornises.
Those days that have a bright sun
rise followed by sudden thunderclaps I
an.! oursts o~f unlooked-for sorrows, t
are the ones that test certain of our
graces the mosat severely. Yet the
law of spiritual eyesight, very closely t
resemi~es the lamw of physical optics.
When we come suddenly out of the t
daylight irto a room even moderately I
rarkened we can discern n-thing, but t
the pupil of our eye'graduailly en- I
larges until uns enI ob.~ects he0 -omie
visible. Even so the pupii or the eve
of faith ha-, the bles-ed faculty of
enlarging in dark hours of hc-:
reavement, so that we dis-:
cover that our loving F-ather's
hand is holding the cup of trial, and
by and by the dloom becomes Ilum
~inous with glory. The fourteent h
chapter of John never fails with such
rsweet musie uponi our ears as when
we catca its sweet straIns aid the
pause; of some territic storm. "1.et
not your heart be~ trub icd: ye ic
ieve in God, believe also mn u:e. 3
y ill not leave you co'mfortiess."
Enriching Onzs L.ife.
e If all our young women realixeai.
t as we gladly recognize that many of
,them do. how much brighter and
Iricher their lives might be made b.y
a generous literary duet, they wouldl
early cultivate a taste for reading,
since this is an appetite that grows
Sby feedinig, but is di;ticult to areu re
e n later years. It is not best
-at lirst to undertake heavy, ex
haustive treatises upon subrjec-ts of
which one knows little an-1 cares lews
since this method wearies adl dis
courages at the outset. liather let
one start with the re-olve to add
daily to her stock of inforniation
t something fresh and valuable upon
e subjects in which she is already in
terested, to master thoroughly each
new fact, andl to ailow the interest
which increased knowledge is sure ti
awaken to carry her int~o broader
.elds. _ _ _
14 This You~r Ca-'?~
There are t'.-day thousands of pro
Lessors of religion who can gh e no
better reasons for points of faith
e which they hold than that they were
so ir-med by thrair reliius t~each
Let all su a search the Scri0.
ires, and when they find their in
ruction in confict with the plain
ord, discard it, and obey God. Only
can you "be ready always to give
i answer to every man tbat asketh
u a reason of the hope that is io
>, with meekness and fear."
Notes and Comments.
A. N. BARBER, of the Bouldeck
1, Congregat'oral Church, claims
be the most fashful Sunday-school
acher in America. He hasn't
tissed a Sunday in twent-six vears.
REV. TrHOMAS T. STONE, D. i).
ho is now residin in iiddlesei
ounty, Nass., recently conipleted
Is -3rd year. He is the oldest liv
g graduate of Bowdoin Coll'ege,
laine, and has served 70 years ir I
CANos'N FARRAP, the eminent de
nder of the Episcopal Church in
reat Britain, Is authority ior the
atement that there are 7,000
ergy in the Church of England who
e moving onward toward the RLo.
an Catholic Church.
TIE MNormons are lying low and
ttng Utah Territory drift toward
atehoo:1, says a well-known Salt
age City gentleman. When the
me , omes, and it is impossitle for
le nation to reverse the work done
the enabling act, if it passes, the
>wers of the leaders in the church
Ill be exercises in a 1;olitical way,
Ad Utah wil bed Mormon State i
ery sense of the work.
Favors Indefinite Sentences.
..Very strong artrument for th
Indente sentence" of crim'nals,
ith pilobationary Charles A. Collin
the recent anniversary meeting of
ae Massacliusetts Prison Association.
rofessor Coll n regards this system
3 "'the foundation corner stone of
ny rat onal, scientific methods of
:eat:ng 1 rison conve ts." "The
rausformat'on of the criminal into
,ervi eable member of socety," he
id, "is the only effective protection
soc ety against h'm. The mere
miiporary caging of the er'uinal as a
ilu beast is a protection to society
)r the time be'ngit s true. But if,
L.en he is let out of his (age, he is
oise than when he went in, he may
e more wary and t unn ng thereafter,
uta he w-11 be more dangerous to
iety than before he was caged."
nder the present system the conv:ct
d.scharged at the end of a fixed
arrn with a new suit of clothes and
few 'lollars in his I oket. -How
iany graduates of Harvard Uni
ers t7,' Professor4 Collin asks,
dro ped upon the world in such a
shoil. WA)", a hnf fj6,_ PU;i"
haiti tcr, -. itT1 - 'reputaorf
hich Ilarvard can give them, w th
u friends except su h as beckon them
o haunts of vi e and criminal ways
f earnirg a living-how many H1ar
ard graduates under such ireum
tan es would get tigough the next
wo years without being compelled to
eg, burrow or steal?: Bow, then can i
oi ex. e t the d scharged prison con
eet, w th the firinest of good resolu
ions (as inany at that moment have,
ut with no satisfa tory references to
revious employment, with no friends
whom h.' an lborrow. intoxi' atcd
vith the sud sense of freedom, to
vod the commiission or new crimes
efore he can earn an honest living?'
The Power of Habit.
The other morning, a tall, stouw
an with a straggy,half-g.own beard
.d e ery indication of poverty in his
oparel, entered the liggs House and
proached thie desk where Proprie tol
e Witte was stand ing.
"I have not had anything to eat
xcpt a sandwich yesterday morning
or two days,'' he said in a Voice that
rebled with weakness. "Can't
'ou let me have something?"
3Mr. De Witte gave him a card it
he sieward, arid pretty soou hc was
-raciously disposing of a pjlentitul
reakrast. When he had finished he
mconciously dipped his lingers in
he water glass, passed them over his
ij s. andi drying them on the napkin
rose from the table. Drawing him
elf up lie smiled with satisfaction,
n 1,utting his hand into his pocket
ihis tattered tet lhe drew forth a
ime and proitered it to the .aston
shed waiter. When the latter re
used the tip, the man appeared to
waken from a dream, and with red
ening face he muttered something
m~ huriedly went out.
Hiis trait. beariig muanner and poise
~eneraly were those pf a man who.
id known better day.and the un-d
nisiious re: (,4nition *p the water
howed that the bower of habit ac
1uired in the aays of his prospierity
'ad as-erted itself when the mlomen
,arv pleasure of a square meal had
:aused2 himt to forggt his present
ight. -__ _ _ _ _ _ _
Fiedship has its duties. You
we your friend sympathy in h s sor
OWS and in his joys. You owe hIm.
'on idence and the information a bout'
murself whikh c.onidenace implies. I
et that information; is to i.e giveni
;ith a fertain reserve, so that you do
ot seemi to force your affairs upon
um, or to make him responsile for
eon. Of crises in which he could not
u( you, or wouldl be pained by his
nab) lity, it 1s often wise to say noth
.ig. There is a ine subtle inst nct
which guides in such matters. How
aver near your triend -bings j'ou to*
aim. you are to respe t his individu
ility. Informat~on that is purely
personal you must wait for. Ir lie
so not volunteer it. be satistier
that he has his rea-ons. I o nit seek
-above all, do not claim-i t is a
right of your friendeblp. Be gener
us, not exactong.
"ASH BARREL JIMMY." .
'he Salvation Army's Frirst Convert in thi
The first Salvation Army converl
in America is still living and serving
'he army in Boston. His conversion
about by Com.
- missioner Rail
ton, then in com
mand of the
of the army, and
u pt. Thomas
Byrnes, of the
New York po
"ASRDAfRRL JIMMT." lice. Mr. Byrnes
;as an inspector of police at the
:ime, early in 1880.
James Kemp, or "Ashbarrel Jim.
ny," as he is more commonly called,
BOW "ASHBARREL JIMMY" WAS FOUND.
as born in England and was early
eft an orphan. His childhood was
ipent on the London streets and be
nore the age of 10 he was arrested for
idinkenness and sent to prison. At
7 he was sent to this country and in
Vew York soon became identified
vith the worst element of the city.
1e became a thief and a drunkard
nd about half his time was spent in
rison. He also joined the notorious
F hyo gang, a company of robbers and
In March, 1880, the Salvatio&
rmy came to New York and began
o hold their meetings. Jimmy
bought it would be great sport to go
Lnd see them but, finding an admis
ion fee was charged at their meet
ng, concluded to spend the little
noney in his possession for drink.
Iccordingly he got drunk. His com
Sions painted his face and rolled
ai sawdust and then kicked him
)ut o e saloon. As he tumbled
.nto the sLteet his hat blew off and,
n his efforts -% get it again, Jimmy
fell Into an asu barrel head first.
rhere he stuck and the6 'I-e police
found bm- They could not gemnnu
57it^86? he was dragged by the feet
to the station house still In the bar.
rel, yelling at the top of his lungs.
When Jimmy was brought before
the judge he was a sorry sight. His
race was cut and bleeding, the paint
nd sawdust still covered it, and his
othes were in rags. The Judge
would have condemned him to Black
well's Island, but Inspector Byrnes
pleaded for him and suggested that
be be turned over to the Salvation
Army that they might see whether
they could do anything with him.
The Judge consented and Jimmy was
allowed to go, on condition of attend
ing their meetings. He went to
their hail, but a policeman there re
fused to let him euter and knocked
bimu down with a club. Commis
toner Railton, of the army, went tc
limmy's assistance and he was
brought into the ball. In time he
was converted. He has persevered,
nd to-day the Salvation Army has
ro more zealous or trustworthy mem
er than "Ashbarrel Jimmy."
Cheap Indelibl Ink.
Banana luice is said to make an ad
nirable mndeilible ink. The juice or
dead-ripe banana certainly makes a
tain' that even old Father Time him
elf does not seem to De able to re
nove. There are certainly, at pres
at no known chemicals which will
essen it in the least degree. The
uice from a thoroughly decayed
anana is a bright, clear carmine.
The Mystic Plant.
The mistletoe is by no means, even
n a state of nature, a rare plant. In
nodern times it Is regularly culti
rated, the viscous seed. if carefully
nserted in a notch in many tree
arks, sprouting with ease, though
:ts growvth Is extremely slow. But
rees selected for this crop are socn
ncapable of producing any other;
ror. the sap heing intercepted by the
roots of the parasite, the proper
ripening of the fruit Is prevented,
and in time the tree is killed. Hence
little by little the trade -In this dis
inctive feature of Christmastide has
been drifting over the Channel, where
either land Is cheaper or apple treer
re less valued
AIItty Got It.
Bobby-Oh, mawma! Tabby's got
awfully rich since you've been away.
Mamma-Arnd how did she get rich,
Bobby? Bobby-Why, papa wade
the men give '5 cents to the kitty
every time they bei three of a kind
Wvhat a Jaw.
William Hecker, a strong man of
Augusta. Ga., can move a freight car
with his teeth. What a reputation
a jaw like that would win for its
rwner in the line of professiona7
Little Willie-I wish I was you~,
Mr. Selfmade. Mr. Seltnmade (who
has come to dinner)-And why.
Wilie? Willie - 'Cause you don't
get your ears pulled for eating with
SFR1NK IS OF SPIE
NUMOROUS SELECTIONS FROMI
Bokes of Preachers, Lawyers. Doctors. ant
Editors-Some of Them Very Dry and
Others Somewhat Juicy-They WIU Aid
Digestion if Perused After Mean8
The Astute Ticket Man.
Citizen (hurriedly)-Ticket and a
half for Po'dunk. Ticket Agenti
(snappishly)-Do you want the half
ticket for that big girl by your side?
Citized-The whole ticket is for her,
but she insisted on paying fare for her
favorite doll- so to humor her I want
the half ticket also. Ticket Agent
-Um-er-how old is the doll?
Sood News. ___
Aunty (shocked)-Do you and yout
sister quarrel over your candy this
way when at home? L'ttle Johnny
--No'm. Mamma always gives us so
much we both has plenty.-Good
The boy-What'll yer gib me. Uncle
Peter, ter hold yer hoss fer yer?
Uncle Peter-I'll gib yer er whack in
der jaw. Yer rapscallion, yo' t'ink
I'se gwine ter trust er fiery animal
like dis yere hoss wid yo'?-Judge.
V A New Theatrical Suggestion.
A New York manager has come ti,
the conclusion that the way to ele
vate the stage is to have an endowed
theater. Mighty good idea. It
should have, first, an endowment of
brains; second, of actors. ana. third,
of people who will pay to see the per
formances. Such an endowment
ould go.--Indianapolis Timf
A Bad SpeilL
"Why, how is this, my dear sir?'
inquired a Harlem doctor. "You
sent me a letter stating that you had
been attacked by small-pox, and I
find you suffering from rheumatism."
"Well, you see, doctor, it's like this,"
said the patient, "the! e wasn't a soul
In the house who could speli rheuma.
\ism. "-Texas Siftings.
Sure of Himself.
City Editor-Weil, what did you
Iear about tbat accident on the P.,
D. & L. railroad? New reporter
Oh, it was nothing. City Editor
Nothing! Why. the dispatches say
it was terrible. New l'eporter
Well, I just came from the president
of the road, and he ought to know.
Little Dick-Papa dioesn't have
much fun. HeI has to go to business
every day. Little 1ot-That's to
get money, 'cause he's a promider,
mmmla says. "A what?" "A pro
v der." "Well. if papa is a provider,
1 wonder whait mamma is?" "I ex
pect she's a divider. "-Good News.
She K~new It.
Mr. Dinwiddie-l see that Mrs. GlaO
tone has written an article on chil
dren, in which s e sars the:' need
change. Mrs. Dinwiddie-D~on't I
know that? Dro'L they come to me
two or three times a 'day and ask for
a ni':kel or a dime:-Pittsur zb
EtelOh I see. Tsyi it eby
teson (Sunda mrin -Don %r
givein mer ny cle hi otndm
teyro Mrs Ctrso-h, I never
Dnew nyo tres Te befre
Caterson- Well, I am going to ch urch
and I am afraid it might keep me
An Ingenious Tramp.
ITramp-Say. governor, you wanter
get a medal from the humane so
ciety? Gentleman-Through you?
Tramp-Yes. Give me 81 and you'll
saye both our lives. -Hallo.
Ma~bne glas bling is~ a failure.
Tms advertisement !s being pubr
fished by the daily papers: "Big
Money-Owners of valuable secret
process for doubling weight of but
ter, sweetening and purifying bad,
will sell rights to ag -nts and othe-4
to use it on reasonable terms. Apply
or address - -." We would ad
vise our readers, if they are ever un
fortunate enough to come in contact
with the advertiser or any man who
buys this "valuable secret," to keep a
tight grip on his valuables; for eithex
one of the precious rascals would
meal a widow's woodpile.
Taz death of the "Danbury News
Man" will remind everybody that the
peculiar humor of which he was one
of the most striking professors-the
humor of the exaggerated and the
grotesque-is of very recent origin.
Hardly a generation has elapsed since
it frst made its appearance. Yet in
that time it has circled the earth,
and has done more to make the
United States known and understood
abroad than any other force. Two
or three fortunes have been made out
of it in London by the newspaper
imitators of it; and a faint reflection
of its roguish distortion of solemn
fact is to be found in the literature
of our stately British cousins.
TrE average blank marriage csr-Y
,ficate, as sold by stationers, is uF
worthy of its ultimate use. It is a
piece of fantastic type and border
work, printed usually-on cheaD paprr.
It is a priceless bit of
ccurse, when chirographic art trans
forms It into a certificate of mar.
riage; but it ought to be a thing of
I beauty, even-though it may not prove
to be a joy forever. They do these
things better in Belgium. The mar
riage certificate there is an artistic
little book, of the finest tinted paper,
bound in morocco, with gilded edges.
The book, in addition to the form of
I certiflcate, contains useful informa
tion about the marriage laws of Bel
gium, hints about the care of chil
dren and blank forms for their names
HANrGIG would be too good for the
miscreants who have exterminated
the Yellowstone Park herd of buffalo.
With the possible exception of a
small herd in Texas these were the
last American bison remaining in a
dte T 'Mbe Canadian orth But
for the fortunate forethought of in
dividuals who have reduced a number
of specimens to. captivity the total
extinction of the race would now be
a certainty. As it is, there is still a
possibility of its revival. "Ben Har
rison" and his companions at Golden
Gate Park have suddenly been ele
vated into a position of immense im
portance. They are like the mem
bers of Noah's menagerie that were
charged with the duty of restocking
the earth after the flood.
OLONEL THOMs OcEItTREE, onc,
of Texas, now _of the world at large,
has not retained his sturdy, primitive
Americanism. He has feasted of the
fleshpots of Europe and has lost his
simpile tastes. He now despises the
Ithings in which he once rejoiced.
While a witness in a lawsuit at New
York the other day he was asked:
"Is it true that you won that gold
watch in a game of poker?" to which,
growing -edl in the face and purple
in the neck, Colonel Ochiltree replied
passionately: "That is an infamous
question." There was a time when
Colonel Ochiltree would not have con
*sidered the query infamous. There
was a time when he would have 7
beamed with modest pride and
shouted joyously: "You bet I did,
and $175 into the bargan." He might
even have favored the court with
that anedote of the poker game
wwerein he lost $20,002-"the worst
of it being," as he was accustomed to
add "that $2 of it was cash." But
C0.- nel Ochiltree has evidently suf
fere~d by contact with the effete des
poiss He probably takes a bath
-nea week and wears underclothes.
T t:y wouldn't know him in Texas
THrE news that the V'anderbilts are
on t he point of buying up a job lot 01
Southern railroads is not altogethber
unwelcome. The concentration of
g treat railroad interests under the
cntrol of one man or one set of men
is act desirable as a general proposi
tio.n, but it has certain advantages.
In the case of the Vanderbilts the
ad vantages are distinctly pereeptible.
B:egirnnn with the old Commod.;re
the Vanderbilts have always sought
ti conduict their railroa-is as business
er.terpres !ather than as nmediuimi
for st ck jobbin~g. If the Vander
bit-; securer control of the Sc'uthern
r(eadethe traveling public will reap
the benefit. The lines will be put In
good condition and the service will
be madle tihe best possible. The
Vanderbilts are not exactly philan
thropists, but they know how to ren
railroids, and that is all the public
med caro about themi.
E A cr year. itistimated, there is
an averse.; of 6,000 murders comn
r it ted in the United States, 1:.0 legai
Sa2iuS, no i-00 lynchinn&