Newspaper Page Text
TRI-WEEKLY EDITION. WINNSBORO, S. C., MAY 30 1895. ESTABLISHED 1849
Popular rights are those tOat are
doming our way.
Possums can be bought in Southwest
wrn Georgia for 15 cents apiece. And
yet the exodus from the South to Li.
beria Is still going on!
Hetty Green herself Is the first to
feny the damaging rumor that she had
opened her heart and purse-strings for
. public enterprise of any character.
There will be a trolley line all the
way from New York to Philadelphia
before the year is out. It Is doubtful
if there will be any steam railroads leff
Harvard has decided to permit foot
oall under "rules which will make the
game quieter." Coroners henceforth
will not be called upon to referee the
The Lodi, Cal., farmer who claims to
aave been hypnotized out of $2,000 may
find consolation in his theory. To the
hard-headed world he will appear as a
plain case of chump.
Expert evidence has at last been giv
en that the gas meter under certain
atmospheric conditions cannot tell the
truth. How Is it that It always lies on
the side of the companies?
"So much is not often told in so fev.
words," the Lewiston Journal truly
says, "as in this remark of the Canaan
correspondent of the Pittsfield Adver,
tiser: 'The eleven little Dickey cbil
tren all have whooping-cough.'"
The confession of an Arkansas states
man that he has been bribed is viewed
with particular disfavor by other states
men, as he received only $100. So
meager a price is naturally looked. upor
.s debasing a noble calling.
Mrs. Langtry's averment that rich
men's sons make her tired is doubtless
true. She has worked them for years.
At Mrs. Langtry makes all but the
sons of rich men tired considerable of -
the weariness of the world seems t
zenter about her.
The Standard trust is having a great
deal of fun with the oil market and
)roducers who share in the increased
price: for the crude product thorough.
ly enjoy the fun. All others, including
the independent refiners who are being
thus -legally" strangled, consider i'
According to the London Times the
United States appreciates the justice of
the English demand on Nicaragua. It
is not worth while to argue that. The
important fact is that England will not
be allowed to enforce any such demand
by taking a single foot of Nicaragua's
.erritory-not a footd
While no one has asked that women
remove their hats in church, the Kan
sas City Non-Partisan Woman's Chris
tian Temperance Union has decided to
- do so in the future. They might re
move a section of the title of their so
ciety without being considered im
modest. It is by no means decollete as
it stands, and decollation might be of
St. Louis xpends nearly three times
as much per lineal mile for cleaning
streets as does the city of Chicago. Re
ports of the two cities for the years 1880
to 1890 Inclusive show the average ex
penditure In the city of St. Louis for
.the purpose vtated was $119, and that
of the city of Chicago but $43. The1
cost per capita to Chicagoans was but 8
cents per lineal mile and that to* the
people of St. Louis 28 cents per lineaJ
The willingness of the worm to tun.
When too rudely attacked has become
proverbial. The panther has not been
accredited with the meek and lowly
disposition of the worm, but It is still
Instructive to note that-afl'ronts whikh(
members of the buman family weakly
tolerate the panther fiercely resents.E
Professor Cory, of Chicago, met a I
panther in the wilds of Florida. The
beast took to a tree and bore with
equanimity the clamor of the profes- I
sor's dogs and the bullets of the profes
sor's companions. *But when the pro- I
:fessor trained a camera upon the cat
'the self-respecting feline leaped upon
him and was with difficulty restrained
from making his professional chair va
cant. A little of the panther spirit at
the seaside resorts this summer would
make Eastern society belles regard the
New York Sunday papers with more
By this time we ought to be well1
accustomed to British Ignorance of
American politics. But still the ig
norance displayed by the St. James'
Gazotte in treating of the income
tax decision of the Supreme Court
may wvell cause surprise. It says that
while "no one has suggested that this
august tribunal can be bribed," "still
It Is significant that the politics of the
various Judges are carefully mention
ed in the dispatches." We do not
kamw what dispatches were received 1
by tae St. James' Gazette, but in this
country mention was made of the
pol~tics of the "various" Judges mere
ly to show that their respective opin- 1
Ions were wholly free from any po.
litical bias. As to the idea of "brib
ing" the "august tribunal," It is about
at intelli;:ent as if some one should 1
cuggest that the Archbishop of Can
terbury had been bribed to vote
against the Deceased Wife's Bister
S.,me people are careless as natur
L~o! she comes with ligh.-lt resplendent,
Looking down with radiant eye,
and a train of clouds attendant,
From her palace in the sky.
And the sheeny clouds are glowing
With reflected iris hues.
&nd their ernine garments strewing
Ia the path that she must choose.
Slow and stately are her paces,
As she walks the night serene;
&nd the bright stars veil their faces
At the coming of the queen?
In fler light the wind rejoices,
In his mirth he shakes the treee;
While with loud and passionate voices
Moan and toss the love-sick seas.
Slowly without eark or cumber,
Silently her course she keeps,
While the city, wrapt in slumber,
Turns in restless dream-and sleep*.
-North British Advertiser.
NOwonder 'Major Eckley was
angry. Here was young Bick
les, a fellow without fortune or
)rospects, proposing for the hand of
11s daughter Zalie.
"But I could work for her," protested
he young man, as they argued the
natter on the porch.
"Yes, oh, yes; work your jaws wheri
iomething was put between them."
"Mention some of your other objec
"It is not necessary; the one uudei
liscussion answers every purpose." (
"It may answer all your purposes,
)ut it doesn't answer mine. Let me tell
rou that your daughter loves me, and
hat 1 promise to work faithfully, if
ou give you' consent, but if you don't I
will rtiaway with her without mak
ng any primise at all."
"Oh, Is that a fact?" the old man sar- I
Astica~y rejoined. ."Run away with I
er, eh? All right, I will follow along
tad seek an early opportunity of filling f
your hide so full of holes that It
vouldn't hold wheat straw. Loves you,
loes she? Ah, ha! loves youl Well, I
ow, I'll call her, and you may start to
-un away with her right at once. Bet- I
:er roll up your breeches before you I
itart Loves you, does she?" V
"Yes, I do." The girl stepped out upi
>n the veranda.
The old Major turned angrily upon a
"Yes, I do," she repeated, "but I wih
lot marry him without your consent.
or gracious sake, don't say anything
nore, for here comies General Griddle
Bickles withdrew. General Griddle
on, an old fellow with a pompous air. 1
ud broken veins in his face, dismo'unt- I
d at the gate. LHe and the Major were
he warmest of friends. For each oth
r's sake they were heroically self-sae
ificing; they would fight for etch oth-.
r, and, at poker, they had often won
ach other's money.
"Alh! good-morning. General." I
"Ah! Miajor, good-mo'rtling."I
"Beautiful weather, General."
This form of greeting changed with
he weather, andl people who were ac
ustomed to see the two old men me'et
ach other had long since ceased to 1
mile at their ludicrous gallantry, so
amiliar had the system of salutation
"Zalie," snid the Major, "go into tht t
ouse; I have something particular to
ay to - the General. What do you
hink?2" he added, when the girl had I
vithdrawn, "that infernal Bickles
vants to marry my daughter."
"The trifling rascal," the General ex-t
"And he swears." the Major contin I
ied, "that if I don't give my couent
ec will run away with her."
"Oh, the venomnous wolf!" the Gen3
"He is a pauper!" said the Major.
"And a wretch!l" declared the Gen
"General, you have always stood b3
"And I always will"
"Give me ycur han."I
They shook hands. fand then entered
nto the close and atbsor-bing comm union
>f a game of poker.
A few weeks. later the Major and the
Teneral went down to New~ O)rle:as
LId(, as t hey were re turag on a st eamn- I
nat, t he G'eneral sui.lenly exclaimed: Il
"lty George, Major! yondecr is a mn
ho did me a favo'r i Havana. Yes,"
ca~ig intently, "that Is Victor Dinzo- 1
as. one o'f the most prominent planters
n Cuba. lHe's coming this way."
The General advarnced to meet the
uan, who camne walking with ac
asy, ;;;aceful swing dlown theo cab'i,
1oweVd, :aade an open-arm gesture ancs
"''ardon mue 1f 1 mnke a mistake, htu
s not this the Hoen. Vic'tor Dinzolais?"
The CubaLn, after a moment's rele
ion. re('ognizedl the Genieral, and, with ;
:raceful heartiness, seized his hand.
nVhn the Major had been introduced.
the party withdrew to the bar. Dino.
I:h. was not an ill-looking mau; he wort
Lnormous black whiskers and long hair
and spo',e English easily, but with a
Tight Spanish accent. After several
'rounds" at the bar the General pro
)osed a game of poker. No objection%
bxere raised; the Cuban was accomuo
lating. They went to a private apart
nent, and were soon deep in the thrill
ng anxiety of the "great American
iastime." From the very first, Dinzolas
>egan to win. The Major snorted and
.he General fumed, but the Cuban, un
listurbed, still continued to rake in the
it must have been nearly daylight
xhen the Major shoved back his chair
"So am I," the General took occasion,
"I am very sorry, gentlemen," the
7uban declared, "for I have just begu
:o get interested in the game. Have
rou nothing that you can put up?"
"No," the Major remarked. "As I
ave often been compelled to remark,
ILave nothing left except my planta
ion. my soul and my daughter.'
"Ah!" said the Cuban, "would you
ike to put up one of them-the planta
ion or the daughter?"
"Sir!" exclaimed the Major, spring.
ng to his feet, "what do you mean?"
"Oh, no offense, I assure you. I have
nore respect for my friend, the General,
han to insult his friend. I once won a
roung lady-please be seated. Major,
lon't get excited, for I assure you that
[meant no insult."
"Major, hear what he's got to say,'
he General interposed.
The Major sat down; the Cuban con
"Once, in the City of Mexico, I played
or a gentleman's daughter and won
er. An agreement was drawn up,
eading about this way: 'I agree to
Ive the bearer my daughter so-and-so,
rovided he can gain her consent' I
won the paper bearing these words,
.ut in truth did not win the girl. She
purned me. Perhaps I should be more
ortunate another time."
"Will you excuse the Major and mt
f we request a private interview?" the
eneral asked, addressing Victor Din
"Most assuredly; I will withdraw."
"Don't this beat anything you evei
ward of?" said the Major, when the
uban had withdrawn.
"Rather peculiar, I must say; but let
ne tell you I see good in it. Agree to
its proposal, put up Zalie."
"General, do you take me for an in.
"Oh, no. Now, if you put up your
laughter and lose her, this Cuban
night come around, and-well, he
night scare-the life out of Bickles."
The Major slapped the General on the
"You are the smartest man in the
orld, General. Call that half-nigger
The Cuban resumed his place, put up
thousand dollars against Zalie and
von. Shortly afterward the boat land
d at Campbell's Bend.
One afternoon, several days later, the
ajor and the General sat on the ver
nda overlooking the broad nield of
"Major, 'is Bickles still hangingi
"He was here yesterday, but left
omewhat downcast, as Zalie positively
efused to marry him without my con
ent. Who is that coming through the
>ig gate? By gracious! it's that infer
"That's who it is."
"Confound my fool hide. I wish k
idn't done that caper. I wouldn't
mave done it If I hadn't been halt
trunk. Now, that's a nice piece of pa
ier he's got. Wish Bickles was here.
'd soon have them chewing each other.
don't know what to do."
Zalle came out on the veranda.
"Oh! who is that?" she asked.
The Cuban had dismounted at th<
"Oh, but doesn't he look just like the
hero of a novel?"
"Zalie!" thundered the Major, "ge
nto the house!"
The girl obeyed. The Cuban came up
"Ah, General, glad to see you again;~
td the Major, I hope he has not for
"No." said the Major; "sit down."
The Cuban took his seat and began
o fan himself with his broad-brimmed
iat. The Major snorted; the Genera)
jemmed and hawed.
"Ah!" said the Cuban, "Is Miss-Misa
--let ue see (examining the paper) ah.
iss Zalie. Is she at home?"
"Look here," said the Major. "I want
'ou to understand that my daughter is
iot a slave!"
"Oh, certainly, I understand that; bmn
he is mine if I can win her. This
"Hang the paper!"
"Bunt, as a gentleman, you cannot,
h, give me a word here, cannot repu
"That's a fact," the Major admitted.
The Major's face grew livid with
age, but he called Zalie. She came out,
nd when the Cuban was presented
he bowed with charming grace.
"A very handsome girl," said the Cu
a. "She has many fine points."
"Sr!" thundered the Major, spring
ng to his feet
"No offense. Will my friend, the Gen
ra, explain the object of my visit?"
"I will," the General answered, "but
ould first like to send for a friend of
nine, Mr. Bickies."
"My time is limited. Will the General
The General explained; the girl lis
ened with deep interest.
"Oh, how romantic!" she said; "hos
ba..nng ncommon! Sir." extendina
her hand to to-ward t-e Cu-n, i-i- g
"What!" the Major roared, "go wit
tiis barbarian? No, not If he had fift,
"A contract signed by a gentleman;
the Cuban said, "is a document o
The Major sat down.
"You are right," he said, "you ari
:ight, but I don't understand my daugh
ter; don't understand her. I though
she was a woman of pride, but I don'
"I do," said the Cuban. He snatche<
Aff his false whiskers and long hair, re
vealing the familiar features o
The Major snorted like a frightenet
aorse. For several moments he coulh
say nothing. Then he turned upon thi
"Hold on, Major," said the General
laughing. "Here is the money the Cu
ban won from you on the boat."
The Major took the money, and, tuck
ing it Into his vest pocket, remarked:
"Bickles, you've got more sense thai
I thought you had, and I reckon I'l
have to stand by my contract."-.NeN
A BIBLE AND A SHOTGUN.
e Carried Both, Although He Wai
a Preacher, and Had Faith.
The panther scare has spread ovo
he entire country, and is especialll
intense among the colored people, wh<
not only believe all the wild store:
they hear about the beast carryin;
women and children away in his crue
jaws, but will not be persuaded tha
there Is no such cruel animal lurkin;
A reporter while riding in the settle
ment south of Panama, was haile<
through the woods by an old-time dar
ky preacher. He was an interestiu
type-short and bow-legged, and thes4
bow-legs were Incased In trousers s(
long they wrinkled at the heel. Ho
'had on a jim-swinger, the tails 0:
which wiped the dew from the buck
leberry bushes along the trail he wai
pursuing. He had on a high standini
collar, to spit over which he'd have t<
get on a stump. The collar was encir
ted by a clerical tie. Surmountinj
the very black face with its wrinklei
md fringe of snowy beard was a sill
hat that looked as If It had beer
brushed by a cyclone. The hat wai
several sizes too large, and had it noi
been tilted backward the ears upor
which It rested would have been una
ble to support the burden.
As he hailed, the reporter stoppe(
and waited. The. old man came ul
Dut of breath. The strangest part ol
ils outfit -was a donaile-barreled, muz
:le-loading shotgun, loaded and capped
This was under one arm. Under thi
>ther was a Bible.
"Boss," said he, wiping his brow
'you hearn anything 'bout a wild crit
-r in dese yer woods?"
"Yes, I have heard of It, but I take
n0 stock in It."
"Dey say hit's a panther?"
"So they do, but they are wrong. It't
>nly a big dog that hangs out by the
"I'm powerful glad to hab you sai
lat Dese people 'round here, an' me
o, been gwine to church armed."
"So that's what you have the sl-ut
"Yesser. Ober at do church you'T
most likely find a stack o' guns."
"But I see you have a Bible. Isn';
aith better than a shotgun?"
The old fellow scratched his head
e was puzzled. "Yes, boss, faith ii
better'n a shotgun, but a shotgun is i1
handy thing to carry 'roun' to take
care 0' youssef and not gin de Lord nc
Death Made a Difrerence.
Mr. Horace Fletcher, one of the most
harming of New Orlean's charmiin~g
people, visited Boston last summer,
and while there he determined to make
a trip to Amesbury, the former honw
of the poet Whittier. Mr. Fletcher
has a poetic nature, and he reveres
the memory of the dear old Quaker
lyris.. He got aboard an electric car
and whirled to and fro amid the quiet
senes In which Mr. Whittier used te
participate, and presently he could sup.
press his emotions no longer-he had tui
unbosom his thoughts to a fellow
traveler, a resident in Amesbury, a
~umblelooking man, seemingly a car
enter, for he had a kit of tools with
aim. Mr. Fletcher praised Amesbury
d its people, and then he discoursed
long and eloquently upon the poet
Whitter and upon the honrs which his
genius had reflected upon his towns
en and associates. Mr. Fletcher even
quoted whole poems, by way of clinch
lag his argument with his fellow-trav
eler, but curiously enough the Ames.
bury man sat silent and unmnoved.
Finally, after our New Orleans frient.
had talked himself to the verge of
bronchitis, tihe Amesbury man said,
oldly and forbiddingly: "We folks
here in Amesbury don't think as much
of Mr. Whittier as we did. You know
we don't go much on a tax-dodger.
While he wuz livin' he never paid no
taxes on more'n $4,000, but after he
ied-howlin' Jehosaphat! it comes ta
ight afore the Jedge of Probate thai
be wu:s worth $200,000i"-Chicagv
Sweet Girl-Papa says you can't af
ord to marry. Ardent Youth-Non
sense! I can get a preacher to perform
the ceremony for two dollars. Sweet
Girl-Can you? How foolish papa Is.
New York Weekly..
Customer-"Why do you call this eleo'
ri cake?" Baker's boy--"I s'pose be.
. ,, t as currants In it."--Philadelphi
(ow the Graceful Creature Kills Iti
Enemy, the Rattlesnake.
The antelope, which in former years
,'as common in Western North Amer
Ica, is now a rarity. It may be found.
however, on both sides of the Sierra
M1adre Mountains, reaching down inte
kIexico, where it is still hunted.
A full-grown male antelope stands
lbout seven feet eight inches at th<
withers and is about five feet in length
ANTELOPE KILLING A BATTLESNAKE.
rhe general color is of yellowish brown
in the back and upper portions, with
white below. The animal is a type ol
grace and activity. Its limbs are long,
slender and delicate, terminating in
1harp, knife-like hoofs, that are often
ased as weapons, especially when the
intelope meets a rattlesnake. At such
a time the lithe animals are much ex
rited, and the one possessed of the
Diost courage possibly will undertake
the act of executioner. This it accom
plishes by leaping into the air, bring
ing its hoofs together in a point so that
they come down upon the coiled ser
pent, cutting and lacerating it so that
but a few bounds of this kind result iv
the reptile's de&th.
HUNG IN A TREE.
foung Man Meets Death in a Very Pe;
A peculiar and fatal accident befell
George Brady, son of Nathaniel Brady,
)f Homing Falls, W. Va., recently.
roung Brady was riding a frisky young
horse, and the animal ran off with him.
Passing under a large apple tree grow
ng by the roadside, the boy's neck was
taught in the forks of two large limbs,
Ind his neck forced up into the crotch
)f the limbs. The horse was going very
rapidly, and the force drew his neck
Into the forks of the limbs so tight as
to hold him there, strangling him, and
A. MoDERNq ABSALOM!.
tausing death before assistance ar
rived, although several persons were
iiear at hand. The horse ran on, leav
%cg the boy hanging by t4 neck.
An Adjunct to the Mail Service.
The employment of trolley cars to
issist in distributing the mails has
proved quite satisfactory in Brooklyn.
rhe part of the car reserved for the
postofdice is especially fitted up for
this purpose. The equipments of the
traveling postofilee are similar to those
rdinarily used. Several postal clerks
arecompany the cars, and they open the
nail bags and sort and arrange the
mil on the route. The cars stop te
take on and let off passengars in the
asual way. They are run directly inte
the postofflce yards to load or unload
the mails. In this work the trolley
lines are looked upon as regular mail
routes and are regularly engaged and
paid by the Government It is prob
le very general use of this novel
plan will be made throughout the coun
try. _ _ _ _
An Ideal Arm.
Sculptors say that very few women
'ave arms that conform to the stand
ard. A perfect arm, measured from
the wrist joint to the armpit, should
be twice the length of the head. The
upper part of the arm should be large,
full and well rounded. The forearm
must not be too fiat, not nearly as fiat
as a man's, for instance. From a well
molded shoulder the whole arm should
taper in long, graceful curves to a
well-rounded wrist. It is beter te
have an arm that harmonizes, even
if. the parts do not conform to the
generally accepted lines. For instance,
a full, round, upper arm which is join
ed to a flat or thin forearm has a very
bad effect. Perhaps it is only a little
worse, however, than a graceful, well
molded forearm tacked on to a thiD
crawny upper arm.
Fair Invalld-I really~<do not see how
am going to live through Lent. Coin
forting Friend-Nonsense, dear, any
voman ought to be able to live through
ent Think of your Easter bonnete.
5ew York World.
Money elevates many who, on
Account of mediocrity, would, if nol
HOW TO CATC4 BIG BAS&
Mr. Winston Tells Hoor Fish A&f
Caught in Southern California.
F. S. Winston has recently returne(
.rom a trip to Honolulu. His home
coming was by the way of the aouthern
California route. His stories of the
manners and customs which obtain in
the points visited are interesting.
"It is entertaining to watch San Die
gans catch sea bass," said Mr. Win
ston. "First they bait a minnow hook
with a bit of worm, and catch a min
now. Then they bait the minnow on
a larger hook, and fish with It to cap.
ture a smelt. When they get the smelt
they take their heavy sea-fishing tackle,
place the smelt on the hook, and go to
angling for a halibut or sea bass. After
they get their halibut or sea bass, and
the big, r either is the better, they bail
It on a hook which is as big as a small
anchor with only one fluke. This hook
Is attached to a line a quarter of an
Inch in diameter. When all is ready
the fisherman whirls the big hook with
the halibut on it several times around
his head, and then gives it a toss out
Into the water. Away it sails thirty or
"Say, for instance, that this black
bass fishing is being done from the long
dock at San Diego. San Diego Bay is
about the best place for this fishing
along the coast, although the fish are
plentiful at other places. After the
baited end of the line is cast the other
end is coiled on the dock, and an empty
keg or quarter barrel, or something
like that is tied to it. Then the fisher
man gets in his rowboat, taking a
harpoon with him, and waits for a bite.
Seems queer, here in the East, doesn't
it, to go out after black bass? The
trouble is, you see, that the black bass
of those southern California waters
weigh from 200 to 1,000 pounds, and it
wouldn't be much use to go out after
them with fly tackle -and an eight
ounce rod. That's what I said. Thous
and pounds. And it's true, every word
of it. It isn't often one as large as that
is taken, but they have been, and will
be again. I helped kill one once that
weighed 600 pounds. It took over five
hours to do it, but that was nothing ex
traordinary, for a 200-pounder will give
his captors a good three hours' fight any
"Sometimes one of these monster bass
will be ready at hand when the halibut
or sea bass bait goessailingthrough the
air and lands with a splash in the
water, and will seize itimmediately~but
more frequently there is more or less
of a wait for the big fish to bite. When
be takes the bait, true to bass nature,
away he goes with a rush. Instafitly
as many persons on the deck as can
get a hold on the line seize it and
Blacken the tremendous fellow's pace
if they can. If he doesn't happen to be
too big they can generally fetch him
to, but that is a rare occurrence. Usu
ally the line whizzes through their fin
gers at a rate that makes more than
one of those having hold of the line
drop it quickly to save their hands from
blistering. The shore end of the line
is soon reached, and it is dropped, for
those handling it would be pulled head
!rst off the dock if they held to it. Then
the empty keg or barrel plumps over
board, and the water chase is on. The
fishermen in the boat follow the bar
rel as it is towed swiftly over the sur
face, and if the fish is a particularly
large one it frequently happens that
there will be a long stern chase of the
barrel before the boat overtakes it, that
'bing the object of the men in the boat'
Hard and Bitter Wills.
It was remarked by a writer long ago
that "there Is no revenge so hard and
bitter as that of an old man." And It
is one of the astonishing perversities
of many natures that the longer they
live the harder they hug their posses
sions. The most disinterested affec
tion is passed over, the most faithful
and most valuable services are slightly
and grudgingly rewarded. This mental
and moral disease notably afficts the
richest. The Marquis d'Aligre was a
singular example. Hius will was con
cocted 'with a special desire to disap
poInt and insult his relatives, friends,
and servants. To the first it said: "Ai
for you, my relatives who have been so
long spelling upon this fortune oil
which 'I have concentrated all my af
fections,' you are not going to touch a
penny of It, and not one of you will be
able to boast that you have squandered
tne millions which the old Mar-quis
d'Allgre had taken so many years te
Sir Robert Bevil, one of .Tames I.'s
officials, did not even spare hIs wife. "I
give unto my wife tenne shillings in r
spect she took her sonnes part agatinst
ne and did anymate and comufor-t himi
afterwards. These will not be forgot
ten." And the Earl of Stafford, who
married the daughter of the Duic de
Grammont, wrote: "To the worst of
women, Claude Charlotte de Gr-am
mont, unfortunately my wife, guilty as
she Is of all crimes, 1 leave five and
forty brass halfpence, which will buy
a pullet for her supper. A better gift
than her father can make her."--Thea
Baptiste's mistress was giving a din,
ner party. In the course of the meal
he came running into the room in s
state of .wild alarm, exclaiming,
"Quick! a glass of winel" Everybody
stared, but the lady of the house pour
ed a glass 'of wine and handed it tc
Baptiste. Hie swallowed it at a gulp.
"What is the matter?" demanded hii
mistress. "Oh, madam! I wa~s dread
fully upset. That glass of wine hat
done me good. It has brought m(
round. Only think, I have just had th4
misfortune to break your large desfied
dihes of Sevres norcelainj"
SUPPOSE W S&[IILP
HUMOROUS PARAORAPHS FROM
THE COMIC PAPER&
'er..aat IncdentS Ooeurrfng the I
Ove-SyingS That Ar Cheertal se Me
014 or Young-1Wany Sele*tlo* VW
prybody Wm11 Enjoy eding.
A Great Improvement.
'How is your sister getting on with
her singing lessons?"
"Well, papa has taken the wadding
Dut of his ears for the first time to-day."
Blobbs-Do you think the averag*
man is as stupid before he marries a
le Is afterward?
Cynicus--Cer'tainly, or he would.'s
get married.-Piladelphia Record.
Spirit of the Times.
Mrs. Murphy-Yes, sonny, I've had a
fruit stand in this block for thirty
Tim Ryan-If you'd have advertised
you might have owned the block by thi:
"You don't seem to think this stor3
very funny," complained Smallworl
ifter he had finished.
"Oh, yes, I do," answered Ford. "Go
ihead and tell some more of It"-Cin
Knew Them Wel.
Authoress-Are you widely kncw -
Lean poet-Oh, yes, I've kept them
Licking my return envelopes for years
The Worst of It.
"Matrimony is a game of cards, with
e chances all one way," she observed,
%fter deep thought
"Yes. A woman has a heart, and a
nan takes it with a diamond, and after
that her hand Is his, and besides h3
:an beat her with a club."-Detroll
Something at Any Rats,
Weary Higgins-Dusty, rye a awdm
pain in me stomach.
Dusty Spriggins (sadly)-Thatf more
;an I has in mine, cully.-Judge'
Mistakes of WidoweWs.
Some men who marry ai second time
nake mighty poor selections. We should
think that, being experienced, they
Wuld look around and iet a good one
-Atchison Globe. -
The Philanthropist Heard From.
A foolish philanthropist is willing to
pay the passage of the starving poor
: the Sandwich Islands. There, he
ays, they can help themselves.-Trutba
Jones-How's Wheeler getting along
ince he bought a byclcle? -
Brown-On crutches, I believe.-Lifa
Yeast-How long does Fennison spend
in one of his poems? ~
CrImsonbeak-He told me he spen
x weeks on'the last one .he wrote.,
"You don't say so?"
"Yes; it tooki him ten minutes to
rte It and the balance of the time he
ras trying to persuade some one to buy
yudge-Your age, miss?
Judge (to secretary)-Put down borr
n 1838.-Fliegende Blaetter.
Papa Warn Practical.
Sayboy-I #ant to make a match
Gayboy-Wh'y don',t you do it?~
Sayboy-Her father says it take
noney to start a match factory on his
A Matter of Birthplace.
"I should have you know, sir, that I
im a Londoner, as I was born in Lon
"But I, sir, was born in Cork and I
(m a Corker!"-Boston Globe. .s
How He Said It.
She-Why, this is only thirty-twm
nches anid you advertise it as a yard
wde. Three feet make a yard.
Gallant Salesman-Not such feet as
rours~, madam.-Boston Transcript
The Point of View.
Miss Jones-She sings with a great.
deal of feeling. Don't you think so,
Mr. Brown-Feeling? If she had ani
feeling she wouldn't sing at alL-Fle
E new Ink, described as. "reform,
ak," has beeli brought out in Hanover.
It Is a thin fld, which allows as many
as four copies to be taken, and still
shows a good deep black shads. "Rie
erm Ink" can also be made Cor ordi
nary writing. It Is stated that, even
tter a long lapse of tlie, nather et
hnes inka fade.