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TRI WEEKLY EDITION WINNSBORO, S.C., OCTOBER 3,1899T
2olving the problemi of Life3
An Episode in the Career of a Young
Man That Probably Has Had Its
o Counterpart in Other .Ives.
T-RANGE as it may
SSem, Wick ens
tells it as a joke.
Bat his version
quite misses the
moral, and the
moral is all there
is in it to recom
mend the incident
to the notice of a
pious public If
, x~" -Von fill out Wick
Scus's account with
of more disinterested spectators and
the brokeu story which the hero tells,
and consider it then. in the mass and
sympathetically," remembering your
own youth, you will have a story that
is not to be laughed at.
It happej-e-d oklyn and it be
gan on that evening whItrA;Zldwin's
landlady and his roommate, Wickens,
agreed in consultation that something
was amiss with Baldwin. He main
tained an irritable silence. He re
fused this food. He slammed tho
doors. He answered "No" wherever
the monosyllable could be made to
serve him. Yet these symptoms are
common to so many mental maladies
that it was impossible to diagonise
the case to a prescription. It would
be necessary to know that while he
sat with Wickens, after supper, in
their common room, staring at the
tlowerci paper on the wall, his body
rested lazily in tie ample embrace of
a fat armchair, bat his thought was
flitting through the eternity of years
that are yet to be added to the age of
the old g'ray-beard earth. and the eye
of his imagination beheld time's toy,
the world, spinning with all futility
in the round to which the powers have
condemned it everlastingly. He saw
himself as an infinitely small life
among the myriads that swarm on the
round sides of the globe, and that
globe as a flying speck of star dust in
a million of such motes. - He was un
happy, consequently, and resentful.
He plucked a match from his pocket
and bit at the soft wood. It reminded
him of his pipe. Bat the cold tip of
the amber, striking hard on his teeth
after the soft fibre of the match, star
tled and displeased him. He threw
down the briar with a noiev net
- V-Wicens Iook ed over his newspa
per. "What's the matter 'with you,
anyway?" he said. "You're in a deuce
~of a stew to-night."
Baldwin answered sullenly. "What
do you think?"He was fingering a but
*ton on his coat. The smooth bone of
it slipped in his perspiring fingers,
and he wiped his hands upon his
It was a cool night, and Wickens
saw the action with alarm. "What's
the use of going on like this?" he
"What's the use? What's the use
of anything?" Baldwin blurted out.
"What's the use of slaving in an of
fice? What'll it all amonnt to in a
thousand ye, ars from now?"
in.But the arm about his
Sas if some one had
Bald win glared at hioa. "You think
that's clever," he said. "I wish you
felt the way I do." He rolled rest
lessly in his chair. "I don't want to
work," he whined. "I don't want to
"Well, I'm sure I don't know what
a do for you," Wickens pleaded.
. Baldwin turned to the open win
"It' t ry a wa.k downtown," the
He was sulkily silent.
'"Come on," Wickens said, putting
down is 1naner. "Your liver's out of
crder. A walk will do you good. It's
a cool night and the moon's out."
-. He took his chum by the arm. Bald
win shook off the friendly hand with
a childish irritability. "All right,"
he sai-l. "l'm coming," and rose to
SAs Wickens had remarked, the moon
was out. "T'here," said Baldwin,
when he saw it staring down at him,
'how many busy fools do you suppose
that old skull has leered out?"
"Oh, change the subject,' Wickens
said. "E verybody has the same tron
ble at your age. it-s like the measles,"
"Doesn't help me any."
"Hold up your head," he ordered.
"Ptyour shoulders back and step
out. I never had an attack of the
blues yet that I couldn't walk away
They tramped noisily down the
street. The brisk exertion pumped
2 blood through Baldwin's veins.
.ry the time he had walked two blocks
in sileure the cheerful movement had
begun to drive his bad moodifrom him;
and he groped stubbornly about in his
mi:Pd tc hold it.
.lhen they neared the busier thor
oughifares they crossed a regiment of
the Salvation Army on its way to bat.
tie with the legions of darkness.
Wickens hecard the bass drum with a
"Lucky clogs," Baldwin said. "They
think they know what it's all about."
Wickens lost his patience. "Oh?
(on't be an ass,-- he said. "Who are
you, an'-way, that all creation has to
iv~e you its ason for existing?"
T~1win sulked again. In a ma-:
T "L.!- at that9" he brnke nMt I
waving his hand to the row of lighted
shopsk "Slaving and sleeping as if
they knew what for! Where are the
peope that kept shop in old Rome:'
"Dead. mest likely."
"'Yes, and what did they live for?"
"For the fun there was in ib I t
"Clever, yoi are." Baldwin was
choking with a speechless contempt.
Wickens saw the quarrel to which
they were drifting. "Well," he said;
('you may fluish this walk alone,"
and stopped before a book shop win
dow to look over the array C1 vol
Baldwin stalked down the street,
nuring his mood. Wickens was a
fool at any rate-always had been.
All men were idiots, or they would
not go gambplling around in this
slaughter house as if the butcher were
not waiting for them with the inevita
ble knife. He, Charles McTaggirt
Baldwin, was going to be a sheep no
longer. He was going to-to do
something or other, It did not mat
He turned down a side street and
attempted a short cut across the road
way. He heard a feeble shriek behind
him. Something struck him stiffly in
the side. An arm clutched about his
neck and before he could put out his
hand the asphalt pavement reached
up and struck him a sledge-hammer
blow on the forehead3. There was an
explosion in his brain like the sudden
flame of a flashlight. Then all the
instinct of the animal roused him to
.e f-preservation. Drawing his legs
p iler-iai he arched his back,
slipped the enemy s~ hold 'er- dis
head and crooked his arm up to ward
off a nossible blow. The foe lay limp
on the road beside him. Hehad been
run down by a young lady on a bi
"Oh," he said, recovering himself
"I beg your pardon." He had
sprung to his feet. "Are you hurt?"
and was trying to disentangle her from
She drew her feet up helplessly in
to her skirts. He was plucking those,
with hurried clumsiness, from the
teeth of the gearing. "I didn't see
you coming," he apologized as he
raised her. "I hope you're not hurt."
She pressed her hand, panting,
against her side. "No-o," she gasped.
But when he released her she tot
tered as if to fall, and he was com
pelled to retain his hold upon her
arm, embarrassed and speechless.
"It was so stupid of me," she fal
tered, limping to the curbstone. "I
thought I could get by you, Mr. Bald
He peered down at her in the dark
ness. "Why," he smiled, "I didn't
She laughed somewhat hysterically.
"I saw you comingtlarough the light.
She freed herself from -his arm.
Baldwin returned to midroad for the
bicycle and his hat. When he came
back he found her sitting on the curb.
"You are hurt," he said anxiously.
"My ankle," she replied. "I have
sprained it, I think."
He hesitated a moment. "Take my
arm," he said, "and try if you can
By leaning heavily on him she suc
ceeded in limping along. He wheeled
the bicycle with his other hand, still
a bit emibarrassed. But she laughed
and chatted. It bad been so stupid
of her! It was a wonder she hadn't
killed him. What had he thought it
was that struck him?
eighty per cent. of some bands i-an-|
ished under the conditions of short
grass and deep snow. The cattle and
sheep, on the other hand, are round
he lower valleys during the
leape up in~er. I
he said, "I took you for a tootpa. -
The remembrance of it stirred her
to nervous merriment. Her laugh
was not unpleasant. She choked
prettily at his whimsical description
of his preparations for defence, and
that description became so convul
sively amusing for a moment that
they stood together on a corner shak
ing with laughter. They wont on more
soberly when the fis had passed, but
the barriers were down between them
and conversation was as easy as that
of old frien is.
The distance from the scene of the
collision to her home was not great.
Baldwin rang the door bell and
assisted in allaying the anxiety of the
family. They laughed at last, at a
joint description of the accident as
given by the heroine and the hero
When she had been assisted to her
room by a younger sister, Baldwin
remained to exchange small talk and
drink cool drinks below stairs. Be
fore he left he had been brushed
clean of .the roadway dust by
"brother Tom,'' thanked by her
mother for his kindness to a daughter
of the house and invited by the smil
ing family to call again.
Accordingly he did that, on the
evening following, to see how the
sprained ankle was progressing. The
young woman herself received him.
He found her very pale and pretty,
amiable and altogether interesting.
He had called, on, an average, three
times since in every week, and he has
bought a bicycle.
During the first stages ot their
friendship he worked diligentry for
an increase in his salary to allow of
the purchase of more theatre tickets.
Lately he has had dreams of a honey-<
moon, and is kept worried in his
leisure moments by impatient calcula
tion 'f the time which must elapse
before his salary will suffice for two.
But he is not troubling himself for an
answer to the Sphinx's riddle of ex
istence. Neither is he concerned for
solution of any of the greater prob
lems f this life. The powers have
reconciled him'to the prison bars with ' I
)00)1 Of RANGE IIORSIES
HE VAST HERDS OF THE NORTH
WEST DISAPPEARING RAPILY;
.attlecen and Sheepmen Are Driving
Them From the Pasturage and Water
Exposurc is Killing Thewi and Fac
torles Are Canning Them.
Gradually but surely the great herds
>f range horses on the interioi plateaus
>f Washington, Idaho and Montana
re being driven to the wall. Several
'anses are working to depopulate the
>unch giass ranges of the vast herds
hat have roamed there for centuries.
Briefly stated, the chief causes are the
ucreased demand for irrigable lands
>y settlers and the purchase or lease,
ollowed by fencing, of great areas of
range landIs by cattlemen and sheep
zen. The latter are fencing in the
;prings, creeks and ponds that form
he water sources so vital to range in
:lustry. These facts denote a new era
in the development of Westera sheep
mnd cattle raising, increasing produc
tion, and putting the industry on a
solid basis. It ends the indiscrinate
pasturage of cattle, sheep and horses
ver immense areas of the Northwest
ern States. It means the confining of
the cattle and sheep to lands that can
be acquired, fenced and made more
productive, and it means also the
gradual extinction of the horses.
The horses, or at least their owners,
knov. that their hour of doom has
struck, declares the New York Sun.
Already they are being moved off the
ranges by tens of thousands. Those
left-,are f-orced to eke out a precarious
xisience on theuty pa6tarrlands left
)y the cattle and sheep herders, ilfezw
hey may die of thirst in the summer
>r starve to death in the winter, with
o one to mourn their end.
Daring the last two years at least
5,000 head of range horses have been
removed from the ranges of Eastern
Washington alone. Their disposition
as been approximately as follows.
Zbivoed to Chicago and other Eastern
sen: to Alaska during the Klonkike
rr-sh. ...... ............. .,000
'uned into borsemeat at Linton,
Oregon. for shipment to France.... ?.000
Driven to Idaho, .ontana, Wyoming,
Colorado and Utah, largely for pack
and saddle horses......... ........10.000
rokeu for use by new settlers In
Died during the last two winters.... 8,000
Los3 from State in two years.......65,000
This loss has been double the
atural increase, reducing the num
er of wild horses in the State from
,ibout 125,000 to 80,000 or 90,000. At
this rate of decrease they would last
ror many years, but the fact is that
the horses are being confined to a
smaller area each successive year,
thereby increasing the chances of de
The figures given are based on es
timates furnished by E. F. Benson,
who has charge of leasing the rart
men are now leasing, buying and
fencing lands so rapidly that the
range horses already find it difficult
to obtain water. The attempt of large
numbers to feed on the scanty range
left to them must leave them thin in
the fall, and it will need only one
hard winter, with deep snow and cold
weather, to kill them off by thou
sands. Their usual method of winter
feeding is to paw through the snow
for the tufts of rich bunch grass
which furnish their sustenance, but
under the present conditions these
tufts will be eaten off by the hungry
herds before the snow flies. At least
5000 horses died of starvation last
winter in the districts north and south
pressed and dried in a stove.
Bohemia an average yearly pr
of 885 tons, which comes prin
from three mines--the two mentio
above and that of Krummau, which
produces an inferior grade of the sub
aiance. These mines afford employ-.
*all and fed terrnag4:as..and the bet
Mr. Benson reports that t'i
orses are now confined almost en
:irely to the thinly populated counties
f Douglas, Lincoln, Adams and
'ranklin and parts of Yakima and
lickitat. These animals are worth
rom $3 to $20, according to size and
uality. A large proportion of them
are cayuses, others are strong, large
In June 5000 head of Douglas
Dounty horses were sold for shipment
ast at $2.50, $3 and $6 a head, ac
ording to size. The horse canning
actory at Linton, Oregon, has con
erted about 9000 head into meat for
shipment to France and Germany in
the last two years. A still larger
aumber will be canned in the near fu
ture, for the industrial department of
the Northern Pacific Railway has aid
d in the establishment of another
orse canning factory at Mledora,
iorth Dakota. A home market for
any thousand head has been occa
uioned by the boom in the wheat in
austry connsequent upon the good
rops and the good prices of the past
wo years. Thousands of wild horses,
veighing 1100 pounds and upward,
2ave been broken to the plow by both
yid and new settlers. The indications
ire that this lceal absorption will con
;inue in a limited way for several
ears in Eastern Washington and
While the cattle and sheep men have
n effect combined -'gainst their come
non enemy, the~ range horses, it is nou
es triue that cattlemen look askance
it the s'teadily increasing numbers~ of
heep pastured in the open range
~ountry. While the natural increase
f the bands of sheep is rapid, tens of
housands more have been moved to
he Northwest from California on ac
ount of fierce drought. The sheep
)ecome profitable from the first year,
ince the two principal crops, lambsa
Lnd wool, coming in May and June,.
Lre salable within the fiscal year.
i-hile the herds of cattle must be
naintained three or four years before
roitable returns are possible. It is
me to thi fact that the catl men be -
gad purchasing and fetkng the range
lands several gears ago; and thi
sheep men; as i matter of self-pro tec
tion, have followed suit; The need of
the sheep men for wider pasturage has
caused the industry and its oustom or
occupying the open ranges to be offi
cially recognized by the United
States Government in its measures for
policing and protecting the great for
estry reserves iecently bet apart B
Washington and Oregon, The Gov
ermenet's primary object is to prevent
forest fires, which greatly injure the
watershed. On condition that they
use the utmost precaution to prevent
fires the sheep men are permitted to
drive their bands into the rich pasture
lands on the mountain slopes of these
reserves. The forest supervisors have
divided the reserves into districts for
the various bands, the limits being
marked by streams. ridges and other
SCIENTIFIC AND INDUSTRIAL$
The croli e vz--t11e air continues un
til condensation of the watery vapor
begins. Watery vapor is always pres
ent in greater or less quantities. The
temperature at which this condensa
tion takes place is the dew point, and
if this occurs at thirty-two degrees
Fahrenheit or below, frost is formed.
Eleven different fats in emulsions
have beeni tested to determine whether
they would allay cough and increase
weight. The effects with cod-liver oil
proved to be variable. The best re
salts were given by beef fat, olive,
peanut and cocoanut oil. and the ex
perimenter has concluded that a mix
tur of these four fats, with the ad
Jligtn of a little clover oil, is much
supe1r cod-liver oil,
Many people regard gold as o. ne
color; this is a mistake, as puro goi d
varies considerably in hue. An ex -
pert can tell the locality from whence.
it was derived by ite color. Australian
gold is is very much redder than C
fornian, Nugget qold (Klondik
instance) is yellow, whereas t'
quartz is of a deeper "gold
The reddest gold comes fro
Mountains. Of course'fe
purs gold, for the metal
and even our coins are
tire metal is much too s
alone. and requires an
it withstand rough weat
In Enghish*p otteries
per cent. of the male
12.4 of the females suffe
soning. After investigation,
sors Thorpe and Oliver rec
that the use of raw lead in gi
colors be prohibited, and th
persons and women be exc
work in certain operation
ments of the last few
shown that satisfactory-le
are now within reach of t
turer. In some bianche.
terin.sfrv hon e.
risk of poisoning could b
duced by using the lead i
a fritted double silicate.
factories, in which it is i
introduce favorable sanit
tions, should be closed.
Bohemia now furnishes th
amount of graphite for E
It is found in its purest
the gneiss accompanied
limestone near Schwnr
gan. That portion oft
ficiently pure is shippe
mined, but the inferio
ground iu mills where
water takes up the powd
and deposits it in sheets
ment to 72. pL
qualities of the graphite are a in
active demand. -
Nothing, indeed, is so striking to
the traveler as the perfect serenity of
Madrid, says a writer in Blackwood's,
and it is a serenity not of carelessness
but of resignation. The Spaniard,
being a brave man, regrets that he has
been beaten; but, being also a creature
of confirmed habit, he convinces himn
self that regret is notiworth express
ing. So once more the pertinacity
of the Spanish character is exempli
fed. .The great kings who in the
past ruled the peninsula suffered
many and grievous defeats, and it was
their constant practice to put away
from their minds the unnalatable
Two years ago the average Spaniard
was secure in the' knowledge that
Cuba would be his until the end of
time; to-day he knows that Cuba be
longs to him no more. But he does
not declare his knowledge; he bears
it with what patience he may, and
turns to celebrate the distinctions of
the past. Nor can the unprejudiced
traveler traverse Spain without a
side glance at the neighboring re
public. The French and the Spaniaras
are both popularly believed to carry
Latin blood in their veins, and though
many a conquest has mixed the race
of each, they still stand to one another
in the relatiou of distant cousins.
Unuable to Rteturn the Comnplitnent.
A Yorkshire farmer was asked to
the funeral of a neighbcr's third wife,
and as he had attended the funerals of
the two others, his own wife was
rather surprised when he declined this
invitation. On being pressed, he gave
his reason with some hesitation:
"Well, thee sees, las. it makes a
chap feel a bit awkward like to be
allus accepting other folks' civilities,
.:hen he never has nowt o' t' sooart of
his awn to, ax 'em back to.",-'Sew
TAE OF PLII~
The Palnter'6 Fall.
James Browi and Harry Lee were
the closest of friends. These young
men were painters by trade and un
married. James Brown, however, was
the only support of his invalid mother;
the fact being well known to Harry.
Only a few evenings before the op
portunity for showing his loyalty to
this friendship came to him, Harry
had spent several restful hours in the
home of his friend. and had marked
the devotion of mother to son and of
son to mother, and the impression
made on him of iwhat he saw had
rested deeply. ofi his mind, lone man
as he was in the world, and sdfved to
intensify his affectiofi for his friend,
They were engaged working -to
gether these days in doing some w6rli
of decoration upon one of the high
buildings of New York City, and fox
some reason Harry had occasion tc
descend to the ground, and then no
ticed for the first time how insecure
was James's position. While calling
James's attention to this, he wat
horrified to see him slip from his
As quickly as thought can *ori
(and what device of man can ieasure
that?) Harry thought of the invalid
mother, and, knowing the surely fatal
consequences of this fall from the fiftl
story unless the fall could be broker
before reaching the pavement, stepped
in an instant directly under the spoi
where James would drop, and bracei
himself to meet the torrible weight o
James's falling body, not espectinj
to eave his own life nor counting i
e succeeded almost miraculotisi
s purpose of rescue. When thesi
were brought into the Flowe:
tal in New York, it was dis
d that Harry had not receive<
jury, aud James, for whom h
sked his life, was sufferin,
rom the breaking of both hi
ud the bones of one antle.
who was the first of the tw
e well enough to report fo
d pleasure in caring for th
ther of his friend as thougi
r son. The doctors of th
o alone were aware of th
the rescue, report an es
titude upon the face c
sion of every visi
on fire. To e
death or maiming, for it was r~i~
along at full speed.
People had crowded into the smok
er. Doubtless Sieg heard their mut
terings. It required only a few min
utes for him to realize the situation
He sprang through the smoking-ca:
door, and a moment later had disap
peared amid the flames beyond.
Presently it was felt that the train'
speed was slacking, and soon, with:
urch and a bump, it came to a ful
stop near the bridge over the Hacken
The passengers rushed out. Witi
the sudden -stoppage of the drafi
caused by the rush of the train, thi
flames from the cab rose straight int<
the uir. The head and shoulders of
man were seen protruding from th<
water-tank on the tender. It wa:
Sieg, his face disfigured, his hand:
burned, his body blistered. He was
taken to a hospital, but his burns
In retreating before that first fierce
burst of flame Sieg had been gailty oJ
a grave error; but who will say tha
he failed to retrie ye it like a hero?
-.Tobogganing With an Elephant.
An English sportsman, "out afte1
elephants," had wounded a magnifi
cent specimen. Unfortunately for him
the wound was slight, and the animal
greatly infuriated, turned and charget
It was a terrifying sight. With its
enormous ears spread out like sails.
and emitting shrill notes of rage, the
monster came thundering over the
ground like a runaway locomotive.
The hunter fired another shot, bu
missed; his nerve was shaken, au~
throwing down his rifle, he sought
safety in flight.
Near at hand was a steep hill, anP
to this he directed his steps, for beinig
but slightly acquairnted with the climi,
ing powers of the elephant. he though
his pursuer might be batiled by ths
steepness of the ascent. It 'was a tero
rible disappointment to find that thu
elephant could climb a hill as quick
ly as he could, good runner as he
He would have been overtaken if he
had not thought of a really ingenious
expedient. He knew that elephants
herer run, or even walk, down a steep
incline, but always crouch, gather
their feet together, lean well back and
slide down. Just as the ferocious an
imal had got within a few yards of
him, therefore, the wily hunter sud
denly doubled and tan down the hill
Quick as a flash the elephant turned,
gathered itself together, and trumpet
ing with baffed rage, slid down after
its victim. The hunter had just time
to spring out of the way as the great
beast came tobogganing after himn
smashing trees and shrubs, and carry
ing everything before it like an ava
Then once more the hunter dashed
to the top of the hill, while the ele
phant, unable to stop itself, went ca
reeting down to the very foot, where,
apparently understanding that it had
been outwitted, and feeling Eore and
disappointed, it rose to its fall height
and walked wearily back to its native
Girl Chokes a Lynx to Death.
George J. Manassa, of Kansas City,
who has-been spending the past two
months at Kingman, Arizona, tells an
interesting story of a case of heroism
in a young girl that came under his
observation. He said that one day
while there a ranchman, y. A. Carrow,
brought into town for medical treat
ment his son Murray, six years old,
and his daughter, seventeen years
. old. The girl's arm was frightfully
lacerated by the teeth and claws of
some animal, and the same rough
usage showed upon the boy in wounds
upon the arm, hands and the breast
and shoulders. Upon inquiry he
learned that Mr. Carrow was a wealthy
ranci dwner living about twenty-five
miles north of the place. and that the
I two children had been lacerated by a
lynx that had attacked the boy, and
had been strangled to.death by the
"The boy." Mr. Manassa said, "was
playing in a swing in an almond
orchard near the house, when a fero
cious lynx sprang upon him and
I pulled him to the ground. A life and
death strnggle then took place be
tween the little fellow and the animal.
Taking the lynx by the ear and one
- leg, he succeeded in throwing it to
f the ground and holding it there,
screaming for help. The lynx was
biting his hand in a horrible manner,
but with Spartan courage he held ou
until his -ister came. The animal
d gotten the better of the boy,
the girl, with only her naked
the place, Shan y
in-law, Kyaw-Ya, both known as it
trepid huntsmen, set out for the spot
where the partly eaten calf was still ly
ing, armed with no other weapon than
an old gu.- They erected a small
platform on the top of which they
awaited the animal. Soon after the
tiger made his appearance, and, not
seeing the hunters, was about to par
take of a hearty dinner when Shan
Gyi fired and bowled him over. The
brute, however, got up again and re
tired slowly. The two hunters fol
lowed quickly, and when near Shan
Gyi pulled the trigger, but the gun
missed fire. He quickly pnt in an
other cartridge, but before he had
time to fire the beast was upon him
and knocked him down. Kyaw Ya,
though unarmed, sprang upon the
animal, which turned upon him and
mauled him. Kyaw Ya managed to
seized the animal by the tongue and
held on iirmly. Shan Gyi, thus re
leased, although severely wounded in
several places, tried to cut the tiger's
throat with'a small knife he had, b~ut
failed. He then clubbed the animal
with his gun, but the weapon was
soon smashed. Tt is impossible to
say how the contest would have end
ed had not some men who had heard
the report of the gun come on the
scene and despatched the tiger. The
two bra(ve buuters were then taken to
the Myanugmya Hospital, where they
now are in a rather bad state. Their
lives, however, are not despaired of.
Whtat They Are Used For.
"What are the holes for?'' asked
little Edna, looking at the porous
plaster that her mother was preparing
to adjust en Willie's back.
"It's funny you don't know that,
is." interposed Willie. "They're to
TE Xii I &DVJI' I.ui
STORIES TOLD BY THE FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
A Fruitful I1scusslon-Afte the Datb
of Course He Thinks So-A Ee0soa Ir
Existence-A Faternal Warning-Noe
a Hand-Me-Down-so Soon! Etc., Eta.
"Oh, fickle, inconsistent man!"
The blushiug maid did cry;
"One day you call me 'peach,' the nexts
The apple of your eye.
$,Well, anyhow," the swain replied,
With manner debonair,
"Togez:her none may claim that we
Are not a pretty pear."
A Paternal Warning.
"Does her father encourage you?"
"I don't think so. Be's just had
electric lights put on their piazza."
A Reason For Existence.
"Do you think the automobile will
exterminate the horse?"
"Hardly; we've got to have horse
hair furniture, you know."
Of Course He Thinks So.
"He thinks he nnderstands wom
"How do you know?"
"He's a bachelor. "-Brooklyn Daily
Threatened tW --ort.
your family last week."
Jackson-"Yes; our servant girl
didn't like the location we were n
Ohio State Journal.
After the Battle.
"He was the picture of woe after
his wife got through discip
"Yes, a sort of a th mb-nail sk
youa might say."-De oit Journa
Seeking Info stion.
Johnny-"Aren't -o my fathe
Irs. Smith-"I am
Johnny -"'And the aren't you
grandmother-in-law?" -Harper's B
A Gentle Re uest.
He-"Great Scott! for makinga
racket this child is a regular fort in
She (sweetly)-".ould you mind
holding the fort for a little while#
Not a Hand-HO-Down.
Grubbs-'Perkins seems to be s
Stubbs-"Well, if you ever saw him
when his wife was around you would
think he was made to order. "--Ohio
Ethel-"He told nie he made hiv
money in wheat."
out as a profession
Dilson-"Yes, you know I am con
nected with the weather bureau."
Ohio State Journal.
2: Telling His Experience.
They were discussing the question
as to whether a woman can keep a
Little yohnny had not appeared to
be listening; but he suddenly added
his contribution to the stock of general
intelligence by exclaiming: "Wen;-f
know ma can't keep a secret. Every
thing I do she goes and tells it to pa
almost the first minute he gets into
the house. "-Boston Transcript.
E - So soon!
"When I grow up," said Ethel,
with a dreamy, imaginative look, 'Tm - -
going to be a schooi teacher."
"Well, I'm going to be a mamma
and have six children," said Edna..
"Well, when they come to school to
me I'm going to whip 'em, whip 'em,
"You meanthing!" cxclaimed Edna,
is the tears came into her eyes.
"What have my poor children ever
done to you ?"-London Tit-Bits.
.Johnson-"My wife fooled me the
other night by asking me to stop the
lock when 1 came in, as it disturbed
her rest, and tho next morning there
was the hour of my home-coming
staring me in the face."
Jackson-"My wife asked me to
tart ours wh'en I came in, and the
next morning she figured out the dif
ference in time between it andhe
watch in such a way as to provem
liar by nearly three hours. "-Je