Newspaper Page Text
A Tare of Two Jokers.]
BY (JHAJRLE8 U LEWIS
It used to be tho firm of Baker &
White, but Baker purchased White's
intorest in the firm, und then tho sign
read, "John If. linker." It wus jiiBt
aftor this change had taken place tiiat
I was made head clerk, and that a
stranger named (Jharlos William
Thompson appeared in the town of
Groendal >. Oar business was that of
a general store, and Mr. Baker was
the owner of a lag woolen mill in tho
town. The roar end of the store, with
an ontrauco on a sido street, was
divided oil and rented to the govern
ment as a post ollice, and there was a
door communicating from tho store.
Mr. Baker had a largo safe in tho
Store, and in this tho postmaster kept
Ills spare funds and stamps. Wo had
three clerks and a bookkeeper, ami it
was rare that any of us hud an idlo
Mr. Baker whs u jolly, good-natured
man of middle age, who dearly loved
a j ike. Peopld used to say that his
hearty laugh was as gooil as a tonic.
Mr. Thompson arrived in Groendale
on*.- afternoon to sear ob out some loor*
lo t relatives, Ho was also jolly aim
good-natured and middle-aged. By
tho laws of magnetism it was perfectly
natuial for tho two to come together
ami joke and laugh. This was just
what happened. They liked each
otliur so well at lirst sight that Mr.
Thompson forgot all about his lost re
latives, and Mr. Baker lost an hour out
of tho busiest part of the day. How
eve:', as ho got ready to leave tho store
that evening, lie called mo into the
private oiUoo and sal I :
"Charles, you ?uw a Mr. Thompson
In the store this aftornooo ?"
" Yes, sir."
" Hj'o u stranger in town, looking
up soino relatives. Very niee man?
ha ! ha ! ha ! Tells a very funny story,
and it does me good to hear him laugh.
You heard us laughing, didn't you,
" Yes, sir."
" Yes?urn ! Well, you may like
Mr. Thompson, and you may laugh
and also make him laugh, but keep
your eye on him just the same. Lie's a
very jolly man, but I've got an Idea
that lie tan be very setious on oc
casions. There are times when our
safe holds large sums of money, and Mr.
Thon.pson may covet those greenbacks.
Laugh with him, my boy, but watch
him at the. same time."
Mr. Thompson soon began dropping
into the store in an off-hand way and
making small purchases as an excuse
to get a general look about and engage
tho different clerks in conversation.
II 5 appeared to " take to" mo as much
as he did to Mr. Baker, and to make a
dead set tJ win my favorable o.onion.
As a matter of fact, he could heat any
drummer on the road telling a story,
and nil his conundrums wore new and
full of surprises. But for Mr. Baker's
words of caution I should have taken the
man as he ovidonlly wanted mo to, and
after a week should not have hesitated
to seat him alone in the olllce. As it
was, I laughed with him, but kept my
eyes open, and after a few days I
thought Iiis objeot in dropping into
the store was to get a close look at our
big safe. The safe had a combination
lock set on four letters and charged
every few weeks, and only two of us
had the word. At that time tho word
was "Jose." After a few days, and
ono day soon after Mr. Thompson had
spent half an hour in the otlioe with
Mr. Baker, the latter called me iu to
" Well, Charles, do you find our Mr.
Thompson a very agreeable man ?"
" Yes, sir," I replied.
"Tells a very funny story in a very
funny way?ha ! ha ! hu ! Never re
peats himself, and never gets oil' any
thing old. Makes you laugh, doesn't
" Yes, sir."
" Yes, of course?ha '. ha ! ha ! How
ever, keep your eyed on him just tho
same. 1 think ho comes in euro to
look at the .safe, rather than to joke,
and I'm giving him every chance to
inspcjt it. 1 think no will invite you
to pasa an evening with him pretty
anon, und if so you had better accept.
Laugh with him, Charles?laugh ab
hard as you can?but at the same time
bo on your guard. Tho funny Mr.
Thompson?ha ! ha ! ha !"
Mr. Thompson had the best room at
the best hotel. It cttmo to pass thut
he Invited mo to spend an evening
with him, and he had cake and wino
and song and story, and I iiuver on
joyed myself better. By and by, as we
laughed and joked, Mr. Thornpoon
turned the conversation to orthogra
phy and its blunders, and it came to
pass that he nsked mo to write down
twenty words of four letters each. I
wrote ".lohn," "Hope," "Dash," "Bill"
and enough others to make up the
twenty, but I did not write "Joso."
Mr. Thompson knew that the safe was
set on four letters. In usking mo to
write down twenty words of four letters
each he might reasonably count on my
writing the safe word. [ might have
done so, except for Mr. Laker's cau
" Yn?, Charles, ho was after tho
word?ha ! ha '. ha!" laughed my eni
Fdoyer next day when I related tho
ncidont. " Mr. Thompson Is a vory
t funny man, but I think wo uro funnier
than ho in. Keeling quite sure that
one of tho twenty words is tho word ho
is aftor, his next move v/ill bo to got
Into tho store some night and make
try for the contents of the safe. We
must laugh, Charles?wo must koep
right on laughing with tho funny Mr.
Thompson ?but wo must also keep
right on watohlng him?ha! ha! ha!"
Our general custom was to keep tho
store open until nine o'clock at night,
and tho post oflico also bold to that
nour. Mr. Baker was tho first toleavo.
Then tho bookkeeper would go, and ho
would be follosvod by the clerks, and
it was my duty to hang on until about
half-past uino and sot things to rights
beforo leaving. By and by, towards
tho last of tho month, tho funny Mr.
Thompson began dropping in about
nioe, so as to be tho last man to go.
On two evenings ho detained, me till
ten o'clock tolling stories, and as I
began to got suspicious of his inten
tions, I sought advico of Mr. Bakor.
" Ah ! that funny Mr. Thompson?
ha ! ha ! hu!" laughed jny employer,
na ho leaned back and rubbed hie
hands. " His timo is drawing very
near. As near as I can (lguro It his
game will be this: On the night of
tho 30 th he will manage to bo the lust
one in tho store with you. Ah you are
ready to go ho will Beizu and bind and
gag you and then go for tho safe. It
will bo very funny, Charles? ha ! ha!
M But I don'thoo it, sir !" I protested.
"Don't you? Woll, yo,' go right
along and lot him earry out hi: nlan.
If you don't fight back ho won't hurt
you. Wo will play a llttlo joko on the
jokoful Mr. Thompson."
On tho afternoon of tho MOth Mr.
Thompson dropped In and passed jokes
with Mr, Bakor for halfen hour, and
wo hoard a groat deal of laughing in
obo prlvato ofll so. At olght o'clook In
v the evening tho poatmastei had about
^42,000 In our safo, and tho amount al
together was \b.>ut $22,000. It was a
I dark and ru'ny evening, and there
weie so fow customora In thestoro that
I lot the clorke go home. At nlno
o'olock, as I oxpeoted and oouotcd on,
Mr. Thompson arrived. It was a walk
of live blecke fr<>ra bis hotel, and he
would not have come out In the rain,
except that ho was expecting impor
tant letters. lie got none, and tho
post office closed after his inquiry. As
no came through tho store i was all
alono,id there was no doubt in my
mind that he was ploased to find things
thus. He took a seat on tho counter
and began smoking end asking mo to
guess various conundrums, and at half
past nine o'clook tho streets were
quiet and tho hour had arrived for him '
to show ' ' - hi'mi. I sat in a chair
facing him and only a few feet away
Of a sudden, and while he was smiling
and laughing, lie put his hands on tho
counter and leaped forwards and laud
ed full upon mo. I was carried back
wards to the llior, and be had his
hand on my throat and bis knee on my
breast before 1 could put out a lintror.
" Mo :piiot and sensible, now !" he
cautioned. " I am Mr. Thompson.
S mutinies I am funny?sometimes
not. There is no funny business iibout
this, 'f you keep quiet, 1 sha'u't hurt
you. If you don't, I'll uso you mighty
I had no idea of struggling with
hi in. lie took from his poekot pieces
of rope and bound my arms and my
ankles, and when ho had finished,
" I'm after the money in tho safe, of
course, and of course I shad got It. It
i will save time and tioublo, however,
if you will give mo tho word. If you
aro obstinate about it I may have to
hold a lighted match under your nose."
'I refused him auy answer, and after
a minute ho passed into tho private
I otlice and betiau working at tho safe.
I 1 could hear but not boo him. Ho saw
taat all tho doors woro locked before j
h i left me, and on such a night as that
lie had little fear of bolng disturbed,
lie toi k the list of twenty words I had
given him und started in ou the
combination. He bad tried eight of
them, when Mr. Hake?* and two police
men suddenly rose up from behind a
screen, each witli a pistol in hand, and
Mr. Maker called out In great good
"Ah, there, you funny Mr. Thomp
son, but this is an unexpected pleas
ure ! I was just dying to hear one of
your funny stories, but I liardlv
I thought you'd call at such a late hour!"
Mr. Thompson wus struck dumb for
a moment, but ho wus u man of oheek
us well of humor, und, uftcr catch
ing bis breath, ho answered:
'?That you, Baker??ha! ha! ha!
Bid you over bear tho story of tho man
who dreamed ho was a horse?"
"No, never did. if you aro feeling
well to morrow, eoino around and toll
it. I know it must bo funny?ha ! ha !
ha! Were you trying to work that
"Why, yes, 1 was trying, but havo
had no luck. You seom to havo ex
pected mo here to-night."
" Yes, ha ! ha ! ha ! Say Thompson,
doesn't the situation striko you as rath
er funny ?"
" Yes, dovilish funny?ha '. ha ! ha !"
" Same here. I shall miss you more
thau I can tell. If you havo time be
foro you go to State l'rison, 1 wish you
would write mo out a few of your best
jokes. Tho one you were telling me
yesterday was a regular corker?ha !
ha ! ha '."
And for a quarter of an hour more
tho two continued to joko each ether,
wnilo ono of tho policemen came out
into tho storo and released mo. 1
didn't feel very mirthful over tho
affair, but Mr. Baker slappuu mo on
tho back and exclaimed :
"Charles, my boy, you mustn't hold
any spite against Mr. Thompson. Bo's
a very funny man, and .if ho could only
stay in Greendalo a few weeks longer
I'd get fat laughing ovor his jokes?
ha ! ha ! ha. Say. Thompson, toll him
the story of the old maid and the gob
lin?ha ! ha ! ha !"
" 1?I don't feel as funny as usual,
for some reason," replied Thompson.
"The fact is, 1 think I've got myself
"Yes, just so," replied Mr. Buker.
" I don't suppose any funny man can
fool funny when he's boxed up. If you
haven't any more jokes to relate, tho
police may walk you over to tho cala
Tho funny Mr. Thompson took his
doso like a man. Bo had played his
hand and lost, and he was not the man
to kick about it. He attempted no de
fence, but said he was probably walk
ing in his sleep. Ho received a sen
tence of sevon years, and boforo he was
taken away Mr. Baker ?vent to tho jail
tu sue him und say :
" Well, Thompson, any new jukes or
conundrums before you are oh* ??ha!
ha ! ha !"
"Nothing to-day," was tho reply.
"Suy, we used to swap somo mighty
firood things, didn't wo??ha! ha! ha!
Hang it, I wish you were going along
" And we'd keep each other laugh
ing from morning till night. Sorry I
can't, but I'll see you feevon years later
and we'll have lots of fun."
And it is tho solemn truth that two
days after Mr. Thompson loft prison
ho called at tho store and visited with
Mr. Baker for two or three hours, and
they slapped each other on tho back
and laughed until their sides ached
with the exertion.
TUB SOUTHERN RAILWAY,
Annual Report Shows that t he Itoad
is in Good Condition and Making
The annual report of tho Southern
Hail way gives somo interesting 'ucts
about the financial status of the com
pany, tho improvements of its property
and the establishment of now enter
prises in tho territory of the Hvstem.
a inn synopsis la as follows:
Tho report of tho Southern Kail way
Company for tho fiscal yoar onded Juno
150 shows that gross earnings decreased
0 W7 por cont. Of this, freight earn
ings increased elightly, but passenger
receipts fell otT. Operating expenses
decreasod 2.01 por cent., and tho
operating percentage decreased 1.26
per cont. Tho credit to prolit and loss
account was $445,020, making tho total
crodit balance on Juno 30 11,139,880,
Tho company has no lloating debt and
has had nono since its reorganization.
Liabilities of all operated companies
aro treated as liabilities of tho com
pany. Tho net increase of funded dobt
and outstanding securities of leasehold
estutes for tho yoar was $2,581,422, and
is fully represented either by tho
amount of prior lion seouritios retlrod
or by tho cost pf now property acquir
ed. Equipment trust notos of the old
companies and of tho receivers, amount
ing to $307,334, wore paid, loaving
$270,770 still outstanding on this ac
count. Sinking fund payments on ac
count of < quipmont bonds of tho Rich
mond and I Jan vi lie and Georgia Pacific
wore $170,525. The company has paid
cash for all equipmont purchased hv it.
und has created no equipment trusta.
The total increase in the current con
struction account wna $086,700) which
expenditure v?us all for tho acquisi
tion or construction of now property.
New equipment to the oxtent of $217,
230 was purchased, 989 43<l of which
was charged to tho capital account.
The company assumes one-third of tho
risk on its general insurance, plaoing
the remalrler with the iusuranco com
panies, x'hua the company curries
$3.02*, iw:! of its own insurance.
A comparison of statistics shows
that during the year freight earnings
increasod $238,785, or 1,00 por cent.;
number of tons of commercial freight
carried decreased 91,501 tons, or 1.28
per cent,; number of tons carried ono
mile increased 100,227,809 tonp, or 8.76
per cent.: avorago length of haul was
019.87 milos, an inorease of 10.12 per
cent.; average earnings per ton por
mile wore .970 of a cent, a deorease of
5.01 por oent,; earnings from passen
gers decreased $514 007, or 0.63 per
cent.; number of passengers carried
decroas?d 183,785, or 4 33 per cent.
Presldont Spencer in hie general re
marks notes that no lees than 15 manu
facturing plants1 were during tho year
CBtabliehea on tho line of the Southern
railway, and that there havo been com
pleted cotton factories working 103,000
spindles and 3,000 looms, tho total cost
of which has been $2,000,000. At tho
close of the year additional mills in
cluding 62,500 spindles were under
?True goodneis is like the glow
worn?it shines most when no eyes but
those of Heaven are unoftifc*^ ? *
how TO PRRVPNT li'.v< ii ings>.'
An FducaMd Negro's VIpwh on llio
Boutbern Problem?lit* HrokH f<>
KcNMirc the Heime of Security
Whicli White Women Felt Filly
NASHVILLE, Tood., October 2.?At
this time, when public attention is
directed to tho discussion of tho lynch
ing probiem, whieh is now being con
ducted in nearly every large daily
newspaper in the Southern States, it
is somewhat refreshing to hear whut
the educated negro has to say, and to
learn just whut attitude lie will assume.
Prof. W. II. Council), president of tho
Agricultural and Mechanical College
for Negroes, located at Normal, Ala
bama, distinguished himself a few
days ago by giving expression to senti
meii*.4 which at first sojnded unusual,
and called forth a flood of criticism
from a certain class of colored men
from the North, who woro attending
tho Tennessee Centennial at Nash
villo, but were afterward received by
tho press as a most dignified and
helpful contribution to tho negro pro
j Prof. Couneill is one of tho most
eminent negro scholars in tho United
States, and is favorably known
throughout Kurope. During his re
cent travels abroad ho was very
graciously entertained by the Kov.
Charles Leach, ?. D., the Hon. Wil
liam 10. Cludstono and his Majesty,
King Leopold. His position in the
Statu of Alabama is one uf dignity,
respectability, lutluonco and great
responsibility, by reason of his judicious
and successful management of one of
tho largest educational institutions in
tho South. Ho certainly merits tho
utmost eorlidenco of all fair-minded
mon and women, who respect tho senti
ments of an honorablo and upright
A large number of representative
colored men, from all sections of the
country, had gathered at Nashville to
hold a conference for the purpose of
giving all questions affecting tho
negro raco careful consideration.
Prof. Councill was oleetod chairman,
and in opening tho conference, which
was termed "A Negro Council," ho
mude a speech that created a decided
sensation in tho Southern States. Only
a few days ago Mrs. W U. Felton, a
Southern white lady, delivered an
address beforo tho State Agricultural
Socloty at Cartersville, Ga., in which
she made an earnest appeal to what is
regarded, even by her own friends, as
the very worst passions of mon. Shu
recommended the continued assassina
tion of negroes who aro suspected of
the crimo of having committed as
saults upon white women. She om
pbasized tho importance of immediate
apprehension and punishment in all
cases of negro men assaulting white
women?but she had not tho fairness
to mention any other cases.
As regards tho position taken by
Prof. Councill, this cannot bo said ;
he evidences a liberalism that is a
compliment to his training. The
Atlanta (Ca.) Constitution, the, Louis
ville (Ky.) Courier-Journal, tho Daily
Mercury, of Huntsville, Ala., and a
great number of other newspaners
havo had nothing but commendutiors
for Mr. Councill. It is no disparage
ment nor discredit to tho cultured,
well-educated and more pro* p trOUB
element of colored citizens to say that
the depraved and ignorant class among
them must be lifted up morally and
intellectually beforo that class can ap
preciate tho wisdom of men like Mr.
Councill. In his elcquont address ho
said in part!
"Tho deep religious sense, tho un
swerving tidolity aud Industrious hand,
tho gentle, bloodless spirit of our
fathers, coupled with tho Anglo-Saxon
grit, intellectuality and respect for
nobility of soul, did much to overcome
prejudice, soften (asperities, and have
transmitted to us a rich legacy of char
acter and reputation of which ungolb
might well bo proud. Lot us guardtho
record of our fathers by making our
lives a willing sacrifice on tho altars
of truth and virtue.
" In this connection I urge this coun
cil of nogrooa to speak out in oo un
certain tones against outrages com
mitted against tho honor of woman re
gardless of race or color, and against
lawlessness of every kind. Let us hurl
all the powers of our being against the
fiend, who, in violation of God's holiest
law, and contrary to ttio laws of the
land, whether by physical forco or iu
trigue robs woman of tho most precious
jewel given by Heaven to earth. Tho
frequency of violence to women Is
alarming. We cannot now stop to argue
tho nice points as to the cause of the
committing of these incarnate fiends
into a race bitherto with absolute im
munity from them. Nor have Arotime
to plead that they are not the trusted
servants of our Southern homes, nor can
wo stop to appeal from Judge Lynch to
the mujesty of tho civil law, but wo must
stamp out the crime. Sutliciunt for us
to knew that these crimes are some
times committed by negroos, to make
us hang our heads in shame and go in
sackcloth and ashes.
" Lot us restore that sense of ccurity
which white women felt lifty years ago
In tho presence of our fathers under
any circumstances amid tho most for
bidding environments. We must make
tho humblest white woman in the re
motest and wildest part of our country
feel as' safe in the presence of a no
pro man as anpeile " ISva" did ulono
with her " Undo Tom." Lot us
mako the white woman of this land
and of all lands fcol that our black arms
aro over ready, backed by hearts as
pure as truth, as guileless as babes; to
defend their honor?that wo aro will
ing to throw our black bodies between
them and their assailants, and shed our
biood to tho last droo in protecting
thorn, and hunting down and executing
these brutes inhuman form.
"Toll It out so that all the world may
hear?print it in tho heavon's blue so
that ho who runs may read?that tho
negroes in this land will frown down,
cry down, hunt down and strike down
this crime and these criminals, until
not ono shall bo left in all the land, and
a Maok face shall bo a badgo of truth,
of poaeo, of protection to innoconoo. I
know that these criminals do not form
a part of our audiences, congregations,
schools, social gatherings, or industrial
communities, and yet it is our duty to
soek their haunts, and the influences
which produce crlmo and criminals,
und with a whip of tho, law and the
gospel of righteousness, scourge them
until vicious idleness shall give placo
to virtuous, industrious intelligence,
and thus purge ourselves, and wash
nwuy those foul stums of dishonor from
a glorious record transmitted to us by
our fathers. That white, mon form
mobs; that they dlsrogard tho law;
thatthoy kill In oold bio d, is no ex
cuse for our committing crime. Two
crimes cannot make one vlrtuo. We
cannot sITord to apologize for crime?
wo cannot afford to protect or sympa
thize with tho criminal. Wo can only
nfford to do right and foaV not boforo
Qod and thedaws of our country.
"Tho day has passed when abuse of
tho South findn favor in conventions.
Wo live in tho South. Wo aro South
ern people. The South Is our home,
and we love its beautiful skies, Its hills
and vales, its singing brooklots and
flowing river, , as fondly as any othor
people love ''. em. We pray and labor
for ncr peac 3 and prosperity, wo are
jealous of her good name and will de
fend her honor and Interests with our
lives. With the spirit of brotherly
love, wo have a common and a glorious
destiny, but with hatred and crime we
drift toward the whirlpool of interne
olne strife und death.
"Whatever is wrong in the South
must be corrected in and by the South.
I believe thero Is enough Intelligence,
enough virtue, and the righteous in
clination boneath the Southern tklos
to successfully solve all the intricate
Srobloros which may arise In our
omostlo and soolal relations. The
b??st black men and the best white
men of the South, moved by patriotic
Impulses, will surely gravitate toward
tho common centre of patriotic action
for mir common good."
U8K OF SALT IN FOOD.
A Majority of People Kat Too Little
Halt noil an Excessive Uhc is Dun
"Are wo eating too much Halt?" is
the question propounded by tho Now
York Journal of Hygiene, in a discus
sion of whut It calls "the suit habit,"
or tho excessive uso of salt in food.
Sumo salt is necessary in food, per
haps, but many persons take too much,
anl upon articles on which it is un
necessary. They want their meat,
tish, potatoes, melons, butter, tomutoes,
turnips, bread, oto., positively salt.
They hold that salt "brings out tho
flavor," and consider it in the same
class with sugar as a sweetener. The
Journal argues that as a result tho
skin and kidneys aro excessively
taxed to get rid of the salt, and both
aro injured by it. Few people have '
healthy skius, and it is believed that
many eases of derangement of tho
kidneys are duo to t'.io salt habit.
There is a reaction against it in pro
gross. Hut little salt is required by
tho human body, and thoso who know
this aro disposed to discard tno volun
tary uso of it altogether.
Our byglinie experts have argued
many persons out of the eating of acid or
sub-acid fruit. They have ingeniously
assailed bread eating. Tho vegeta
rian long ago condemned a tlesh diet.
It should not specially surprise us that
thu onslaught is now made od aalt. To
ho quite fair, however, it. must bo
?tiited that tho Journal of Hygiene does
not prohibit suit for human consump
tion, but admonishes against exces
sive use. It Is perhaps correct, In that
modification. Tho excessive use of any
thing, no matter bow wholesome, is
dangerous. Our own opinion is, how
ever, that a mnj.)rity of people use too
little salt iustead of too much. A judi
cious ubo of it will preserve health,
and wo know persons who havo cured
themselves of dyspepsia, neuralgia,
etc.. by partaking of salt, suy take a
half teaspoonful, dissolved in a turn
be'rful of hot water before breakfast.
Persons who have, by this simple pro
cess, broken up painful ailments, uro
disposed to regard salt as the true na
tural remedy for congestion aod dis
eases following from it. Some people
insist t hat tiiey cannot take the doso
and hold it on an empty stomach'. Alas,
for such unlucky brctbreu, with such
With tho Journal of Hygiene wo ro
probate excessive u o of suit, but coun
sel its judicious use, both on articles of
diet, In solution, as a bo er age. It is
maintained that nothing is better for I
an infant Buffering with cholera infan
tum than salt codlish. A noble speci
men of manhood, who was also a phy
sician, assured us that his SO years
were borne healthily by copious use of
salt. There is a gentleman on tho
Sand Hills who cured a distressing
dyspopsia by salt in water. Another
gent 1.jman says that ho was rescued
from an almost chronic neuralgia in the
same way. Ho adds: "J use no drugs.
Salt is my health-preserver. I easily
break up congestion by its proper use.
I would have been spared many years
of torture had 1 earlier known IbadttVOr
and its virtues." All of which is re
spectfully referred to tho Journal of
THK ST.VTl? DISPENSARY.
Final Payment to the General Fund?
A I.argo Amount In Proftpoot lor
the School Fund.
Tho Columbia Register says that
Commissioner Vance has paid into tho
Statt; treasury $18,600.40, which pay
ment completes the umount that was
fixed by tho act of the Legislature to
be paid into the general fuud. The
total amount paid into the treasury
since the passage of that act is $LSS,
Commissioner Vance assumed con
trol of the dispensary May 1st last, and
under his mauagemedt $88,500.40 has
been paid to thu State.
All prolits accruing henceforth will
be devoted to tho school fuud, and be
fore the Legislature meets in January
next, Col. Vance says that he is con
fident that fully $75,000 will be turned
over for school purposes. Tho bUSinesB
months aro yet to come, and tho com
missioner says that, he does not antici
pate any fear \hat the profits will fall
short of ibis estimate
The constitutional convention incor
porated in the constitution that the
general assoinbly enact a law directing
all the prolits of tho dispensary to go
the free school fund after tho then ex
isting outstanding indebtedness was
turned over to the State treasurer. At
the time of tho passage of the act of
the general assembly, it was estimated
that there was an accrued profit of
$100,000 and this had to be realized in
Cash before any disp< nsary earning.-,
could go towards the support of the
schools. Iiowevor, it was afterwards
discovered that allowing for breakages
und tho shortages of several dispen
sers, tho amount would drop to $188,
.''iiii. Hi and tho payment of tho com
missioner now mado hut* wiped out this
obligation to tho gonoral fund.
Tho chock was more than cheerfully
received by Treasurer Tlmmorman.
As a matter of fact, tho treasury wus
almost deplotod. But about $800 was
on hand and tho Balarios of tho State
officials are duo. Treasurer Tim mer
man was thinking strongly of borrow
ing money In order to meet tho cur
ront expenses of tho government, Tho
treasury being rehabilitated just at
this time, thocxpcDBOs can bo easily
met until tho collection of taxes is
mado. Tho Stato usually borrows
enough money at this season of every
year to run tho government until the
county treasurers collect Stato taxes
during tho fall of tho yoar. Governor
Kllorbo was much gratitlod that the
necossity for a loan would not arise,
ant! bo stated that tho payment could
not havo boon made at a moro oppor
tune t5 inc.
Since tho dispensary law wont Into
effeot ?238,600,43 has boon mado in
profits. This amount doos not Include
tho $f.0,000 borrowed from tho State
treasury with which to begin the
operation of the syatom. Tho $50,001)
has since boon roturned to the State.
According to this, the dispensary
has nottod about $100,000 a yoar, which,
of courBO, speaks well for tho financial
part of tho business.
?In ovory Kansas town thoro is an
old toper who is denied whiskey by
the drug storo keeper. It is usually
the case that his family has warned
them. Tho problom of his lifo, thoro
foro, Is how to circumvent tho i'mg
stores and procure his boverai.-os, and
it must be confessed that at times his
methods rise to the heights ol gonius.
Several times recently the old toper of
Smith Contor has appeared at a drug
store with aquart bottle in which could
bo seen a great wad of gum camphor.
Ho made ufll luv it that his wife needed a
m'xturo offalcohol and camphor for her
aches and pains, and tue druggist filled
tho bottle according to request, finally
the old toper began coming so ofton
and so rogularly that tho druggist be
came suspicious. He took the bottle
behind his prescription casoand fished
out tho gum oamphor. It was rock
?Two BVenoh lovors resolved to die
together, and the man shot the woman
and then himself. They have both re
covered and are now married. To com
mit suicide first and matrimony after
ward probably come i near to a novel
sensation ss the jt .youth of this
age can get.^^
Cjcnnc emu Jfarm,
An Exciting Race.
It was the most exciting race that
Teddy ever had! And you guess
that is was a bicycle race r Oh no,
indeed it wasn't! It was a race with
a heap of big, black, growling thun
Grandma heard them rolling and
rumbling just as she was going to
sit down 10 dinner.
"Deary me !" she exclaimed as she
hurried to the window. "If there
isn't a thunder-shower coming as fast
as ever it can ! And there's that
hay! It will all be spoiled, every
bit of it! And your grandpa not at
home to help! Deary, deary me I"
Teddy jumped up from the table.
"Let's race'em, grandma!" he ex
claimed eagerly. "You an' me an'
Pat an' Bridget! Let's all go an'
help, right now ! We can get grand
pa's hay in, you see if we can't!"
Grandma laughed. "We might
try it," she said, giving Teddy a kiss.
"'Many hands make light work,' 1
know." And sure enough, th y did !
Bridget raked and grandma raked,
and Teddy?well, he did everything !
lie tried to pitch justas Pat did, but
the hay always tumbled on top of
him instead of on top of the hav
load! Always! And then he climb
ed up into the cart and stamped the
hay down while Put pitched, and he
drove old Dobbin up to the barn und
then buck again to the hay-iield, and
oh dear me! 1 can't begin to tell
you what, he didn't do !
And all this time the great black
clouds bad been coining nearer and
nearer, and just us Pat got the last
load of hay safely into the barn, the
big rain-drops commenced to splash
against the windows. The shower
had come at last! but they were ready
Teddy sighed a happy little sigh
as he peeped out of the window. "We
beat you, old Mr. Thunder, this
time," he said with a smile. "You
can't wet a speck of my grandpa's
hay this year! No sir-reel"
lie started to clap his hands, he
was so delighted, but lie quickly
stopped. And what do you think
was the reason ? There were five lit
tle puffy blisters on each of his chub
Teddy looked at them wofully. "I
guess 1 don't mind!" he said brave
ly. "Course 1 don't, as long as we
beat! Put I'm tired as?as any
And when g:: .me to tell
him that dinner w.is ready, wheie do
you suppose she found him ? Under
a haycock, fast asleep, just like Lit
tle Hoy Blue!?Youth's OotnjHtnion.
What many an American farmer
fails to do ou 100 acres, the thrifty
Hollander in Belgium easily does on
two acres, namely, support a large
family and lay by something for a
rainy day. lie does it by making
the most of every inch, by heavy
manurlug allowing no waste places.
11 its two acres arc surrounded by a
ditch of running water. The typi
cal two-acre Belgium farm con
tains a patch of wheat or rye and
another of barley ; another fair por
tion grows potatoes. A row of
cabbage grows all around on the
sloping eitles of the ditches with a
row of onions just inside, leaving
bare walking room between them and
grain. The shade trees round the
house are pear trees. Every foot of
land is made to produce, tie keeps
pigs and chickens. We refer to this
as illustrating the possibilities of
land production. In Belgium <),
000,000 people, ehielly farmers, live
on u piece of land the size of the
state of Maryland. They furnish
tin object lesson on successful inten
sive farming.-Cohnan's Rural
Equal to the Occasion.?A
Yorkshire farmer, having a horse to
Bell at a fair, sold it to an army con
tractor. Meeting him tit the same
fair the following year, the army
buyer walked up to the farmer and
said indignantly: "The horse I
bought of you was a thorough fraud,
it was 'to use for the army." The
dealer was nowise abashed, but re
plied, "Well, try 'im for t' navy!"?
The idea of a postpaid envelope
originated in 1653? The first appli
cation of it was by M. de Volfyer,
who established a private postoflice
in Paris, placing boxes at the street
corners and having regular times of
collection and delivery.
The man may be
able to whip the
but he is not taking
chnuccB, mid is not
going to disdain the
assistance of help
ers with hot irons.
The same is true of
a wise man who is
having a tussle wit ii
ill - health. It'IS
barely possible that he limy have the natural
Inherent resisting power that will enable
him to conquer disease without the assist
ance of medicine, but he is not willing to
take the chances and will not disdain the
help of the right remedy.
When a man feels out-of-sorts, when hit
head is ache;/, dull nnd heavy, his body lazy,
his nerves jerkv, bis sleep broken, his np
I petite finicky, his skin sallow, Iii? breath
foul and his mouth bad-tasting, lie is having
a sttuggle with ill-health. If lie is wjsc be
will take Dr. Pierce's (.olden Medical Dis- I
covery. It gives edge to the app -tile and
makes the digestion perfect. It invigorates
the liver. It makes rich, red, pure blood.
It puts vim into every organ and fiber of
the body. It drives out all impurities and
disease germs. It imparts tiic glow of
health to the skin ana the vigor of youth to
the muscles. It tones the nerves and gives
refreshing sleep. It builds firm flesh, but
does not ra'isc the weight above Nature's
normal. It cures 98 per cent, of all cases
of consumption. All medicine stores sell
it. An honest dealer will not suggest a
worthless substitute for the sake of a lit
tle extra profit.
The most valuable book for both men and
?w-?fi?w_ women is Dr. l'ietec'a Com.
PP^i^^^^^^ tnon Sense Medical Adviser.
^T%f*fi"fT A splendid thousand - page
1 f??gfl volume, with over three bun
I I'jfSr?.? dred engravings and colored
i*^*V^ plates. A copy, papei cov
ered, will be sent to anyone
sending twenty-one cents in
k I ? one-cent stamps, to pay the
J VN cost of mailing only, to Dr.
^^mr R. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y.
Cloth-bound 51 stamp*.
Celobratou for its great leavening
strength and health fulness. Assures
the food against alum and all forms
of adulteration common to tho cheap
Uoyal Baking Powder Co.,
A mother noticed a remarkable
change in the deportment of her six
year-old son. From being rough,
noisy and discourteous, lie had sud
denly become one of the gentlest and
most considerate little fellows in tin;
world, lie was attending the kin
dergarten, and his mother naturally
inferred that the change was some
how due to his teachers instruction.
"iMiss Smith teaches you to be
polite?" Bhe remarked, in a tone of
"No," said the boy, "she never says
a word about it."
The mother was puzzled, and all
the more when further questioning
brought only more emphatic denials
that the teacher laid ever given her
pupils lessons in good breeding.
"Well, then," the mother asked,
Dually, "if Miss Smith doesn't say
anything, what does she do?"
"She doesn't do anything," per
sisted the boy. "She just walks
around, and we feel polite. We feel
just as polite as?anything."
That was all he could tell about
it, and his mother began to see
through the mystery.?Educational
Needs No Explanation
Madison, N. C, Avar. 4, '!>7.
Goose Grease Liniment Go., Greens
boro, N. C.
Dear Sirs;- -Please ship us at once
one. gross Goose Grease Liniment. We
are entirely out. Don't fail to ship at
oneo. Please givj us jobbers' prices.
It is tho best thing wo have over seen.
W. 0. Jon ks & Go.
To Spoil A Ohild.? L. Begin
young by giving him whatever he
xJ. Tell him he is too much for
you?that you can do nothing with
3. Have divided counsels, as be
tween father and mother.
I. Let him learn (from bis father's
example) to despise his mother.
5. Do not- know or care who his
companions may lie.
G. Let him read whatever he likes.
7. Let t he child rove the streets in
s. Strain at, a gnat and swallow a
camel ; chastise severely for a foible,
and laugh at a vice.
These rules are not untried. Many
parents have proved them with sub
stantial uniformity of results.
THE LAURHNS BAR.
W. H. MARTIN,
Attorney at Law,
Lauhenr, - South Carolina.
Will practice in all Courts Of Huh Stale
Attention given to collection!*.
f, T. JOHNHON. W. a. RIOHRV
JOHNSON & It ICII10 Y,
ATTOKNKYS AT I,AW.
okkiok?Fleming 'Ooruer, Vort hem
hUIo of Public Square,
II. Y. SIMPSON. C. I). liARKSDALF
SIMPSON & BARKSDAliK,
Attorneys at Law,
LAURENS, SOUTH CAROLINA
Special attention given to the investi
gation of titles antl collection of claims
11. w. BALL, L. W. BIMKIN8, w. W. BALL
BALL, SIM KINS & BALL,
Attorneys at Law*,
LAURENS, South CAROLINA.
Will practice in alt State and United
States Court. Special attention given
Who is Will Whitener ?
He is our Fashionable Hair Cutter and Shaver
_-IM BENDELL A HOTEI .-_
On Pianos, Organs and Sowing Machines. We
drive our business these hard times by selling at Cut
Prices. Wo don't pil down and croak about tin; scarcity
of money like the old fossils who lei purchasers pass
on when they won't pay them great long profits. If you"
want to purchase a Piano or an Organ come and see
ns and We will soil yon. We have on hand the largest
and best selected stock of . Pianos in the Stute, including
some of the best makes on the market, and we are going
to sell them. We guarantee our prices to be lower
than any other reliable dealer will make. Our terms for
time purchasers are ea^y. Only a small cash payment
required and we make tin; sailing smooth For
Spot Cash Buyers we will say, you can buy a Piano or
Organ cheaper from us than from any concern in the
business We keep constantly on hand a full stocK
of small instruments, consisting of Guitars, Banjos,
Mandolins, Antoharps, Violins, &c. Also the various
parts, strings and supplies for same. We are selling
Sewing Machines at ridiculously low prices. If you
want one, just intimate it, and you will be surprised how
low you can buy one. Our stock of sheet music, both
vocal and instrumental, is kept full, and you can get any
of the popular and up-to-date songs and music at any
time. Yours truly.
ALEXANDER BROS & CO
GUBKNVILLE, S. C
W. H. GSBBES & 00.,
?(agents fou and dealers in) ?
Machinery, Vehicles and Mill Supplies.
A. B. Farquhar Co., Engines, Boilers, Saw-Mills,
Chandler & Taylor Co., Engines and Boilers.
Lombard Iron Works & Supp' Co.,Boilers and Saw-Mills.
Liddell Co., Cotton Presses, K igines and Boilers, Saw
Daniel Pratt Gin Co., Cotton gins and cotton presses.
Winship Machine Co.,' otton gins and cotton presses.
Brown Cotton Gin Co., Co it on gins.
Lane Manufacturing Co.. Saw-Mills.
Straub Machinery Co., Crist Mills,
?rannan & Co., Cane Mills, Evaporator pans, etc.
Henry R. Worthington, Steam Pumps.
Meridian Machine Shops, "Hunter Full Circle Hay
[no. K. Chisolm, "Chisolm's $,^5 hay press."
Stover Manufacturing Co., Wind mills, tanks and towers.
Rife Hydraulic Engine M'f'g Co., Hydraulic Rams.
Henry Disston & Sons, Saws.
Deering Harvesting Co., Harvesting Machinery.
Keystone Manufacturing Co., Corn Shredders.
J. A. Fay & Kgan Co., Wood Working Machinery.
Stlldebaker Brothers M'f'g C(>., Wagons, Buggies, etc.
J. B. McFarlan Carriage Co., Vehicles.
New York Belling <f- Packing Co., Rubber belting and
We are in a position to quote Factory Prices on any
thing in the Machinery, Vehicle or Mill Supply lines.
We keep in stock. Cotton gins, Threshing machines,
Hay presses, Binders, Mowers, Reapers, Hay Rakes, Cane
Mills, Evaporator Pans. Furnaces, Saws, Disc Harrows, Pipe
and pipe fittings of all kinds, Injectors, Boiler lubes, Pumps,
Drive Points, Pump Cylinders, Rubber and Leather Belting,
Wagons, Buggies, Road Catts and General Machinery Sup
far* Reliable Goods.
g[HF"* Low Prices.
W. IL GIBBFS & CO.,
804 Gervais St. Columbia, S. C.
Represented in Laurens Count}- by ILK. Gray,Laurens. S.C.
tt mm mz
Prudential Insurance Co.,
Home Office, Newark, N, J. John F. Drydun, President.
Assets July 1, 1807,
?? \l %
Surp'us Ov< r,
New Business Writ'
Ii come 1896,
All Policies Contain the INCONTESTABLE and NoN-FoRFEITABLB features and Promise t
Pay Claims Immediately upon Receipt of Satisfactory Proofs of Death. Also Provide for Cash
Values, Loans, Paid-Up and Extended Insurance.
I. L. WITHERS,
G1 AERAL AGENT, COLUMBIA, S. C. ^