Newspaper Page Text
A.n. Independent Paper Devoted to the Interests of* tlie People.
VOLUME III. ORANGEBURG, SOUTH C?ROLINA, THURSDAY, JULY 2, 1874. NUMBER 21.
bt oltvkr wendell holme?.
Wo count the broken lyres tbat rest
Wbere the swoot-walllng singers alumbor;
But o'or their silent alstoni breast
Tho wild flowers wUo will stoop to nmmbor 7
A fow can touch the magic string,
? And noisy famo Is proud to win them;
Alas for those tbat novor sing,
But die with all their music in thorn 1
Nay. grieve not for tbe dead alone.
Whoso song baa told their heart's sad story;
Weep for the voiceless, who have known
Tho cross but not tho crown of glory I
Not where Leu'cadlan breezes Bweep
O'er Sappho's memory-haunted billow,
Bnt where the gUaieulng ntght-dovrs weop
On namoless sorrow's church-yard pillow.
Oh, hearts that break and glvo no sign,
Bavo witboring Hps and fading tresses,
Till Death pours out his cordial wine.
Slow-dropped from Misery's crushing presses:
If singing breath or echoing chord
To every hidden rang wore given.
What endless melodi?s were poured,
As sad as earth, as sweet as Heaven!
Intho early dayB of California?tlie
olden days of gold, or the golden days
of old, ?s you please?in a certain
miner's camp on tbe Yuba river, there
lived a queer geniiiB named Armstrong.
He was an honest miner, not differiog
materially from his fellows, excepting
that he had a ouriouB habit of talking
to himself. For the Bimplo reason that
he departed from common ouBtom in
this one particular, he was, of course,
voted crazy by tho other minors. To
call all persons '* crazy" who do not
follow the oastouis of the majority is a
constant habit with moo, But, day
after day, Armstrong worked away with
his pick and shovel, onring nothing for
the romarks of his neighbors, and seem
ing to wish* for no other partum- in his
toils or his rest, savo tho invisible per
Bonago whom ho always addressed in
tho Becond person singular, and with
whom he was almost constantly in close
and earnest conversation. Too common
drift of his talk, while at work, would
bo as follows :
" Rather tough work, Armstrong?
rich dirt, though?grub a dollar a pound
?no time to waste?pitch in, sir?
hanged if I don't wiBh I was in the
Btates. This mining's mighty hard
work. Nonsenso, Armstrong; what a
fool you are to bo talking in that way,
with three ounces a day right under!
your feet, and nothing to do but just to i
dig it out."
His conversation would bo duly punc
tuated with strokes of the pick and lifts
of the loaded shovel. And r o the days
would pass along, and Armstrong work
ed and slept, and talked with his invisi
ble partner. Well, it happened, in due
course of time, that the olass of human
vampires, commonly called gamblers,
made their appearance at the camp
where Armstrong worked. As he wob
not abovo following tho example of his
fellows, ho paid the new comers a visit.
It in the same old story. After watch
ing the game awhile, he concluded it
was the simplest thing in the world.
80 he tiied his luck, and won?$100!
Now, any experience would always set
? Armstrong to thinking and talking to
himself worso than ever. It waa so
this timo. " Now, Armstrong," he said,
as ho hesitated about going to his work
next morning, "that is the easiest
hundred dollars you over made in your
life. What's tho uao of your going
into a hole in the ground to dig for
three ounces a day? The faot is,
Armstrong, yon are aharp. You wore
not made for this kind of work. Sup
pose yon just throw away your pick and
shovel, leave the mines, buy a suit of
store-clothes and dress up like a born
gentleman, and go at some busineas
that suits your talent."
Armstrong was not long in putting
these thonghts and sayings into aotion.
Ho left tho diggings and invested in fine
clothes. Ho looked like another man,
but he was still tho same Armstrong,
never?heless. He was not long in find
iug an opportunity to try a new profes
sion. Walking forth in his fresh outfit,
ho had just concluded a long talk with
himself about his bright prospects,
when he had halted ia front of a largo
tent with a sign on it, " Miners' Rest."
Armstrong went in. It did not seem to
him that ho remained very long, but it
was long enough to work a wondorful
revolution in his feelings. When ho
came out he was a changed man?that
is to fray, he was a " changeless" man.
He was thunder-struck, amazed, be
wildered. He had lost his money, lost his
new prospect, lost his aolf-ooncoit?lost
everything, but his new clothes and hie
old habit of talking to himself. It ia
usoleB8 to say that ho was mad. Arm
strong was very mad. But thero was
no one to be m?d at but Armstrong him
self, so self number two was in for a
rough leoture :
" Now, Armstrong, you are a nic^
specimen?you fool?you bilk?yon
dead-beat?you inf?" Well, I nerd
not repeat all tho hard things ho said.
Liiko King Richard, ho " found within
himself no pity for himself."
But more words were not sufficient.
It was a time for aotion. But Arm
strong never onco thought of shooting,
drowning, hanging, or any other form
of suicide. Ho was altogether too orig
inal as well as too sensible for that.
Yet ho was resolved upon something
real and praotical in tho way of reforma
tory punishment. He folt tho need of a
self-impose 1 decree of biokiuptcy that
should render the present failure aa
com leto as possible, and prevent a
similar oourao in tho future
Bo the broken firm of " Armstrong &
Self " went forth in meditation long and
deep. Some of his thoughts wore al
most too deep for utterance. Bnt finally
ho stood by the dusty road along which
tho great freighting wagons were haul
ing supplies to the mining campa up
tho Saoraruonto. One of these wagons,
drawn by six yoke of oxen, wbb just
passing. Snap, snap, snap, in slow, ir
regular succo88ion, came tho keen,
stinging reports of the long Missouri
ox-whip. " G'lang I g'lang ! wo-haw !"
shouted tho tall, dust-begrimed driver,
as he swung his whip and east a side
long glance at the broken firm, wonder
1 ing " what in thunder all them store
olothes was a-doin' thar." Now, when
Armstrong saw the long column of
white dust rising behind that wagon he
was taken with an idea. 80 he shouted
to tho driver, to know if he might be
allowed to walk in the road behind the
" Oet in and ride," said the driver,
"No," said Armstrong; "I wish to
V Then walk, you crazy fool," was the
accommodating response, as the driver
swung his whip.
Then came the tug of war. 'Greek
never met Greek more fiercely than did
the two contending spirits oompoaing
the firm of Armstrong & Solf, at that
particular moment. "Now, Armstrong,"
said the imperious head of the firm,
" you get right into the middle of that
road, sir, and walk in that dust, behind
that wagon, all the way to the Paokers'
Boost, on tho Yuba river." "What,
with these clothes on?" "Yes, with
those clothes on." " Why, it iB fifteen
miles and dusty all thewav." " No mat
ter, sir; take tho road. You squander
you money at three-card monto; I'll
teach you a lesson."
" G'lang! g'lang 1" drawled the dri
ver, as he looked over his shoulder with
a curious mingling of pity, contompt
and wonder on his dusty face. Moro
and moro spitefully snapped the swing
ing whip as the slow-paced oxen toiled
milo after mile under tho heat of a Sep
tember sun. And there, in tho road,
trudged Armstrong behind the wagon
slowly, wearily, thoughtfully, but not
silently. He was a man who always
spoke ins thoughts.
" This serves you right, Armstrong.
Any man who will fool his money away
at three-card monto deserves to walk in
the dust." "It will spoil these clothes."
"Well, don't yon deservo it?" "Tho
dust fills my eyes." "Yes, any man
who gambles all his * dust' away at
three-card monto deserves to have dust
in his eyes?and alkali dust at that."
"The dust chokes mo." "All right;
any man who will buck at monto de
serves to be choked. Keep the road,
sir?the middle of tho road?close up to
the wagon. Do you think yon will over
buck at monte again, Armstrong ?"
And so the poor culprit, solf-arrosted,
self-condemned, coughed, and sneezed,
and choked, and walked, and talked,
mile after mile, hour after hour ; while
the great wagon groaned and ereaked,
the driver bawled and swnng his whip,
the patient oxen gave their shoulders to
the yoke, and the golden sun of Sep
tember sunk wearily toward the weBt.
Thfe shadows of evening were begin
ning to fall when the wagon halted at
the place called Packers' RooBt, on the
" Here we reBt," sighed Armstrong,
just above his breath, as he looked at
the stream. "No, you don't," answered
the head of the firm. " You buok your
money away at monte, aud talk about
resting 1 Now, Armstrong, go right
down the bank, sir, into that river."
As the command was peremptory, and
a spirit of obedience was thought the
safest, Armstrong obeyed without par
ley ; and down he went, over head and
cars, store-olothes and all, into the cold
mountain stream. It was a long time
that he remained in tho water, and un
der tho water. He would come to the
surface every litt!o while to talk, you
understand. It was impossible for
Armstrong to forbear talking. "O,
yes," he would say, as he came up and
snuffed the water from his nose, " you'll
buck your money away at three-card
monte, will yon ? How do yon like
water-cure?" His words wore, of
course, duly punotuated by irregular
plungings and catching of the breath.
It 8J happened that the man who
keot the shanty hotol at the Packers'
Roost, had a woman for a wife. She, be
ing a kind-hearted oreature, besought
her lord to go down and "help tho
poor orazy man out of tho water."
"Pshaw!" said the ox-driver, "ho
ain't a crazy man ; ho's a fool. Ho
walked behind my wagon and talked to
himself all tho * way from Scrabble
Theroupon rose a lengthy discussion
about tho difference between a crazy
man and a fool. But, after a while, tho
landlord and the ox-driver went down
to tho bank and agreed to go Arm
strong's security against buoking at
monte in the future, if ho would oomo
out of the water. So he came out and
went up to house
" Will you have a cup of toa or cof
fee ?" said tho woman kicdly.
"YeB, madam," Baid Armstrong, "I
will tako both,"
" Ho is orazy, sure as can bo," said
the woman. But she.brought tho two
cups as ordered. "Milk aud sugar?"
she inquiiod kindly, ns before.
" No, madam, mustard and red pop
per," answorod Armstrong.
" I do believo ho is a fool," said tho
woman, ns she wont for the poppor and
Ar LStrong, with deliberate coolnoss,
put a spoonful of rod popper into the
ton and a spoonful of mustard into the
coffee. Then he poured the two to
gether into a largo tin cup. Then the
old conflict raged again, and, hi^b above
the din of rattling tin oupB and pewter
spoons, sounded tho stern command,
"Armstroug, drink it, sir?drink it
down." A momentary hesitation and a
few desporato gulps, aud it was down.
" Oh, yes," said our hero, as his throat
burned and tho tears ran. from his eyes,
"yon buok your money away at threo
card monto, do you ?"
Now, tho Thomeoninn dose above de
scribed very nearly ended the battlo
with poor Armstrong. He was silent
for quite a. time, and everybody else
was silent. After a while the landlord
ventured to suggest that a bed ooiild be
provided if it was desired. " No," said
Armstrong, " I'll sleep on the floor.
You see, stranger," said he, eyeing the
landlord >with a peculiar expression,
" this fool has been squandering g?kl
einst at monte?three-card mem to?and
does not deserve to sleep in a bed."
So Armstrong ended the day's battle
by going to bed on the floor. Then
oame the dreams. He first dreamed
that he was Bleeping with his feet on
tho North Pole and his head in the
tropics, while all tho miners of Yuba
were ground- sluicing in his stomach.
Next, he dreamed that he had swallow
ed Mount Shasta for supper, and that
the old mountain had suddenly become
an aotive volcano, and was vomiting"
acres and acres of hot lava.
Then the scenes shifted, and he
seemed to have found his final abode in
a place of vile smells and fierce flames,
poetically called tho antipodes of heav
en. And'while ho writhed and groaned
in sleepless agony, a fork-tailed fiend,
with his thumb at his no so, was saying
to him in a mocking voice: " You
buck your money away at threo-card
monto, do you?hey ?" But even this
troubled sleep had an end at last, and
Armstrong arose. When he looked at
himself in the broken looking-glass that
hung on the wall, he thought his faoe
bore traces of wisdom that had never
been there before. So he said: ' 'I think
you have learned a lesson, Armstrong.
Yon can go back to your mining now,
sir, and leave monte alone." Timo
showed that ho was right. His lesson
was well learned. The minors looked
a littlo curious when he reappeared at
the camp, and still called him crazy.
Bat he had learned a lesson many of
them never learned, poor follows. They
continued their old ways, making money
fast and spending it foolishly?oven
giving it to monto dealers. But the
Armstrong firm was never broken in
that way but once. After that, when
ever he saw ono of tho peculiar signs,
"Robbers' Roost," " Fleecer's Dan,"
or "Fool's Last Chance," Armstrong
would shake his hoad with u knowing
air, and say to himself as he passed
along: "On, yes, Armstrong, you've
bcon there ; you know all about that;
yon don't buck your money away at
three card monte?not muc'j.
At the Vatican,
A correspondent from Rome describes
a visit to the Vatican : " The gorgeous
Swiss Guards, who look like nothing
else undor heaven, and are probably the
most showy soldiers on the face of the
globe, filed back at our approach like a
shattered rainbow, and wo were imme
diately lost in the labyrinths of tho
palace. We climbed stairs that seemed
out out of solid marble quarries, for
there was nothing to be seen but marble
in some Bhapo or other. Again and
again wo were met and passed by
guards ; priests and monks in robes of
many fashions and colors, pass us; the
place was alive with peoplo, and yet
none of them seemed familiar to my
eyeB. We entered one room, passed
into others, all of them having their
separate uses and most of them in
oharge of officers, who lookod as littlo
like tho last lot as possible. Finally
wo oame to a court, ono of the twenty,
where were carriages, and footmen in
livery, but how they ovor found their
way thither I dare not conjooturo. Be
yond the court tho chambers were more
splendid than tho last. New guards
and pages, in now uniforms and liveries,
moved to and fro through the ondloss
suites of rooms, and kept everything in
a gontle state of commotion. Hero wo
left our cloaks and hats.. Here wo took
our rosaries and tokens in hand, and
pressed from one chamber to anotbor,
perhaps waiting a few moments in each
room while ray companion spoke, to gen
tlemen in wntting, clothed in crimson
satin and looking very impressive in
deed. Rooms that wore frescoed to tho
very floors ?iuiuly gave place to rooms
hung with splendid tapestries of inesti
mable value. It began to look liko bu
siness. The chambers wore hoatod with
the great brazen pots of coals, such as
ono meets with in all tho Italian galle
ries and in tho churches, whon tho
ohurohes aro heated at all. Those bra
ziers look a little heathenish, and nre
none the less interesting for that rea
son. Thoy aro big enough for human
sacrifices, some of them, but they aro
seldom hot enough to hurt."
Thoro was a man who lived in Cass
county, Georgin, many years ago, who
had once been in the state legislature,
and nover negleotod an opportunity to'
emphasizo tho fnot. Ho was a perfect
infidel as to now discoveries and now
sciences, being well satisfied that if
the world should turn ovor tho water
would spill out of his well, and only
giviug in to steam oarB by slow dogreos.
But all the vials of h<s contempt were
poured out upon the idea of a telogrnph,
and he was wont to Bay that nobody
need try to come " tho greon" ovor him
in that way, for ho had ueen to tho leg
islature. Finally tho istate road was
built, and ono day workmen began to
put up telegraph poBts right in tho
front of tho house and to stretch the
wire. His exultant noighbors thought
thoy had him on that, occasion, and
asked, " Well, old follow, what do you
think of telegraphs now?" Ho was cor
nered, but diod gamo. Drawing him
solf up an inch taller, ho said, " Gon
tleraeu, whon I was in tho legislature I
gave this subject my vory attentive con
sideration, and I said then, as I Bay
now, that it may do for lotters and small
bundles, but it will never take a cotton
balo. novor !"
JAMES LIOK'S CAREER.
The Enterprise by Which the Putlan
throphlst Accumulated III* Mtllluus.
From "FirstSteamship Pioneers."
James Lick lias been among the most
noteworthy of all our earliest pioneers.
Naturally modest and. reticent to the
last degree, nearly all the acts of his
eventful life have remained unnoticed
until recently. We first find him in
the interior of Pennsylvania, a young
married man, quietly pursuing a course
of operations, evincing great enterprise
in their planning, untiring energy in
their execution, and promising great
advantages. in their results. We next
find him in the pampas of Brazil and
Buenos Ayres, with his thousands of
horses and cattle, in tho capacity of a
great proprietor, from whom the gov
ernments of those countries derived
their supplies for the cavalry and their
commis8iaiiat. Again, we find him on
the other side of the continent, oper
ating in the commercial metropolis of
Chili and Peru ;'everywhere and at all
times, so quiet and so unobtrusive, that
none savo those with whom he had
transactions in business,[and those who
observed the external improvements
wrought by his enterprises would bo
aware of his existence. His mode, in
all departments of life, has never been
in a rut, but aui generis. In Valpa
raiso he was not only doing now things,
but doing them in his own way. And,
strange as it may seem in such a quiet
mau, lie was always reaching into en
terprises in advance of others, " taking
time by tho fore-lock." When the news
of the gold discovery in California
reaohed Valparaiso, he was in business
that wonld have taken an ordinary man
a scries of months, at least, to so close
up that he could leavo it with any so it,
of consistency, yet he put dr.nblooDS
enough in his trunk to make $20,000,
besides the expenses of the trip, en
trusted his business to a confidential
friend, and stepped on board the first
vessel leaving his place for San Fran
cisco. Arriving here he found exactly
what his sagacious mind had predicted
from tho moment that tho golden news
reaohed him, viz : a splendid opportu
nity to invost in real estate. He" scan
ned the situation, foresaw the growth
of the town, selected his " corner lots"
with great good judgment, and invested
his money. The property he then pur
chased with $20,000 is perhaps to-day
worth many millions. In the first few
years ho built sparingly and with great
can; : afterward, liberally and magnifi
cently. In 1853, John B. Weller, U. S.
senator from California, said, in his
placo, " I would not give six bits for all
tho agricultural lands in California."
At this very time Mr. Lick was prepar
ing the foundations for a flouring mill
in Santa Clara county, which, with its
massive foundations, fine burr-stones
and interior finishings of solid mahoga
ny, had, before it was completed, cost
him half a million of dollras. This
done, ho took fifty acres of adjoining
land, reduced its surface to a spirit
level, and sot, by the square and com
pass, with his own hands, tho whole
with the choicest varieties of pear treeB.
These operations, and numerous others,
proved very remunerative. He subse
quently erected the magnificent hotel
in this oity which boars his name. Re
cently his nots have placed him in the
front rank of philanthropists of this
or any conntry. Ho gave to the society
of California Pioneers the lot on Mont
gomery street, on which Pioneer hall
Mr. Ijiok has boon for many months
in poor health, but has dovoted all his
attention to the arrangement of plans
for the disposal of his wealth in a man
ner to sooure the greatest amount of
good to tho ooming generations of his
The Prospects for California Wines.
Tho San Francisco Bulletin has the
following remarks upon this subject:
A few days ago tho telegraph reported
that the wines in the yards of Franco
had been seriously injured by frost, and
the prospect of another short vintage
was the* result. Last year the vine
yards in the southern departments of
Franco and in tho German Rhenish
provinces suffered considerably from tho
same cause, the vintage in some sections
falling short nearly two-thirds of the
average. If the present reports con
corning tho Fr noh vineyards are true,
tho probability is that the Gorman
vineyards have not escaped. Should
that prove to be tho case, the coming
vintage will bo a repetition of last year's
experience. There is a possibility, how
ever, that French wine dealers will bo
again resorting to tho tactic? practiced
by them for the last ten or twolvo years
?circulating talso reports relative to
the grape crop for tho purposo of ptiff
cning tho prioos of French wines. What
effoot a short vintage in Europe this
year will have upon California wines is
difficult to predict. Last year tho Gal
ifornia vintage did not excoad 5,000,000
gallons, or 50 per cent Icbb than tho av
erage, yet there was no appreciable
change in prices, notwithstanding the
failuro of European vines. This coinci
dent failure in the grapo crop ought to
have done the vinionlturist some good,
in tho way of a hotter price for what he
was ablo to turn out of his presses. The
only efftot it did havo was to givo him
a readior sale at former prioes. Had
tho vintage boon a full one, or had there
been no damage don'.' to tho European
vineyards, tho ohanoes aro that thero
wonld have been a universal tumblo in
the prices of tho whole lino of native
wines. California vineyards this yoar
Eromiflo well. Tho vintago will proba
ly bo tho largest ovor harvested in tho
state. Tho vineyards of Los Angeles,
Anaheim aud Cuoumonga, wh'ch suf
fered exceedingly last year from frosts,
are this year in full beniing, whilo So
noma vineyards give promise of yield
ing extraordinary crops. Competent
juagef? estimate that the yield will not
be less than 12,000,000 gallons of wine.
The quantity of brandy manufactured
in addition will dopend entirely on the
nature of the tax imposed on the dis
tillers. At least 100,000 gallons of
brandy are estimated to have been
thrown away last year in the form of re
fuse from the presses, which could not
be profitably worked off in consequence
of the excessive tax levied.
"As easy as lying," says Hamlet.
This is one of those happy touches ot
Shakspeare that seem slight and acci
dental, while furnishing a fruitful text
to all after-time. Self-observant per
sons are aware of the ease with which
exaggeration and other varieties of false
hood slip from the tongue, and the ex
treme difficulty of giving ah exaot ao
oount of the simplest matter. And this
difficulty is greatest to ardent and im
aginative persons, who naturally take to
writing. The very qualities of mind
which give them their power to interest
other minds are, in many instances, the
qualities that incline them to pictures
que and effective exaggeration. Telling
the simple truth is the, hardest thing
done either by tongue or pen. How
easy it was to represent Napoleon Bona
parte galloping over the Alps on a ro
buef charger, gorgeously caparisoned,
his cloak flying in the breeze, and com
pact legions pressing up tho steep accli
vity ! This lie was imagined in a mo
ment ; but it cost M. Thiers much pain
ful toil and long travel to ascertain that
his conqueror crossed tho Alps on a
mule, muffled to the eyes in his cloak,
and attendod by one guide on foot.
l'n tho press, as in literature, false
hood has the additional advantage over
truth of being muoh the less expensive.
Your raw hand will bring you in an ao
count of a finanoe meeting which shall
bo of necessity a mere tissue of miscon
ceptions nnd miostatements. To get an
approximately true narrative of what
oocurred, without verbatim reports, you
must send three persons of tiained in
telligence ; but a full and exaot report,
with the requisite desoriptivo matter,
demands the intense labor of twelve
train d men. Now the account stands
thus : tissue of green falsehood, two
dollars; vivid narrative strongly resem
bling the truth, thirty dollars; verbatim
report, eighty dollars. In every de
partment of a newspaper, from the most
commonplace reporting to the most im
portant criticism, we find that lies are
very oheap and truth is very dear.
We must also bear in mind that if ly
ing is easy, it may also be for the mo
ment highly effective. That tawdry
falsehood of Bonaparte bounding over
the mountains adorns at this hour hun
dreds of barber-shops in all countries,
as the tale, equally groundless, of Lin
?^n and the Scotch cap figures in many
histories of the late war. Some men of
very ordinary abilities do suoo?ied, after
long practice, in purging their conver
sation of the usual exaggerations and
and credulities ; but even this negative
part of a difficult virtue is apt to be
purchased by the loss of vivaoity. Their
conversation is as dull as it is correct.
But the journalist lies under an inex
orable necessity of not being dull. In
correct he may be, to a certain extent,
and live ; but if he is dull, he dies.
And, unhappily, there are three ways
open to the journalist of avoiding dull
ness ; two wrong and one right. The
right way is vigilance, taot, and hard
labor in tho gathering nnd utterance of
truth proper to be told. The two wrong
ways domand vastly inferior powers.
Ono is the invention or repetition of
falsehood, and the other tho revelation
of matters not proper to be told. A
fertile and sympathetio mind, capable
of public spirit, finds tho material for
stirring and delightful journalism in a
village; bnt there are dull dogs that,
even when posted in Washington, tho
most interesting capital in the world,
are compelled to eke out their daily
dole of routine by calumnious inven
tion. ?Jamea Parton, in Harper's Mag
How did peoplo get in the habit of
shaking hands? The answer is not far
to seek. In early and barbarous times,
when every savage or semi-savage was
his own lawgiver, judge, soldier and
policeman, and had to watch over his
own safety, in default of all other pro
tection, two friends nnd acquaintances,
or two strangers desiring to be friends
and acquaintances, when they ohanced
to meet, offered each to the other tho
right hand, tho hand alike of offense
and defense, the hand that wields tho
8word, the dagger, the club, the toma
hawk, or other weapons of war. Each
did this to show that tho hand was
empty, and neither war nor treachery
was intended. A man can not well stab
another while ho is in the aot of shak
ing hands with him, unless ho be a
donble-oyod traitor and villain, and
strives to aim a oowardly blow with the
left whilo giving tho right and protend
ing to bo on good terms with his victim.
The custom of baud shaking prevails
more or less amongall civilized nations,
and is the tacit avowal of friendship and
good will, just as a kiss is of a warmer
passion. Ladies, every one must have
remarked, seldom or never shake hands
with tho cordiality of gentlemen, unless
it be with eaoh other. Tho reason is
obvious. It is for them to receive hom
age, not to givo it. Thoy can not be ex
pected to show to persons of the other
sex a warmth of greeting whioh might
bo misinterpreted, uulos& such persons
aro very cloaely related to them by
family or affection, in which case hand
shaking is not needed, and tho lips do
more agreeable duty.
FACTS AND FANCIES.
?Two million bushels of peanuts axe
every year dovoured in the United'
?" Do you like the piano ?" some
ono asked Theophile Oautior. " I per
fer it to the guillotine," was the reply
of the poet.
?The clergy cost the United States
812,080,000 annually; tho criminals,
840,000.000 : the lawyers, $70,000,000;
?It was an expressive remark of a
practical man regarding the woman of
the period recently: " She doesn't
know enough, sir, to boil water."
?" Where do wioked little boys go :
to who fish on Sunday ?" asked a teach
er in a - Snnday school. "Down to.
U nl lota's Riffle," was the prompt reply.
?A. D. 1900. Soene before a crema
tion undertakers shop : Small boy?
"I say, sir, is dad done yet? If ho is,
please put his ashes in this ' ore tin ko t-'
?A correspondent asks : " What
takes up more room On a sidewalk now
adays than a fashionably-dressed fe
male ?" Answer?A boy in a new pair
?A commeroial writer suggests that
the hides of cremated porsons might be
utilized. This awful suggestion gath
ers foroo from the faot that the skins of
many people have already been tanned.
?A physician of skill and experience
says a mustard plaster should never be
mixed with hot water, but with the
white of eggs; and when so prepared
does its duty as a counter-irritant with
out producing the anguish of a blister,
as in the old method.
?A New Bedford paper tells a story
about a shop-keeper, who advised a
customer to liavo two mohair switches
instead of one, as the article was be
coming scarce. He said that the man
whom he hired to hunt moes had only
caught two within a fortnight.
?A gentleman who oame several
thousand miles to view Texas with the '
purpose of purchasing, got a large-Bized
red ant on him, and, stranger as he was,
he cavorted around and used ?s appro
priate language as if he had lived there '
all his life, and moved in the best of
?The N. O. Picayune doesn't know
why it is that yonng men always con
sider it necessary to grin when they are
talking to the other sex. Nobody can
smirk and grin at every word he utters
without losing every one of those pecu
liarities which originally distinguished
him from the chimpanzee.
?A very prosaio and matter-of-fact
clergyman recently remarked that if
"all the bones of the victims of intem
perance could be gathered and made in
to a pyramid, no plain could be large
enough for its base to rest upon, and
the planets would have to bo swept
aside to make room for its apex."
?Iodine and oantharides will remove
warts, bnt not so fast as a buzz-saw.
Hot lemonade will take the velvet off a
bad cold, but if hot whisky wouldn't do
it just as well, bad colds would be
scarcer. Gray hairs silver the evening
of life, but that was before the Pooa
hontas coloring fluid was discovered.
?A gentle Quaker had two horses, a
very good and a very poor one. When
seen riding the latter, it turned out
that his better half had taken tho good
one, " What 1" said a sneering bach
elor, " how comes it that you let your
wife ride tho better horse ?" The only
reply was: "Friend, when thee be
married thee'll know."
?A sly old boy, aged eighty, was be
fore a London court for breaoh of
promise lately. The only thing that
saved him was tho economical method
of his spelling in his letters. When he
wanted to say " May God bless you
ond kisses," be only wrote "M. G. B. U.
and K." " M. D." in his letters signi
fied "my dear," and "L. P." "little
?A rather singular present received
by a bride laBt week, was a life insur
ance policy for 810,000 on her husband's
life. Tho poor little thing, all iule
and orange blossoms, wept when nho.
saw it, and continued to do so until her
mamma whispered something in her
ear. Then she raised her eyebrows,
sweetly smiled, and tripped up stairs
to put the polioy carefully away.
?A policeman in Detroit heard that a
oitizen had been badly injured, and ho
called at the house to obtain particulars.
He found the man lying on the lonngo,
with his head bound up, and his face
badly scratched. He. asked : " What
is tho matter ? Did he get run over,.or
fall down stairs ?" " No, not exaotly,"
replied his wife ; "but he wanted to run
the house his way, and I wanted to run
it my way ; and there he is."
?A. writer in an exchange deserves
the respectful sympathy of all gentle^
men who give out their washing. He
says : " It is awfully annoying to have
some other fellow's clothes left in one's
room by the washerwoman. Saturday
we put on another fellow's shirt, bnt
couldn't wear it. Although it was ruf
fled around tho bottom, the sleeves
were too short to button cuffs on, and
there was no place for a oollar."
?Brooklyn has abolished its system
of eduoating young men and women in
the same school-room. The reason
given for the ohange is that the system
has proved promotive of immorality.
The experience of St.. Louis in the co
education of the sexe?- is quite different
from this. There tho association has
produced an emulation of the most
healthful and desirable oharaeter. Bos
ton, too, wo think, has found tho system
practicable. Brooklyn must hnvo man
aged very badly ; though, perhaps, tho
fault may lie in her climate.