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GOttEDY OF TflE SAME
MME. T T T
THE PLAY AS P?OI>UCED
? ? OOPY?ICJMT 1011 M.K.flV CO?
From behind the first mass of pac'r
egei came a brisk, military answer:
"Ton black bound! About face
forward march! Section number one."
The porter retreated down the aisle,
apologising glibly. "'Sense me for
questioning' you. but you-ell's baggage
moled kind o' eccentric at first"
The two young men dumped their
parcels on the seats and began to un?
wrap them hastily.
"If afallory catches ue. hell kill ue."
eald Lieutenant Shaw. Lieutenant
Hudson only laughed and drew out a
kmg streamer of white satin ribbon.
Its glimmer, and the glimmering eyes
eg tbe youna man excited Mrs. Whit
eomb ma nach ttuU ?Tter m. little heel
Uac* afee moved forward, followed by
tbe feats? a en torn
-Ob. what's upr* she ventured. "It
looks like something bridal."
Talk shout womanly IntuitionI"
eald Lieutenant Hudson, with an in?
And then they explained to her that
their classmate at West Point, being
esdeied suddenly to the Philippines,
had arranged to elope with hie beloved
hfsrjorle Newton; bed ssked them to
get the tickets and chock the baggage
while he stopped at a minister's to
"sat spliced and hike for Manila by
Having recounted this plsn In the
foil belief that It was even st that mo?
ment being carried out successfully.
Lieutenant Hudson, with a ghoulish
"Being old friends of the) bride and
groom, wo want to fix their section up
m style and make them truly comfort?
"Delicious! - gushed Mrs. Whitcomb.
"But you ought to hare some rice end
"Here's the rice," eald Hudson.
"Here's the old shoes.- said Shaw.
"Lovely!" cried Mrs. Whitcomb, but
then she grow soberer. "1 should think,
though, that they?the young couple?
would hare preferred a stateroom."
"Of course.'' eald Hudson, almost
blushing, "but it was taken. Tola waa
the beet wo could do for them."
"That's why wo want to mako It
alee and bride-like." eald Shaw. "Per?
haps yon could help us?a woman's
"Oh, I'd lore to." she glowed, has?
tening Into ths section among the
young men and the bundlee. The un?
usual stir sttracted tbe porter's sus?
picions. He came forward with a look
"Scuse me, but wha?what's all
. "Vsnlsh?get out," said Hudson,
poking a coin st blm. as he turned
to obey, Mrs. Whitcomb chocked him
with: "Oh, Porter, could you get us
a hammer and some nails*"
The porter si most blanched. "Good
Lewd. Mise, you ain't allowin' to drive
nails In that woodwork. Is you?" That
woodwork wss to him what the altar
Is to the priest.
Mm nuaeon. resorting to heroic
measures, r < ?not lied him with a two
dollar bill: "Here, take this and soe
nothing, bear nothing, say nothing. '
The porter caressed it and chuckled:
"I'm blind, deaf and tpeechleee." He
turned away, only to come back at
once with a timid "*8cuee me!"
"Tcu here yet?" growled Hudson.
Anilously the porter pleaded: "I
just want to sst one question. Is you
all gain' up for a bridal couple?"
"Foollah question, number eight
million, forty-three," eald Shaw. "An?
swer, no, we ore."
U The porter's 7aoe glistened liko
fresh stov? polish ss be floated over
the prospect. "I tell you, It'll be mahty
refresh in' to have a bridal couple on
bode! Thle dogon Reno train don't
carry not hin' much but divorcees. I'm
tust nachally bongry for a bridal cou?
"Brlla coup-hlc-se?" oamo a voice,
like an echo that had somehow be?
come tntoxlcated lu transit It was
Little Jimmle Wellington looking for
more sympathy. "Whass sis about
"Why, here'e Uttle Duttercup!"
eang out young Hudson, looking at
him In amascd amusement.
"Did I un'stsn' somebody say you're
preparing for brlle ooupl'?"
Lieutenant Shaw grinned. "I don't
know what you understood, but that's
what we're doing."
Immediately Wellington's great face
began to churn and work like a big
eddy In a river. Suddenly he was
weeping. "Excuse these tears, zhent
tlemen, but I once?I was once a
b-b-bride myself. "
"He looks like a whole wedding par?
ty," was Ashton's only comment on
tbe copious grief. It waa poor Welling?
ton^ fate to bunt as vainly for sym?
pathy ae Mogcnee for honesty. Tho
decorators either Ignored him or
shunted him sslde. They were Inter?
ested In a strange contrlvsnco of rib?
bons snd a box that Shaw produced.
That," Hudson explained, "la a lit?
tle rice trap. Wo hang that up there
and erben the bridal couple alt down
--biff! a shower of rice all over them.
It's bad. ehr
Everybody agreed that it was a
happy thought, and even Jimmie Wel?
lington, like, a great baby, bounding
from tears to laughter on the instant,
waa chortling: "A riebe trap? That's
abslootly splendid?greatea' invensh'
modern times. I must stick around
and see her when she flops." And
then he lurched forward like a too
obliging elephant "Let me help you/'
Mrs. WhHcomb, who had now
mounted a step ladder and poised her?
self aa gracefully aa possible, shrieked
with alarm, aa ehe saw Wellington's
bulk rolling toward her frail support.
If Had son and Shaw bad not been
football T?t*rmn? ?t W??t I\>lnt and
bad not known Just what to do wben
the center rush comes bucking the
line, they could never have blocked
that flying wedge. But they checked
him and Impelled him backward
through his own curtains Into his <
Finding himself on his back, he de?
cided to remain there. And there be
remained, oblivious of the carnival
preparations |;olng on Just outside his
The Masked Minister.
Being an angel must have this great
advantage at least, that one may alt in
the grandstand overlooking the earth
and enjoy the ludicrous blunder of
that great blind man's buff we call
This night if any angels were
watching Chicago, the Mallory mix-up
must have given them a good laugh,
or a good cry?according to their na?
Here were Mallory and Marjorle,
still merely engaged, bitterly regret?
ting their inability to get married and
to continue their Journey together.
There in the car were the giggling
conspirators preparing a bridal mock?
ery for their sweet confusion.
Then the angels might have nndgcd
one another and said:
"Oh, it's all right now. There goes
the minister hurrying to their very
car. Mallory haa the license in his
pocket, and here cornea the parson.
And then the angelic cheer must
have died out as the one great bur ruh
of a crowded ball-ground is quenched
In air when the home team's vitally
needed home run swerves outside the
line and drops useless as a stupid foul
1 !ti a shabby old hack, were two of
the happiest runaways that ever
sought a train. They were not miser?
able like the young couple in the taxi
cab. They were white-haired both.
They had been married for thirty
years. Yet this was their real honey?
moon, their real elopement
The little woman in the timid gray
bonnet clapped h n hands and tittered
like a schoolgirl.
'Oh, Walter, I can't believe we're
really going to leave Ypsilantl for a
while. Oh, but you've earned it after
thirty years of being a preacher."
"Hush. Don't let me hear you say
the awful word," said the little old
roan In the little black hat and the
close-fitting black bib. "I'm so tired
of it, Sally, I don't want anybody on
the train to know it."
"They can't h-?lp guessing it. with
ycur collar buttoned behind."
And then the amazing minister act?
ually dared to say, "Here's where I
change it around." What's more, he
actually did it. Actually took off his
collar and buttoned it to the front
The old carriage seemed almost to
rock with the earthquake of the deed.
"Why, Walter Temple!" his wife ex?
claimed. "What would they say in
"They'll never know," he answered,
"But your bib?" she suld.
'"I've thought of that, too," he cried,
as he whipped it off and stuffed it into
a handbag. "Look, what I've bought."
And he dangled before her startled
eyes a long affair which the sudden
light from a passing lamp-post re?
vealed to be nothing less than a flar?
ing red tie.
The old lady touched it to make
sure she wuj not dreaming it. Then,
omitting further parley with fate, she
snatched it away, put it round his
neck, and, since her arms were em?
bracing him, kissed him twice before
she knotted the ribbon into a flaming
bow. She sat back and regarded the
Mrs. Walter Temple.
vision a moment, then flung her arms
round him and hugged him till he
"Watch out?watch out Dont crush
"Cigars! Cigars!" she echoed, in a
And then the astounding husband
produced them in proof.
"Genuine Lillian Russells?five
cents straight." .
"Put I never saw you smoke."
"Haven't taken a puff since I was a
young fellow," he grinned, wagging
his head. "But now it's my vacation,
and I'm going to smoke up."
She squeezed his hand with an
earlier ardor: "Now you're the Old
Walter Teinplo 1 used to know."
"SaHy," lif* wld, Tt6 be en traveling
through life on i< half?fare ticket. Now
I'm going to have my little fling. And
you brace up, too, and be the old mis?
chievous Sally 1 Used to know. Aren't
you glad to be away from those sew?
ing circles and gossip-bees, and ?"
"Ugh: Don't ever mention them,"
she shuddered. Then she, too, felt a
tinge ol recurring springtide. "If you
start to smoking, 1 think I'll take up
flirting once more."
Hi pinched her cheek and laughed.
"As the buying ie, jo as far as you de?
sire and I'll leave the coast clear."
He kept his promise, too, for they
were no sooner on the train and euug
ly bestowed in section live, than he
was up and off.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
REV, TEMPLE'S FIRST CIGAR.
"To the smoking-room," he swag?
gered, brandishing a dangerous look?
"Oh, Walter," she snickered, "I feel
like a young runaway."
"You look like one. Be careful not
to let anybody know that you're a"?
he lowered his voice?"an old preach?
"I'm as ashamed of it as you are,"
she whispered. Then he threw her a
kiss and a wink. She threw him a kiss
and winked too. And be went along
the aisle eyeing h'^ cigar gloatingly.
As he entered the smoking-room, light?
ed the weed and blew out a great puff
with a sigh of rapture, who could have
taken him. with his feet cocked up,
and his red tie rakishly askew, for a
And Sally herself was busy disguis?
ing herself, loosening up her hair co
quettishly, smiling the primness out
of the set corners of her mouth and
even?let the truth be told at all costs
?even passing a pink-powdered puff
over her pale cheeks with guilty sur
Thus arrayed she was soon joining
I the conspirators bedecking the bower
for the expected bride and groom. She
was the youngest and most mischiev?
ous of the lot. She felt herself a bride
again, and vowed to protect this timid
little wife to come from too much hi?
larity at the ha:ids of the conspirators.
A Mixed Pickle.
Mrs. Whitcomb had almost blusved
when she had murmured to Lieuten?
"I should think the young couple
would have preferred a stateroom."
And Mr. Hudson had flinched a lit?
tle as he explained:
"Yes, of course. Wo tried to get it,
but it was gone."
It was during the excitement over
the decoration of the bridal section,
that the stateroom-tenants slipped in
First came a fluttering woman
whose youthful beauty had a certain
hue of experience, saddening and
wiserlng. The porter brought her in
from the station-platform, led her to
the stateroom's concave door and
passed in with her luggage. But she
lingered without, a Peri at the gate
of Paradise. When the porter re?
turned to bow her in, she shivered and
hesitated, and then demanded:
"Oh, porter, are you sure there's no?
body else in there?"
The porter chuckled, but humored
?T ain't seen nobody. Shall I look
under the seat?"
To his dismay, she nodded her head
violently. He rolled his eyes in won?
derment, but returned to the state?
room, made a pretense of examination,
and came back with a face full of re?
assurance. "No'm, they's nobody
there. Take a mighty small-size bur?
glar to squeeze unda that bald?er?
berth. No'm, nobody there."
The gasp was so equivocal that he
made bold to ask:
"Is you pleased or disappointed?"
The mysterious young woman was
too much agitated to rebuke the Impu?
dence. She merely sighed: "Oh, por?
ter, I'm so anxious."
"I'm not?now," he muttered, for
she handed him a coin.
"Porter, have you seen anybody on
board that looks suspicious?"
"Evvabody looks suspicious to me,
Missy. But what was you expecting
"Oh, porter, have you seen anybody
that looks like a detective in dis?
"Well, they's one man looks 's if he
was disguised as a balloon, but I don't
believe he's no slooch-hound."
"Well, if you see anybody that looks
like a detective and he asks for Mrs.
"Mrs. Fosdick! You tell him I'm not
on board." And she gave him another
"Yassum," said the porter, linger*
lng willingly on such fertile soil. "I'll
tell him Mrs. Fosdick done give mo
her word she wasn't on bode."
"Yes!?and if a woman should ask
"What kind of a woman?"
'The hideous kind that men call
"OJj, ain't they hideous, them hand?
"Well, if such a woman asks for
Mrs. Fosdick?she's my husband's
first wife?but of course that doesn't
"If she comes?tell her?tell her?
oh, what shall we tell her?"
The porter rubred his thick skull:
"Lemma see?we im^ht say you?I
tell you what we'll t?'!l her: we'll tell
her you took the train for New York;
and it she runs mighty fast, tshe can
just about ketcb it."'
title, tine!" And rhe rewarded
his genius with another coin. "And,
porter" He had not budged. "Por?
ter, if a very handsome man with
lug nous ? j 8 an 1 a soulful smllo aska
'TH th'ow him off the train!"
"Oh, no?no!?that's my husband?
my present husband You may let
him In Now is it all perfectly clear,
"Oh, yassum, clear as Clear." Thus
guaranteed she entered the stateroom,
leaving the porter alone with his prob?
lem. He tried to work it out in a
seml-audible mumble: "Lemma see!
If your present husband's absent wife
gits on boda disguised as a handsome
hideous woman I'm to throw htm?
her?off tho train and let her?him?
come In?oh. yassum. you may rely on
j me." He bowed and held out fcTs
I band. But she was gone. He shuf?
fled on Into the car.
, He had hardly left the little space
before the stateroom when a hand?
some man with luscious eyes, but
without any smile at all, came slink?
ing along the corridor and tapped
j cautiously on the door. Silence alone
I answered him at first, then wnen he
had rapped again, he heard a muf
"Go away. I'm not in."
i He put his lips close and softly
j called: "Edith!"
At this Sesame the door opened a
trifle, but when he tried to enter, a
hand thrust him back and a voice
again warned him off. "You musn't
"But I'm your hrsband."
"That's just why you musn't come
in." The door opened a little wider
to give him a view of a down-cast
"Oh. Arthur,* I'm so afraid."
"Afraid?" he sniffed. "With your
"That's the trouble, Arthur. What
If your former wife should find us to?
"But she and I are divorced."
"In some states, yes?but other
states don't acknowledge the divorce.
That former wife of yours la a fiend
to pursue us this way."
"She's no worse than your former
hu?t>and. He's pursuing us, too. My
c? was as good as yours, my
"Yes, and no better."
Tbe angels looking on might have
Judged from the ready tempers of the
newly married and not entirely un?
married twain that their new alliance
promised to be as exciting as their
previous estates. Perhaps the man
subtly felt the presence of those eter?
nal eavesdroppers, for he tried to end
the love-duel in the corridor with an
appeasing caress and a tender ap?
peal: "But let's not start our honey?
moon with a quarrel."
His partial wife returned the caress
and tried to explain: "I'm not quar?
reling with you, dear heart, but with
the horrid divorce laws. Why, oh,
why did we ever interfere with
He made a brave effort with: "We
ended two unhappy marriages, Edith,
to make one happy one."
"But I'm so unhappy, Arthur, and
so afraid "
He seemed a trifle afraid himself
and his gaze was askance as he
urged: "But the train will start soon,
Edith?and then we shall be safe."
Mrs. Fosdick had a genius for in?
venting unpleasant possibilities. "But
what if your former wife or my for?
mer husband should nave a detective
""A detective??poof!" He snapped
his fingers in bravado. "You are with
your husband, aren't you?"
"In Illinois, yes," she admitted,
very dolefully. "But when we ccme
to Iowa, I'm a bigamist, and when
we come to Nebraska, you're a biga?
mist, and when we come to Wyoming,
we're not married at all."
It was certainly a tangled web they
had woven, but a ray of light shot
through it into his bewildered soui.
"But we're all right in Utah. Come,
He took her by the elbow to escort
her Into their sanctuary, but still she
"On one condition, Arthur?that
you leave me as soon as we cross the
Iowa state line, and not come back
till we get to Utah. Remember, the
Iowa state line!"
"Oh, all right," he smiled. And see?
ing the porter, beckoned him close
and asked with careless indifference:
"Oh, porter, what time do we reach
the Iowa state line?"
"Two fifty-five in the mawning,
"Two fifty-five a, m.?" the wretch
'Two fifty-five a. m., yassah," the
porter repeated, and wondered why
this excerpt from the time-table
should exert such a dramatic effect
on tbe luscious-eyed Fosdick.
He had small time to meditate the
puzzle, for the train was about to be
launched upon Us long voyage. He
went out to the platform, and watched
a couple making that way. As their
only luggage waa a dog basket he sup?
posed that they were simply come to
bid some of his passengers good-bye.
No tips were to >*? expected from
such transients, eo he t llowed them to
help themselves up the steps,
Mallory and his Marjorie had tried
to kiss the farewell or farewells half
a dozen times, but she could not let
him go at the gate She asked tho
guard to let her through, and her
beauty was bribe enough.
Again and again, ?he and Mallory
paused. He wanted to take her back
to the taxicab, but she would not bo
so dismissed. She must spend the
luFt available socoud with him.
"TO go as far as the steps of the
ear." she sr.id. When they were ar?
rived there, two jmrtc.rs. a sleeping
ear conductor and several smoking
Baunterers profaned tno tryst. So she
whispered tha\ she would come
aboard) for the corridor would be a
quiet lane for the last rites
And uow that he had her actually
on tl ti " Mallory*! whole povl re
v-'lte,! against Ltting her go. 'I be
vision ol her standing on tiK> plat?
form sad-eyed and lorn, while the .
train swept him yii Into Bpace was
unendurable. He shut in> <>h aga nsl
It, but It glowed Inrlde the II Is
And then temptation whispered him
its old "Why not?" While it was
working In his soul liko a fermenting
yeast, he was saying:
"To think that wo should owe all
our misfortune to an Infernal taxi
Out of tho anguish or her loneliness
crept one little complaint:
"If you had really wanted me, you'd
have had two '.axiea-ts."
"Oh, how can you say that?' I had
'. the license bought and the minister
"He's waiting yet."
"And the ring?tnere's the ring."
He fished it out of his waistcoat pock?
et and held it before her as a golden
"A lot of good it does now." said
Marjorie. "You won't even watt over
till the next train."
"I've tola you a tnousand times, my
love," he protested, desperately, "if r
don't catch the transport, I'll be court
martialed. If this train is late, I'm.
Rev. Walter Temple.
lost. If you really loved me you'd
come along with me."
Her very eyes gaspecl at this as?
"Why, Harry Mallory, you know It's
Like a sort of benevolent Satan, he
laid the ground for his abduction:
"You'll leave me, then, to spend three
years without you?out among those
She shook her head in terror at
this vision. "It would be too horrible
for words to have you marry one of
those mahogany sirens."
He held out the apple. "Better come
"But how can I? We're not mar?
He answered airily: "Oh, I'm sure
there's a minister on poard."
"But it would be too awful to be
married with all the passengers gawk?
ing. No, I couldnt face it. Good?
She turned away, but caught her
arm: "Don't you love mer*
"To distraction. I'll wait for you,
"Three years is a long wait."
"But I'll wait, if you will."
With such devotion he could not
tamper. It was too beautiful to risk
or endanger or besmirch with any
danger of scandal. He gave up his
fantastic project and gathered her in?
to his arms, crowded her into his very
bouI, as he vowed: "I'll wait for you
forever and ever and ever."
Her arms swept around his neck,
and she gave herself up as an exile
from happiness, a prisoner of a far
. "Good-bye, my husband-to-be.
"Good-bye my wlfe-that-was-to-have
"I must go."
"Yes, you must"
"One last kiss."
"One more?one long last kiss."
And there, entwined in ee.ch other's
arms, with lips wedded and eyelids
clinched, they clung together, forget?
ting everything past future or pres?
ent Love's anguish made taem blind,
mute and deaf.
They did not hear the conductor
crying his "All Aboard!" down the
long wall of the train. They did not
hear the far-off knell of the bell. They
did not hear the porters banging the
vestibules shut They did not feel
the floor sliding out with them.
And so the porter found them, en?
gulfed in one embrace, swaying and
swaying, and no more aware of the
increasing rush of the train than we
other passengers on the earth-express
are aware of its speed through the
ether-routes on Its ancient schedule.
The porter stood with his box-step
in his hand, and blinked and won?
dered. And they did not even know
they were observed.
The starting of the train surprised
the ironical decorators in the last
stages of their work. Their smiles
died out in a puddon shame, as it
came over them that the joke had re?
coiled on th?dr own heads. They had
done their beat to carry out the time
honored rite of making a newly mar*
rlod couple as r.-.i ierabla aa possible?
and the newl) married couple had
failed to do its share
The two lieutenants glared at each
other in mutual contempt. Tbey had
studied much al Waal Point about
ambushes, and how to avoid them.
Could Million have escaped the pit
they bad digged for him? They
looked at tht ir handiwork in disgust
The cosy-corner effect ol white rib?
bons and orange flowere, ^raceiuiiy
masking the concealed rtee-trap, had
seemed the wittiest thins ever de?
vised. Now it loolted the silliest.
The other passengers were eoualry
downcast. Meanwhile the two lovers
in the corridor were kissing good