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V.y--k lfegc i-
it. . Sa- .
The St Johns flegalfl
O. X. Oversew, Publisher , '
Pabliihed Wkly at .
St. Jghng Aiiizoiia
There is 110 pleasure in. loafing unless
you have somethln
Turn agout is not considered fair play
by the. party in the. treadmill.
If all the logs that have been lugged
Into thechley ease are accurate there
. can be jidf urjfcjer aloubt that truth is
. stranger- tffen fiction. -
ranger tfn ficno;
Stf ter alF it- Is. 1
After air, Itr Is. the .old, old. tnemes
that .interest us m'Jst Senator Depew's
..- deription of bis first kiss Is about the
.tsf" - .
"There are more men than women In
this country, but what the latter lack
In numbers they of course more than
make up in excellence.
In point of maturity a horse 10 years
old is said to be the equivalent of a
man of 40. Both ought to have acquir
ed good horse sense at that-age.
' Onie of - the, accomplishments Uncle
S:im will look bact upon with pride is
that of changing the city of Havana
from a pest house to a health resort
The dying.Ameer called his children
about him and warned them to beware
of Russia, which showed that he had
not lived so long without learning a
Henry Vignaux's Investigation Into
Columbus' discovery of America has
the earmarks of a court of Inquiry. He
alleges that Toscanelll's chart is bogus
and hlsletter to Alfonso a fake.
"Household trade" Is a better name
than servant or domestic in a democrat
ic country. In the household trades are
the laundresses, cooks, housemaids,
waiters and waitresses, chambermaids,
A New Jersey pastor was so attentive
to his wife during her illness that
church afl'airs are said to have suffered
thereby. So the members of the con
gregatlon refused to pay him his sal
ary and he has been forced to resign.
A German professor has been figuring
on the matter and finds that it takes
& persou a fourteenth of a second to
wink. Now that this fact has been es
tablished will the professor still fur
ther demonstrate his usefulness to
mankind by settling the question of
the hen and a half, the egg and a half
and the day and a half?
- Look up. "There is nothing succeeds
like success." There is another thing
that approaches it, compel other people
to believe you are successful. Many a
man has redeemed and made a fortune
by keeplncr a "stiff upper lip" before
others. Always narrate your successes,
tell where you have done well and keep
your defeats strictly for homo con
The publisher of a recent American
.work of fiction comes forward with
the further Information that all the
published copies of the book placed end
to end would form a solid band 340,
000 fet long. This leaves no room for
doubt that the work is many miles
ahead of anything else published in re
cent years, but with a knowledge of the
cubic contents a much clearer idea of
its merit would be obtainable.
There Is a tendency to greater re
striction In the practice of medicine.
We have been so free In this country
that we have become enamored, and
justly, of the idea of a man doing
pretty nearly as he pleases. But as our
society has grown older, as cities have
become larger and population denser
we are beginning to see the need of
greater protection against ignorant
practitioners and quacks, because the
general public cannot know things
needed to protect Itself.
Working for a living or in order to
be Independent makes women more
self-reliant The3v llose that clinging
to and leaning upon th man which Is
. bo mucH'admlred inr'the home woman,
and which so-flatters the man's vanity
Irthatiiels willing -to carry the heaviest
kioaa iuat may oe piacea upon nis snoui-
' j3 im.li. iji..i i
uurs. j.m muujjuuueuce una seu-ren-ance
Is: often taken by those who do
not fully understand it as being an
evidence of hardness and even man
nislmess on the part of the woman.
But In almost every instance the heart
of the woman "will be found in the
right place' and as warm and true as
thatx)f any of her sisters.
Almost a thousand years have pass
ed since Eric the lied first sighted the
southern extremity of Greenland. The
northern limit of that vast archipelago
was last year rounded by Lieut Peary,
who thus reached the most northerly
land yet known. Of this feat, which
, Sir Clements Markhani characterizes
Us second only in Importance to reach
ing the pole, Peary writes in a recent
letter: "Considering that I am an old
man (he is only forty-five), with one
broken leg and only three toes, I feel
this was doing tolerably well." Truly,
It takes a man of much performance
to be modest!
Why Is Theodore Roosevelt spoken
of as the twenty-sixth President of the
United States, when he is only the
twenty-fifth, man to hold that office?
Obviously because some one thought
. .essly spoke of President Cleveland,
whose two terms of office were discon
'ected, as the "twenty-second and
twenty-fourth President" of the United
States. .But in a. list of men, not of
ternis of office, should Mr. Cleveland be
assigned two numbers? It is more log
ical to calLhim the twenty-second Pres
ident of the .United States, since he
wasthe same man In both terms, and
acordlngly to call Mr. -Roosevelt the
twenty-fifth President He is filling out
the twentyrninth Presidential term.
The bogus jewelry 4 clause In the en
tertaining official proclamation which
prescribes what- the lords and ladles
,are to wear at King Edward's corona
tion is espedaUyhumorous, We knew
that all Is not gold thatTglitters, but tfc.3
Information that titled' dames para'da
themselves on state occasions decked
lustrings of- bogus pearls, and touched
up with the flashings of glittering paste
I'is quite too painful to be lightly believ
ed. And yet what other construction
can be placed upon the royal warning
to flaunt no counterfeit gems In the
kingly presence? Luckily there is no
embargo placed on any of the other
forms of beauty's enhancement. Pow
der and paint and the elusive upholster
ing of the feminine form will pass cur
rent as heretofore.
There was a time when the tramp
was a man out of work rarely any
thing more. He, was entitled to sym
pathy and aid. He was willing to work
and took to the road because work was
.not to be found in the city or town he
called home. In his heart was a de
sire that caused him to take root where
work and living wages were to be
found. He was a good citizen In hard
luck misnamed a tramp. Then came
a class- of men who had laziness in
their bones. They found charm In a
vagabond existence. They found the
bread of idleness sweet. Work was
a last resort As idleness leads to
crime, many of them became crini
inals. The men who were worth sav
ing searched for work till they found
It, or, if they are still on the highway
that leads from ocean to ocean, they
will keep on searching till they land
where their stout muscles are needed
The others are a menace. They go
South in winter and range the North
ern and Eastern States in the summer.
They are not looking for work. They
are professional tramps, who boast of
the number of trips they have made
across the country. They migrate like
birds, seeking only for sunshine, food
and almost constant rest What to do
with them Is a problem. How to sep
arate the deserving from the profes
sional Is also a problem. The jail is
only a temporary solution. It does not
punish the tramp, for it carries with it
bed and board and long hours of rest
The world owes to every man who is
willing to work a chance to make him
self a good citizen. To the profession
al tourist, the vagabond by nature and
instinct, who only needs opportunity
to become a direct enemy of society, It
owes nothing, not even sympathy.
What poor financiers some men are!
Take the case of a certain Western
judge. His position paid $5,500 a year.
That is not a big salary, but it is a com
fortable income. It will not provide
for a steam yacht or a private car. A
family man cannot splurge to any great
extent on $5,500 a year. But he can live
well and better than the millions. He
can surround himself with comforts
and be happy simply by adjusting his
expenses to make them fit within the
income. But the Judge says "no." He
has thrown up the place, and gives as
a reason that he cannot live on the sal
ary. There is an army of people who
write "can not" for "will not" They
do "not try, and they wreck themselves
on the altar known as "keeping up ap
pearances." That means living a few
notches faster than your finances war
rant It means spending money that
you do not possess. It means debts,
and duns, and worry the kind of wor
ry that makes men look hunted, that
keeps them awake when they should be
sleeping. It shortens life, causes un
happiness and gray hairs, and Is bad
because of its general effect on society,
as well as on the individual. Another
man this time a young fellow wants
to be purged of his debts in a New
York bankruptcy court He couldn't
live on his Income either. He didn't
try. He didn't care. This fashionable
young man was willing that his cred
itors should suffer so long as he was
not troubled, and the referee in his ease
reports that his bankruptcy is the re
sult of "rarely equaled and almost In
credible ignorance and neglect" The
people who are willing to work, and
who do not insist on having luxuries
and comforts that they cannot pay for,
rarely resign good positions or trouble
the bankruptcy courts with their per
A Surprise for Roosevelt.
Vice-President Roosevelt was relat
ing the other dayone of the Incidents
of his life when Governor of the State
of New York. "I had received a large
package by express," he said, "and it
was addressed 'His Excellency the Gov
ernor, Albany, N. IV I thought the
sender of the package was somewhat
formal to address me that way on the
outside of a package, but my surprise
was Increased when I opened the bun
dle. I found a pair of battle axes, a
complete set of daggers and a half
score of old-fashioned blunderbusses.
After examining the weapons I had al
most concluded that some friend
thought another war was in sight
when a messenger appeared with an
order to take the package away. On
asking him the reason the messenger
said that they were theatrical para
phernalia and belonged to 'His Excel
lency the Governor' company." New
Missiou of the Slot Machine.
The dearth of half-penny pieces, or
pieces valued at 2 cents, in Holland,
has caused a new class of merchant to
spring into existence, namely, the half
penny merchant, writes an Amsterdam
correspondent The scarcity of the coin
in question has been caused by the
widespread employment of the auto
matic gas meter, into which the Dutch
housewife puts her half-pence. In the
Netherlands It is the largest copper
coin made, hence the 2V-cent piece or
half-penny Is being used for the gas
meters and automatic machines gen
erally. The Dutch mint does nothing
to ease the scarcity, with the result
that slowly but surely the half-penny
is disappearing from use among the
general public The dealers In these
coins sell them at the rate of one penny
premium for every twenty coins, or 10
per cent profit Cleveland Plain Deal
Herr Krupp's Income
Baron Krupp, the head of the great
gun works, has declared his annual in
come for the purpose of taxation to be
1,000,000. His fortune Is valued at
9,000,000. There are 80,000 employes
of the Krupp works, and of this number
65,000 are workmen and 15,000 clerks.
Poets are born, but verse writers
grow of their own accord.
A Photographic Accomplice
R. MOURDOFF," said the pros
ecuting attorney, "tell the story
of the murder, just as you saw
The witness, a small, nervous man,
took a new position on his chair, hesi
tated a moment and then began to
The audience in the court room wait
They were of the usual types the
Idle spectators, the sensation seekers,
the newspaper reporters, and the score
of unclnssnWe individuals who go to
make up suen a udinopolitan throng.
The trial had dragged heavily until
now, and had been a mere battle of
lawyers; but with the advent of a new
witness interest had been awakened,
which had reached the feverish point
when it was found that he knew the
minute details of the crime.
Consequently, wheA he began to
speak, the silence was painful.
"I am a photographer by profession,"
said Mourdoff in starting, "and am
particularly interested in out'door work.
Often I take a landscape camera and
wander through the woods, impressing
upon the sensitive film the more beau
tiful and delicate bits of nature, thus
bringing into my studio the fragments
of the artistic forest
"One Saturday afternoon by refer
ence to notes I find It was the 12th of
July last I started on one of my regu
"I remember the day was a perfect
one, and the whole plant world seem
ed clothed in holiday attire. After so
curing a number of excellent views I
turned towards home, but stopped with
an exclamation of delight as I beheld
one of the prettiest, daintiest glades
"Quickly setting up my tripod, I fo
cused the camera until the clear im
print of the scene was visible upon the
THAT MAM 8
ground glass behind. I was about to
take the picture, when I heard the
sound of rapidly approaching footsteps
and angry voices.
"Now, in order to secure the proper
distance effect, I had been obliged to
set up my camera behind some bushes,
through which, luckily for me, there
was a small opening.
"Although this afforded a sufficient
sight of my choice woodland scenery,
yet none save a close observer would
have seen anything, if looking from
the other side. Hence. I decided to let
whoever might be coming pass by,
while I awaited their departure before
taking the photograph.
"Sinking back into the couch of lux
uriant grass and leaves, I idly watched
for the newcomers.
"A tall, muscular man presently step
ped Into sight, and was soon followed
by a second. Both resumed the quar
rel of a minute before as they paused
In the open space, neither of then! con
scious that they had an unwilling lis
'The men were too far away for me
to hear just what they were saying,
but I gathered that there was some
trouble concerning money matters,
which they were unable to settle. I did
not care to be an eavesdropper, and so
was about to proclaim my presence,
when. I heard one of them sneerlngly
remark that if he wished to be a thief
he would follow the other's example,
but that for his part the reputation
was not an enviable one.
His companion said nothing a si
lence, the dangerous intensity of which
did not then comprehend; and the
two turned to go. As they did so I
pushed aside the branches and glanced
at their faces, only to see two stran
gers, one of whom was the prisoner
who sits there.
"A cloud was rapidly obscuring the
sun, and as I desired the picture to be
well lighted, I made ready to open the
lens as soon as the men were out of
"Standing with my back to the glade,
I carefully adjusted the delicate me
chanism of the camera, and soon had
all in readiness to snap It
"Suddenly there was a sharp, ringing
report behind me. .1 whirled quickly
around, and in the motion gave the
rubber bulb In my hand a faint pres
sure, without realizing what I was do
ing; and only discovered, when I
heard the metallic click of the shutter,
as It closed after its Instantaneous
movement, .that I had taken the pho
tograph! "When my startled senses came back
to me I saw a bleeding form lying on
the ground, while a few yards away a
man was running.
"The body which lay on the thick,
green grass was that of a man whose
death caused this trial; and the cow
ardly, fleeing assassin, the man who
would not face the consequences of his
deed, was the prisoner, John Evans."
The witness took a glass of water,
wiped his heated brow, and looked
The spectators, too Interested to
tnink, gaspingly drew back In their
chairs. The prisoner, a handsome,
honest-appearing man, sat motionless
"That night," said Mr. Mourdoff, re
suming his narrative, "I developed the
6iate that was in the camera, and you
may be sure I watched with Interest
llfid hope fis' the pidtufe gradually be
gin io form.
"Bit by bit the trees came out; the
long shadows deeply indented the glass
in their reverse color of pure white
the guass, like a bunch of tangled
thread, gathered into a discernible
mass; and then, last of all, the two
men's images stood out on the dull
"By means of a solution of alcohol I
dried the negative at once, and by us
ing a developing paper, I soon had a
"The photograph is more than a mere
curiosity,; it is the study of a crime. On
It you can see undeniable proof of that
man's guilt; see the manner of the kill
Ing; see the already dying victim.
"That is the extent of my knowledge
of this murder."
In a dazed, uncertain fashion, the
man on trial for his life gazed at the
photograph which the lawyer held In
his hand. .
He seemed unable to comprehend the
story, and his eyes beseechingly asked
for a glance at the picture which he
could not understand.
But the prosecuting attorney had
fame and a name yet to gain, and
heeded not the pleading now expressed
in the mute, quivering mouth; what
difference could it make, at any rate?
The picture was a remarkably dis
Before a background of tangled trees,
merging into the matted grass at their
base, stood two men; one with an ex
ploding rifle In his hand, was on the
extreme right; and the other, on the
left side, was falling, his arms thrown
up In a way that left no doubt as to
the human target his companion 'had
chosen. The murderer, whose calm
face harmonized with his cool firing,
was unquestionably the present pris
oner, John Evans. The other was the
man who had been found dead with a
bullet in his forehead.
The first of the twelve jurymen hold
out his ban dand took the photograph.
For a moment he gazed critically at
the bit of cardboard, then a grim look
of determined duty overspread his face
a look which caused the attorney for
the State to lean comfortably back and
wreath his face in a contented smile.
One after another of the jury passed
the picture on to his neighbor, some
with pitying glances at the puzzled
prisoner, some with the loathing for
him clearly shown in their shrinking
countenances; but one and all with an
unmistakable verdict plainly written
on their persons.
A short half hour later the jury filed
back into the court room, and the fore
man stood up.
"We find the prisoner guilty of mur
der in the first degree, as charged,
was all he said.
Wrapped in an outer covering of
heavy paper, the Governor one day re
ceived an envelope bearing the Inscrlp
tion, "To be sent to the Governor of
the State after my death."
Inside was a signed and duly attested
confession, which read,
"In the late Evans murder trial I,
Robert Mourdoff, gave false testimony
in regard to the killing of Andrew Cor
don. In this confession, which shall be
read only after my death I wish to
state that I was the murderer of An
drew Cordon. The photograph dis
played in court was an elaborate affair
which I made skillfully, I congratu
late myself and It had no real value at
"For years Cordon ag I have been
enemies. I hated him and he hated me,
although to the world we were casual
friends. I murdered him on that fate
ful Saturday, July 12th.
"How was It done? I'll tell you.
"During the past year many dealers
in photographic goods have offered for
sale a little article, under the name of
'multiplying attachment,' which en
ables the operator of a camera to take
two pictures on the same plate.
"It is a small, round instrument to fit
over the lens, and as one side only has
a hole in it, but one-half of the photo
graph is taken at once. Then, by re
volving the openenig at the opposite
side, the other portion may be com
pleted, with no dividing line where the
"For instance, in my studio I have a
view of a house, with two young men
on the lawn. As a matter of fact, there
Is but one man photographed twice, yet
most people pride themselves on recog
nizing that the gentlemen are twins.
"Again, I have two deadly enemies
bowing politely to each other seeming
ly. I first persuaded one to have his
picture taken, and then, a few days
later, enticed the other to be photo
graphed while bowing.
"Of course I took number one on one
portion of the film, and number two on
the other; but the effect is a continuous
photograph which engages both when
they see It
"First begging your pardon for such
a lengthy explanatlonwhich you will
grant to a man who will be dead when
you read this I have determined to re
veal the whole story.
"I deliberately planned and executed
the murder, and I can tell of the crime
in a very few words.
"On that day in July I left the studio,
taking with me a multiplying attach
ment, and went to a place where I
knew both Evans and Cordon would
come during the afternoon.
"Evans was the first to arrive, and he
halted In front of my camera, as I ex
pected (having set up a dead quail a
few yards away). Carefully aiming at
it he fired fired just as I snapped the
shutter Into position; and half of my
photograph was completed.
' "Cordon came soon after for a drink
at the little spring, and I went forth
to meet him. We quarreled; we always
did when we met; but to-day I gave In,
and he was elated poor devil! By
some adroit maneuvering I placed him
in position, and told him to remain
there while I secured a view of the
scenery, with human life a most need
ed requisite of outdoor work in it
He objected to doing a favor for me
at first, but finally consented in a surly
way to stand still for a second. Then I
went behind the bushes to my camera,
turned tHe multiplier, picked up my
rifle and shot him killed him Instant-.
ly, I think; and as he fell I exposed the
other half cf my negative.
"The photograph was taken; on one
side Evans stood aiming a gun, on a
line with the rifle on the opposite side
"was Gordon, falling dead. The thing
was complete to the smallest details.
"What a triumph for photography!
Art conquering truth!
"I need only to add that Evans pro
posed to, and was accepted by, the
girl already engaged to me. I loved
her as I never loved before or since
and it happened five years ago.
"You know how I felt; Evans had
ruined me; 1 must ruin him. But I no
longer feel the bitterness towards him
that I once did. I think he has suf
fered enough already forthe Injury ho
did me, and I think he should gofree.
"I understand he is to be hanged next
month; and to-night I die by my own
hand, so there will be ample time to
"Once more I wish to say, John
Evans is Innocent; I murdered Cordon.
I am going to have witnesses to my
signature, and after that "
The Governor laid down the confes
sion in horror. Owing to a change in
arrangements Evans had met death on
the scaffold the day before. The Ar
gosy. COST OF KEEPING CLEAN.
One of the Masculine Gender Keeps
"Did you ever stop to think about
how much It costs a man to keep
clean, to keep In what the world would
call a presentable condition?" asked
a rather fastidious gentleman yester
day, who also has an eye to the eco
nomical side of life.
"It is no small thing when you come
to think about it and Independent of
the things a man Is required to buy dur
ing the year, the bill will run up to a
rather neat sum. Men are forced to
buy many things which are never count
ed in the cost of living when he foots
up the bill at the end of the year, and
yet they tell in the aggregate when It
comes to his bank account and his in
come generally. But I was thinking of
the plain, ordinary proposition of keep
ing one's self clean. Take, for instance,
the matter of laundry. The average
cost to a single man is at least 50 cents
a week, and frequently the bill runs
much above this figure. Clean clothes
on this basis will cost $26 a year. Then
there is a fellow's barber bill, the cost
of shaves, shampoos, hdlr cuts and
shines, and baths, and all these things
tend to run the bill up.
"Supposing that a man will take two
shaves every week, and this Is the av
erage, this would make a total of 104
shaves during the year, and at the mini
mum price of 10 cents for each shave
It would amount at the end of the year
to $10.40. Baths, on an average of one
each week, and at a cost of 25 cents
for each bath, would cost $13 a year.
If he averages two shines a week at a
minimum of 5 cents for each shine, the
bill will amount to $5.20 for a year.
One hair cut a month, at the rate of
25 cents, and one shampoo, at the same
fate, would amount to $0.
"Taking these things, and allowing
for tips and things of that sort, it will
be seen that a man will spend probably
$75 every year in keeping clean, and
when you come to think of this amount
It will really clothe the average fellow
who makes no effort to keep up with
the changes which mark the course of
fashion. As a matter of fact, there are
a great many men who do not spend
this much for clothes during the year.
It may be safely estimated that the
average man spends more In actually
keeping his body and his clothes clean
than he does for the things which clothe
his body, and these things manage to
keep his bank account down to that ex
tent." New Orleans Times Democrat
THE DECLINE OF UNCAS.
The Last of the "Wild Cattle of Amer
ica and Europe.
Last year the rumor wept round that
there might be a herd of, say fifteen,
wild wood-bfson in the wooded wilder
ness of northwestern Canada, but this
is generally believed now to be an un
founded rumor, and America Is without
its wild bison. There are some of
these huge ungulates In 'captivity, but
these are mostly crosses of domestic
cattle and the children of the former
"lord of the plains." At present gen
uine buffalo heads, horns and hides
are very valuable, and the specimen
which has been prepared for the Phila
delphia Zoological Society by David
McCadden is worth several hundred
dollars. When we look back and sec
that less than thirty years ago, In 1872-
73 and '74, from 6,000,000 to 10,000,000
buffalo were slain on our western
plains for their hides, it seems not In
credible that this tribe should be so
effectually wiped out
Few Americans are aware of the fact
that at one time Europe was roamed
over by an animal very like our buffa
lo, says the Philadelphia Record. Piny
and other early writers termed it the
bonassus" and to naturalists It Is
known to-dny as "bison bonassus,"
while his American congener Is called
bison bison." But Europe still has Its
wild bison, while America has not. The
European bison bonassus now lives In
the forest' of Blalowlcza in Lithuania,
where it Is protected by the Czar of
Russia and. roams wild in the Caucasus.
It is a powerful, savage brute; which
stands six feet In height and measures
eleven feet In length. The angry bo
nassus puts out his dark-red tongue,
rolls his red eyes and dashes with fury
at the object of his wrath. An old
bull ruled for a long time over the road
running through the forest of Blalow
lcza and did much damage. He stop
ped carriages or sleighs, especially
those laden with hay. If the peasants
threatened him he charged and threw
the sleigh over. Horses were terrified
at the sight of him and seemed to lose
Oftenest Lame" on the Left Side.
Eighty-five per cent of the people
who are lame are affected on the left
Some time In her life every, rich girl
puts on a fancy apron and cap, and
waits on the table at a church fair, and
doesn't see why the life of a restaurant
girl is.so hard. t
It takes 1 tiirie 6.teduS"th
swelling lii a mail's head. " 3
HUM0E OF THE WEEK
.STORIES TOLD BY FUNNY MEN
OF THE PRESS.
Odd,' Cnrions and Imuuhable Phases
of Human Nature Graphically Por
trayed by Eminent Word Artists of
Oar Own Day A Budget of Fan.
"I wish I dared to ask you some
thing, Miss Millie," said Archey, with
trembling voice and wabbling chin.
"Why don't you dare to ask it?" the
maiden said, demurely.
"Because I can see 'no in your eyes."
"Inboth of, them?"
"Well, don't you don't you know
two negatives are equivalent to an
no w dare you, sir! Take your arm from
around my waist, instantly!''
- But he didn't Chicago Tribune.
R iised 'i5m bv Hand.
Hubbubs I suppose you raise
your own vegetables?
Subbubs Yes; when the dumb wait
er isn't out of order. Philadelphia
Woman You say you have no home
and no family; well, if you will clean
up the yard, whitewash the fence and
saw and split that pile of wood,
might be willing to
Tramp Excuse me, madam, this is
not leap year. Good day.
"Shoes and bathing suits," said the
janitor philosopher, "are things women
always get too small for them." Chi
"Sue declares that she is single from
choice," said Miss Kittish.
"But did she say whose choice?'
asked Miss Frocks.
In the Ballroom.
She Do you dance, Mr. Sklggleton?
He (modestly) Well, my teacher said
I did when I left the academy, but
those ladies I have danced with since
express a different opinion.
Lack of Confi lence.
Assistant Is the meaning of this
poem absolutely incomprehensible to
Magazine Editor Absolutely! You're
going to accept it, aren't you?
"Oh. yes. But I wasn't willing to
trust my own judgment." Life.
A Friendly Tip,-
Biggs I wonder what makes my
eyes so weak 7
DIggs I don't know, unless it's be
cause they are in a weak place. Chica
go News. ' '--'
"Amiable people are often so exas
"Yes; I wonder if that Is what makes
them feel so amiable." Detroit Free
His Way of Traveling.
Representative Nue what ao. you
consider the most convenient and eco
nomical way to travel?
Senator Pulem On a pass.
Blowitz Hear about my luck? I got
a job six weeks ago at $30 a week with
a promise of $40 after the first month
If my work was satisfactory.
Newitt Too bad! What are you do
At the Hospital.
"To be sure," said the kindly, minis
ter to the man who had lost both his
legs In a railway accident, "you have
been seriously Injured, but you must be
grateful that your life is spared."
"Yes," said the sufferer, trying to
look cheerful. "I can't kick." Somer
As Usual. A
Mrs. Von Blumer That cook was the
worst thing I ever had- in my house.
Von Blumer Yes, you acted , as if
you didn't like her.
"I couldn't help it Wh it was all
I could, do.to write her out" a good rec
Another Compliment Gone "Wroncr. "
"This pie is excellent," said the min
ister," who had been Invited out to tea,
and Mrs. Bjerikins, being a church
member, had to swallow her pride and
"Yes, I got it at the baker's." Somer
Owninsr Up. .
Miss Jimplecute Are you fond
animals, Mr. Wyndham? '
Mr. WyndhamWell, I. like spring
lamb Somenville Journal.
Bat Not from Her.
"Well, what on earth did he marry
"And he didn't get even that?"
"Oh, yes, from his friends." Phila
Muggins Do you believe that a hus
band and wife gradually absorb each
other's characteristics and become as
Buggins Certainly. When I first
married my wife she didnt bate a
flecktte io net name Philadelphia
Kne-w: How to Manage Her.
Bingo (tiptoeing into his wife's" room,
in a whisper) I've brought three
friends home to dinner, unexpectedly.
Mrs. Bingo (aghast) What!
Bingo Yes, I have. They're down
Mrs. Bingo You wretch!
Bingo Notv, my dear. I eouldnpget.
out of It! '
Mrs. Bingo (haughtily Then youM
have to take the consequences.
Bingo Butf-r- y
Mrs. BingOH-You'll have to put up
with practically nothing.. '
Bingo That's what I told them.
Mrs. Bingo Yon did$:" :
Bingo Yes. I told'thVm that they
needn't expect a single thing that
we'd scrape around in the kitchen If
necessary and pick aip whatever we
could: And that, as I-fiadht let you
know, that : was" the ! best wk could do.
Mrs. Bingo What did-you tell them
Bingo-It's the truth-, isn't it?
Mrs. Bingo Certainly 'hot! As If it
makes any difference to. me. how many
friends you bring horned I'll show
you! Puck. v
What Her HatCoat.
"How do you like my new hat?" ask
ed the first woman. of the other at the
matinee. "The total cost was only
$20." - -
"Pardon me, madame," chimed in the
disgusted man behind,, "but you should
include the price of my seat, which
makes the total $21.50." Philadelphia
The Only Danger. - '- "H.
"The 4 o'clock train!. I thought you
said 6 o'clock. It Is after. 2 nowr-.Cly
shall not have time to pack and dress l"1
"There's plenty of timW my; deirrf .
you don't hurry." Life.- ' '
"Sportleigh Is bound to be in style,
Isn't he?" .
"Oh, yes! He'd rather "bem style
than out of debt!" Puck.54'' 5
, f .
Proof Positive. . T
Husband Who was that at the door
Wife Oh, only a tramp from Boston!
Husband Did he say he was from-Boston?
Wife No; but Insteadof..asking for
something to eat ne wantearo snow -u
... . . . , '. . .a
I could oblige him with an old pair o!
spectacles. Chicago News.
A Truthful Sou;
Mother You've been fighting again!
Jimmy No, ma, honest! I ildn't git
a chanst to put up me hands!- -.
Her Glad Surprise.
'I have found out one thing about
my husband," said the bride, who had
been married before, "that- surprises
Her friend moved up a little nearer,
so that they could whisper, and asked:
What Is It?"
"His salary Is just as big as he told
me it was." Chicago Record-Herald.
Not Killed Yet.
TCvmrnrlrl (nffpr hi a 'frihV
prlsinc the number of poor marksmen
who go hunting In Maine. '
Shellev How do vou know?
Nymrodd Why, I met three?guldr;
who were over 50 years old. Puct.
Traveling Acaualntance--I ?ifioodift
au 4. 4.-U j v..i .at
tate for better service.
Commuter We do, at times, butT
merely gets us agitated. Puck.
A Commercial View of It. ,.t .
"You seem to hold my klss 'very' ?
cheap," pouted .the pretty maidea.- i&
Why not?" remarked the 'airy young J
broker. "Sugar Is away . down again,- .
you know." Cleveland Plain Dealer.
Imagery Run "Wilui, ; .
Muggins Is your wife fond. .of. fic
Buggins Well, she seems to read a
lot of cook books. Philadelphia 'Rec
ord. . -
The Outlook;.,1 . ."X
To-morrow does not worry men
Through all its tricks of hope I see;
Vain, too, its effort to dismay y '
'Twill be just this same old to-day, t-
Thoutrhtful. , '&
"Say, boss," he began, "I don't want
no money, i oniy asir ye ter pass me
Inter dat lunch joint" and buy me' a
square meal." ...
"Poor man!" exclaimed the .philan
thropist "I can't do that, but the n.ext
man you ask may, so-here's a'p'epsln
tablet In- case" .you overeat yourself)
Philadelphia Press. . .: . r
The Objection to-Novelty. "-"-
At humorous things I fain would roar;
A iest. 1 truly prize it.
But, i weve .never met before?-'
How shall I recognize, it 7 -
Twelys Business -'Maxims. "ri
The president of the London. Cham
ber of Commerce gives twelve maxims
hich he has. tested through years of
business experience, and which herec--
ommends as tending to Insure success;:
1. ' Have a definite aim. ' . ,
2. . Go straight for It' :",ie
3. Master all details. -
4. Always know more than.-you ;are
expected to know. . ... . -
5.' Remember that difficulties' are
only made -to overcome;''
G. Treat failures as .stepping-stones
to' further effort.
7. Never put your hand but further
than, you can draw It 1ack.
8. At times be bold; always prudent
0. The minority often beats the maj
jority in the end. ' .-
10. ' Make good use of other awfa's
11. Listen well; answer cautiously;
12. Preserve, by all means in your
power, "a sound mind In a sound body.
Maine has 175 factories la wale flia
and vegetables are canned.
, mmmr i ' ' iw IP