Newspaper Page Text
at > ar/z. CLEVELAND.
The Silver Question DUcusned in Connection
With the Xato Letter of President Cleveland !
Washington dispatch : The' friends of silver
in the bouse , .while at first inclined tojnako a
formal reply to the letter of President-elect
Cleveland , since it has been given to the pub
lic , decided at a conference held this evening
to reply openly to thjsc parts with which they
do not agree. They say they did not invite a
controversy , but , on the contrary , were anxious
to avoid it. They also say it was not until-it
had become known ihat a determined effort
was being made to Induce the president-elect
to commit himself and his administration In
advance to the gold side of the currency ques
tion that they decided merely to ask him not
to commit himself until his cabinet had been
formed , and both sides of the question could
be considered. They believe , however , in the
independence of the legislative branch of the
government , and assert they will at all times
maintain it. They furnish the following as a
statement of their views :
In the letter no distinction is made between
silver coinage and silver bullion. While It Is
true that the silver bullion , which is excluded
from coinage and consequently from monetary
use , is worth less ( In the ratio of 10 to 1) ) than
85 per cent of the gold dollar , silver coins ,
which are admitted to monetary to use the
same as gold , are equal in value to gold coin.
The silver dollar will exchange for as much as
a gold dollar. It will even buy the gold with
which cold dollars mav be made. France , with
a population of 80,000,000 and territory not
as large as Texas , has in circulation 5000,000-
000 silver with $580.000,000 gold , while we have
' but $200,000,000 full-tender silver to over
$600,000,000 in gold. Altogether $1,300,000,000
silver coins , at a ratio of 15.1 to 1 , arc held in
circulation in Europe , side by side with $2GOO-
000,000 , gold Of paper and silver together ,
including silver certificates , we have less than
$750,000,000 , which shows that In this country
there is more gold-tban paper , and ncarlv ' three
times as much gold as silver. With th'ls pro
portion in our currency , and with gold and sil
ver equally full tender for everything , it is diffi
cult to understand why the secretary of the
treasury might not , if he chose to do so , payout
out more silver and less gold. Of course , i'f
while receiving into the treasury United States
notes , silver and silver certificates , gold or gold
certificates , he pays out only gold , his stock of
gold would diminish. If , on the other hand ,
he should pay out more silver and paper and
Jess gold , the character of the reserve in the
treasury would control the secretary.
There would be no need for a legal tender
If one who receives money be permitted to
choose the kind we will have. That silver and
silver certlficatecs displace gold is true , but
only as treasury or bank notes displace it.
The withdrawal of a hundred millions of bank
notes , or the issuance of a hundred millions ,
has the same effect on gold as so much in sil
ver or silver certificates. Why has it never
been proposed to withdraw the national bank
notes as a means of preventing tbe expulsion
ofjgold ? To the proposition that there now
exfstj.or ever have existed under our constitu
tion , obligations specifically payable jn gold ,
the silver men feel it their solemn dutv to en
ter their most emphatic dissent at the very
outset of a discussion of the question. No
such obligations exist or ever did exist. Web
ster said : "Gold and silver at rates fixed by
congress constitute a legal standard of value
In this country , and neither congress nor any
state has authority. , to establish any other
standard or to displace this. " One act to
ttS strengthen the public credit , approved March
18 , 1809 , solemn'y pledged the United States
to the pavment of bonds in coin. The refundIng -
Ing act of July 14 , 1870 , provided for the pay
ment of all refunding bonds in coin , of their
present standard value , which is the same as
the present value. The resumption act of
Jan. 14 , 1S75. provides that from and after
January Jan. 1 , 1879 , the secretary of the
treasury should redeem in coin the outstand
ing legal-tender notes. By the act of Feb. 28 ,
1878 , providing for the resumption ol the coin
age of the standard dollar , the silver dollars
were made legal tender for all debts and dues ,
public and private , unless otherwise expressly
stipulated in the contract ; and there is not a
public obligation outstanding , and never was ,
containing a stipulation of payment in gold.
In January , 1878 , congress adopted the follow
ing concurrent resolution , offered by Stanley
Matthews , then senator , now on the supreme
That all bonds of the United States issued or
authorized to be issued under the acts of con
gress hereinbefore recited are payable , princi
pal and interest , at the option of the govern
ment of the United States , in silver dollars of
tbe coinage of the United States , containing
412J grains each of standard silver , and that
to restore to its coinage such silver coins as
legal tender. In payment of said bonds , prin
cipal and interest , is not in violation of the
public faith , nor in derogation of the rights
of the public creditor.
The opinions of secretaries of the treasury
from 1878 down are referred to as authority.
The opinions are valuable when supported by
facts and sound reasons , but ought not to control -
trol unless they are. It cannot "be forgotten ,
however , that these same secretaries have
steadily predicted what has not taken place.
The friends of silver concur in the opinion
that it is desirable to maintain and continue
in use the mass of our gold coin , as ( veil as the
mass of silver alrcadycoined. They agree , too ,
Kfe- 1 that it is of momentous importance to prevent -
( vent the two metals from parting company.
But they have already -arted company , under
; the influence of silver demonetization'in other
: countries , and the hostility of the treasury and
: banks to silver in tJiis , but that the continued
. coinage of silver at the rate of 528,000,000 a
' year will drive gold out of circulation In the
near future , orlorce it to a premium , does not
r to them seem to be sustainedby facts or sound
reasoning. The total volume of currency in
4 the United States , outside of gold , is less than
. $750,000,000. It is believed to be a principle
of economic science , perfectly well settled ,
that if a volume of $750,000,000 is not sufli-
! dent in itself to maintain prices in this country -
try at the level of international prices , then
"gold will come here and stay here in sufficient
amount to make , with the volume already in
circulation , \fhat will constitute our distribu-
'tive share of the world's money as determined
' by our international trade. That § 750,000,000
"is not a sufficient volume to maintain prices at
! the world's level of prices is evidenced by the
fact that $000,000,000 in gold , a considerable '
part of which is in circulation , either'in the
form of coin or certificates , now stays here ,
and it will go away only when prices become
lower elsewhere than they are here.
It is believed , therefore , that no such crisis
as has been foreboded can overtake us under
r.-e the existing conditions. It is not believed to
be in the power of all the banks in the coun
try , even if they were so disposed , to take the
gold out of circulation and Tiold it for any
length of time at a premium. They must first
lockup the world's money and arrest the
world's commerce. Nor can paper or silver
certificates now in circulation side by side
with gold expel gold. The gold can be ex
pelled onlv by forcing into circulation , in ad
dition to $750,000,000 , either silver or paper
equal to the entire volume of gold now in cir
culation. In that manner , under Gresham's
law , gold might be expelled , and probably
would be. It is doubtless true , too , that if
the population and wealth of this country
were at a stand , then the continued coinage of
silver in sufficient volume would in time expel
gold .from circulation , but as long as the pop
ulation and wealth go on increasing , then the
conditions oi the problem are changed. In
fact in order to preserve a stable ratio be
tween the money volume and the population
and -wealth in annual increase , not less than
$40,000,000 currency of some kind is now re-
auired. In other words , the : increase _ of the
population and wealth calls for an addition to
our circulation of at least $40,000,000 a year.
If , while these conditions continue , silver is
coined at the rate only of $38,000,000 a year ,
there is left still a considerable void to be
filled with gold. This Is tbe reason why gold
has Increased in the countrv steadily since the
ninM a rhi rfll "nq n
act of 1878 ii UH
price of silver bullion and gradually to appre
ciate the value of gold tbe world over. The
difficulties in the way of establishing an Inter
national ratio , BO much desired , or of tho'read-
justmcnt of the relative value to gold here
would thereby be increased. How it is possible
for such things to take place as are predicted
In the last paragraph of the letter it is
difficult to sec. Gold is to be withdrawn to iU
hoarding places , followed by an unprecedented
contraction in the actual volume of our cur
rency. Such a contraction , it has been shown ,
muct be followed by p , great "fall of prices.
What then ? Would not gold flow hero as
tides flow ? Surely it would come as fast as
ships could bring It. What would those who
have been hoarding gold do with it then ?
Labor , the letter says , already greatly de
pressed , would suffer still further depression
by the scaling down of the purchasing powe
of every so-called dollar paid into the hand o
toll. Here in one sense we have gold hoarded ,
unprecedented contraction , fall of prices , and
scaling down of the purchasing power of the
dollar. That is , when these impending
calamities come , prices are to fall , everything
becomes cheaper , and money becomes less
valuable at the same time. That is. both
sides of the balance go down together. Usually
one side goes up and the other down ; usually
the commodities becom'e cheaper , money be-
somes relatively dearer aud vice versa ; usually
a contraction of the money volume results in a
rise in the value of money and not in a fall.
The contradictions involved in this paragraph
of the letter are hardly calculated to carry
conviction to those who have ever studied the
money question at all , or to awaken in them
any sense of alarmat our approaching
calamities fro such causes.
In one thine all will agree , and that is In the
importance to the whole country , and especial
ly to the laboring classes now strugcing with
want , of the revival of business and tne re
action of prosperity. The one condition es
sential to this is to stop the contraction of
currency. No country ever did thrive , and
never can , while its money was under
going contraction. Business cannot be secure
when Its foundation is constantly giving way.
Stability in the volume of money is the one
essential to safe and prosperous business.
What Is the monetary condition of the world
to-day ? Are we not brought face to face with
the startling fact that the gold production of'
the world has fallen below its consumption in
the arts , and that there is no probability of
any new gold for the money supply for cen
turies to come ? With this condition of thintrs
as to cold , shut off silver , ' as is now proposed1 , '
and where is the money supply , even for keeping -
ing up the stock of coin now in the hands of
he world to come from ? As aggravating to
this state of affairs In this country , the paper
currency is undergoing contraction by
the surrender of bank notes. If this
state of things is to last , upon what Is there
to build the hope of returning prosperity ? In
the last three years , according to the London
Economist , prices have fallen more than 20 per
cent that is , money has appreciated In that
ratio. In the quarter century following the
gold discoveries of California and Australia ,
the stock of precious metal in use as money
was increased nearly 40 per cent. The trade
and commerce oE Great Britain and the United
Stales during the same period increased more
than four fold , and wealth proportionately.
Reverse these conditions , shut off all money
supply , and what room for hope is there for
mankind , except for those whose incomes are
sure ? With' the appreciation of money all
debts appreciate , when it is remembered
that sucli diibts run into tens of billions
more than the entire present wealth of the
United States the vast consequences of the
appreciation of money arc seen. The control
of feudal lords over the earth in the middle
ages was Insignificant compared with the con
trol the modern kings and lords , who , through
legislation , can secure an Increase in the value
of money. It can be shown that It will take
more labor , or more of the produce of labor ,
to pay what remains of our own national debt
now than it would have taken to pay it all at
tbe close of the war. Eighteen million bales
of cotton were eqvivalent in value to the entire
interest-bearing debt in 1803 , but it will take
35,000,000 bales at the price of cotton now to
pay the remainder of the debt. Twenty-five
million tons of bar iron would have paid the
whole debt in 1805. It will take 35,000,000
tons to pay what remains , after all that has
been paid as principal and interest.
In view of the Tast interests involved the
friends of silver did not think it too much' to
ask that the question of stopping the coinage
of silver should not be separated Irom its rela
tion to the whole currency question and acted
upon by itself. The currency question , it is
believed , at the present time overshadows all
other questions , and all the "friends of silver
have asked is that the president-elect should
[ rive it full consideration and hear both sides
before committing his admin'stration to any
particular view respecting it
In the senate on the 9ih the resolution of
Van Wyck making Inquiry of the secretary of
tne interior in regard to the issuance of
patents to the "Back-Bone" road was laid be-
Van Wyck spoke at considerable length.
of the "Back-Bone"
Be detailed the history -
road and its "mysterious record , " which , he
said , formed the most remarkable chapter in
railroad annals. He characterized the matter
as a fraud , gotten up in the interests of Gould
and Huntington. It was claimed , he said ,
that there was a special meeting of the cabi
net to legalize the schemel He wished to be
Informed whether the actual settlers on the
land in question had any advocate there and
whether their rights had been protected. In
referring to the opinion of the attorney gen
eral , Van Wyck said , as the interests of Gould
and Huntington were ably represented while
no one appeared for the people , the decision
of that official was very naturally in favor of
the former. The ingenuity of the attorney
ceneral , he said , was valuable to suggest
aoubts where none existed and then resolved
those doubts In favor of the corporation.
Replying to Van Wyck , Teller said he must
confess to considerable astonishment on pick
ing up a resolution so discourteous , so unsen-
atorial as this , to a co-oroinato branch of the
government -He supposed it had accom
plished the purpose for which it was intro
duced. It enabled the mover of the resolution
to appear before the public In his role of cham
pion of the laboring classes. He presumed the
senator introducing the resolution expected
nothing more. If Teller might be permitted
to refer to himself , he would say that by his
rulings in the interior department he had done
more for the settlers on the public lands than
the senator from Nebraska ( Van Wyck ) had
done in his lifetime of public service.
In-the senate on the 10th the resolution of
fered bv Hoar that Blair be sworn in as sena
tor to dll a vacancy was taken up and a long
discussion followed. The legislature which is
to elect a senator from New Hampshire will
ootmeet until June next. The point was
raised by Ingalls that the question at issue
bad a significant bearing upon the senatorial
racancy in Illinois and Oregon. After fur
ther deoate the resolution was agreed to yeas
30. nays 10.
The only departure from a diversion upon
party lines was in the case of Jones ( Fla. ) ,
who voted in the affirmative with the. republi
cans. The oath was then administered to
Blair and the senate adjourned
In the senate on the 12th Manderson offered
3 , resolution calling upon the secretary of
state for such information as that department
may have regarding the rumored confedera
tion of states in Central America.
Senator George presented the credentials of
Walthall as senator from Mississippi , vice
rice Lamar , resigned , and Walthall took the
oath.The senate adjourned without executive ses
sion and without executing any nominations
from the president.
In the senate on the 13th Senator Cameron
jffered a resolution naming the chairmen and
members of the senate committees as agreed
upon "by the caucuses , and asked immediate
consideration. Agreed to.
Installs offered a resolution calling upon the
presldent/7r Information in regard to the oc
cuation of Oklahoma , and what action was
1 ? taken fn that regard. Under an objec-
L from Cockrell it 'went over until tc-mor-
lf ter a short executive session tbe senate
jurned until Monday.
he king of Wurtemberg indignantly denies
rumor th at he has joined the Roman Catho-
cd made the woman for the man. The mil
added the expense , =
Something haunting , sweet and tender ,
Borne upon the evening air.
Subtle.tboughts no words could render ,
Half a sign and half a prayer.
South winds blowing , stars arc showing ,
And the summer moon is low ,
Faintly growing , fainter going ,
Breathes thy song , Jean Jaques Rou&p au
Lulling , soothine , magic singing ,
How the shadows fly away
At thy sound , thy low notes bringing
Back again life's opening day 1
South winds blowing , stars are showing1 ,
And the summer moon is low.
Years are going grass is growing
On thy grave Jean Jaquca Rousseau *
Couldst thou dream of all thy numbers
This the -world wou'd love the test JJ
Sung to lull the children's slumbers ,
Message to the tired of rest
South winds blowing , stars are showing ,
And the summer moon is low ,
Thv life knowin ? , tears are flowing
Yet for tbee , Jean Jaques Rousseau 1
Surely on their weary spirit
Fell an hour of rare content ,
Long ago , and still we hear It
Sung , tby mood , in music pent.
South winds blowing , stars ore showing- ,
And the summer moon Is low ,
One flower growing , of thy sowing1 ,
"Blossoms In the dust , " Rousseau I
So God rules it , makes undying ,
Peace , and faster every hour
Fades all hatred , wrong , and crying ,
Good alone has lasting power.
South winds blowing , etars are showing ,
And the summer moon is low ,
Faintly growing , fainter going ,
Breathes thy song , Jean Jaques Rousseau.
Ada 0. Sweet , in The Current.
JULIANA KEZIAH SKIGGS.
"Annie , " said Mr. Somers , as he
entered his cozy parlor one afternoon
in midsummer , "why , in the halcyon
days of our courtship , did you never
mention your cousin , Juliana Keziah
Skiggs ? ' "
Supposing her lord and master jocu
larly inclined , Mrs. Somers replied in
Yankee fashion :
"My dear John , why did not you
make your Uncle Obadiah the subject
of your conversation at that never to
be forgotten period ? "
"Because , " promptly , "I have no
such relative. "
"isreither , " serenely , "am 1 the
fortunate possessor of a cousin J. K.
"Perhaps this , " laying an open let
ter on the table beside her , "will con
vince you to the contrary. "
SmfSTEnVILLE , Aug. 12 , 188- .
"Mn. JOHN SOMEKS : Having lately
heard that a few blissfully distracted
moons ago , you were disunited in the
hollow bonds of matter of money to
Miss Annie Harding , se'cond cousin
twice removed of my'maternal deriva
tive , with whom in childhood's happy
hour I often sported on the glade , like
the young rams so brisk and gay , I
hasten to offer you my personal con
dolences , and prognosticating that a
visit to your celestial mansium might
rejuvenate the amatory pneumatics
with which I am inflicted , I take the
liberty of denouncing the datum of
my intended visitation , the 16th of
August , Anne Dynous 188- . Tena
ciously yours , . *
"JuiJANA KEZTAII SKIGGS. "
"John , " gasped Mrs. Somersvith
horrified countenance. "This woman
is crazy. I never heard of her be
fore , " tenaciously. "She is coming to
stay , I presume , and to-morrow is the
16th. What shall we do ? " .
"Dissmiss all care , my dear , " said
John'solemnly. "We can scarcely re
fuse to receive her ; but I will invite
Dr. Peter Columbus Haekemup to pre
scribe for the fair Juliana Keziah. "
With many forebodings Mrs. Somers
watched John depart for the train the
next afternoon. She was an orphan ,
with no near relatives , dependent upon
her own exertions for a livelihood.
While teaching school in a country
place , she met John , who at once fell
in love with her winning face and
amiable disposition. The little school
mistress , although obliged to light her
own way through the "world's broad
field of battle , " was not easily won.
John , however , was an undaunted and
perseverving wooer. Miss Harding
finally consented to resign her "de
lightful task to teach the young idea
how to shoot , " and was transformed
into Mrs. John Somers.'io corfess
the truth she liked the change. Now
the mistress of the pretty home to
which her husband had brought her ,
she was free from worldly care.
"But , " she soliloquized indignantly ,
"am I to bo invaded by a host of people
ple whom I have never known , and
probably would never have sought to
know me had I not become the wife" of
the prosperous young lawyer ? "
At this moment Mr. Somers and the
expected visitor appeared at the gate.
Mrs. Somers started in dismay , and
uould have lifted up her voice and
wept. John was a tall man , but Miss
Skriggs' bonnet feathers waved proud
ly over his head. Her forehead and
chin seemed running backward from
her nose , of which ( although some
what askew ) the noblest Roman of
them all would not have been ashamed
in point .of size. Inquisitive , beadlike -
like eyes , nondescript in color , peeped
from beneath whitish yellow brows ,
while on her prim mouth was a per
petual smirk , the nose ghastly , as
four false teeth which ornamented
her upper jaw occasionally dropped
This beautiful nymph , whose figure
was a personification of length without
breadth or-thickness , was attired , from
her soaring feathers to her No. 6 gait
ers , in brilliant green.
Mrs. Somers looked at John. His
face , to her loving eyes an open bookt
wore the imperturbably innocent ex
pression she knew betokened inward
"This , my dear , is your cousin Ju
liana Keziah Skiggs , " said-he , sweetly ,
leading the giraffe , as Mrs. Somers
mentally called the stranger , up to
his wife. Words of welcome were not
needed. Swooping upon poor Mrs.
Somers , and clasping the shrinking
little woman in her bony arms , she
pressed affectionate kisses upon her
averted cheek. The recipient of these
unwelcome favors , disengaged herself
as quickly as possible , hurriedly
showed Miss Skiggs to her room , and
informing her that tea would be ready
in half an hour , flew down stairs to
pour out her soul to John.
"Never mind , little woman , " said
that gentleman , anticipating her in
tention , "I'll engage that Dr. Hack-
omup shall take her off your hands a
Dr. Hackemup was a widower wht
lived opposite. Pomposity , gluttony
and parsimoniousness were his leading
characteristics. Mrs. Grundy da
clared that ho was on the lookout foi
a wife. That is , a rich wife. Venus ,
without golden charms , would nol
have attracted him. Medusa , well
supplied with cash , would have beer
irresistible to him. Miss Skiggs' ap
parel , although gorgeous in color ,
was of cheap material. Her luggage
consisted of one dejected-looking bail
trunk in which Eye might have stored
her finery , had she possessed any.
Mrs. Somers scarcely thought her
husband's charitable plan would suc
Juliana Keziah would not captivate
Dr. Hackemup. But , to her euprise ,
in whatever terms John's invitation
was couched , it proved effective.
The very next morning the Doctor
called , evidently prepared for con
quest. He acknowledged the intro
duction with a profound bow , restor
ing Juliana's teeth , which unfortu
nately dropped at the moment , with
a delighted smile as though the acci
dent was intended as a special compli
ment to him , aud at once preceded to
air his most captivating smiles and
graces. Juliana received his atten
tions with dove-like humility and
youthful diffidence , but in a few mo
ments Mrs.Somers concluded that
Juliana might have come in search of
health , should Providence kindly in
clude a husband , she would not scorn
John's exquisite delight in the scene ,
apparently only to his wife , finally
produced in ber a somewhat similar
frame of mintl ; at any ratelike a good
wife , she resolved to rejoice in his joy
and accept the inevitable with resig
"Miss Juliana , " said the Doctor , as
they sat on the porch together about a
week after her arrival , during which
time he had been most devoted , "did
you ah , ever observe , when looking
out upon the western sky , that as the
I sun goes down in the solitudes of the
night , it ah , becomes much darker
than at midday ? "
"Ah , Doctor , " murmured the lady
thus addressed , "few are gifted with
such powers of mendacity and voraci
ty as yourself , "
"Fairest of your sex , " with an ap
proving smile , "your views coincide
with mine to an iota. The entire fore
noon , secluded in the privacy of my
own domicile , I have watched theo
flitting to and fro like a sunbeam about
this favored mansion ; this afternoon ,
however , I determined to ignore my
own pleasure , so behold me at your
sjde. Now , alas ! the day waneth ; I
have already procrastinated my delay
much longer than I anticipated to stay.
I must bid thee farewell , " striking "a
still more imposing attitude , in un
conscious imitation of the Colossus of
"Farewell is a word to be uttered with sighs ,
While lachrymals drop on the nose from the
But who , save and excepting the most swinish
of pigs ,
Could enduah the thought , saztng. on thee ,
lovely. Skiggs ? "
"Have you noticed , " dropping the de
clamatory and speaking quite confi
dentially , "that when I am away I am
not here ? "
"I believe , " confessed Juliana Kez
iah modestly , "that my iaeditations
have approached that climacterj' .
Take care Doctor , " as that gentleman
in bowing his adieus leaned senti
mentally on the gate ; ' -that gate is
very delaborated. "
The warning came too late. Gate
and doctor came down together with a ;
"Resurgam ! " exclaimed ' the heroic
gentleman , superbly , as , extricating
himself from the debris of the gate , he
arose , solemnly rubbing himself.
"Have you observed , " his features
gradually regaining their customary
expression of dignified calm , "that
when you fall your equilibrium is apt
to be destroyed ? "
And still rubbing himself carefully ,
he strode majestically away.
Juliana remained , for a few mo
ments after the engaging doctor's de
parture , almost overcome by emotion.
Full forty-five times had the lilies blown
Since she looked upon the sun.
For many years she had sought
one thing in life , and but one
a husband , heretofore with mortifying
lack of success. "Now , " she whis
pered to herself , "I see land at last , "
the doctor's portly form appearing to
her wishful eyes a sort of Canaan , of
which she was already part proprie
tor."Oh , Annie , " she simpered , as , en
tering the house , she. sank into a chair
near Mrs , Somers , "I really feel quite
dilute. The doctor's remarks are so
flatulent , it is almost impossible for
me to moderate my sympathies to
compete with the situation. He is
coming to tea to-morrow evening. I
thought I had better reform the cook ,
so that she might be prepared for
"I am glad you mentioned it , Juli
ana , " said Mrs. Somers , pleasantly.
"The doctor is famous for his gastro
nomic powers. "
"How delightful ! " cried Juliana ,
with animation. "Is he prodded with
a microscope , or does he tnist his own
visionary debilities ? Do 3 ou think it
would be delecate for me to mention
the bull to him ? If not , I could refine
my remarks to the bear or the scor
"I do not exactly understand you ! "
said Mrs. Somers.'with much gravity ,
"he will find neither bulls , bears , nor
scorpions on my table , I assure you. "
Without condescending to enlighten
her cousin's ignorance , Juliana sailed
away to the retirement of her own
room , there-to lay the foundation of a
brilliant appearance on the morrow.
Many and "strange were the devices
employed. Could Dr. Hackemup but
have seen her when her preparations
were completed !
Morning came and went. Afternoon
shadows had begun'to lengthen. Juli
ana was about to begin her toilet for
the expected guest , when a rap was
heard at the door. "Oh. Annie , vou
respond to the door. I should sink
with effusion if the Doctor were to see
me with my habilimentations
disshovelled condition. "
Instead of Dr. Hackemup , however ,
a small boy stood grinning at the door ,
holding several dejected - looking
snipes , which , together with a primly
folded note , he handed to Mrs. Somer ? ,
saying , "Them's for her , " poinMng to
Juliana's paper-bedecked head peep
ing over Mrs. S's shoulder , The note
was duly dated , and was as follows :
Fascinatingly Amiably and Weirdly Ethereal
Miss Juliana Keziah ( If 1 may be permitted
thus to address you ) :
I herewith present you a brace of
birds ( sweets to the sweet ) , the result
of a day's wandering and reverie. May
I not hope to have the pleasure of oar-
taking of them with you ? thus exem
plifying the beautiful lines :
Two souls with but a single thought ,
Two mouths that cat as one.
Yours with high respects ,
Du. P. C. H.
Every paper on Juliana Keziah's
head rustled with delight.
"That poetical centennials ! " she
cried , as she looked at the letter. "What
majestic animals ! " as her gaze rested
on the 1)irds. "Lot me relieve you of
their ponderosity , Annie. I will request
cook to frisco them with trifles. "
"Trifles , indeed , " murmured Mrs.
Somers , "light as air. "
When the Doctor arrived , Juliana
welcomed him with the sweetest smiles
and thanks. He , not to be outdone ,
was all wit and poetical outburst.
Still , it was not until seated at the
supper-table that the true great
ness of this engaging man showed
As Juliana sank languidly into her
chair , she pointed to the Doctor's deli
cate contribution to the feast , which ,
prostrate on their backs , with their
long , shinny legs reaching skyward ,
seemed thus mutely expressing their
indignation at the violence offered
" "Behold , Dr. Hackemup , the troches
of your valorosity. As the immortal
Byrium so touchingly sings :
"Barbecued to make Rome howl a day. "
"Ah , yes , " absently replied Dr.
H , eyeing the table with beaming
orbs and smacking his lips. "Draw
your chair nearer , Miss " Juliana , and
you will not be so far oil' Thank you ,
Mr. Somers" to thatgentlenian , who ,
with preternaturally solemn counten
ance , bestowed a snipe apiece upon
Juliana and himself. "This is truly
elevating" helping himself liberally
to everything withm his reach. "I en
joy partaking of these delicious escu
lents in moderation , " as mouthful af
ter mouthful disappeared with marvel
ous rapidity , while his face became a
beautiful purplish red from his mighty
"Yes , assented Juliana , admiringly ,
"I perceive you are a regular ipe
Dr. Hackemup's fork paused a mo
ment on its way to his expectant
mouth , while he gazed somewhat sus
piciously upon his fair neighbor , but
that damsel was placidly nibbling away
at her snipe , unconscious of evil.
"How very lubricating it would be ,
she continued , "to meander in the um-
berifousness of those lovely turpentine
walks in the grove. Cousin John says ,
he , he , they were deranged expressly
for pedestinarians , but he is such a
tease I cannot say his aspersions are
always directed to the bright deist ,
Truth , " with an arch glance at Mr.
Somers , whose face rivaled the busy
Doctor's in color as he replied :
"Really , Cousin Juliana , you do me
"Ah , no , " cried Dr. Hackemup ,
who , imlike the boa-constrictor , grew
more and more lively as he approached
repletion. "I am convinced that Miss
Juliana's cardiac organ never expands
save with sentiments of justice and
"I scarcely flatterate myself that I
am sufficient either upon the accor-
clium or the organ , " was the depre
cating reply. "But I agree with the
designing Shakspeare , that the quali
fications of mercy are not to be stran
gulated. Indeed , so far as my per
sonal animosities are concerned , I
have always been perfectly willing to
give the devil his Jews. "
"I am sure , " gravely remarked Mrs.
Somers as they all rose from the table ,
"no one , not even Judge Hilton , could
say more than that. "
Early the next morning Juliana
started out for a walk. As she told
Mrs. Somers , "It is only by effervesc
ing with Nature that my aggravated
equanimity can regain its customary
fomentation , "
Scarcely had she reached the grove
and seated herself beneath a large oak
tree , when she was startled by a
sonorous "Ahem ! " close beside her.
Springing to her feet , what was her
agitation at beholding the object of
her thoughts , Dr. Hackemup , at her
"Dr. Hackemup , " she cried , in much
confusion , "what a disagreeable sur
prise ! "
"Ah , Miss Juliana , transcendently ,
brilliant aurora ! The early bird , ah
catches the worm. Behold an exem
plification : "i the bird , you the
worm. Strange , is it not , but true ,
the herbage when , dew-bespangled , is
generally quite humid ? "
"Quite true , " minced Juliana.
"What a store of knowledge you do
profess. The icinerations of your wit
are as bilious as a sky-rocket , and elu
cidate a conversation like a piratical
display. I should opinionate that you
would misapprehend that the fichus
of your brain might collapse or be
come explosive through constant in
"Your opinion , fair maiden , is but
an additional evidence of your perspi
cuity , I readily and without effort
perceive , from tbe extraordinary sim
ilarity of our convictions , that your
gentle nature is a component part of
mine ; a softening and completing , so
to say , as the emollient butter is to the
more solidified buckwheat cake. "
Seizing her long hand and lookipg
as sentimental as a sun-struck bull
frog , he continued passionately :
"Oh , Juliana Keziah , load-star of
my existence , who could gaze upon
thy charms unmoved ? The few short
days which I have known thee , al
though not as long as though they had
been longer , have been" ages of happi
ness to me. Bewildering , captivating ,
and overpoweringly saccharine dam
sel , my spirit yearns for thee. Does
not thy pericardium throb in sympa
thetic harmony with mine ? Place thy
tapering digits in my outstretched
* * V > f
palm , and hear mo swear to dedicate
my life to thee.
"Juliana Keziah , my soul Is on flah.
Sweet creature divine IKJ mine I"
Twenty-five years had Juliana wait
ed for just such words. With an
ecstatic gurgle , she throw herself on
the Doctor's shoulder.
"Peter Columbius , who could listen
unmoved to your delicious miscon
structions ? Our lives shall bo blunder
ed forever , both on this mendacious
spear and after Sharon and Fair have , - ,
conveyed our disemboweled snisita fever
over the inked Sticks ! " /
"Ah , " sighed the enamored Doctor , r- t " *
imprinting a cautious kiss upon her ! ;
cheek , on which perennial roses X > ii-/ * r
bloomed. "Happiness shall bo our
portion. Mutual love our daily bread.
The filthy lucre of tin's corrupt world
I scorn as naught. Your investments ,
sweetest love , are , I confidently pre
sume , perfectly safe. "
"Really , Peter Columbius , " answer
ed Juliana , bridling , "you are rather
amphibious in y ur expressions. My
vestments , of course , are always in
perfect order , although , why you
nould make such an inquisition
"Pardon mo , I implore , " interrupted
Dr. Hackomup , convinced that the in
ference he had drawn , from an appar
ently * careless remark of Mr. Somers ,
was correct. "Smile again ere I wilt.
Name the 'propitious day when Hy
men's torch , with glittering ray , shall
light our honeymoonish way o er this
terrestrial sphere. "
"Dear Peter Columbius , I'm all in a
combustible of a confusion enveloped
in a whirl. You and Cousin John can
make the necessitous derangements.
Your wishes in this , and all other re
spects , shall bo my loss. " ,
Mr. and Mrs. Somers were informed '
of the happy termination of the brief
courtship by the loving appearance of
the couple as , at the sound of the
dinner be.l , they emerged from their
retreat arm in arm ; "Dr. Hackemup
all condescending majesty and pro
tecting teaderness Juliana "Keziah the
personification of confiding innocence
and appealing artlessness. The effect
was somewhat marred , it is true , by
the Doctor's four feet eleven and Ju
liana's five feet ten ; but who could
suggest an invidious comparison at
such a sacred moment ?
"I introduce to you Mr. and Mrs. , , *
Somers , " said the Doctor grandilo"T
quenlly , "Mrs. Hackemup in futtiris.
As time writes his wrinkles on on her
azure brow , may she renew- her old
age each day. "
Mr. Somers , extending a hand to
each exclaimed : "Let me , for my
wife and myself , congratulate both the
Doctor and" the Doctor's wife that is to
be upon having secured a rara avis. "
'Oh , Cousin John , " giggled Ju
liana , silencing her companion , whoso
mouth opened wide to respond , but
shut spasmodically as her shrill "he > i , _
he" smote his ear. "You are equal to
Peter Columbius in rotundity and
Poor John ! Dr. Hackemup's appe
tite , far from being impaired , seemed
rather sharpened by the tender scene
in which he had so lately been chief
actor. Dinner , however , being over
at last , ho and his charming finaucee
wandered again to the grove.
"John , " said Mrs. Somers , as soon
as they disappeared. "I would never
have believed Dr. Hackemup capable
of disinterested affection. Still he
certainly must be aware that Juliana
is not rich in this world's goods. " r'f )
John answered not a word , but his
twinkling eye spoke volumes.
"Now , John , " with asperity , "what
have you said to Dr. Hackemup ? "
"I said , my dear , " meekly answered
John , "when interrogated as to the
lady's financial condition , that I could
not state the exact amount of her
property at present , but that 1 was
positive there was a fat prize await
ing her in the near future. I am sure , "
in an injured tone , "I told the truth.
Doesn't the Doctor fill the bill ? Ask
Juliana's opinion. " ,
"Stem the tide of your eloquence , 9 *
my prevaricating husband. Dr. Hack-
umup will open the vials of his wrath
upon her devoted head wheu he finds
too late he is deceived. "
"Oh ! " said incorrigible "John , "to
ive the devil his Jew , I strongly sus
pect the fair Juliana has a temper of
! ier own and can light the Doctor if
need be with his own weapons. At
my rate , it is a case of diamond cut
liamond ; for , in my opinion , if he at-
icmpts the Bombastes Furioso as a
itisband he will find that he lias
jaught a Tartar for a wife. " Vki- .
aye Ledger. /
How Pages Turn a Penny.
That lively and saucy little biped
mown as the "page" in Congress is
in indefatigable autograph seeker. But
t is not for the gratification of retain-
ng tne signatures of the members ,
vho keep them continually skipping
iboat the floor , that he bores them for
lutographs. There is a far more ma-
erial satisfaction for him in it than
hat. He turns autograph fiend for
noney. Therein consists his principal
> erquisite. The grave and disrnified
Senator who enters the Chamber bo-
ore that body is called to order or re- t
nains after adjournment is a ready vie-
im of the page. The latter is provid-
id with an album which he first care-
tilly covers with paper to protect it
rom injury. On the outside of the
: over is pasted a roll call of the Senate
md as each signature is secured , the
lame corresponding is scratched off
he list. To the page , who was flit-
ing from Senator to Senator , as a bee
ipping honey from flower to flower , a
Jtar reporter put the question , "Who
imploys vou to get these autographs ? "
-Oh , lots o"em , " he replied. "Most-
y ladies ; but sum men's jes' as anx-
ous as women. "
"How much do you get for it ? "
"Six cents a name. "
"Is there sharp competition in the ?
Business ? * * A
"All the boys take a hand in it , and
70 trades all round. If any boys
lusn't got albums to fill , us who has ,
lires them to help. Most boys don't
ill more'u one in a session. But I do ,
: nd there's one boy made nearly -S50
ast session. There's two or three Sen
iors that dent Jike to be bothered , but
ve manage generally to git 'em. We
vatches our chances and catches 'em
n a good humor. Wasfungton Star.