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January 15 , 1904 THE FALLS CITY TRIBUNE J 7 ' 1.
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1 FACTS AND FANCIES
BY ALLAN D. MAY.
o Oh Hut and forlorn is thc spirit ami
wearied and aching" the heart ;
; As bitter the : words we utter as the :
, , tears that hersisteutiy t start
Oh we who set forth ill the auto so
. happy and gay at the dawn ,
Now ( dcjectedl sit by the roadside and
p say something far worse than "dog
. . " , , . fG t- , , 011 . "
, . . ' And each face that so lately was smi1.
ing now wears the most miserable
. ; \ 'rhc gasoline tank has been emptied
and its many long miles to a town
" . Oh , she is a beautiful auto , resplendent
t ' . with varnish and brass ;
. . The handsomest , neatest and fleetest
of all the vehicle class-
, ( 'Ve quote from the bold advertisement
her makers have caused to be seen
: j On the magazine's page and cmbel-
; , - . : ' , lished with a cut of the pretty
: machine )
But how ugly she looks by the wayside
y ' . iJl the eve when the sun has gone
- : down ,
1 ' , . . . . _ ' , And her gasoline tank has , been enip-
k " , , , tied and its mallY long miles to a
t . ' , : town
' ' The finest chocolate bon bon
! ry doesn't taste half as good as a
, "stick of striped candy did twenty
' years ago.
In the great theatre of life ,
, there : re many who will wish in
- vain for In asbestos curtain that
will not fail to work at the end
' " " ' of the last act.
, : . .
: r : . : - Actors can imitate almost any .
" ' - . . '
, ace except the Ind an. When a
1 " : , . , . thespian attempts to depict the
. . noble red man , the result iS i gen-
' . . , / ' "bad medicine. "
. ai ; orally '
\ ' . - t
1 . '
" The more you York the ; more
, you eat ; when you eat enough ,
on f , A : > you feel better ; when you , feel
better , you are happIer , There-
' ' fore , work brings l-piness. , Get
p ; , a move on . YOU. , , , - 4 \
- - - - - - - -
k , ' . , A Falls City man says that the
t :4 : , ; happiest moment in his life was
when a water pipe in his rich
, , " - neigh bor's house froze 'and burst
, - - ; : and : the rich neighbor came over
. ' . " to get a bucket of water from his
j h . : well
.w w .
Dentists , as a class , , are 110
more untruthful than the rest of
humanity Still , if they were to
- tell their patients just how much
they were going to hurt them ,
a : they would soon drive . themselves
" . out of business.
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. . A ' woman called to her next
door neighbor and asked what
' . time it was 'rime to subscribe
' " aF for The Tribune , " was the reply.
, ; It makes no difference whether
the woman's clock was right 01'
4 a ; : , wrong , her answer was correct
. ' " - Even at the risk of being re-
" . i"
/ A4 : , garded as behind the times ' , we
S' , are going to confess that we have
a " ' . . just read HLovey : Mary. " There
is one thing that we would like
h" to know however , and that is :
f ' ; ' - What became of Cusmoodle , the
j , - , ' pluck ?
After a11it won't be long until
we will all be looking for the
first. rob tl.
- - - - - -
Falls City has an elhbryosculp-
tor. "l'he ether day he made a
snow man that was an exact im-
agc of his father , but when he
told the old man so he got a lie1\- :
1ng. Verily genius mecteth with
many discouragements. . .
- - - -
An acquaintance of ours has a
unique alarm clock. On each
side of his bed is a box , and in
each box is a full grown tom cat.
When the hands on the clock
reach the desired point , the doors
of the boxes are opened by an ingenious -
genious electrical contrivance and
the cats are liberated. Then the
man wakes up.
\Ve received a letter the other
day , type-wrtten on superfine
stationery , bearing a beautifully
lithographed heading. The let-
ter was from what was purported
to be a large manufacturing corporation -
poration , and began by offering
us a position as manager of a
local branch The work involved
would not be worth mentioning ,
and the salary would be princely
As we read the letter , we pictured
ourselves sitting behind a mahogany -
any desk dictating letters to a
flaxen-haired stenographer : with
soft , dreamy eyes and a voice
like the rippling waters in the
gladsome spring ; pausing now
and then to issue orders to the
foremen in charge of the menials
and hireling We pictured our-
selves being called to the head
office by telegraph to assume the
presidency of the corporation ,
and we saw our picture in the
magazines illustrating an article
on , "Capt.ains of Industry. " But
by and by we came to the dosing
sentence which read , HBut of
course we shall expect you to take
at least one thousand dollars
worth of our stock- " \Ye read
no further and the visions van-
ished and nobody knows how . bad
In getting out the first issue of
The Tribune we were beset hy
many difficul tics. The manage-
ment of The Falls City News
came to our assistance and greatly -
ly aided bv allowing us the use
of material and machinery in
their office \Ye are also indebted -
ed for like kindness to r--1r. : Harry
Custer. It is needless to say that
we greatly appreciate this help
and we take this means of expressing -
pressing our thanks.
. . . - - . - - - , , -
Humboldt Bank Officers
The following officers have
been elected for the new National
bank of Humbo1c1t : John r--Iore- :
head , president ; : r.r.V. . Harding ,
vice president ; C. L Hummel ,
cashier ; hiss : Elta Davis , assist-
ant cashier. ,
" ; ' T"--- - ' . . ' . . . .
, ! '
. HOhTSt I !
. Shoe Store
, ' . ' .j' ' ;
( " , " . Palls City , Neb.
SHOES Men ,
, WOlllen and J
for Children }
I would be pleased to have you ' call "g 1
to see our Shoe Styles . " I
Would also like add your name . \
to our list of custoillers.
Children's Shoes n Speclnlty. I
Warm Lined Shoes for Old Folks I
. Rubbers and Overshoes of all Kinds.
Want to Phone ?
, Call 23.
. . . . ! : : . . - . . -
- j iiWr w.i n- = - -
Chamberlain in Cuba. .
Charles M. Chamberlain , the
defaulting cashier of the defunct
Chamberlain banking house of
Tecumseh has been up to his old
tricks in Cuba according to the
Havana , Post. Chamberlain , who
had assumed the name of Charles
IVI. Clark , secured money to the
amount ef S500 from a friend ,
under the pretense of buying land
and then set sail for Tampal1'la. ,
without notifying his friend of
his intentions. The fact that
Chamberlain has come to the
United States , may be his undo-
ing as there is a reward of $1,200
for his return to Tecumseh.
Died on the Train .
Rev. 1. . C. Downs , a presiding
elder of the v1. E. church south ,
died aboard Burlington freight
No. 67 , between this city and
Preston Monday morning. Re\
Downs , , whose hume was in Kan-
sas City , Kas" , had preached at
Preston on Sunday and boarded
the train at Preston , apparently
in good health. Before the train
had proceeded far he was stricken
with heart failure and died al-
most instantly. When this city
was reached the body was removed -
moved from the the train and
taken to Resterer Bros. ' under-
taking establishment. Coroner
Reneker held an inquest which
brought : out the fact from papers
found on the dead man's person ,
that he had been taking treat-
ment for heart failure and evi-
dently feared sudden death as he
carried an identification card.
His wife was notified . and the
body sent to Kansas City , Kas. ,
for interment. The deceased was
about sixty-two years of age and
leaves a wife and daughter.
John Jenkins of Stella had bus-
iness before the county board on
- - f'
Notice to Haymakers.
There will be special work at
the regular meeting next 1 : r-.ionday i
evening , Jan. 18th , at the 1. O. t
R. r--I. : hall. All members are requested -
quested to be present.
Gno , H. I + ALLs'PEAn , K. of B. !
. . . I
At Armours Poultry house one
block west of B. & , M. depot. All .
kind of raw furs , such as musk-
rat , skunk. civet cat , raccoon fox'
wolf , otter , beaver , and badger
furs. Call and get our priCJ.
P. H. Hermes , IKr.
, , l
Louis Bippes of Preston was in
town Wednesday on busincss.
Telephone 74 when you want a
nice juicy steak.
George Lum of Verdon was in
the city on business Wednesday.
One dollar buys 100 envelopes' i f
and 100 : sheets of writing paper
at the Tribune office. Good qual- r
ity a nd neatly printed. : - '
The city park agitation can '
not be pushed too hard. If you
have a good suggestion to make
along this line , let us hear it.
The sooner the better in the case
of getting a much needed public
improvement , like : a park.
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Flour , Feed , Coal ,
Look over this and see what you
want and what you have toscH , have
for sale Flour , Feed , Baled Hay : and
Straw , Grain , Ground 1'ecd , Bran and
Shorts , Coal , Wood , Rock Salt , Pure
Cider Vinegar , 'Valnuts , Rye and
Wheat for chickens , Grot nd Oil Cake ,
Poultry amI Stock l' ood. Cash paid
for Butter , Eggs and Poultry , Hides ,
RuhberCoppcr , Brass , Zinc , Old Iron ,
Com and Oats , Flour exchanged for '
Wheat , Meal for Corn. Yours for
O. P. HECK
Phone 101 Sth Street