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1'IIOUGIIT TASK EASY
\ . " " "ATTEMPT OF CITY MAN TO MILK
i , Inexperienced Individual Quit the Job
After Furnishing Amusement for
the Farm People-Job Is One That
l , " ' Requires Skill
I \ I , 'l\fost city persons , " saId a million.
1111'0 amateur farmer , "labor under the
, , impression that to milk n cow Is easy.
. There ' could ho no greater mistake.
Milking requires a peculiar move
, ment of the wrIst , which , tr not
' learned In ono's youth : , seldom Is
learned afterward. Some cows arc
more easily mlllod than others , but
even In the case of the easy ones It
has to bo done In a certaIn way or
not at all. I have known some Inexperienced .
Ierlenced persons to acquire the
movement after a few trials , but they
found It Imposed such an unnatural
strain on the muscles of the wrist
that they seldom essayed n second
"I had a young fellow from the city
out at my place one Hummer who had
the Idea that It was as easy to get
milk as It was to drink ! : It , As a usual
thIng wo don't lot an Inexperienced
person try to milk a cow , for there Is
nothing that will dry her up quicker
. than to be made the subject of exper !
invents : but this young fellow was so
dead certaIn that he knew all about
It that I tool him out to the shed one
evening after the cows had been
stunchloned and were placidly munch.
Ing their graIn , and told him to go
ahead and see what he could do
"When he looked at the long lIne
or anImals , and saw them switching :
their tails and now and then kicking I
, at a fly , his heart seemed 10 fall him
. " 'I can't sit down In here at the
beginning , ' ho protested : 'can't wo
take one of them outside ? '
In order to humor him I chased an
easy ml11el' out Into the yard , and
then handed him a stool and a "nil
lie stood gazing al the cow thought.
! ally .
" 'Well ? ' I finally asl , d.
, " 'Well ? ' said he.
" 1I0 looked very 11I11\\"py. 'To tell
you the truth , ' ho at last blurted out ,
"I am-e -a person of some-er-
that Is-delicacy , and on such short
acquaintance , you know , I-I don't I
like \ to taltc- ' lie came to a dead
" 'Bah ! ' I saId.
1'hnt apparently stung him Into ac.
tlon , for he sat down on the stool like
n man who seats himself In an electric -
trlc chair Then ho closed his eyes
and started In. A few seconds later
lie opened hIs eyes , and you never
saw a man so bowlldered. There was
nothIng doing. He looked up at me
In piteous appeal.
" 'Shc-she-er-doesn't seem to
.have shy , ' he saId.
"Al that I laughed outright , and he
got up as mad as a wet hen.
" 'Now , don't get excited ; I said ,
soothingly. 'Let me show you how
. to do It. '
. "Woll , after I illustrated to hIm
how easy It was ho tried it nlnln. Ho
- - _ , _ _ _ _ n _ . . n - - - . . _ _ _
. , n.rn
toiled valiantly for ten minutes with.
'out result , and then , chancing to look
up , ho flaw f he was providing entertainment -
talnmont for practically the entire
population of the farm. At that ho
arose , kicked the pall against the
fence and hurried Into the house to
bathe his wrIsts with witch hazel "
A Glorious Mansion ,
J praised the earth , In beauty ! seen ,
With garlands gay various green :
1 praised the seas , whose ample field
Shone glorious as n silver shield :
And earth and ocean seemed to say ,
"Our beauties ! are Jut ! for a day "
I praised ! ; the sun whose chariot rolled
-On wheel of amber and of gOld-
1 praised the moon , whose sorter eye
Gleamed sweetly through the summer
And moon and sun In answer said
" 0111' days of light are numbered , "
4 God ! 0 Good beyond compare !
U' thus 'l'hy mcanor works are fair ,
It thus Thy bounties ' gild the span
Of ruined earth and sinful man
how glorious must the mansion be
here ehy redeemed shall dwell with
. -Reginald lIebeI' .
I Weapons of Modern War I
The present war has raised , perhaps
more acutely than ever before , the
question how far It Is permissible to
go wIth death.denllng II1Ventlon8 , . . .
This recalls to nl1n:1 the mysterious In.
ventlon of the great Dunllonald , which
was 80 terrIble that the British government
ornmont even In Its need and extremi
ty shrank from employing It , and resolved -
solved to keep It a profound secret lest
somebody shoulll p-'Il ' It to use and \It. \
orally "stagger humanity " Dunllonalll ,
who was as accompli7hed in chemistry
and engineering as he was formidable
In conflIct , first proposed hIs device In
the early Napoleonic wars , to annihi
late the French fleet and fortresses at
Toulon It was considered by a com
suttee composed of the ! foremost army
and navy authorities and Including
Con greve , the inventor ! of the rocltct.
The committee reported that the der
vice would- undoubtedly do nil that
Dlllulonnl claimed , hut with a devastating . I
tatlng fury that would be Inhuman.
So the government eclned ! to use It
at 'foulon 01' at Flushing , When Dun-
donald went to South America , the
British government exacted of him a
pledge that ho would not use nor di-
vule his invention there , a pledge
which he kept at cost of fort Itlng his
lay ( from South American states In
184G , when there was fear of war with
France , his scheme was again considered -
ered by a British committee , which reported -
ported that It would InfEalllbly annihl
late a hostile fleet , but thnt time use of
It would be Inhumun. Twice during
the Crimean war It was considered for
the reduction of Sebastopol , but though
nobody doubted It would do the work
effectively , It wad rejected on the same
grounds an before So to this day the
awful secret remains a secret , hidden
away In the confidential archives of
the BrItish war ulUce.
Now , It may be that the British gov
ernment was rIght , and that Dundon'
aid's Invention was too Inhumanly destructive .
structlve to be usell But It seems
doubtful If governments will assent to
the outlawIng of any of the existing I
enginery of war , 01' even of some new
Inventions that may yet be perfected.
, . . . . It would be absurd to de
mand that warfare In the twentieth
century' should be conducted with the
weapons of the tenth celtury. Nor
arc we sure that It would be well for
humanity thus to restraIn warfare
within prImitive limits , even It It could
be Ilono The more terrible the engines .
glnes of war become , the fewer the
wars themselves become , and , strange
as It may seem , the less destructive do
they hecome Hannibal used weapons
which would be contemptible by the
side of those of the last hundred years ,
and his army wa ; a mere handful com
pared with those ; wielded by Napoleon
and. Grant and i\fuIUtc. Yet no battle
of the last century can be compared
ttith Cannao In destructiveness to human -
man life Had Gettysburg equaled It ,
proportionately , not a single mall of
Lee's army would have ! been left alive
AS for Waterloo , its ! slaughter seems
Insignificant besides ! that of the Apu
lIan field. Nor wes Callae : sIngular.
The battles and the wars of old were ,
as a general rule , more numerous and
more deadly than thos of modern
times The broulsword : and the pl1um
did greater havoc than the rifle and
the machine gun. So , in a strange
way , do deadly Inventions lessen mortality -
tality , and so , with a strange literal-
ness , does civilization get forward upon -
on a powder cart.-New York Tribune
II The SanA Man's Town I' '
Como cuddle your head on my breast , little -
tie boy ,
And cover your drowsy eyes ,
And wo'll away from the laud of day
To the dream land In the skies
By the Shut-I''e : route we will go , little
J\S the purpling sun sinks down
And l1ashes Its beams In golden streams
And silvery shafts ! ' , to the laud of dreams ,
1'lt borders the S'and Man's town ,
With your dear hands folded In mine , lit-
tle boy ,
" 'e will travel to that land fair ,
Where the rOole-bloom ! Mmlles In the leafy
And the bird song fills the air ,
'I'he sleepshlp waits at the port , little
Wth : Its snowy pinions a-gleam ,
And Its IIrow poInts straight for the golden -
on gate ,
So let's go aboard or we may he late
For " the wonderful land of dream
'rhen , away o'er rosy sea , little boy ,
Bv the light of the old north star ,
While the sunset dies In the golden skies ,
" 'e'll sail for that land afar ,
0 , list to the gentle splash , little hay ,
or the waves against the strand ,
As they swiftly rIde o'er the crimson tide ,
While peacefully over their crest we
Toward the beautiful slumber land !
The silvery \ moon hangs low , little boy ,
When the harbor bar Is passed ,
To the joyous strain of a sweet refrain ,
And We anchor In port at last
Then the sand man leads us ashore , little
1'0 hIs beautiful castle there ,
In u shady dell , where hIs minions dwell ,
And over the land weave a magic spell
Of enchantment everywhere.
Then , out for a trip we will go , little boy ,
Through ! this wonderful lund of dream
And , side by side , we will \ take a ride
Down Il roadway of chocolate cream.
There are bonbon trees everywhere , little
And an Ice cream soda lake ,
'hlle the walks are made and the high-
With cInnamon drops of n crimson shade
And cnrJlngs ! of ' '
layer cake ,
'hen the first faint flush tints the sky ,
little boy ,
And crImsons the peaceful bay ,
The Hhlp's Jell ! rIngs and the sand man
"All aboard for the land at' day ! "
Then , out with the flowing tide , little
And over the spray and foam
" 'hlle the pale stars gleam and the moon
With H silvery light on the rippling
Till the harbor hells rings "Home ! "
-New York Tribune.
I [ _ Logic of the Savage . II
Lord L'veden and his party of I
English tourists were recently entertained .
t:1lncd In Now York. Lord L'eden ,
who bas traveled all over the world ,
narrated at a dinner sonic of his ad-
ventures. At one point he said :
"I used to know In Australia an
Intolllgent and interesting mlsslonar
Ho and I were talking one day about
the natives of New Guinea , and he
told me how one of these natives had
stumped hIm In a certain argument.
"It seems that he had accosted the
native , and urged him to let himself
" 'Dut what good ; the native asked ,
'will this clvlllJatlon of yours .llo me ? '
" 'Well ; said the missionary , ' ) 'ou
will cease , for one thing , to idle all I
- , . '
your time away. You will learn the
delights of honest labor. '
" 'What good will the labor do
me ? '
" 'Through It you will gradually ac-
cumulate money , and In time , with
frugality : , you will possess much store
of honestly acquired riches ;
"The native was still unconvlncell.
' ' ' 'hat good will the riches do me ? '
was his next question ,
" 'They ; saId the mIssionary , 'will
enable yet to cease from work at
last , and to spend the rest of your
days In well.earned rest. '
"The native laughed.
. . .
" 'It seems to me ; he said , 'that , It
I dId as you say , I would be taking a
mighty roundabout course to lot to
the place I started from ; 'I
BYRON . . WILLtAM5
Joy In Your Heart ,
Jest hum a chune as yer pluggln' along ;
Joy In vcr heart as ye carol YOI' Bong !
Sobs only jiggle ele lend on yer back !
Doan help tel' lighten de weight 0' yer -
pack ! r \ ; ;
No sense tel' pine er be downcast 'Ith
All folkes got they's own gn'den tel' hoe !
Roll up yo eyes at de heavens 0' blue -
This ! urn de glory tel' me and fer you !
On our way downtown this morn , .
Ing we saw a doctor's sIgn. It read : :
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , . I :
; Phil Graves , M. D. : '
. . \
v' ; 'd' ' ; ; 1'1:1 : ' f 'ti ; ; '
Now what do you think 1 of , that ? " , ,
Traveling broadens the mind , edit-
cates it from exclusIveness and ego. \ . ,
tlsm , and fills It with a storehouse or
Imowlellge. Travel wIpes out false
Imagination , gives reality and pro.
vides one wIth 'ever.ready and enter.
taming manners Who would not
travel ? Where are you going the , . , - I
Fourth ? W
Testifying In her suit for breach at
promise a fair Kansas plaintiff said of I
the cruel defendant's first kiss :
"When he kIssed me for the first time
he saId It was the sweetest kiss he
ever had. It took hIm about an hour
to kIss me. " Mercy ! but there was a
lot ' of fight in him , wasn't there ?
In DetroIt , says a local paper , the
fire plugs have been painted red. In )
New York cIty roans and bays still
predominate , but there's slxty.four t
whIte bosses on the force and they
call for red hald accessories. Other.
wise Detroit leads !
r , .
1/ / !
'III' ' ' ' .
TAKING A CHANCE. I
Bath tubs are being imported from '
Germany. 'Vhut's the reason ? Is not
the American make slippery enough ?
The Summer Vacation.
Beside the billowed lake they slt- .
O'el'heaa the glories of the skles- 1 J . . .
Or , screened from vIew , as boarders pass , ,
They read love's answer In the eyes !
lIe holds her hand In warm caress ,
The color surges In her cheeks-
Her gown IN wrinkled In a mess
Beneath hIs arm , which walstward
The sun sinks lowly to Its lied ,
The world Is all a golden hue !
Upon his shoulller rests her head-
And oh ! her eyes are . . blue and true !
Ah ! gladsome , joyous country days ,
When willing Love the landlord pays !
The shades of night were falling fast
As through a Russian village passed ,
A youth who bore 'mid snow and ice ,
A banner with the strange device ,
"Tscheroffl tchsklvotch. "
And that's the end ot the poem , be-
: aU8e the Japs got him before be '
reached the second stanza. +
- : ; ;
It was a Michigan editor who 1'0- -
celved this notice : "Notlse , I Ilte Pick. '
Ins' won't pa floe lets contoracted by
ml wit , Mary Plcklns She haz quit
me cold an I aIn't makln a blzness of
3l1portln fikel women ! "
IndIana society belles are making ; : ! "
their own gowns , and Pitts burg society -
ety women are baIting bread Now , If
Illinois girls will begin to sew on but.
tons , we know of several susceptible
bachelors who may be hoodwinked !