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TOMBSTONE WEEKLY EPITAPH.
d Nervous Mothers
aarT ' f'r
M M n i MTTTK r j.
Should Profit by the Experience
of These Two Women
Buffalo, N. T. "I am the mother of font children, and for
WASH THE KIDNEYS!
..A!1. '.he b,0Od 'n he body passes thru
the kldnejs every few minutes. This Is
why the kidneys play such an Important
role In health or disease. By some mys
terious process the kidney selects what
ought to come out of the blood and
takes It out If tlie kldnejs are not
good-workmen and become congested
poisons accumulate and we suffer from
backache, headache, lumbago, rheu
matism or gout The urine Is often
cloudy, full of sediment : channels often
get sore and sleep is disturbed at night
So it Is that Dr. Pierce, of the Invalids'
Hotel and Surgical Institute In Buffalo.
N.Y. advises "Washing the Kidneys,"
by drinking six to eight glasses of water
between meals and then If you want
to take a harmless medicine that will
clear the channels and cure the annoy
ing symptoms, go to your druggist and
get Anurlc (double strength), for 60c
This "Anurlc." which is so many times
more potent than llthia will drive out
the uric add poisons and bathe the kid
neys and channels In a soothing liquid.
If you desire, write for free medical
advice and send sample of water for
free examination. Experience has
taught Doctor Pierce that "Anurlc" Is
a most powerful agent In dissolving
uric add. as hot water melts sugar.
Send Dr. Pierce 10c for trial ptcl age.
One thorn of experience Is north a
whole wilderness of warning Lowell.
TOm Cared In i to It Dare
mfond bomt If PAZO OINTH BVT fmllfl
to cw licking. B!lna.Blee4l& or Pruuaemg Pilaa.
SVmaasUcaboagWaa relief, toe.
Had a Fellow Feeling.
The village concert vva In pi ogress,
and although all the local talent was
mustered, Johnny, the squire's son and
heir, was bored, badly bored.
Bis mother grew anxious .bout lilm
but when a small girl started piping
"The Minstrel Boy," and reached the
line, "His father's sword lie has girded
on," Johnny fairly pricked up his ears
"Ton like this. Johnnj?" said Ms
mother. "It is"
"Be quiet, mother, do," said Johnny,
impatiently. "I want to hear what
happens when his father gets to
know !" London Tit Bits.
Leson In Geography.
Readers of General Allenbj's dis
patches, unfamiliar with the peculiar
ities of the Dead sea. were not a little
puzzled at his description of British
airplanes flying four hundred feet be
low the sea level. But reference to a
geography brought the information
which solved the riddle; the Dead sea
lies 1.202 feet below the surface of the
Mediterranean, so that airplanes sail
ing four hundred feet below sea level
were still at an elevation of eight hun
dred and ninety-two feet. Lessons In
geography abound In the papers now
adays! Tied His Dog to "Flivver."
When Henry Ward, prominent 'n Sa
llna (Kan.) business affairs, tl-d his
Tldous bulldog to his "flivver," merely
as a protection to dogs with better dis
positions, he was arrested.
"Gulltyr asked the court, after in
forming the defendant he was charged
with violating a dty ordinance against
attaching a tin can to a dog's tall.
"Yes, sir," was the reply.
"Eleven dollars," said the court. And
Mr. Ward paid.
"I can Imagine many things, but "
"But what?" "But a Russian making
instead of cofifca
Bar &4k trim ihe
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nwiT w aanaaaare Mm ill rifii t i ai
HE one hundred nnd elchtv-
Jl sixth nnnlverMirj of the
I I birth of George Washington
I I reminds one of man things.
nnu among mem ine laci mai
the cost of living was an eco
nomical problem In Washing
ton's daj, as it Is now. Fur
ther, the first president set an ex
ample which Is being followed today
in some sections Of the country with
all the acclaim of something new. The
markets which are being opened for the
purpose of bringing the farm products
to the consumer, to the exclusion of
the middleman, are by no means a
twentieth century Invention. Most
people don't know that George Wash
ington essayed truck gtrdenlng and
the maintenance of n market wagon,
to the no small Messing but the so
dal dismay, of some Alexandrians but
it Is a fact.
We read so much of the "groaning
board," steaming Jolatfl of luscious
fare of all sorts in tht. days of colo
nial plenty, that we fhlnk the period
a time of feasting and unlimited abun
dance, and recall but few of the hard
ships, of which there were many. It
was to provide variety and to make
his neighliors more satisfied with their
lot that Washington sent his market
wagon just once in so often to Alex
andria loaded with the products of
the farmyard and the field of Mount
Vernon. nistory does notp tell us
whether Washington reached the
hearts of his associates more speedily
by the short route of their stomachs,
but there is no doubt that his wise
forethought brought him both grati
tude and substantial reward.
The Cart Goes to Town.
Old Parson Weems, who has chatted
so glibly about life In Adcxnndrla, tells
us that there was a time there when
the town had more reason to boast of
Its beauty than Its capacity to glad
den the inner man. To quote that rev
The neighborhood of Belle Haven
(such was Alexandria's early name)
was not a desert; on the contrary, it
was In many places a garden spot
abounding with luxuries. But Its In
habitants, the wealthy, were not wise.
By the successful cultnre of tobacco
they had money. And having filled
their coach houses with gilt car
riages and their dining rooms with
gilt glasses, they began to look down
upon the poorer sort and to talk about
families. Of course It would never
do for such people to run market
carts t Hence the poor Belle Haven
Ites. though embosomed In plenty, were
often In danger of gnawing their nails.
And unless they could cater a lamb
from some good natured 'cracker. or
a leash of chickens from the Sunday
negroes, were obliged to sit down with
long faces to a half-graced dinner of
salt meat and journey cake.
This was the order of the day, A. D.
"50, when Washington, Just married
to the wealthy young widow Custls,
had settled at Blount Vernon, nine
miles below Belle Haven. The un
pleasant situation of the families at
DIdrrt Seem Possible,
Reference In the lobby of a Wasn
tegton dub warn mad to tb kn wlta
of the rising generation when this
etory was contributed by Representa
tive Joseph B. Thompson of Oklaho-
There wa a Utile boy who used to
call at the hone of Ms grandma every
..w fmnon. and as a reward
tnr his constancy be was always given
a slice of cocoaajst cake.
One afternoon, however, grandma
m erecting company, and wishing
that place soon reached his ears. To
a man of his character, with too much
spirit to follow a bad example when he
had the power to set a good one. and
too much wit to look for happiness
anywhere but In his own Iomku, It
could not long be questionable what
part he hud to act.
"A market cart was Instantly con
structed and regular! three times a
week -ent off to Belle Haven filled
with nice roasters, kidney-covered
lamb and veal, green geese, fat ducks
and gobblers, chickens by the basket,
fresh butter, new laid eggs, vegetables
and fruit of all sorts. Country R
tlemen dining with their friends In
town very soon remarked the welcome
change In diet. 'Bless us all !' exclaim
ed they, 'what's the meaning of
this? Tou Invite us to family fare
and here you have given us a lord
mayor's feast." Tea,' replied the oth
ers, 'thank God for sending a Colonel
Washington into our neighborhood.'
The cat was thus let out of the
ag. to the extreme mortification of
the 'Little Great ones,' that Colonel
Washiigton should ever have run a
Famous Carlyle House.
The market where Washington sent
his farm products lay right In the
heart of Alexandria and upon a square
about which stood some of the town's
most noted residences and landmarks.
Among these was the Carlyle house,
and despite the passage of time and
the physical changes wrought In that
quaint Virginia dty. this historic home
survives Intact today. The Carlyle
house Is intimately identified with
Washington's career and particularly
with the very beginning of his mili
As the story goes, the bricks for th
building w ere. Imported and so. too. the
stone of which It was built in 1732.
John S. Carlyle utilized for part
of the foundation a portion of
an old fort, which many years earlier
had stood guard against the IndHns
for the protection of English traders
on Hunting Creek, as the place was
then known. The barracks of that ad
vance post of dvlllzatlon became the
cellar of the Carlyle house, and there
In its cool shadows was stored the
mellow wine that tickled the palates
of those days. From the heavy beams
overhead hung pendant the lusdons
hams for which Virginia Is still noted.
Another part of the old fort supports
the plaza at the rear of the house upon
which the main hallway ends. It wns
there, of summer evenings, that the
Carlyles and their guests gathered, and
It was there the men discussed the
problens of the hour over a heart
some glass amid the soothing smoke of
the fragrant Oronoko. Then, the gar
dens ran down to the river's bank and
overlooked the docks at which the
trading craft were moored vessel
that came from over the seas to bar
ter the silks and riches of the far
East, the products of Europe, and the
tropic abundance of the West Indies
In return for the famous tobacco with
which Alexandria's one great ware-
to save the cake for refreshment, none
was forthcoming for Johnny. For n
long time he patiently waited, and
then rose to go.
"I really believe, grandma." he re
marked, as he picked up his hat. "that
I smell cocoanut cake."
The broad hint was fruitful, but not
abundantly ao. Going to the kitchen
grandma cut him off a small slice.
71 thought so," commented Johnny,
aa be took the dainty, -bat doesn't It
atem strange, grandma, that I could
Bell anch a very aaaB pleeer
house was filled Washington was a
very frequent ?uest at the Carlyle
house and one can easily Imagine the
part he pla.ved In tint atmosphere of
bounteous hospltullt and courtl
Tradition has It that It was In that
ver.v house tint Washington met one
of lils fen defeats. On the right of
the hmad hallway Is what was once
a drawing room. s.ild to have been fin
ished orlgimlly in white and gold. and
there nti m.inj occasions Washington
took an active part In the social fes
tivities lending many a fair Vlrgln
Itn through the statelv minuet and the
less formal reel. The hallway. Itself,
If tradition lie correct, has Its own
sentimental Interest, for It was at the
foot of the beautiful staircase of solid
m.ihogan that Washington awnlted
the coming of lovely Sally Fairfax
tiion a certain evening, and. while es
corting her to the ballroom, offered
that Iidy his heart nnd was refused.
On the opposite side of this same
hall Is the "hlue and white room."
which was John Circle's particular
retreat or sanctum. That room Is of
esjxclal Interest to us as n nation, fur
It was there that Washington re
ceived his commission ns a memlwr
of General Braddock's staff In 17i".
What Washington learned upon that
disastrous campaign against the In
dians and with British soldiers taught
him much which later he put to good
service In behalf of his country.
Braddoek Took Possession.
When Braddoek arrived he accept
ed the proffered hospitality of John
CarlIe and established headquarters
there. The little blue and white room
became the military council chamber,
and It was there that the plans were
made for the campaign. Washington's
previous experience as a lender of Vir
ginia troops against the savages made
him all the more welcome at the con
ferences, and his keen Judgment and
practical advice earned for him Brad
dock's admiration and won for him his
colonelcy upon the general's staff.
We who count our dollars and make
our purchases In hard coin hut little
realize the part the "vile weed" played
In all commercial transactions In Vir
ginia 150 years ago. The fragrant
Oronoko tobacco had a fame which
reached to Europe, and this was the
common medium of exchange. The
Incense of this leaf, as It were, bought
the English bricks with which old
Christ church In Alexandria was built
In 1773. The church was designed, so
It hns been said, by one James Wren,
reputed to have been a relative of the
architect of London's famous St.
Paul's. Washington worshiped at
Christ church. History tells us that
It was within the shadow of that sa
cred structure, after services one Sun
daj morning in the summer of 1774.
that he earnestly advocated the rennn
datlon of allegiance to the king of Eng
land. Always deliberate and Intensely
devout, one can gather something of the
spell which his words must have cast
upon Ills fellow churchmen upon that
There are many houses In Alexan
dria today that were In their prime
when Washington was In their midst
and closely Identified with them not
only sodally but officially Intermit
tently during his youth and Jnst prior
to his death. .
Florida contains about 4X100000
acres of land waiting to be reclaimed
by proper drainage. Contracts for
draining almost the entire Everglade
region have been made.
A dog in Hennlfier. N. H In pursu
ing a hedgehog, climbed from limb
to limb of a tree to a height of 40 feet.
It took the help of three boys to get
A compass Invented In France for
aviators shows the deviation front any
set course In addition to pointing to
ward the north.
A lwo-wbeelI Irniler with a capac
ity of a ton of coal and which can be
hauled behind a runabout automobile
has been Invented.
An electrical device of European In
vention to enable a moving train to set
a signal makes use of a slight sinking
of a rail as a train passes over It.
The use of the magnetic pulley to re
move particles of certain metals from
nonmagnetic material to bulk ha 1 ex
tended to 34 different Industries.
LYDIA E. PINKHAM'S
WITTY AMID FALLING SHELLS
Irishman Within an Inch of Death An
swered Superior's Fool Question
With Ready Humor.
As Private Mulligan of the
the Irish, was leaning against the
sandbag parapet, dividing bis period
of guard between nervous glances
through the battered periscope and
day-dreams of the little colleen back
In the Emerald Isle, a noisy shell of
the S9 pattern Insinuated Its brazen
nasal organ Into the earth about two
feet In front of Pat's parapet, thereby
making a far different channel of
thought for the Irishman.
After the smoke had cleared a little
and the confusion subsided a subaltern
In action for the first time protruded
his startled vision from a near-by dug
out, and gazed In horror on the only
visible portion of Patrick, that be
ing his head, and In a voice of plain
tive Inquiry asked:
"& er Mulligan, was that a
For a moment Pat looked Innumer
able things at his superior, and then
remembering who he was. answered,
keeping the sarcasm aa much to him
self as possible :
"No. sorr. Shure. It waa only an ex
plosive bullet, sorrl" '
"Cold fa the Head"
k) aa acuta attack of Nasal Catarrh. Pe
woo an niDMct 10 zraqueat coua
tba hsad will nnd that the usa of
iLI1 CATARRH MEDICINE will
m the I
Solid up tha Brsum. deans tht Blood
ad naasr them Was liabla to eolda.
Repeated attacks of Acuta Catarrh may
toad to Chronic Catarrh .
BALL'S CATARRH MEDICINE Is tak
en tBtarnallr and acta thnrarh the Blood
an U lfucm Snrfacas et th Brstam.
An DracrUts He. Testimonials free.
tjaits for aay easa of catarrh that
RAU8 CATARRH MEDICINE win not
"fTj. Cheney Co, Toledo. Ohio.
Jndge Ben B. Lindsay said In an ad
lresa before a wayfarer"a lodge In Chl
mgo: "The man who gets on, the man who
rllmbs up. Is to be a neat man.
"There Is no armor against fate, but
1 clean shirt Is a good substitute."
There are prophets who hate the
sunlight because It blisters the gloomy
rarface of their prophecy.
Be happy. TJas Bed Cross Bag Blo;
sack better than bqaid blue. Delights
.he laandresa. All grocera. Adr.
Half a loaf la better than a whole
Does the Itching Disturb Your Sleep ?
A word of advice from Paris' Medicine Co., Beaumont and Pine
Sts., St Louis, Mo. (Manufacturers of LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE
and GROVE'S TASTELESS chill TONIC.)
We wish to state to our millions of friends that in
PAZO RILE OINTMENT
which is manufactured by us, we have a remedy which in
stantly relieves the intense itching of piles, and you can get restful
sleep after the first application. We have letters from a large num.
ber of our customers saying they were permanently cured of this
very annoying trouble. Every druggist has authority from us to
refund the money to every customer who is not perfectly satisfied
after using it Most all druggists handle it, but if your druggist
should not have it in stock, send us 50 cents in postage stamps with
your Name and Address and it will be mailed to you promptly.
After you try one box of PAZO FILE OINTMENT we know you
wul ask your druggist to keep it in stock, and will recommend it to
Send for a box of PAZO OINTMENT today and get imme
nearly three years I sulTered Irom
in my back and side, and a general weakness, I bad pro
fessional attendance most of that time but did not seem to
get toIL As a last resort I decided to try Lydia K.
Finkham'a Vegetablo Compound which I had seen
advertised in the newspapers, and in two weeks noticed
a marked improvement. I continued its use and am
now free from pain and
work." Mrs. JJ. B. ZTTi.msgA, 203 Weiss btreet,
Buffalo, N. Y.
Portland, Ind. "I had a displacement and suffered
ao badly from it at times I could not bo on my feet
at alL I was all run down and so weak I could not
do my housework, was
aown at niac 1 tooK
uut ineruiu not ueip mo. my jwim rci-cuuuicuueu
Lydia . Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. 1 tried
it and now I am strong and well again and do
1 my own work and I give Lydia E. Pinkham's
I Compound the credit." Mrs. Josepuinb
1 Kimble, 935 West Race Street, Portland, Ind.
Every Sick Woman Should Try
Carter's Little Liver Pills
You Cannot be .lv A Remedy That
ASC S!.1 ? pARTER'S IRON PILLS
many colorless faces but . will greatly help moat pale-faced people
Agnes, aged three, had got some but
ter on her hand, and to get It off she
put her hand around her mother's
waist and wiped her hand on tier
mother's apron. Her mother said: "Is
this an embrace?" "No," Agnes re
plied. "It's butter."
As to the foolish age of women. In
quired about by a contemporary, it Is
usually reached 'long about the third
time she asks "What's trumps?"
A Paris bride began her honeymoon
In an' aeroplane. This is not so sur
prising, as boneymooners are gener
ally credited with being In the clouds.
To men can love the same girl and
respect each other, but If they both
happen to want the same office each
Is satisfied that the other Is a scoun
The cost of radium has been reduced
30 that any ordinary millionaire can
meet It; but of course the pessimist
aill find something else to growl
"You cannot put a criminal on his
honor." declares a prominent neuro
pathologist. Perhaps not. but a crlml
nal sometimes puts one over on his
1 one cnarm 01 trencn lire, says a
soldier. Is that the men do not have
to a ash That should make a great
bit with our army of hoboes, in case
No sooner does one savant gain
credit for showing ways and means
for prolonging life than another gets
a gold medal for an Invention calcu
lated to shorten it.
a lemale trouble witn pains
able to do all my House
nervous and could not ha
treatments irom a pnysician
MEDICINE CO. LYNN. MASS.
ButM bear tlgnaturw
"I've cut out smoking lately."
"Hovv'd that happen 5"
"Going with a different crowd now."
Two editors foiictit a duel In Spain.
Both were roundly applauded by the
The da) 3 of autumn lose some of
their proverbial melancholy when It
is remembered that the) put an end
to the seashore bathing accidents
Federal prisoners can now buy
candy if they wish, which will make
them see the truth of the poet'j song
that sweet are the uses of adversity.
Women of the future will be taller
and darker, says a scientist, and the
chubby blondes are prepared to assert
that he knows nothing whatever about
The new sunspot that Is 5,000 mites
across Is some spot, but a tenspot in
the hand Is better than a 45.000-mile
sunspot that is 93.000.000 miles dis
tant Of course, an inveterate smoker can
save much by smoking five-cent cigars
if he can manage to keep their sparks
from burning up his four dollar linen
German inventive skill is said to
have discovered a substitute for cot
ton. It remains to be seen whether
King Cotton can be dethroned by a
Consider how much more graceful a
woman looks when photographed hold
ins a bow and Arrow than ahA .-.
when photographed In the act of swat
ting a golf pl!L
T- m -io
Jllsai-1 ";- i jJiHatt J i