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Columbus, - Nebraska
Wednesday, October 24, 1900.
EVOLUTION OF THE
Aggie to AVilliam.
(An intercepted Letter.)
(By T. C. Harbaugh.)
I'm still in a terrible strait.
And yet they tell me that I'll have to
Till you are elected. I very much doubt
If I can until then 'gainst the army hold
I'm hiding just now, and it's very poor
And I fear that the chances are sixteen
That 1 will be captured; so hurry up.
And send me a grist from your para
Just now I am killing of soldiers a score,
And when you're elected I'll kill a few
We know you are with us, so just bet
We'll pull the flag down in the fair Phil
ippines, And r will divide when I get this domain.
And sell out again to the kinglet of
My love give to Atkinson when him you
And when you meet Wellington, kiss him
I think of you often, dear Bill, and I
Success, oaly make me the "paramount
I'm sure you are able to catch, all the
And with your palaver to hoodwink the
"McKinley won't do," are the words that
He's shooting my soldiers who ambush
It's terrible, horrible. Bill, I declare.
His blue-coated soldiers, they never fight
And, if they would let me, I say to vou
I'd come to your rescue, a good Demo
crat. Now, keep up the battle, I'm looking to
I pray for you daily that's all I can do.
I keep out of sight, for I'll never be
The "paramount issue" with me is my
If I should lose that and to ruin be
Ton'd lose the best friend that you have
in the world.
Stand up for me, William, don't let me
(In awful hard luck).
Farm Value of Wheat.
Departmeat of Asrlcultare's Figure.
$27,094,01 U ,-,
385.840,211 1 ,-
Remember, that In 1802 yon voted
for a chtnjr , and had no change in
year pockets afterwards.
"DEAR BOY" LETTERS, No. 10
My Dear Boy:
I want you to do a little work in poli
tics before election. I want you not only
to vote right, but to get two or three
others to rote right I know that your
friend Morgan says that politicians are
all corrupt and that, if a man wants to
turn out a grand rascal, all he has to do
is to mix into politics. But, my boyt
there are two kinds of political workers.
A little true story will show you what
In 1848, Martin Van Buren failed to
get the Democratic nomination for the
presidency. He and his friends bolted
the ticket and he accepted the nomina
tion of the Free Soil party. His brilliant
son. John Van Buren, went op into Mas
sachusetts to make some Free Soil
speeches for his father. Now with Prince
John, as he was familiarly called, politics
was a game. He had no real, fixed, po
litical principles. And it was a revela
tion to him when he got into Massachu
setts and found men like Garrison, Hig
ginson, John Brown and others, of pure
character and lofty ideals, whose very
lives were laid on the altar in the cause
of freedom. When he came back from
his trip, he met a friend in New York
and the following conversation took
"Hello, John; where have you been?"
"Up in Massachusetts, making Free
Soil speeches for father."
"Did you find many Free Soilers up
"Yes, and, d n it, they believe it, too."
My boy, this nation's safety depends
largely upon the political work of men
who work because in their very heart of
hearts they believe that their political
principles are founded in truth and right
eousness. That is the kind of worker I
want you to be. Don't get down to any
thing mean or tricky, but work because
you believe that the Republican position
is right, and that the election of McKin
ley and Roosevelt will be for the good of
the nation and the good of the world.
Now I will tell you what I want you
to do. I want you first to go down and
see Barney Crogan. They have been
stuffing him with the statement that the
Republican party is the rich man's party,
and that the Democratic party is the poor
man's party. He sees the rich men and
great corporations growing richer and
they have told him that whenever a rich
man grows richer it is at some poor man's
expense. They have told him that the
Republican policy makes "the rich richer
and the poor poorer."
I want you to go down and tell him
that when a farmer raises a thousand
bushels of corn, the farmer is richer and
no man is the poorer, but some poor man
will get the job of cutting that corn and
be the better off. Tell him that when a
man digs a thousand dollars' worth of
gold out of the ground he is richer, but
nobody is the poorer. Show him that
there is such a thing as a natural increase
of the world's wealth which benefits all.
Tell him that in this country, whenever
the rich are doing the best the poor are
doing the best; that when coal operators
make money miners have more work and
better pay; that when railroads and man
ufacturers are making money labor is
most abundant and receives its highest
reward. Tell him that the Republican
party is the party for the whole people,
rich and poor alike. Tell him that we do
not believe in arraying one class against
another, but that all classes should work
together for the common weal. And then
point him to the results of McKinley'?
administration as proof of what you say.
And keep poking the truth at him until
he sees it and promises to vote for Mc
Kinley. Then go and sec Will Barton. A Dem
ocratic neighbor is trying to get him to
trade on a part of the ticket. Tell Will
that this is not the year for a Republican
to monkey with his ticket. He will get
it tangled up and twisted till his ballot
will not be counted if he is not careful.
There is too much at stake this year. Tell
him to let his Democratic friend vote as
he will, but that this is the year for
straight Republican votes. Do this, my
boy, and then vote right yourself, and
when the news of victory comes you can
cheer with a vim and rejoice that you
have a share in the glory.
Farm Value of Corn.
department of Agrricnltare's Fiacres.
$700,875,731 ) m
513,871,012 ) umm-
850,810,000 J Kep
WHICH ? WHEW? WHY? WHAT?
Suppose we do make the Filipinos inde
pendent: are we also going to make the
Are we going to make the Moros inde
pendent? To establish a Viscayan government
and a Sulu republic?
How about the Negritoes and the sev
enty or eighty different tribes that speak
Are we to establish an independent
government for each?
We must do one of two things. We
must either establish from seventy to
eighty independent republics or else im
pose the government of one tribe on all.
As such a number of independent re
publics is an impractical proposition, are
we to impose a Tagalog government on
the Macabebes? a Moro government on
the Viscayans? a Sulu government on
the Negritoes, and so on?
If we are to impose one government
on another, is it not better that we know
beforehand what it is to be in other
words, try our own government?
WHERE nOn-EHCUSH PIPERS STAHD
Ninety-two of the leading papers pub
lished in foreign languages, in the Unit
ed States, show their presidential pref
erences as follows:
Rep. Dem. Ind.
German 16 12 3
Scandinavian 19 2
Italian 7 2 2
French 2 .. 1
Bohemian 3 5 1
Polish 3 4..
Jewish ..............2 . .
Slavonic ............ 2 1 1
YOU GOT EVERYTHING
THAT YOU ASKED FOR.
(From the Colorado Springs Gazette.)
To the Fcople of the United States, Greeting:
Four years ago
You demanded work for your idle sons.
You got it. You never had so many people employed as now.
You .waated your idle capital to be employed.
You got it.
You wanted to see ts army of tramps muttered out.
They are gone.
You wanted your soup houses closed.
They are closed.
You wanted to get rid of the receivers of your railways and banks.
They, are gone.-
You wasted to see the smoke coming from the stacks of your smelters,
mills and factories.
It came. Many have siace been kicking about the smoke nuisance.
You wanted the savings bank deposits to increase.
Never so large in your history as at present.
You wanted to see interest rates decrease that your people could borrow
more cheaply wherewith to develop your resources.
You got it. Interest has never been so low as now.
You demanded more money. The circulation must be increased per
You got it. Got it so suddenly it almost dazzled you.
Y'ou demanded that one dollar be just as good as another.
You got it. That is the kind we have now, and you can get all the 'silver
or paper you want at any bank.
You demanded the markets of the world for your surplus products and
Yon got it. Got it so suddenly it almost dazzled you.
You wanted us to stop borrowing money iu Europe.
We stopped it, and Europe is now borrowing money from us.
You wanted the government to collect every dollar of the Pacific railroad
debt, instead of a PORTION, as Mr. Cleveland proposed.
Mr. McKinley made them pay every cent, principal and interest.
You wanted Cuba liberated.
It was done.
You wanted the rights of our people maintained at home and abroad.
It has been done.
What you really wanted the worst was what Mr. McKinley promised:
"AN HONEST DOLLAR AND A CHANCE TO EARN IT."
Yon got both. Not from the Bryanites, but it was none the less accept
able to the man behind the dinner bucket.
If you want more things of this sort yon can get them from the same
source. Yours devotedly, AMMI PETTIGREW.
THE FANGS AND THE TAIL.
Anti-Free Silver Countries.
The United States.
Mr. Bryan wants to transfer the United States from the first
column to the second. Does it look as if it would pay?
"The whole free silver mnvtmeit is a coasp'racy agalaat
wages.' (Bsarke Cockran, 1806.)
WAGES UNDER FREE SILVER.
CHINA. Unskilled labor ... 10 cts. t20 cts. per day
MEXICO, Unskilled labor '
IN THE U. S. UNDER GOLD BASIS.
Unskilled labor $1.00 to $1.50 per day
J Skilled labor $2.00 to $5.00 per day,
g WHICH IS THE BEST FOR VOU ?
Free Silver Countries.
. 20 eta. to 40 cts. per day
. . 45 cts. to 60 cts. per day
. 50 cts. to $1.80 per day
BaaBJBrPP"PS!?T m -. ..i- ws
; 1P A Story of Country Life. Sg
Sf BY ALMA L. iPARKER, GUIDE ROCK. NEB. jS
All eyes now turned towanl Simon,
as he arose to his feet.
"Mr. Chairman," he said, "I feel
duty-bound to make this announce
ment before this assemblage of wise
men. I must disown all traitors in my
family. I have always tried to treat
my children right, and to train them up
in the way they should go, but I see
my efforts have been in vain. This
daughter I have always loved; she was
at one time the pride of our family,
but if she has turned out to be a cold
hearted traitor and have her name
written with those infernal goldbugs.
who could blame me if I disowned her?
I will therefore say to Miss A'innie
Grey, with the honorable convention
for witness, that you are no longer a
welcome guest at the home of your
father; that you shall never enter my
home again, nor plant your feet on my
land, nor come where I can eer look
into your face. I have no use for
traitors, even if they bear the honora
ble name of Grey."
The Ideas of the Irishman.
The sensational episode at the con
vention was now almost forgotten, for
another year had come and gone. It
was near the end of 1900. Simon's fam
ily seemed to be prospering financially,
but it was not the happy family that it
was in the days when VInnie occasion
ally came home. She had now been
1 inarri! over a year; she no longer borc-
the "honorable" name of "Grey."
"Pa," said Anna, "I can't stay away
any longer. I simply must see A'in
nie. It's a downright shame the way
we treat her."
"It's no more than she deserves." said
her father, "and what's more, you
wou't go to see her either, unless you
wish me to treat you as I treat her.
As long as her name is Harrington, and
she's on the side of Ke)Ublicaiii?;u.
none who belong to this family circle
shall ever go to the town she lives iu!"
Simon had been so rigid in his orders
that even Cynthia, to keep peace in
the family, had never seen A'innie .since
that memorable convention day. But
you could plainly see that trouble was
rooted deep in her soul. She was really
heart-broken, and prayed for the day to
come when Simon would repent.
One evening as they were seated to
gether in the parlor, listening to Si
mon's explanation of the new political
question, called "expanison," there
came a knock at the door.
4iWho could it be?" they all whis
pered, as Jimmie ran to open the door.
"Is this where Mr. Simon Grey
lives?" said a familiar voice.
"Well, I'll be gol darned." said Jim
mie, "if it isn't Uncle Ezra."
Hearty were the hand-shakes, and
when Ezra took Simon's hand in his he
held it for a moment, glanced 'round
the Toom, aud a-ked in a bewildered
way: "Where's A'innie?"
"Oh, she's married." said Simon
bravely, but the other eyes in the room
filled with tears.
"Oh. yes." he said, "I remember now
of yon writing about it. I came very
near never finding you. Simon," he said
laughing. "The old weather-beaten
house, having been painted and en
larged, made the place look different.
I wasn't sure that you lived here; but
I concluded to call and find out wheth
er you did or not. I couldn't find you
at the poor house."
"Great heavens, Ezra, you didn't call
at the poor house to find me!" Simon
said, excitedly. "You must have a very
poor opinion of me if you did."
"Don't be surprised, Simon," said
Cynthia, "at Ezra expecting to find us
in the poor house. You know we told
him, if McKinley was elected, we'd
probably go there. I have been ashamed
many times of what we said, and the
prophecies we made; but really, we
didn't know any better then."
Ezra Grey laughed. "That's all right,
Cynthia. I'm glad you were mistaken,
for I should much rather find you living
in your own comfortable home. Y'ou
all look well; guess you have had plenty
"Of course we have. Uncle Ezra,"
said Jimmie. "Pa used to tell us we'd
starve to death if McKinley was elect
ed but gee whiz! we never had so much
pie and cake to eat before. We've got
some money hid around here, too, some
place, bein that pa's afraid to put it in
the bank. Ma'd skin me alive If I'd tell
you where we kept it."
"Jimmie,'-' said his father, "if you say
any more I shall make you leave the
room; do you hear?"
"Reckon I do. I hain't deaf."
"I tell you, Ezra," continued Simon,
"it has been rough diggin' to make a
livelihood these years. I have had to
use keen management."
"Your mortgage is paid. I presume?"
"Oh, yes. I paid that the spring after
you were out here with my wheat
"And your new house is paid for?"
"Yes, by the skin of my teeth, you
might say. Suppose I hadn't ought to
have been so extravagant, for lumber is
dreadful higlf these gold-bug times."
"Now, Simon," said Cynthia, "don't
pretend just because your prophecies
didn't come true that we are still hav
ing hard times. Y'ou know, Simon, we
never made money easier."
"Cynthia," interrupted her better
half, looking bothered, "you don't know
what you're talkin' about."
"Now. Simon," said Ezra, "judging
from appearances, Cynthia must be
right. AA'hat are hogs worth now?"
About ?4.50 at present, I believe.'
"What are calves worth?"
"AA'ell, tliey're too awful high. The
war raised the price of beef."
"Rut how could that affect It?"
"Why, it makes a greater demand."
"Ah. Simon, but you told me wen I
was here before that supply and de
mand had nothing to do with the regu
lation of prices."
"I don't remember about it; If I did.
I've changed my mind since then. Here,
hogs are a goou price, but' they are
scarce, and they ought to be higher
than they are. If it wasn't for them
rich fellows that have control of the
markets we'd get what we'd ought to
"Oh, Simon, you're too hard to satis
fy. AVhy, you wouldn't be satisfied
with Heaven, unless Bryan was God.
and there was free silver. AVhat's corn
"I don't know," said Simon. "I haven't
had a chance to take any to market yet.
I've been too busy to husk any myself,
and hired hands are as scarce as hen's
"Wages are good, then?"
"Yes, they're too almighty good to
suit me. Why, it's enough to break a
farmer up to hire help."
"It's a sign of good times, Simon. I
see you are prospering despite the gold
"Weil. Ezra. I am as much in favor
of free silver as 1 ever was. in spite of
j'our so-called good times, but that Is
not the main reform that now confronts
us. The principal question now is the
Philippine war. It is a disgrace to this
"So you are an anti-expansionist, are
"You're right, I am. I am on the side
of those poor Filipinos who are being
oppressed. I am on the side of Agni
ualdo, the AA'ashington of the Philip
pines. They are fighting for freedom,
and they ought to have it. If I were a
Filipino as I am an American I would
never lay down my arms, never!"
"Simon," said Ezra, "it is just such
men as you that are prolonging that
war. Aguinaldo would have given up
long ago were it not for the sympathy
he Is having in this country. Now, you
compared Aguinaldo to Washington.
AVhy, you might as well, compare n
blood-thirsty tiger to Washington, who
was a civilized, intelligent man, while
Aguinaldo is an ignorant, uncivilized
heathen, whose principal traits are cun
ning and treachery, something like the
Their conversation was here inter
rupted by another knock at the door.
"Well." said Jimmie, "wonder who's
com in' next? Must be agoin', to have
lots of company."
It happened to be a stranger this
time, who wished to know if he could
find a night's lodging. Simon told him
that he could, to walk right in, for it
was very seldom that he turned trav
elers away. This one was a foreigner;
yes, he was Irish you could tell his na
tionality by his short, thick physique
and the "St. Patrick" expression on his
"What's your name?" inquired Simon.
"My name Is Pat Murphy, sor, and
whot's j-ours? Grey? Wal. thot's not
sich a very oncommon sort of a name."
"We were just diseussiu this anti
expansion question, Mr. Murphy," said
Simon, hopefully. "AVhat do you think
"Well, mister, I haven't a dlvil of a
bit of use for the anty-expander. He's
the feller thot's agin everything."
Simon wasn't expecting to hear such
an answer as that, and was disgusted
when everybody in the room had a
hearty laugh at his expense. To make
matters worse, the Irishman continued:
"lie's the feller thot's friver In the
way and never does enything but kick
at whot the other feller's doin'. He
always knows jest how ivrything ought
to be done, but his valuable informa
tion is always withheld till somebody
else lias done the job."
"Oh, go on," said Jimmie, who was
very interested in the Irish traveler's
"Well." continued Mr. Murphy, "it's
been a nachur'l succession of ivints thot
To be continued.)
A Calamity Howl.
The political calamity howler is hard
put for instance ami proof of the direful
things he pretends to see and apprehend.
Indeed. I'e becomes lugubriously ludic
rous in his disinnlness. The following
excerpt from the Kansas correspondence
of the Northwestern Miller, is a humor
"With granaries full to bursting, and
sener.il prosperity abroad in the land,
there 'are still a few calamity howlers
left. One from Kansas, whose attention
wa3 called to the bis wheat crop raided
this year, responded with a doleful whine,
'Yes, it is a big erop, but these here big
crops is mighty hard on the land.'"