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?ttle jOoctofs J^ook tells about
a hver 5J>ILLS
And Tonic Pellets.
Only Modern Cure
for Constipation. Biliousness and
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^jsr Cures :>M iTOublcsofrhe
Mi?mi&* CATARRH, HEADACHE,
Rft A NEURALGIA. LaGfllPPE,
\\ WILL CUR
,;\ ?iicer.lnjt, mulling, couching.
> . IIKADACUK. Con
? 1 ?? ? ? ,tl?iicil use effects
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lilglicsl nieilicsl au?
thorities of Kiirn|>?
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era. Urines SI
iin-l Nervous 1
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y-t WeaU-neaa, Nervonsneaa,
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Falluro impossible. ?.000 roferencos. Boofc,
explanation and proofs mailed <isea.led) fro*.
ERIE MEDICAL CO., Buffalo, O.
POiiR I 10,000 I IK. Hollil Uolil I'latcil
rnQQ . WATCHES with Elegant Chain
17PPP I Charm to Match.
rttrSE ! v.m.i i:, *ir>.m>.
ai:i: YOU MAM).
i.orri liter's Kx
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cure* bald patches,
>x balr Tallinn, thin
_ J eyebrow* and eye
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HEAD OUlt Git AND OFF Kit!
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TO I NTKODUGB
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1005 Pennsylvania Ave , Hal
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i'l I-,". Mi,uu>'.<,
THE STORY OF A JOKE. " '"
Two B!etl Made It, but Another Follow
Clot I'alil For It.
Tito managing editor of a now dead
nnd forgotten newspaper was an admirer
of humor. Wit hour a spark of it in his
own composition, ho had learned in his
long newspaper oxporieuco that n ju
dioion8 injection of wit and fancy mailt*
o paper popular. Ho learned the lesson
earlier than the other editors in the
town, ami his was tho first paper to en?
liven its pages with bits of humor. Tho
"old man" recognized his own incapac?
ity in the matter of jokes. He knew that
thousands laughed at things that seem?
ed foolish and Hat to him. When ho
started using humorous matter, ho hired
u young man to supervise tho prepara?
tion and publication of thestulf. Know?
ing absolutely nothing about jokes and
jokers, ho employed a man who had
made a reputation among other peoplo
by his work on an eastern funny paper.
Tho young man had a brilliant i<loa.
He offered a reward of $2.50 for every
original joke brought in by members of
tho stuff. Tho "old man" backed him
up?nothing was too expensive if it sold
papers. The result of the prize offer was
a remarkable outpouring of alleged wit.
One in IUI caught tho fever the first day.
Timidly ho went to tho professional
"Do you buy jokes here:" ho asked.
Tho humorist took the proffered pa?
per from tho new mau's hand und read
it. "Yes," ho said, and handed back tho
Tho newcomer retired crestfallen.
Immediately following this passage at
arms Frank Walsh, tho best hearted fel-"
low in the offlco, scribbled a few lines on
a sheet of paper and handed it to tho
professional humorist. Without a word
the latter wroto out an order on tho
cosher for $2.50. Tho other members
of tho staff wondered at tho occurrence,
and watched the paper for the appear?
ance of tho joke. It was not published,
and after a feW days the boys began to
ask about tho witticism the editor had
paid for and did not use. Finally Walsh
told them what it was. Here it is:
"Young Man (handing paper to edi?
tor)?Do you buy jokes In r. i?
"Editor (returning paper)?Wo do. "
WANTED TO BORROW HIM.
Tho Queer Request Two Women ?:??lo oml
the Kcksoii Therefor.
A genial Philadelphias, who for ob?
vious reasons does not care in have his
name printed ou this occasion, secured
a parlor car scat on an express train for
Reading a few days ago, and as lie was
about to pass through the gales was sur?
prised to hear himself accosted in femi?
nine tones with the somewhat startling
question, "Plcaso, mister, could 1 bor?
row you fur awhile?"
Looking around, he found two buxom
women, who hastily ami hesitatingly
explained that they were riding on a
pnss made out in tho name of a gonilo
mnu and his wife, and, as the gentlo
man was not present, they wanted tho
genial looking citizen to place his
bought ticket at the disposal of onolady
and take the other one under his wing,
While he personated the absent owner
of the pass.
"Which is my wife?" he inquired,
with an inward qualm, lest his own ab?
sent hotter half should ever hear tho
"Yon can take your choice, sir,"said
tho lady in search of sin escort, and ho
promptly did so by tucking tho arm of
tho younger fair one under his own and
leading her into the car. The couple
proved to he right jolly traveling com?
panions, and tho citizen's only regret in
the transaction was due to a fear that
tho story might leak out and get homo
ahead of him. lint it didn't.?Philadel?
Whimsical Father Seliaubel.
Father Schaubcl, who died a few
years ago, was well past his eightieth
year. Ho was another dead in earnest
Christian. A good many years ago his
workmen, while hauling earth from oiio
of his lots, encroached ou one of mine,
und I spoke to him about it. He. threw
up his hands in a surprised way and
exclaimed, "Tho whole earth is made
of dirt, and shall wo quarrel about a
wheelbarrow load <if itx" Ho had a
strong German accent. A short time ho
foro he died I mot him on tho street and
said. "Well, Father Seliaubel, how do
yon lind yourself:" "1 find mysolf ncJi
ty-four years alt," ho replied. "And
how do yon like it." "Ach, vidi, vo
must be satisfied." That was a favorite
maxim with him, tobe satisfied?that
is, contented. Ho was a gardener. Ono
year there was, lor some reason, a great
scarcity of tomatoes, and lie had a huge
crop. In reply to a question what ho
was getting lor them, he replied: "Two
dollar und fifty COUtS a bushel here in
do field. Aii, veil, vo must ho satis
lied. "?Chicago Interior.
The Origin of "Stougltton liottlo."
Did it ever occur to you to wonder
Whore tho expression "Stougliton bot?
tle" came from? Senator Palmer used
it tho las', time I saw him and I asked
him about it.
"Why," said he, "it comes from a
certain Stoughton's hitters tlmt used to
be very popular when I was a hoy.
StOUghtOli's bitteis was a sort of table
sauce, very weak and tasteless, and real?
ly useless. So when anybody stood
Mound as useless as a bottle of Stotigh
t-Hi's bitters on a dinner table peoplo got
to saying that ho was a Stonghton bpt
tlo, until as an expression for general
ghiftloSsiicss it came to be an accepted
Cause For Thanks,
Schoolmaster?Johnny, can you tell
mo anything you have to be thankful
fur during the past quartor?
Johnny (without hesitation) ? Yes,
Schoolmaster?Well, Johnny, what is
Johnny?Why, w hen yon broko your
urm you couldn't lick us for two
WHAT AN EDITORIAL!
In the Lafayette (Ind.) Daily
The Kdltor of This Newspaper Tolls a
Strange Story ami Vouches For Its
Absolute Truth aud Accuracy?Proml
ueuco of I'sper an<t StartliuK Natuio
of Knots Make Article of Vast Iutercst
to the Public.
"Jacob J. Roitomelor," Bays the
Lafayette (Ind.) Daily Call of January
18, tbo well known compositor in the
Call nows room, son of ono of our oldest
and beat known German citizens, has a
daughter just three years old last Satur
day, who almost from her birth has
beon alllloted with epical meningitis,
and has just experienced a recovery
which is littlo short of miraculous
"Mr. and Mrs. Reitemeier were throe
years ago mado the proud parents ot
twin Bisters, one of whom died on the
5th of June two years ago, with spinal
meningitis. The latter part of the
same month her surviving twin Bister
was attacked with the disease in a
most aggravated form. The family had
the constant services throughout the
whole summer of some of our best phy?
sicians, three ot whom in turn examined
and attended the case. The child was
unable to walk, almost unable to move,
and entirely helpless.
"The physicians, one and all, agreed
that the case was hopeless, that nothing
could be done for this child. The.r
opinion was that sho would never bo
cured, and probably would soon die.
Frcm everything done for her she ex?
perienced no benefit, and the physicians,
oandidly stating that they could do
nothing for the cure of tbe child, were
dismissed, and beyond mild domestic
treatment, rubbing with alcohol, etc.,
to alleviate immediate symptoms, noth*
lng was done for her, and the Bad
hearted parents only waited the sum
bqodb, wnich tbev felt must soon come,
for her final release from her alll ctlons.
"Thus matters went on for about a
year, the little one changing, If at all,
only for the worse, and steadily but
suroly going down. One year .this
month, Mr. Reitemeier informs us, at?
tracted by the advertisement of Dr.
Greene's Nervura blood and nervo
remedy, in the Call, be and bis wifo
llnally concluded to try It, though with
very slender hopes of deriving any
benefit. There was a decided Improve?
ment In the child's condition with the
uso of the t\rst bottle, which con?
tinued during the second, and before
tho third bottle was ell used the child
was able to walk upright, and appar?
ently cured. Thereupon the uro of the
medicine was discontinued, and baa not
"In tht> year which has alnce elapsed
the child has grown to be as fat and
healthy and active a little one as any
paront need wish to see, and Mr. and
Mrs. Reitemoler Bay they feel beyond a
doubt that the uso of Dr. Greene's
Norvura blood and nerve remedy saved
her lifo. Tbe case is certainly a very
remarkable one, and the well-known
and reliable character of tbe parties
giyes it especial importance and signifi?
This is Indeed a most wonderful cure,
and a great triumph for Dr. Greene's
Nervura, and curing as It did In tbe
Daily Call's ofllclal family, the fact will
have the greatest weight in influencing
all who are slok or ailing to use this
truly marvelous restorer of health.
This grand remedy Bhould not be classed
with ordinary riatent medloines, as it is
tho dlecovory of a successful physician
who has the largest practice In the
world among nervous and chronic
diseabos, Dr Greene, of 35 West 14th
street, New York city, lie can be con?
sulted without charge in regard to any
case, personally or by letter, by all who
uso tho medicine.
He Your Own Doctor.
For one dollar get a bottle of Mayers'
Magnetic Catarrh Cure. It will last for
throe months and 1b absolutely guaran?
teed by your druggist.
Doctors say tho only way to cure
Catarrh and Hay Fever Is by inhalation.
Wo have worked for yoars to accomplish
a good aimplo method for inhaling med?
icine, and oiTor Mayers' Magnetic Ca?
tarrh Cure, which la used by this new
method, to tho public, and guarantee it
tocure any case, no muter of bow long
standing. Ono bottle is all you nood to
accomplish a euro. It will last for three
months. Ask your druggist or addreBS.
Tin: Mayers Drug Co.
For five years I suffered with pain and
dlioharge of tbo throat, hacking cougb,
frontal headache, weak eyes, etc., at
times ; could not talk above a whisper ;
lost weight continually, '.and not able
to be at work. I waa troated by the
best physicians In tho country, but re?
ceived no relief. After giving up all
hope I waa recommended to uae a bettle
of Mayers' Magnetic Catarrh Cure. After
ualng It for four weeks my epoech re?
turned. All symptoma of catarrh have
disappeared and "I feel like a different
Mrs. Elias Handwerk,
Elk Lick, Somerset Co., I'a.
For aalo at Masaie's Pharmacy.
An energetic, pushing man to repre?
sent an instalment bouse selling house*
bold specialties in Roanoko and
vicinity. Highest commliaiona paid;
A l references required. AddreasGATEi.Y
& FiT/.GKitALi), 1025 Market street,
"WHOLE down in the Southweatern
part ot tbe State Borne time ago," says
Mr. W. Chalmers, editor of tho Cblco
(Cal.) Enterprise, "I had an attack of
dysentery. Having heard of Chamber?
lain's Colic, Cholera and Diarrhoea
Remedy I bought a bottlo. A couple of
doees of it completely cured me. Now
i am a champion of that remedy for all
stomach and bowel complaints." For
aalo by The Chaa. Lyle Drug Company.
Ik yon want the cheapest fuel lntbe
city buy W. K. Andrews St Co.'a aoral
bltumlnoua red ash coal. Utile?, olQ
THE OLD CHURCH BELL.""
nigh up o'i-r tiu> heads of tho peoplo
That pass Mho vague ships on tho strcot,
It hangs iu its home iu the steeple.
That throbs with the wind's rhythmic beat.
What hoods it tho world or its noises?
What reeks it of tratlle's loud din?
Of tours or the clamor of voices
That speak of the light hearts within?
Enough that its duty i.< ringing
In every condition of weather;
Enough, that its mission is bringing
Tho spiritual household together; ,.
Enough that it strikes for the hours
That speed in a ne'er ending chain, ;
And chimes over nuptial Dowers, ri
And tolls Tor tlie funeral train.
Enough that it speaks to tho mothera ?
In clear, unmistakable tones.
Anil fatln^s and sistoro anil brothers,
From all the earth's populous zones;
Enough that it brings to the altar
The ones who have strayed from the truth,
As well as the weak ones who falter
Jliil trials unknown in their youth.
So there, while tho pale stars are marching,
And rivers roll on to the sea.
Anil heaven's blue vault is o'orarching,
Tho bell in its belfry will be,
Anil then, when its mission is ended,
Anil turned is the last burial sod,
Its echoes full toned will bo blended
With trumpets that call us to God.
?Alfred Ii. Ilosb-Uey.
A PLOT FOILED.
I must begin ?11 over again tho weary,
hcari breaking search for work. No em?
ployment uf mine scoinod to last long. Al?
ways n new slrii|;i;li' to obtain my daily
bread lay darkening boforo me.
Hut tint month was unfavorable. At.
the beginning of August work, at any
rate in London, is scarce. 1 looked over
the advertisements in the penny morning
papers, but could lind nothing which even
One afternoon, however, I obtained the
loan of The Times, and in it I found tho
Wanted.?Cultured lady (under 90 preferred)
to take charge of valuable domestic pot dur?
ing owner's absence in country; caretaker
loft in house; liberal honorarium. Apply to?
day (Friday) to Mine. Eubrun, -.
And bore followed the address of a house
in one of tho old fashioned Squares in tho
north of London. An omnibus landed me
within nliout ten minutes' walk of the
The exterior of the bouse which I was
Booking was at first Bight plain; then 1
saw that the handles of the bells WOru of
sphinxes' beads and each knocker ti brouzu
An old manservant asked me my busi?
ness, and on hearing it admitted me with?
out a moment's hesitation.
A bronze sphinx stood sentinel on cither
side of the great chimney piece, nnd tho
walls were covered with paintings such as
are found iu Egyptian tombs.
lint all was changed when the wide door
of the drawing i.m was thrown open.
Here was France; France of tho beginning
of the century was seen in the deep crim?
son satin hangings; b'randoof today in the
small wood lire which smoldered on the
hearth, for the evening was chill, in tho
varnished hoards and in the very places of
the furnll tiro.
My attention was fixed by a figure
standing in the middle of the room. The
liguro was small, slight and fragile, tlraped
In long gray folds am! crowned by a bushy
mass of gray hair. Its arm was out?
stretched, and on the wrist sal perched an
This old bird nnd its older mistress
seemed to understand each other perfectly.
"1 called, mailainc." I began when seat?
ed, "in answer to your advertisement
which I sttw in Tho Times this morning'."
"Ah! nin fol, yes. 'Dint announcement
?what trouble it has given nie! Von can?
not figure to yourself the persons I have
seen today who all declared themselves
'ladies of cultivation.' Hut for you, made?
moiselle, it is a different thing. I could
not leave you alone in this great bouse;
you arc loo young, too pretty. It would?
how shall I say it:-?it would walk out of
"1 implore you, inadamo, not to let con?
siderations like these influence you. I am
entirely dependent on my work, and there
is so little work 1 can do."
"Ali, WO shall see. My doctors ti ll mo
I must positively ho vo a change of air.
My parrot, Gustave, like other old people
?for he is older still than I?cannot, bear
to bo deranged In his habits, lie is mis?
erable if he quits this house. I cannot
leave hilll to servants, so I thought It I
could get some lady to see to him, to talk
to him during my two months' absonci?
Gustavo, dosl thou think thoucouldst stay
wii h nuidumoisolla?"
Gustave, with great solemnity, fluttered
to the lloor and. to my alarm, began sol?
emnly hopping round me in ever lessening
circles. At last he stopped in front of me,
nnd looking; straight up into my fare
omitted a sound like drawing a cork and
screamed mil in a high, fast, monotonous
"Pretty girl, pretty girl) Don't cry, my
dear. Don't like Iroing kissed? That's
what pretty girls arc made for. IIa! ha I
Mine. LcbrtlU Was apparently quite sat?
isfied, and then and there we settled our
business arrangements, salary, which was
indeed liberal, included. As 1 rose to go
Mine. LobrttU said:
"Two last injunctions I must give you.
You will not, will you, leave Gustavo for
more than two hours at a time? And you
must, not permit him to go into the cel?
lars, mademoiselle. He is a curious bird.
Ho belonged, (is did this bouse, to M.
"The great Book ford, tho author of
' Vat lick ?' " I cried.
"Ah, you have heard of him? Yes, to
him. My mother routed the bouse from
A week after found ino comfortably es?
tablished in the bouse, In the earn of the
old manservant and his wife, who I found
Wits a sitporcxccllent cook.
One day thu manservant asked me if be
and his wife might go that evening to
some family gathering and festivity to
which they were bidden. I gladly consent?
ed. At (') o'clock they left me. I was ab?
sorbed in a book and hardly noticed what
happened till the clock ou the mantelpiece
"Gustavo," I called. No answer. I
searched in vain for him. Then conviction
Hashed across mo. He had run away into
the cellars. I took a candle and it box of
matches and slat-led on my quest, down,
down, through the hall, the kitchen, till I
reached the great VOllltod cellars. I went
through them, guided by tho sound of
Gustavo chattering and swearing excitedly.
At last, in the farthest vault of all, I
found him. He was hopping excitedly
round and round in iv circle in the middle
of the floor.
Suddenly, as I sprang after him, I felt
the paved lloor beneath my feet tremble.
The stone on which 1 stood was giving?
turning. 1 sprang ott it, unconsolously
giving it a further impetus a- I d! ' ;o it
II Fry everything from potato chips to doughnuts in Cottolene.
P Put Cottolene in a cold pan?heat it slowly until it will deli
ij cately brown a bit of bread in half a minute. Then put in
|j your food. It will pay you to try Cottolene just this way?
|j see how delicious and wholesome it makes the food.
? (lot tho genuine, sold everywhere In one, three, unit llvo pound tins, with trutlc-tnarks
Kj ? "Cottolene' unit steer'* head in cotton-plant wreath?on every tin.
?1 THE N. It. PAUIBANIC COMPANY, ST. L.OUIS aniH UICAUO.
turned half round, leaving n hlnck vault
lit my foot, up which nn Icy wind blow
suddenly and extinguished my light.
At Inst I lighted my candlo, and Blind?
ing tho llnino with iny hand from tlio
draft I looked into tho blackness nt my
foot. I saw n flight of worn stops winding
downward, and from below sounded tbo
honrse laugh of Gustavo.
At Inst 1 reached tho bottom. Ueforo
mo was nnnrohwny, still hung with dusty,
tattered fragments of what had once been
heavy portieres. Hound the arch 1 could
distinguish an Inscription in high, blood
red letters. Slowly 1 deciphered It, "Fait
oo quo voudras." I shuddered!
I pushed on ami stood at last in a vast,
vaulted ball. Hy my dim light 1 saw a
great table whoro lay musty remnants of
a long dead orglo. Masks ami tattorod,
moldy dominoes worn scattered about in
wild profusion, chairs overset and pushed
back. Apparently!* sudden interruption
hud broken up tho feast.
Thou a ghastly imitation of a human
voice struck my ear. It was Gustave.
To kiss with tbe maid when tho mistress la
Relieve mo, yon always are loath, sir;
But it the maid's fairest the oath doesn't bind.
Or?you may, if you like it, kis.i IxjUi, sir.
This, then, was tho meaning of his wish
to constantly roam about the cellars. Ho
hnd enjoyed many a revel in this horrible
hall, and lie could not believe that the.
good old time was dead forever.
Suddenly tho sound of footsteps and
hoarse voices approaching struck my ears.
Who was coming, ami on what dark or
rand, to that dreadful placet
I seized one of I lie moldy dominoes
Which were scattered about, wrapped it
round mo, concealed Gustavo in it under
my arm, blow out my light and crept be?
neath tho great table just in time. A
rough voice cried:
"Aye, here the plnco is, just as Cart
wright thought. There's room enough for
stuff here to blow up all London. Tho
chief will bo pleased at this."
And then to.my horrified ears was re?
vealed a plot, sheltered tinder t lie sacred
names ot liberty and freedom, a plot which
showed tho ingenuity of satati himself.
I lay still as death. Mercifully at last
the tension became too grant, and I
When I camo to myself, all was dark and
still again. 1 crept out from the table
and struck a match. This roused Gustavo,
who apparently had boon sleeping off his
oxcitouiont, und unhesitatingly he Mutter?
ed to the ground ami hopped through tho
Exhausted as 1 was, I Instantly went to
Scotland Yard antl told them what I had
heard. England was saved from a disaster
which would have brought her enemies
(looking like vultures around her, and tho
world from a crime which would have
Stained tho hook of fate with a record
black as death. )
I quickly recovered my usual strength?
but yet I awoke next morning with a pre?
sentment of misfortune, a foreboding of
ovll. Too well was this justilii'd.
Tho excitement of visiting his old haunt
had proved too much for Gustavo. Tho
parrot was dead; my occupation was gone.
The police searched the winde of tho un?
derground purt of tho square. The origin
of it was, so far as can bo discovered, as
Many years ago the now half deserted
Square was a fashionable center in Lon?
don, and a certain noble earl, famed in
history for his fearful deeds and his wild
life, inhabited a great liouso which formed
one side of it. Under tho squnro, so said
rumor, ha excavated a great subterranean
Enough that the tradition of tho plnco
still lingered, and on his return from
Italy, Hook ford hoard of It. It touched his
whimsical imagination, and he bought the
house subsequently rented by the mother
of Mine. Lcbrun, or Mile., us she should
rather have been called.
Tho anarchists had found the hall
through one of their members telling,
when they were looking for some sat'o
plnco to store their explosives, that ho re?
membered his falber, who had been a
mason, hud told him that as a lad he had
been employed in mending a High) of stone
steps in a house in the squnro, which .steps
led to a great subterranean hall.
Tho house indicated was to let, they
took it, antl but for I lie wonderful chances
of Gustavo on that night escaping to tho
cellars, and of my accidentally treading
on I he secret spring of tho turning stone,
their designs would In time have been ac?
complished.?St rand Magazine.
' A VICTIM TO ETIQUETTf*.
An Artist's Uiicoiufortnblo Experience at
a ltoyal Banquet In Korea.
Tho rigid etiquette which prevails in
Korea as to coromonions banquets is in?
convenient for strangers, whose un?
trained appetites uro scarcely up to tho
Korean standard. An artist, making u
stay in Seoul, was bidden to a royal
feast at the king's palace, to his mingled
joy and despair. Ignorant of native cus?
toms, ho appealed to Mr. G., tho Eng?
lish consul, to guido him through tho
ordeal. Tho ono thing impressed upon
him was this: "It is a groat insult to re
fuso what is offered yon at table and r.
greater insult not to eat all that is on
Wo all sat down gayly, and tho feast
began. All the products of tho country
Boomed to havo been cooked and put be?
fore me, including meats, lish, honoy,
sweets, vegetables and sauce.-, of which,
mind you, WO hud to cat ."mountains"
piled on our plates. Young pigs, in tho
puppy slide, were also there and were
much appreciated by my princely enter?
When 1 .vas but half way through,
however, not being provided with an i
ever cxpatuliuif Ci.7cativo armaxutua. lihT'
my friends of Clio-son, I really ~folt*as if
I w?ro snft'ocating.
I raised my eyes pleadingly to Mr. G-.,
bnt ho shook his head sternly. Tho serv?
ants, seeing mo hesitate, plied mo bus?
ily with potatoes, barley, millet and at
least hah? a bushel of beans.
After vainly praying for courage and
dexterity to slide tho food under tho
table I mode despcrato inroads upon tho
heaped up vegetables. Onco again I
rolled my eyes in dumb entreaty toward
tho consul, who onco again shook his
head, this timo with a sardonic grin
which made mo determine to get through
tho feast somehow, but in silence.
After this I was treated to lily bulbs
and radishes dipped in tho vilest of
sauces, besides a largo portion of a pup?
py pig roasted and fruit iu profusion,
With foreign and mttivo wines. At
length, when I felt that with tho next
mouthful I should groan aloud, tho end
was reached. That unhappy meal begiui
at noon and was brought to n closo at
7 p. m.
To thoso who appreciate tho pleasuro
of eating, let mo recommend a royal
Korean dinner. No pen can describe tho
agonies I endured as I was carried homo
in my green sedan chair. For -days I
scarcely ato a mouthful, and to this day
tho sight of a puppy pig is unbearable,
A CAT AND DOG TEASER.
The Schein?' ?>f mi OrmiK?' County Man With
a I'ull of Milk and an Electric Battery.
"I've got a great scheme," said an in?
genious Orange county man. "There'sno
patent on it either, It is just a cat and
dog teaser, and it beats anything I ever
saw for the purpose I got an old stovo
zinc and laid it OU the ground near tho
back door. Then I put a wooden bucket
of milk on the zinc. In the kitchen I'vo
got a battery of two gallon colls and a 4
inch coil, with a vibrating circuit break?
er. One wire is connected to tho zino
plato, and the other terminates in a piece
of nn tal in the milk. You just ought to
seo tho offect. A cat comes uloug, smells
tho milk and goes for it. She just
touches the milk with her whiskers and
looks puzzled when tho slight, tingling
shock is fen. Then she returns to tho
attack and touches her tongue to tho
surface of tho milk. Her hair rises then,
and she omits a yowl of rage or pain 08
she springs away from tho pail and thou
turns to look back at it. I have seen tho
samo cat take two shocks within as
many minutes and then act as if she
wanted to try it again, but didn't daro
"With dogs it is different. Tho dog
steps upon the zinc, lops his long tongrio
into tho milk and then throws a back
somersault. Ho wants no more after
that, but tucking his tail between his
logs streaks out of tho yard as quickly
08 possible. If you vvant to try it, you
needn't use a whole pail of milk. Just
toko a crockery dish, and it will answer
just as well. Milk is cheap up our way,
yon know, and I took tho first thing that
came handy. "?New York Sun.
THE NEW CHILD.
It Is a Dreadful Lit tic Animal, Port nod
"A is not an article," remarked a
child the other day to her mother, who
was helping her with her school lesson.
"Fancy your not knowing that it's a
distinguishing adjective 1" We asked a
small schoolgirl tho other day if sho
learned astronomy. "Astronomy! Of
course not! That's an infant's subject,"
sho answered, with great contempt.
"Have yon read Pope's 'Essay on
Man'/' " wo inquired lately of a girl of
13. "Pope! Why, nobody thinks any?
thing of him nowadays," sho replied.
"Do you know Milton's 'Paradiso
Lost?' " "Oh, wo got beyond that long
Tho worst of a childish dictum of this
sorlisthat you fool yourself so absolute?
ly quenched. There is no getting any
further in tho argument, for uopighend<
edness equals tho pigheadedness of the
vory young porson?in fact, of the new
child. And then he?or she?is never
amused with tho simple games that used
to delight us. Modern children uro will?
ing to play if only to please their oldcrs,
but they aro mildly and politely bored.
They aro bored with most things. They
have 20 picture books where wo had ono
?nono of your garish, Crude illustra?
tions, but testhetio designs, and yot they
don't seem to caro about them.
There is a good story of how an old
gentleman with much toil and tronblo
manufactured a largo kito for his small
grandson. Ho and another old friend,
with tho boy, went out to fly tho kite.
The two old men were deeply engrossed,
but the grandson got so bored that
ho quietly absented himself, and after
somo time tho two old fogies found to
their disgust that they had been larking
about all alone with a kite, much to the
amusement of tho passorsby. And an?
other story?of a little girl of S who
said to her mother (an authoress),
"Oh, mumsey, why not call your new
book 'Tho Rod of Love?' "?does not
ring quite pleasantly. Ah, Thero is
i something terribly unchildish about tho
, "uow child!"?Now York Times.